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He woke up one night, shaking in bed. That was how it started. Bad could feel the way that Skeppy tossed and turned in their bed, shivering when it wasn't cold. Each time, Bad would turn over, brushing the hair off his sweaty forehead, and gently give him a kiss on the cheek before he wrapped his arms around his diamond partner. He would squeeze him tight, hoping that his warmth would help the shaking to stop. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time Skeppy would continue to shake until morning where he would wake up in a panic, eyes snapping open. Skeppy would leap out of bed and pretend as if nothing had happened.
There would be this look in his eyes all day--glossed over and far away like he wasn't even there. Each night it would seemingly get worse. Bad was getting more concerned every night.
"Hey, Skep?" In the darkness of their bedroom, Bad's voice cut through clearly. He turned over to face Skeppy, who was turned away, staring at a wall. "Skeppy, are we going to talk about it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Skeppy mumbled, voice monotone.
Bad scooted closer to him, and put an arm around his torso, the slight shine of Skeppy's skin making it a little easier to see.
"Skeppy…"
"I...don't know what you're talking about," Skeppy repeated.
With a huff, Bad turned back over, crossing his arms close to his chest. It was clear that something was happing during those dreams but Bad didn't want to pester.
"You know I'm here for you," Bad said after a moment, his voice tired.
After a beat of silence, Bad heard Skeppy whisper, "I know…love you."
A few nights later, Bad woke up in a panic, heart racing and sweat dampening his pillow. He stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to adjust to being awake, frozen with an unidentified fear. He racked his brain trying to remember the dream he just had, but he couldn't. After a moment, he finally turned over to look at Skeppy's side of the bed. He expected to see Skeppy, peacefully--or restlessly--asleep but where the diamond man usually lay was empty. His side of the bed had the covers ripped off, leaving the mattress exposed. Leaning over, Bad laid his hands on Skeppy's side and found that it was freezing. He sat up, moving his hands rapidly on the covers, searching for the man who was not there.
"Skeppy?" Bad called out. Silence met him and he quickly leaped out of bed, the cold quartz of the floor making him shiver. He made his way through the dark house, listening out for anything.
"Skeppy?"
He made his way to the roof; the moon lit up the night, making it bright enough to see across the lake. Bad looked at the moon, basking in the light for a moment before spotting a figure sitting on the edge of the house.
"Skep? What are you doing out here," he spoke softly, "it's late."
Skeppy was hunched over, head in his hands. As Bad got closer, he could see that his shoulders were shaking. Gently, Bad put a hand on his shoulder as he sat down, trying not to frighten him. "Hey, it's alright, was it a nightmare again…?"
Skeppy sat up straight, Bad's arm slipping from his shoulders. His eyes were red, from crying. The corners of his eyes shown with an unfamiliar red that Bad couldn't recognize.
"There's not just nightmares!" Skeppy shouted. His eyebrows pinched in anger as he brought his hands together. He held them to his chest and looking away. "Sorry…I shouldn't have yelled."
"It's okay…" Bad brought his hand up, to touch his shoulder but Skeppy brushed it off.
"No…it's not."
"Skep-"
"No!" Skeppy cries, voice breaking, "I've been nothing but mean to you and you still do things like this."
"Well…isn't it my job to look out for you?" Bad smiled, "You've looked out for me…for Sap…I can do the same for you, can't I?"
"I…that's different."
"How so?" Carefully, Bad raised up his hand again, gently rubbing Skeppy's back.
Taking a breath, Skeppy brought his head up to look at Bad, "You needed a break…Sap was a lot when he was younger. He got into everything and, I saw that you needed some help. I knew that if I helped you then you would get to relax some more. You deserve to relax…you do so much for others that I wanted to ease that burden…do something for you instead."
"Hey…but if you do everything for me, then how do you rest?"
"I just didn't want you to have to worry…" Skeppy mumbled softly, a light blue blush spreading over his cheeks and to his ears.
"Aw, Skep." Bad lifted Skeppy and placed him in his lap, wrapping him in his arms. Skeppy collapsed; he rested his forehead on Bad's shoulder and returned the hug with weak arms, "I appreciate you looking out for me, but you can always tell me if something is going on. It's never a burden for me to help you."
"Thank you."
"Love you too, Skep…but what are the nightmares about?" He could register Skeppy tense in his arms, "If it's too much we can always talk about it in the morning!"
"No…I should tell you." Bad could feel his partner peel his face away from his shoulder and then resting his chin there instead, his breath tickling Bad's ear.
"It's not so much a nightmare as it is a feeling…and a voice."
"A voice?"
"Yeah...it tells me things."
"What does it say."
"It wants me to help it…and when I say 'no' then I feel like I'm going to die. I get the feeling like the world is ending and I can't stop shaking and it's nothing but fear." As he spoke, Bad took the hands that were securely wrapped around Skeppy's back and began to rub again. Skeppy took a deep breath before continuing again. "It tells me that what I'm feeling, it can make go away…it could make it all disappear. And…I think I believe it."
"What?" Shocked, Bad pulled away, taking his hands off of Skeppy's back in favor of cradling his face. "How do you know that it isn't just putting those feelings there--that it's creating it? Why are you thinking that it would be a good idea to listen to it if it's threatening you like that?"
"I-…don't you think sometimes that it would be better if you just couldn't feel anything? No pain, no fear…just nothing?"
"No! Of course not! Skeppy, what are you talking about? If you didn't feel anything then…then you wouldn't care about me anymore… about us."
Tears welled up in Bad's eyes as Skeppy turned away, guilt clear on his face.
"I know that this might sound bad," Skeppy spoke, "but if we both didn't feel pain, or sadness--or anything like that--wouldn’t we be stronger? Stuff like this, like what we're doing now, wouldn't happen. You wouldn't need to help me deal with whatever and we could both relax."
"Skeppy.…" Encircling Skeppy's back once more, Bad brings Skeppy in close and buries his face in Skeppy's chest, "I don't want to stop feeling what I have for you." Bad's voice was muffled; Skeppy felt his tears seeping through his nightshirt as his soft cries turn into sobs. Skeppy looked back towards the Prime path as Bad's sobs started to grow weaker. "S'geppy?" with his voice wet, Skeppy's name got caught in his throat.
"Yeah…?"
"You mean so much to me…I don't know what I would do without you."
"I know."