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Jiang Cheng is tired, but he’s not so tired that he misses the way Huaisang reaches for him in jerky, aborted gestures all evening. They’ve been together together for a few months, and Jiang Cheng is happy, actually happy. He thought everything had been going well, but something’s off, and when he pokes at it, he realizes things have been off for a few days now, and it’s obvious tonight. Huaisang’s retreating.
As they make dinner together. As he shows Huaisang how to fold dumplings so they are guaranteed to stay sealed when boiled.
“I’ve got magic fingers, baby,” he says, wiggling them at Huaisang, trying to make him laugh, but the best that he gets is a smile and a pained tightening around the eyes. As they sit across from each other and make a not-so-secret game of sneaking the choicest morsels onto one another’s plates. As they orbit one another in the small kitchen cleaning up. When Huaisang flinches back for the hundredth time, Jiang Cheng tosses the dish towel on the counter and stops Huaisang’s pacing, placing his hands firmly on Huaisang’s shoulders.
“Something’s wrong,” Jiang Cheng says. “Something I’ve done or said or not done or not said.”
“No, A-Cheng, you’re good, I’m fine, it’s no—“
Jiang Cheng lays a finger over Huaisang’s lips. “Respectfully, that’s bullshit.”
Huaisang makes a half-hearted attempt to playfully bite Jiang Cheng’s finger and sighs.
“It’s stupid,” he says.
“If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Jiang Cheng takes Huaisang’s hands in his and squeezes them. “I don’t care what it is, I want to talk about it at least.”
Huaisang squeezes his hands back, but he looks at the floor as he mumbles something.
“What’s that?”
Huaisang heaves an exasperated sigh. “I’m horny, A-Cheng, and it’s embarrassing and it’s totally a me problem and not a you problem and I’ll handle it, okay? I just—“
Jiang Cheng shuts him up with a kiss.
“Idiot,” he says fondly when he pulls back and Huaisang blinks up at him.
“Rude.”
“Sorry, yeah, it was a little. But also, you’re so wrong.”
“I think I know myself, A-Cheng, and I—“
“I meant about it being a you problem and not a me problem when it’s obviously an US problem.” He leans against the counter and pulls Huaisang into his arms and hugs him tight. They stand together for a few minutes, holding each other. Jiang Cheng rubs Huaisang’s back, and Huaisang pretends he isn’t about to cry.
“I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” Huaisang says at last.
“Ah.” Jiang Cheng kisses the top of Huaisang’s head as he tries to frame his response.
They’ve fucked a few times since Jiang Cheng revealed that he’s ace, and explored other ways to make Huaisang feel good and meet his needs without making Jiang Cheng uncomfortable, but clearly there’s work to be done on the communication front. Jiang Cheng is caught off guard by a rush of fierce affection, and he has to kiss Huaisang again, properly, until they’re both a bit breathless.
“Please ask me,” Jiang Cheng says when the fizzing in his brain quiets a bit. “Because I don’t, I’m not good at checking in yet. My other boyfriends were of a sort — well, Zixuan called them scurrilous bastards.”
Huaisang laughs. “He didn’t! How shocking!”
“Right?” Jiang Cheng smiles down at him. “He overheard me talking to Jiejie after a particularly, um, scary incident. He actually punched a guy once, at a festival.”
“He did not!”
“He did.” Jiang Cheng strokes Huaisang’s arm. “This guy was being super pushy and creepy, but I hadn’t figured out what I, I mean, I was like eighteen. To be honest, I think Zixuan only decked him because Wei Ying was about to take the guy out, and Zixuan was still trying to impress Jiejie. He broke the dude’s nose but also fractured a bone in one of his own fingers.” Jiang Cheng chuckles at the memory. “It was pretty awesome, actually.”
Huaisang tightens his grip on Jiang Cheng’s waist. “I don’t think I could punch a guy for you, but I know plenty of ways to end a man.” He rises up to kiss Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “And da-ge would help me destroy the evidence.”
“This is all very good information, and we will definitely talk about it more at a later date,” Jiang Cheng says, “but to get back to the original issue tonight, these guys I used to date, they were all pretty vocal and grabby, so I never had to guess.” He sighs and rests his chin on Huaisang’s shoulder. “I’m trying to pick up on your cues, babe, but clearly I’m not there yet. Can you please talk to me when you’re feeling like this? Because I promise, it’s not gonna make me uncomfortable to talk to you. I mean, any more than Big Feelings usually are.” He kisses Huaisang’s cheek. “I don’t want to miss anything. Meeting you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I really don’t want to lose you, and I’ll keep trying to pay attention so I don’t miss all the good things we’ve got, but please, talk to me?”
“I’ll try.” He leans into Jiang Cheng’s embrace, tension bleeding from his shoulders. He hugs him tight and then steps back to look Jiang Cheng in the eye. “So, um, yeah. Will you fuck me tonight?”
“I’ll try,” he says, winking at Huaisang.
Huaisang punches his arm. “Asshole.”
“Just a little. But seriously. I will try. And if I can’t, are you okay with alternate arrangements?” He gives Huaisang what he claims is a salacious grin. “I’ve been reading up on erotic massage. I’ll make you feel so good, baby.”
“Well, that’s gross. Mood is effectively killed.” But Huaisang is laughing, and it’s the most beautiful music Jiang Cheng has ever heard. Huaisang is laughing and holding his hand, so Jiang Cheng kisses him and pulls him along to the bedroom, and he will not let him go.