Work Text:
Mori woke suddenly. He wished he could have been granted a merciful moment of sleepy confusion, but he knew everything that had happened with shocking clarity as soon as he came to. Nothing of what would happen, though, if not for lack of trying. Where there used to be lives upon possible lives, there was nothing at all. At least the present wasn’t all bad: Thaniel was there beside him and that was the best thing Mori had woken up to in a long time.
The morning sun showed an angry wound on his shoulder, not fresh, but still red and raw. His heart twisted painfully when he imagined what Thaniel had gone through during the past weeks. He carefully brushed his skin that felt pleasantly warm beneath his fingertips.
‘What happened there?’
‘Just an accident. I got in someone’s way. He wasn’t aiming at me.’
An accident. All because Mori had arranged things like a mad person without even knowing what it was for. He had gotten Thaniel injured.
‘Does it hurt?’
‘No.’
Mori wasn’t sure whether it was a lie to comfort him or not, because Thaniel shifted awkwardly, like he might still be in pain. He should have probably let go of his shoulder, but he couldn’t. Thaniel felt real and solid underneath his touch, unlike anything that had happened ever since they had arrived in Japan.
‘It’s much better,’ he assured him as if he had sensed that he hadn’t convinced him. ‘You? How’s the memory. Anything… coming back?’
Mori tried again. Still nothing. It felt like an amputated limb. There was a phantom sensation there, not so much pain, but like having a word on the tip of his tongue, except he couldn’t, for the life of him, remember it.
‘No,’ he simply said. ‘It’s a novelty.’ There were a few things he did remember of the past, though. He shook his head against the pillow, astounded at his own lack of scruple in arranging things. ‘I was doing it for years,’ he whispered. ‘I remember altering things about exactly where those prisons would be built, who would staff them, I remember choosing which carpenter would be hired. It’s bizarre not to remember what it was for.’
‘It will be something good. Honestly.’
The trust in Thaniel’s eyes made him want to scream. He was too young and too naive to accept that he shouldn’t believe in Mori. Soon enough he would see that he was not the benevolent deity he had made him out to be.
‘I’m glad you think so, because a lot of people died while I was arranging them into the right places.’
So many dead because of him and Thaniel had come close, too. Mori pressed a hand against his own throat, just to feel his breath and his pulse to prove that he was human, because right now he believed every horror tale people had ever told about him. Maybe he was a death god.
Gentle fingers moved his hand away and came to rest on his throat instead. Thaniel. Thaniel was strong, Thaniel could take him out if the need should ever arise. It was cynical, but it calmed him down. Thaniel didn’t strangle him, though, he just rested his hand on him, warm and strong and grounding.
‘I can remember a tax receipt number I got in eighteen seventy-six.’ The mundaneness was almost funny. Was that what he would be reduced to?
‘There must be a lot of freed up space in there.’
Mori nodded. Somehow, Thaniel had always better understood how he and his memories worked than anyone else, no matter how many scientists had tried. He didn’t know what he would do without him. Surely, Thaniel would quickly grow tired of an old man without any mystery to his person whatsoever. The kind of person who remembered tax receipt numbers.
A movement at the window made for a welcome distraction. For some reason, the birds still seemed to follow him. ‘Is that Six’s owl?’, he asked, glad for the change of subject.
‘Yeah. He’s been waiting for you.’
Outside in the corridor, solid footsteps came their way. Mori looked back, adrenaline shooting through his veins. Not knowing what was going to happen was frightful. How did people manage it? Anyone could be out there. He held his breath, listened to the steps stop, to someone tapping on the door. He curled his fingers nervously around the quilt, but when Thaniel touched his chest, very lightly, he instantly breathed a bit easier.
‘I’ll go. Stay there.’
‘No – no. I’m all right.’ That was a lie, but he had to be. He at least had to try. ‘Normally when I have no idea what’s about to happen, it’s because I’m probably about to die. It’s just – going to take some getting used to. Better just get on with it.’
He hoped it would. In spite of his little speech, it took all his willpower to sit up, let Thaniel’s hand fall from his chest, and leave the warmth of their shared bed. He felt immensely grateful when Thaniel got up, too, to follow him and stay close by. Having him near made everything more bearable. Mori still hesitated at the latch, even dared himself to make a guess about who was waiting for him on the other side. It was horribly wrong, of course. In front of him stood the guard captain with a letter and, thank goodness, Katsu. He had missed the little octopus and would have quite liked to take him without having to accept the letter and the captain’s announcement. A tribunal. Christ.
He stared at the envelope in his hands and realised that usually, people had to open them to know what they said.
‘I don’t know what’s inside.’ How ridiculous! Thaniel must think him completely daft. ‘What a stupid thing to say,’ he added quickly.
Thaniel’s voice was soothing. ‘No, it’s not.’ Always so kind. ‘Everyone hates ominous envelopes.’
Mori watched Thaniel as he opened the letter for him without a flicker of hesitation and read it aloud. He was so much better than Mori at these everyday things. Now that Mori wasn’t good at the not-everyday things anymore either, he had become useless.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ he said quietly.
Of course Thaniel did know what to do. He had a plan, he was confident. If only Mori shared his relentless believe in himself. Right now he didn’t much care for making plans, there was only one thing he wanted. ‘Can you come?’
‘I have to, I’m the only proper translator.’
Well, that was good enough for him. It didn’t matter why Thaniel would be there, just that he would to make Mori feel like he wasn’t alone.
Thaniel kept talking, his voice a soothing baritone. He believed so strongly in Mori and that everything would be alright that Mori almost did, too. Only slowly did it trickle through to him what Thaniel was actually saying. He frowned. ‘What do you mean, your fault? Arinori’s dead? The Education Minister? How?’
This time he properly listened as Thaniel rambled on. ‘He was shot. Vaulker was meant to go with him to the Constitution parades, but it was me. Arinori’s wife thought that you and Mrs Pepperharrow were in trouble, and I went with them because I wanted to know more. And then when the gunmen fired, I was too slow.’ Thaniel motioned at the bullet scar on his shoulder. ‘And then I went looking for you at Yoruji–’
That was a lot to process. Mori caught Thaniel’s hands to stop him. ‘Wait, wait. Did you see the message on the wall, in Aokigahara?’
‘Yes, and I – bloody ignored it.’ Thaniel kept on rambling, took his hands back, but Mori didn’t really listen, because there was another realisation forming in his brain, far more important, far more life changing than anything else.
‘You were worried.’
‘I didn’t mean for it to get in the way like that, I–’
‘About me.’
He felt like he was drifting off the ground, leaving gravity behind, as if nothing in the world could touch him except this one single thought: Thaniel had been worried about him, so worried that he had not listened to him in spite of all the trust he usually put in him.
Thaniel looked confused. ‘Are you telling me you didn’t factor in me wanting to look for you? That cannot have been a faint chance.’
‘Everything was faint, when I was putting this together. I had to guess.’
He frowned. ‘So – what, you thought I just tolerated you for the sake of a free room?’
Mori’s fingertips tingled. He had an inkling where this was going, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe it yet. It couldn’t be true. His throat went dry, his feet still didn’t touch the ground. Oh, to hell with it! He willed his voice to stay calm, even though his heart was beating out of his chest. ‘Isn’t that what impoverished young artists usually do with old millionaires who fall in love with them?’
There, he had said it. Thaniel froze and stared and for an excruciating few seconds, Mori thought he had gone too far. A million emotions crossed Thaniel’s face, none of them recognisable.
‘Why would you have me in the house if you thought I was like that?’, he eventually asked.
Mori only managed to shift his shoulders a fraction. Still no gravity. Still suspended in the air. ‘It was good enough.’
‘Good enough–’ Thaniel almost sobbed the words. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, exasperated, and the tingling in Mori’s fingertips slid up in the direction of his heart.
‘I don’t tolerate you.’ He had never heard Thaniel say anything with more conviction. ‘I can’t breathe when you’re not here, I can’t think, I can’t write music properly, I spend my whole bloody life waiting for the post. I never said because I thought you didn’t want to hear it. We don’t talk about – any of it.’
Mori landed gently on the ground, and suddenly, he felt everything more intensely. His hands were shaking when he reached for Thaniel’s elbows to tug him closer. Thaniel was crying. He was crying because of Mori, which was both beautiful and terrible, and he wanted to fall into his arms and never ever again let him go. He kissed him, just lightly, and let his shoulders come to rest in Thaniel’s hands, who eased him nearer, stepped up and kissed him back as if his life depended on it.
‘Tolerate you,’ he muttered into Mori’s ear. ‘You’re unbelievable. Tolerate you… ’
Mori laughed quietly. ‘How should I have known, my dear?’
Thaniel took a step back and looked at him, astonishment written all over his face, and only then Mori noticed that he had called him ‘dear’. He hadn’t meant to. What an embarrassing thing to do! England had rubbed off on him too much. But Thaniel didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary: He grinned, all tears forgotten, and stole another kiss from Mori’s lips.
‘Are we allowed to use endearments now?’
‘Don’t you dare!’
Thaniel chuckled deep in his throat. ‘Dearest,’ he whispered into Mori’s ear, making him blush, because he sounded sincere. ‘Beloved.’
‘Stop it, Steepleton!’
Thaniel kept grinning at him with a wicked twinkle in his eye and took his hands. ‘Darling. Angel.’
Mori glared back, but let him keep his hands. ‘I mean it. If you keep going, I’ll have no choice but to impale myself on my own sword.’
‘Is that Samurai for ‘shut up’? Because I should probably write that down.’
‘It’s Japanese for ‘you’re an obnoxious bastard.’’
Thaniel’s face relaxed into a soft smile and he pulled Mori close again. ‘Kei.’
It was just a single syllable, but it made Mori’s bones sing. He mirrored Thaniel’s smile. ‘Thaniel-chan,’ he whispered. For Six, the endearment was logical and safe, but using it for Thaniel felt like stepping off a cliff. Mori was surprised at how easily it rolled from his tongue, how right it sounded. He shyly glanced up at Thaniel to see if he liked it.
His face had gone serious, barely contained emotion behind his eyes. He just nodded, then squeezed Mori’s hands and when they kissed again, Mori suddenly felt at home and at peace. The tribunal, Kuroda, the duke, none of it mattered, not as long as he had Thaniel and all the good he thought of him.