Chapter Text
The sound started low and rose with a slow inevitability. Deepening, thickening. A thrumming, burning sensation swelled across her skin in harmony. A woven melody of pain. It parted her skin, infused with her flesh, thickened in her blood.
Her screams were swallowed as the sound reached its crescendo. It clouded her mind, tore at her sanity. With triumph and glee it plunged into her soul. Rending, rotting, ruthless. Her blood boiled, her flesh twisted, her mind shattered. Her soul lost.
Pain, pain, pain.
And dark, sickly delight.
———
Raven sat up with a gasp, sweat sticking the bed covers to her skin. Fumbling, she turned on the light. Watched the shadows flee the room. Felt the ones in her mind stick.
Whipping the moisture from her face Raven stumbled into the bathroom. The sting of the cold tiles on her bare toes shaking the sleep from her mind. Gripping the sink, she breathed deeply and drank deeply to assuage the dryness of her throat.
With practiced breaths Raven tried to centre her mind. Banish the shades of her dream back to the depths. Splashing her face with water she hoped to cleanse herself of the fear, but it lingered. Her heart continuing its frantic tempo. She observed her hands. They were shaking.
Clenching her hands into fists Raven exited the bathroom, found her cloak and slipped it around her shoulders, finding comfort in its warm embrace. Repetition had taught her that sleep would not come again so she wondered her way into the kitchen. She made her tea with ritualistic practice. The smell offering her a semblance of calm.
The great windows of the Titan Tower common room afforded her a view of the city. The sun had not yet begun its ascent but word of its coming was painted across the brightening sky. The deep black of the night turned to a bruised purple. Fading to lilac the longer she lingered.
She sipped her tea, found it cold, and returned it to the sink. A stray spoon slipped across the bottom, clattering off the mug with a sudden sharp sound. Her pulse rabbited, her mind sparked with cloying fear. Dark energy surrounded the mug, shattering it.
In the echoes of the noise Raven pulled her cloak around her. Focused on the press of her nails to her skin, the whisper of fabric over her shoulders, the pearl stringed lights of the city below.
It was a dream, a dream, a dream. She wasn ’t there. She wasn’t there. She wasn’t there .
Exhaling shakily she gathered the chipped remains of her mug, too shaky and drained to summon forth the power to mend it. Disposing of them in the bin she went to fetch another cup. The empty cupboard stared back at her accusingly.
It was only a dream.
Giving up on the tea Raven settled down onto the couch, determined to meditate till the dawn was broken by the sound of her waking teammates. Their presence and cheer scaring away the last of the memories. The haunting thoughts. The phantom pain.
It’s all just dreams.
———
“Get down!”
Raven ducked, a grenade whizzing by her ear, Robins shout barely heard in the chaos. With gasping breaths she drew on her power to form a shield. The spray of shrapnel from the detonation clattered across the black energy.
From overhead Robin swooped by, staff swinging to ward away the approaching Gizmo. From afar Raven could hear the taunting of Billy Numerous goading Cyborg into draining his energy with continuous sonic blasts. Meanwhile, the Mammoth faced off against Starfire, energy bolts splashing against the walls and the villains thick skin. The alien Princess ’s screaming war cries felt like nails drilling through her skull.
Raven took the few seconds of reprieve to lean against the nearest wall, breathing deeply. Trying to gather her thoughts and feelings. Settle her emotions enough to turn them into power.
But everything was in a strange haze. The flash and bang of battle flickering around her like an old film. No sooner had she registered the debris flying towards her that it was shattering on the stone above her head. Survival reflexes twitching through her weary flesh to save her in the nick of time as she ducked. She could feel the fall of dust in her hair, the sweat on her skin. The world blurred, she felt dizzy.
Black energy flickered to life with her fear. Lashing out randomly, shattering beams and furniture indiscriminately. There was a short scream and a flash of purple wavering light flew wide to coalesce against the ceiling.
Raven ignored it. Trying to focus on her own breathing. The pounding of her heart. The shake of her exhausted limbs. The press of her soul and fizzing thoughts. She needed to concentrate.
She wished she had completed this mornings meditations. Had the strength to ignore the flashes of heat and pain plaguing her nights. Now she was scattered. Disjointed. Her fear and desperation fuelling her powers, lashing out in wild midnight waves.
“Shield! Raven, shield!”
There was a tremble. She watched the dust fall past her eyes as if a dream. Felt it feather across her scalp like sugar. Her world turned green. Then black.
The ceiling languished inward. Collapsing in portions so that the trembling and the noise went on for long drawn-out seconds. The rest of the Titans were forced to flee with cries of alarm. Losing their villainous quarry in the confusion and watching their teammates be submerged under the rubble.
Slowly the collapse came to rest, the sound echoing into silence. Raven shuddered, her pulse hissing through her ears. Pressed against her back the great weight and heat of a seven foot gorilla caged her in. The wheezing racking breaths of Beast Boy blowing wetly into the cramped little space of his arms, feathering across her neck.
“Beast Boy” she coughed. “Beast Boy! Crap, Beast Boy. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just stay still.”
Raven struggled to twist herself, back to the floor. Beast Boy let out a groan and sagged a precious inch. Raven reached up without thinking. Pressing her palms against his great muscled chest. The fur was coarse, ticklish and wet.
Ravens mind slowed. Her hand moved, tracing out the matted fur. Curling over a bulging shoulder, up the thick veined neck to the broad flat forehead of the gorilla. Beast Boy let out another groan. Pained.
She could smell iron.
Breaths quick, hands dipped in blood, mind fluttering and weak with fatigue, her powers found their outlet.
Black energy burst forth like a tide. It swirled and soothed the gorilla but fell as a maelstrom on the rubble. Brick, steal and glass were lifted, repelled and shattered. The other Titans scrambled to avoid the blast zone. Cyborg firing off his sonic cannon at the large debris, letting the smaller shrapnel clatter harmlessly off his metal chest. Starfire swooped down to lift Robin from the danger, emerald energy trailing behind her speedy flight.
It lasted only a moment but where once the building stood there was now but a crater of dust. Crouched within, a bleeding gorilla and a near hysterical girl.
“Beast Boy! Oh, Beast Boy. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Cyborg!? Cyborg! Get down here. BB’s hurt!”
Raven scrambled around, shaky legs and drained energy levels leaving her woozy. Haltingly she brought her hands back to the wound. A large matted patch of blood upon the gorillas head. Beast Boy looked at her through his deep furrowed brow, eyes worried and confused. The uncharacteristic panic of his teammate more worrying than his wounds.
“Raven, you need to calm it girl,” Cyborg said, skidding down the crater to come to the pairs side. Quickly he scanned the animal before him, Beast Boy lifting his head in greeting. “You alright man? Looks nasty. Think you can shift.”
Beast Boy gave a nod. Fluidly his body folded in on itself, bones shifting, muscles stretching and shrinking. Human shape returned to him with a full body sigh. Raven hovered anxiously, a small cry of alarm barely strangled within her throat.
“Frick, that smarts. Right on the crown too.” Lifting his gloved palm Beast Boy gingerly felt the wound, wincing at the pain. “Erg, really hope I’m not gonna need stitches. I don’t want to shave my hair.”
“I can give you a proper look over in medical but I think you’ll get away with it. Head wounds always look messier than they are. Feeling dizzy at all? Nauseous? We should probably get you checked for concussion.” Cyborg diagnosed, having another closer look at the wound but deeming it not too worrying.
Beast Boy grunted in reply, attention stolen by the slightly shaking Raven beside him. She had fallen silent, staring with glassy eyes to her bloodied hands. Breaths short and fast.
“Hay, Rae Rae? You alright? I’m okay, promise.”
“My fault. My fault. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know. It’s alright. Everything’s going to be alright.”
“It’s not alright” stated Robin. Arriving on the scene with a concerned Starfire. The older teen stomped over, anger written across every line of his brow. “This shouldn't have happened. The Hive Five got away, you’re injured and Raven lost control of her powers. If this place hadn’t been cleared of civilians that last blast could have caused some serious injuries.”
Raven pulled her cloak around her, staining the dark purple fabric mauve with blood. The truth heavy upon her heart. As clear and as horrifying as the burst of red upon the green of Beast Boys skin.
“Hey man, she didn’t mean it.”
“That’s even worse Beast Boy! We all have a responsibility to control ourselves and our powers. And Raven’s been failing that. I’ve let it slide so far because you’re my friend, but as your leader I can’t let someone unstable out into the field. Do you understand Raven?”
Raven gulped, closed her eyes. Tried to find a centre of calm to focus herself. Something to anchor herself around. Her mind was so scattered, her control so fickle, she was picking up her teammates emotions. Robins anger, Starfires sympathy, Cyborgs concern. Beast Boys worry, kindness and …pain.
The feeling lanced through her. Cutting her deep but providing her with sudden clarity. Guilt frothing anew Raven bowed her head in defeat.
“Your right. I’m sorry. I…I haven’t been my best. I need to sort this out.”
“You mean we need to sort this out,” said Starfire. “If something is troubling you we shall help. It is what friends do.”
“I-okay, thanks Star,” Raven muttered, the echoed memory of heat, noise and pain threatened to paralyze her but the smell of iron spurned her on. The fear of her dreams nothing to the reality of causing harm to her friends.
“Great! Now can we get out of here. BB needs medical and I could do with a clean-up and charge if we’re going to have a serious talk,” Cyborg called out. Jovial attitude falling flat in the heavy atmosphere.
“Right. Good call Cy. Everyone back to the tower. I need to talk to the police about this mess and the Hive Five’s activities. We will meet in the common room in an hour.”
Knowing orders when they heard them the Teen Titans dispersed. Conversation short and stilted between the normally raucous members. Raven followed Beast Boy and Cyborg to the car, unwilling to let the green changeling out of her site.
All she wanted to do was sleep. But sleep was dark and dangerous. She needed to meditate. Get herself back under control. Centre her soul and clear her mind if she was going to voice her daemons.
Beast Boy glanced back at her, offering a boyish fanged smile. She let it lift her spirits just slightly. She would face this and she would overcome it. Any other outcome was unacceptable.
———
Exactly an hour later Beast Boy and Cyborg made their way into the common room from the medical wing. The last of the team to arrive. Beast Boy had been cleaned up and no blood nor visible injury was left. Raven released a silent sigh of relief and unfolded from her lotus position. They all gathered around the large kitchen table, tea and various beverages being handed around. Cyborg pressed a steaming cup of her favourite herbal blend into her hands. She accepted it with a wane smile. Noticing with a prick of shame that he had had to use one of his own mugs.
“Right, firstly. BB are you okay?” said Robin.
“All’s good. Bit of a hard smack but,” Beast Boy tapped lightly against his skull, “I’ve got a hard head.”
“I checked for signs of concussion and internal bleeding but no symptoms. I’ll do a few more checks later to make sure but his shifting tends to prevent things like that.” Assured Cyborg, sprawling into his seat and draining half his coke in three big gulps.
“Okay, good,” Robin and the others turned to Raven. She shrank back, gripping her tea tight and focused on her reflection in the murky depths. “Raven? What’s going on?”
Raven inhaled deeply, glanced to BB ’s green worried eyes. Remembered the blood. Made herself talk.
“I haven’t been sleeping enough. I keep having these recurring dreams-nightmares. Sleep deprivation doesn’t really play well with my powers. I keep losing control.”
“It’s not like you to lose control over a few nightmares?” Robins pinched brows slowly relaxed, voice blending from stern to concerned.
Raven took a sip of her tea, another deep breath. “You’re right. I thought they were dreams at first but now-now I think they might be visions. It’s always the same thing, time after time, and the sensations only get more intense.”
Cyborg frowned, leaning forward from his slouched position. “You got any idea what’s causing them? It’s not your father is it?”
“No, I unequivocally cut the demonic link to him when we banished him back to hell.”
“Well then, if it’s not him what’s causing them? You’ve never had visions before. What are they about?”
“I-I’m not sure. Suffering. Half the time all I can remember is heat and pain and this terrible, terrible noise. Like something crawling around in my very soul. It’s…it was…” Raven trailed off. Looking at her reflection wavering in her tea she realized she was trembling. Voice chocked and mind scattered with fear. “It was just so painful. I didn’t want…I didn’t want to remember,” she whispered.
There was a scrape of a chair and then Beast Boy was laying a heavy hand across her shoulder. She flinched at first, then leaned into the touch. “Breath Rae Rae. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. It’s okay.”
Raven gulped down her panicked breaths and drained the rest of tea, erasing her reflection. Terrified eyes too much to bare.
Haltingly she released some of her mental shields. Letting Beast Boys emotions wash over her. It was easy to parse out worry and concern, flickers of fear and agitation not unexpected. But underneath the choppy waters she found what she always found, a steady core of faith. Something to anchor herself around. BB might be hyper and flighty at times but at his centre he was a stable steady force. Ready to weather anything life threw at him. Raven needed such strength right now.
“Do you think these visions could be a warning of some kind? If something bads going to happen we need to stop it. Are you sure you don’t remember anything, a landmark or something? A person?” Robin asked rapidly, frown heavy behind his mask.
“Dude! Not the time. If Rae Rae knew anything she would tell us. Right, Rae?”
“Friend Beast Boy is right. Now is not the time for the shouting. Friend Raven is obviously troubled by these night horses.”
“Thanks Star, Beast Boy, but Robins right. I can’t let this go on. We all saw that today. If I don’t stop these visions, get some sleep, I’m just going to hurt you.”
“You would never hurt us on purpose Rae Rae.”
‘It wouldn't be on purpose!” She cried, turning to face the other with wide pleading eyes. “I’ve run out of mugs Beast Boy, all shattered! And I didn’t have the control to put them back together. I was too distracted to shield myself today and you ended up getting hurt defending me. What if I go to hit something, or throw a car, and miss? Or I lash out without meaning to? You know what my powers can do. Just how dangerous they are. I need to be able to control them. I need sleep.” Raven took some deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Behind them a cushion met its untimely end. Shredded by black energy. They watched the feathers fall in silence. “I need to overcome this. For my sake. For yours. And if something is going to happen…well, we’re heroes. It’s our job to stop it.”
“I’m glad you agree. I don’t mean to push you Raven but if this is jeopardizing you it’s jeopardizing the team. Are you sure there’s nothing you remember? Nothing you can do to try and jog your memory?”
“…there might be something,” she said after a long pause. “I could go into my mind. Memory is a fickle thing, details are often lost during recollection but the mind remembers a lot more than people realize. But doing so when the sensations of the dreams are so intense can be dangerous. I could get stuck within the memory itself.”
“That don’t sound good to me,” Cyborg said, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. “You could end up with a mind full of soup.”
“If we don’t do something my minds going to become soup anyway. I need sleep Cyborg. I already tried medication, I know you’ve noticed the missing tablets, it didn’t work.”
The eldest of them sighed, glancing around for allies. “What do you think man?” he asked Robin, “being down a titan from sleep deprivation is one thing. Being down a titan because they’ve been mind blended is another.”
“It’s Ravens choice,” was their leaders final decision. “But is there nothing we could do to help? Anything you could do to lessen the risk?”
Raven hummed briefly, considering it. “You and I still have something of a weak psychic bond left over from fighting my father. I might be able to use that as a sort of safety line. Though your lack of training makes it difficult.”
“You mean like when people go deep sea diving and have to pull on a rope three times if they run out of air?”
“Yeah BB, something like that. Though I would have to be the one to pull myself out with it.”
“It’s better than nothing,” stated Robin, “is there anything I need to do?”
“Currently, nothing. It’s going to take me some time to set everything up. There are some protections I can lay down for what little help they might give. And I need to calm myself, meditate. We should meet in the common room in an hour. I should have everything ready by then.”
Before any of the others could comment Raven drew her awareness inward, gathered her energy and teleported herself to the calming sanctuary of her room. Before she could think about it too deeply, before the fear had a chance to claw its way in, she got to work.
Back in the kitchen the rest of the Titans looked at each other uneasily before slowly departing. Beast Boy watched Robin leave with Starfire. He didn ’t like what he was feeling. Thoughts of being able to protect Raven, of being the only one to protect Raven kept swirling in his mind. He knew he was being stupid, possessive, over a girl who never looked at him twice. Envious of one of his best friends for having some nebulous psychic connection that neither of them even wanted.
Beast Boy sighed and stood. Deciding to go run off some animal instincts in the training room.
Later, the Titans watched as Raven draw circles and runes on the floor, burned some incense and placed some stones at perfect angles around herself, all while chanting in a halting, guttural language.
Beast Boy crinkled his nose. He really hated magic sometimes. The incense was enough of an affront on his sensitive nose, but the indistinct energy that gathered left his skin feeling prickly and the air full of static. It made his hair stand on end.
Sitting crossed legged in their respective circles Raven and Robin faced each other. “I need you to focus on me. Nothing else. Don’t let anything or anyone distract you. You must not let your mind wonder or the connection will break and I’ll suffer the backlash. Do you understand?”
“Er, yeah, I got it,” replied Robin, looking as uncomfortable with the magic stuff and Beast Boy felt. His eyes shifted around the room, looking in one direction in particular.
Raven raised an eyebrow and let her gaze drift to land significantly on Starfire. “Believe me I know there’s others you would prefer to think of. And I’m not thrilled about it either, I might add. But for this to work I’m going to need your full concentration.”
Robin blushed lightly but stopped fidgeting and met her eyes square on. “Got it. Think of Raven. Nothing else. You can count on me.”
“Good. Then I’ll begin.” So saying she began to chant, breathing in lungfulls of the familiar musky incense. Letting her awareness deepen, her mind open. The world fade to black.