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the breeze, warm comfort.
how you would have liked it here.
under amber light.
traveling the lands of liyue had not been as difficult as he'd at first thought it was going to be. here, travelers could walk freely to anywhere in the land, so long as they had equipped themselves with the necessary material to do so; other than that, there was nothing stopping him. no official processing or documentation, no watchful gaze of the commission, no identity down to the farthest detail written on a paper somewhere.
here, he could simply walk the dirt paths winding around mountains and pools and travel freely wherever he liked, and there was nothing that tried to stop him from doing so. sure, some millelith guards questioned him every now and then, but he'd tell them whatever he figured he could let slip, and they'd let him on his way with good tidings and well wishes, sometimes well-placed curiosity, too.
every now and then, he'd send letters on the wind to the crux fleet, and received a reply from the captain asking how he was, to which he replied with a warm note and a brief description of whatever scenery was surrounding him at the moment.
today, the weather was clear, the sun was warm, and he stood within the ruins of some temple at a place called the luhua pools, the waters aquamarine and beautiful. fish, dotting the waters, lotus flowers, adorning the shores, strange statues he did not know of and ancient torches lit by some strange magic. trees with lovely orange leaves, casting good shades to rest beneath, flora dappling the landscape and fauna prancing in the bushes, scattering at a slight sound of wind rustling the branches.
he hummed, and hawed, brush spinning between his fingertips of the hand not bandaged, before touching it to the scroll of paper he'd brought with him. a kind innkeeper had offered to lend him some for the price of keeping a few monsters away, and he'd gladly done so.
again, as they did often, his hands were now idle again, resting on the rock he was seated on, as he turned his gaze to the fluffy white clouds overhead as one traveled over the light of the sun. he wondered, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, taking in the warmth around him, how many times he had seen such a view...
shining waters flow.
lonely leaf, dancing freely.
lotus blooming by.
"kazuha," a voice whispered to him, "you're zoning out again. c'mon, if we want to reach the peak by sunset, we'd better get a move on."
he blinked his eyes slowly open, and saw a familiar face smiling delicately at him, an amused expression on it. a hand brushed his bangs out of the way, before settling on his shoulder, a soft and gentle chuckle echoing. crouched down beside him, high ponytail holding messy hair idly waving in the air, glinting gold, so, so blinding. his first name...
"surely i can rest for a moment? we've been walking all day," he replied, his own voice sounding distant, empty, hollow, so meek in comparison to the other's light tones, "you're always so quick to get going. should we not appreciate the scenery?"
how warm the hand was on his shoulder, how the sparks it sent through his body, how naive the other was to the yearning in his heart. his friend barked a more energetic laugh, clapping his shoulder a bit more earnestly before standing up and stretching his arms above his head with a yawn. the spotted shadows of the trees overhead overlaid his shoulders and head, creating leaf-shaped spots of light on his face, eyes cast in shade and lips cast in light.
"ahh, hey, this'll be good for you! hiking is a great way to clear the mind, and you said so yourself that it always feels like your own is clouded. i'm just being a good friend by accompanying you, aren't i?" the other replied dryly, quirking a brow up at him and beaming that firework smile again, enough that he squinted in response.
his mind had been clouded. clouded by a tempest that swirled and stormed, rain battering inside his skull, loud and unrelenting, doubts and fears along with them, endless and eternal. the storm rarely cleared, and how incessant it'd become. sometimes, he even wished to drown in it, and let himself...
"...mm," he hummed back, turning his gaze over to the tree beside him, letting those musings run silent. "you are a good friend."
the other blinked at him slowly for a moment, before snorting a chuckle and shyly rubbing the back of his neck.
"you really just go and say those things genuinely outta nowhere, huh... i'll never get used to that, gives me whiplash," huffed in soft frustration, before surprise, as kazuha got to his feet and dusted himself off, sighing quietly. "oh, so we are going to keep hiking--?"
"we can't miss the sunset on a clear day like this, can we?"
silence, just for a moment, before another smile showed itself again upon those lips, and his friend may never get used to his straight-faced compliments, but he would never get used to that smile that somehow parted the clouds in his head.
idle chatter fills.
the air meant for breathing in.
shared moments, gray clouds.
the empty vision in his hand, dull and gray, still reflected the light that bounced off of it, and his gaze watched that reflection, searching anywhere for a shimmer of elemental energy, anywhere, any lingering traces of that god-sent power, any last memories of the one who once held it so...
...it remained that lifeless color.
he glared at it, just for a moment. let himself be angry, give himself rage, just for a moment, before... exhale.
there was no use, trying to be upset at something in the past. he'd come to terms with this. he'd always let nature overtake his emotions, calm himself, let the storm run through him and over him, and come to terms with it. each and every time. ever since that day, his mind had only been ever more clouded... even though he'd understood it, even if in the end there was nothing he could do to change it, still, surely he could allow himself to feel for the one he had called a friend?
others around him always perceived him to be like an autumn breeze, wistful and cool, drifting and fleeting. his friend had been the same, ignorant, to the whirlwind enveloping him at every moment, but what was there to blame? he'd not wanted anyone to know of the whirlwind, not wanted to be anything but a maple leaf, dancing on that autumn breeze.
but he regretted it.
all the same, he tried, tried so desperately, to let that regret pass through him. all the same, he tried to imagine another life, where he hadn't been so fearful of the storm raging in his chest and tried to keep it under wraps... but thoughts like that were listless, meaningless, empty, like the vision he held so tightly to his chest now.
he curled in on himself, grit his teeth and bit back the sound on his tongue, hiding his eyes beneath his bangs because there was no one to brush them aside with a characteristically gentle touch, no one to squeeze his shoulder and get him to unwind, no one to listen to the windstorm, and hold him still in nights of restless sleep.
the ruins were silent around him, as if respecting his grief. the croaking frogs had retreated to their stone abodes, the fish hiding amongst the lotus reeds. even the petals of the lotus flowers were idle, as the breeze came to a stillness, all held in a hush as if nature was being patient with him.
in the sunlight of a foreign land, he only had two, true links to the place he had once called home. the blade at his side, forever faithful and true, and the vision of one who once was.
yearning, futile thoughts.
remaining despite the lies.
if only time healed.
"...it's beautiful," the other murmured in awe, at the golden glow of the sun spilling out over tranquil seawater, rippling shines dappling the smooth waves, none of those mountain-high tides to disturb the peace of the scenery. his hair lit the same as those waves, bright and warm, the color of a faded ginko leaf, his eyes glittering in awe, mouth parted ever so slightly open at the sight. "what a wondrous sunset..."
he stared at the other's expression, the hairs framing the other's face, the golden line crossing over the scar on the other's nose.
"yes," he replied distantly, seeing the blues of that scarf around the other's shoulders fade purple in the setting sun, rich crimson and ebony black robes, the piece of wheat barely held between the other's teeth, "it really is."
they sat together, in the soft grasses on the cliff side, overlooking the sea spilled out before them. the rustling of sparrows, returning to their nests after a long, warm day, the foxes in the undergrowth, trotting back to their burrows, the ferrets scuttling away, the flowers, waving in the sunlit evening gales.
"ahh, i'm glad we made it up here in time," a huffed laugh again, a hand reaching out to gently rub his shoulder, "this view is really something else."
his eyes trailed along the light spilling across the other's form, all the way back to the fingers curled around his shoulder, before biting his tongue as the other moved his hand back to his lap. instead, he nodded his head along with the other's comment, finally turning his eyes to the sun dipping below the waves.
"you feel any better?" the other asked, turning to look at him.
he didn't dare meet the other's gentle face.
"yes, i think so," he breathed out a little bit too quickly, keeping his eyes averted and taking air into his lungs to avoid facing the warmth climbing up his face, "nature does a wonder for the mind it seems." he quipped, letting his eyelids fall shut and again feeling the sensation of the flora around them, listening to the waves splash against the cliff, the trees, swaying slowly.
silently, he leaned toward the other, just slightly, a little more, before his head rested on his friend's shoulder. there was a slight twitch, before a hand once again touched his shoulder, but this time it was an arm around him, too, and the other was warm, warm, warm, warmer than the sunset they were watching together.
"...are you sure you're going to be alright?" the other muttered, voice rolling into a deeper tone, the quiet worry settling deep in his chest, breaths ghosting along his ears.
he opened his eyes, moving his hand to gingerly hold the other's crimson robe in his hand, eyes narrowed as he watched the lines of white gold disappear as the sun continued to sink. it wasn't fair, the other asking him that question so genuinely. he praised nature endlessly, for its kindness and its mercilessness, and yet the warmth of someone he could call a friend...
"i'll be fine," he lied through his teeth, feeling something sting at his eyelids, "wanderers do not easily succumb to themselves."
he could feel the other's stare burning into his head, before that gentle hand trailed over his head, running its fingers through his hair, and his shoulders shook as he felt the sensation, the sparks running through his veins.
"...if you say so."
he did not let the sob go past his lips, only exhaling thinly once more, as he rest his head on the shoulder of someone he called a friend, as someone he called a friend worked fingers against his scalp, as someone he called a friend held him as the sun vanished beneath the sea, the sky alight with stars, each and every one alone.
"you know," the other's voice had gone soft again, "you can tell me anything. i'm always here to listen."
how loud that torrent was against his ears, his pulse running like rain drops against the safety of a stone wall.
"it's... nothing important," he whispered, "just... some senseless thoughts." he held back all the words on his tongue, all the water held by a dam in his throat, all the things he wanted to say, all the things unbefitting of one who called himself a samurai. the desperation of someone who...
the other's fingers, threaded through his hair, before a head leaned slightly to rest on his own.
he heard the other huff a chuckle, holding him a little bit tighter.
"okay, kazuha."
the sea spray dapples.
your smile, brighter than the sun.
my wish, out of reach.
tears rolled down his cheeks, as he held it to his chest, breaths coming in a rush, rain drops spilling from his eyes. his own storm, caught up to him, the floodgates broken, unsightly and yet human. it unsettled him, how emotional he was being, and yet this grief, these tears, they were his reminders, his last remaining memorial. was it selfish? it might have been, and yet the tears did not halt.
"i never got to tell you," he whispered to the silence around him, to the lifeless blessing of the gods in his hands, "i never got to tell you how thankful i was. i never got to tell you how much i yearned for you. i never—" a whimper broke past his mouth, and he bit his lip, to hold his breath and speak again.
the silence said nothing back to him, as he let himself cry in the shade of a tree, the midday sun bright above his head, a star so far away. the water running down his face felt more like flames, burning hot against his skin, overwhelming in a thousand ways and yet there was no one to witness them but the nature around him.
"i miss you," the words went in a hush, he didn't have enough breath to speak and yet he spoke to no one anyways, "i miss you, your kindness, your courage, your strength. your bravery that left me with nothing. you left me nothing but an empty shell of a vision. how cruel of you."
he gasped softly, before he laughed weakly, pressing the shell to his cheek with both hands, more tears spilling down his eyes as he stared at his reflection in that too-clear water. the bags beneath his eyes were evident to his nights of restless, his hair a bit more wild than it was all those months and years ago.
"you were home," and he kissed the glass of the vision-not-his in his hands, cold against his lips. "i never got to call you more than a friend."
the sounds of the world resumed around him, the leaves rustling with a warm wind, enveloping his frame, as he stared at the shell, in his bandaged hand. he cried in the middle of an unfamiliar land, over someone he once knew, holding something that didn't belong to him, and never truly would. how foolish he was, to think that they would have met again under the flashing glare of a god who craved eternity. what naivete. if he had said these words sooner, if he had told the other of the storm in his heart, would the other still be-
"i love you."
there was no reply.
the earth, holding growth.
we could have lived here as one.
beneath lapis skies.