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Caroline finds herself unable to achieve comfort in her bed. She keeps tossing and turning, too aware of everything. Too aware of the fact that she’s currently sharing her dorm with Katherine Pierce, of all people, after they teamed up and made a surprisingly good team.
It is easy to tell Katherine’s not sleeping either, through the occasional shift and the unsteady breathing. It’s still so odd for the untouchable vampire seductress to have become a regular human. Well. She doesn’t think Katherine could ever be classified as regular, but still. Caroline softly calls her name.
“What is it?” she asks, her back to Caroline.
“Are you… having trouble sleeping…?”
Rather unkindly, Katherine says, “What is it to you?”
“Well, I can’t sleep either,” Caroline says slowly. “Obviously. You wanna talk about what’s keeping you awake?”
“So you can feel better about whatever’s keeping you from your beauty sleep?” She can’t see Katherine’s face, but she bets she’s sneering.
She swallows dryly. “Pretty much.”
She doesn’t really believe Katherine will indulge her, but then she hears a sigh.
“I was thinking about all the different lives I’ve led.”
Whatever Caroline had been expecting, that…wasn’t it. Several quips are ready on her tongue, but she swallows them down. She peers at Katherine’s back, her dark curls illuminated by the moonlight.
“I wonder which one you’d like best,” Katherine says thoughtfully. “I think you would have liked Katerina. She believed in true love.”
Katherine says it with such a derogatory tone, like the very idea of believing in such a thing is laughable.
“I used to cut pictures out of magazines and make collages of my perfect princess wedding when I was little,” Caroline says, just to have a reply. “There may have been glitter involved. Would Katerina have done something like that?”
An unexpected laugh has Caroline’s eyes widen. She doesn’t know if she’s ever heard Katherine laugh before. Not like this.
“Oh, undoubtedly. Just replace the glitter collage with sappy letters to imagined suitors, written in the garden of roses after rainfall.”
“Maybe I would have liked her,” Caroline muses. “We’ll never know. Even if we would, I think I’d still prefer you over her.”
Katherine shifts and turns so she’s facing Caroline. Her expression is full of mocking disbelief.
“The selfish bitch who chooses herself above all others?”
Caroline makes a noise of disagreement. It’s hard to reconcile the old Katherine—narrowed eyes, bloodred lips, always one step ahead—with new Katherine—scathingly sarcastic, willing to help outmaneuver a bad guy, undoubtedly human.
“That may have been who you were as a vampire, but you don’t have to run from Klaus anymore. You’ve got the opportunity to grow and change.”
“You think just because I don’t have to run anymore it’ll suddenly stop five centuries of selfishness?” Katherine lets out a theatrical sigh. “Oh, Caroline. I thought you were the smart one.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not saying you’ll be cutting ribbons for the mayor anytime soon. I just meant… You know what, I don’t know. Maybe you’re right, and filling your heart with emptiness is all you can do. And maybe selfish is all you’ll ever be.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Katherine says defensively. “I have always looked out for myself, and that’s how I’m still here. I will always look out for myself.”
“Isn’t it lonely, though?” Caroline asks, bewildered. “Just surviving?”
She can’t picture a life without the support of her friends.
“I’d rather live alone than die surrounded by people,” Katherine says simply. “What good is not being alone if it gets you killed?”
She can only see the outline of Katherine’s face in the darkness of the night, but she knows her well enough to translate the cold, simple practicality in her voice to the expression on her face.
“It means you’re living your life,” Caroline argues. “It means dying with no regrets.”
“Running means surviving. Surviving means not giving Klaus the satisfaction of catching up to me and finishing what he started with my family. I’d rather have that than ‘live my life’.” Katherine's voice uses air quotes with derision.
“You don’t have to run from Klaus anymore,” Caroline reminds her gently.
“Fine, I’ll humor you,” Katherine tells her, a mocking smile evident in her tone. “Who would I be, if it weren’t for my inherent selfishness?”
Caroline doesn’t know what spurs her to do it, but she follows impulse and gets up from her bed. She lies down next to Katherine in hers, crawling under the covers.
Katherine is human now, and it’s all too clear by the heat she radiates, her body so close to Caroline’s.
“You’d still be you,” Caroline says softly. “You’d just have more.”
“I don’t know how to have more,” Katherine confesses, just as quietly, her tone reluctant. Caroline can hear her human heartbeat pound quicker.
The barest whisper. “I can show you.”
It’s the same impulse as before that has her hands framing Katherine’s face, stroking her curls. It’s the same impulse that has her leaning in and brushing her lips to hers.
It’s different to kissing a guy.
It’s softer, but maybe that’s because Caroline is being so uncharacteristically hesitant.
It takes what feels like an eternity until Caroline feels the brush of Katherine’s thumb against her cheekbone as Katherine finally responds to the kiss with fervor. They tumble around for a bit to find a comfortable position, and before Caroline knows it she’s shivering from the trail of kisses Katherine is leaving on her neck before traveling downwards, until—
“I miss it,” Katherine says, after cutting their impromptu make-out session short.
Caroline’s brain is a little busy short-circuiting, but she still manages to ask, “Miss what?”
“Being a vampire,” Katherine says. “Nothing can hurt you when you’re evil, except a greater evil. That, you have to outrun. I was invincible.”
Caroline just breathes, watching her. It strikes her, for about the thousandth time, how different Katherine is from Elena. The difference is in Elena’s favor, the Salvatores would say. Caroline is not so sure she agrees.
“Caroline…” The way Katherine says her name then makes her toes curl. “Do you ever want to do something… really bad?”
A shiver runs through her.
“Sometimes,” she admits, something she never has before. “The feeling of power…”
“Exhilarating,” Katherine whispers against her skin.
Caroline finds herself nodding. There are so many ways this night could go.
Katherine pulls herself off Caroline and sighs heavily.
“Good night, Caroline.”
Oh.
The logical, rational part of her thinks, good. Nothing good will come of getting involved with Katherine Pierce. The rest of her, however, is disappointed.
“Good night, Katherine.”
Caroline is still too aware of everything, too aware of the body next to hers being Katherine Pierce’s, but somehow, this awareness gives her comfort. Caroline falls asleep.
When she wakes, there’s warmth on her face from the sun’s rays through the window. Next to her is an empty space where similar warmth should be.
More disappointment like last night floods her, as much as she tries to fight it. Wasn’t it Caroline who had insisted on not getting too close with Katherine? Who had insisted this roommate situation was only temporary?
Careful what you wish for, she thinks despondently as she gets up and walked back to her own bed.
The door opens.
“I have zero idea how you like your coffee, but I made a guess, so you had better enjoy this,” Katherine threatens, balancing two coffee cups with the most epic bedhead Caroline has ever seen. Human Katherine is not much of a morning person.
Caroline takes the cup Katherine offers her, and pauses. “Did you poison this?” she asks accusingly, not really serious.
“Oh, honey.” The look Katherine gives her is piteous, her lips curling into a wry smirk that should not be allowed to be that hot with zero make-up and no brushed hair. “My lips are poison. You’re already doomed.”
Caroline thanks all her lucky stars that Katherine doesn’t have super hearing anymore, for she’d surely hear the increased beat of her heart.
“Bite me,” Caroline says, before feigning a gasp. “Oh wait, you can’t anymore! My bad.”
She takes a sip of the coffee. It’s really close to her regular order, which is honestly impressive.
“Well?” Katherine asks, impatient.
“Not bad,” she allows.
“A gold star from Caroline Forbes,” Katherine surmises. “I might survive human life yet.”