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On January 6th, 2021, L'manberg was gone for good. Explosions rang for the hundredth time, suffocating Tubbo's ears. At the time, it hadn't bothered him much but as time went on, Dream was in jail, he had a husband and a precious adopted baby boy. The constant adrenaline of just trying to stay alive to see the next break of dawn had settled down, but as one door closes, another opens. Resurfacing, he noticed, were things he hadn't experienced before, things like flinching when loud, unexpected noises came about, specifically, explosions. Before, they had never brought out the fear in him, only drawing out quick adrenaline of courage, fearlessness to face whatever he was being thrown into, having nothing really to lose. There was never enough time to be fearful, but now Tubbo had time and things he could lose.
So when the fireworks erupted all over the smp in celebration or remembrance of whatever they were doing, Tubbo finding it hard to remember that in his rather panicked state, the ram hybrid was curled up under as many blankets as he could. He didn't think he was having a ptsd attack as he didn't know much about it, however each burst of color that ruptured through the sky caused a hard flinch, feeling the booms despite having his ears covered. It was like they mocked him, there would be no escape from the phantom burning sensation his scars taunted him with.
BAM
BOOM
He wondered if this was what ptsd was like, knowing that it ranged in a spectrum that Tommy suggested Tubbo aligned in. He’d comforted Tommy through his attacks before, only knowing what he did about the daunting illness from Tommy ranting to him about what he’s learned through therapy, therapy in which Tubbo insisted he didn’t need. He didn’t, this wasn’t a problem before, so it shouldn’t be a problem now.
BASH
BANG
Knock knock knock
"Tubbo?"
The ram hybrid didn't reply, his hands covering his ears, but the presence tried again, but this time they lightly tapped the pile of sheets atop the boy. It caused him to jolt, a yelp escaping him as he scrambled to kick off the sheets and falling to the cold wood floor. Everything was overwhelming, everything was intensified, the taps felt like stabs, the floor felt like sandpaper against his skin, and Tubbo’s hand flew for the small knife in his pocket to hold up for defense.
"I'll kill you!! I'll- I'll cut you up into pieces-!"
“Tubbo! It’s okay! It’s okay, it’s just me!”
The panicked boy’s eyes had been wide in terror and although they had been dead sharp on the person’s body, the dark room accompanied with his panicked state obscured his vision like a sharp blur. The audible footsteps of the other coming closer clawed at Tubbo’s ears, each step making the boy crawl back until his back hit the wall. Bangs of fireworks continued to go off, causing him to flinch each time. The grip on the knife grew so tight it looked as if he’d break his hands holding it, trembling for his own life.
“Go away! Don’t come any closer, I’ll f-fucking nuke you!”
The footsteps came at a stop somewhere in front of him, fireworks outside kept rumbling in the boy’s body causing his phantom burns to flare.
“Tubbo, it’s Ranboo! Your husband, please just- I'm right here, you’re okay!”
“You’re- You’re just-”
Tubbo stumbled with his words, everything was too much, his sudden panic making him short circuit at this point. However, silence filled the room for just a moment, the shorter’s face morphing from angry fear to melancholy realization. He dropped the knife.
“Ranboo…”
The said boy smiled in slight relief, still washed with concern as he kneeled down to his husband on the floor. His mouth opened to reply, but a sudden explosion of color rang, and Tubbo jerked before suddenly choking out a large sob he’d been holding in for far too long.
“P-Please, it- it burns- my burns they-”
He couldn’t finish his sentence, coughing suddenly on his own sobs. His husband himself panicked for a brief second on what to do, awkwardly mumbling before addressing his other half.
“Can I touch you? Like comfort you in any way or is that not allowed right now?”
Tubbo took a second, Ranboo worrying if the other hadn’t heard him, until the crying boy pitifully crawled into the larger boy’s arms. Immediately Tubbo curled himself into Ranboo, holding onto the fabric of his suit in a way that looked painful, each firework going off made the smaller boy press himself further into his husband as if he’d at some point just merge into him. Ranboo, if he was being honest, didn’t get to see much of his husband like this, so looking for him and finding him curled up hidden away like this was honestly the last thing he expected. It felt like slight deja vu, like he’d done this before, but couldn’t exactly remember. However, it wasn’t like instances like that weren’t normal for him. What he did remember though, was their conversation at the cookie outpost thanks to him writing down what Tubbo had told him that day. He knew his husband wished for him to forget, but Ranboo couldn’t do that for him.
“It’s the fireworks, isn’t it? It’s okay Bee, it’ll be okay, breathe with me, please?”
Ranboo carefully pried one of Tubbo’s death grips off his suit until he laid the hand flat on his chest and breathed in. His chest rising up, Tubbo attempted along but very noticeably struggled, so his husband gave careful praise and consolation. Took a few tries, but eventually they evened out a good enough rhythm. Tubbo was now breathing alright accept for a few hiccups or flinches here and there, the fireworks thankfully slowing down, but hadn’t reached a full stop yet, so after calming Tubbo down enough to take more action, Ranboo took his hand and lifted up the ram hybrids face to look at him.
“Hey, I'm going to put on some music to drown out the sounds. I also want to get you up off this hard floor, it’s really uncomfortable for the both of us, Bee. That okay?”
A soft nod was given.
“Then we can sit and talk about what’s going on, is that okay?”
A soft shake of the head was given. A sign of no, in which Ranboo was patient with, but as usual would gently remind the smaller that they did need to talk about this problem eventually, as it wouldn’t just go away if they tried to ignore it. Carefully, with his husband in his arms, Ranboo walked over to set Tubbo on the bed, however, Tubbo wouldn’t let go.
“Love, I need to go put on music and get you some water. Let go please?”
Another shake of the head, seemed he wouldn’t be very talkative.
“I’ll be right back, I promise, only for just a few seconds.”
Tubbo, who was stubborn, continued to hang on, grip only tightening. At this, Ranboo gave in and just heaved the smaller up again with a sigh, the boy wrapped around his tall husband’s body like a koala as the taller awkwardly set about making sure his husband was taken care of. Ranboo wasn’t exactly the strongest, but those super late night mining sessions did pay off, so as he set the glass of water on the bedside table, started up the record player, and finally managed to gently place his husband down on their rather large bed, he heaved a satisfied sigh before crawling into bed with him.
Fireworks subsiding now, their soft breaths heard, and the music softly playing now is what consumed the atmosphere around them. Keeping each other close, a wave of drowsiness was settling in.
“It was the fireworks. You remembered.”
That caught Ranboo by surprise, but he nodded, moving forward to place a soft kiss to his husband’s head.
“Yes, because your trauma matters, Bee. I know I forget, but please don’t tell me things only because you think I'll forget.”
There was a heavy pause until Ranboo took his husband’s face in his hands, knowing the smaller wanted to avoid this,
“Tell me things so I can help you.”
“Sorry Boo…”
“It’s okay, we can work on that. You help me with my problems, let me help you with yours.”
Hesitantly, the smaller nodded before leaning up to press a soft, loving kiss to the taller’s lips while Ranboo’s thumb gently rubbed circles over the dry tear stains upon his lover’s cheek. Soft kisses were exchanged, treating each other as if they were both fragile and could break with the slightest harsh touch, which maybe was true to some degree in this case. One of Tubbo’s hands found itself running through his husband’s multicolored hair, a small giggle escaping his lips as the other’s free arm warped itself around the other’s waist. Ranboo meant to open his mouth to say something, but found himself getting attacked with kisses instead, erupting in a fit of bubbly laughter.
“T-Tubbo-!”
“Sorry, can’t help it, you’re too kissable!”
More laughter erupted, and they both flushed before calming down a bit.
“I love you, Boo.”
“I love you too, Bee, now go to sleep.”
Like the stubborn boy the ram hybrid is, he sticks his tongue out teasingly. However, he does end up giving in, headbutting the chest of the other in affection before curling in, sleep catching up to him. Knowing his husband was safe, it didn’t take long for Ranboo to fall asleep after him.