Work Text:
To katsuki Kacchan
As you read this I know that you’re probably very angry at me, and you have every reason to be, I’m so sorry. But I know you don’t like empty apologies.
Unlike everyone else’s notes, you already know my secret so this note will be very different. Actually, you were the last note I decided to write. I just kept putting it off because I was such a coward and didn’t know what to say to you. I know you’ll probably be mad that I never told you all this to your face, my whole plan and everything, that I was a coward, and maybe you’re right but I had to leave fast.
All for one will never stop and I cannot waste any time. I need to save him.
I know most people will say it’s too late for him and that he’s done too much harm, but I think that it’s never too late. Shigaraki is the way he is because no one was there for him, to save him, when he truly needed it most and now I know that it’s my job as the successor to one for all to fix this.
Kacchan… Please don’t come looking for me. I know you will probably ignore this and do it anyway if you want to, but I have to do this alone. This is a problem that was caused by one for all and its ignorance, so it must be solved by me.
It’s the fact that I never got to say goodbye to you that will always be my biggest regret of leaving.
I only have one wish for you and that’s to continue your path as I will mine. You were always meant for the spotlight. It’s because I always knew from the moment I met you that your entire life will one day be a monument. Because to me, you are the paragon of heroism in its truest form. There will be statues of you build in your likeness in the future, there will be entire lives shaped by you in the same way you shaped mine so absolutely.
So please continue on this path. Be the light that I couldn’t be. Even if I wasn’t meant for it… I know you will be.
-Deku
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Katsuki Bakugo doesn’t “do” regret.
Regret is a sign of weakness.
Its a sign that you could have done better.
He doesn’t do ”better” he does best.
Always striving to be that absolute best that he could be.
Regret is a mistake made.
It’s a moment that you wish you could take back.
It’s a memory from childhood in a lake close to your house where you’re soaking in the lake over the log that you cross over every day with your friends while playing heroes.
It’s a hand reaching out to help you. Purely. A sign of heroism that you’ve never seen.
It’s a deadly recognition of inferiority.
It’s thinking that you don’t need those same pair of eyes staring into your back all the time anymore.
It’s realizing you feel lost without them now that they’re gone.
It’s realizing that you need in way you’ve never needed before.
So no…
He doesn’t “do” regret.
He falls deep into it like an unending lake. Reaching and reaching out. But knowing that your hand will never be taken again, that there isn’t someone reaching out to help you anymore. It drowning in that shallow lake underneath that log from your childhood.
It’s watching someone go from sliding carefully, constantly hesitating to seriously slipping out of control.
Because watching you carry the weight of more than just a boulder on your shoulders is painful in a spiteful and vindictive way. Knowing that I called this exact moment happening like some fucked up psychic months, years, maybe even ages ago.
Because regret is also knowing that the “paragon of heroism”, someone who will have monuments of him, someone who will have stories told for years to come, someone whose mark leaves everyone breathless when they meet him, isn’t him… but Izuku.
Fucking. Izuku. Midorya.
And for a moment he can’t find it in himself to be jealous, even for a second. In fact, he’s almost relieved because he knows that that’s a burden no one would want.