Chapter Text
"Well, I don't."
The words cause a sharp pain on Wilhelm's wrist and all at once, he knows. This boy- Simon- is his soulmate and the first words he's spoken to Wilhem are now emblazoned on to Wilhelm's skin. Shock courses through Wilhelm and he knows he needs to get out of there. Needs to get away from this boy as far as possible. As much as he's always wanted to find his soulmate, this moment fills Wilhelm with nothing but dread.
Because princes can't kiss other boys. Not even if that boy is that prince’s soulmate.
Later, at the initiation party being thrown in his honor, Wilhelm sees Simon again. He knows he should avoid Simon. Knows he should stay away from him or it could be trouble. Because even though Sweden is a pretty progressive country, Wilhelm can't ever imagine a world where a prince can openly have a boy as a soulmate and that just be okay. Erik's words about family and not being selfish still ring in Wilhelm's mind and he knows, he knows that even talking to Simon is dangerous territory.
But the thing is this:
Wilhelm can think about duty and family and the implications of a prince who likes boys but he also can't forget about the way it had felt when Simon had spoken his words and warmth had instantly filled Wilhelm's body as those same words were etched on to his skin. The way it had felt the first time Wilhelm had seen Simon and heard him sing and Wilhelm had somehow known even then that his life was forever altered. The way Wilhelm feels when he looks at his wrist now and sees those words there and he knows that somehow, there's this boy out there who's supposed to be made just for him and against all odds in a world of seven billion people, Wilhelm has managed to find him.
For someone who's always been alone and lonely like Wilhelm has, knowing he has a soulmate out there has brought him comfort on more occasions than he can count. Actually finding his soulmate is more than he ever allowed himself to hope for.
And so for right now, Wilhelm forgets about duty and he forgets about family and he approaches Simon. The conversation is a little awkward at first, Wilhelm feeling clumsy and clueless about how to approach this new relationship. But before long, they're outside together and they're laughing together and Wilhelm's hand is on Simon's mouth to quiet him and Wilhelm feels nothing but light and happy. Wilhelm isn't ready to talk about them being soulmates yet, but he thinks he's ready to learn more about who Simon is.
After that, Wilhelm finds himself making excuses to talk to Simon. Giving unsolicited advice in math class, approaching him during rowing practice, reaching out for casual touches, joining him whenever he can during meals. Then he’s hanging out with Simon outside of school, skipping out on practice to do so and he can’t bring himself to care about August’s guilt trip about it. Not when Simon is smiling at him that way. Not when they’re both riding on the back of motorbikes, reaching out for each other’s hands and Wilhelm imagines that he can see the glimpse of words on Simon’s covered arms.
Wilhelm tells himself that it doesn't mean anything. That he just wants to be friends with his soulmate and that's all it is. That Wilhelm is fine with it only ever being that, that soulmates don’t always have to be romantic, they can be platonic too. And if Wilhelm's eyes and touch on Simon happen to linger for longer than is normal then well, he tells himself that's fine too.
But then it's horror movie night and Simon's fingers are brushing against his own, so close to where his words are tattooed into Wilhelm's wrist and he knows that it's not fine. That he's not okay with holding back anymore, with denying himself happiness for a throne that will never be his anyway. So when Simon follows Wilhelm out of the room and down the stairs, Wilhelm follows his heart and his instincts and he reaches out and kisses Simon.
The kisses are hesitant and unsure, but they're perfect. Simon is perfect and kind and gentle and Wilhelm is falling, falling hard.
But in the harsh light of the morning, Wilhelm wakes up to a text from his mom and he is reminded: his duty. And as perfect as those kisses were, this is not a perfect world where a prince can have a boyfriend.
So, he tells Simon to forget the kiss. Tells Simon that they can still be friends. He ignores the way his heart clenches at the words, how everything in him is telling him to take it back. That he’s making the wrong decision. Because this is how things have to be.
Being friends with Simon doesn’t last long. They go back to lingering looks and touches and Wilhelm is restless, spending his nights longing for a boy he knows he can never have. He scrolls through Simon’s Instagram, staring at his photos and remembering what it was like to have his lips on his. How freeing it felt to do what he wanted for once, rather than what his family wanted him to do.
Wilhelm isn’t even surprised when he barely lasts a week before he approaches Simon to take back everything he said about forgetting their kiss. Plans with Simon in place, Wilhelm finally sleeps again.
Of course, the happiness doesn’t last. It never does for Wilhelm.
The grief over Erik’s death is overwhelming and Wilhelm is in the familiar place of being alone once more. The shackles of duty have once again fastened themselves to his wrists and the throne is looming ever closer and as he looks at the surreal sight of his older brother's coffin, Wilhelm knows that he can no longer pretend that happiness in this world is meant for him.
Wilhelm keeps his distance from Simon once he’s back at school. He deletes their texts and he deletes Simon’s contact information off of his phone and he pretends that he can also delete Simon from his heart. He’s no longer just the prince anymore, he’s the crown prince. And what that means for his life-for his future- is far more serious.
Then, Wilhelm is drunk and he's high and he's in a football field and he can't stop staring at the words on his wrist. He can't stop tracing them with his fingers, feeling how they feel against him. Can't stop thinking about Simon and how he's never seen his own words on Simon’s skin. There’s so much in this world that is fake. The smiles he puts on for the press. The words he speaks in interviews, put in his mouth by representatives for his family. The act he puts on for most of the world.
But the words on his skin. The way he is around Simon. The way he feels around Simon. None of that is fake.
Before he knows it, Simon is there, he’s there and he’s real and he’s beautiful and Wilhelm can’t believe he ever got so lucky to have this amazing person as his soulmate. Simon is there and he stays with Wilhelm and for now, that is enough.
The next morning, Wilhelm knows he should let Simon go. Should tell him that he was just drunk and high last night and that it didn’t mean anything. But Wilhelm is tired. He’s tired and he’s sad and being around Simon is one of the only things that brings him comfort. He’s tired of denying himself that comfort. So, he asks Simon to hold him.
As Simon is holding him, his fingers stroking over Wilhelm’s skin and Wilhelm feeling nothing but safe, Wilhelm speaks.
"Can I see?"
"Can you see what?" Simon asks, the words slightly muffled from where his face is still pressed to Wilhelm's neck.
"My words. On your wrist. Can I see?”
Simon's soothing movements freeze and Wilhelm understands. This is the first time they've acknowledged out loud that they've marred each other's skin by doing nothing other than speaking words. The first acknowledgment that they're meant to be, that the universe has created them from stardust to be each other's soulmate.
Before, William couldn't acknowledge it, too terrified what it meant for his life and Simon had just followed his lead. But now, Wilhelm isn't scared anymore. He wants to embrace this. He wants to let Simon in. He’s tired of running from his destiny.
"Are you sure?" Simon's voice is soft. Like he recognizes the delicateness of this moment and wants to treat it with the care it deserves. The same way he treats Wilhelm with nothing but care.
Wilhelm nods. "I want to see. Please."
Simon is silent and still for a few seconds but then he moves, unwinding his arm from Wilhelm's shoulders before slowly starting to roll his shirt sleeve up. Wilhelm can't stop staring, hungry for his first glance at his handwriting on Simon's skin. It seems to take a lifetime and a second all at the same time, but then there they are:
I didn't know you belonged to Forest Ridge.
The words shouldn't send a rush of relief through Wilhelm. He shouldn't be surprised- he's known Simon was his soulmate since the first time he had spoken to him. Part of him probably knew it even before then, from the first time he had seen Simon and heard him sing and something in his heart told him ‘this one. this one is going to change your life.’
But Wilhelm can't help but to feel relief at this confirmation. This confirmation that yes, he belongs in this world. Yes, his feelings are valid and not shameful. Because how can he feel shame for loving Simon when the universe itself is telling him how right it is?
Wilhelm reaches out and runs his fingers over the words, imagining how they must have looked when they first appeared on Simon’s skin. The skin was probably red and angry at first with irritation, but then the words likely settled on his skin and now it looks like they’ve always been there. Like they’ve always been together and have never had to spend a day apart. Like Wilhelm has never been alone and has always had Simon by his side.
Simon lets Wilhelm take in his fill before he speaks again. “Can I see yours?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course you can.” Wilhelm holds out his own wrist and Simon lets out a light gasp before pulling Wilhem’s arm closer to him so he can better see the words.
“Wow.” Simon whispers, his voice full of emotion.
“Yeah.” Wilhelm agrees, smiling at the awed look at Simon’s face. Simon. His soulmate. Wow.
Wilhelm moves his hand to brush against Simon’s cheek, hoping Simon feels as comfortable with him as he does with Simon. And as Simon looks up to meet Wilhelm’s eyes, his expression nothing but tender, Wilhelm knows. Simon feels the same. He’s not alone in this. He will never be alone as long as he has Simon.
“Wille?” Simon reaches out to hold Wilhelm’s wrist and Wilhelm makes a questioning noise in acknowledgement of the question. “I like you too.”
* * *
After that morning, Wilhelm and Simon fall back into things like they never stopped in the first place. They still can’t be open about their relationship, but Wilhelm can shower Simon with affection behind closed doors and find ways to do kind gestures in public, like bringing Simon a sandwich when Simon is too busy laying in bed with him to make it to breakfast.
Wilhelm knows that he’s probably being too obvious and that his bodyguards definitely know what’s going on, but they don’t say anything and that’s all Wilhelm needs. Whatever can keep him in this bubble with Simon, whatever can keep them together. That’s all that he needs.
Because Simon is the one person that Wilhelm can be himself with, the one person that Wilhelm can talk to and know that he won’t be judged. Simon is sweet and understanding and never asks for more than Wilhelm can give. The quiet moments that they share together are everything that Wilhelm needs to breathe through the suffocation of his life. He would do anything he could for Simon, anything to protect him. Even if it means embarrassing his own cousin in front of other students to prevent Simon from being expelled.
“I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only one here that I feel like I can actually talk to.” William admits, feeling stripped raw by the words. He’s not used to being vulnerable like this. He’s not used to showing it to other people- the only other person who ever really saw it was Erik and now he’s gone. But somehow, he knows that he can trust Simon with his vulnerability. That Simon will take care of him, just like he always has.
And Simon does take care of him. “Come here,” Simon replies, his voice soft and like a balm to Wilhelm’s skin. He gets up from the table he was sitting on and wraps his arms around Wilhelm, holding him. They cling to each other and Wilhelm feels overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings. He can’t believe that he’s here, that he’s in love with another boy and that he’s okay. That it’s okay. As he kisses Simon, he feels relief in the knowledge that he will never lose what they have. That the universe wants them to be together.
But then the video comes out.
The video comes out and they’ve been outed and Wilhelm can’t breathe. It’s all too much and this time, not even Simon can make things go away and get better. Not when the whole world has found out about them and his mom is responding with the way he always feared she would respond. Not when she’s telling him to deny that it’s him, deny that he was the one with Simon. Not when Wilhelm is beginning to feel the walls close in from all sides around him.
Simon’s right. They didn’t do anything wrong. Wilhelm doesn’t feel any shame about what they did or what they are to each other. And Simon’s right that his family doesn’t have to dictate what he says. Simon and him can do this together. He tells Simon that he will tell his mom that he doesn’t want to stop seeing Simon. That he will talk to her about the statement.
But it all goes wrong. His mom reminds him again of his obligation to the throne. She calls his relationship with Simon unfortunate. She reminds him of how much more attention will be brought to him if he doesn’t deny it. And it’s the thought of even more attention, even more scrutiny that has the familiar pinpricks of anxiety creeping across his skin.
Even still, it’s not until the interview is underway that Wilhelm knows what he’s going to do. What he must do. And as Wilhelm follows the predetermined script and denies that the person in that video is him, he swears his wrist stings just a little.
Afterwards, he goes to see Simon. Even though he has to give in to what his family demanded of him, he doesn’t want to lose Simon. That’s the last thing he wants. He can’t imagine not having Simon in his life and losing what they have. Life without Simon would not be much of a life at all. Not a real one, at least.
Simon listens to him, like he always does. He’s patient, like he always is.
He tells Wilhelm to take his time coming out and that he respects that. He calls Wilhelm out on things always needing to be on Wilhelm’s terms. Then he reaches out to grab Wilhelm's hand and he lifts it, moving to press a soft kiss to the inside of the wrist. To where the words lay, a declaration that Wilhelm is his and Simon is Wilhelm's. He looks up at Wilhelm, a sad smile on his face before he speaks the words that break Wilhelm’s heart.
"You're my soulmate, but I can't be your secret."
* * *
Numb. After things with Simon end, everything is numb. Wilhelm is numb, the motions he forces himself through every day are numb, the days are nothing but numb. He tells Simon of his love for him, but when Simon responds with nothing but politeness, Wilhelm knows that this time, the end is for real.
He returns to the castle for Christmas break. He spends the holiday with his family, trying to ignore the twinge of pain in his chest at the sight of Erik’s empty chair at the dining room table. He tries to ignore the hole in his stomach whenever he opens Instagram to see a new post or story from Simon, a big smile across his face like none of this is affecting Simon at all. It wouldn’t be fair for Wilhelm to be hurt by that. Simon has been through so much recently because of Wilhelm and his family. He deserves happiness, even if it’s not with Wilhelm by his side.
After Wilhem’s public denial about the video, the focus turns mainly to Simon. He sees Simon’s Instagram comments get flooded by strangers, some of them supportive and some of them nasty and homophobic. Finally, Simon turns his page private. Wilhelm can’t imagine how overwhelming this must all be to Simon. He remembers how he told Simon they would do this together and the guilt hits him again.
When he returns to school after break, Simon is gone. Wilhelm had heard that he would probably change schools because of all of the fallout, but he didn’t think it would actually happen until he was faced with the reality.
Simon was gone. And Wilhelm didn’t know if he would ever get to see him again.
Days pass by, then weeks. Wilhelm feels like he’s drifting through life with no purpose. Like he’s a puppet whose strings are being pulled by others and where he has no actual freewill. He’s only a teenager, but he’s tired.
He’s tired of having so much weight on his shoulders, tired of the crown looming so large over everything else in his life. It’s almost a relief when he finishes school for the year and can return back to the castle. Sure, he has to be away from the town where his soulmate lives, but at least he can hide in the castle. At least he doesn’t constantly have the eyes of his classmates around him, the people who know that he lied about not being in that video. The people who know that he was too much of a coward to stand up for who he is.
There’s an interview scheduled for shortly after he returns home from school. They want to speak to him about his first year and the charitable endeavors he will be involved in over the summer. Erik participated in work with a number of charities and as the new crown prince, Wilhelm will be expected to take over those duties. It’s one of the few things about being a royal that he actually enjoys. It should be a standard interview, nothing that Wilhelm hasn’t done numerous times before.
But mid-way through the interview, it goes off script from the prepared and screened-in questions that Wilhelm had been provided with beforehand.
“Shortly before Christmas,” the interviewer begins, a smirk on his face. Wilhelm feels dread fill his body. “You were involved in another scandal, but this one very different from the one that led you to Hillerska. This scandal, if you remember, involved a video of two men engaged in a...shall we say, private moment. You were rumored to be one of the men in this video. You of course denied that it was you and no real proof ever emerged to prove otherwise, but it did result in you speaking general support to the LGBTQ population. Can you speak more about that?”
Wilhelm sits frozen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t their usual trusted interviewer, but this was still one the royal family used on a semi-regular basis. This interviewer had never veered from the script before like this. Never. Wilhelm has no clue what to do and he starts rubbing his hands restlessly on his thigh. Anxiety coursing through him, Wilhelm looks down into his lap to try and buy him some more time.
As he tries to sort through the panic in his brain to come up with an acceptable answer, the ends of his shirt pull down a bit from where he has been rubbing his hands and Wilhelm sees the beginning of them. He sees the beginning of the words on his skin: "Well, I don't." Ever since things ended with Simon, Wilhelm has felt nothing but pain and regret when looking at them.
But not this time.
This time, the sight of them gives Wilhelm clarity and they give him strength. They remind him of what’s important and what’s real and what in this life makes Wilhelm happy. What makes him feel alive and what makes him feel like maybe, life isn’t so bad.
Flashbacks of Simon go through his mind: Simon’s smile, Simon’s touch, Simon’s hugs, Simon’s kisses. Simon. And with Simon in his mind, Wilhelm knows what he wants to do. But even as he thinks of Simon, he knows this: he isn't doing this for Simon. He's doing this for himself.
He's doing this because no matter what his duty to his country and his family is, he has a duty to himself. To be happy, to be honest, to be true to himself. And if that means he can never be King of Sweden, then so be it. At least he will be him. At least other people out there like him will see that it's fine to embrace who you are, that it's fine to be proud of who you are and who you love. That you don't have to hide.
And so, Wilhelm reaches out and he gently strokes the words on his skin before taking a deep breath and looking up to face the interviewer once more. He adjusts his posture so he’s sitting up straight, his shoulders pushed back and his chest sticking out. He wants to look confident and he wants to look proud. Because there is nothing he should be ashamed of. Not anymore.
“Yes,” Wilhelm’s voice is calm and clear. “I’m glad you brought that up.”
The interviewer is the one who looks surprised now. He clearly wasn’t expecting Wilhelm’s confidence in the face of his ambush. “Oh?”
“Yes. That video...it’s disgusting that video got out. That was a private moment shared between two individuals and the fact that someone exploited it like that is beyond words. The press and the public who continued to exploit it were just as bad, not to mention the harassment of the individuals in the videos. But what I want to address is my remark after the video came out.”
Wilhelm pauses here to take a moment and he sees a royal aide making frantic gestures from behind the interviewer, trying to tell him to stop. He ignores them. He’s been listening to others for far too long. It’s time he starts listening to himself.
“I said I wasn’t one of the people in that video. I lied. It was me. It was wrong of me to lie, but it was also wrong why I felt like I had to lie. We say Sweden is this progressive country who embraces everyone, but is that really true? I had to lie about being in that video because of who the video was with: another man. Too often, love between two men is seen as wrong and unnatural. As something that is okay in theory, but something that should be hidden in public. Especially when one of the men in love is the crown prince. But I want to say this: I have nothing to be ashamed of. Not about that video, which was taken and released without my consent. Not for being with another man. And not for loving another man. I have been ashamed of a lot of things in my life. I have been ashamed of who I am. But not anymore. I am Crown Prince Wilhelm, and I am in love with another man. I hope you can embrace me for who I am. But if not, that is okay. Because I will still get to live as who I truly am, and for me, that is enough.”
* * *
Everything explodes after that interview. Everyone wants to speak with him and Wilhelm accepts nearly every interview he’s offered, wanting to bring all of the attention on to him and take away from any scrutiny that Simon may be getting. Wilhelm has never confirmed that Simon is the man that he is in love with, but it doesn’t stop people from figuring it out anyway. He guesses it’s written all over his face whenever the subject comes up.
Things aren’t all bad. He’s interviewed for LGBTQ magazines and he’s called “brave” and a “role model” and a “revolutionary.” He tells them all that he just wanted to be open about who he is, but if he could help even one person accept themselves, then he’s glad. Letters come to the castle from people he’s touched and Wilhelm spends many hours reading them, tears falling as he reads about how his words gave others the confidence to come out to their own loved ones.
Of course, there’s the judgmental comments and the subtle homophobic ones wondering if it’s appropriate for him to remain in line for the throne. The questions about what he will do about producing an heir. Wilhelm remains polite even in the face of those, again repeating that there is nothing lesser about the love between two men.
His mom is mad, of course. She can’t believe that Wilhelm would do something like that, that he would veer so far from the carefully lined out plan she had for him. He has to deal with her pointed words about his unfortunate choice, but that’s okay. Wilhelm expected that too. Maybe, in time, she will come to accept it. Either way, Wilhelm doesn’t regret his decision.
The summer passes in a whirlwind after that and before Wilhelm gets a chance to breathe, he’s back at school. There’s still no Simon, but there’s supportive friends and Wilhelm no longer feels as numb as he did before. He feels whole and he feels settled. Maybe things with Simon will never be resolved, but at least he is being true to who he is. At least he got to experience what things were like with his soulmate, even if their time together was all too brief. Some people never even get that.
It’s when he’s going for a walk on the outer school grounds a few weeks after the semester has begun that Wilhelm finally sees him again. Simon. It doesn’t seem real but there he is, familiar striped beanie on his head. Wilhelm stops dead in his tracks, hardly unable to believe that what he’s seeing is real.
“Simon?”
Simon shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket and shuffles his weight from side to side. “I saw your interview...or interviews, I guess I should say. I wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. And I hope you don’t feel like I pressured you into that. I never wanted you to feel like I wanted to force you to come out.”
Wilhelm is quick to shake his head in denial. “No. No, Simon. You didn’t pressure me at all. You were amazing and completely understanding. I did that for me. I was tired of hiding. Tired of being fake. I want my life to be real, you know?”
“I know. And I’m glad that it can be now.” Simon smiles at Wilhelm and it’s everything Wilhelm has wanted to see for months.
Wilhelm studies Simon’s face, his eyes hungrily taking in his features. It’s been too long since he’s seen Simon in person and pictures are nothing compared to the reality of Simon. “I’m sorry that you had to change schools.”
Simon shrugs. “It’s not too bad. I get to be back with my friends. Don’t have to pay for private lessons anymore.”
Wilhelm nods. “I get that. But I hope...I hope maybe you will consider coming back? I get why you left, but I promise you, no one even brings up that stupid video and August is gone now. You wouldn’t have to see him ever again. Plus, we all miss you here.”
“All of you?” Simon asks, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.
“Yes,” Wilhelm replies before biting his lip. “And mostly me. I miss you a lot.”
Simon looks stunned and it almost makes Wilhelm laugh for a moment. Simon can’t be surprised that Wilhelm has admitted to this, can he? Not when they’ve always been honest with each other- not when Wilhelm has always been real with him, even when he was lying to everyone else. Or did Simon think Wilhelm had moved on from him or something? How could Simon think that Wilhelm could ever move on from what they had shared together?
“Really?” Simon’s voice is quiet but hopeful.
“Yes,” Wilhelm repeats. “I’ve missed you a lot. And I want you to know: I still mean it. What I told you before Christmas. What I said in that interview. I love you. I still love you. I haven’t stopped. I will never stop. And I never want you to be my secret again. I mean, as long as you’re okay with that.”
There’s silence. Simon’s mouth has dropped open a bit in shock and Wilhelm feels his breath begin to become heavier with his anxiety but then. Then Simon is smiling and he’s laughing and he’s reaching out and he’s pulling Wilhelm into his arms. Wilhem exhales into the hug, finally feeling centered again in a way he hasn’t since the last time Simon held him like this. He buries his face into Simon’s neck and he breathes.
After a couple of minutes, Simon pulls back and he rests his forehead against Wilhelm’s, shaking his head in disbelief. “I love you too,” he says and Wilhelm’s heart feels full to burst. “I love you too.”
He leans in to press a kiss to Wilhelm’s lip. It’s a soft kiss, full of promise and hope for the future that lays ahead of them. When they pull back from the kiss, Simon reaches down and presses a kiss to the words on Wilhelm's skin and Wilhelm thinks back to the last time Simon did that, the day he told Wilhelm that he couldn't be his secret. Last time, the end. This time, the beginning.