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“Hyung, if you go to brush your teeth tonight and your toothbrush is wet, don’t question it,” Chenle warns from where he’s leaned next to the dorm door. His hands unfurl from where they were crossed over his chest like he’s afraid he’ll need them to protect himself after pissing Renjun off.
Renjun was patiently waiting for Jeno to unlock the door, head leaned against Mark’s shoulder limply. He felt like he could barely hold himself up, let alone argue with a hyperactive Chenle. After the countless hours of practicing they did today, he thinks melting into the floor might be a good option. Hello Future promotions start tomorrow, meaning every spare second is spent matching up arm angles and brutally synchronizing each 8-count.
He had been a little bit skeptical when Mark suggested that they all spend the night at the dream dorm. They had slept over plenty before on nights when they didn’t need to be up in the morning, but tomorrow was a big deal. Though it would ease transportation in the morning when they were trudging their way to Music Bank at the crack of dawn, it was already 2 am and he wasn’t too optimistic any real sleeping from the younger members (and also probably Mark) would get done.
Renjun musters up the last of his energy to pick his head up from Mark’s shoulder and give Chenle his meanest look, “Touch my toothbrush and you’re dead, Zhong Chenle.”
Chenle’s teasing hadn’t been the worst thing to happen to him all day, but he feels Donghyuck pet a hand down the back of his head, most likely because he finds his anger endearing or something and he twitches away from it. It’s too much. Too much right now.
Renjun admits he was being a little snappy. He had a bit of a temper as is, but he was tired—and stressed. Tomorrow was a big day and he didn’t exactly want to deal with Chenle forgetting his toothbrush and Mark giggling on the floor next to him while he was trying to get his beauty rest.
Jeno finally opens the door while Jaemin is patting Chenle’s head (much to the younger’s dismay) and telling him he has a spare in the bathroom.
Renjun throws his jacket onto the table near the entryway—too tired to hang it up, “You better not use mine just to spite me because I will kill you in your sleep.”
Chenle barely gives him a laugh while he roots through the bags of snacks Jeno’s holding on the way to the kitchen.
Suddenly there’s warmth all around him, pressing up against his back and squeezing around his torso until he feels too hot.
“Our Renjunnie is so cute when he’s angry.” Donghyuck coos, shrill in his ear—too loud—too much.
Renjun takes a deep breath. He really didn’t want to deal with Donghyuck tonight. As much as he loved him—being on the receiving end of his suffocating fawning was too much when he already was snapping at people and wanting to crawl out of his skin. He wants nothing more than to scream until everyone around him was no longer there. Just him and the silence.
He settles with elbowing Donghyuck in the ribs—he was squishing him and he didn’t think he could stand hearing another “Renjun is so cute” tonight.
“Get off me, leech,” Renjun says unkindly. Donghyuck does not follow instructions.
“What crawled up your ass and died?” Jeno jokes from the kitchen. Jaemin brushes past the pair, aiming for the kitchen table, placing his things down loudly on the wood.
Shotaro, who has his feet tucked up under him on the couch, looks up from his phone and snickers at Jeno’s comment. Jisung, who is collapsed sideways next to him, even manages a chuckle.
Considering the large parasite named Donghyuck plastered to his back, Renjun doesn’t exactly see what’s funny.
Donghyuck squeezes him tighter and digs his pointed chin into the meat of his neck. It makes something red and hot spit inside him so intense he has to dig his nails into his palm to stop from saying something he’ll regret.
“I’m just really fucking tired.” Renjun huffs. It’s clear he’s upset in some capacity—though not evident how wound up he really is.
Mark passes behind them to hang his jacket on the coat rack and on the way back he squeezes a hand on the back of Donghyuck’s neck, “Leave him alone, Haechan.”
“Are you gonna let me sleep with you, jagi ?” Donghyuck says hot into his ear and it boils under the attention.
It’s a joke. Renjun knows it’s a joke. It’s not really something that’s supposed to get on his nerves but it does. It really fucking does. The fact that it’s a joke makes it even worse and he can’t help the way it makes his chest tighten and his fists clench up. And you know what? Renjun has a right to be angry, and Donghyuck doesn’t have the right to make him feel bad about that.
Mark makes eye contact with him, silently telling him to stay calm. It almost makes him more upset—the idea that he has to sit there and take Donghyuck’s bullshit in the spirit of being civil during promotions.
Frankly, Renjun has had enough of Donghyuck’s shit this month.
“I’m really not in the mood, Haechan,” Renjun warns.
Renjun shakes the man off him, desperately trying to get space in between them.
Though his serious tone would stop most people in their tracks, Donghyuck just loves to push. This is just all a fucking joke to him. It always is.
“Why? You were fine an hour ago.” Donghyuck retorts, pouting shamelessly.
Very quickly, Donghyuck regains his grip on him by wrapping an arm around his shoulders to stick a nose in his cheek.
It’s all light-hearted. That teasing tone he takes up when he wants people to feel bad and cave to his every want. It makes him so fucking mad that Donghyuck thinks he can get away with whatever the hell he wants with minimal repercussions. It makes Renjun seethe with rage. Sometimes he really just doesn’t know when to stop.
“Yeah, well, I’m a professional, Haechan-ah, I’m not gonna actually get pissed at you at work in front of God and everyone,” Renjun grumbles with a roll of his eyes, already pushing at his ribs again to get the man away.
“Aw, our Renjunnie is so cute!” Donghyuck whines loudly—too close to his ear, pinching a cheek with his free hand.
God , it makes Renjun want to scream with it—makes him want to break the nearest object and instead it bursts out of him and suddenly he’s slapping Donghyuck’s hand out of his face and his hand burns and his face burns but it’s so pleasing to see something like pain finally bloom in his eyes. Something to match his own.
“Grow the fuck up, Haechan,” Renjun demands, pushing the man off him. “We’re not in front of the cameras, so you can stop acting like you’re in love with me.”
He’s close to yelling—so close to exploding.
Donghyuck stands where he’s been pushed and scoffs—miffed but not yet grasping the intensity of the fire burning under Renjun’s skin.
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t love it, Renjun. I know your heart pounds when I profess my love for you.”
Mark stiffens somewhere far away on his right. It burns inside knowing Mark knows everything.
It burns and he wants to strangle Donghyuck for being such an asshole. Day in and day out Renjun pushes him away and complains loudly and asks him to stop the fucking teasing and he has the fucking gall to tell him he loves it?
“Oh, fuck you, Donghyuck. Seriously, fuck you.”
Renjun finally looks him in the eye, his eyebrows matching the furrowing on his own forehead—like they both can’t believe this bullshit. His whole body feels like he’s walking on hot coals.
“Since when have you been such a wuss about a couple of jokes?” Donghyuck digs, he still has that incredulous tone like he can’t believe they’re arguing about this.
Renjun scoffs, how fucking oblivious do you have to be?
“Everything is a fucking joke to you, isn’t it? Can you take something seriously for once in your life?”
Renjun’s voice tips up—the volume approaching an inappropriate level.
The rustle of Chenle in the kitchen brings Renjun back to reality. Looking around, Renjun realizes he’s picking a fight with Donghyuck in front of 6 other boys right now and they don’t deserve to be bystanders when Renjun explodes.
Shotaro, bless his heart, has his eyes open the size of quarters, making eye contact with each member silently, probably asking himself if he should still be in this room.
Though Sungchan is nowhere to be seen, Renjun knows he’s likely already asleep—his sleep schedule closely resembling that of a grandpa—he never makes it past 12am if he isn’t busy.
Jisung has a sour look twisting up on his face, as equally scared as the man he’s slouched next to, and making pleading looks at Mark from across the room—like he has any power in this. Chenle and Jeno stare from the kitchen, looking concerned and trying not to make too much noise. Jaemin hasn’t moved from where he’s leaned against the kitchen table, watching cautiously.
Mark is standing awkwardly in the middle of the room like he made an attempt to diffuse the fight at some point and then decided to back off. His shoulders are stiff as he regards them carefully and sends some sympathy to Renjun. The leader doesn’t seem to know what to do—fights didn’t ever get this serious between them. They simply never had anything that serious to fight about.
Mark’s brows are drawn together like they do when he’s contemplating something really complicated in his head. He looks scared.
It breaks Renjun’s heart to think he may be stressing the guys the day before promotions start, considering how stressed they already are.
Renjun sighs at the state of the living area. The large audience and the thought of Sungchan sleeping soundly make Renjun a bit hesitant to even continue this argument.
He doesn’t want any hostility lingering during promotions tomorrow and despite the fact that Shotaro lives with them now, Renjun isn’t too keen on getting him involved in something so personal just yet.
Donghyuck huffs almost in response—lifting and dropping his hands like he’s being the mature one.
“Well, fuck me. Sorry for trying to compliment you, asshole.”
Oh, Renjun is going to fucking kill him. His hand twitches next to his thigh.
“I’m so sick and tired of your bullshit , Donghyuck!”
They rarely use each other’s real names but he uses it again because he wants to twist the knife and he wants him to understand how serious he is. Something about it feels so much more intense.
Renjun is fuming. He can feel it burning up his insides and twisting his stomach with pure hatred and he doesn’t know when he’s grabbing the collar of the boy’s shirt. It’s so vicious and it burns up his throat so hot he wants to claw Donghyuck’s eyes out for the way they’ve bulged—like he wasn’t expecting Renjun to actually be mad.
Mark intervenes immediately, unclasping Renjun’s grip on Donghyuck’s shirt.
Renjun feels strong arms wrapping around him before he gets any other bursts of violence, a strong chest belonging to Mark murmuring to him, “You need to calm down.”
It, in fact, does not make him want to calm down.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Donghyuck says, incredulous.
He has his hands out in front of him, making eye contact with Jeno—Jaemin—Chenle—asking them to take his side, playing the victim and hoping for backup.
“You never know when to stop, do you? How many times have I asked you to stop saying that shit? How many times has Mark had to tell you to stop teasing me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Donghyuck has his mouth dropped open in pure shock, like he has no clue what he’s talking about.
Renjun wants to punch him. It jerks his arm under Make’s embrace.
“How many times do I have to hear ‘ Renjunnie is so cute!’ and ‘ Renjun is mine! ’ and ‘ I’ve fallen for Renjun! ’ before I go crazy? Huh?”
Donghyuck furrows his brow further, mouth still hanging open with a stupid look of disbelief. He scoffs—a humorless laugh.
“Do you seriously want a special pass from fanservice? Why do I need to treat you any differently from the others? Does me telling you I’m in love with you and kissing you on the cheek hurt your fragile masculinity that much?”
“Donghyuck, really ?” Renjun hears Mark question behind him, the vibration from his chest shriveling up his insides.
In some ways, it’s comforting knowing Mark has his back—always seeing when Renjun can’t take it anymore—when he needs a break from the heartache. Always there to ask Donghyuck to tone it down.
At the same time, it’s a vicious reminder that everyone is watching him break down.
And he’s crying. Tears suddenly rolling hot down his cheeks. Fuck , he really doesn’t want to do this here. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation anymore.
Donghyuck scoffs, “No, Mark, what the hell is wrong with….”
Renjun jostles himself from Mark’s hold and beelines for his bedroom. He can’t do this. He can’t be here anymore.
He can’t argue with this asshole in front of the team he’s supposed to promote with tomorrow. He can’t.
And it would have been fine, they would have acted like it never happened except Donghyuck can’t learn when to give up.
Renjun slams the door to his room behind him, picking at his phone case in the middle of the room and letting the hot anger and misery wash over him as a heavy sob aches up his throat and cracks into the air. He can’t breathe in here. There’s no air to breathe but no fire to spur and his whole body tingles as another sob chokes out of him.
He barely makes it into his room before his door is wrenched open to reveal a red-cheeked and fuming Donghyuck stalking his way into Renjun’s room.
“Donghyuck, seriously, fuck off,” Renjun spits at the wall.
“ No . We’re finishing this conversation now. Before we promote Hello Future with the fans whispering about the Renhyuck summer fight. I’m not letting you fuck this comeback up for us.”
Renjun throws his phone down on his bed and turns around—entirely uncaring of whether it’s damaged in the process. He isn’t sure that actually breaking it wouldn’t be satisfying at the moment, “Oh, of course, this is my fault.”
Donghyuck looks as equally disheveled as he feels. His hair looks like he’s tugged on it since they last parted. He’s got this sour look twisting at his lips and pulling at his brow until he just looks confused, vexed, and dejected.
Renjun tries to breathe.
“Yeah, well, Renjun, so far, you haven’t told me what the fuck I’ve done wrong.”
It’s quieter than anything they’ve said in the past 10 minutes—it’s exasperated—tired.
Renjun looks up at the ceiling to try to regain his cool before he answers, his tears a reminder of how weak he is for this asshole.
“I told you, I can’t stand you flirting with me anymore.”
“Okay. If you want space, sure. But since when has a little skinship gotten you so fucking worked up?” Donghyuck huffs—exasperated as he roughs a hand through his hair.
“Donghyuck, this is different and you know it.” Renjun bites, the tears making it come out wobbly.
Donghyuck loses some of his fight at the sight of fresh tears—at the sight of Renjun breaking, “How, Renjun? How is any of this different from all the other years of skinship?”
Renjun’s heart hurts so much. He hates that he’s crying and he hates how easily he goes soft in the face of a hint of genuine concern dotting Donghyuck’s words.
“It’s never ever been like this. It’s never been this intense. It’s all the time—all the touches, all the name-calling—all the affection. You’ve never made me so—“
Renjun hiccups a breath. God, he feels like he can’t breathe.
“Ever since you walked in on me with that guy—“
“Renjun—“
“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean you can call me yours in front of millions of people. I don’t need some straight guy treating me like his boyfriend for his own entertainment.”
Renjun forces a breath—it runs cold through his overactive body—blood rushing in his ears and making his limbs ache with the pressure.
“Do you know how hard it is to hear that shit every day? Knowing it’s all fake?” Renjun cries.
He pokes a finger to the man’s chest, crowding him against the wall because everything is so loud and he feels like the room is swallowing them up.
“Goddammit, I told you so many times to stop because every time you were just feeding this monster in my heart and now it’s so big it hurts, Donghyuck. Do you understand that?”
Donghyuck breathes hard through his nose, eyes wide and searching. Silent.
“Every time you lean in for a kiss or you fawn over me, it hurts. I love you so much it hurts, Donghyuck. And I can only take so much teasing from someone that will never like me back.”
Breath rushes back into Renjun’s lungs, filled but not satisfied.
Donghyuck flits his eyes back and forth over his face, lips parted—stunned.
“You think I’m straight?”
Something lifts from Renjun’s chest, but it’s not relief—it feels more like astonishment—it feels like he’s becoming a mad man. Like this is his villain origin story.
“I don’t fucking know, we’ve never discussed it? Is that all you got from all of that?”
It’s all Renjun can bring himself to say. It has none of the heat that simmered before. Renjun feels like he’s been doused in cold water. The room falls in ashes.
“No,” Donghyuck says with a dip of his head, “that’s not all I got.”
Renjun breathes through his nose, his heart hasn’t yet slowed down to where his body has fallen, “Well?”
“ Pabo . You think I don’t like you?”
Donghyuck is looking at him so deeply. His eyes seem to rip right down to his soul. He’s very close. The room is bigger than he remembered.
His skin is cool where Renjun’s arm burns against his.
Renjun blinks.
“What?”
“ Pabo .” Donghyuck repeats.
Renjun’s tears dry as his eyes dart around the valleys of Donghyuck’s face, checking under every mole and soft piece of hair for an ounce of deception. He only finds honesty.
“You must be really stupid if you think I don’t like you.”
Renjun swallows thickly. His brain is trying to catch up after being ripped from such an intense state—the adrenaline still pumping through him won’t let him think.
“You like me?” Renjun deadpans.
Donghyuck laughs how at ridiculous all of it is. He grasps the sides of Renjun’s neck and shakes him lightly—trying to clear the fog.
“Why do you think I’ve been saying and doing all that shit to you, Renjun?”
His eyebrows are raised like he’s expecting an answer. Renjun doesn’t have one.
Renjun doesn’t know where to put his hands because he’s scrambling but they end up on his chest and he’s kissing Donghyuck.
And holy fuck, he’s kissing Donghyuck.
He reacts immediately, his hands flexing subconsciously on the sides of his neck and sighing at the feeling of Renjun’s lips on his.
Renjun finds that it hurts in a good way. It hurts so so good.
He can breathe again but at the same time, he can’t. Donghyuck is gripping his jaw and letting out punched sighs and Renjun can feel how big his chest has gotten since he started working out.
It’s so hungry like this kiss is all they’ve been starving for. Donghyuck cards a hand through his hair and Renjun whines and it all feels like this is where his whole life has been leading to.
It only makes sense that they pull away laughing. Renjun is gripping at Donghyuck’s shirt and Donghyuck is cradling his head but they laugh because it’s them.
It’s always been them.
The air to his fire.
A knock raps softly at the door.
“We’re getting complaints from the neighbors,” Jaemin calls from the other side of it, “Have you two killed each other yet?”
Renjun’s nose crinkles up as he laughs quietly. Donghyuck’s eyes twinkle as he stares in the depth of the ashes in Renjun’s eyes.
“Not yet,” Renjun answers, “I’ll spare him.”