Work Text:
nanjo.kojiro
Cinque Terre, Italy
[ photo of a coast lined with brightly painted cliffside houses ]
Liked by nanjonamiko and 137 others
nanjo.kojiro Wish you were here. 🛹
nanjonamiko you dork, we miss you!!! mom says hi!
December 30, 2016
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< Sakurayashiki Kaoru
January 10, 2018
I’m off to the airport.
Read
4:26 PM
I'm taking an evening flight, so I should be in Okinawa around early afternoon.
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4:29 PM
It would be good to see you, Kaoru.
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4:34 PM
You'll be around, won't you?
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4:35 PM
---
Kojiro arrives in the afternoon, as the airline promised. The orchids at Naha Airport are a welcome sight, the airport a bit busy with people coming and going around the island. He takes in the view, happy to be back home, even for just a short while.
The time it takes for Kojiro to find his luggage has him bouncing on the balls of his feet. He looks forward to coming home. What meager income he earned doing odd jobs back in Florence pretty much went to this two-way ticket, just so he can be back in Okinawa during the break in his training program.
Kojiro is going to do his best to make it count.
He eventually finds his bag, just a generic, mid-range brand that does the job of keeping Kojiro's stuff in one place. Thanks to that, he's able to leave the other passengers to wait out their second, third, or however many more things, while Kojiro, with his single luggage and carry-on backpack, joins the few already lining up for Customs.
Customs doesn't really take long, and only minutes later Kojiro finally comes out of the doors, greeting the warmer Okinawan sun. It's still cool out in January, but the winds are pleasant and feel good against his tanned skin.
He sees his younger sister first. Namiko, now 19, still jumps up and down as soon as she spots Kojiro walking out of arrival. She pulls the attention of the rest of her companions—Kojiro's father, who drove them coming here, and Megumi, Kojiro's older sister.
"Oniichan, welcome back!" greets Namiko when Kojiro reaches them. He and his father greet first, the older man giving Kojiro a big hug before taking his luggage and taking it to the back of his trusty Toyota van. Namiko rattles on beside Kojiro. "Mom is home cooking up all your favorites. Hinata is helping her."
"Good to see your ugly mug again," Kojiro tells her as he pinches her cheeks.
"Who are you calling ugly!"
"Welcome home, Kojiro." Megumi, Kojiro's older sister of 29, says to him in greeting.
Kojiro turns to her with a smile, a bit surprised that she is around considering that she has already moved out of their parents' place after her wedding. "Neesan, it's good to see you here. Where are the kids?"
"I left them with Hiro, of course. He ought to be able to watch over his children without me for a day. I can't miss my brother coming home, can I?” She smiles kindly at Kojiro. “We cleaned up your old room for you."
“Thanks,” Kojiro says to her, smiling back, grateful for the help.
"How was Italy?" asks his dad as he returns from stowing Kojiro’s luggage in the car. “You don’t really call us as often as you should have, you know.”
“Dad, come on, I told you I was working.”
It's nice, seeing them all again. Kojiro, the second child and the only son among four children, has always been close to his family. There were not a lot of expectations growing up, the worst that his parents ever were were times when one of them might be in danger of failing a class. For the most part, however, it was an easy life.
Even though he knows that his homecoming party is all accounted for, Kojiro can’t help but look around. His chest is tight with the hope that maybe, by some miracle, there will be a splash of pink hidden somewhere behind airport posts or vending machines, having just stepped out to buy drinks for everyone. Kojiro knows it’s unlikely, but he looks around anyway, even as his family herds him into the car, talking nonstop about how things have been, what’s going on at home.
It's a leisurely drive. Okinawa unfolds before them with its humble low-rise buildings and unassuming, laid-back vibe. Even the electric wires lining the streets bring their own charm, as does the blue sky behind it all. Kojiro tells himself that it has only been a year, but there really is nothing like coming home, even if it’s only for a short while.
He sits at the back with Namiko, who has taken it upon herself to update Kojiro on what he’s missed in the last year. “Uncle Uehara is as lively as ever, although he did give us that scare last year. The doctors told him to take it easy for a few weeks, but you know how he is. He even sent us a box of goya again just this morning--”
They pass by a familiar area as they near the family house. An uphill turn would take them to the backstreets where Sakurayashiki Calligraphy can be found, an old place that one would pass by coming from Kojiro’s house to where he attended high school. He wonders if it looks any different now.
“He’s taken over the business,” Namiko suddenly says, voice now just over Kojiro’s shoulder. Kojiro jumps and turns to find her face nearly touching his arm as she now also looks out Kojiro’s window. Her head turns and she blinks up at him and adds, unnecessarily: “Kaoru-nii, I mean.”
Surprised at being caught, all Kojiro can say about it is a weak, “Yeah…”
“Did you know?” asks Namiko.
“I saw the news,” Kojiro says distractedly, looking back out the car window. He’s not yet ready to explain why he’d have to catch news like that through sources aside from Kaoru himself. His family knows Kaoru well, after all, but Kojiro is not sure if they know that the Nanjo son’s oldest friend is no longer talking to him.
The line of familiar shops continues to pass them by.
---
sakurayashikicalligraphy
Okinawa, Japan
[ professional photo of Kaoru in a dark blue kimono, fan in hand, standing beside a slightly opened shoji screen window and the wooden sign of Sakurayashiki Calligraphy ]
Liked by nanjo.kojiro and 310 others
sakurayashikicalligraphy We are proud to feature the work of our very own Sakurayashiki Kaoru, the young heir to Sakurayashiki Calligraphy. True to our philosophy of bringing together a still mind with a passionate heart, Kaoru pays respect to the classic beauty of Japanese calligraphy while combining it with a bold, riveting style that we have not seen in many generations. We shall be showcasing Kaoru’s work this weekend at the Shuri Plaza from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.
July 31, 2017
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Truth be told, Kojiro does not really have a gameplan.
Kaoru has always been the one with the plans. Kojiro’s more used to winging things, but this time he has to admit that he’s really on his own.
As soon as he gets home, he is swept by the excitement and the energy that has always pervaded his family home. His first day has him greeting his family as well as a few of the nearby neighbors, because of course his mother saw it fit to inform everyone plus their dogs that her son has returned from Italy (“Only for a little bit, Mom, you know I have to go back eventually”).
Something has to be said though about being the only son and being in the culinary arts. With the first day’s celebration out of the way, Kojiro's older sister returns to her own house, and his parents begin asking things like, “So, what are you able to cook now?” and “It’s good that you’re here, because you know how our storage at the back could use a bit of cleaning up? It’s not like we can ask Namiko or Hinata to be carrying all those boxes around.”
Needless to say, they keep Kojiro busy. He doesn’t complain–okay, he does every once in a while, when his back hurts and his mom remembers something she forgot to buy at the market–but for the most part, these are things that are familiar to him. It is maybe also a good source of distraction, gives him a sense of accomplishment for every day that passes, given that he is failing spectacularly in other things.
Everyday, he texts Kaoru. He’s not going to lie about what his primary goal is about coming home. He left Okinawa with unfinished business, or at least things he cannot keep going on without addressing. He asks Kaoru to meet, asks him what time he’s done with work, where would be the most convenient place to see him.
And… nothing.
Kojiro is not crazy enough to go visit Kaoru at the Sakurayashiki household. Apart from Kaoru likely not appreciating something like that, in his youth, Kojiro has also been to the Sakurayashiki’s a grand total of two times. When they were kids, it was not a place Kaoru enjoyed staying in. Coming from a strict, traditional family, Kaoru struggled with the restrictions and expectations of his parents, who tended to come and go from Okinawa to the mainland and back, for business and whatever else brought them to Tokyo and Osaka. The place was therefore often left with staff that were maybe stricter with the way of things than the actual Sakurayashiki’s themselves. Kojiro never enjoyed bothering them.
He texts Kaoru several more times, to no avail. His messages are read, but it seems that Kaoru still has nothing to say to him.
---
< Sakurayashiki Kaoru
January 14, 2018
Man, I have forgotten how busy it can get at home.
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9:26 PM
Things here haven’t changed at all. I think Mom won't run out of things to make me do.
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9:28 PM
Kaoru, are you still not going to talk to me? Please let me at least apologize to you in person. I’m really very sorry.
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9:36 PM
I wish we could meet. Do you still go to S?
Read
9:38 PM
---
As it turns out, there are still a lot of people who know him at ‘S’.
“Is that… Joe! Joe is back!”
“Wait, what? Where?”
“Oh my God, that’s Joe?”
‘S’ has grown a lot in a year. The place is rowdier than he remembers, with lots of new faces. He wonders how well Kaoru had coped with it. With Adam missing in action, and then Kojiro leaving for Italy, it must have been tough. Granted, ‘S’ rules are simple, and Kaoru has always been good at monitoring its online presence so it isn’t revealed to the wrong people. A different team handles the ground, remnants of Adam’s influence before he fucked off to America or wherever it was that he went.
“Joe! Joe, welcome back!” greets someone from the group of skaters that approached him. “Are you back for good?”
“Nah, just here for a visit,” Kojiro tells him. “Still busy in the day, you know how it is.”
“You’re going to race, right?” asks another, a boy with red hair, eyes and matching grin so wide as he looks up at Joe.
“I was thinking about it.” He looks up and turns to the head of pink hair off to the side, unmoving despite the commotion around Kojiro. He gathers his courage and throws out, “That is, if Lord Cherry Blossom here would care to entertain me.”
He sees the frown that creases Kaoru’s brows above his mask, but the loud cheers that resound around the place is deafening. Kojiro holds his ground, aims for confident at least on the outside, even if he knows this challenge can go either way. Will Kaoru continue to ignore him here at 'S'?
Kaoru doesn’t speak, but he does drop his board on the ground and hops on.
The board is new, black with pink accents and one that Kojiro has not seen before. Intrigued, he follows Kaoru to the starting line, where they wait in position as someone sets up the start of the race. The signal lights flash red, yellow, and then they are off, kicking off at a speed that gets the crowd going.
The grin fast spreads on Kojiro’s face, the familiar winds of Crazy Rock quickly stirring muscle memory as they swerve through the first easy curves. God, he’s missed this. The speed, the track, neck and neck with Kaoru beside him–it’s nothing the hills in Italy could ever recreate, no matter how great the view, the company, or the smells of its cities. There are a lot of skate parks in Italy, many of them better than what they have in Okinawa, but nobody ever matches Kojiro there the way Kaoru does, and it’s not like Kojiro was ever particular of where he skated, as long as he liked the company. He is reminded of that now that they are racing again.
“Carla, measure next turn.”
It’s a surprise to hear Kaoru speak, and for a second, Kojiro thinks Kaoru might have spoken to him. Despite knowing that it’s a 1-on-1, Kojiro still ends up looking to the side to check on Kaoru.
But wait, did he say… who the hell is Carla?
He nearly jumps when a female voice suddenly replies: “Curve: 122 degrees. Distance: 260 meters.”
Is that Kaoru’s board?
He looks down at the skateboard again, and true enough, it looks like no ordinary board. It looks heavier and more solid, and from the brief flicker of lights beneath it, it looks like Kaoru has tinkered with it, more than he has done before.
The turn fast approaches, and Kojiro is so distracted by Kaoru’s board that he almost forgets it. He is further distracted the moment Kaoru passes him and makes the turn, smooth and so clean as he glides straight down at dead center of the dirt path. Crouched and with hair and hakama billowing around him, he looked so beautiful that it makes Kojiro ache.
He does, in fact, almost miss the turn, and would have crashed on his face had this been a year ago. But Kojiro also has new tricks up his sleeves, and he didn’t spend the entire time in Italy loading on carbs with nothing to show for it. He’s got more muscle now, and he jumps just in time for his feet to hit the wall. Board held steady with one hand, he uses the momentum to switch angles, his knees bent as his legs propel him to the right direction downhill.
Kaoru is ahead now, but Kojiro is quick to catch up. He thinks he sees Kaoru glance back at him. He can hear the loud cheers in the sidelines, but he yells out over them all.
“Cool board!” he tells his opponent. “Never seen it like that before. New upgrade?”
Kaoru, of course, ignores him. For once, Kojiro doesn’t mind. They are close enough that he is not worried of Kaoru’s lead, and from here, Kojiro can watch the other to his fill. Kaoru has always been a great skater, clean, precise, obsessed with committing only the right things to muscle memory. It’s no surprise that his board has features that tell Kaoru what he would have measured on his own in the past. He must have been a sight, testing out what certain angle turns would look and feel like. He used to drag Kojiro to obsessively practicing the way they skated, and seeing him skating like this, improved again from how he used to be… it’s another one in the list of things Kojiro regrets missing.
Kojiro, in turn, has never been one for such precision. He practiced as much as Kaoru, but his style is less cognitive, more ‘do it as many times as it takes for your body to get it’. No input from Kojiro’s thinking brain required, it’s all about finding that feeling. It’s why he takes care to make sure his body is in top shape, and that’s what’s fun for him, even though Kaoru used to roll his eyes at him and called his style stupid. Nonetheless, they kept on skating.
They reach the factory faster than Kojiro would have liked, but things do get more exciting there. So close to the finish line, it tends to be anyone’s game when both skaters are as close to one another as he and Kaoru are in that race.
They’re down to the last few meters from the finish line, when suddenly:
“Carla. Type: Long.”
It only takes a second for Kojiro to process what that might mean. He thinks, ‘Oh shit’ just as Kaoru’s board lengthens. Kaoru does a subtle shift, and Kojiro kicks the ground hard as a knee-jerk reaction; they’ve only got a few ways to go, but he knows his chances just dipped in that split-second command, if Kaoru’s board did change the way Kojiro thought it might have.
They are neck and neck when they cross the finish line, and Kojiro’s knees actually scream at him this time around.
“Shit,” he wheezes as they skid to a stop past the line. (Well, he skids to a stop. Kaoru does a graceful hand slide that effectively slows him down. The jerk has always looked better getting off a board.)
“Lord Cherry won!” someone yells to the sound of enthusiastic cheering. The ones Joe hears enthuse about this “founders’ match”, which is sure to be the match of the night. His races with Kaoru have always been exciting, for them and the audience alike. They tend to be evenly matched, with wildly opposing styles, and their victories often alternate. It is just their way to chase after the other, never straying far, learning together and from one another.
At least, that’s how it used to be. The last year has been the longest he’s ever had without skating with Kaoru, and it had been painfully lonely.
“Hey, that was fun,” he says, the grin stretching his face even before he remembers how things are.
Kaoru stands wordlessly. He kicks up his board, tucks it under his arm and turns, making for the exit. He goes straight out, not once glancing back at Kojiro.
---
sakurayashiki.kaoru
Okinawa, Japan
[ artistic shot of a large parchment and brush, with a limited view of Japanese characters written in elegant calligraphy ]
Liked by nanjo.kojiro and 198 others
sakurayashiki.kaoru "After the rain, the earth hardens." #commission #sakurayashikicalligraphy
September 24, 2017
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Kojiro can’t count the many times he wanted to text Kaoru 'I miss you'.
His friends back in Italy teased him every time they caught him texting Kaoru. It didn’t matter that there were no replies; at some point, it became a source of comfort for Kojiro to text Kaoru about his day, or send him photos of Florence and all the other places he’s been to. He didn’t have a lot of free time, what with the varying hours set by his program, not to mention the part-time jobs he took–because, of course, the longer it seemed that Kaoru still refused to speak to him, the more that Kojiro knew he had to get back to Japan as soon as possible.
He texted Kaoru many times. While he did pester Kaoru with the sights and scenery of Italy around him, many times, his messages went back to the same type of thing. He sent Kaoru variations of ‘Kaoru, this is stupid, just talk to me already’ or 'Kaoru, come on, I know you can read my messages, it's freakin' LINE for God's sake', the latter resulting in Kojiro's next few messages poinedly not being marked as 'Read' because Kaoru was petty like that.
And every time evening came and Kojiro knew it’s an unholy hour in Japan, even for his night owl friend, his phone dropped beside him on the bed and he’d bear it–another day of nothing.
And now, there he is, back in Okinawa, and still nothing.
God, he really misses him.
Kojiro wanders around the area, taking in all that has changed. Palm trees sway leisurely along the boulevard, lined with shops and a few new cafes Kojiro hasn’t seen before. That’s one thing, at least, that seems to change fairly fast–new shops, new cuisines, are popping up wherever they will, and the number of people Kojiro sees around them looks promising.
It’s been more than a week since he arrived, and he’ll have to leave in about two weeks. He has one more year to train in Italy, but he’s been thinking about what he wants to do after that. The program he is attending can give him enough good credentials to be hired in many places outside of Okinawa–even outside Japan. But deep down, for all that Kojiro enjoys the places he’s travelled to, his heart is always pulled back here at home.
He thinks it’ll be nice to own a small restaurant here. There are not a lot of Italian places here just yet, and he thinks he can pull it off, if he can prove himself to folks around the area. It helps a lot that his family on his mother’s side has some Italian roots, lending to some credibility as far as locals are going to be concerned. Kojiro has always enjoyed Italian food, and he can’t help but think that that is a life he’d like, cooking here, working here, where he’s always felt good and happy.
And then maybe on late nights, after closing hours, he’d keep the door open for special company. It’ll be Kojiro behind the bar counter, and Kaoru can come in after work. No matter how dark it is outside, how dim the lights after restaurant hours, he’ll light up the place pink like cherry blossoms, and he’ll bring with him the smell of green tea in his cologne, which might seem out of place in an Italian restaurant, but Kojiro can’t help but think that nothing would feel more right.
He comes back home with a few packs of chinbin and mimiga, which his mom and dad like. The house is quiet when he arrives, as it is still fairly early for everyone to be in.
The place is pleasantly airy, so Kojiro takes a pack of snacks with him and a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. He sits at the engawa facing his parents’ small back garden and sets the food beside him. The air is cool and the wind chimes tinkle pleasantly.
Kojiro checks his phone–still no messages.
"So, why are you in the doghouse?"
He jumps at the voice behind him. Namiko stands at the mouth of the hallway leading to the bedrooms, and lifts an inquiring eyebrow at him.
“You nearly gave me a heart attack, brat,” he tells her, clutching at his chest. His sister only rolls her eyes at him though and sits beside him on the engawa, and picks up a piece of chinbin.
“So?” says Namiko after taking a bite of the rolled crepe. “Kaoru mad at you or something?”
“What makes you think that?”
Namiko looks at Kojiro, unimpressed. “You think I’m stupid? Dad said we can’t afford another round-trip ticket for you, but still, here you are. Did you think I’d actually believe that you desperately missed us that much?” The girl shrugs and shoves the remaining crepe in her mouth. “Besides, I haven’t seen you guys talk online. I don’t think he even likes the photos you post.”
Kojiro winces. He can’t deny any of it, so he just sits back and sighs. “We fought before I left. Said some pretty nasty things.”
Namiko hisses behind her teeth in sympathy. “So that’s how it is. What did you say?”
Kojiro glares at her. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. What makes you think it’s my fault?”
“Well, you’re the one grovelling now, aren’t you?”
"I'm not--" Wait, is he? Shit. "Look, we both said things."
"Uh-huh."
Kojiro sighs. It happened just days before Kojiro was set to leave. Things were tense. The acceptance notice came at the height of their worries about people they knew getting hurt at Crazy Rock. Things had not eased as they chased Adam all over the city, and as it was, he and Kaoru were drifting on where they stood about their old friend. Kojiro was pissed enough to threaten reporting Adam to the authorities, but Kaoru reasoned that they could also get in trouble for that, and that they should still do what they could for Adam, as his friends.
Sure, thought Kojiro then, because that was all Kaoru wanted to be for Adam.
As it turned out, the decision was taken away from them, too, as Adam suddenly disappeared to "seek further education overseas", or whatever it was that rich people did when they were running from the law. He left with no notice, no closure, the people he called "special" and "friends" to him left on the lurch, his disappearance like an open, gaping wound.
It was the worst time for Kojiro to leave. But Kojiro had opportunities—good ones, legitimate ones he actually worked for, and ones he planned ahead of all the shit that happened at 'S'. To be fair to Kaoru, he never spoke against Kojiro's training in Italy, knowing that it was the ultimate culmination of what Kojiro had been working for in culinary school.
Nonetheless, the tension between them never fully eased. They've had too many disagreements that all became moot in the end, though the sores they caused remained. In the end, Kojiro couldn't even remember what triggered the fight.
They were skating at one of their usual spots, just the two of them. Kaoru had less filters when no one else was around—Kojiro didn't count, which, on most days, was a good thing, but that time, it did not help the situation.
"Can you just stop?"
Kaoru stopped skating then, braking with his foot as he stopped in front of Kojiro. "What's your problem?" he asked then, brows furrowed—annoyed.
"You're my problem," Kojiro told him, pushing off the rails. "You haven't shut up all day about how everything is shit. I'm so sick and tired of your mood swings, Kaoru! For once, can you not just… stop? You’re dumping them all on me like I'm some free punching bag. I’m about to leave and you’re still yapping about the same shit. I'm sick of you treating me like some sort of lapdog, I'm actually happy to be leaving."
Surprise, and maybe hurt, registered on Kaoru's face, but only for a moment, Kojiro thought he might have imagined them. The venom in Kaoru's voice, however, was unmistakable. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Having already started, Kojiro couldn't seem to stop. He was frustrated, too, had been since everything came to shit. "You always make me follow you. Sometimes you don’t even ask, you just assume I would do as you like."
“No, I don’t--”
“No?" Kojiro laughed. "How did you even get me to come here? 'Come to the overpass right now.' Sounds familiar? Not even a, 'Hey, I know you might be busy packing...'"
"What the hell is your problem? You came on your own!" Kaoru shoved Kojiro. "Fuck off, then! I never asked you to stick to me. I'm doing my best, Kojiro. I am! I know you have to go, but I'm just-- it's hard to be left behind. It's been barely a month since Adam left us, and--"
"God, Adam! Again!" Kojiro's laugh was louder, hysterical, and held no humor. "I’m so sick of it! The guy’s a menace, Kaoru! How can you still be thinking about him? When are you getting it into your thick skull? I’m sick of how our schedules changed depending on when he was available, how you only asked me to hang out when he already turned you down--"
"What the fuck? I did not!"
"Oh, fuck off, Kaoru! You’re the one pathetically mooning over some guy! It’s so obvious. He doesn't want you back, okay?”
Kojiro had never seen Kaoru look so livid. Kaoru was short-tempered, easy to irritate (and some days, Kojiro entertained himself pissing Kaoru off just to see how he would react), but this was different. Kaoru looked truly, sincerely angry. His hands were tight fists, shaking on either side of him.
“You're a fucking asshole. You don't even know what the fuck you're talking about,” he said, voice low but trembling. “Take it back right now!”
“What if I don’t? It’s true anyway!”
Kaoru shoved him again. This time, it was followed by a fist. He would have punched Kojiro then, had Kojiro not caught his hand and stopped the hit. Kaoru trembled under his hold, eyes burning with rage, but Kojiro was stronger.
It only served to fuel Kaoru's ire.
“What do you know!” he cried out. He struggled from Kojiro and succeeded in freeing himself out of the other's hold, shoving at Kojiro's shoulders again. "Just saying whatever the fuck you want, you don't even know--"
His mouth opened, closed, whatever it was he was about to say seeming to drain from him in an instant. There was nothing but the sound of distant traffic and their ragged breaths, and they stood there glaring at one another under a lone streetlight.
“Fuck you, Kojiro. Just go then! I don't need you here.”
Kaoru left then. Kojiro let him, still smarting from the fight. This was nothing like the fights he and Kaoru used to have, this feeling more honest and true to whatever resentment Kojiro had had building up in the past year of his friendship with Kaoru.
They didn't talk after that, even up until the day Kojiro had to leave. Kaoru didn't see him off, and Kojiro pretends he had not expected him to.
By the time Kojiro is done talking, Namiko has both hands over her mouth. “Wow,” she says, the word an awed whisper. “That is so... bad.”
Kojiro winces. “Yeah...”
Namiko throws her head back with a snort and a giggle. “Can you be any more jealous of this Adam guy? You’re such a loser!”
“Hey!”
Okay, so–that was not untrue. What else could it have been? Kojiro's a patient guy, and he can let people he cares about get away with a lot of things. God knows he let Kaoru get away with a ton of shit, even when he got Kojiro in trouble for them. And it wasn't like Kojiro didn't like Adam at first, in the way that one would want to befriend the cool, talented new kid that came around to play.
But Kaoru seemed to look at Adam in a way that suddenly didn't sit quite as well with Kojiro as time passed. It didn't help that he wasn't as good as Adam was, no matter how much he practiced. Back then, Kaoru was faster than Kojiro, learned tricks in less time than he did. While Kojiro could catch up to Kaoru if he tried hard enough, it was different to have to go beyond that. Kaoru could barely keep up with Adam, so where did that leave Kojiro?
“Hey.” The call to his attention comes, this time not unkindly. Namiko smiles a small smile up at her brother. “It’s not like you guys have never fought before.”
Kojiro’s eyes remain down, staring at his feet. “No, but… this is different.”
They are no longer teenagers who accidentally took juvenile teasing too far and truly annoyed the other, so they didn’t speak for days. It’s also different, being away from Kaoru for this long, leaving his space beside him, not seeing him. It gives so much room to be forgotten, replaced–the thought alone scares him.
“What makes you think he even likes this Adam guy?”
Kojiro snorts.
“No, I’m serious!” insists his sister. “Maybe you just got territorial or something.”
“Why in the world would I get territorial?”
“You said he’s cool, right?” says Namiko. “Not that I expected that to be Kaoru-nii’s type. I thought he liked losers who can’t keep their hair straight.”
Kojiro’s eyes flick up to his unruly hair. He then glares at his sister, but he can feel his cheeks heating at the suggestion. “That’s not funny,” he tells her. “I’m not Kaoru’s type. And it’s not like that.”
Namiko, though, only rolls her eyes. “Whatever. What do you know about his type? You’re an idiot.” She dodges Kojiro’s hand, fingers poised to flick her nose. “No! I’ll tell Mom!” She laughs as she shoves Kojiro’s big hands away. “But anyway! Are you going to wait him out or what?”
“What, like some stalker?”
It is Namiko who snorts again this time. “You act like that is beneath you.”
“It is beneath me. Isn’t that creepy?”
“I dunno? If my best friend waited for me because I refused to talk to her, I don’t think it’s horrible. In fact, if she didn’t, I would be even more offended.”
She might have a point, thinks Kojiro. Great, he’s now taking advice from teenagers, he thinks even as Namiko proceeds to take the last of the chinbin.
---
In the end, Kojiro does end up trying to wait Kaoru out. Sakurayashiki Calligraphy is only a few minutes’ walk away, and they made too much for dinner. It’s simple enough for Namiko to suggest, “You know, I bet Kaoru-nii would love this,” for Kojiro’s mother to brighten and say, turning to Kojiro, “That’s a wonderful idea. Why don’t you bring some over to him? And invite him here next time.” Kojiro was then shortly pushed out the door, slippers and a packed dinner in hand.
Looking now at the familiar facade of the calligraphy shop, Kojiro can’t help but smile a wistful smile.
Kaoru hasn't been sure about it, growing up. He has an older brother, many years older than they were, but that one chose to move to Tokyo and practice law, leaving Kaoru to inherit the business. It had all been decided without Kaoru's input, and they were barely out of their first year in high school at the time. No wonder Kaoru had been so rebellious then.
But truth be told, Kojiro always knew Kaoru had the knack for it. His penmanship was impeccable, certainly much better than the chicken scratch Kojiro passed off as his school notes (which occasionally earned him minus points because the teacher couldn’t read them). Kaoru had so many ideas even as early as high school, but whenever he noticed that he was getting into it, he would stubbornly stop and demand for Kojiro to go out with him to skate.
The smile widens on Kojiro's lips. They got into so much trouble together then. Sometimes they hung out with a bunch of kids from other schools, but many times it was just the two of them. They fought a lot, they always did, but it was always fun. Kaoru was so poor at taking jokes and he always reacted the best to Kojiro and gave him as good as he got. Everyday was a day to one-up the other, and it gave Kojiro a thrill that cannot be compared to any trick he ever pulled at ‘S’.
His phone registers a still relatively early ‘7:03’ when the front door of the shop opens. Kaoru does not immediately see him, but Kojiro pushes off the wall as soon as Kaoru steps out. "Kaoru."
Kaoru turns around in surprise. "You," he says, upon seeing Kojiro. "What are you doing here?"
Kojiro hesitates, not sure how to begin. He opts for holding up the packed pasta he brought over. “Here,” he says, pushing the small eco bag hanging from his hand to Kaoru. "I cooked it for my family. We thought you might like some, too."
Kaoru eyes the bag for a moment, clearly wary, but Kojiro is hoping that mentioning his family would make Kaoru think twice about refusing. "What is it?"
"Uh…" No longer used to Kaoru speaking to him, it's like Kojiro's brain takes a while to kick in. "Carbonara. Look, it’s… it’s not the best thing to take out, actually, but I made a lot tonight and thought you might like it anyway. I was able to find some pancetta at the grocery earlier and thought why not? It's not guanciale, but it'll do, and we've got great eggs at home--" Shit, he's rambling.
"Thanks," says Kaoru, eventually moving to take the offered meal. He still does not meet Kojiro's gaze, and he is also quick to turn around and walk away.
Kojiro calls after him. "I-I leave in ten days, Kaoru!"
Kaoru stops.
Even long after his walk coming here, Kojiro feels winded, staring at Kaoru's back, wanting him to turn back around. Kojiro's chest aches just looking at him. “I won’t keep you if you don’t want me to," he tells him. "I…" Kojiro falters, not really sure how to go on, but he feels as though Kaoru would only be still for a short window of time, and it drives him. "I want to apologize to you properly, at least before I go. I'm sorry if it's like I've been hounding you ever since I got here."
Kaoru must think he's crazy, and he must be so pissed. Kaoru's temper has always been rather short, although he's also always been the most patient with Kojiro. Kojiro maybe clung to that a little bit—or a lot—in the past few days, hoping that his constant messages were not just harming his chances of ever talking to his friend again.
Kaoru seems to take a breath, the tense line of his shoulders lifting. He then turns, facing Kojiro. "So?" he says, lifting his chin up and blinking long lashes up at Kojiro.
He's wearing glasses now, his face clear. This close, and even though Kojiro has seen it in pictures, he is still not used to seeing Kaoru looking different without the eyeliner and the piercings.
"What the hell are you staring at?" Kaoru asks, sharper now, when Kojiro does not immediately speak.
Kojiro blinks back at him, not meaning to stare. "Sorry. I'm just not used to you looking like this," he says.
"Yes, well…" Kaoru turns away. "I can't very well work looking like a delinquent. It got old anyway, especially without a gang to hang around with."
Kojiro swallows. He hopes it's at least a change that Kaoru wanted. He's always thought that Kaoru was brave as long as he had someone around him. It must have been tough for him, left alone in Okinawa. They had friends they regularly hung out with, but they were maybe more Kojiro’s friends and Kaoru got dragged along. It was no surprise if they drifted apart.
"Do you like it?" Kojiro asks, to which Kaoru only looks at him.
"It's how I choose to dress up now, if that's what you're asking."
"Good," he says, sighing. He tries for a smile. "’Cause it suits you, actually."
Kaoru must not have expected it, because his eyes widen slightly and a splash of pink touches his cheek. He frowns at Kojiro, though. "I don't need you to tell me that."
For a moment, they stand just like that, facing each other. But this time, Kaoru doesn't turn and leave. It takes a while for Kojiro to realize that that was it, Kaoru's permission for him to apologize. Imperious, unable to admit that he feels just as uncomfortable as Kojiro does to save his life, cute as ever—
"I'm sorry," says Kojiro, guessing that's a good place to start. "I really am. I said a lot of awful things when I left, and I didn't even talk to you before I boarded that plane." Kojiro takes a breath, thinking back to all the times he rehearsed this apology. "I… I really missed you, you know? And I just… with only so few days left before I had to go to Italy, I had wished that we could have just… enjoyed that time together, without having to think about anything else. Not other people, not 'S', just… us, like it used to be."
Kaoru folds his arms tighter around himself. His chin ducks down and he averts his eyes. Kojiro sighs. It sounds lame, he knows, but there really is no better way for him to put it.
"You said I dragged you around," Kaoru eventually says. There is some sharpness there, but he mumbles the words and they come out weak, hesitant. "It's not like I did that on purpose. I thought that was fine--"
"And it was," Kojiro tells him, and he realizes, shit, he really fucked up. "It is. We've always been like that with one another. I was just--"
Sensitive. Jealous. I didn't want to leave you.
"And I wasn't mooning over Adam." This time, Kaoru says it louder, more like his normal voice. His gaze sharpens and he glares at Kojiro. "I mentioned him once. One time, Kojiro. I mean, I don't… I don't deny that I admired him for a while, but that was at the beginning—and you thought he was pretty great, too!"
Kojiro winces, reminded of that time when they all met. "Yes, okay. You're right, I did." He did until Adam pulled Kaoru's attention, and then he did not seem so cool anymore.
"I am only going to say this once, so you better fucking listen," Kaoru tells him. "It was awful pretending that it was okay that you were leaving. You were even leaving when I was not at my best, right after we discovered all that shit that Adam did."
"Kaoru--"
Kaoru cuts him off. "No, listen. Even after all of that, I still felt bad that he left. I thought he had been our friend, but he turned out to be some douchebag looking for cheap and dangerous thrills. I just thought, if I mourned a guy like that, what more the guy who actually has been--"
He hesitates again. Kojiro waits, curious what Kaoru will say about him. But Kaoru just keeps his mouth shut and looks away again, brows furrowed so hard there is a deep wrinkle now between them.
Kojiro takes a breath. "Kaoru, it wasn't like I was leaving for good."
"We don't know that, do we?" the other returns quickly. "Culinary training in Italy? I'm not stupid, that could take you anywhere."
And suddenly, it all becomes clear to Kojiro. Kaoru's mood swings then, his temper that had been even shorter than usual—he had never been the most forthcoming, especially not with things that scared him. Kojiro had to wrestle those things out of him, with incessant teasing and an infinite well of patience, because one does not become part of Kaoru's inner circle without some scratches and bruises. Kojiro had always thought that those things were well worth it. There was a lot to love about Kaoru, and Kojiro would readily list them down (away from Kaoru's earshot) any day. Unfortunately, however, that day when they fought, Kojiro was neck-deep in his own insecurities, and he saw what he thought he saw from his not-always-so-honest best friend.
Kaoru had his own fears, too.
"Oh, Kaoru…" Kojiro says, voice so soft it might have melted with the breeze. "I swear, that wasn’t me leaving you."
Kaoru bristles at the suggestion. "Fuck you, I don’t care about that. You can fuck off wherever you want to go!"
This time, Kojiro sighs, shakes his head, but doesn't rise to the bait. "As it happens, I actually have been thinking about opening an Italian restaurant here in Okinawa," he says instead. He even grins at Kaoru, feeling comfortable to do so again for the first time since they started talking. "So, see? Not leaving. What do you think about that?"
Kaoru bits his lip. Kojiro’s eyes can’t help but be drawn to it, but fortunately, Kaoru is too distracted to notice. He seems to deflate, and he looks back at Kojiro, his shoulders coming down when he was already tensing to argue.
"I think it's stupid," is what he stubbornly ends up saying, which has Kojiro rolling his eyes at him.
"Why?"
"They'll easily hire you in Tokyo, you moron. Maybe even overseas. You can literally pick wherever you want to work--"
"Yeah?" Kojiro grins again. "Then I pick here."
"Here sucks."
Kojiro shakes his head. "Here is where the people I want to cook for are," he tells him, even glancing at the bag in Kaoru's hands. "That's how I want to do it."
Kaoru’s fingers twitch around the bag, which he pulls behind him, away from Kojiro’s stare. Kojiro always loved seeing him like this, bordering on timid when he isn’t sure what to say. "You're an idiot,” he says, predictably, because Kaoru has never been good at showing that he’s pleased at anything Kojiro does. "So, is that it? That's all you wanted to talk about?"
Kojiro looks at him, confused. "Uh… yes? Why, is there something else?"
“What about--” Here Kaoru seems to hesitate again. “What about what you said last Christmas?”
“Last Christmas?”
“I… think you were drunk," says Kaoru, slowly looking up again at Kojiro. His face morphs in to a scowl. “At least, I hope you were drunk. You sounded really fucking stupid."
Kojiro is still very confused, but this time he is also starting to feel rather nervous. “Did I say something stupid?”
That is when Kaoru pulls out his mobile phone. The screen lights illuminate his face and reflect harshly against his glasses, but it doesn’t take long for him to find whatever it was he was looking for.
On the screen is their LINE thread, still all messages from Kojiro:
< Piece of Shit Kojiro
December 25, 2017
Koaur
8:36 AM
Okaruuuuuu
8:37 AM
Kaouru i really mss yuo. I iwsh u wer here.
8:40 AM
Is rly hard to txt but is treu.Rit's not thw same wihtout yio.
8:50 AM
My frienda keep saying tjeu watn to meet myo boyfjrien alreadt lol
8:57 AM
I told them its noy lile that. I told thwm you don't mnow.
9:03 AM
I really wanna tell yiu tho
9:09 AM
I rally miss you. i wanna tell yiu I like you.
9:12 AM
I like you.
9:13 AM
Shiy i said iy
9:15 AM
Kaooru, I realky realku like you.
9:17 AM
Pls dont br aanfry anymorw
9:18 AM
I knwo i saic so many awful gings.
9:19 AM
I felg so bad that its like you liekd sone other gui
9:22 AM
I grt that Afam wad reslly cool anf all
9:23 AM
Bit yui deservr sp muvh better
9:24 AM
Buy of coutxe you can luke whoever you wan a like. I donvt own you ot anything
9:26 AM
Youvre my best ftienc and i shoukd be sypportive right?
9:28 AAM
Ecem if i donct,like it
9:30 AM
Even thougb it hurta a loy
9:31 AM
But idk may e love ia like that. I wabt you to br haooy
9:32 AM
And I want to be in your life,whatevet thay lools like. So plwase forhive me alteafy
9:35 AM
I love yuo kaoru and im reallu so so sorfy
9:37 AM
“Shit.” The word escapes Kojiro in a whisper. He grabs at Kaoru’s phone, ignores the yelled out “Hey!” from the other and scrolls through the conversation–well, more like monologue–of Kojiro practically laying his heart bare to… to...
He jumps back and checks his own phone, scrolling up to last month as though, by some miracle, it would all be just a lie. How stupid can he be? How could he have missed this?
Okay, yeah, possibly it’s that after a while, he didn't even check back on his messages anymore. Over the past year, no notification just meant no reply from Kaoru, and Kojiro might have just used their chat window as some sort of diary about his day to day. There was no reason for him to read back whatever he wrote the day before, thinking he always sent them over sober and they were all accounted for.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, he can’t–he can’t even look at Kaoru right now.
“I wasn’t sure what to do with that," he hears Kaoru say behind him. It's amazing that Kojiro’s ears are still even functioning at all, considering the blood rushing through them. "Christmas Eve must have been fun there, huh?"
"Uhm." Kojiro remembers getting drinks with his friends there. What else would a single guy do on Christmas Eve?
"But then you acted like it's nothing the next day, which just pissed me off even more,” continues Kaoru. “Especially after everything you said about me and that good-for-nothing Adam, I thought, how dare you--”
Kojiro suddenly turns, face absolutely burning. "Kaoru, I swear, I didn't even know I sent that. I am so sorry."
"Are you--" Kaoru looks away. "Are you sorry because you didn't mean what you said? I am not some girl you could grovel to and confess your feelings and things would be fine, just like that. I don't even know if that actually gets you anywhere."
Is Kaoru giving him an out? No, that cannot be it. And even though his face still feels so hot he can probably fry an egg on it, Kojiro cannot find it in himself to lie. Not with Kaoru like this, in front of him finally after a year, the very sight Kojiro would have been happy to see even through his phone screen, if only Kaoru picked up just one of his calls. "Kaoru…" he says, voice still unsteady but and honest, "if I was drunk, did you think I would have been able to lie?"
Kaoru blinks then, turns to look at Kojiro, his arms folded and drowned again by the sleeves of his kimono. “How… how long?”
“Fuck, I dunno.” Kojiro runs a shaking hand through his hair, and his voice fares only slightly better. “Middle school, maybe?”
Kaoru doesn’t speak. There is a pressure on Kojiro's chest, still unable to believe what the hell just happened. Who the fuck drunk texts their… whatever Kaoru is, and then forgets about it the next morning and goes on like nothing happened?
Idiots, that’s who.
"Kaoru, please. I'm sorry,” he says again, restless and unable to leave it. “We can… we can try to go back to the way things were. You don’t have to-- just please forget about it. It's not like I expected you to be interested. So I'd be happy if we could just be friends--”
“Do you want me to think about it?”
Kojiro stops his useless rambling, not sure whether he heard what he just heard correctly. “Huh?”
That’s when he notices the color on Kaoru’s cheeks. “The text, you dumbass,” he says harshly, though his eyes are wary as they look back at Kojiro. “That was a confession, right?”
“N--” He stops, because, “God, if it was, it was so lame.”
This, at least, gets Kaoru laughing. “Yeah, it’s really lame. Only cowards confess when drunk. You really are hopeless.”
“I didn’t confess!” Again, did he not really? “Okay, maybe it was sort of… it was sort of a confession, but I didn’t-- I wasn’t--” His face feels like it’s about to explode, and the look on Kaoru’s face only shows how much he’s enjoying this. “Kaoru!”
And then Kaoru really laughs. It’s a full-on belly laugh, too, loud and open and something Kojiro hasn’t heard in a long, long time. Something in his chest tightens at the sudden sound of it. How many times did he want to hear it, even in the muffled way voices sound in phone or video calls? How many times did he want to see Kaoru’s face, so much so that even when he knew it won’t be accepted, he would press the call button anyway and watch as the call rings and rings?
When it’s over, Kojiro still has not said anything, just standing there staring at Kaoru and thinking all the stupid things boys in middle school think about when they experience their first crush. Because that is Kaoru to him, always has been, and no matter how many years pass, how familiar they become, Kojiro finds that his best friend can still get him like this–awed, weak at the knees, and thinking, ‘God, he’s gorgeous’ and ‘I want to kiss him.’
Whatever he’s thinking must have shown on his face, because those gold eyes suddenly sharpen, and Kojiro is shocked out of his stupor with a folded fan hitting him on the crown of his head.
“Don’t get cocky,” says Kaoru, looking sternly up at Kojiro. “I said I’ll think about it, so don’t get any weird ideas.”
“I wasn’t,” Kojiro is quick to deny, still rubbing his head. His face still feels really hot, but there is matching color on Kaoru’s proud face, even though he acts like it isn’t there.
“Hmm.” Kaoru turns away, an interesting mix of suspicious, amused, and embarrassed crossing his pretty face. He subtly bites at his lip again, and Kojiro thinks he might lose his mind. “Walk me home.”
Kojiro does. Nothing happens, of course, and Kojiro just stands at the tall, wooden gates as Kaoru disappears in the main house’s massive doors.
But as Kojiro walks back to his parents’ place, his phone vibrates in his pocket. It’s a message from Kaoru, who just sent a photo of the pasta Kojiro gave him.
< Sakurayashiki Kaoru
January 23, 2018
How is it?
Read
8:06 PM
It’s okay.
8:07 PM
Stop being stingy. Just okay??
Read
8:08 PM
It’s cold.
8:08 PM
Oh my God, heat it up, Kaoru!
Read
8:10 PM
Home deliveries should come with heating instructions. This restaurant sucks.
8:11 PM
I am not running a restaurant yet!!!
Read
8:12 PM
Heat a bit of water in a pan, maybe two to three spoonfuls. When it boils, turn off the heat, stir in the pasta and mix it enough to warm it.
Read
8:16 PM
Buon appetito!
Read
8:16 PM
Okay, yes. That is better.
8:23 PM
You’re awful.
Read
8:25 PM
‘I don’t know why I like you,’ he almost types, but stops himself just in time. He thinks maybe it’s a bit too early for that.
He likes to think Kaoru would be able to tell, anyway. The next message comes:
You like it.
8:27 PM
God, this bastard is going to be so insufferable.
Kojiro grins, and pockets his phone.
---
nanjo.kojiro
Florence, Italy
[ a selfie photo of Kojiro at the airport, his hand making a peace sign ]
Liked by sakurayashiki.kaoru and 75 others
nanjo.kojiro I am back, Italia! 🇮🇹
sakurayashiki.kaoru Alert the zoo. 🦍
nanjo.kojiro Hey!!! 💢💢💢
February 3, 2018
---
nanjo.kojiro
Florence, Italy
[ selfie photo of Kojiro and Kaoru; Kojiro is wearing a big grin and has his arm around Kaoru’s shoulder, while Kaoru scowls beside him and is shoving his face away with his fan; behind them reads 'Arrivi | Arrivals' ]
Liked by nanjonamiko and 103 others
nanjo.kojiro He's heeeeerrrreee!!!!!!!! 🌸🌸🌸
bellaisabella Is that *the* Kaoru???????
lucarizzo I can't wait to finally meet him!
nanjonamiko AAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONIICHAAAN~ 💖💖💖💖💖💖
July 6, 2018