Chapter Text
After everything, the aftermath of the long fight, and the slow recovery, and the even more rocky return back into society, and the new big new house, Kaneki — starts to think. Touka’s belly is getting bigger, but the baby's due date is still way off, even though it doesn’t look like it. They’ve got time, if they go now, for at least — two months, he thinks.
Things have been going steady, currently, despite the first few hiccups that living together came with. They developed a routine, that feels like second skin, To wake up to a weight draped over him, and soft, wet casual kisses, spending too much time in the bed; along with bickering over gets the bathroom first, who is going to do what chore today, and eating at the table with another, being randomly tickled when he’s deep inside a book. And —
This is something that Kaneki had been considering for a long time, fleeting thoughts that feel much closer and possible now. He still feels unsure, though. He thinks it’s a good idea, for the both of them, imagining how their life would change drastically after the baby is born, but —
What if...something happened? What if something went wrong? He would never be able to forgive himself, if it did. It’s risky, and he agonises over it, researches excessively, watches thousands of recounts and documentaries, and reads many articles and books. Absorb them all, and the sometime that week —
Finds himself trapped against the wall by Touka, as she demands, “What’s wrong?” He’s bewildered at this sudden turn of events. “You’ve been all jittery all this week.”
It takes a while to connect his thoughts with her in this proximity, looming over him, wearing that fierce expression with sharp, burning eyes that makes him lose all his breath. “Uh —“ He manages out, evading his eyes from her. “I—I bought some tickets.“ He says.
“What.”
Kaneki cringes. That was a poor explanation. He fiddles with his hands, as he tries again, stomach twisting. “I—For travel.” And waits for her reaction, Touka is — silent.
Then, “What?” She says, sharp, and the tone of her voice makes him frown, turn back to her to see her — crying? What. Kaneki panics, “What’s wrong?” He had never seen her like this, he is thinking, as his heartbeat skyrockets, “Why — why are you — what's wrong — ”
He suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. He hadn’t seen Touka like this in a long time, and it’s scaring him. What should he do? What’s wrong? Is it the — baby — oh god — what if —
“You’re fucking leaving?!” She hisses, eyes red and teary, expression angry and he doesn’t — doesn’t understand. Then, she’s saying, “You are going to leave — again?” and Kaneki gets it.
Cold fear plummets in his stomach. “No, No, No. I didn’t mean — it’s for US. Me and you. A trip.”
Touka goes still. “Us,” She echoes.
Kaneki gives a jerk of his head as confirmation. “I thought —” He starts, then changes tracks. “We’ve never really gone...to a honeymoon.” He says, voice turning hush-quiet at the last word.
“A Honeymoon.” She repeats.
“I. It’s not somewhere far away but... I booked a place. The reviews are good, and scenery was good too, I was going to tell —“
“You should have done it earlier,” Touka cuts him, voice harsh. She heaves a long sigh, dropping her hands from the wall and stepping back. She looks exhausted, he thinks, heart aching.
“You looked anxious...and you weren’t telling me anything.” She says. “And I —“
Oh. “Sorry.” Kaneki tells her, his eyes starting to get hot. He can’t think of how it must’ve been on her. Just god — thinking about what she must’ve thought. "Sorry," He says, again. "I’ll tell do that next time,” He promises as he moves closer to her, curling an arm around her waist.
“You better.” She says back hoarsely, as she drops into his embrace.
“Okay,” Kaneki says shakily into her shoulder, the rush of adrenaline from before is still in his system, heartbeat still rabbit-fast, and the fear from before still rock-solid in the bottom of his stomach.
He exhales, pressing his other hand against her belly as he closes his eyes and sinks into the embrace and the solid weight of Touka. She’s good. She’s okay. They’re okay.
He’s still getting used to this thing. With communication, amongst other things. He’s not still good, and trying, and vows to be better. For her. For his unborn child. For them, and the future.
“I would never leave you.” He tells her, making sure he knows that. Not again. This is where he belongs.
“So?” Touka asks him later, in bed, the both of them tangled together, as she plays with the ends of his hair.
“Hmm?” Kaneki hums back in question.
“The trip.” She says. “Where is it?”
“By the seaside,” He tells her, dragging his thumb aimlessly over the back of her hand. “You mentioned that you liked the water.”
“I like to swim.” She corrects. “Is this some kind of revenge? Want me to watch the sea, all the others swim on the sidelines like some pathetic person? Knowing that I can't swim?”
“Wh -- no! I didn’t mean --” Kaneki says, before he realises that she’s just teasing him, and he groans. “Touka.”
“What?” She says in return, hearing the clear smile in her voice. It’s infectious. He can’t help the smile that bubbles from him, and the way that a rush of affection squeezes him. God, he loves her so much.
He leans across over to her and kisses her. “You can swim even when you’re pregnant.” He says, accusing.
And she gives him the most beautiful laugh. He pauses briefly, struck, as he stares at the way her face brightens and her eyes curve, his heart feeling like it’s gonna burst out of his chest. God ---
How could she be so like this?
God, Kaneki loves her so much, beyond words.
“Oh really?” She grins at him, teasing. “I didn’t know that.”
Kaneki gives her another kiss, and another, and another, careful to not put his weight on her stomach as he looms over her. Touka responds, humming, her hand that’s not tangled with his trailing along his side, but then —
She pauses, breaks away from the kiss. Bewildered, she asks, “Are you...crying?”
“No,” Kaneki denies, voice thick.
“You are.” Touka huffs, tone fond and exasperated. She rubs his tears as they come, not stopping. It’s not his fault. He’s just — overwhelmed. He loves her so much, he thinks, and the rush of affection that comes, and squeezes him is too much.
He lowers his head to her. Press their forehead together. “I love you,” He whispers.
“I know.” Touka says, soft, her hand on his back, soothing. “I love you, too, you big emotional dork.” She says back too, easily which makes him hiccup and cry harder.
I love you, he thinks, I love you so much. Thank you for coming into my life.
And as if Touka hears him, she leans him back so she can stare up at him and smile and tell again, “I love you,” And kisses him on the mouth, too.
That night, They don’t end up going to sleep.