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The Director and His Diet

Summary:

“Doyoung, what usually happens when Yuta tries to get you into a workout routine?”

“I threaten him with divorce.”

“He does.”

"I'm already on a diet, what more do you want from me?"

"30 minutes or moderate to intense exercise a day, preferably aerobics or HIIT."

"Where are those *beep* divorce papers?"

Notes:

I promised y'all I'd deliver doyu, and I am here to deliver doyu. Enjoy!! (^o^)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

[Video: A lush green lawn and cobblestone walkway leads to a large backyard patio. An elegant deck table and matching chairs rests in the center of the patio, just slightly away from a stone fire pit. A man is sitting at one of the chairs, book in hand and an elegant tea set before him. He’s wearing a light linen blouse, loose cargo pants, and reading glasses. He doesn’t seem to notice the cameraman approaching him.]

 

“Doyoung Kim, the man himself.”

 

[The man—Doyoung—blinks up from his book and smiles. He stands, extending an arm to the chair across the table from him.]

 

“Hello, VOGUE. Welcome. Please, sit.”

 

[The camera shakes slightly as it reaches level with Doyoung, who has gone back to sitting.] “Thank you for taking the time to answer these 73 questions we’ve got for you today.”

“No problem, I was looking forward to this, actually.” [He reaches over to his tea set, picking up a saucer and cup.] “Would you like some tea?”

“Oh yes, thank you.” [Doyoung nods and pours some tea into the cup before handing it over.] “It smells delicious. What type of tea is this?”

“Lemon hibiscus. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Is tea a part of your afternoon routine?”

“Always.”

“Is there a food you enjoy with tea?”

“I love peach tarts and cream cheese pastries.” [He gestures at the tea set.] “I’d have them here with me now to share with you, but my husband put me on a diet.”

“That’s alright. How do you usually spend a day off?”

“Here, at home, binge-watching crime dramas and reading.”

“What’s the last show you watched?”

“Criminal Minds.”

“What do you think makes for a good movie or show?”

[Doyoung hums around his teacup.] “The execution of the plot.”

“And Doyoung, I have to say, I’m a huge fan of ‘(Ir)regular’.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Of course, and everyone wants to know, when you first started, did you ever think you’d be two seasons into the series and already Emmy-nominated?”

[Doyoung blows out a breath and shakes his head.] “Not a chance. It’s so niche, the series, and I didn’t think it’d be received so well, especially since it is psychological horror.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“What would you say was the hardest part of creating this series?”

“Keeping things unpredictable and original.”

“Of all the characters in ‘(Ir)regular’, who do you relate to the most?”

“C.K., because he’s just so tired of the world, to the extent that he doesn’t even care if his life’s in danger, but he’s also just smart enough to keep surviving into the next day.”

“You wrote, directed, and produced ‘(Ir)regular’ yourself. How are you still functioning?”

[Doyoung lifts his teacup.] “Caffeine. And spite.”

“And one of your children is actually an actor in the series, is that true?”

“Yes, it is! My eldest son, Renjun, played Gabriel. I killed him off, though, because he had to go back to college and finish his degree.”

“What’s one horror trope that never gets old?”

“This is biased, but death games.”

“And what’s one horror trope that should never see the light of day again?”

“Senseless slashers. I’d enjoy it if there’s a legit plot behind the killings, or if the characters fight back and use their heads a little, but many of them...no.”

“What inspires your work?”

[Doyoung raises the book he was reading.] “Books, actually. Thrillers. Some movies. My kids’ creepy brain blurbs that they’ll sprout when they’re sitting half-asleep at the breakfast table.”

“Has any of your work been based on one of those brain blurbs?”

“Yes. The movie ‘GO’ was actually based on this one-liner Renjun said a couple years back.” [Doyoung straightens in his seat and leans in conspiratorially.] “He said to me, ‘Dad, it’s never the protected who are in the most danger.’” [He pauses.] “And that really got me thinking. He was onto something there.”

“Wow, that’s impressive! Do they also inspire the dialogue you write?”

“Lots of it, yes. They’ll just say the darndest things, sometimes. I had to get it down in writing.”

“What would you say is the secret to success?”

“Have a clear motive, a clear direction, and a clear head.” [He sets his book aside and picks up the tea tray.] “Come on in with me, will you?”

 

[The camera shakes a little as it follows Doyoung from the backyard and into a large, elegant house. The walls are decorated with art and photographs, and a faux fur rug rests in the middle of the living room, encircled by a large, sectional sofa bed draped with colorful, patterned blankets.] 

 

“Wow, that sofa must be comfortable.”

[Doyoung turns and smiles.] “I know , right? My family loves movie nights, and I ordered it in case anyone passes out during the film, because you can stretch out on it so much easier. You know, get a better sleep.”

“Who takes advantage of it the most?”

“My youngest son, Jisung. He’ll just come home and crash on it first thing. Like, not even a hello to me or anyone. He just puts his things down and sleeps.”

“What is your favorite movie of all time?”

“‘Ringu’. It’s the original Japanese movie that inspired ‘The Ring’. It’s so creepy, I love it.”

“If you could spend a day with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?”

“My husband.”

“And what would you do together?”

[Doyoung leads them into a large kitchen and sets the tray down on the island countertop.] “Probably take our kids out to the beach. They’ve been asking me that for weeks already. If I don’t do it soon, they’ll riot.”

“You’ve always been known to be well-dressed. What would you say is your signature look?”

“Huh. Uh, I’d say my blue blazer coat, white shirt, black jeans.”

“What are three things everyone should have in their closet?”

“A pair of comfortable shoes, fitted blue jeans, and a nice, soft cardigan.”

“Who is your favorite designer right now?”

“Ten Lee.”

“What do you consider to be the highlight of your life?”

“My family.” [He moves around the island to take a seat on one of the stools.]

“What is your favorite cuisine to cook?”

“Korean, ‘cause well—” [He gestures to himself with an eye-roll.] “Yeah. I’m not too bad with Japanese, though.”

“That’s so nice. Do you cook often?”

“Not really, no. I’m always so busy, and my husband recently took over cooking duties.”

“Because of the diet?”

[Doyoung nods sullenly.] “Because of the diet. Can you believe it? Over half of what I eat is green now, the audacity of him.”

“I believe it. But the moment you get off this diet, what’s the first thing you’d eat?”

“Hotpot. With lots of fish balls and rice cakes.”

“What is your least favorite food?”

“Ambrosia salad.” [He frowns.] “Have you ever tried that?”

“No, actually.”

“It’s absolutely disgusting.”

“Alright, noted. I’ll watch out for that. Do you prefer calling or texting?”

“Texting.”

“Routine or spontaneity?”

“Routine, a hundred percent.”

“Mountains or coast?”

“Coast, but only if it’s warm there.”

“What’s your vice?”

“Not exercising as much as I should.”

[A man suddenly pokes his head from around the corner. He’s grinning broadly and wearing a light hoodie and dark track pants.] “Babe, you need it.”

“Oh, hello, Yuta. Feel free to ask a question.”

[Yuta’s grin grows even wider as he steps out into the room.] “When are you gonna join me for our pilates session?”

[Doyoung moves to block Yuta from the camera, expression deadpan.] “Never.”

[Yuta jogs to the other end of the camera’s view.] “How about yoga?”

“Pass.”

“Aerobics?”

“No.”

“Doyoung, what usually happens when Yuta tries to get you into a workout routine?”

[Doyoung turns to shoot Yuta a glare.] “I threaten him with divorce.”

[Yuta nods chipperly.] “He does.”

"I'm already on a diet, what more do you want from me?"

"30 minutes or moderate to intense exercise a day, preferably aerobics or HIIT."

"Where are those *beep* divorce papers?"

“Uh...right. Well, I’ll leave you two to sort that out.”

 

[The camera shifts, moving from the kitchen to the living room just outside it, panning over the warm-toned furniture before stopping at a large, framed collage of classic horror films on the wall.]

 

“So Doyoung, what exactly got you into the horror genre?”

“I was just a morbid kid.” [He walks into view and gestures at the collage.] “I loved all things macabre and spooky, and it just grew on me.”

 

[The camera moves along the other photos on the wall and stops by a large collection of photos of people in costumes in what appears to be a haunted house attraction.]

 

“Is Halloween your favorite holiday?”

“Of course it is.”

“How do you usually celebrate it?”

“I throw a party. Not a big one, but with close friends and family. And all of this—” [He gestures to his house.] “—gets turned into an amusement park haunted house on steroids.”

“What’s your go-to Halloween costume?”

 

[Doyoung moves to the far end of the photo collection and points at one. A close-up reveals a picture of him in a gothic, Victorian costume, complete with a cape and a fitted waistcoat corset.]

 

“This right here.”

“A vampire?”

“A Victorian plague doctor, actually.”

“Fancy, fancy, fancy. And Doyoung, you’ve done both acting and directing in your career. Which do you prefer?”

[Doyoung hums as he walks over to the couch and sits.] “I’ve always loved acting, but I have to put directing first, since I get to call the shots.”

“What’s one thing about directing that surprised you?”

“The amount of traveling I have to do.”

“Of all the places you’ve traveled to, which is your favorite?”

“Australia.”

“What is your biggest pet peeve?”

“Getting sick.”

“What is your go-to cocktail?”

“Not a Bloody Mary. I know everyone expects me to say something like that, but no, tomato juice is disgusting. I like a classic Manhattan.”

“Okay, true or false: you acted in musicals before films.”

“True.”

“True or false: you’ve never been on a rollercoaster.”

“What? False. I love rollercoasters.”

“True or false: you perform each stunt to ensure its safety.”

“No, false. I’m quite fragile. I have people who do that for me.”

“True or false: you have competed in ballroom dancing before.”

“False. I competed in tap dancing, not ballroom.”

“And true or false: you established a set policy for everyone to wear ugly sweaters during the holiday season.”

[Doyoung grins.] “True. And we get competitive, too.”

“What are the stakes?”

“Mostly pride, but we let them have a say in the theme for the holiday party.”

“What is the strangest rule you’ve ever had to abide by?”

“In my primary school, if you were caught with food in class, you had to bring that food for everyone the next day.”

“And were you ever caught?”

“Oh, yes. Several times. But I have an acquired taste, so after bringing dried squid smothered in ghost pepper hot sauce for everyone, that rule just didn’t apply to me anymore.”

“What is your catchphrase?”

“If my husband’s calling, tell him I’m dead.”

“Does Yuta call you often on set?”

“All the time.”

“What do you do if one of your children calls you?”

“They don’t. They never call me. It’s always texting with kids these days.”

“Aside from things like your phone or wallet, what is something you never leave the house without?

“Chapstick.”

“What is your favorite word?”

“Hanker sore.”

“That’s a very interesting word. What does it mean?”

“Basically finding someone so attractive it actually pisses you off.”

“Have you ever felt that way with anyone?”

“Oh, definitely. Every day of my life, whether I like it or not.”

 

[There’s the soft chime of a doorbell, and Doyoung’s head turns to the direction of the front door.]

 

“Oh, who could that be?”

“Honestly, with my luck, just about anyone. But let’s find out, shall we?”

 

[Doyoung stands, walking out of the living room and down a wide hall leading to the front door. He opens it, revealing a young man with gentle eyes and windswept brown hair. He’s wearing a plain black jumper and white sweatpants, and a small duffel bag is slung across his torso. He notices the camera, and smiles a little shyly.]

 

“Am I interrupting?”

“No, not at all.” [Doyoung moves aside as the young man enters the house.] “Put your shoes back and go wash up.”

[The young man nods and does as he’s told, untying the laces of his baby-blue Air Jordans. There’s a barely-muffled coo from behind the camera.]

“Doyoung, who’s this?”

“This is my son Shotaro. He just came back from dance practice, and he’s got a competition coming up, isn’t that right?” [Shotaro nods and smiles as Doyoung begins fussing over him.]

“Shotaro, would you like to ask a question?”

[Shotaro turns to Doyoung as they begin walking out of the foyer.] “Have you exercised today, Dad?”

[Doyoung freezes and looks at Shotaro accusingly.] “Did Yuta pay you to say that?”

“Maybe.”

“Tell you what, whatever he paid you, I’ll double it if you turn his workout playlist into a Mozart collection.”

[Shotaro beams.] “Deal.”

“Good man. Get.” 

 

[Shotaro dashes off, and Doyoung walks back to the living room, passing it and making his way over to the kitchen.]

 

“Is this how you always settle family disputes?”

“You mean through petty sabotage? More or less.”

“What is your favorite video game?”

“Smash. My family holds tournaments every month. We invite some friends over, have a good time, get super competitive, and I usually win.” [He opens the refrigerator and brings out a bowl of cherries.] “Would you like some?”

“Yes, thank you.” [A hand stretches out and Doyoung deposits a couple cherries into the open palm.] “Okay, and as we wrap up this interview, let’s do some word associations. Stephen King.”

“Legend.”

“Kentucky.”

“Fried chicken.”

“Stilettos.”

“Potential weapons.”

“And speaking of potential weapons, Doyoung, this leads me to my last question for you today. If you were in a zombie apocalypse, how well do you think you’d be able to survive?”

[Doyoung smiles as he splits a cherry open. The juice stains his fingers bright red.] “Honestly? I’m going to die. You’ve seen my family today. Do you honestly think any of us as a unit would make it out alive? Even if we’ve got the resources and will, the way we operate, someone’s going to get thrown to the horde sooner or later.”

“You’ve got a point there.”

 

[They both start laughing.]

 

[The screen cuts to the signature white ‘VOGUE’ ending clip. The laughter persists until the video ends.]

Notes:

Tbh writing this series made me wish I paid more attention in my math classes.
Hope you enjoyed this!! Pls pls drop a kudos or comment if you did! :DD

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