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Evan couldn’t breathe. That’s how most days started, anyway. It was normal to him and those around him, and yet it still was completely embarrassing for him, which only fueled his anxiety even more. Being used to it did not help in the slightest.
However, being used to it was the reason his teacher didn’t scold him when he ran to the bathroom without asking in the middle of an exam, and the reason everyone in the bathroom cleared out as soon as he entered.
Everyone except for Connor Murphy.
Evan went to enter his favorite bathroom stall only to see Connor Murphy sitting on the floor with a blunt in hand. Evan didn’t actually know what it was, because his only exposure to drugs was his anxiety medication, but he certainly knew it was something he didn’t want to touch, and something that would certainly get him in trouble if he was so much as seen in the same room as it.
“Evan Hansen, right?” Connor drawled after letting out a puff of smoke that made Evan choke between his already choked breaths.
Evan just stared. Connor Murphy was an enigma to most of the school. He didn’t seem to care about school, but got good grades. He didn’t want to take care of himself, but his nails were always perfectly manicured with a fresh coat of black polish every Monday. He was rich and had two parents, but tried to kill himself anyway. No one understood him. Especially not Evan.
“Evan Hansen, right?” Connor asked, louder.
Evan winced. “Yes!” He squeaked, sucking in a sharp breath.
Connor rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to be such a fucking coward. What do you want?”
Evan kept his eyes shut. Maybe he could just disappear if he kept his eyes shut long enough. Maybe this was all a dream and he’d wake up in his bed able to breathe again. Maybe—
“Hansen,” Connor said. “Why are you here?”
Evan dared to peek at Connor. His eyes were drawn to the blunt in his hand. He’d surely get in trouble if he came out of the bathroom smelling like marijuana. Evan couldn’t risk a demerit. That would ruin all of the efforts for a college scholarship he had put in since he had entered middle school. He would go to detention and get banned from prom and be banned from walking at graduation and not get any scholarships! And that was if the drugs didn’t kill him first!
Connor noticed Evan’s gaze. “Want a hit?” He asked, holding up the blunt.
“N- no!” Evan stammered. “No thanks- no thank you. No please.”
Connor laughed. “Jesus Christ, It looks like you need one.”
Evan wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had never encountered drugs before- not counting his medication. He assumed every drug was as lethal as heroin.
“N- no. No one needs drugs,” Evan said, fighting his tears desperately.
“I do. And you need to calm down, at least. They’ll think I’m the one who made you fucking cry like that and my mom’ll beat my ass if I miss family dinner for detention again.”
Evan wanted to tell Connor to get out. That this was his stall and he needed it to calm down, and it was far too small to share with another person! But Evan wasn’t bold enough for that, and so he sank slowly to the floor to sit beside Connor.
“Please don’t breathe on me,” Evan blurted out.
Connor looked at him like he was crazy. Then he said, “You mean...like this?” He took another hit and held it in his mouth for a moment before blowing the smoke straight into Evan’s face.
Evan began to gag, suddenly choking on more than his tears. Connor just laughed.
Evan managed to cough out a pained, “P- please stop.”
“Why should I? You were the one who crashed my smoke session,” Connor said with far too much nonchalance for Evan’s liking.
Evan just sat and continued to hyperventilate. A few minutes passed, and then Connor decided he hated the silence hanging in the air. By this point, Evan was beginning to quiet down. He was nowhere near relaxed, but he was at least forcing himself to stop panicking so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of Connor.
“Try one,” He said, handing the blunt to Evan.
“One of what?” Evan asked. His voice cracked.
“A hit,” Connor said. “Just...suck on it like you’re drinking from a straw. Just don’t swallow.”
Evan couldn’t believe the kindest Connor had ever been to him was over some weed. He looked at him skeptically.
“This shit is expensive, Hansen. I’m trying to be nice.”
Evan didn’t like this. Not at all. But something in him compelled him and so he took the blunt from Connor. His hands trembled. He glanced up to Connor and he knew Connor was holding back some sort of snarky comment.
Evan shut his eyes and put the blunt between his lips, breathing in as Connor had instructed. The one thing Connor had not instructed him of, however, was not to swallow. Evan’s chest burned even more than it had just a few minutes before. He began to cough uncontrollably. He was going to be sick.
Connor laughed and laughed at this little show, but stopped when suddenly his lap was wet with Evan’s puke. This stall really was too small for the two of them.
Connor looked down at his lap, and up at Evan, red with fury. “Hansen,” he said warningly.
Evan could hardly move before Connor’s knuckles met his cheek. And suddenly, the whole world froze on Evan cupping his cheek, Connor cradling his fist, and both boys staring at each other wordlessly.
Evan shook away the shock first. He stood up, ran to the paper towel dispenser, and got out about thirty for Connor. He threw them all into his lap before running off out of the bathroom and down the hallway.
Maybe taking his math exam was better than hanging out with Connor Murphy.