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To the unattentive eye, the meteorite in Toph’s hand held her interest more than anything could as she sat at one of the booths in the Jasmine Dragon.
In reality, however, she was trying her hardest to keep her mind off the one damn heartbeat belonging to the person she was missing more than anything. She wanted to scold herself so badly for pining over him for so long. Too much time had passed and she had expected herself to be over her little crush on him a while ago, but she clearly wasn’t.
The sound of his laugh across the room brought unconscious smiles to her face each time she heard it and once she caught herself, she would want to make a hole in the middle of the upper ring of Ba Sing Se and bury herself in it. Maybe then she would stop her shit.
It was the first time in months that she’d been in the same room with Sokka, and aside from the half-hearted greeting they gave each other about an hour prior when they arrived, they had not spoken a word to one another.
But if that hug hadn’t been the most tension-filled hug in the history of them all…
Spirits, this was ridiculous.
“You know,” said a voice to her left, startling her out of her thoughts, “you could always just stand up and talk to him. I don’t know. Just a thought.”
Toph glared in the voice’s general direction. “I don’t recall asking you, so maybe it’s best you mind your own business.”
“Believe me, I rather do exactly that, but I can’t really mind my business when a lump of Toph is sitting at the best booth in this tea shop, looking the picture of misery and ruining the vibe.”
“Right.” She scoffed, bending the meteorite back into a bracelet and placing it on its rightful place on her arm. “My apologies, your lordship. I shall take my leave of this shop immediately if that is what you so wish.”
Zuko grabbed Toph’s wrist when she stood up to leave and pulled her into the booth with him. She made a face at him and pulled her arm out of his grasp as he said, “He’s your best friend. How hard can it be to talk to him and tell him how you feel?”
“Hm, about as hard as it was for you to finally talk to Katara and tell her how you felt… which took you… how long?”
He shifted uncomfortably on the seat, tugging slightly at the collar of his tunic, making her raise a smug eyebrow at him. “Point taken, but we’re not talking about me, okay?”
“Well, we’re not very well talking about me either, are we?”
“You’re so frustrating; I don’t know why I try.” Zuko laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. He nudged her side to indicate to her that he wanted to slide out of the booth. “I’ll leave you to your self-pitying, then. Let me out.”
At that, Toph furrowed her brows frustratedly. “Self-pity, huh? I’m just trying to save myself from imminent humiliation. It’s called being smart.”
“Who says it’ll be humiliating?”
“Who says it won’t be? I’m not in the mood for a rejection today, alright? Especially not from my best friend, and I much rather keep him as a best friend and eventually come off this—this crush I have on him than tell him how I feel and risk our friendship as a whole.”
“And how do you know he doesn’t already feel the same way? It’s not—this isn’t something you two will just figure out without talking about it. You’re both close enough to be able to—I don’t know—have these conversations, you’re mature enough to deal with the aftermath of them as well.”
Toph snorted at that. “Sokka’s maturity is pretty questionable.”
“Not when it comes to his attachments, and certainly not when it comes to you.”
Her head fell hard against the table in front of them and she groaned, not really wanting to deal with this. She would be able to get through the rest of the evening just fine without anyone telling her to talk to Sokka about her fucking feelings. She would do what she always did: repress her feelings until they were next to inexistent.
A cynical voice that sounded quite like her own in her head reminded her of how well that was currently working out for her what with her fondness for Sokka resurfacing within seconds of being in the same room with him.
She groaned again.
“Look, I just don’t want to give in to a fantasy… because that’s what this is with him: a fantasy. It’s a crush that’s gone on for too long with no foundation. He’s my best friend and that’s all that matters to me; I’ll take that over a relationship any day and I’ll get over it.”
“This isn’t something you just get over , Toph,” Zuko told her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Zuko was one of the few people she allowed to speak to her this way. His heart was always in the right place and she knew that, just like she knew that he confided in her more than he did anyone in their friend group. Sometimes, he would come to her with things before he went to Katara, which she found touching, though she would never admit that to him.
Still, she couldn’t help but think about how wrong he was for pushing back at her about this. There was nothing Toph feared more than losing her friends, and the idea of her stupid, infantile crush on her best friend being the catalyst to the end of her friendship brought her unspeakable fear.
For years, she had unknowingly been nursing a fixation that would never evolve into anything and it was chastening to her personally.
“It was a silly kid crush, Zuko,” she said. “I’m, what, nineteen, twenty? I’m probably just obsessed with the idea of him and if anything were to happen, I’ll likely be terribly underwhelmed. It happens.”
Zuko snorted. “You’re twenty-one, Toph.”
“Same difference,” she almost growled.
“It’s not—okay.” He stopped himself, shaking his head to get back to the matter at hand. “Look, a conversation with him won’t hurt. I speak from experience.”
“Oh, sure, yeah,” Toph said laughingly, “because you’re the most sage of them all, aren’t ya, Hotpants?”
He grunted. “Seriously. Why do I even try with you?”
“Because you love me and because there’s no one like me would be my first guess, but that’s your prerogative.”
Toph could sense his frustration, but he couldn’t possibly understand exactly how she felt. Sure, he had been in a similar situation with Katara a while back where he would drown his sorrows in spiked tea and aged fire whiskey whilst dragging Toph along to accompany him, but this was not like that. It was obvious to anyone within a ten-mile radius that Zuko and Katara had the hots for each other. It had been years of build-up and neither of them wanted to make the leap until they found themselves alone with nothing more to speak about.
That wouldn’t be Toph’s case—she was too worried about the state of her friendship. And she wasn’t going to risk it for anything.
She would get over it.
“Toph.”
“Sparky.”
He huffed. “What’s the worst that can happen if you tell him you’re, I don’t know, in love with him.”
“He’ll probably get all awkward and run for the hills, never to be seen again,” Toph responded finally. “And I’m not in love with Sokka, please. Sugar Queen’s rubbing off on you, huh?”
Love…
That was a bit heavy, wasn’t it? She couldn’t be in love with Sokka, could she? One of the other reasons why she didn’t want to tell him anything was because she didn’t even know if what she was feeling was something… long-term. Maybe seeing him every few months made her long for him, made her want something she knew she couldn’t have, and that was why she still felt feelings for him.
Certainly, the word love was a bit too strong for what she felt.
Right?
She did love him, of course, as much as anyone could love their best friend. She would do absolutely anything for him without question, without a shadow of a doubt. She would drop it all and be there for him when he needed her and she was sure that he would do the same for her.
But then again, Toph had never been in love before; at least she didn’t think she had been. So how in the world would she know if she was in love with Sokka?
The thought alone was enough to freak her out and make her want to run for the hills.
Abruptly, she stood up, leaving Zuko alone at the booth, and wordlessly walked out onto the tea shop’s terrace. The floor was made out of wood with an earthen foundation, but it slightly suppressed her seismic sense. Still, she figured that it would benefit her as she needed to be disconnected for a moment.
Could she be in love with her best friend? Was that why she hadn’t yet been able to kick the crush she’d had on him for way too long? It had been about nine years of this bullshit and she was absolutely convinced that she was over it. Still, every single time she encountered him—whenever he visited her or whenever she would visit him, at any gathering they all had at which they were both present—she would feel this warm giddiness rush through her body that made her want to combust.
The wind was hitting her face unforgivingly as she paced back and forth, not even noticing that she had been, when the clearing of someone’s throat startled her out of her thoughts.
“Spirits, can’t anyone get some privacy out here?” Toph bit out after muttering a string of curses. “Geez.”
Sokka stepped out onto the terrace and took a few hesitant steps toward the banister at the far end of the deck. “Sorry, sorry. You just—I wanted to make sure you were, you know, good.”
“Yup, good.” Toph nodded, trying to squeeze past him and toward the shop’s exit. “Have a good night.”
“Wh—you’re leaving? It’s so early still, and—and we haven’t really… talked.”
She would have kept walking if not for a) the sad confusion in his voice and b) the hold he had on her wrist, which was causing her to hold back a shiver.
With a sigh, she turned to him. “What are you talking about? You and I talk all the time.”
“Letters aren’t the same as actually seeing you and talking to you, Toph.”
“Yeah, well, it’s all the same to me, Snoozles.”
He studied her for a few moments, his hand still not leaving her wrist. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing wrong. What’s wrong with you?”
“I—you’re lying to me.”
Toph raised a brow, finally finding it within her to pull her arm out of his grasp. The skin where his hand had been remained tingling. “I’m not lying to you, Sokka. I’m fine. Since when can you truth seek, hm?”
“Since never, but I know you enough to know you’re lying to me, Toph… what happened?”
He sounded so hurt and the tone of his voice was coming really close to making her spill her guts, and that was the last thing she wanted. But then again, maybe she should tell him everything, just spill it, let it out, and let it go, and maybe—just maybe—she could go on with her life without feeling held back in her childhood by an unrequited crush.
Whatever happened, happened. He was her best friend, and that had to remain, even if he needed some time to sit with whatever she said.
She took a few steps away from him and leaned against the banister, facing the setting sun. “I think I’m in love with you. And I say think because I’m not entirely sure if that’s what I feel. You know me, Sokka. Love and affection? They’re not my thing—you know this because you know me better than anyone else in this world—you said so yourself.
“And I know you’re probably thinking about how awkward this’ll probably end up being now that I’ve told you this, but I promise you it won’t be. I just—I guess I needed to get it off my chest. And now that that’s out of the way, I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening today and that you never bring this up to me again.”
With that, Toph gave him one curt nod, feeling the heat on her cheeks intensify, and began to walk back into the Jasmine Dragon to take her leave of Ba Sing Se and not look back until she was invited back the following year.
But before she managed to leave the terrace, Sokka grabbed her by the wrist, pulled her flush to his chest, and pressed his lips against hers. She was stunned by the abruptness of it, but it took her less than a second to melt into the kiss.
The only kisses she could compare to this one were the drunken ones she had shared once with Zuko on her eighteenth birthday. She supposed, then, that she shouldn’t let herself drink so much to avoid issues such as that one, but alas, she never learned.
There was also her somewhat long-term relationship with Satoru. That year had been full of blissful kisses, though none like this searing one she was sharing with Sokka.
Her arms went around Sokka’s neck and his hands were tangled somewhere in her hair before they slipped down the curves of her sides to rest on her hips as he drew her impossibly closer to him. He turned them around and leaned her back against the banister, lifting her up onto it, her legs wrapping around his waist.
His face was decorated with the slightest bit of stubble, but she didn’t mind it—it felt good.
Too soon, he pulled away from her and leaned his forehead against hers. “Can I speak now?”
Her cheeks felt warm after the kiss and she cursed at herself internally for allowing herself look and feel so delicate. She raised an eyebrow so as to say ‘Speak.’
Sensing her discomfort Sokka grabbed her hands in his and said, “What makes you think that you have the right to give me such a significant revelation, and leave without letting me get a word in edgewise?”
“Well, Snoozles,” Toph started, trying to gain control of her confidence and brashness again, “It’s called not wanting to get hurt and protecting my feelings.”
“Well, now, what about my feelings?” Sokka asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Look, Sokka,” she started, slipping her hands out of his grasp, pushing him away from her and hoping off of the banister. His feelings were probably all over the place and this kiss meant nothing to him compared to what it meant to her. “I’m going to head inside again, and we can forget this happened. It was probably a spur-of-the-moment thing, and you know what? It’s fine. So I’m going to go.”
“Oh no, you don’t,” he said, grabbing her arm again and pulling her back toward him. “I still have to say my piece.”
She was growing a bit desperate to leave, not wanting him to see how much he was unraveling her right now, so she just nodded for him to continue while trying to squirm out of his grasp to no avail.
“I feel the same way about you. But I don’t think I love you…. I do love you, Toph, okay? I do. I’ve— I’ve actually been feeling this way for quite a while, but your—your friendship was just too important for me to risk. You’re too important for me to lose just because I felt a certain way and you didn’t, so I just—I didn’t do anything about it.”
Knowing well that he wasn’t lying to her, she let herself relax and allowed her hands to fall upon his arms. “You mean it.”
“I do mean it. I love you, you pain in the ass.”
Toph snorted just as his lips connected with hers in another soft, yet intense, kiss. Her hand found his neck and she brought him closer, deepening the kiss. Sokka pulled away first to take a look at her and she couldn’t help the smile that took over her face. Suddenly, just as they were about to go in for another kiss.
In the distance, Katara yelled, “Get a room, you two!”
Sokka laughed as Toph stuck out her middle finger at Katara, who laughed at the gesture. He took her hand and guided her off the deck, out of the tea shop, and into the strangely quiet streets of Ba Sing Se.
“Where are we going?” Toph asked him, a smile gracing her face.
“Somewhere we can be alone,” Sokka said, squeezing her hand, a smile on his face too. “Somewhere we can catch up on all we missed out on.”