Work Text:
Group Conversation: Lan Huan, Lan Zhan, Wei Ying
Thursday, May 6, 2021
Lan Huan: I made it through customs! I'm headed to the hotel and I'll see you in a couple days! 😸
Lan Zhan: 🥳
Wei Ying: great!! are u sure you dont wanna come straight here?
> im pretty sure i read no quarantine needed if ur vaccinated
> we dont mind right lan zhan
Lan Zhan: 👍
Lan Huan: Breakthrough cases are rare, but I really don't want to be bringing a novel variant into the country! 🙅 I'll feel much better if I isolate for a few days and then get tested before I see you.
Wei Ying: ok! youre the doctor!!
> let us know if u need ANYTHING while you're at the hotel ok
Lan Huan: 👍
Friday, May 7, 2021
Lan Zhan: Ge, I'm going grocery shopping today. Is there anything you need? I shared a grocery list with you.
Lan Huan: Where's the list?
> Oh wait, I found it
Lan Zhan: Check your email.
Lan Huan: Got it!!
Lan Zhan: 👍
Sunday, May 9, 2021
Lan Huan: Covid test negative! 😸
Wei Ying: YAAAAY 🥳💯🎊🎉🥳🥳
> zhanzhan is busy doing baby stuff but i am ON MY WAY to come get you
Lan Huan: No rush! I can take a cab or something if that's easier!
Wei Ying: NO NEED i am EN ROUTE 🏃💨
○⭘◯⭘○
Lan Zhan can't sit still. A-Yuan is down for his nap, and there is nothing else he needs to do before Wei Ying gets back with Lan Huan. Three times now he has sat down to wait calmly for his brother's arrival, and three times he has found himself up and wandering around the house aimlessly. Is this what it feels like to be Wei Ying? Lan Zhan can't say he enjoys it.
He runs through his mental checklist yet again. He had gone grocery shopping on Friday, both at Safeway and at the Chinese market. The guest room is spotlessly clean, with new sheets on the bed and clean towels laid out. The rest of the house is fairly clean—impressively clean, even, if one takes into account that Lan Zhan lives with Wei Ying and a literal baby—and he has everything laid out to start making tea as soon as his brother arrives. There is nothing left to do, but still he moves from room to room, trying to see everything as Lan Huan will see it. Lan Huan has never been in this house before. Lan Zhan hopes he will like it.
Finally, he hears the sounds of a car arriving and people getting out. Wei Ying is reassuring Lan Huan that they don’t need to be especially quiet since A-Yuan sleeps soundly. Even speaking English with Wei Ying, his brother’s voice sounds like home.
Wei Ying unlocks the door, and there’s Lan Huan, standing in the entryway of Lan Zhan’s home. For a minute, Lan Zhan just stares at him, but then he surprises himself by practically flinging himself across the room and into his brother’s arms.
Lan Huan holds him tight. “It’s so good to see you,” he says, and Lan Zhan can hear tears in his eyes.
Two years. It has been more than two years since Lan Zhan last saw his brother in person. Last year, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had planned to host Lan Zhan's family for New Year. It was supposed to be their first time hosting family since getting married—but by mid-January, Lan Qiren was concerned enough about the news out of Wuhan that he cancelled his trip and urged Lan Huan to stay in Vancouver. They had thought Uncle was being overly cautious, but, well…
Lan Zhan pulls back. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says, pretending that neither of them are crying. “Come have tea.”
They leave Lan Huan’s suitcases by the stairs and settle in the kitchen. Lan Zhan prepares the tea, and lets the conversation of the two people he loves best in the world wash over him. It feels almost surreal to have his brother in his kitchen. Lan Zhan’s life has changed so much since the last time Lan Huan saw him—he moved, became a father, quit the job that had been his lifelong dream—even though they have kept in touch digitally, he finds himself wondering what his brother will think of these changes. Does he seem different in Lan Huan’s eyes?
Wei Ying asks about Lan Huan’s hotel stay, and talks about cute things A-Yuan has done this weekend. Lan Huan asks about the COVID-19 situation in the Bay Area, and what the current restrictions are. As a doctor, he was able to get vaccinated several months ago, but California had only recently opened up vaccinations to all adults. Lan Huan had booked his flight the minute Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had scheduled their shots.
“It’s such a relief to have everyone in the family vaccinated—except A-Yuan, of course—the Wens got theirs earlier, since Wen Qing’s a med student and Granny’s old and Wen Ning’s immunocompromised, so really they were all just waiting on us. I think the rates in the community are pretty good too.”
“Vaccination is happening much slower in Canada,” Lan Huan tells them. “Supply issues. And we’re still pretty restricted—I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to isolate for fourteen days when I come back, even though I’m vaccinated.”
“Maybe they’ll change the rules while you’re here!” Wei Ying suggests.
“Maybe. Everything’s always changing these days,” Lan Huan says. “It’s worth it though. I really want to meet my nephew.”
“He’ll probably nap for at least half an hour more,” Lan Zhan says. “Do you want a tour of the house?”
Lan Zhan shows his brother around the house, both inside and outside. Inside, the house is a mix of Lan Zhan and Wei Ying’s tastes—the primary colors are largely cool and light, but there are pops of bright color and eclectic furniture in every room.
Outside, the lot is long and narrow, and has two houses on it. At the front of the lot is a small garden, composed primarily of succulents and other low-water California native plants. Behind it is the main house, where Lan Zhan, Wei Ying, and A-Yuan lived. It’s a two story craftsman style house, which had been lightly renovated just before they bought it. The house at the back of the lot is a newer construction in a more Spanish style. Between the two houses lies Wei Ying and Granny Wen's vegetable garden, and a small patch of mostly-dead grass (Wei Ying refuses to water grass on principle—"It's a useless crop, Lan Zhan! It's irresponsible to grow something that needs that much water in this part of the world!").
The rear house is divided into two snug apartments. Lan Zhan has talked to his brother often about Wen Qing and Wen Ning, who live in the two bedroom apartment, and their grandmother, who lives in the one bedroom apartment, and they have seen each other on video calls, but Lan Huan has yet to meet them in person. The last time Lan Huan visited California, the Wens had only been friends of Wei Ying's—their lives were so intertwined now that it felt impossible that there had been a time when Lan Huan had visited and there had been no reason to introduce him to the Wens.
"After A-Yuan wakes up, we can take him out here to play, and you can meet the Wens."
“I’m looking forward to it,” Lan Huan says. “It’s weird to only know someone through Zoom!”
When they go back inside, they find that A-Yuan has woken up.
“Look, A-Yuan!” Wei Ying says, “Your bobo is here to visit!”
A-Yuan looks up at Lan Huan, who gives him a big smile. A-Yuan takes a deep breath and starts to cry. He’s wailing the way he only does when he’s actually hurt or scared. Big, fat tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he’s reaching out to be picked up.
Lan Zhan freezes. This was not a possibility he had considered when imagining introducing his brother to his son.
Wei Ying scoops A-Yuan up and starts rubbing comforting circles on his back.
“Sorry,” he says to Lan Huan. “I thought he might recognize you from video calls, but I guess not.”
“It’s alright,” Lan Huan replies. “He doesn’t meet many new people, so a little fear of strangers is normal.” The sound of Lan Huan’s voice makes A-Yuan sob harder.
Wei Ying grimaces and laughs a little bit. “Yeah. I guess you probably shouldn’t hug him just yet.”
○⭘◯⭘○
Group Conversation: Wei Ying, Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng
Sunday, May 9, 2021
Jiang Yanli:How's the visit with Lan Zhan's brother going?
Wei Ying: omg
> it's so funny
> ayuan is like TERRIFIED of huan-ge
> ehich is not actually that funny in itself i guess
> but
> huan-ge is handling that by like
> hiding around corners and creeping on him
> just spying on him with a huge smile like 😊
> here look
Jiang Yanli: lol
> Well, I'm glad he's not taking it to heart! I'm sure A-Yuan will love him by the time he leaves.
Jiang Cheng: why are you sending me pictures that dont have my nephew in them
Wei Ying: lmao here u go
Jiang Cheng: thats better
Wei Ying: SORRY i forgot you're only here for pictures of a-yuan and yanli's belly
Jiang Cheng: you say that like it's a joke
> speaking of which
> hows my favorite unborn baby doing today
Jiang Yanli: Very active! Lots of healthy kicking!
Jiang Cheng: good
Wei Ying: great!
Jiang Cheng: excellent!!!
The second day of Lan Huan’s visit is sunny and warm. Lan Zhan starts Wei Ying’s coffee maker, and then he and Lan Huan load A-Yuan into the stroller and go for a late morning walk.
The neighborhood is surprisingly quiet, given how many houses are packed into every block. Most of the houses were built in the 1920s, when the neighborhood was new, but, like Lan Zhan and Wei Ying’s house, many of them have been renovated recently, with second stories, additions, and all sorts of cottages and “additional dwelling units” (as the real estate listings call them) in the back.
Lan Huan likes the Spanish-style houses with the red tile roofs best. “There’s not a lot of roofs like that in Vancouver,” he says.
Lan Zhan nods. The colors are different, but it reminds him of the tile roof on the house in the countryside where they used to spend summers with their mother when they were little.
They pass a small park. There are kids running around the playground, almost all of them wearing masks. Last summer, when A-Yuan was just a tiny bundle in the baby carrier, the playground gates had been closed with chains and padlocks. Lan Zhan used to walk past and wonder if things would ever go back to normal. He would imagine going for a walk with A-Yuan as a toddler, and having to explain why someone had built a bunch of toys and then locked them up.
“Aaaaeeeaaahuuuh,” A-Yuan says, twisting around in his stroller and starting to whine, “Aaaooumm!”
Lan Zhan stops the stroller and bends down to look at him. “He’s hungry. Can you pass me the freeze dried mango?”
Lan Huan finds the package in the stroller pocket and hands it over. Lan Zhan gives A-Yuan one piece for each hand, and they keep walking.
“We should probably head home,” Lan Zhan says. “We can go around this side of the park and loop back that way.”
“Sure,” says Lan Huan. They walk in comfortable silence for a couple blocks, punctuated by A-Yuan’s happy eating sounds and burbled requests for more mango pieces.
After a while, Lan Huan asks, "Has it been good, living with the Wens?"
"Yes," Lan Zhan replies.
He thinks about the day he had suggested the idea. Wen Qing had found out that Granny's retirement community was going into total lockdown due to an outbreak and that Wen Ning's university was sending all the undergraduates home on the same day.
For the second time in less than a year, Lan Zhan had answered the door to find Wen Qing in tears on their doorstep. Unlike the first time, Wei Ying wasn't home to handle it, but Lan Zhan was better prepared—he knew Wen Qing better, had learned that despite her tough attitude she was a crier, so he wasn't shocked to see her lose her composure. Furthermore, the first time Wen Qing had come to them with a problem she didn't know how to solve, the solution had turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to Lan Zhan, so he felt optimistic that this problem could have a good solution too.
Lan Zhan had asked Wen Qing in, and made her tea. He had texted Wei Ying both a distress call ("Wen Qing is here. She is crying.") and a link to one of the real estate listings they had visited that weekend, the one with two houses on one lot. They had loved the main house, but hadn't been sure about renting out the second house to strangers. The Wens were not strangers.
"It made sense to combine households after the pandemic started," he tells Lan Huan.
"It must be nice to have so many babysitters right in your backyard," Lan Huan says.
"Mm." Lan Zhan nods.
The Wens are more than babysitters, they're family. Not just A-Yuan's family, but his and Wei Ying's as well. For most of Lan Zhan's life, his family had been only his brother and uncle. It had never occurred to him to wish for a larger family, but now that his family has grown, he finds that he enjoys it. Setting the table with five places and A-Yuan's high chair for their family dinners always fills him with contentment. There had been a couple months between when Wen Qing’s program had resumed in-person work for the medical students and when she had been able to get vaccinated where Wen Qing had kept herself isolated from the rest of them, but other than that, they have all had dinner together at least once every week since A-Yuan was born.
The Wens have dinner with them that evening too, and Lan Zhan smiles to himself as he adds a sixth chair for Lan Huan.
"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying cries, throwing himself across the room to squeeze Lan Zhan's waist and press a quick kiss to his ear. "Why are you smiling all alone in here where no one can see? I almost missed it! What would I have done then? You know I need at least one Zhanzhan smile a day or I'll perish!"
"If you had missed it," Lan Zhan says, "I would have made a note to smile again for you later."
Wei Ying laughs. "As you should! Anyway, I was coming to tell you—your brother was making funny faces for A-Yuan, and he almost smiled at him! He hid his face in Granny's leg at the last second, but it was very nearly a smile! I really think he's warming up to him."
Lan Zhan is so pleased to think of his son and brother getting along that he smiles again, which makes Wei Ying pretend to faint and then cover his face with tiny kisses.
Wen Ning interrupts them with a polite cough. "Here's the rice," he says, "and Jiejie will be over in a minute with the fish. Do you need any help in your kitchen?"
Lan Zhan has finished his share of the cooking, and he directs Wen Ning and Wei Ying to bring the food out. He has made several of his and Lan Huan's favorite childhood dishes, even though Wei Ying always teases him about them being bland.
Granny and Lan Huan bring A-Yuan in to wash his hands. They're followed by Wen Qing, who is balancing a covered dish and a Costco-sized bottle of hot sauce.
"Here," she says, thumping the gallon jug down by Wei Ying's plate, "Drown your food in this and let Zhanzhan enjoy his childhood memories in peace."
Wei Ying laughs: the infectious, full-body laugh that made Lan Zhan fall in love with him. His eyes scrunch up, and he leans back on his heels, and Lan Zhan thinks for the thousandth time that Wei Ying is like the sun, spreading warmth and light and making everything better just by being present. When Lan Zhan thinks of love, he pictures himself as a plant—unfurling, stretching, growing…
Lan Huan catches his eye, and the look on his face is absolutely intolerable. Lan Zhan makes sure to sit as far away from his brother as possible.
At dinner, Lan Zhan and Granny Wen take turns feeding A-Yuan from their plates. Wen Qing and Lan Huan talk about doctor stuff—she asks for advice on her rotations, they compare their hospitals’ COVID-19 responses. Wei Ying updates the table on Jiang Yanli’s pregnancy.
“You’re going to have a little cousin!” Granny Wen tells A-Yuan.
“Bu-hwa,” A-Yuan says, pointing at his sippy cup with both hands. Lan Zhan grabs the cup and brings it closer so he can drink.
“You’re going to be a good older cousin, aren’t you, A-Yuan?” Wei Ying asks.
“He will,” says Granny, “and a good big brother too, someday! You can fit at least one more kid in this house.”
"Five more!" says Wei Ying.
Everyone but Lan Zhan laughs.
Group Conversation: Lan Huan, Lan Qiren, Lan Zhan
Monday, May 10, 2021
Lan Qiren: Zhanzhan, how come A-Yuan isn't wearing a hat in the picture from this morning? You should be putting a hat on him every time you go outside.
Lan Zhan: Yes, shushu.
Lan Qiren: Every time, even if it's just for a minute. Babies get sunburn more easily.
Lan Zhan: Yes, shushu.
Lan Qiren: Tell your husband.
Lan Zhan: Yes, shushu.
Group Conversation: Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Jiang Fengmian, Wei Ying, Yu Ziyuan
Monday, May 10, 2021
Yu Ziyuan: Wei Ying! Why am I seeing photos of your son without a hat on?
Wei Ying: he hates the hat!
> we try to make him wear it but he pulls it off every time!!
Yu Ziyuan: Then you just need to keep putting it back on!
> I am sending you more hats, see if he likes any of them better.
Wei Ying: ok auntie yu, we'll try, but i really don't think it's going to work
Jiang Fengmian: Attempt the impossible.
Jiang Cheng: yeah wei ying attempt the impossible
Wei Ying: okay okay okay
> thank you for the hats
> i promise you wont see any pictures of him outside without a hat on ever again
○⭘◯⭘○
On Monday, Wei Ying takes the day off work and they take A-Yuan to the Oakland Zoo. A-Yuan has warmed up to Lan Huan enough for him to sit in the back seat of the car, but he still won’t let Lan Huan hold him.
At the zoo, they put A-Yuan in the carrier on Wei Ying’s back. He likes it better than the stroller, and it will give him a better view of the animals. Lan Zhan carries the diaper backpack, which Lan Huan keeps offering to take despite his reassurances that it weighs almost nothing.
A-Yuan is happy to be outside seeing new things. He babbles away happily, and tugs Wei Ying’s hair out of its ponytail. He seems more interested in the other kids visiting the zoo than the animals, though. Every time they pass a child under age six, A-Yuan points and shouts. Soon, Wei Ying gets into baby-spotting too.
“Look, A-Yuan, another baby!”
“Bwy!”
“Ohhh, that’s such a tiny baby too, look!” Wei Ying says, turning to Lan Zhan and tugging on his sleeve. “Can’t be more than a couple weeks old. Do you remember when A-Yuan was that small?”
“Mm,” says Lan Zhan. His stomach clenches. Wei Ying loves babies so much, and he's so good with A-Yuan too—he's a natural parent.
“Eeee hungh,” A-Yuan says, pointing at a five year old.
They make their way through the zoo, making sure to keep their distance from the other young children. A-Yuan is uninpressed with the monkeys and big cats, but he pays more attention when they visit the elephants.
“Look, A-Yuan,” Lan Huan says, pointing, “The elephants are eating.”
“Ee-uh!” A-Yuan says.
“El-e-phant,” Lan Huan says slowly.
“Ee-uh-umm,” A-Yuan repeats. “Eh-um-nn.”
“Very good, A-Yuan! El-e-phant!” says Wei Ying.
They decide to take a picture of A-Yuan in front of the elephants. Lan Huan digs A-Yuan’s hat out of Lan Zhan’s backpack and they put it on him. He already has sunscreen on, of course, but if they post another picture of him without a hat they’ll never hear the end of it from their families.
“Nndun dun jushoee,” A-Yuan says, pulling the hat off and throwing it on the ground.
“Noooooo!” Wei Ying cries, “A-Yuan, please leave the hat on so we can share this one on Tinybeans!”
Lan Zhan tries to put the hat back on his head, but A-Yuan resists, reaching up and pushing it away before he can get it anywhere near his head. “A bw hweee eee wee weee eee huh wuh eeee!”
“A-Yuan,” Lan Zhan says, “be a good boy and wear your hat.” He forces the hat onto A-Yuan’s head, but A-Yuan pulls it off before he can step back to grab his phone.
In the end, Lan Zhan has to stand ready with his camera out, taking a series of photos while Lan Huan leans in, jams the hat on A-Yuan’s head, and straightens up with a smile. They get exactly one picture of A-Yuan wearing a hat. A-Yuan is frowning, Wei Ying is laughing, Lan Huan is leaning at an awkward angle with a frozen smile, and an elephant is defecating in the background.
“It was worth it,” Wei Ying says.
Messages: Lan Zhan & Wei Ying
Tuesday, May 11, 2021
Lan Zhan: 👶💤?
Wei Ying: not yet
> hes ckose though
> ok now hes asleep
> we'll have to b quick, its almost your bedtime
Lan Zhan: 👍
○⭘◯⭘○
"So what did you and Huan-ge do today?" Wei Ying asks. They're tangled up in bed together, with the lights off, Wei Ying's face pressed into the spot where Lan Zhan's neck and shoulder meet.
"Not much," Lan Zhan says. "We talked. Did laundry. Video called Uncle."
"Any sign of travel between the US and China opening up soon?"
"No." Lan Zhan lets his hand wander from Wei Ying's tangled hair down to the small of his back, and traces his spine back up. "Still just essential travel. Diplomats and doctors."
"I'm sorry, Zhanzhan," Wei Ying says softly. "I know you miss him. As soon as it's safe, we'll all take a big, long trip to Suzhou, okay? Show A-Yuan where you grew up, take him to your mother's grave."
"Mm."
There's a small sound from down the hall. They both hold still, waiting—and there it is again, louder, turning into a wailing cry.
"Well, he didn't stay asleep for long," Wei Ying sighs. "I think he's got another tooth coming in."
"Mm. Tylenol."
"Yeah. I'll go handle it, you stay here and get your beauty sleep." Wei Ying hauls himself out of bed, giving Lan Zhan a quick kiss as he goes.
Lan Zhan scoots over to his side of the bed and pulls the blankets up. “Love you, Wei Ying,” he murmurs.
“Love you too, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says from the door. “See you tomorrow, ok?”
Group Conversation: Wei Ying, Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng
Wednesday, May 12, 2021
Jiang Cheng: a-jie remember to tell us when youre doing your ultrasound
Jiang Yanli: I’m doing it right now!
Wei Ying: omg 👀
> whats it like what’s going on what can you see
> is everything fine
Jiang Cheng: ……?
Jiang Yanli: ah I’m sorry! Zixuan wasn’t allowed to come so I have to text him too!
> The technician is looking at the baby’s brain right now I think?
> The baby is moving a lot! It’s grown so much since the last scan!
Wei Ying: do they let you watch everything?
Jiang Yanli: Yeah, there’s a tv set up on the opposite wall so I can see from the exam table
> She’s not allowed to tell me if anything looks wrong though, she’s taking pictures to send to a doctor and then the doctor will come tell me if everything's okay.
> Now she’s looking at the stomach and the bladder and stuff, and measuring them
Jiang Cheng: im glad to hear the baby has a brain and a stomach and a bladder
Jiang Yanli: It’s a boy
> Or at least, there’s a penis, I guess we won’t actually know for sure it’s a boy until they’re older
Wei Ying: a probably-nephew!
> 🎊🎉🥳
Jiang Cheng: nice
> did you ask the ultrasound person to tell you
Jiang Yanli: I said I didn’t mind knowing, but honestly it’s good that I didn’t want it to be a surprise because you did not need to be a medical professional to tell what we were looking at
Jiang Cheng: lol
Wei Ying: lol
> our probably-newphew’s a showoff just like his dad
○⭘◯⭘○
Wednesday is A-Yuan's birthday.
"Can you believe it, Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying asks. "Can you believe he's a year old already? Our little baby is all grown up!"
"Mm," says Lan Zhan.
They have this conversation every ten minutes all day.
It really is hard to believe that it's A-Yuan's first birthday, though. It seems impossible that A-Yuan is that old; it seems equally impossible that there was a time before A-Yuan was in their lives. When Lan Zhan thinks back to a year ago, his memory is fuzzy with sleeplessness and it feels like he's trying to recall another life.
For A-Yuan's birthday, Lan Qiren sends them a ten minute video montage of his favorite pictures of A-Yuan mixed with pictures of his garden, set to a recording of him playing the guqin.
"It's very sweet," Wei Ying says, trying not to laugh, "but I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with it. Save it to share with his future prom date?"
"Shushu's orchids are growing well this year," Lan Huan observes.
"Mmmmm," A-Yuan says, pointing at the screen. "Aumm a-ba-ba! Hmm da ba bwa bua-hmmngh. Aaaa hwee badee da-da!"
"Yes," Lan Zhan says, "Baba and Dada are watching a video of baby A-Yuan."
Wen Ning and Wen Qing give A-Yuan a machine that blows bubbles, and he spends a happy half hour chasing them around the yard in the late afternoon.
Before they go in for dinner, Wen Ning brings out his fancy camera and has Wei Ying, Lan Zhan, and A-Yuan take a family photo.
All in all, it's a pretty good day.
Messages: Lan Zhan & Wen Ning
Thursday, May 13, 2021
Wen Ning: Hey Lan Zhan, here’s the picture I took of you guys yesterday!
Lan Zhan: 📷💯
> Thank you. You are a talented photographer.
Wen Ning: No problem!
> hey are you gonna drive granny to her doctor’s appointment today? Do you need me to watch A-Yuan?
> I have class but I can probably skip it and watch the recording later
Lan Zhan: You should attend your class. I’ll ask my brother.
Wen Ning: ok! my morning class is starting but just lmk if plans change
○⭘◯⭘○
“Your rheumatologist appointment is this afternoon, right?” Lan Zhan asks Granny Wen.
Granny and Wen Qing have come over for breakfast before Wen Qing heads in to work. Wei Ying is still asleep, and Wen Ning is attending his 8:30 am Zoom lecture. Lan Huan is trying to convince A-Yuan to eat fruit instead of just Cheerios, which means Lan Zhan can relax and enjoy his tea.
“Yes,” Granny replies. “At 2:45.”
"Ah-doie-doie gur da dee," says A-Yuan, "Ba-BAH!"
"Mm," Lan Zhan says to A-Yuan, "Baba is happy that A-Yuan is eating kiwi for Bobo."
He turns back to Granny and asks, “Should we leave at 2 then? Or perhaps we should check the traffic at noon and then decide.” Granny sees a specialist at UCSF, and the traffic into the city is unpredictable.
"No, no," Granny Wen says, "You don't need to drive me this time. I will take the train, you stay and visit with your brother."
Lan Zhan meets Wen Qing's eyes over Granny's head, and he can tell they're both thinking the same thing. It's been several weeks since he saw a headline about an elderly Asian person being harassed or attacked on public transit, but he still doesn't like the idea of Granny going into the city alone.
"WAH!" A-Yuan yells, sweeping everything off his tray and onto the floor.
"That's very loud, A-Yuan," Lan Huan replies conversationally. "Do you think you could use an indoor voice instead?"
"Uh," A-Yuan says, and points at the Cheerios box. "Uwwah!"
Lan Huan shakes a few more Cheerios onto the tray, to A-Yuan's immense satisfaction. He shoves a handful in his mouth, kicking his feet happily as he eats. Lan Zhan wonders what it is about these Cheerios that makes them better than the ones on the floor.
"Granny," Lan Huan says, "please don't take the train on my account. The trip will take you all afternoon if you take the train both ways. I would feel terrible to think of you wasting your time like that. Besides, if you let Lan Zhan drive you, then I'll have some time alone with A-Yuan."
"I really don't mind taking the train," Granny says. "You boys should have time together."
"I insist," Lan Huan says, giving her the smile that usually means he gets his way. "I came here to see my nephew, and I would really enjoy the chance to properly babysit for him."
"Please, Granny," Wen Qing says. "I'll worry about you if you take the train. Not everybody is vaccinated."
"Aaaaaaaah!" says A-Yuan, presumably because there are four adults in the room and none of them are looking at him.
"Yes, yes, we all know you're still here," Granny says. "Well, Lan Zhan, if you're sure you don't mind driving…?"
"Mn," says Lan Zhan, "I am happy to drive."
Usually, Lan Zhan really is happy to drive Granny Wen to her doctor’s appointments. He likes making things easier for her, and feeling like he’s paying her back a little for all the free babysitting.
Today, though, he’s anxious the whole time. He keeps checking his phone—yes, he turned it off silent mode; no, Lan Huan hasn’t texted.
It’s probably fine, right? He’s sure it’s fine. A-Yuan hasn’t spent time alone with Lan Huan yet, but Lan Zhan has left him with Wei Ying or one of the Wens plenty of times, and he’s been warming up to his uncle. If anything goes wrong, Wen Ning is home. Besides, Lan Huan is literally a pediatrician at a large teaching hospital; he’s the person Lan Zhan would call if there was any sort of emergency.
Lan Zhan checks his phone again. Still no messages.
Finally, Granny’s appointment is over and they drive back home. As Lan Zhan opens the front door, he can hear Lan Huan talking to A-Yuan in the living room. “Did you hear that, A-Yuan? Baba and Granny are home!”
“Baaah!” A-Yuan calls, toddling around the corner as fast as his little legs will carry him. He loses his balance and falls to his knees twice, but it doesn’t dampen the huge grin on his face.
Lan Zhan scoops A-Yuan up and holds him tight. A-Yuan clings to him like a koala and buries his face in Lan Zhan’s neck.
“Bvvwah!” A-Yuan says. “Dvv dvv hmm-dee.”
“Mm,” Lan Zhan replies.
Lan Huan has joined them by the door, and Lan Zhan gives him a questioning look.
“We had a good time!” Lan Huan says. “He ate some rice and sweet potato, and then we read some books and played with the shape sorter. We’re great friends now!”
As if in agreement, A-Yuan leans over and reaches out for Lan Huan. “Bww bww doie doie dubhww!”
“Doy doy doy?” Lan Huan asks as he takes A-Yuan from Lan Zhan’s arms.
“Meem, doil doie doum.” A-Yuan says.
The sight of his brother and his son smiling at each other fills Lan Zhan with warmth. “Let me take a picture,” he says, pulling out his phone, “For Uncle.”
Lan Huan points at the phone and tells A-Yuan to look at Baba. A-Yuan looks very briefly and then goes back to playing with the buttons on Lan Huan’s shirt while talking to himself. “Da-bah! Ba-bah! Da-ba ba!”
“He has so much to say these days,” Granny says, “Don’t you, A-Yuan? You’ll be chatting up a storm in no time.”
A-Yuan reaches out for her and Lan Huan passes him over.
“Come on, A-Yuan,” he says, “Let’s go show Baba and Granny how you can do the shapes all by yourself.”
Messages: Lan Zhan & Wei Ying
Friday, May 14, 2021
Wei Ying: lan zhannnnnn hows my baby
> whats he doing
> i miss him
Lan Zhan: We went to the park.
Wei Ying: aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
> oh my goddddddd
> how is he SO CUTE
> how did we get the cutest baby in the whole world
> i love him so much
Lan Zhan: 💗💗💗
Wei Ying: can you believe ayiuan's gonna be a big cousin?
> like yanli's baby is going to look up to him and think hes so big and cool
> i xant wait to see our baby holding a baby
> it will be so cute i think i might actually die
> ahhhh now im thinking about when ayuan was tiny
> he'll never be that small again 😭😭😭😭😭
Lan Zhan: 👶💗😭
○⭘◯⭘○
Lan Zhan forgot to bring a pacifier to the park, which means A-Yuan keeps putting rocks in his mouth.
"I see what you mean," Lan Huan says, "It's really quite difficult to keep him from trying to eat rocks, isn't it?"
Lan Zhan nods. A-Yuan loves to get out of the stroller and explore the park, but without the pacifier, every new discovery goes straight into his mouth.
"Ainuh!" A-Yuan says, pointing at a tree.
"That's a tree," Lan Zhan says. "Would you like to go touch it?"
He takes A-Yuan's hand and helps him walk over to touch the tree bark. A-Yuan is starting to walk on his own, but when he's trying to get somewhere fast, he appreciates a helping hand.
A-Yuan feels around on the surface of the tree for a while, exploring the bumps and grooves with both hands. Then he finds a loose bit of bark, pulls it off and jams it in his mouth.
Lan Zhan grabs A-Yuan's wrist with one hand, and sticks the fingers of his other hand in A-Yuan's mouth, feeling around for any hidden bark pieces. "No, A-Yuan," he says, trying to make his face look angry, "That is not food."
"Nnnn no-no! No no nononone!" A-Yuan shouts, laughing. "Bu!"
He tries to stick a different piece of bark in his mouth, but Lan Zhan intercepts it. He hauls A-Yuan up and carries him back to Lan Huan and the stroller. He puts A-Yuan down facing another direction, towards the butterfly garden.
A-Yuan takes off towards the butterfly garden, the two adults trailing behind him. Every couple steps he falls down and crawls for a bit before getting back up and walking again.
“He certainly keeps you busy,” Lan Huan says. “I’m impressed you find time for anything else.”
“Granny Wen helps a lot,” Lan Zhan says. “She takes him for a couple hours almost every day.”
“Still,” Lan Huan says. “It’s a lot of work. Are you holding up okay? You seem like something’s bothering you.”
“I’m fine,” Lan Zhan replies.
Up ahead, A-Yuan starts shouting. “AAA-WAH! Bbbbb-wa! Aooou!”
“What’s going on, baobao?” Lan Zhan asks. “Are you just shouting for fun?”
A-Yuan turns around and gives them a wide smile. “Waaaa, waaauuwah! Shum hwee, unnguh hwu hoo!” Satisfied with this pronouncement, he sits down and begins to rip up the grass.
Lan Zhan and Lan Huan settle nearby. Lan Huan is giving Lan Zhan his concerned look. Lan Zhan looks away.
“I’m fine,” he says again.
“Mm,” Lan Huan says. Lan Zhan knows that he means, ‘That would be a lot more believable if you didn’t have to say it twice.’
Lan Zhan takes a couple more pictures of A-Yuan. He isn’t wearing a hat today, so he’ll have to mark the pictures as private to make sure Wei Ying’s Auntie Yu doesn’t see them.
Lan Huan is still sitting there quietly, radiating an aura of understanding. Lan Zhan pulls a dead leaf out of A-Yuan’s mouth. Lan Huan looks at him with sad, gentle eyes. Fine.
“I think Wei Ying wants another child,” Lan Zhan says, keeping his eyes fixed on A-Yuan, who’s on the move again.
“Ah,” Lan Huan says. He doesn’t sound surprised—he’s probably noticed how excited Wei Ying is about Jiang Yanli’s pregnancy, how much attention he paid to the other babies at the zoo. “And you’re not ready yet?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” Lan Zhan replies. “One might be enough for me.”
“I see. And have you—”
“WAAAAAAH! AUUAHHHH!” A-Yuan has tripped over his own feet and scraped his knee on the paved path.
Lan Zhan scoops him up, rocking and shushing him automatically. A-Yuan clings to his neck and sobs pitifully.
“Ge, can you…?” Lan Zhan starts to ask, but Lan Huan has already found the mini first aid kit in the diaper bag. Lan Zhan settles down on a nearby bench with A-Yuan on his lap, still crying. “Let Bobo take a look, Yuan-er,” he says, trying to peel A-Yuan off him enough for Lan Huan to see his knee.
“It’s bleeding a little, but it’s not deep,” Lan Huan says. He cleans the scrape with a wipe, applies antibiotic ointment, and covers it with a bandage.
They walk home with A-Yuan clinging to Lan Zhan’s neck, soothed enough to stop crying but not enough to let go. Lan Huan pushes the empty stroller next to them.
“You should talk to Wei Ying,” Lan Huan says. “Don’t let this weigh on you. It’s the sort of thing you need to share.”
“I know,” says Lan Zhan.
Group Conversation: Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Jin Zixuan, Lan Zhan, Luo Qingyang, Nie Huaisang, Wei Ying
Saturday, May 15, 2021
Wei Ying: yooooooooo who wants to zoom into a-yuan’s birthday party
> im just gonna set it up on a laptop in the living room and you can like, talk to each other and watch the chaos
> only a small amount of chaos it’s just us and the wens and lan zhan’s brother
Nie Huaisang: oh i wanna say hi to huan-ge!
Wei Ying: check ur emails for the zoom link
Luo Qingyang: is there going to be a specific time for cake and presents or anything?
Wei Ying: nah we’re playing it by ear
Lan Zhan: I was outvoted.
Jiang Cheng: did you get the present i sent
Wei Ying: yes!! he LOVES the magnetic blocks
> i gave them to him this morning and he had a great time carrying one around and finding what it sticks to
> wait get on teh zoom let me show you
Luo Qingyang: omg so cute
> thanks for letting us virtually attend the party! i had fun watching a yuan and his blocks
Jiang Cheng: yeah the zoom thing worked much better than i was expecting tbh
Nie Huaisang: same! cant wait to meet him in person
Jin Zixuan: Happy birthday, A-Yuan
Jiang Yanli: Ahhh I’m sorry we missed the zoom! Today just got away from us.
> We’re free now if you wanna do a really really quick call?
Lan Zhan: 👍
Messages: Jiang Yanli & Lan Zhan
Sunday, May 16, 2021
Jiang Yanli: Lan Zhan, how did you choose a stroller and car seat for A-Yuan?
> There's too many options and I don't know what features are important!
> Do I need to get ones that go together?
Lan Zhan: I have a list of all our baby gear in Google Drive that I will share with you.
> We decided not to use a car seat adaptor.
> I'm sure you've read that newborns are supposed to sleep flat on their backs, right?
Jiang Yanli: Yeah, I've seen that graph where the SIDS rate just drops off
Lan Zhan: Exactly.
> As you will have noticed, car seats do not allow babies to be flat on their back.
> Actually, there are some in Europe that go sideways across two seats to allow it, but none have been approved for use in the US yet, as far as I know.
> It is best not to allow newborns to sleep for a long time in their carseats, but we did not want a stroller that was not safe for him to sleep in
Jiang Yanli: That's cool about the sideways car seats
> So then you think I can ignore the car seat stroller adaptor thing when I'm looking at these?
Lan Zhan: Yes
Jiang Yanli: So did you get one of those bassinet strollers that's flat inside?
Lan Zhan: That's one option.
> We actually decided to just use a baby carrier until he was big enough for a regular stroller. Obviously, a baby sleeping in a carrier isn't flat on their back, but because they are so close to you, it is much easier to monitor their breathing and make sure their airway is open than if they were in a stroller.
> I couldn't find great safety data on babies sleeping in carriers, but I also didn't find anyone who seemed concerned that it was unsafe (unlike sleeping in a car seat).
Jiang Yanli: Ooh ok thanks!
> I think I like this bassinet stroller, but I'll probably get the baby carrier from your list too!
> It's so helpful to know you've already done all this research!
Lan Zhan: Any time.
> How are you feeling these days? Wei Ying showed me the pictures from your last scan.
Jiang Yanli: I actually feel pretty great! A lot of people have told me the middle is the best part, and so far that seems true.
Lan Zhan: I'm glad you are enjoying it. I hope everything keeps going smoothly for you. 😊
○⭘◯⭘○
On Lan Huan’s last full day in California, they take things slow. Lan Zhan, Lan Huan, and A-Yuan go for another long morning walk. Wei Ying cooks them a giant brunch with only minimal culinary experimentation. Lan Huan takes A-Yuan to the park for a couple hours while Lan Zhan and Wei Ying clean the house. The Wens come over for dinner again, and Lan Zhan’s heart is full of family.
That night, A-Yuan goes to sleep early, and Wei Ying comes to the bedroom to talk to Lan Zhan while he gets ready for bed.
“Yanli told me you helped her with her stroller shopping,” he says.
"It's nice to have someone else to talk to about these things," Lan Zhan says. He finishes his night time skincare routine and joins Wei Ying on the bed.
"I can't wait for Yanli to have her baby," Wei Ying says, wistfully. "I wish they lived closer, so that A-Yuan could grow up with his cousin."
Lan Zhan almost doesn't say anything, almost lets it go, but if Lan Huan can tell it's weighing on him, Wei Ying probably can tell something’s wrong too.
"Wei Ying," he says, and pauses for a minute, "Do you want another baby?”
“Oh!” Wei Ying says, “Well, yes, maybe… Do you?”
“Not right now. Maybe not ever.” Lan Zhan can’t look at Wei Ying as he says it. It’s cowardly, but if he’s breaking Wei Ying’s heart he doesn’t want to know.
“Okay, then we won’t have one,” Wei Ying says, as if it’s that simple. “It’s a two yeses, one no kind of decision.”
“Won’t you be disappointed?” Lan Zhan asks, dragging the words out even though they hurt. “I want you to have everything you want. You deserve to have a big family, if that’s what you want.”
“Zhanzhan, look at me,” Wei Ying says, reaching out to hold him, “How could I be disappointed when I have you and A-Yuan?”
Lan Zhan doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything.
“You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?” Wei Ying says. “I don’t need anything else, I promise. I’m already so happy.”
Wei Ying looks like he means it, but Lan Zhan’s stomach is still tight, so he tries to put the rest of his thoughts into words.
“But after A-Yuan goes to school—if I’m just doing parenting—” Lan Zhan can tell he isn’t quite making sense, but his throat is closing up, “I don’t want to go back to science, but I don’t want to be a burden.”
"Oh, sweetheart," Wei Ying says, "That’s what you’ve been thinking? That's not how I see it at all."
"It's more like… every day I get up and I think, I'm so lucky, I must be the luckiest person in the world, because I have my perfect husband, and my perfect son, and I have a job that I really, really like—and more than that, it's not just like, I'm lucky to get to do the science I'm interested in, it's also that I really believe our company is going to make something that helps people, and, like, due to an accident of capitalism or whatever, they pay me really really well!
"And, so like, I have all this good fortune, and all this money, and one of the things I want to do with that money—after we pay the mortgage and give some to charity and stuff—what I want to do is make sure that my beautiful husband is as happy and fulfilled as I am. And that's not something you have to earn by working a certain number of hours per week or raising a certain number of kids! I want to share everything with you, and that applies to both money and happiness.
"So like, if you wanted to hire a nanny, and, and teach guqin lessons for free at the community center full time, or like, paint decorative gourds and sell them on Etsy, or whatever, anything at all, I just want to support you."
"Are you sure?" Lan Zhan asks.
"Absolutely," Wei Ying says. "Because I know you, Lan Zhan—even if you never make another dollar for the rest of your life, you're going to find something that's worth doing, and then you're going to do it better than anyone else."
“Okay,” Lan Zhan says. “Okay.”
“Come here,” Wei Ying says, “Let me hold you.”
Lan Zhan rests his head on Wei Ying’s chest and counts his heartbeats. They lie like that for a long time, just the two of them together. With every heartbeat, a little more of the worry leaves Lan Zhan’s body, until he’s only feeling warmth and love.
Eventually, Lan Zhan says, “I love you. Wei Ying, I am so lucky to have you.”
“Love you too,” Wei Ying says, and Lan Zhan suspects he’s blushing. He raises his head to check—yes, even after being together for years, something as simple as ‘I’m lucky to have you’ makes Wei Ying blush. Lan Zhan adores him.
“Wei Ying,” he says, kissing Wei Ying’s eyelids, then his nose, then his chin, “It is a blessing to be with someone who loves me like you do.”
Wei Ying covers his face with his hands, so Lan Zhan moves down to kiss his collarbones.
“You know me so well,” Lan Zhan says, “And you’re always careful and kind with that knowledge.”
“Lan Zhannnn,” Wei Ying whines, “Stop embarrassing me, I can’t take it!”
"You said so many sweet things to me earlier," Lan Zhan says, and kisses Wei Ying's belly button. "I'm not allowed to return the compliments?"
"Yes!" Wei Ying says, giggling, "Exactly, that's exactly right! My husband is strong and dignified, he can take a compliment, but your—" he breaks off into laughter for a moment, "—Lan Zhan, your husband is weak to compliments, and, and to tickling—Lan Zhan, stop, stop, kiss me somewhere else!"
So Lan Zhan does.
Group Conversation: Lan Huan, Lan Qiren, Lan Zhan
Monday, May 17, 2021
Lan Qiren: Have you left for the airport yet?
Lan Huan: I’m all packed, we’ll leave in half an hour.
Lan Qiren: If you’re ready to go, you should wait at the airport instead.
Lan Huan: Zhanzhan’s house is very close to the airport, I’m sure 2.5 hours will be early enough.
Lan Zhan: It will only take 10 minutes. Traffic is not bad this early.
Lan Qiren: Well, you have lived there long enough to know.
> I am going to bed. Remember to send me a message when you land.
Lan Huan: Of course! I think I’ll have time to call you before I go to bed too, if you're free after breakfast.
Lan Qiren: 👍
○⭘◯⭘○
Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are quiet in the car on the way to the airport. They’d left a little later than planned, because they were waiting for Granny Wen to get up. Lan Huan had wanted to say goodbye, and leaving A-Yuan with her made the airport drop off easier.
Uncle wouldn't be happy if he knew how late they had ended up leaving, but Lan Huan said he didn't want to sit at the airport for longer than the duration of his entire flight, and Lan Zhan allowed himself to be convinced.
Besides, traffic really isn't bad this early.
At the airport, Lan Zhan gets out to help Lan Huan with his bags.
"Thank you for visiting," he says, "and thank you for encouraging me to talk to Wei Ying."
"Oh, you talked to him? Did it go well?"
"Yes," Lan Zhan replied. "He wasn't upset. He understood."
Lan Huan smiles widely. "I thought he would. I missed you so much this year, didi, but it's easier knowing you have a family here that takes care of you."
He pulls Lan Zhan into a hug. Lan Zhan wasn't expecting it, but he misses his brother too, so he makes himself relax and squeeze back. He wishes Lan Huan didn't have to go back to Canada. He wishes Lan Qiren was here. Not for the first time, he wishes that everyone he and Wei Ying cared about lived within walking distance instead of scattered around the globe.
"Well, I better go," Lan Huan says, pulling back and grabbing his suitcase.
"Mm," Lan Zhan replies. "Call me if you get bored while isolating."
"Of course!" Lan Huan says, and he disappears into the airport.