Archive of Our Own

Mark was never the kid to have one favourite ‘something’ growing up. No favourite color or season, or favourite food.

Actually, he would always say he loved every color and season too much to pick just one – although he’d never mind cursing the cold winter wind, the gloomy autumn rain and sometimes even the boiling summer’s heat. 

That’s still the same now that he’s sixteen — turning seventeen in two months.

And Mark sometimes will say he has two homes and at times he’ll feel like he has none, which is because, growing up, Mark has made memories in the two same different places that happen to be on the pole opposite of each other on the globe. 

That has been the same since Mark was two and his family moved to Canada. Now, he’s almost seventeen and he’s gotten used to it.

Above all, he is a sixteen-year-old guy dealing with life like everybody else does – and even if yes , homesickness is a handful to deal with sometimes, especially when you can feel it for two places instead of just one, Mark manages. 

For now, he’s just flying home for the summer – as he always does – however, with expectations a little higher than usual. He’s going to turn seventeen in August and, although there isn’t much he knows about life, he knows that he wants his seventeenth summer to be really special. Seventeen has always meant alot to him so all he wants is for it to be great in some way – the greatest he’s ever had – because that's what seventeen always felt like to him. 

If he must spend his summer under sunshine, on sailboats, riding bikes down the streets at night, or playing beach volleyball all afternoon, just like all the previous years, he will. He just awaits that one spark they write about in songs, that one thing that makes seventeen the special moment in time Mark grew to anticipate.

But if it doesn’t, Mark will be alright. He’s almost seventeen, he knows there is so much more he has yet to learn and see, and he knows reality rarely tends to unfold like he had planned or fantasized about beforehand.

After all, in his soon-to-be seventeen years of life, the one thing Mark can say has truly changed about him, is that he can reply “watermelon” with certainty when he gets asked about his favourite food.

Mark sleeps throughout the entire ride from the airport to the sea house. If he could sleep for the thirteen-hour-long flight, he would, but not once has he managed to fall asleep on an airplane – it seems that he’s more comfortable on earth than surrounded by clouds.

After all these years, it has almost become a summer routine for Mark to awaken because of his siblings’ indelicate nudging in the back of their grandparent’s car the moment they arrive at their destination. 

The feeling that fills up every cell of his being as soon as sleepy eyes find the blue sky and the engine stops has to be one of Mark’s favourites. It’s like the sky is completely different here, except it's not any different from anywhere around the world. It’s just familiar to Mark in a way nothing else could – he recognises it in the way it screams home . 

Only then, it starts to feel like summer has begun.

Of course, Mark still knows his way to the beach, he knows the salt air that fills his lungs and he knows the sand beneath his feet. 

But when he sees Jaemin, he’s caught off guard, because that is not the Jaemin Mark knows, that is not the Jaemin he remembers.

When the boy spots them at the gate, his entire face shifts into a smile. He’s waving at them with so much excitement he can almost feel it and – oh God, Jaemin is talking – screaming – at them now and Mark is incapable of processing anything besides his voice. 

“Hey you two!” And it’s not the voice Jaemin has in Mark’s memories.

He meets them halfway in the boat yard, which Mark knows well – just as every sailboat there, he spots his favourite one with the blue hull. 

“You’re here early this summer,” he says, crossing his arms on his chest. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and he looks like he just landed from the sky: messy hair, red knuckles and the floor seems to wobble under his feet. 

That’s the first thing Mark recognizes in Jaemin and it reassures him. He can still tell, with one look, when Jaemin just landed back — from the sea.

Whilst Mark didn’t forget that , he seems to have forgotten how to speak for some reason — a reason called Jaemin, although he wouldn’t admit it, not yet. Thankfully, his brother is with him and not only does he still have his ability of speech but Jaehyun has always been better at interacting with other people – he’s used to doing the talking for both of them.

“Are we?” Jaehyun asks, cocking his eyebrows, unable to hide the smile on his face. Jaemin immediately steps forward to hug him and Jaehyun welcomes him with open arms. There’s no need for many words — just the usual ‘how are you’s or ‘so glad to see you’s, the kind of stuff you’d say to your relatives when you see them after a long time. In fact, the scene has some sort of familiarity to it. After all, Jaehyun has been an older brother for Mark almost as much as he was for Mark’s friends. 

Some years ago, Mark only had his older brother. 

Then Jaehyun introduced him to Jaemin, a boy around Mark’s age who had joined the group of friends Jaehyun occasionally hung out with during summer, when he wasn’t declining their invitations to stay with Mark instead. That is how the days from July to August slowly stopped shaping out of boredom, how Mark’s limbs started getting sore from running around under the boiling sun or from hoisting sails on masts, and how spending sunrise to sunset at the sailing school, surrounded most often by screaming kids, became Mark’s idea of perfect summer. As long as he had his brother and his friends, anywhere and anything would be fun.

“You’ve grown, kid!” Jaehyun says with the father-like tone he’s started speaking since he turned twenty earlier this year. Mark doesn’t know if he finds it funny or if it freaks him out, mostly because Jaehyun still looks like a teen if you leave out the great advice and the very deep voice — be damned, perfect skin!

“I almost didn’t recognize you there,” he adds, ruffling Jaemin’s hair. 

Mark doesn’t have the time to be bothered by it, though, because he panics as soon as Jaemin turns towards him after he’s gotten out of Jaehyun’s arms. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do with his body, Mark is pretty sure he’s petrified.

“Nice hair,” is all Mark manages to say without his tongue getting tangled up inside his mouth. 

As always, he was anxious about reuniting with his friends when he and Jaehyun left their house this morning, nothing too bad until he saw Jaemin and the anxiety mostly disappeared. Just to be replaced by gay panic, that is. 

It had been the last of Mark’s worries, never would he have thought he’d be at loss of words for a different reason than his social awkwardness. But Jaemin just had to dye his hair caramel blonde — definitely lighter compared to the black curls he had the last time Mark saw him — didn’t he?

Gladly, the other boy seems to catch up quickly, he doesn’t lean closer to greet Mark with a hug like he did with Jaehyun. 

He smiles. “Thanks, felt like changing.” Then, he pulls a strand of his hair from his forehead and twirls it in between his fingers. Mark chuckles awkwardly.

Meeting up with your summer friends isn’t the same thing it used to be when you were seven, that’s for sure. So much more can happen during the year once you’re a teenager, for example Mark realising he likes boys is a newsflash from April, and Jaemin changing his hair color from black to caramel, which matches his tanned skin and white teeth too well for Mark’s sake. 

He looks like one of those Californian surfers he saw when his dad brought them to Santa Monica during spring break, with their bodies seemingly sculpted by the gods and curls made of golden thread. Mark’s gay awakening, that’s what it was! 

The color fits Jaemin, to say the least.

For whatever reason, Mark and Jaemin don’t keep in touch during winter. He sets himself up for the yearly awkwardness that lingers between them during the first days, the same way it does when you meet someone you used to know. Every summer, they get to know each other all over again and it’s not such a bad thing after all: nothing feels nicer than realising how comfortable you still feel with someone despite the distance, both in space and time, besides the lack of communication gives them plenty to talk about, when you have hours to spend at sea with no one else but your boat mate, there’s nothing better you could ask for.

Obviously Mark hadn't expected to come back, meet Jaemin and find him taller, thinner, stronger and very much attractive.

“We should go upstairs, we’re going to bring the kids sailing soon,” he says, pointing at the sailing school’s building. The “upstairs” Jaemin refers to is the roof of the school, turned into a big terrace with a view on the whole beach by the owner’s wife, with Jaehyun’s and some other instructors’ help a few years back. It’s the only room that isn’t filled with sails, ropes or other sailing equipment, and it’s Mark’s favourite place. 

“We could totally use extra pairs of experienced hands on some boats, besides I’m sure Jeno and Doyo—”

“Jaemin, you read my mind!” Jaehyun exclaims and before they know it, he’s heading towards the staircase. Jaemin laughs. 

“I’ve never seen someone other than me so enthusiastic about sailing.”

“I’m pretty sure sailing’s not the only thing he’s enthusiastic about,” Mark scoffs, rolling his eyes at his brother’s behaviour, knowing very well what his intentions are. 

When he looks away from the staircase and back to the boy next to him, Mark and Jaemin lock eyes with the same knowing glance, reading each other’s minds and they immediately burst out laughing.

The first ice cube melts in someone’s lemon water at the beach bar next door and a feeling of warmth washes over Mark’s heart as he finds, for an instant, the bond you can only have with someone you’ve known for a long, long time. 

⚓️

Perhaps, the only thing Mark didn’t miss about sailing was the kids running around, most often yelling, that were an absolute pain to handle — unfortunately not all of them calm down once at sea. 

Now, for Mark’s sake, Jaemin has always been good with kids, it appears they are as charmed with him as Mark happens to be.

Out of freaking nowhere, at that.

Mark has always admired Jaemin. First of all, he was great at sailing. He became an instructor at fourteen back when Mark used to scream when the boat heeled over — even after three years of so called sailing experience. Second of all, he was so at ease with everything and everyone. Even if a little shy, Jaemin would always know what to do and what to say. Actually, Mark slightly envied that about him. Along with the fact that Jaemin was a three-hundred-sixty-five days a year coast town resident, which means that Jaemin and his parents are some of the few people you could see walking around the desertic winter streets of that summer-tourism based town.

Living all year long on the coast is a lifestyle Mark wishes he could have really badly, at times. However, after Jaemin told him about the depressing loneliness that dawns on him during the colder seasons, he promised to envy him a little less for that. Thankfully enough, other cities aren’t distant, the closest one, where Jaemin goes to school, being a ten minutes bus ride away. 

All this admiration had never turned into anything else over the years, before today. Mark had never denied the fact that Jaemin looked good, he’d always known there was a reason why all the girls had heart eyes for his friend, and it totally made sense to Mark. Jaemin had always been a handsome kid, but it was different back then, the compliment doesn’t have the same nuance today.

And maybe it all changed because in the end, Mark pretty much changed too, during the off-season. Somehow more than he thought he did because the admiration turned into attraction, and Mark won’t deny it.  

That being said, he will be surprised by the new thrill his life-long summer friend has just brought to his seventeenth summer, right from the first day. Maybe he’ll exaggerate it just for show.

The devil works hard, but puberty definitely works harder, particularly on God’s favourites. Which makes him think — he, Mark Lee, definitely not the first on God’s list of most-liked humans — has he ever changed physically enough for Jaemin to notice?

Well, he knows he gained a few centimetres over the last year — he totally towers over his sister and his mom now — but Mark never did something like dye his hair. There is hardly any change he could notice on himself, so has it ever been different for Jaemin, between a summer and another? Did he ever think about Mark the same way he is thinking about Jaemin n—

Two fingers snap in front of his nose, startling him.

“Sorry to get you out of your Jaemin-daze but I’m pretty sure your Californian dream boy needs you to rig that boat,” a voice nags.

Mark’s eyes shoot up to the sky in annoyance. How his brother seems to read inside his mind, by how spot on he always is about Mark’s thoughts, is something he has yet to understand. He still needs to figure out how to make his brain Jaehyun-proof. 

“Shut up, Jaehyun.” He shoves his brother, but still checks the shore for anything that could signal Jaemin in need of help, but he seems to do totally fine teaching the kids, getting them to arm the boat. “It doesn’t look like he needs my help, plus I’m not an instructor.”

Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow. “That’s even worse! You ought to help, then, student ,” he says with an exaggerated tone and a teasing grin. Mark sighs.

“I feel like you’d be too happy if I left,” he nods towards the blue 470 in the middle of the boat trail to the shore where Doyoung is raising the sails, “I wouldn’t want that to happen.” 

“Oh nah, I’d be happy the same,” Jaehyun talks back, shoving his thirty-two shiny, white teeth into Mark’s face with a grin, totally unbothered. He always does it with such ease.

That’s why he gets all the boys he wants. 

“You’re not gonna get him if you waste your time sitting here. You just lost at least ten minutes of flirting!” Jaehyun crosses his arms over his bare chest, the lines dangling from his hands. Mark opens his mouth to protest, but his brother shuts him up quickly. 

“Don’t deny it, Lee Minhyung. I can't blame you, Jaemin has gotten really easy on the eyes, especially on yours...isn’t that right?”

Mark blushes – god, does he hate it when his brother is right.

Jaehyun catches him flagrantly and he grins. Only one thing irritates Mark more than his brother being right, and that is Jaehyun knowing he’s right. No being should be allowed to be this smug, ever. Isn’t pride one of the seven sins, after all? However, there is a reason Mark can’t reproach anything to Jaehyun. It’s because the proud look never stays too long, Jaehyun’s face is serious now and, after all, Mark would have no clue about what to do if it weren’t for Jaehyun.

“Mark, just go for it! It’s summer, enjoy it and don’t overthink too much, okay? Overthinking is reserved for school purposes only!” Jaehyun reaches out to pat his head before Mark, who is very awkward about displays of affection, can slip away. A smile traces on his lips at the gesture, nonetheless.

“Now, if you don’t mind, there is a boy waiting for me that will not hesitate to throw me overboard if I don’t help him, and you have a guy and kids waiting for you! Hurry!” He walks away waving at him and Mark shouts a kind “ I hope Doyoung-hyung throws you out at sea” , to which a smiley Jaehyun winks and yells “ I hope the boom hits you on the head ”, in reply. It’s all love, their usual ‘have a nice sail’ wishes. 

Mark heads down to the shore, where the boat is fully rigged and ready to sail, waiting for him.

“Ah Mark! Here you are!”

“Sorry, I was–”

Jaemin doesn’t let him finish, he probably doesn’t even hear him. 

With a little jump, he’s off the boat and next to Mark, looking at the sails. “What do you think? The kids did a nice job, right?” Mark nods. “How you get kids to listen to you so easily will forever be a mystery,” he says with a smile, as said children are completely out of control once Jaemin isn’t demanding their attention – running around the boats, screaming and playing with each other in their orange fluo safety jackets. 

“They love me! What can I say, it’s the charm.”

Oh, it sure is , Mark thinks.

“So how do you feel about sailing again after a year?” Jaemin asks, grabbing his sunglasses from the cockpit. Obviously, Mark gets asked this every year – the answer is always the same.

“I missed it. But, you know..” This is new, different , from his usual answer. “I’m not a trident 16 kind of person, big boat, too slow…” 

Jaemin chuckles and Mark tries very hard not to look at him now that he’s taking his shirt off to wear his safety jacket. The wind is almost not enough to sail, the day is hot – but maybe Jaemin is a bit more, Mark’s cheeks tell him so.

“Right, right! You and your 470!” Jaemin smiles, “It’s like I’m talking with Jeno, he really turned you into a trident hater.”

Mark laughs, “Once you try the speed, it’s hard to find better,” he replies and Jaemin rolls his eyes, all the awkwardness or nervousness Mark was fearing carried away by the waves.

“Well, the 420 is being fixed today, and both our 470 are taken by our most tenacious pairs…”

Pair one, Sana and Mina, pair two, Doyoung and Jaehyun – they started sailing all together when they were thirteen and have been an inseparable team since then, now that they’re all in their twenties and have won multiple races, they are quite an example of companionship.

The four of them on a boat together is the reason the word ‘team’ has four letters, and when you put them in pairs, they become one. 

Kun should make them race in the duos category, they’d probably win anything. However, that means that trying to get them off their sailboat would be harder than managing a spinnaker in a wind storm. 

“But I’ll try to set us up on a 470, or the Augustine as soon as it’s fixed, one of these days. Confine our legal instructors with the kids so we can sail together. Alone.” Mark’s mouth runs dry as the soft look Jaemin gives him. He stutters out an answer between (a few) nervous chuckles, “You could do that? Haha...I mean, yeah that’d be great!”

“Of course! Why do you think I became an instructor if not to use the privileges that come with it! Besides, it’d be nice to sail together, just the two of us, now that we’re both the sailing experts we promised each other we would become!” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and Mark laughs. 

Despite him being better than Mark at sailing, Jaemin had never really sailed on smaller boats, he liked the company, not having to be extra focused all the time, and conversing with different people instead of one, or none. That’s why even after years and years of experience, Jaemin couldn’t pass his sailing permit to become an instructor, as mastering solo and duo sailboats is required. 

Until Mark tried and learned how to sail both smaller boats, two years ago, and by the end of last summer Jaemin was officially an instructor and Mark had just about another reason to admire him.

Sailing was a little thing they shared, their little thing. 

To think that a few years ago, Jaehyun – who was already a dedicated sailor back then – had to help Jaemin convince little, cowardly, eleven years old Mark to try sailing with them…and now they’re both experienced enough to be able to sail alone. Which is what they promised to each other when Jaemin turned twelve and Mark was already thirteen. 

Jaemin had the opportunity to sail more often, but he wouldn’t always take it, except for when he started practicing for his license. 

Now, they’re both so at ease on water that it has become their solid ground, they’re more secure on waves than on the actual earth – which is more than sufficient to sail without instructors.

Just the sea, the wind and each other. 

“And if I can’t get the couples away from the 470s for even a day, then we can still sail in the afternoon, whenever you’re free. You’ll see, the wind is actually much better.”

Mark nods, it doesn’t look like a big deal, but for Mark it is. Although, that’s what friends do after all, right?

Nayeon starts calling for the instructors, telling them to get ready to go and Mark’s thoughts are cut short by what feels like a crowd of a thousand kids running towards him and jumping out of excitement.

Jaemin starts explaining to the kids on their first lesson how things are going to follow up as Mark pretends he’s double checking everything once he puts on his life jacket, to hide how attentively he’s listening to Jaemin.

The younger answers all the curiosity driven questions from the kids explaining why the smaller boats are going first, for example, or “Why is Nayeon-unnie on the motor boat?” and “Can we go on the motor boat?”

Ah, the motor boat. Mark remembers faking all kinds of seasickness, doing everything just to be able to go on it for the time of the lesson. Cutting through the waves at full speed was always more fun than the sailboats. Until Kun put him on a 470 with Jeno, and Mark reached the sky – the peak of freedom.

For the first time, he wasn’t discouraged when he failed the maneuvers and got hit by the boom in the back of his head at each turn, he didn’t give up when he almost flipped the boat, and that happened more than once. Mark persevered, both to keep the promise he made to Jaemin, and the one that he made to himself, of learning to sail it well so that he and his brother could sail together.

Jaehyun, though, has his sailing mate already. Mark doesn’t.

But when he looks at Jaemin shushing the kids with one finger, he has a feeling it’s just a “yet”. A momentary thing. 

Mark doesn’t have his own sailing partner yet , and this morning surrounded by loud kids might not be as long as he thought it would be. 

He swallows what’s left of the two ice cubes he put in his water bottle and carelessly waits for it to turn lukewarm under the boiling sun.

⚓️

“G‘morning Mark.” Jaemin greets him with a grin as he runs his hand through his honey locks. They’ve gotten lighter under the sunlight. Warmth spreads through Mark’s chest.

Mark replies with a “Hey”, mirroring his smile before Jaemin has passed by him and Mark can turn to Jaehyun, for a little brothers-connection moment – actually, Jaehyun is three feet away, listening to Kun’s conversation when Jaemin joins them all on the balcony and he doesn’t move from his spot, just looks from afar.

He smiles at Mark, they share a knowing gaze about the little interaction with Jaemin and besides the fact that Mark is a teenager, well, he really feels like one. 

He feels content, summer is so great.

Nayeon claps her hands to get everyone’s attention as she starts giving the crews for today. 

“We’re changing things up today. On the tridents we’ll have Jaehyun, Doyoung, Sana, Mina, Johnny and Kun.” She calls out the kids, giving each the number of the boat they’ll be on and only god knows how she remembers all those names. The moments the crews for the tridents are complete, and Mark nor Jaemin have been called yet, his heart rises along with hope. 

“Jaemin, Mark, now that she’s fixed, you two are going to inaugure the Augustine this morning. The sails are in the cabin – you might need help to get them out.” Nayeon’s voice fades out in the background at the sight of Jaemin’s side smile. Mark catches him staring, but it’s only for a short moment before the younger hurriedly shifts his eyes away.

Mark’s been waiting for this one.

“Should I call for someone to help us get the sails?” Mark asks.

“Oh no, I’m sure we’ll be fine! You’re gotten stronger after all, haven’t you?” Jaemin grins – again – oblivious to the blush on Mark’s cheeks. That boy is always grinning, Mark’s not sure what it makes him feel. 

Jaemin was right, they were totally going to be fine. If fine meant they were going to end up tangled between sails on the cabin’s wooden floor. Not that Mark wasn’t strong enough, he just had very bad balance and he slipped while he was trying to pull the mainsail down from the shelf, bringing Jaemin along with him in his fall, straight for the floor. 

They end up chest to chest, one on top of the other, as cliché as it sounds, but Mark definitely doesn’t mind it. 

After a good laugh and mentally promising to never ask for help – even if they agreed to the opposite out loud – they managed to get their boat ready to sail.

The weather is perfect, the wind is just enough, the sky is clear and the water glimmers when the waves reflect sun rays. The Augustine feels like peace beneath Mark’s feet – very abstract, he knows, but it’s better than admitting it feels like home, because of Jaemin’s presence. 

Once the boat glides smoothly on the water and the wind is on their side Jaemin breaks the silence.

“So, how are you Mark?”

There is this rule, it isn’t written anywhere and Mark’s pretty sure it was never decided out loud, but it’s real and everyone sticks to it and no one has ever broken it (except Jaehyun, maybe once or twice when he’d tell Mark stuff, but that doesn’t count because they come as a full package, the same way Doyoung and Jeno do, with Jaemin too, sometimes. The rule has its exception when it comes to blood families).

What happens at sea, stays at sea.

To Mark, it always feels like the only place where he can really be honest. His therapy sessions should be done in the middle of the ocean.

“Well, I’m good. Definitely better than I thought I’d be.” Jaemin smiles.

“What about you, Jaem?”

“You know me, always trying my best.”

“How was your year?”

“I changed schools!” Jaemin exclaims and Mark incites him to tell him all about it because he looks so happy. Jaemin doesn't need to be told twice.

He tells him about the new sports academy he got into, which is very different from what Mark could imagine about athletic scholarships. The school focuses on all kinds of sports, as well as the human body. Jaemin tells Mark about the anatomy and dietetics courses he started, full of enthusiasm.

“I really want to be a doctor.” He declares.

“Yeah? What kind?”

Jaemin shrugs, the happiest smile on his face, “I don’t know yet, maybe a general doctor, or maybe a surgeon. I’m not sure, I just want to study medicine.”

“Aren’t you scared about not being able to save some people?”

He gets slapped in the back of his head. “How many times do I have to tell you not to be so pessimistic, Mark. Oh, and to stop watching Grey’s Anatomy, too.” He sits back up and takes his eyes away from the horizon for a second to look into Mark’s. Time slows down. “I’ll focus on the people I’ll be able to save, for now. Then, we’ll see.”

He looks back in front of them, but Mark doesn’t stop looking at him. He doesn’t answer, he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. It’s true, after all Jaemin will just try his best because he always does.

“Okay, let’s switch now! Your turn to steer, your turn to talk!” Jaemin says all of a sudden, standing up as if they weren’t on a sailboat which happens to sway if you brusquely move your weight from side to side. But it’s like Jaemin is unaffected.

He must have a different center of gravity than the rest of them, normal human beings.

Mark obliges and takes the stick Jaemin hands him, moving carefully to the stern of the boat.

“So, Markie…” Jaemin starts bringing back the childhood nickname so randomly while he tightens the jib and Mark maneuvers, closing the angle with the wind as they start moving close-hauled, “Tell me about your school year, in detail! I want to know everything.”

It’s a misconception to say they’re picking up speed now, as they transition from running to windward – because they aren’t, exactly. 

It just feels like it is because the wind is on their faces instead of their backs, and it feels like you’re going faster. You feel it on your skin and you misunderstand it for speed, so when they ask you what the fastest point is, you reply wrongly because windward — the wind — tricks you.

Mark learned that at the very beginning, because points of sail are one of the first things they teach you when you start. You can’t go faster when you have the wind coming towards you, than when it fills the sail and pushes the boat from behind. 

It’s the opposite when he’s talking with Jaemin. He’s a bit shy at first but in the end he opens up and the conversation flows better than the Augustine on the blue waves and they end up talking about ideologies and how terrible Jaemin thinks close minded people are. Mark doesn’t know how they arrived there but they do and it’s the perfect occasion for him. 

But suddenly they’re back on the shore and in two hours of chatting about all and nothing, Mark couldn’t get himself to reveal the obviously most important thing that happened to him this year. 

“How was sailing with the Augustine after a year?” Doyoung asks while he helps them push the boat on the sand.

“It was great!” Jaemin says, “however Mark got hit by the boom a few times during his jibes.”

“Yes!” Jaehyun cheers and Mark pushes him away until his brother stumbles back, almost falling into the water. 

They finish pushing the boat on the hard where Jeno was helping some kids unrig a trident, dropping everything as soon as he spots Mark and Jaemin.

“You two were going so fast, you’d overbare me every time. You stole all my wind!” He pouts, crossing his arms on his chest. 

“You were on a laser, Jeno, you were supposed to go faster than them in the first place,” Doyoung scolds, probably oblivious to Jeno’s joking tone. The latter rolls his eyes, not even bothering to fight back.

Jaemin smiles, wrapping an arm around Mark’s shoulders and pulling him closer, “Mark and I are just a good team!”

Mark just nods, but Jaemin’s happiness is contagious.

Nayeon shouts from the terrasse to hurry up and get the boats in the yard, stressed as she is – which doesn’t change the little group’s rhythm, that obeys albeit chatting and taking their time.

Jeno helps Mark lower the jib before they start rolling up the sail, but the glint in his eyes makes him awfully suspicious. 

“Yes, Jen?”

“What?”

Mark frowns his eyebrows.

“Can’t I help my friend with his boat?” Jeno replies, faking innocence but he can’t trick Mark.

“I know you, Jeno. You have something in mind.”

Jeno chuckles in defeat, lips tugging up in an honest smile – the calm right before he drops the bomb. 

“There’s something going on between you and Jaemin, isn’t it?”

It catches Mark off guard, and he sees two doors open in front of him. Here lies his choice, either he tells Jeno at his own expense, risking infinite teasing – or help – or he plays it safe, deciding to take the easy way out and deny.

Mark’s young, he’s still learning how to not make impulsive decisions, but he also trusts and appreciates Jeno for he has known him almost as long as he’s known Jaemin.

Jeno, who knows Jaemin better than he does.

“There’s nothing, but...I don’t know, maybe it could change?” Mark replies under his breath, but it’s enough for Jeno to hear everything, even what Mark isn’t saying, what he’s implying.

His entire face shifts into his signature eye smile that Mark has learned can be as mischievous as it is innocent. He can tell it isn’t the latter, in this case.

“Your secret is safe with me, my dear friend,” he says, faking solemnity and, of course, a little too loud.

“What secret?” 

“Oh, nothing!” Jeno smiles, turning to face Jaemin who had just walked up to them. “Mark thinks you’re a bad bowman.”

“ Jeno !” Mark groans, trying to calm his heart down – he really got scared for his life there.

“He’s not wrong,” Jaemin adds, laughing, “Mark’s a bad helmsman, that’s why we make such a good team.”

“Hey! I’m not that bad.”

“Besides the fact that you got hit by the boom while maneuvering today.” As if Mark and the word boom in the same sentence worked as a Jaehyun summoner or activated that vampire hearing of his, whatever he is doing, Mark hears his brother’s laugh behind him.

Jaemin continues, “If I had to grade your performance I’d give you…..” He looks up, furrows his eyebrows and his tongue pokes out as he thinks of a grade that isn’t too low but not too high either to assign to Mark. He looks adorable.

“Eight out of ten!” He says finally, and the flustered smile on his face when he realises that’s actually not much of a low grade is the cutest. It makes Mark feel all giddy inside. 

His cheeks turn red under the sunlight, the water is warm against his lips. He makes a mental note to himself to put three ice cubes in his bottle, next time.

⚓️

The moment he hears the door close, Mark knows that if he steps foot out of the shower, he won’t hear the end of it. Dreadfully, he twists the faucet and the now cold water stops running on his back. 

He prays Jaehyun will have the decency to wait until he gets dressed before assaulting him with questions, this time.

Mark opens the door slowly – to make sure that his brother isn’t standing outside – and carefully – to avoid making any noise just in case Jaehyun is listening, waiting for the slightest creak to signal to him that Mark is at his mercy. Nothing, the hallway is clear. 

But Mark knows better.

He can’t sing victory now, not with a brother like Jaehyun. 

Once, he caught Mark and dragged him into his room after making him believe he was sleeping. Mark can’t allow himself to leave his guard down until he’s in the safety of his bedroom.

He passes his sister’s bedroom, tiptoes in front of his brother’s, never turning his back to the door in case he’d come out to get him. 

Once the last obstacle is passed, Mark runs to his room and closes his door with a sigh of relief. His room is plunged in darkness, but the faint light of the lamp post in front of his window gives Mark what he needs to make his way around. He tosses the towel around his waist somewhere across the room and dresses lightly.

Hopefully keeping the window open all evening was enough to cool the air. Summer nights can quickly become infernal if you’re not enjoying the night life. Obviously Mark isn’t because he has to be up early tomorrow, for sailing.

He goes to close the blinds, catching a glimpse of the clear midnight sky where stars seem to shine brighter than ever. If Mark didn’t fear waking up covered in mosquito bites, he’d sleep in the garden like he used to when he was a kid – it’s a perfect night for stargazing.

The shades close with a squeak and Mark’s day can now end with a good night’s sleep – along with the third week of summer vacation. Mark is exhausted, although it’s in a good way and he feels happy and peaceful, he can’t wait to finally lay down in bed.

“So, where have you been, loverboy?”

Sound goes faster than motion and Mark’s brain is the slowest, especially when his heart jumps to his throat. He tumbles back in shock, tripping on the towel he threw on the floor earlier – with nothing to hold onto, he drops ass first onto the ground with a thump. Everything happens in a millisecond and Mark could only catch a glimpse of Jaehyun in the mirror from his position on the floor.

Mark swears he hears Jaehyun puff .

“Well, you won’t go lower than that!” He tells with the most fake-calm tone ever. Laughter is cracking through his every pore, his face twitching between a serious look and a smile. Mark stands up, massaging his back and it’s all it takes for Jaehyun to explode. He laughs so hard the birds fly off the big old tree in their yard. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Mark whines, but his brother isn’t close to giving him a proper answer anytime soon, barely articulating words in between gasps for air instead.

“The way..” Gasp. “You..” Gasp. Dramatic pause, long inhale in attempt to calm down. 

Failed. “Flew!” Another uncontrollable fit of laughter blows out of him. Jaehyun is stuck in a fou rire and he’s not calming down any time soon.

Once again, Mark sang victory too fast. His brother is stepping up his game – which godforsaken movie gave him the idea to wait for him in his room, this time? And how could Mark not notice him sitting in the armchair! 

He’s almost glad for his clumsiness causing such a reaction in Jaehyun because he’s not sure he wants to get into Jaehyun’s original schedule. Because Mark knows why he’s there. Mark knows that he was out all afternoon, until late at night. He wasn’t there when Jaehyun got back from the beach around dinner time, and out of luck – or not? – he got home just a little before Jaehyun’s night curfew.

Now, Jaehyun is his older brother and all that – their parents are on their little “married couple without kids for a week” vacation and Mark’s grandma falls asleep at eight and is absolutely impossible to wake up before seven in the morning – but he’s not about to scold him for getting home way past his own curfew, or for not getting home at all, the entire day.

Not at all, that’s not what Mark fears, damn he wishes that’s what all of this was about. Ah, if only Jaehyun could be the kind of brother that replaces the parents once they’re gone, abuses his power to exaggerate things and scolds Mark for not respecting the rules!

It would be so much better than the talk that awaits him.

Because Jaehyun is the coolest brother and he’s part of his friend group – well it’s more like, Mark is part of Jaehyun’s friend group, but that’s just a little detail – and he probably figured out what Mark was up to until past midnight on the first Sunday of July. Who he was with.

And Jaehyun is his older brother that knows him better than anyone and that is going to try to bring things out of him because it’s for his own good, and Mark knows it is, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. He doesn’t want Jaehyun to ask questions, to give him advice or to simply gossip with him because he’s going to put names on what Mark would rather pretend doesn’t exist. No matter how stupid it sounds. 

Because Mark’s head is this close to spiraling in a whirlwind and although he knows Jaehyun might be the solution to it, he might also be the last drop before the water overflows. 

So, once he puts his thoughts aside to see that Jaehyun has finally stopped laughing, Mark lies. 

He lies because he knows it’s what Jaehyun wanted to hear. 

“I was with Jeno and J-”

“Jeno was with us this evening,” he says with a bright tone, Jaehyun is clearly not mad about any of this, just dying of curiosity. 

“You didn’t let me finish, I was with Jeno and Jaemin this afternoon. Then he went home for dinner and I hung out with Jaemin until...well fifteen minutes ago?” Mark sits on his bed and sighs, thinking about how his restoring nap will have to wait.

Jaehyun hums, raising his eyebrows and a teasing smile on his face.

“What?” Mark asks.

“Well? What happened?!”

“Oh...nothing happened. Why would anything happen?”

“Because you like him?” Jaehyun retorts, as if he’s pointing out the obvious.

Here it goes.

“‘Like’ is a big word, Jae. It was just some friendly time, y’know, going out, being young. Just like we’ve always done.”

“But you were out for so long!”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he chuckles, shrugging it off.

Mark doesn’t get into details, and doesn't deny any sort of attraction he feels towards Jaemin, either. He only denies when Jaehyun uses words too big for what it truly is. He keeps it short because he’s a little scared of what will happen if he tries to explain what’s going on inside his head – what Jaehyun will point out if he starts opening up. ‘Why would you justify yourself?’ And Mark wouldn’t know how to answer that. 

The truth is, he doesn't understand his emotions. He’s confused, but he can ignore it. It’s summer, he’s supposed to have fun and just enjoy it, that’s what Jaehyun told him to do after all. So he doesn’t overthink it.

“Today was happy and fun, Jaemin and I are summer friends before anything. I’m going to turn seventeen soon and I’m done playing it safe all the time, y’know? It felt like we were in a coming of age movie, it was nice, we were just riding our bikes, getting brain freeze from the ice creams, talking...but there wasn’t anything more to it…”

He takes a little break, but not too long to give Jaehyun the time to interrupt him. “Though, I will admit that Jaemin is very attractive and he’s great and I don’t like him like that but why not...y’know, have a summer fling, something like that...see if it goes somewhere. Go with the flow and keep it in summer.” Mark blushes, “I don’t want to force things, and try so hard to make something happen, that’s just it.”

Jaehyun’s face is very serious all of a sudden, Mark isn’t so sure why. 

He nods, stands up and tells him, “It’s time you use some of that flirting blood in your veins.” And it should sound teasing, funny, because Jaehyun is a great flirt, he’s a witty speaker and it’s always made people go crazy, and Mark is his brother so it should run in his veins too.

But normal Jaehyun would grin and wink and give him tips even if it’s already close to 1am and they should be sleeping.

Maybe that’s it, they’re both tired. In fact, Jaehyun wishes him goodnight before yawning loudly and heading to his bedroom.

Mark falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow. That night, he dreams of Jaemin.

The first summer storm isn’t the worst. It’s just a waterfall of rain on the sand that lasts a little more than fifteen minutes. But the wind is too strong and sailing is impossible today.

Mark pouts when he hears the rain pour outside his window, knowing that the second he’ll look out again, it’ll have stopped. That’s why he likes summer storms, though he doesn’t really get them.

They’re weird, unpredictable and careless, but they’re warm and the air always smells nice afterwards. A little like Jaemin, actually.

Point proven, when Jaemin actually shows up at his door on his bike, soaked from the rain and Mark doesn’t regret turning down his sister’s offer of driving to the mall. He’s been doing that often, not only to Tzuyu or Jaehyun, but to pretty much everyone that isn’t Jaemin. 

He keeps his plans open and his days free, in case a bleached haired boy decides to stumble unexpectedly to his door – with the wind blowing in his hair and lightning crackling at his fingers – asking to hang out.

While at ten in the morning, the sky looked autumn grey, it’s baby blue now. The clouds have disappeared and Mark follows Jaemin, pedaling through puddles as they head to the rock shore.

It’s their spot, not very far from the sailing school, but far enough — or at least, hidden enough — for no one except them to be around. 

With summer storms, when the sun comes back it’s like it tries to make you forget it ever disappeared, which means the heat is rising already. When they’ll join Jeno by the rocks, it’ll probably be as hot as it usually is on summer mornings, if not hotter.

It’s perfect that the water is clean and fresh when Mark dives (slips, actually, but it’s too embarrassing and irrelevant to point out) from one of the rocks into the water. 

Jeno, whose house is the closest to their spot near the pier, is waiting for them in Renjun’s company — another foreigner that, like Mark, has made this little big town a seasonal home for the past two years. Him and Jaemin have been teasing their friend unceasingly with how often they caught him staring at Renjun with sparkly eyes. 

When Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows at Jeno, though, Mark doesn’t. He’s decided he’ll lay low and stay on Jeno’s good side, so as to avoid any sudden urge of the younger’s to tease him in return.

Soaking in water and sunlight, Mark swims around until the skin on his fingers cripples. Once both Renjun and Jeno are in the water, too deep in conversation to remark on his absence, he goes to join Jaemin, who can’t swim because of a cut on his knee from when he fell off his bike the other day.

Mark knows nobody clumsier than Jaemin. He remembers one of their very first conversations was Jaemin showing him his scars after Mark had pointed out the bandaid on his hand — each had a memory attached to it, every story funnier than the last, and Mark didn’t feel bad for laughing when he was ten years old, but he kind of does now.

Jaemin always tells him though, he should laugh about his clumsiness and his bad luck because if no one jokes about it, he will lose all of his comicity. When he was young, Mark thought Jaemin should be a stunt actor growing up, but Jaemin becoming a doctor makes much more sense.

The younger is laying down, arms crossed behind his head as he stops looking at the two other boys in the water to observe Mark slowly walk to him. 

“Should we bet over them this summer, too?” He asks, once Mark is sitting next to him, his thigh only inches away from Jaemin’s.

“Do I need to remind you who won all of our bets the last two years?” Jaemin chuckles at Mark’s reply.

“I dunno, feel like I might get lucky this time.” With his sunglasses hanging low on his nose, Mark sees his eyes when they move up to meet his own, messy light hair flicking softly in the wind. Mark pretends it doesn’t make him want to scream, jump, call Jaehyun and describe to him in detail how Jaemin’s face looks right now. 

Instead, he gulps discreetly and says, “I’ll think about it.” 

Jaemin grins and looks away.

But when Jaemin isn’t looking at him anymore, Mark is. 

When Jaemin points to a shoal of colored fish – marvel glimmering in his eyes – Mark doesn’t look away from him. 

When Jaemin stares at the sunset, Mark is still looking at him. He watches how the yellow and the pink reflect on his face and on his eyes – he doesn’t know how he doesn’t get caught, but Mark would say he watches the sunset from Jaemin’s face.

And even when Jaemin isn’t there, Mark still sees him behind his closed eyelids.

Oh fuck .

Four ice cubes slip from his hands.

⚓️

When he steps down from the Augustine , the earth doesn’t feel solid, or safe, or like ground, whatsoever – the sand doesn’t even burn that bad. All Mark wants is to get back on that boat and sail until nightfall, and spend time with Jaemin. Yes, obviously.

However he can’t stay any longer because – besides having spent something like nine hours at sea today – they’re leaving for their usual family-time vacation tomorrow, which Mark wouldn’t usually mind, if it wasn’t for the timing. 

Family-time vacation in summer is synonymous with family-surprise celebration of Mark’s birthday, no matter how much they try to hide it, after all these years he kind of figured his parents out. And he can’t really change his date of birth now, can he? 

Mark kind of wanted to spend his birthday with Jaemin, and his friends, this year round. 

But he appreciates the time with his family, and he knows he’ll appreciate the surprise, there are just many things he hadn’t planned for this summer.

Becoming so dependent on sailing everyday (spending time with Jaemin), hanging around at the sailing school or the reef all day (hanging out with Jaemin) are just a few on the list.

He thinks less, and laughs more as he and Jaemin push the Augustine up on the track to the boat yard, while Jeno buzzes around them, showing off because his laser is easy to carry and obviously, he’s not about to help them.

It feels comfortable, as the sun sets and the salt air fills their lungs and sticks to their skin.

Mark’s mom is on the veranda, so focused on her conversation with Nayeon she doesn’t see him pass by. So he decides he’ll simply take his time: he unrigs the boat with Jaemin, their conversations never falling short, they stow the sails away in the cabin, laugh, smile – Mark feels like those cheesy “live, love, laugh” inspirational quotes one of his teachers keeps framed in their classroom.

But when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.

“Jeno, I can’t breathe,” he chokes out, giving a few taps on Jeno’s back. His friend is too good at hugs but also too bad at controlling his strength. 

“Consider this rehearsal for the end of summer, when you actually leave.” Jeno grins, arm still strangling all of Mark’s being.

He unwraps his arms from his waist and oxygen finally fills Mark’s lungs again, but he doesn’t pull away immediately.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have my eyes on your boy while you’re away. I’ll keep you updated.” He winks ungraciously, pointing two finger guns in Mark’s direction and if it weren’t so hard to not be fond of Jeno, then Mark would’ve started ignoring his antics a loooong time ago.

The conversation his mom was having with Nayeon is slowly coming to an end, they’ve walked off from the veranda and they’re heading close to the gate. 

Mark’s standing, waiting. For what, he doesn’t really know. Probably for his mom to stop talking so they can go, for Jeno and Renjun to include him in their conversation, or maybe for Jaemin to come talk to him so he’s not the lonely one standing. 

This is no film and Mark’s literally coming back in five days – he needs to chill .

Jeno’s talking to Renjun with the same old sparkly eyes and soft smile and Mark has to hold back every muscle on his face to not give his friend a teasing look when Jeno looks up at him.

Then he realises Jeno isn’t looking at him but at Jaemin who’s coming up behind him and Mark has forgotten any rational thought. He knows nothing about “chill” or whatever that means, and maybe this is a film. The scenery is definitely Oscar worthy.

“You didn’t leave yet?”

“My mom never stops talking,” he sighs.

“Mark!” Well, he spoke too soon.

“Nevermind,” Mark chuckles and he looks back at Jaemin, who’s smiling at him.

They just look at each other and Mark feels the urge to step forward and hug him. 

He feels like he’s about to, he feels like Jaemin is about to as well. The air in between them cripples with electricity for an imperceptible second but nothing happens and time and everything in their surroundings, them included, just freeze in place. 

Then, Jaemin tilts his head slightly and smiles at him so softly, so fondly , that Mark feels the wind get knocked out of him in a loud whoosh .

It's like his brain short circuits because his reaction is a little robotic and totally out of his control. He's glad for this automatic-Mark though, much better than the one that’s punching fervently on his rib cage because of the look on Jaemin’s sun kissed face.

He smiles back at him and waves softly with his hand, mouthing ‘bye’ before he hurries to Jaehyun’s side.

The image replays into his mind as if he had just looked into light and with every time he’d blink, he’d see weird colored shapes blurring his vision ever so slightly. 

Mark really thought Jaemin was going to hug him right there and then. The smile on his face was the most beautiful thing Mark had ever seen and there was something about him that made his heart ache . 

But he doesn’t understand, Mark doesn’t understand anything that’s going on right now, inside of him, outside around him. Anywhere, anything. 

He just shrugs it off, it’s not important. 

Exaggerating the motherly hen act, Mark’s mom ruffles his hair and tries to kiss him while the three of them walk to the car. Mark whines, trying to get her off of him as she and Jaehyun laugh soundly. Like mother, like son – in fact, they share the same chest laughter.

When Mark slides into the back seat, a pout on his lips because Jaehyun unfairly called shotgun before he did, his entire body dries. 

The heat is suffocating. 

It’s what happens in summer, when you leave the car under the sun for hours, it becomes a human oven – but Mark doesn’t mind it, for the familiarity it brings as his skin sticks to the leather until his mom turns down the windows and drives away.

After a stop at McDonald’s for cold drinks and dinner, they’re finally on the road. Mark doesn’t know where to, because his mother and father decide to keep it a secret until the end, most of the time. 

Mark simply enjoys the sunset and the wind on his face while a soft tune plays on the radio.

“Was that Jaemin, the boy you said bye to last?” His mom asks, suddenly turning the volume down.

Mark’s taken aback by the impromptu question.

Jaehyun chuckles.

“He’s grown a lot, I nearly didn’t recognise him.”

“It’s the hair,” Jaehyun says, “almost fooled me too.”

Mark straightens up in the seat, “Why?” He asks. 

His mom looks up and their eyes meet in the rearview. “He looked at you in a strange way,” she tells him with a smile.

Mark has to hold himself back so as not to shout his next question though he fails to hide the excitement in his voice. “What do you mean by ‘strange’?”

Mark leans forward over the space between the driver’s and passenger’s seat of the car, which probably isn’t the only reason Jaehyun is giggling right now. Mark ignores him because the look on his mom’s face is sincere, she’s smiling and her voice is soft when she says, “Like how you look at someone beautiful.”

Mark leans back in his seat slowly, his mom doesn’t seem to realise exactly the impact of what she just said. Mark’s lips tug upwards into a huge grin he can’t hold back, unlike his thoughts that he promised to tone down. But it’s hard because he’s highkey freaking out.

Mark finally acknowledges Jaehyun who’s still staring at him. He winks at him teasingly before he turns around, facing the street again. 

He looks at Mark in the rearview. “Moms always know, Mark.”

Mark swallows the five half-melted ice cubes in his empty Sprite cup, one by one. 

⚓️

It takes very little for Mark to forget he was supposed to not think about anything regarding Jaemin.

First, what his mother said in the car couldn’t help but stick with him, to no one’s surprise. That’s not the kind of thing you let go of easily. In fact, it’s the only thing that Mark has been thinking about, non-stop. 

Second, Tzuyu overheard Jaehyun teasing Mark about Jaemin once, and curious as she is, she made her brothers tell her everything, which Mark couldn’t deny when he felt how upset his sister was for being excluded out of their little circle just because she didn’t sail with them.

It was a nice occasion to run through everything that happened between him and Jaemin since the beginning of the summer, remember every glance and every smile only for his sister to add she did catch Jaemin staring at Mark when Mark’s eyes were elsewhere many times when he’d come over. Totally did not help Mark’s brain.

Last but not least, Jeno texted him about Jaemin’s birthday party – obviously he’s invited and obviously they’re going to celebrate Jaemin’s birthday in one night, on the beach, without plans of going home until the next evening – courtesy of Jeno’s pickiness when it comes to celebrating his best friend’s birthday. 

Jaemin’s birthday is on a Friday, but it’s only right that they countdown to midnight of the 13th following Jeno’s thinking – who believes sailing after an all nighter on a Friday morning is going to be “fun”.

That’s another thought that simply won't leave Mark alone. He’s been playing all scenarios of how the night might go in his head before falling asleep, without getting too much into details because Mark is convinced if he pictures something in his mind too well, the world will never make it happen.

Though it’s a little hard for him to consider the negative aspects. No matter how much he tries to be rational, Mark can’t help but think that night will take a good turn for him.

It’s partly (read, mostly) Jaehyun’s fault. His brother isn’t exactly holding himself back from reminding Mark what could happen, or how Jaemin looked at him that day (as if Mark could forget, really?!) 

He appreciates the confidence Jaehyun is unconsciously sparking inside him, though. The more he thinks about it the more he hopes it really means something if both his mother and his brother have observed signals from Jaemin that Mark was too oblivious to notice. Besides the little teasing comments about the way they look at each other, talking about boys and lingering gazes with Jaehyun boosts his self-esteem.

They spend days under sunlight and around the pool, in this big house in between hills in the middle of nowhere. Just him, his brother, his sister and his parents – and a lot of bees.

Mark tans, soaks in chlorine until all he can smell is the faint odor of bleach, until his body has become water and water has become his body – and besides the eventual comments from his brother about his Jaehyun-proclaimed ‘sailor boy’ who remind him the time of day, Mark doesn’t see the time pass by.

Morning and night mix between watermelon, the smell of flowers and the singing of cicadas — then Mark turns seventeen and time slows down for a day.

It’s nothing too special or fancy, but it’s enough to make Mark the happiest. 

Jaehyun doesn’t let him sleep until it’s well past midnight. In the morning, he wakes up to breakfast in bed and an audio message from Jeno who sings him ‘Happy Birthday’ awfully off-tune, accompanied by Jaemin’s voice which you can hear in the background when he laughs and the cheerful ‘ Happy Birthday! ’ they both say too close to the mic before the vocal note cuts.

Mark starts seventeen with the biggest grin on his face, and it sticks with him the entire day.

Though his birthday passes in the blink of an eye, the afternoon spent with his family is memorable. 

When he’s laying in bed, before the clock clicks tomorrow, Mark decides Jaemin’s birthday party is going to be his chance.

He hasn’t been missing Jaemin like he feared he would, although the younger has not left his thoughts for more than five minutes so far. A night out on the beach with alcohol and music sounds like the perfect night for him to make a move, to step out of his comfort zone and see if Jaemin feels the same way about him. 

Like he’s the kind of person he wants to spend all his sunrises with. The kind of person he also wants to spend sunsets with, because Mark loves to talk with Jaemin, and if their bodies were to tangle under sheets – once, twice – Mark wouldn’t say no. 

But is he stepping too far ahead of himself if he says that’s all he’d want? Maybe he’s overestimating his heart, when he thinks he could let all of this be just one summer love. 

For now Mark is pretty sure he can. He trusts his heart, even if that’s something many people would call foolish.

Something in his gut tells him he shouldn’t get too attached, Mark gets it.  

He doesn’t want to ruin his friendship with Jaemin. He doesn’t want to spend an entire year with heartache, either. 

And Mark keeps it all to himself, inside his brain, locked in his thoughts. The last few days fly by in a gust of wind and the unexpected five-minute-long rainpours, Mark doesn’t say it out loud when Jaehyun addresses it, nor when he asks him questions.

Mark doesn’t even remember if he heard anyone talk to him in the last few days actually, zoned out hanging onto the floaty in the pool, his lower body soaking in water and his chest in sunlight, until the dark clouds would cover the sun and the thunder could be heard. 

Turbulence in heaven, gone after a mere few minutes – before Mark can land back on his feet and break out of this half-daze, realize he is driving back, that landscapes are running by his eyes like lovers to each other’s arms at the arrival gates in airports, that the world slips under his gaze so fast that the greatness and the beauty don’t have time to surprise him. 

There is only one beauty he cares about anyway, he likes to think.

The sand burns his feet for the first time, and Jaemin says “Hi,” to him, with a soft voice and a blinding smile. Mark catches a glimpse of Jaehyun over Jaemin’s shoulder looking at them impatiently and it gives him a feeling of déjà-vu except that there is something different. 

When he stares at Jaemin’s face he notices the faint tan-mark of sunglasses around his eyes, it wasn’t there when Mark left and that is how his brain processes that he hasn’t seen Jaemin in a while. 

Jaemin’s smile is warm, the sun is being blocked out – not by clouds, not by upcoming rain – but by the boy standing in front of Mark while he greets “Good morning,” to him and only him. To no one else on that terrasse but Mark, and the sun is being blocked out – not by Jaemin, not by the warmth of his voice – but more by the lack thereof inside Mark’s chest. 

His heart doesn’t skip a beat.

Jaemin followed his advice and started putting ice cubes in his bottle, six to be exact, so he’s sure the water will stay cold throughout the morning when he’s at sea. Again, Mark’s heart doesn’t skip a beat.

⚓️

It doesn’t rain once after that. 

August is unexpectedly calm, peacefully windy for the sailors, sunny and warm. The usual summer storms are gone, and everyone enjoys the good weather.

Mark especially uses it as a good distraction from the tempest inside of him which he cannot explain, trying to give him a headache and making him fear that he is getting more attached than he would like.

The plans for night hang outs and parties come cheerfully in between sailing lessons in the morning, and beach volley games in the afternoon.

Mark and Jaemin aren’t paired on the Augustine together again for a while. It annoys Mark so much he almost asks Jaehyun to pull the strings for him, pair them up when they make the crews before the lessons — but god, Jaehyun would tease him until Mark wants to bury himself. Therefore, he doesn’t ask and prays for luck to turn in his direction, the same way he does for the wind. 

He sails, that he does — a lot.

With Jeno, they mostly just turn the boat into the wind and lay around laughing and talking, as the waves carry them little by little. 

They’ve decided to have dinner together, him, Mark and his brother before they all meet the others to drink and celebrate.

Usually, dinner altogether would make sense for a celebration like that of Jaemin’s birthday — but again, Jeno’s inner party planner jumps out and he insists that they have a meal all together, on the actual day of Jaemin’s birthday.

He forgets to take the fact that they will be dead of fatigue that day into consideration.

“Isn’t breakfast a meal?” He raises his brow before his face shifts into a grin at Mark’s desperate sigh. Jeno really thought about everything.

No matter how exasperated he acts, Mark really looks forward to it all — he doesn’t really get the chance to do things like this, back home.

He goes out with friends, yes, but big cities (and cold weather) don’t offer exactly the same freedom as summer coast villages. The joie-de-vivre is nectar of the gods here, but not rare — the air is different, maybe it’s the salt.

Mark keeps his thoughts to himself, doesn’t mention anything Jaemin-related with Jeno, only to Jaehyun he says, “Maybe, if I feel like it,” when the older asks him if he’ll try to get Jaemin alone.

Mark’s confidence hasn’t dissolved, really. It is still there, subtly, in the way he flirts, letting Jaemin catch him purposely staring or standing a little closer. He is just caught off guard by how prominent the lack of interest from Jaemin’s behalf seems to be, now.

Maybe it was the distance, during those five days, that changed Jaemin’s mind. Maybe it changed Mark, played tricks on him, maybe it’s just the fear. Whatever, Mark doesn’t let it bother him any more.

“So, how much money are you all willing to put in? Excluding the gift, of course,” Jeno interrupts all the conversations, dropping an armful of lines soundly on the wooden table. 

They’re planning what alcohol to buy, which snacks and how many sodas. The gift is settled already. It was a little thing, originally just him and Jeno, but Doyoung and others insisted on participating in the project too. 

It makes Mark’s stomach twist in more fear — the night out also turned into a bigger hang out than what it was supposed to be. Just Jaemin and his cousins, Mark, Jaehyun and Renjun. Suddenly, it ended up being a full-on party — Kun, Johnny, Sana, Mina…until the entire young sailing instructors workforce joined.

Jeno can’t keep his mouth shut — surprisingly, considering how good he apparently is at keeping secrets.

Mark did not mind, but it made him a little more anxious. The bigger the group, the bigger the fun, but the smaller his confidence. He felt a tad scared to go full on flirt-charming machine and bring to end his “Get Jaemin” plan if there were more people. But the alcohol would help him out.

“Me and Doyoung will worry about the alcohol, you kids don’t worry. Let the adults do their job,” Jaehyun grins, playful dad tone and all.

Right, Mark won’t be able to go too overboard with the drinking either. Jaehyun likes to play the cool brother as much as he likes being the responsible one when alcohol is involved. Hopefully, he’ll get too busy to check how many vodka-cokes Mark is having

Once August arrives, the dread of summer’s end as well as the holidays heaves on everyone’s backs. That is why the weeks pass fast and it’s Thursday evening already. 

Mark’s fears and worries are long gone, to his own surprise he feels a confidence like he’s never had it before, blooming in his chest as nightfall approaches.

He and Jaehyun meet with Doyoung, Jeno and Renjun (it’s almost never one without the other now) at the pizzeria where Jaehyun and Doyoung empress them to “Go ahead at the rocks, we’ll wait for the pizzas,” after they ordered.

The conversation flows nicely between the trio, who find their spot on the reef quickly as the sun starts setting and the sea paints with orange. There is a moment where Renjun leaves them to go throw plastic wrap in the trash can, a few steps away. It’s a short instant but it leaves Mark enough time to address Jeno.

“You’re taking your chance tonight, I suppose?”

Jeno can’t talk back or answer because Renjun is already back, followed by Jaehyun, Doyoung and the pizzas cardboards stacked in his arms, but Jeno blushes slightly. The look he gives Mark speaks tons.

With empty stomachs, that better be filled if they want to last over more than a few beers, they bite into their meal, chatting incessantly and coming up with a playlist for the night.

Then, Jaemin joins them. They finished dinner and were getting ready to leave, a few minutes later and Jaemin would’ve found no one.

“I know we were supposed to meet later but I was bored,” he says with a smile, a hand running through his hair. He looks good, even more so in the golden light — Mark suddenly feels nervous.

The little group takes its time, walking towards the sailing school where they’ll meet everyone else, with a stop at Doyoung’s apartment to take the bags with alcohol he and Jaehyun had bought earlier.

The small town is even more charming at night, the stars are clear over their heads but Mark can’t keep his eyes off Jaemin. 

He tries to make it subtle; occasional glances here and there to see where Jaemin is standing, but also in the hopes of establishing eye contact — just do something, anything to interact with him. Jaehyun recommended he starts talking with Jaemin already before they meet up with everyone, keep the conversations going, keep him close.

What if Jaemin doesn’t want to talk to him, be around him?

Mark shakes the thought away, he has no time for this, no time for doubt. He’s confident, this is his night, he’s done playing safe. He is walking — diving — head first into his first summer (for all there is left of it) story. He’s making the first step, playing the first hand. Seventeen-year-old Mark has changed, he is different — maybe not on the outside but on the inside. He does not wait for things to come to him, if there is something he wants, he goes and gets it.

And he really, really, really wants Jaemin.

The sand sneaks into his shoes but Mark’s pretty used to it by now. Jeno had asked for Nayeon’s permission to take some of the sunbeds they have in the boatyard that morning, so that they could stay on the beach more comfortably — they had to spend the entire night out after all.

They place them in a circle, an extra one in front of Jaehyun and Johnny to serve as a table. 

Mark’s lost sight of Jaemin for a few seconds, and there he was laying on a sunbed all alone, near Jeno's, who was sitting next to Renjun.

Earlier while they were walking to the beach, Jaemin and Renjun had started talking about ocean fauna somehow, leaving Mark and Jeno slightly behind. Jeno took it as the perfect occasion to answer the question Mark had asked him previously, to which he hadn’t gotten the chance to respond.

“I don’t think I should.”

Mark was confused at first. He was a little slow to make the connection but got to it eventually.

“Why’s that? He clearly has something for you, too.”

“You think so?” Mark nods, Jeno goes quiet. He looks down at his feet and kicks a pebble on the street. “Let’s say that’s the case, what happens after? We don’t live very close, Mark. I see him once a year.”

“So, you’re not even going to try for a summer, for one night? Think about it, the worst that can happen is that you have an entire year before next summer to make you strangers.”

Jeno sighs and looks in front of them, to Renjun. 

Mark shoves him slightly, “C’mon, let’s go steal hearts tonight.” He grins. 

He doesn’t really know what got into him but after a short instant Jeno looks back at him, mirroring his smile and nods. “Alright…” Then after a little while he asks, “You really think he likes me?”

Mark laughs loudly, suddenly calmer — the knots in his stomach have untied — he nods to him. 

Jeno’s smile only got bigger.

Mark is sitting across from Jaemin, close to his brother so he can get a drink fast enough — which is supposed to help him take a seat next to Jaemin, by the way.

Jeno and Renjun are setting the music with the Bluetooth speaker, whispering between them, Jaemin looks up at the sky, everyone else is chatting, Jaehyun and Johnny next to him are opening up bottles and cans. 

The moment Doyoung takes out the plastic cups, Mark grabs one and hands it to Jaehyun.

His brother squints, waits a few seconds but eventually he gives in and pours a little of vodka into his cup — which he planned to mix with something else, though Mark didn’t know. 

Before Jaehyun knows it, Mark has swallowed the alcohol, the liquid burning down his throat. His face contorts in disgust but once the nasty taste has passed, he gives his cup back to Jaehyun.

“Okay, now I’ll take it with coke.” He smiles and ignores his brother’s warnings, his mind already tracing off to the music that comes from the speakers.

As soon as his cup is full, Mark doesn’t wait any longer and goes to Jaemin. The younger looks away, down from the stars, up to Mark who, vodka-coke in his left hand, asks if he can sit there. Jaemin smiles — of course he does — and nods.

He pulls one leg up, still leaving enough place for Mark to sit with Jaemin’s other leg behind his back. Mark takes a seat, closer to Jaemin on purpose. His forearm could graze Jaemin’s tibia at the smallest movement.

Johnny starts distributing drinks to everyone, as the music grows louder and some of them start dancing around, Mark notices his brother isn’t in sight anymore. Neither is Doyoung, it’s not surprising.

“You’re not drinking?” Mark asks. Jaemin has to sit up and lean a little closer to hear him talk.

Skins touch. 

Jaemin shakes his head, “Not a big fan. And it’s not very good for the brain, you know.” 

Mark chuckles, “I know.”

Afraid Jaemin will change position again, he hurries his mind to come up with something, anything , to keep Jaemin talking. The first thing he thinks of is what he sees when he looks around. He puts a hand around his mouth to cover it and whispers about Jeno and Renjun.

Jaemin likes the gossiping, Mark knows, especially when it regards his best friend. It makes Jaemin lean even closer. Mark moves his arm up to rest on Jaemin’s knee as they keep on talking. Fucking genius move, Mark!

“I’m glad I didn’t bet with you, I really would’ve lost again,” Jaemin sighs, smiling. He leans back a little and runs his hand through his hair, but his eyes don’t move from Mark. Mark focuses on his cup, drinking instead of getting caught staring; the strong taste of vodka is covered by the soda enough to not bother him when he gulps half of the cup down at once.

Jaemin moves up his second leg and stretches his arms, Mark removes his arm from his knee immediately at that.

“Oh, it’s alright. I don’t mind,” Jaemin tells him. Mark chuckles, standing up to get a refill now that his brother is gone — he hopes it’ll cover up his awkwardness well enough.

He might be tipsy already, he’s never resisted alcohol very well.

Full cup in his hand, he’s back sitting next to Jaemin, still closer than they actually should be when ‘Goosebumps’ starts playing from the Bluetooth speaker. He looks over to Jeno, only to see him and Renjun all cuddled up together. He nudges Jaemin, who giggles at the sight and his smile goes ear to ear.

Mark feels euphoric, maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it isn’t. 

He gets Jaemin to talk again, limbs grazing one another on purpose. He sees his eyes shift downwards, away from his eyes and over his own lips, when Jaemin thinks it goes unnoticed. Mark does the same, makes it a little more obvious.

Lingering touches.

Jaemin chuckles, the corner of his lip tugging upward when he rolls his eyes or shakes his head. The music still plays, Mark sings along to a few lyrics, sways a little and feels Jaemin watch him. They’re in their own little world.

Something is off.

The alcohol makes Mark more talkative than ever, he asks and Jaemin replies, and they’re close, Jaemin’s eyes are on him, on his face and then everywhere else at once. 

There’s something uncomfortable in the air, Mark doesn’t know what it is.

It’s pretty dark and he can’t tell the silhouettes apart, but he’s pretty sure Jeno just kissed Renjun, or Renjun just kissed Jeno. Mark looks at Jaemin — it’s pretty dark but he can see him well. His eyes, his lips.

Mark wants to kiss Jaemin, it must be pretty obvious by now. Jaemin is laying back on the sunbed, he extended one of his legs again. Mark feels like it’s natural, being here like this: sitting against Jaemin like they fit together.

He just needs to turn and lean and his body would be all over Jaemin’s. Jaemin’s body would be all over his.

The others are dancing, talking, Mark doesn’t know. He is still pressed against Jaemin, they’re quiet and he doesn’t know what to do.

Fear.

“Hey, where are Jaehyun and Doyoung?” He says.

Jaemin shrugs, looking around. “I don’t know, I don’t think I even saw them leave.”

“Do you want to come with me to look for them?”

“Sure,” Jaemin says softly. He could ask a thousand questions right now, they’re probably making out somewhere, why would they go and interrupt them? They have the entire night ahead of them, why would Mark need to find Jaehyun as if he had to leave? But Jaemin doesn’t ask.

When they stand up and start walking away, some of the guys behind them cheer, it makes Mark blush and Jaemin just rolls his eyes to the sky. He’s in front of Mark.

Fear.

Mark is a coward, he wouldn’t know what to do, he couldn’t do anything. How is he supposed to make a move if he’s scared? That's not what he worries about, as the more they walk towards the shore, the more space Jaemin puts between them.

Fear.

It hits Mark. It hits Mark like a strong sudden blow of wind — his boat doesn’t take it, his boat wasn’t ready for that. His boat flips over. He doesn’t know how to kiss someone, how to be the first to make the move. However, that is not the worst thing, neither is the nervousness.

It’s the discomfort and the itch on his skin, the more distance there is between him and Jaemin. 

The worst is the confusion, Mark must’ve drank too much, he must’ve imagined things. Jaemin must’ve not been flirting back, looking at him, touching him. He must’ve read everything wrong.

“Jaem?!” A voice, none of those that Mark knows.

“Oh, Hyuck?!” He’s not alone. “Jisung!? What are you guys doing here?” Jaemin smiles, and a thought creeps into Mark’s mind.

What if Jaemin feels relieved, saved?

“We were just hanging around. This town is small. There’s not many places to go.” Mark lays back as Jaemin greets his friends — Mark has never seen nor heard of them. He’s standing a little behind Jaemin, but he doesn't go unnoticed.

“Helloooooo, I’m Jisung!” A tall boy hops towards Mark, putting his hand out for Mark to shake. He does so, a little confused.

“I’m Mark, nice to meet you.”

“What were you two doing here?” The other boy asks.

“We were looking for Doyoung and Mark’s brother. Did you see them?”

“Oh so that’s the pretty guy he was with! I’m pretty sure they went over the rocks there,” he says, pointing to a spot a little further away on the shore. It might be the waves, or Mark does see two silhouettes. He doesn’t want to call, doesn’t want to interrupt his brother, but he also really, really wants to get away from here. And quick.

He stands in silence, while Jaemin, Jisung and ‘Hyuck’ talk, Jisung mostly reacting to what the other boy says. Even if he’s looking away, Mark can’t help but listen. 

They ask Jaemin how ‘it’ went and Hyuck tells him that he heard about Jaemin’s ‘performance’. Jaemin is all flustered, Mark can see it — can hear it. He’s never seen him that way. It is not a sports performance they’re talking about. 

He doesn’t know what to think. What to do with his body. He doesn’t know if he wants to interpret what they’re talking about. He doesn’t know if he wants to know who they’re talking about. 

The other boy’s tone sounds teasing when he pats Jaemin’s back and congratulates him. 

Mark sees two silhouettes moving towards them. After a short instant, he can clearly distinguish Jaehyun and Doyoung in the night. He begs for his brother to save him, wake him up, make him understand what happened, telepathically he does it all. 

But the thing with alcohol is that your brain is so foggy, Mark doesn’t do what he thinks. How Mark is inside, and what he is on the outside are so, so different.

Doyoung starts heading towards the spot they were at earlier, while Jaehyun still comes towards them. Mark still stands there, waiting for his brother to come get him while Jaemin talks with his friends.

“There’s Sunwoo and Hyunjin up there with us, if you want to join us or something?” Mark hears him say to Jaemin.

And Jaehyun arrives. Mark is grateful, it shifts Jaemin’s attention back to them.

When Jaehyun says “Should we go, Mark?” with a soft tone, as if he noticed with one glance how drunk his brother was, Mark pouts but follows, he expects Jaemin to do so too. 

Indeed, he realises he’s not walking very straight, and Jaehyun holds him by the arm.

When Jaemin doesn’t follow them but warns that he will join them in a while, Mark turns around and blows him a kiss.

He doesn’t know why he does that. 

And Jaemin doesn’t take it. 

It falls in the sand, in the space between them and Mark feels humiliated; Jaemin doesn’t even notice.

Mark wants to go home. He tells Jaehyun as he clings to his arm, as his mind blurs; he doesn’t feel like crying or anything, he’s just too confused to function. He has no idea what’s going on, what just happened, why he and Jaemin were so close and a moment later, there were seas, oceans and continents unfolding between them.

Jaehyun doesn’t ask, for now. He tells the others they’ll be back, not that anyone but Doyoung really cares (or is sober enough to do so). 

As they leave, Mark knocks down a few drinks clumsily, and seven ice cubes spill onto the sand.

⚓️

They don’t go home. They walk in silence to the ice cream shop, it’s at the end of their street, close enough to their house for Mark to feel safe; far enough for Jaehyun to make it clear. No one is going home tonight, not until sunrise.

Mark realises how hungry he was once he’s finished his pistachio ice cream and goes to buy another before the shop closes. The best ice cream in the village, the better pick me up. 

Although he tries hard not to show too many emotions, the giddiness emanating from Jaehyun is palpable in the air. Mark tries, again and again, to get his brother to talk to him about it. He knows he and Doyoung kissed, he knows Jaehyun is dying to tell every single detail to anyone who will listen.

That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Ask your brother about who he kissed, how it felt, how it happened? Mark guesses it is because it’s exactly what Jaehyun does with him, sort of. 

He does it ignoring Mark’s attempt at being a good brother – at ignoring his problems.

“How did it go with Jaemin?” Jaehyun asks. Mark is pretty sure he knows the answer already; he has guessed one at least.

With every effort of Jaehyun’s to shut down Mark’s questions about Doyoung to get him to talk, his younger brother becomes quieter. Though Jaehyun can hear his mind racing from where he sits on the sidewalk, ice cream slowly melting in his hand.

“What’s wrong, Mark?” He questions him every two seconds and Mark would answer if he could. He just hopes Jaehyun could make up an answer for himself in his head with the little puzzle pieces of the scene he witnessed.

They settle with silence as they finish their ice creams. A few droplets of vanilla cream stain the concrete between Mark’s feet, he watches them fall with a foolish smile before he realises he shouldn’t let his ice cream melt in the night (unlike his heart).

There’s voices coming from their right, they sound quite blurry in Mark’s cranium but when a little group of boys walk in front of them, they suddenly become clearer because Mark recognises them. It’s Jaemin and his other friends.

Jaehyun – more sober – seems to notice them first. When he meets eyes with Jaemin the younger boy smiles at the both of them. He stays back from his group to tell them he’s walking them home but he’ll join them right after. It’s not midnight yet, really? Mark feels like ages have passed. The ice cream shop closing indicates that it’s only eleven.

They have to pop the champagne bottles at midnight.

When he runs to catch up with his little group and is out of their sight, Jaehyun tries again.

“What happened with Jaem?” He noticed how Mark ignored his stare, he noticed how Mark was upon their leaving, he noticed how Mark is nothing like what he was when Jaehyun left him on that sunbed against Jaemin.

This time, Mark answers. “I don’t know.” It’s short, hushed, all the confusion in his head fueled into three words. Jaehyun picks it up for him, but it’s hard to rearrange fragments of a picture when you can’t see the colors clearly.

Mark is in his thoughts, locked into a tower with many dragons to guard him. Jaehyun can’t reach him and neither can golden locks, prince Jaemin.

The ice cream shop closes and Jaemin joins them on the sidewalk. It’s awkward. It’s weird and there’s a look on Mark’s face when Jaemin first goes to sit next to Jaehyun and not him, that almost scares the older. 

They do small talk, Jaehyun is almost excluded, but he doesn’t leave. He doesn’t leave Mark alone when getting the two of them together has been his goal all summer. All because of that one look in Mark’s eyes. Not the first one, but the second.

A plea, a question, an order; spoken in silence.

“Don’t leave.”

Maybe Jaehyun isn’t very sober either, but he understands then. He answers all his questions, though not as precisely as he’d like them.

He understands and does not leave Mark alone when they go back and countdown to midnight. He does not leave him when they drink champagne – even Jaemin takes a few sips –  and Mark hands him his gift. Like a vulture he stands over his shoulder and awaits for him to fall. He does not leave when they stay out all night and wait for sunrise and Doyoung tempts him in his ear, because Jaehyun is a good older brother and Mark did not get shot in the heart.

Mark did not get hurt where it bleeds most, he got kicked where it hurts most. His pride took the coup.

And when the effect of alcohol fades away and Mark remembers everything, he overthinks once.

They’re watching the sunrise all together, too exhausted to feel tired. Jaemin jumps around and tries to cover Mark’s sight in laughter and Mark has a very nasty thought. He thinks Jaemin feels bad for him, he thinks Jaemin is pitying him.

He’s being too kind, too close to him. Why him?

He’s not acting normal, it’s like he’s apologising for something. Mark overthinks some more and they go have breakfast and then it ceases.

Mark decides he shouldn’t care so much, so he doesn’t, but he stays by Jaehyun’s side, afraid he’ll fall anywhere else.

Ten o’clock arrives fast, when they have all interchanged the blood in their veins for coffee more or less, Jaehyun and Mark sail together, it’s a first. However they’re not alone.

Like the sails filled with wind, Mark lets loose little by little. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation but this whole sailing thing – with Jaehyun, Renjun and Mina – is funnier than it has ever been. All on the brink of exhaustion, awaiting the moment they’ll collapse on their beds, they laugh it off, loudly and let the wind carry it away.

So Mark realises he genuinely doesn’t care, not so much. It’s alright if Jaemin rejected him – or whatever, he didn’t really like him as much as he thought. He didn’t lose any friendship they had, he felt awkward and he will for a while but Jaemin pretends nothing happened so why shouldn’t he?

He’s just confused, stranded out on the shore because it was the one scenario he hadn’t planned or visualized. Yeah, that’s it. That literally is it, he should just enjoy his time, his summer – his sleep deprived, high on caffeine sailing session. Laugh about how instead of thermos filled with cold water, they’re carrying iced coffee. Laugh about the night, almost delirious as they remember embarrassing dance moves or clumsy falls in the sand.

They decide to not stay at sea too long and head in earlier, driven by eyelids that slowly become heavier. They lay on the shore for a while and what stops them from falling asleep right there and then is the fear of sunburns. So they move, make a huge pile of pillows and towels up in the balcony for anyone who’s not brave enough to wait until evening to sleep, like real sailors (or real crazy people). 

It’s fun, it’s light, it’s summer and maybe Jaemin was never Mark’s to lose. He was never his to get, because their friendship just had to stay the way it was and Mark was never to lose either Jaemin and their bond. Maybe the explanation is as simple as that.

He thinks it’s unfair, a Wednesday a few weeks later, one of the last before Mark flies back home. 

They had dinner on the beach, with the sunset and Jeno’s guitar. It was only a few of them. It was peaceful and it made Mark feel so alive.

It was the kind of scenery you see in paintings, it felt like a movie, singing and yelling the lyrics that everyone actually knew as Jeno played the guitar. Mark felt so warm in his chest when Jeno handed him the guitar and he played a little on the side, singing a song for himself before realising everyone was listening. Jaehyun incited them to pull out their flashlights and wave them in the air – that fucking idiot.

Damn it, Mark was happy.

But at ten and ten minutes – he catches it by chance on his phone’s display – he touches his nose because that’s what he does for luck. 

Jaemin sees it. 

Mark sits on a bench, Jaemin stands tall and gold in front of him. 

The sun has set, the automatic light from the sailing school has just been turned on by Doyoung again – it’s one of those that detect movement. 

Mark touches his nose, one, two, three.

At the ninth time, Jaemin sees him.

His face shifts in the biggest smile Mark has seen. Ever. Even his eyes sparkle with the light of a thousand stars as Mark can read curiosity and humour in his pupils. They hide something else behind them, though.

The smile is too happy, the face is too gorgeous, Mark’s heart finally starts moving again. Mark’s heart skips a beat. 

He keeps it for himself, but he swears he saw adoration there, something more than friendship. Definitely not love, but something – Mark thinks it’s unfair.

How can Jaemin look at him that way and feel nothing for Mark? 

He must have lost his mind, for all he knows he might have it all so terribly wrong. He most likely has, actually, it’s the only way he can give his question a proper answer.

Mark knows nothing, and he read everything wrong.

Jaehyun reminds him he needs to stop thinking so much when he slips something like eight ice cubes down his back from the collar of his shirt, uncalled for – that fucking idiot.

⚓️

August slips like the water against the hull, smoothly and quickly, in between Mark’s hands.

Before Mark can say ‘Ah’, his last day at the little sea town arrives and he finally processes that summer is over. With that, he realises the three months he spent were perfect nonetheless — despite what happened with Jaemin, the slight awkwardness that stayed a few days before taking its leave afterward, and the confusion about what happened that night that still haunts him.

But it’s alright because Mark is seventeen and he knows nothing, he doesn’t understand anything, however he grew this summer – he changed.

Unchangeable Mark starts to transform, slowly, because that’s how it goes; how life plays its game. How life decides to sail its waves.

Saying bye to his friends, especially to Jaemin, happens in a blur. It’s probably the fact that it’s the kind of memories that make Mark sad when he starts longing for summer, so he’d rather not keep them too distinct.

Jaemin rides with him back home after sailing, that’s what Mark remembers.

That, and the drive to the airport where Mark reminisces about summer, since day one. He decides not to think for too long about Jaemin. Instead of regretting, he thinks about how September is going to come, October is going to follow and a year will pass by and actually, Mark does not want it to. 

He wants to stay still at this moment. Mark wants to stay in this summer forever, and if he can get to live it again and again, on loop, on replay. In all the different ways. With all the different combinations of decisions. Until he finds the one chance out of a thousand that would’ve made that one night go differently. That would’ve made things between him and Jaemin different.