Work Text:
“Don’t laugh,” Yoongi says as soon as Hoseok opens the door. It’s too late, of course, Hoseok is already a giggling mess. A bright, radiant, giggling mess.
“How did you manage to lock yourself out of your own apartment?” Hoseok asks in between his giggles.
“I forgot the PIN,” Yoongi grumbles. He shifts on his feet. Awkward. This is the very first time he goes to Hoseok’s place. In fact, this is the very first time he goes to any of the members’ places. “So, uh, may I come in?”
Hoseok opens the door wider and gestures for Yoongi to get in. “Yes, yes, of course,” he says as Yoongi steps in. He closes the door behind them and leads the way deeper. A living room is on the left and the kitchen on the right. Not as spacious as Yoongi’s, but classy. Dazzling. Bright. Like the owner. Hoseok points to the sofa and makes his way to the fridge, “Have you tried Jungkook? He might remember. Just like with your studio.”
“He doesn’t know,” Yoongi answers. No one knows. It is supposed to be his place. His and his only. Not the company’s. Not the group’s. His. Now he is reevaluating his entire decision. Living alone might not be his thing. Or maybe it’s just that he is not good at remembering a set of numbers. “Maybe I should go back to good old physical keys.”
Hoseok laughs. He brings two cans of beer and saunters back to the living room area. “Sit, hyung,” he says, noticing that Yoongi is still standing there, sticking out like a sore thumb. “Beer is okay, right?” he asks, putting the cans on the coffee table.
Yoongi feels heavy in his stomach. Uncomfortable. Hoseok is asking him if beer is okay. Of course, it is. Hoseok knows this already. Back in the dorm, he’d just throw the can to Yoongi and that’s it. No questions asked.
Yoongi takes the can and opens it. As the first gulp of the beer travels down his throat, he figures it out.
It’s the house. It’s the place. Something that they own by themselves. Not shared. Not together. This place is the physical manifestation of the life Jung Hoseok has outside of BTS and Yoongi is currently here because he forgot the PIN to his own—the physical manifestation of the life Min Yoongi has outside of BTS.
Yoongi cradles the can on his lap. Maybe this is why they don’t go to each other’s places; outside the group, they might not know much about each other. The person in front of him right now is Jung Hoseok, not j-hope, and Min Yoongi doubts if he knows anything about this Jung Hoseok.
“Do I know you?” Yoongi asks because he has learned to vocalize his thought. “Do I know Jung Hoseok that is not j-hope?”
Hoseok gets over his initial shock fast enough. However, he isn’t as fast to express his reaction as he usually does in front of cameras. Instead, he lets the question simmers for a while. A faint smile blooms up. “So you think about that too, huh?”
Yoongi nods. The awkwardness was thick and mutual so he knows already that, at least, Hoseok must have felt something along that line too.
“God, I thought I was the only one drowning in this awkwardness,” Hoseok laughs. “After you called and said you were going to come here, I freaked out,” he admits, “What the hell, honestly? It’s just you and me, right?”
“It’s the place,” Yoongi supplies, sharing the revelation he conjured just a moment ago. “I guess it makes us hyper-aware that oh, he got a life outside of Bangtan.”
“True, true,” Hoseok nods. His entire body seems to relax down a bit and he slumps back to the sofa. A grin of relief and amusement adorning his face. “What messed up is it makes me want to… kind of… impress you?”
Yoongi snorts a laugh. “Like we’re meeting for the first time ever?”
“Exactly,” Hoseok swats Yoongi’s shoulder amidst his laughter. “I was thinking if I should change clothes. Like, what the hell? You’ve seen it all, so what’s the point, really? It’s ridiculous.”
“If you remember what we wore when we actually met each other for the first time, it gets worse.”
Hoseok laughs louder. “You were in your underwear. God, why I even bothered, I can’t even comprehend.”
Yoongi grins. He gulps his beer again. “Well, to be fair, you’ve changed a lot. As a person. Me too.”
“Yeah. And, maybe— I don’t know. We’re kind of starting something new too? For years we’ve been sharing space and doing everything together. Did you feel weird the first few months, hyung? Because I sure did. I literally didn’t know what I was about to do with myself.”
“It gets too quiet, right?” Yoongi remembers and laughs fondly at the memory, “I was in this constant state of expecting someone to yell or shout but it never came.”
“Oh, yes! Also, it’s weird because you become aware of the things that you usually don’t. Like now I’ve become aware that someone must have been taking care of our fridge because I don’t and, apparently, things get spoilt so frequently.”
“The expired things? Eggs and milk?”
“Yeah.”
“Believe it or not it’s Namjoon,” Yoongi smirks. It’s weird. He noticed it after he moved to his own place too.
“Yeah, I figured. The next time I stayed in the dorm I kept an eye on it and Namjoon was just— throwing things out. And, the laundry?”
“Jeon Jungkook uses an abnormal amount of softener.”
“Yes! Oh God, I can’t go back and it terrifies me. My bedsheet never smells good enough.”
Yoongi agrees wholeheartedly. He encounters the same problem. He even realized that he didn’t know what kind of softener Jungkook used. Luckily, a single Google search was enough to figure it out. Another memory pops up and he grins, “You know what? I didn’t know I’ve never bought shower gel until I lived alone.”
“Yes, yes, that too!” Hoseok screeches. He sits up straighter. He is bright. So bright. “There’s always too many bottles of shower gel and it’s like our duty to finish it up.”
“I don’t even know who buys it!”
“Taehyungie? It’s either him or Seokjin-hyung. Jiminnie stocks up on toothpaste. That, I know.”
“Toothpaste and toothbrush replacements. He’s like our dentist or something,” Yoongi laughs. He feels his heart swell. He’s fond. So, so fond.
“Yeah,” Hoseok breathes out. His laughter simmers down, leaving a delicate smile on his lips. “Well, what I was trying to say is, it’s new. Like, suddenly I realized a lot of the me that I’ve become was built on and around the group. Like a snug mold. Now we have our own spaces and we’re— we’re growing to fill the space, I guess? It’s like a mini solo mission and I guess we are just confused that we bumped into each other when this is supposed to be a solo mission.”
Yoongi hums. He visualizes a mold filled with seven different-colored liquids, mixed in together. He imagines seven holes poked from the mold and, from each, liquid of each color oozes out of it, making new shapes still tethered to the main blob of the mold. Two of these seven appendages eventually bump and their colors meld together, creating a new color, something that looks absolutely foreign when it is absolutely not. This new color has been found before, inside the mold. It was just overshadowed by a bigger color that is the mix of the seven of them.
“It’s funny,” Yoongi smiles, “It’s like a trick. We’re just us, but look how our brain messed with us.”
“I almost changed my clothes,” Hoseok cringes. “I think it’s not about whether you know me or not, it’s about whether I know myself or not.”
Yoongi pictures himself standing awkwardly in front of Hoseok’s door earlier, asking if it’s okay to come in. He chuckles, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we’re just— just trying to fit in the new, bigger skeleton of ourselves and it feels like we don’t know ourselves anymore.”
“Everything’s awkward. Like a baby giraffe trying to walk.”
“Like baby Jungkook trying to fit into Justin Seagull.”
“Or Gloss,” Hoseok laughs.
Yoongi shoulders Hoseok but he laughs along. Well, it’s kind of true. Yoongi was trying to find himself back then. It takes quite some time until he fits himself in the skin of SUGA of BTS. Of Min Yoongi. He’s doing it again now. A familiar feeling. A bit awkward, but feels right.
“For your information, I guess you know a lot about Jung Hoseok, hyung,” Hoseok says. Solemn. Smiling. Gulping down his beer. “All of you, actually. I remember those days in which I thought of you guys as—”
“Business partners,” Yoongi bites. Spiteful.
Hoseok laughs. “Yeah. But, at some point along the way, it’s just not believable anymore. It’s not even possible. I am just me with you guys. Not some business person. The one that you see in the dorm and the one who lives in this apartment. They are the same person. Me.”
Yoongi nods, “Me too. And I guess everyone too. Like, I will not be too surprised if Seokjin-hyung is actually a superhero behind our backs or something. But he will still be Kim Seokjin. If he’s a superhero then it’s just an undiscovered part of him. Maybe a secret, maybe not. But he will still be Kim Seokjin. The hyung that we know.”
“Yeah,” Hoseok agrees. He finishes his beer. “Then, now I think we’re discovering the new parts of ourselves together…? Like I’m discovering a new part of me and it just happened that you’re now here, discovering this part too. But I’m still me and you’re still you. And I’m glad you decided to just go and address it because— shit, it was the most awkward moment we ever had. Ever.”
“True.” Yoongi smiles. Gums and all. He feels warm and everything starts to fall into place somehow. Like new shoes that have started to be broken in.
“Ah, it’s always nice to talk to you, hyung,” Hoseok throws his head back for a second and sits straight up again. He cups Yoongi’s cheeks in his hands in a brisk moment and pulls Yoongi’s face closer to his. “I’m glad that, even in this space, you’re still my hyung.”
Yoongi can feel Hoseok’s breath on his skin. They’re close. So close. Hoseok is radiant and his eyes are like two little galaxies. Yoongi feels something shift, deep inside the cavity of his chest. There’s something there—something that is new but also nostalgic like he has felt it before but it has always been distant. Suppressed. And whatever it is, it’s free now. Fiery. Strong and whooshing like a gust of wind. Thrumming in his ribcage.
Yoongi knows what it is. Yoongi recognizes it.
Something shifts inside of Hoseok too. It’s reflected in his eyes. A realization. An epiphany. A wash of recognition and a dash of fear. A dash of want. He pulls his hands, moving away and shifting his gaze somewhere else. He gulps. He scratches the back of his neck. He seems like he wants to run away.
But Jung Hoseok stays and it’s all that Min Yoongi needs to get the courage to hold Hoseok’s hand in his, squeezing once and then twice.
“I am your hyung. And will always be, whatever happens,” Yoongi says with all the assurance that he could muster in his voice. “I’m still me and you’re still you, right?”
Hoseok nods. His eyes are back to Yoongi’s, searching, seeking, and, finally, finding. An exhale. A smile. It’s going to be alright.
Yoongi gulps. He marches on. “Look, Hoseok, since I’ve started this moment by being blunt and it has been proven to be a good one, I’m gonna be blunt this time too.”
Hoseok nods again. Something else in his eyes. Hope. Bright. Bright. Bright.
“I like you,” Yoongi smiles, baring his soul to Hoseok, “Has never thought much of it because— because well, I don’t think it’s… appropriate? But we have our own spaces now. And— and it’s even overlapping right now…?” Yoongi chuckles. The whole metaphors are starting to tickle his head. “So, I— I want to explore it. Nothing too big. I just won’t push it away now and see how it goes.”
“Won’t push it away,” Hoseok parrots Yoongi’s words in a quiet, more-to-himself kind of voice. He smiles, savoring how the words taste after they stumbled out of his mouth. It’s nice. He likes it. “Yeah, okay,” he says, nodding with the widest, most sincere smile he could whip up.
Yoongi grins. His heart swells up again. Even bigger this time. Even fuller.
“Yeah, I’d like that,” Hoseok says again as if he’s afraid Yoongi didn’t catch the first one.
Yoongi nods and squeezes Hoseok’s hand again. Once, and then twice.