Chapter Text
Standing on one of the balconies in early January, braving the cold weather and taking deep breaths of fresh air is the first time Wilhelm felt happy tonight.
And he can’t stop thinking about Simon.
He’s in arguably one of the most important royal castles in the world, and yet Simon occupies his every thought. He can’t stop thinking of what Simon would say about the vases, the extravagant paintings, the gracefulness every person attending is carrying themselves with. How Simon would scoff and criticize the British monarchy to no end.
And yet Simon is not here. Simon is home in Bjärstad, and Wilhelm's in London, away on some “very important royal business".
“Do you not understand how important this is now that you are the heir, Wilhelm? You cannot be irresponsible anymore , it is time so start taking these things seriously, go make alliances”.
And yet the last time he saw him, Simon told him to “have a nice Christmas” in response to the words he had struggled to get out.
I love you.
He gets it, Simon was right when he told him he needed to figure his shit out on his own, and he deserves to be with someone who’s willing to share that love with the world. He would do anything to be that person. But he also needs to face the truth:
He is the crown prince. The heir to the Swedish throne. One day, he will be the king of Sweden until the day he dies. No matter what he wants or needs, that is what his people need. There is no one else he can place that burden on. He was the spare, and now he is the heir.
His future is set in stone, and there is no place in it for a boyfriend. A husband. Simon.
God, he fucking hates August. He knows him and Simon would never have made it in the long run, but all he wanted was time. Just some time to be himself before he had to resign himself to a life of duty to his country, but August had to take that from him.
And he really fucking misses his brother. He would eat all of this up, the nods and handshakes and diplomacy, the fake smiles and fake laughs and fake everything, with the way he was. Always so agreeing, so eager to rise to his destiny. No surprise there, he figures, considering he was trained for it since the day he was born.
There’s barely a single person here tonight that seems genuine to him. His mom is in there somewhere, in the halls of Buckingham palace probably chatting with Queen Charlotte or telling prince Philip how great Wilhelm has been through all of it, how great of a king he’ll make one day. And yet, he is not the prince he had hoped to see tonight.
Last he saw of him, prince Henry was sneaking away with his boyfriend, escaping the banquet to go off and spend time together, which doesn’t surprise him. After the prince of Wales and the First Son were outed last year, they had made no attempts to hide their infatuation with each other, and while the backlash had been inevitable, the support the couple had received had shaken the royal elite to its core. They’d made history.
It also made him painfully aware that he is alone. Will always be alone.
Because unlike prince Henry, he is an heir now. His own prince Phillip had left him to shoulder his responsibilities, and he would never even be able to even consider showing Simon off to the world.
As much as he admired him, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit of bitterness towards the other prince.
As if he’d sensed his inner turmoil, the doors to the balcony opened and Alexander Claremont-Diaz stepped through the entryway.
“Oh I’m sor- hey, aren’t you the Swedish prince, Wilhelm, was it? I’m Alex, nice to finally meet you!” Alex said, a smile present on his face while he reached out a hand for Wilhelm to grab.
“Hi, yeah that’s me, pleasure”. That’s me, the Swedish prince in way over his head. Meant to lead a country who hates me.
“Really, Henry and I meant to talk to you earlier, but we got sort of sidetracked, and now I’ve lost him. We’re not usually this much of a mess at events, I promise.”
That was a lie. The couple were quite literally known for being a mess at events. Still, he doesn’t call them out on it.
“That’s okay, glad to be able to meet you now. I should probably be better at this though, socializing at these events. I haven’t gone to that many of them, I guess I’m not used to it yet.” The laugh he lets out is awkward, to say the least.
“Hey, don’t worry about it, you’re fine. Most of these stuffy royals think they’re way more important than they are, and a big majority of them you don’t actually need to know. Sweden’s a neutral country, from what Henry’s told me, and the U.S has barely had any issues with your country, so this is more of a formality rather than a necessity”.
Well, at least that’s somewhat reassuring.
“... besides,” Alex carries on, “Henry and I like you already. Every royal who goes through a sex scandal which causes a global inquiry are automatically okay in our books. Even if it wasn’t true in your case.” He laughs, leaning back on the balcony railing.
And just like that, he realizes that here, with the First Son, he could be honest. While he has to lie to the world, this might be one person in the very limited pool of people who can relate to him, who will have his back. So he will be.
“It’s true though, even in my case,” He smiles. “I fell in love with a boy and now I have to spend the rest of my life in a cold castle, caring more about the crown than myself. Merry Christmas!” he says as he raises an imaginary glass, jokingly toasting to a future of solitude.
He might be a little bit drunk. A bit more drunk and he probably would have called Simon by now, but he’s forbidden himself from reaching that limit. It is not Simon’s job to take care of him. Not anymore.
“It’s January,” Alex says, but he doesn’t seem aware that he’s speaking, the words coming out as if on autopilot before he chokes out, “It’s true? You have a boyfriend?”
“Had. I had a boyfriend, until I had to go on national TV and deny it was me in the video, effectively leaving him to the wolves to save my own skin. He broke up with me after that, and I don’t blame him. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him though. It’s all very inconvenient, but you know. The life of a royal, am I right?”. The laugh he lets out reeks of self-deprecation.
Alex, however, doesn’t seem amused. Rather, he’s looking at Wilhelm with concern.
“Tell me about him, your, well, your ´Alex´ I guess. What’s he like?”
And that’s. That’s the first time anyone’s asked him to talk about Simon. His friends at Hillerska, which mainly just consists of Felicie and Maddie these days, usually act like it never happened, and his mom has actively discouraged any mention of Simon’s name in his vicinity.
Which is a damn shame, since Simon is his favorite topic of conversation these days, not a surprise since he cant stop fucking thinking about him.
“His name is Simon and he’s just, he’s everything. He’s kind, and brave, and doesn’t give a shit about status or relevancy. The first time we met in class, he looked right at me while ranting about how useless and exploitative monarchism is, how it’s an unjust concept, built on racist societal structures. He’s such a talented singer, and he’s so smart even if he doesn’t know it.” He pauses, diverting his eyes to gaze over the gardens below the balcony before continuing.
“He’s dedicated to his friends, and protective of his sister. Honestly, the fact that he ever gave me the time of day is more than I probably deserve. When we were together, I forgot about everything else, it was just me and him. I felt invincible when I was with him. The world just, fell away, and I had no obligation to anyone besides him. He’s the only one I want to have any obligation to. He’s the only one I want.”
“And yet he’s the one you have to sacrifice due to the obligations you have to your country.” Alex finishes for him, and he looks back at him before nodding slightly.
“It’s just, this was never meant to happen, I assume you’ve met my brother?” he asks, pausing briefly and waiting for Alex to nod before continuing, “well, he was always the golden child. Not only was he born to be king, but he liked it as well. He was so sure of his future and what kind of ruler he wanted to be. I was never meant for the crown.”
“I never wanted any of it”, he said. “I never got along with my mother, I always seemed to do the wrong thing in her eyes. And Erik, he was just so good, when he died-”, he wipes away a tear before continuing, “when he died he brought the whole family with him, in a sense. I have no idea what kind of ruler I’ll be, but I know there can’t be a place for Simon in that future, and that’s what hurts the most. No matter how much I want it, it’ll never be a possibility. The Bernadotte bloodline is not allowed to die, and I’m the only one left.”
The silence that follows is tense. He knows that there’s nothing Alex can say that will help him. Him and Henry were lucky, all things considered. Despite everything they went through, they had each other to lean on. He was alone in all of this. Simon was too, at home in Bjärstad. And yet, despite every cell in his body telling him he should be jealous, all he feels is happiness for the couple. Despite horrible odds, they made it. They were able to come out.
“You know,” Alex starts. “When me and Henry met Erik the first time after the emails leaked, I think it was at a gala for some charity right before my mom’s election campaign really kicked off back home, I only remember how happy he was for us. He stayed with us through most of the night, along with the Norwegian princess, we got along great. He talked about you though, alot, and I don’t really think he noticed he was doing it half of the time.”
He remembered that gala. He’d been ordered to stay home to study with his final exams right around the corner, and he’d been sat in silence in one of the castle’s libraries while his parents and Erik flew to France over the weekend. Secretly, he’d been wanting to join them, had even tried to build up the courage for a whole week before his mother shut that idea down. Secretly, he’d been wanting to meet prince Henry again.
Belatedly, he notices Alex never stopped talking.
“... and I don’t know if this will make things better or worse, but I think he knew. About, you know, you. He never said anything in particular, but there were signs. He kept going on about what role models we would be, not only for queer people, but for young royals everywhere. He couldn’t stop smiling when talking about you. Henry and I even talked later that evening about how lucky you must be to have a brother like that. When we heard the news, we couldn’t stop thinking about you. When that tape leaked, Wilhelm we should’ve reached out, God knows Henry wanted to, but then you denied it and we thought it was better not to involve ourselves as to not add fuel to the fire. I’m so sorry you had to go through this alone.”
And that is, a lot of information. Had Erik known? He isn’t sure he himself had fully come to terms with it himself back then. But then he remembers how Erik had never asked about any girlfriends, had always kept things vague, had corrected their mother whenever they had said anything vaguely offensive.
Erik had known.
All he could feel was relief. If nothing else, his brother died knowing who he fully was. He would have supported him, if he was still alive. Despite the shitshow his life has been since Erik died, he would always have that.
He wipes away a few stray tears he hadn’t realised he’d had before looking back at Alex to find Alex looking back at him.
“It’s not your fault. I was never meant for the throne. If I was still the spare, there might have been hope, and if so that would have mostly been because of the two of you. Erik was right, what you did, the history you made, will still help a lot of young royals out there, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one out there.”, he tries to smile, but judging by Alex’s face he’s not doing too good of a job. Still, Alex smiles back.
“I know your situation is different from ours, and the expectations placed on you are greater than Henry’s, but please do not give up on Simon. If you really love him, and if he cares enough about you to try something with you despite your title, crown prince or not, you’d make a mistake if you let that go. Trust me, there was a time I thought I’d lost Henry, when I thought he didn’t love me back, and as devastating as that time was, it turned out he had loved me since the start, and I was the idiot who’d been a bit behind. Even if you don’t see a way out of it right now, there might be one in the future”.
Well. At least someone’s holding on to hope.
“I don’t really see one at the moment though”, he replies.
“Did you know that Henry and I kissed for the first time on New Year's Eve?” Alex asks, which is a bit out of left field and he’s confused for a second before shaking his head.
As much as the world knows the intimate details of Alex and Henry’s relationship due to the Waterloo letters, he himself had never read them. To him, it had seemed like an enormous invasion of privacy, and while royalty all over the world went into panic and doubled down on security, he himself had never felt the need to know details Alex and Henry didn’t want shared. Ironic, wasn’t it, that he’d end up in a similar situation himself?
“Yeah,” he starts, “or more like he kissed me and ran away, causing my sexuality crisis and then ghosted me for weeks before I could get him back to my side of the Atlantic. We had a bit of a rocky start, to say the least.”
“Happy late anniversary, Alex.” he replies, still a bit confused.
“Well thank you, but that wasn’t my point. My point was, two years ago, Henry and I were in chaos. We had no idea what the next two years were gonna look like, I didn’t even know if he liked me, and we certainly didn’t know our emails were going to be leaked. Point being, shit happens. Circumstances change. One day you’re being ghosted and the other you’ll be cementing your future with your partner. You love Simon, so fight for him. You have to figure out what that means for the two of you, but trust me, it’ll be worth it”.
Maybe. Maybe Alex has a point, but while their situations might look similar on paper, they’re vastly different. Still, he might not see a solution, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
He loves Simon. He’s going to fight for him.
“I will. Enough about me though, what about you? I saw you and Henry sneaking off earlier, are you two okay?” God, his first royal visit to England and he’s managed to embarrass himself in front of members of the White House. He hopes this isn't an indication of what his rule as king will be like.
“We’re good! Mom’s halfway through her last term so we’re finally thinking about putting down roots. Actually, and don't tell Henry any of this Wilhelm, or I’ll have to kill you, but I’m actually planning on proposing pretty soon. As soon as exams finish up and we don't have social engagements for a while. Good idea?” Alex asks, clearly out of his mind.
Of course it's a horrible idea. It destroys centuries of diplomatic relations and history, jeopardizes European monarchy all over and could potentially damage Alex Claremont Diaz’s very public aspirations of being a senator. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Still.
“Yes” is all he gives him, but it says enough. Alex smiles at him and looks like a burden has been taken off his shoulders.
“Good, that’s great, because everyone besides our closest friends have thought it's a terrible idea, and I was getting a bit worried” Alex laughs, running a hand through his hair while Wilhelm lets out a small laugh too.
“There you are darling, I have been looking everywh- oh! Wille, good evening, lovely to see you again. Hopefully my Alex hasn’t scared you away from the palace, has he?” Prince Henry says, stepping through the balcony doors and walking up next to Alex, sliding his arm around his waist. God, they’re already domestic.
Simon would like that, he thinks. To be able to be open with their love instead of hiding it between dorm rooms and gaming noises.
And for the first time since the Christmas break started, Wilhelm is certain he’s going to fight to give Simon his future, and more.
“Excuse me? Your Alex is a delight and I wont have you insinuating otherwise, baby” Alex interrupts, tilting his head slightly to look up at Henry.
“Of course not love, I’m sorry” Henry huffs before leaning down to kiss him quickly before turning back to Wilhelm, waiting for an answer.
“No, your Alex hasn’t scared me away for life, which is a good thing considering I’m bound to visit it a lot more in the future” he smiles back at Henry.
“Good, that’s good! I’ve really missed you, Wille, how is your family doing?”.
“We’re… managing, I guess? It’ s been a lot to handle for all of us, I think, but we can’t really afford to not manage so we’re pulling through. I have big shoes to fill now and all”, he responds.
“If you ever need anything Wille, you’ll tell me? Not as another royal, but as a friend? Us spares gotta stick together and all that, right?”, the worry in Henry’s face evident, and with Alex’s head resting against his shoulder.
“Yeah, sure, I’m not a spare anymore though, haven’t you heard?” he says, gesturing vaguely towards nothing in particular.
“You’ll always be a spare at heart, Wille, you can’t get rid of the title that easily”, Henry jokes.
He hums, nodding slightly and wringing his hands in front of him. Henry must pick up on his uneasiness, because he keeps talking before Wilhelm can think of a response that isn’t well, my brother dying seemed to get rid of it pretty easily.
“Anyway, I’m sorry but your mother is looking for you, apparently you have an Argentinian ambassador to charm. Something about state reform?” he continues.
“Yay, can’t wait”, he replies, sarcasm heavy but smiling at the couple and mock saluting before he kicks off of the railing to head back down to the throngs of important people one floor below them. Right as he reaches the entryway, Henry calls out his name and he turns around.
“I know you might feel alone, but you’re not. If you ever need anything, call us. Both of us. We’re your guys, whatever you need. We can’t change your situation, but whatever we could do to make it better, you let us know, alright?” He finishes, looking at Wilhelm with an intense look.
They’re not his brothers. Nobody will ever be Erik, but right now, Henry might be the closest thing he has. He walks back out on the balcony and moves to hug both of them, all three clinging on for an embarrassing amount of seconds before Wilhelm pulls away.
“I’ll let you know, I promise”, he says, and nods once again before leaving the two of them on the balcony.
Once he's on his own again, he ducks into the nearest bathroom to wash his face before meeting with the most powerful people in the world. God, he’s sixteen, he’s not ready for this.
But he has no choice.
If he is going to fight for Simon, he needs bargaining power. He needs to clean up his act and make his people love him, enough to want to see him happy. And while Alex and Henry are powerful people, they alone will not be enough.
If he wants Simon, he has to start acting like it.
Shutting off the faucet, he dries his hands before moving to straighten his tie.
This is where their story starts again. Simon might not know it yet, but tonight is going to be the first step towards them being able to love openly. As soon as they get back to Hillerska, he’s going to make sure Simon knows that.
He steps out of the bathroom and down the hall, and he barely has the chance to step through the gateway to the dining hall before his mother is there, pulling at his arm and introducing him to all the right people.
It’s just as fake as he told Simon, high out of his mind on a football pitch one night. All of this is fake.
Except Simon. Simon is real, he’s tangible and beautiful and he wants Wilhelm, he’s sure of it. Simon is the only one he wants, and he’s going to make sure Simon understands that.
And, he realises, not only is his feelings for Simon real, but Simon makes him feel real too. With Simon, he’s not a prince or a future king, he’s just Wilhelm.
That’s the only version of himself he’s ever wanted to be.