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I sat upon the roof, thinking, dreaming…
I buried myself in the moment of all I had witnessed and pondered, mingled between loyalties clinging onto me like a child grasping their mother's robe. The voices echoed as the thoughts churned when the hope I had crawled back down as of the setting sun drifting behind the hills of Gibeah. The hills rolled before my eyes wandering across the land. They tumbled and swooped carrying the fields of wheat along with the terraces trimming its edges. Workers had set down their sickles, piled the wheat they brought, tied up their oxen, and retreated to their homes once evening came with an orange streak burning the skies with a brilliant scarlet. I consumed the works of Adonai's creation to drive away intrusive musings tempting me to contemplate. I heeded the yaps of distant jackals scurrying through the brush where they signaled the coming night. I hummed at the wind whispering songs slithering past my ears till it reached the wheat the breeze ruffled. The arid air pressed against me while I closed my eyes, scraped by the dust pricking my skin, and reeled in breaths I concealed for a tinge of peace. My mind wrecked with troubled thoughts lingered no matter what pleasures I gripped at that moment. The presence of the night, a sense of serenity slipping from my grasp, and the breeze brushing my hair, dark as the approaching night, had been trampled by my frustration boiling from within.
Flustered and cold with grief, my fingers knotted around strings plucked from my garment when lowering my gaze upon my sandals dangling below the roof I sat. The circlet weighed my head, reminding me of my position, an ill-waited destiny I wish to not imagine. I sighed.
The swords of battle and the arrows of the archer tackled me to where I sank in sulkings dragging my spirits down at ease. A conflicted urge to reason my loyalty for the one I love unto him who'll snap at my words without waiting hurled another twinge correcting me of a promised fate. Hope dwindled before my sight.
The kingdom rested on my shoulders, and the crown teased at my back as my father's promises, coated in lies, rang through my head. The intentions had been too apparent to not notice what my father desired beneath his tongue allowing but good words to slide from the top. After a conversation I constructed during the time I lured my father into the fields to talk him out of harming my beloved, he seemed to agree with my reasoning to honor the one who has served him with clean hands. He promised, he remarked how everything will be as it is, but the further I examined his discomfort toward the man I loved, the more suspicious I became. This has led me to question my loyalty and my place between the ones I love. My father expected every drip of loyalty from me watering his vexed heart. But I digress for my lover, the dove of my heart.
I close my eyes and I can see us together with beating hearts and gazes intacted. Truer promises than the ones my father sputtered broke our lips full of the love we shared. The thought of us separated by the hate bleeding out from my veins related to the blood of him who sheds that hatred rattled me of a future I cannot face. Too difficult to imagine. All too much…
But perhaps I will shove the terrors away to shake off the chains. If I spare my father's warnings of a storm brewing against my beloved should I then be content and without worry of the future. I shall bring forth good thoughts only and assume righteous intentions from my father. For I cannot bear the musings I ponder while I sit in a still silence to be comforted by my surroundings. I devoured my beloved's love. Letting it go would drop the regret on my chest heavy with burden.
I've always loved him, the dove of my heart, when my eyes first laid upon his countenance blazing from ambition and deep with emotion. I gave my life to him when glancing in his way with love at first sight. How can I let it all go? Should I pretend nothing hinders us for long to calm the fears he may find? Perhaps I should keep silent. Perhaps I-
"Jonathan."
I blinked. The musings and contemplations faded to the voice my ears caught. My head had been fogged up with thoughts to the point I forgot where I sat on the roof. Night fell and the darkness clouded my vision when searching for whoever called my name. I squinted my eyes and to my surprise spotted a familiar figure standing about a cubit away from my hand rested on the mudbrick. The sight of him pricked me to wave away whatever horrible thought had been conflicting my loyalties. Now I've dug the hole I wish to bury myself under the good I should promise unto my beloved between us.
I continued to sit and stare at David drawing up to my side with a smirk threading across his face. His auburn hair glowing against the darkness flashed a faint flame in the moonlight once he stepped into full view for me to be entranced by his beauty and elegance in stature.
The warrior glanced down with raised brows. "Mhm, thinking? I've been calling your name but you wouldn't answer. I suppose you were busy with your thoughts."
I exchanged my glance back while surprised for not hearing my name being called. How deep had my musings been? "Forgive me, dear brother, my head has tangled me into a musing I got lost in."
I twisted my whole body to find him nodding. "I see." He plopped himself beside me and laid an arm around my shoulders soothing the aches that squeezed my head of the thoughts I forged.
My eyes drooped to the comfort he shed. I pressed my side against him, not letting the moment go. We talked throughout the night with my gaze deep into his eyes stringing me hope and love for our undivided covenants knitting our hearts into one. His voice, a melodic tone, cradled my heart and chased off the worries I held. Every once and a while, I would breathe in his words wrapping around my ears, unbearable to forget how much means to me. The comfort. The love. It's all too overwhelming. Perhaps I should shove the shadow my father has loomed and forget it.
The desperation to assure our place at this time clutched. Let it all be good, as I should have concluded from the start of my musings. I smiled, without worry or care, and lunged in for a kiss to remind my lover that everything will be alright as long we are together. Why shouldn't I? I've fallen for the one who has snatched my loyalty and my life, so should I not let it all go but cherish it.