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The Great Shovel-Spoon Debate

Summary:

Chargebolt has entered the chat.

[00:06] Chargebolt: hey guys
[00:06] Chargebolt: hear me out
[00:07] Chargebolt: what if shovels
[00:07] Chargebolt: are actually _spoons_

Earphone Jack has entered the chat.

[00:07] Earphone Jack: i'm gonna stop you right there, chief.

Notes:

huzzah for chatfics, an abundance of crack, and a lack of common sense.

this is inspired by/is a parody of Are Shovels spoons? (objection.lol) by Redracer2006 on YouTube. this is pretty much just me trying out a workskin i made and i needed something as a template so i went with a dumb debate. plus, dumb debates are fun(ny), and this is one of my favorites. i admit i got too carried away and made this longer than it should be

i hope you enjoy (also, tell me if the links are acting funky. same with the formatting)

(note: their handles are their Hero names)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

U.A. High School Chat Portal
HE11 - Hero Course Class-1A

Chargebolt has entered the chat.

[00:06] Chargebolt: hey guys
[00:06] Chargebolt: hear me out
[00:07] Chargebolt: what if shovels
[00:07] Chargebolt: are actually _spoons_

Earphone Jack has entered the chat.

[00:07] Earphone Jack: i'm gonna stop you right there, chief.
[00:07] Chargebolt: dude you dont get it
[00:07] Chargebolt: they look almost the same and function the same as well
[00:07] Chargebolt: shovels are just megasized spoons!
[00:08] Earphone Jack: they are not.
[00:08] Earphone Jack: shovels and spoons have two extremely different purposes.

Deku has entered the chat.

[00:08] Deku: whats going on here?
[00:09] Earphone Jack: chargedolt thinks shovels are spoons.
[00:09] Chargebolt: they basically are!!
[00:09] Deku: hold on Jirō-san i think hes on to something
[00:09] Chargebolt: _YES_
[00:09] Deku: theyre both shaped the same with a head-scoop and a handle
[00:10] Deku: and they both pick up items and transfer them somewhere else
[00:10] Earphone Jack: but spoons are for food and shovels are for making holes!

Cellophane has entered the chat.

[00:10] Cellophane: Is this a "shovels are actually spoons" debate?
[00:10] Deku: yes
[00:10] Earphone Jack: no because shovels are not spoons
[00:11] Cellophane: Can I join in?
[00:11] Deku: sure
[00:11] Chargebolt: heck yeah
[00:11] Earphone Jack: no because theres nothing to debate about since shovels are not freaking spoons!!
[00:12] Cellophane: Shovels are clearly not spoons.
[00:12] Cellophane: They're two separate objects that have no relation to one another since they both serve different purposes.
[00:12] Earphone Jack: thank whoever is above that gave Sero a damned braincell.
[00:12] Chargebolt: hold on there buddy ol pal
[00:13] Chargebolt: let me take what jirōjack said and turn it on its head
[00:13] Chargebolt: shovels _can_ be used for food
[00:13] Chargebolt: ever read roald dahls the bfg
[00:13] Deku: nope
[00:13] Earphone Jack: i've seen the movie
[00:13] Cellophane: I haven't seen the movie but I've read the book
[00:13] Chargebolt: same
[00:14] Chargebolt: so get this
[00:14] Chargebolt: for the bfg to eat when he went to london, he used a shovel to eat his food
[00:14] Chargebolt: therefore shovels can function as spoons, and therefore shovels _are_ spoons!
[00:14] Earphone Jack: but he's the Big Friendly Giant
[00:14] Earphone Jack: there's no spoon on earth big enough for him so they had to adjust
[00:18] Chargebolt: comically large spoons exist, jirōjack!
[00:18] Chargebolt: they could have used that, but no
[00:19] Chargebolt: they used a _shovel_ because shovels are really spoons!
[00:20] Cellophane: Hold on a minute.
[00:20] Cellophane: What about the other utensils?
[00:20] Cellophane: He used a pitchfork because it's a fork and a sword because it's a knife.
[00:20] Deku: ive never seen the movie nor read the book where did they get a sword for a knife?
[00:20] Cellophane: They didn't use a shovel as a spoon because it is a spoon, they used it as a spoon because they have no other choice.
[00:24] Chargebolt: did you not read what you just typed?
[00:24] Chargebolt: pitchfork is a fork
[00:24] Chargebolt: sword is a knife
[00:24] Chargebolt: so in the end
[00:24] Earphone Jack: shovel is not spoon.
[00:25] Chargebolt: no no wait listen to me
[00:39] Chargebolt: ah ha!
[00:39] Chargebolt: a regular sized person eating food with a shovel!
[00:41] Earphone Jack: What The Hell?
[00:41] Deku: is that man eating ice cream with a shovel?
[00:41] Chargebolt: that man is eating ice cream with a multi-purpose tactical shovel! it counts!
[00:41] Deku: yes!
[00:41] Deku: more proof!
[00:41] Deku: shovels are spoons!
[00:42] Cellophane: Well I guess that ends this discussion…
[00:42] Cellophane: You guys win this round.
[01:34] Earphone Jack: everyone get off of idle and come back in here.
[01:34] Earphone Jack: i have proof that shovels are not spoons!
[01:34] Earphone Jack: they're not, simply because the definition of spoon and the definition of shovel contradict your so-called argument! TAKE THAT!
[01:36] Chargebolt: oh yeah
[01:36] Chargebolt: tell us miss jirōjack, what are the definitions of spoon and shovel
[01:37] Earphone Jack: lexico.com defines a shovel as A tool resembling a spade with a broad blade and typically upturned sides, used for moving coal, earth, snow, or other material.
[01:37] Earphone Jack: or
[01:37] Earphone Jack: A machine or part of a machine having a shape or function similar to that of a shovel.
[01:38] Earphone Jack: a spoon meanwhile is An implement consisting of a small, shallow oval or round bowl on a long handle, used for eating, stirring, and serving food.
[01:40] Cellophane: See guys. Simple as that.
[01:41] Cellophane: Shovels are not spoons.
[01:41] Chargebolt: aw man
[01:41] Chargebolt: and i had a compelling argument too
[01:45] Deku: wait
[01:45] Earphone Jack: ???
[01:45] Deku: we got it all wrong
[01:45] Deku: its not shovels are spoons

Tsukuyomi has entered the chat.

[01:45] Tsukuyomi: Spoons are actually shovels.

Tsukuyomi has left the chat.

[01:45] Cellophane: I'm glad that you guys are acceoh god fricking damn it
[01:45] Deku: damn he beat me to it
[01:45] Earphone Jack: for frick's sake.
[01:45] Chargebolt: _TOKOYAMI FOR THE WIN_
[01:46] Earphone Jack: okay so the argument has changed.
[01:46] Earphone Jack: the debate is no longer are shovels spoons?
[01:46] Earphone Jack: the debate is now are spoons shovels?
[01:46] Earphone Jack: is that correct?
[01:47] Cellophane: Pretty much?
[01:47] Earphone Jack: god, why does shinsō want to be in the hero course so bad?
[01:47] Earphone Jack: half of 1a is dumb as rocks.
[01:47] Earphone Jack: he's better than this.
[01:47] Chargebolt: _hey_
[01:47] Earphone Jack: no offense midoriya, sero.
[01:47] Chargebolt: _HEY_
[01:49] Chargebolt: if im dumb as rocks then how come i have a valid argument with several pieces of evidence to prove that spoons are indeed shovels? hmmm?????
[01:50] Earphone Jack: you know what?
[01:50] Earphone Jack: it's nearly two am.
[01:50] Earphone Jack: i have nothing to lose.
[01:50] Earphone Jack: and it's my fault for entertaining you.
[01:50] Earphone Jack: lay it on thick, chief.
[01:50] Chargebolt: hold on let me backread zzzjskzzsnjfns
[02:01] Chargebolt: TAKE THAT!
[02:01] Cellophane: I'm loving the slight influx of Ace Attorney references.
[02:01] Chargebolt: jirōjack you mentioned that shovels are for making holes, correct
[02:01] Earphone Jack: yeah why?
[02:01] Chargebolt: heres the thing
[02:02] Chargebolt: spoons can _also_ be used to dig holes
[02:02] Earphone Jack: what kind of person uses a spoon to dig holes in their food?
[02:02] Deku: not just food Jirō-san
[02:02] Deku: you can use a spoon to dig a hole in the ground
[02:02] Deku: its probably just gonna take longer
[02:02] Deku: even then a hole is still a hole no matter what the size or how long youll take to make it
[02:02] Deku: a spoon can act easily like a shovel
[02:03] Cellophane: Hold it!
[02:03] Cellophane: Shovels are most commonly used for moving snow, dirt, sand, stone, etc.
[02:03] Cellophane: Sure you can use spoons to dig holes,
[02:03] Cellophane: but you don't use shovels to eat food, the primary purpose of a spoon!
[02:03] Cellophane: And spoons aren't meant to dig!

Uravity has entered the chat.

[02:03] Uravity: Well have you ever heard of the phrase dig in?
[02:03] Earphone Jack: uraraka nooooooooo...
[02:03] Uravity: Have you heard of people shovelling food inside their mouth?
[02:03] Uravity: Dig? Shovelling? By using a spoon???
[02:04] Uravity: Spoons can be used to transfer a pile of something to somewhere else, much like shovels.
[02:04] Uravity: You can use spoons to dig holes into your food!
[02:04] Uravity: Spoons are shovels!!

Red Riot has entered the chat.

[02:04] Red Riot: u dont dig into soup tho
[02:04] Uravity: This argument isn't about soup
[02:04] Red Riot: it kinda is???????
[02:04] Red Riot: soup is food
[02:04] Uravity: But foods are solid. Soup is not solid.
[02:04] Uravity: It's more of a drink than anything.
[02:04] Chargebolt: thats an argument to be saved for another date guys
[02:05] Chargebolt: right now were trying to prove that spoons are actually shovels
[02:05] Red Riot: oh rly?
[02:05] Red Riot: obviously theyre not
[02:05] Earphone Jack: i take it all back.
[02:05] Earphone Jack: kaminari you're not dumb as rocks.
[02:06] Earphone Jack: kirishima has a brain since he clearly knows spoons are not freaking shovels.
[02:06] Earphone Jack: you're dumb as balls.
[02:06] Chargebolt: _HEY_
[02:06] Red Riot: spoons have a round head
[02:06] Red Riot: shovels are pointy, and they look like spades
[02:06] Earphone Jack: oh my god.
[02:06] Cellophane: I never thought of it like that.
[02:06] Earphone Jack: neither did i, and i was the one who brought up their definitions wth
[02:07] Deku: but that doesn't matter since by definition a shovel can be something that looks like a shovel
[02:07] Deku: spoons look like shovels!
[02:07] Red Riot: where have u seen a pointy headed spoon
[02:07] Chargebolt: uhhh a gardening trowel
[02:07] Chargebolt: duh
[02:07] Cellophane: What the hell is that?
[02:07] Uravity: You mean a hand shovel, right?
[02:08] Deku: dont you call those things spades?
[02:08] Earphone Jack: who the hell calls them trowels?
[02:08] Chargebolt: _i do_
[02:08] Chargebolt: never mind that
[02:08] Chargebolt: trowels are like spoons with pointy heads
[02:08] Chargebolt: and theyre technically shovels
[02:09] Deku: so spoons are trowels are shovels?
[02:09] Uravity: Makes lots of sense!
[02:09] Earphone Jack: more like zero.
[02:09] Chargebolt: besides
[02:09] Chargebolt: dirt is food for the plant
[02:09] Deku: actually the food for the plan is within the dirt
[02:09] Chargebolt: same difference
[02:10] Chargebolt: and that means that you _do_ use shovels to dig food!
[02:10] Earphone Jack: hold on kaminari.
[02:10] Earphone Jack: you're missing one important detail.
[02:10] Chargebolt: and what is huh now???

Tsukuyomi entered the chat.

[02:10] Tsukuyomi: Spoons are utensils. Shovels are hand tools.

Tsukuyomi has left the chat.

[02:10] Chargebolt: _hey whose side are you on???_
[02:10] Earphone Jack: stop stealing our freaking thunder and join in on the conversation already!
[02:10] Earphone Jack: anyway that's why spoons and shovels are not the same thing.
[02:11] Uravity: What are you going on about?
[02:11] Uravity: Spades are garden utensils.
[02:11] Cellophane: What the hell?
[02:11] Uravity: Spoons are kitchen utensils.
[02:11] Red Riot: what the heck is a garden utensil????
[02:11] Deku: whatever it is, its a utensil you can use in a garden
[02:11] Cellophane: You don't use utensils for gardening!
[02:12] Chargebolt: but uraraka-chan just established that yes you can, as long as its the right kind of utensil
[02:12] Earphone Jack: there's no such thing as garden utensil.
[02:12] Chargebolt: a trowel is a garden utensil
[02:12] Earphone Jack: no one says trowel!
[02:12] Red Riot: i forgot to say this earlier but i do
[02:12] Chargebolt: _trowel buddies!!_
[02:13] Cellophane: Hold it!
[02:13] Cellophane: Check this out.
[02:13] Cellophane: It's from the same site Jirō-san got her definitions.
[02:13] Cellophane: There's a distinct difference between a utensil and a tool!
[02:13] Cellophane: Lexico dot com calls a utensil "a tool, container, or other article, especially for household use," while they call a hand tool "a tool held in the hand and operated without electricity or other power."
[02:13] Cellophane: Case. Closed.
[02:16] Chargebolt: _AH HA_
[02:17] Chargebolt: you operate a hand tool without any electricity and is held by hand, and a utensil is clearly defined as a tool!!!!
[02:17] Earphone Jack: sero you idiot you gave them an opening
[02:17] Cellophane: i am so sorry
[02:17] Chargebolt: _IN FRICKING CONCLUSION!!_
[02:17] Chargebolt: spoons are shovels
[02:17] Chargebolt: spoons are hand utensils
[02:18] Deku: spoons look similar enough to a shovel and have the same properties
[02:18] Uravity: They're connected via hand shovels!
[02:18] Chargebolt: by definition _alone_
[02:18] Chargebolt: spoons
[02:18] Chargebolt: are
[02:18] Chargebolt: shovels
[02:20] Red Riot: wow
[02:25] Earphone Jack: you win.
[02:25] Earphone Jack: congratulations, team spoons are shovels.
[02:25] Earphone Jack: good game guys.
[20:25] Red Riot: honestly that was a super intense and extremely manly debate
[20:25] Uravity: I know right! ^^
[02:25] Cellophane: Let's do that again sometime.
[02:26] Deku: no hard feelings alright?
[02:26] Cellophane: None at all!
[02:26] Uravity: All right!
[02:26] Cellophane: That was actually pretty fun, trying to debate with you guys.
[02:26] Cellophane: Although I still have a few arguments up my sleeve...
[02:26] Earphone Jack: ...
[02:26] Deku: uh oh
[02:27] Uravity: So...
[02:27] Uravity: Soup is actually a drink next?

Earphone Jack has left the chat.

Notes:

i hope you enjoyed that. that was chaos for me to write and format. again, this is inspired by Are shovels Spoons? by Redracer2006. check it out if you'd like and fall down a rabbit hole of objection.lol videos like i did

also tell me if there's anything wrong with my formating. i'm trying to make a chat portal thingy that is viewable on mobile for personal reasons and i need to iron out the kinks. thank you for reading!