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“So, I’m planning a trip up to New York,” Sam said, aiming for a casual tone as he accepted the milk jug Sarah unpacked from the grocery bag.
“Oh yeah?” She raised an eyebrow, and her cheeks swelled with a smirk that said, I see right through you, Bro.
“Yeah,” Sam shrugged. “I thought I could take the boys with me, you know, show them around. Get some quality-Uncle-Sam-time with them.” She started handing over the produce and Sam gratefully ducked into the fridge to rearrange the drawers.
“And, what, leave me behind?” Sarah asked, moving toward the pantry with an armful of cereals and crackers. “I don’t get quality-Brother-Sam-time too?”
“That’s not it. I just thought you might appreciate a break, you know? Time off from being ‘Mom’.” Sam stood up, leaning over the fridge door to see Sarah’s eyes when he asked, “When was the last time you had that? I know you don’t take vacations often, and when you do, you’ve still got the boys to look after.”
“And what about you?” Sarah put her hands on her hips and lifted her chin up at him in a way so reminiscent of their mother it made Sam grin. “Going from saving the world to saving the business,” Sarah went on, grabbing up the bag of fresh fruit to empty it on the counter, putting her back to him, “and now you’re Captain America too? I take breaks plenty. When’s yours?”
“Come on, Sarah.” Sam closed the fridge and rounded the island to stand at her side. “I know the last break you had was the week you sent the boys to camp last summer. That was just after Martha passed. You were over at Carlos’ place the whole time.” Sarah paused in arranging peaches and bananas, a misty far away look taking her eyes for a moment. It had been a hard time for the community, and Sam had still been dust.
“That ain’t a vacation,” Sam said softly. “Besides, spending time with my nephews isn’t a chore. I missed so much, I’ma jump on every opportunity to enjoy the time I’ve got with them. That’s vacation for me.”
“Mhm,” Sarah smiled ruefully. “See if you’re saying that after five hours in the airport with them.” She turned away from him, going for the last bag of cleaning supplies on the kitchen floor. “Your argument’s only provin’ we’re cut from the same cloth. I know there’s other people you could be spendin’ your free time with not sacrificing your vacation for my benefit.”
“I’m… Sarah. I’m really… I’m not sacrificing anything here.” Sam shook his head, leaning on the counter and crossing his arms defensively. “I… have other motives— selfish motives. Really. I’m askin’.” He raised his eyes tentatively to meet her openly curious expression. “Can I take the boys to New York?”
“What’s goin’ on? What’s got you all tongue tied, stutterin’ mess, hmm?”
“I… I um…” Sam scratched his cheek and looked away again quickly. “I got a date— well, he didn’t call it a date. Just, you know, dinner. But a mutual friend’s offered to watch the boys, so it’ll be just us— She’s amazing and I trust her with my life,” Sam quickly assured Sarah, holding up a hand to ward off any protest at leaving her babies with a stranger. “Really, the boys‘ll have a blast, and they’ll be safer with her than anywhere on the planet!”
“A date?” Sarah asked, skipping over any accusations to latch onto the juicy news. “Is this with who I think it’s with?”
Sam bit his lip, letting it slip between his teeth slowly and his expression seemed to be answer enough. Sarah’s mouth dropped open then curved up into a smile.
“No way! He really… I didn’t know if he had it in him.” Sarah turned around to put the bottles of soap and sponges under the kitchen sink.
“It might not be a date,” Sam said quickly.
“Dinner and a babysitter? Sounds like a date,” Sarah called over her shoulder.
Sam looked up at the ceiling and let out a long breath. ”Yeah,” he agreed softly, half to himself. “Yeah it kinda does.” When he looked back towards Sarah she had straightened up to give him a raised eyebrow. “I don’t want to put a lot of pressure on it though,” Sam explained his hesitancy. “You know, maybe it won’t work out. I’m giving it a chance—I’d like us both to give it a chance… if… if he’s up for that.”
“Oh Sammy,” her face softened. “I haven’t seen you this nervous since you were goin’ to meet Riley’s family for the first time.”
“Shit.” Sam took a deep breath and scrubbed his palms over his face. The worst part was, Sarah was right. He felt the same clenched anxiety in his stomach about dinner with Bucky that he’d gotten before going to Riley’s 4th of July party. He’d ended up standing stiff as a board for most of the night, too worried of making a wrong step or saying the wrong thing. Sam let out the breath slowly, willing his body to relax.
“I just…” He said, “I want it to work, like… a lot more than I thought I would. It’s just, there’s so much history. It’s a lot to get past, what with the shield and his expectations. I don’t know if I can live up to what he and Steve wanted me to be. I don’t know if I should.”
“You sure it’s expectations and not faith?” Sarah asked crossing the room to put comforting hands on his arms, rubbing them gently.
“Same difference if I let him down— if I let everyone down,” Sam muttered softly.
“Expectations makes it sound like he wants to change you. You deserve better than someone that’s trying to change you into something you’re not,” Sarah said with a frown and a furrowed brow. She squeezed his shoulders. “Faith means he likes you just the way you are.”
“I don’t know which it is with him. I thought I did, but… then everything with Karli, and… he surprises me.”
“So go find out,” Sarah said and shook him gently. “Take a chance.”
“Yeah?” Sam looked up at her.
“Go,” Sarah said, stepping back and turning toward the cupboard looking for a pan. “Take the boys to New York. Have a good time. Get your man.”
“He ain’t my man yet.”
“Oh, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He is.”
“Sarah,” Sam said in a warning tone.
“I’m not gonna rib him about it till you bring him round and introduce him proper,” She assured him with a dismissive wave over her shoulder. “But then he’s family, and all bets are off. Now go tell the boys the good news. I’m tired of fielding Uncle Bucky questions.”
“Tell me they do not call him that!” Sam demanded, mouth hanging open.
“They sure do. So you better catch up and snag him before he gets away from you again.”
“Oh my god, you’re worse than Mom ever was.”
“Are you kidding? She never would have let him leave the first time.”
“Thank you, Sarah.” Sam said, coming up behind her to put a kiss on her cheek.
“You’re taking my boys out of the state so I can put my feet up and enjoy long bubble baths drinking wine and reading trashy romance novels, but you’re the one thanking me?” Sarah looked over her shoulder to see Sam smiling wide as he left the room, dark eyes shining with excitement they hadn’t held in a long time. Sarah sighed contentedly and sent a silent prayer that all her brother’s fragile hopes wouldn’t come to nothing.