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I’ll x Be x Joining x You x Soon

Summary:

You can hold my hand
If no one's home

You hold my hand as if my skin is nothing like the human you must assume I am, yet you say nothing of it. There’s no Pouf to try to take you away, no Youpi to lie about you. There’s not even Pitou, though she did obey my command with healing you. Your hand fits in mine like two jagged pieces of a ceramic. A piece of art never completed prior, but now that they are together you can tell they should never be separated again. And they won’t be, we won’t be.


Line Without A Hook songfic in Meruem’s perspective about Komugi. It’s set during their last scene

Notes:

Tw cannon character deaths and mentions of violence

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me

When we're alone

 

As if you ever really touch me, never without permission, never without me commanding you to. But now, now it’s not a command, but a request. Not from your Dear Leader but from Meruem to you. And if anyone is dear in this… relationship , it is you. I never cared before for you to touch me, and I know that should not be in my nature. Yet I still asked you to hold my hand. The only times we have gotten the chance to touch, are when we are alone. Precisely twice, when I found you hurt. When I failed to protect you. And now, in this small dark room, though the lack of light makes no difference to you. It does not seem so pitch black with you in the room. 

 

You can hold my hand

If no one's home

 

You hold my hand as if my skin is nothing like the human you must assume I am, yet you say nothing of it. There’s no Pouf to try to take you away, no Youpi to lie about you. There’s not even Pitou, though she did obey my command with healing you. Your hand fits in mine like two jagged pieces of a ceramic. A piece of art never completed prior, but now that they are together you can tell they should never be separated again. And they won’t be, we won’t be. 

 

Do you like it when I'm away?

 

Was it better for you before my rein on humanity? Were you happier playing Gungi with people like you? People who actually had a chance at beating you? However, you were not better off with the intruders, even if that one woman was understanding of my care for you. I can not help but wonder if you cried of happiness before you met me, or if playing together truly does fill you with the joy you claim it does. I do not believe you have it in you to lie.

 

If I went and hurt my body, baby

Would you love me the same?

 

You were not with me after I was in the explosion, my body blackened and my limbs gone. You did not hear me begging for the bodies of my royal guard, desperate for their lives. However, you were there when I ripped my arm off. You were the reason I harmed myself, and I would do it again if you asked me to. Though, I know you would never ask that of anyone, even me. You did not ask me of it in the first place, you were held dear in my heart before I realized it. If I had gotten rid of both arms, if I were unable to play Gungi with you, would you still spend time with me? Would you still die with me?

 

I can feel all my bones coming back

And I'm craving motion

Mama never really learns how to live by herself

 

I was only with my mother for a moment, only a few breaths before I was leaving for my feast. I was heartless then, and though I am not the same creature I was then, I always need to bite down my cruelty. Around you at least. I never want to hurt you, I want to live with you, keep you safe like unlike I have been doing lately. I want to be the leader you think me as. 

 

It's a curse

And it's growing

You're a pond and I'm an ocean

 

The more time I spend with you, the more games we play, the more I lose, the more in awe of you I am. I was born believing humanity was a lesser species, purely sustenance, but you Komugi have shown me the depth there can be. No matter how many games I lose, I learn more. Even when I’m sure I have found a way to checkmate you, you always find a way out. You even found an escape to the killer of your ‘baby.’ You astound me more than any other being, Chimera or not. 

 

Oh, all my emotions

Feel like explosions when you are around

And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh

 

No matter how many lies and half truths Pouf and Youpi told me, I knew something was missing. I knew someone was missing from my heart, even if I did not realize it was you at first. I would not rest until I knew what I was forgetting, and the second I remembered, I would not quit until I found you again. I would only bow down like a servant over you, for to save you. 

 

Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you

I need you here to stay

 

I repeat your name every few seconds, because we both know we don’t know when it will be my last. “Komugi, are you there?” I ask it again and again, as if you could have abandoned me without me knowing. You would never do that. No matter how many times I repeat my inquiry, your answer is always the same. I need you to stay, and you are. Until the end. 

 

I broke all my bones that day I found you

Crying at the lake

Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden?

 

What did I do to make you think you could not call for help when you’re fatally injured? If I had not found you, Pitou may not have been able to save you. What did I do to make you think that waking others is a risk so great that death is a greater option? If I had more than tonight, I would spend the rest of my days showing you that you are not a burden. You may be the master at Gungi, but this is one thing I am capable of teaching you. 

 

Oh, and if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

I said no (I said no), I said no (I said no)

Listen close, it's a no

 

If I could change my actions from the moment I was born, I would find you sooner. I would spend all my time with you, because our ending is too soon. I have never even won a single game, but nothing could be more precious than losing to you. There is no better end than your triumph. If I could change anything, I would make sure you’re safe. Not just from the intruders, but from the Chimera’s too, especially Pouf. 

 

The wind is a-pounding on my back

And I found hope in a heart attack

Oh at last, it is past

Now I've got it, and you can't have it

 

I was born knowing my purpose, even before I was birthed I knew what I was meant to be, what I am. I was born with the destiny of greatness, of a dictatorship under the title of a monarchy. And you changed all that, you changed me and my future. You taught me what a ruler should be, a protector. Someone strong to protect the weak, those who deserve to live more than anyone but are incapable of protecting themselves. Those like you. 

 

Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you

I need you here to stay

I broke all my bones that day I found you

Crying at the lake

 

If it were not for you, I would not have lasted this long. There would be no heart to be crushed by the fists of my enemies, just a gaping hole waiting to be filled. I would have been dead before the poison ever got near me. You turned me from a creature of death to someone who only wants to love you. 

 

Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh

And if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide

 

If I could change the course of my life, I would treat you better from the start. I may be King but you are more of a Queen than anyone I have met. If I could have lived even one more day, I would have made you my bride. If that is what you would have wanted. I would have given you everything. But all we have is tonight, right now. Just one game of Gungi. 

 

Darling, when I'm fast asleep

I've seen this person watching me

Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?" Oh

 

You are worth the pain, the dying, everything. I would take it all again, rip off all my limbs, be exploded endlessly if it meant I were with you. I would poke out my own eyes if it meant I could still hear your voice. 

 

Guess there is something, and there is nothing

There is nothing in between

 

There is no inbetween, either joy with you or emptiness without you. Death is where you are not, this is not death. This is you showing me life, even if my clock is running out of battery. You know your own clock is slowing, and you do not hesitate to comfort my own worries with no thought toward your own demise. Even when I am nothing more than Meruem, you treat me better than a mere Dear Leader. You treat me with love. 

 

And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer

Watching over me, he's singing

"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"

 

You are the most extraordinary being I have ever had the privilege of being around. Your mannerisms may seem lowly to Chimera, however your intelligence and strategy is far beyond what I am able to achieve. Your care for even those who hurt you is beyond what I knew was possible. Love is not weakness with you, it is your strength. I am but an ant, something meant to be squashed. The Chimera are creatures of magnificence, but compared to you I am just an insect. 

 

He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"

 

There is no reason for you to treat me as you do. This is more than obedience or even complete dedication, this is something I had never experienced before. This is perhaps even stronger than how my mother had felt towards me, and immensely more than how Pouf or even Pitou felt towards me. I have no qualities worth your attention, I am a loser compared to you. Yet you hold my hand until the end. You never cease to perplex me. 

 

Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you

I need you here to stay

 

“I shall wake up shortly… will you stay by my side until then?” That is the most unsure I have ever sounded in my life. 

 

“I’ve never left your side. Don’t worry, we’ll always be together.” Her voice is more soothing than even Pouf’s violin. Her voice is more addicting than the most delectable Chimera to consume.

 

I broke all my bones that day I found you

Crying at the lake

 

“Komugi…”

“Yes, yes, what is it?”

“Thank you…” She deserves to be thanked more than just once. I would thank her until my last breath if I had the time. If there is a next life, I will complete that quest. 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh

 

“Will you-” “yes?” “Will you say my name… one last time?” Just Meruem, no Dear Leader, no King, no Highness, no formalities. Just your Meruem.

 

And if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide

 

“Goodnight Meruem. It’ll be alright. I’ll be joining you soon.”

 

Notes:

Komugi and Meruem’s last scene made me cry harder than any other scene in hxh and the anime made me cry a lOt. I absolutely adore them and I was determined to try to write for them even if I don’t exactly know how to do the characterization. I’m sorry if Meruem sounds OOC, I was not sure how to get his way of speech correctly.
Thank you for reading :)

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