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T + 2 MINUTES, 58 SECONDS
‘No,’ Alex Drake said conclusively, seemingly apropos of nothing.
‘I didn’t say anything!’ was Gene’s bemused reply.
‘I know what you’re thinking and the answer’s no.’
‘Oh do enlighten me Mystic Meg.’
‘You’re thinking about putting on the lights and siren so we don’t have to sit in this traffic jam.’
Alex and Gene were both sat in the Quattro which itself was hemmed in on all four sides by other vehicles; out of the windows was nothing but a sea of metal. Had they not known they could’ve been anywhere in the world.
‘Lucky guess,’ said Gene. ‘Suppose you’re gonna say that it’s down to your incredible power of psychiatry?’
‘It’s psychology, and it’s not my fault you’re incredibly predictable.’
‘I am not.’
‘Yes you are.’
‘Am not.’
‘Are…’ Alex stopped herself, realising precisely what he was doing. ‘God you are such a child.’
‘Am not,’ Gene goaded her again but Alex simply folded her arms.
Gene, therefore, huffed but ultimately relented.
Barely a moment had passed when suddenly Gene lunged towards the passenger footwell. Instantly Alex raised her legs, her thighs blocking his efforts and as a result Alex and Gene began to tussle like school kids.
‘Oh come on, it’s right under your feet, just let me get it!’
‘No! Get off! You’re not having it!’
Gene gave up once more, retreating back into his seat.
‘Why the bloody hell not?!’
‘Because we’re off duty. It would be an abuse of our powers as police officers.’ Alex said in that precious, sanctimonious way that annoyed Gene no end.
‘What’s the point of being a copper if you don’t get to abuse your powers every once in a while?’
‘I’ll pretend you didn’t say that Chief Inspector.’
‘Oh don’t get so high and mighty Bols. You know I don’t mean corruption, just little perks of the job that’s all.’
‘Doesn’t work like that, the Manc Lion has to sit in this jam just like the rest of us.’
‘You want to sit in this traffic for god knows how long just to teach me a lesson?’
‘Maybe. Maybe I’m just a sadist,’ she quipped.
‘Wouldn’t surprise me,’ Gene muttered under his breath.
‘It’s not like it’s going to make any difference, it’s chock-a, that’s Park Lane for you. It’s always congested this time of day but it always clear up again just as quickly. Have a little bit of patience will you?’
‘Suppose you’d know.’
‘Know what?’
‘I may not be from around these parts but I know my way around a Monopoly board, this is where all the poshos live. Just across the park is Buck House. You probably go around for tea and scones with Brenda and the gang.’
Alex wouldn’t rise to his jibbing, she didn’t want to have to admit that she didn’t have any friends — posh or otherwise — in this tiny little world of hers. There was only her workmates but no one outside of CID. She had been here for months now though, she could’ve made new friends, but what would’ve been the point? She thought she was going home, creating attachments to people in this world would distract her and she knew now how hard it would be to let Shaz and Chris and even Ray go. As for Gene, she couldn’t imagine a world without him, but if that’s what it took to get back to Molly then she would have to steel herself for the pain.
T + 7 MINUTES, 45 SECONDS
‘Right I’m gonna find out what the hold up is, this is bloody ridiculous.’ Gene picked up his police radio from the centre console and depressed the little orange button to speak. ‘Viv?
The voice that crackled in reply caught Gene off-guard.
‘No sir, it’s Sergeant Mathers,’ a soft voice spoke. ‘Sergeant James has clocked off for the day.’
Gene’s voice turned timid and shaken. ’Oh right, umm… never mind then…’
Alex stared at him, perplexed at his uncharacteristic turn.
‘What was all that about? Simon could’ve told you about the jam just as easily as Viv could.’
Alex went to reach for the radio but Gene batted her away.
‘No don’t touch it!’ he said stuffing it in his door pull far out of Alex’s reach.
‘Gene! What’s gotten into you?
‘It’s nothing. Wouldn’t matter anyway. Just leave it alright?’
‘Alright, fine.’
He was clearly rattled, and Alex was determined to know why, but she knew that she would have to take a cautious approach and tease the answer out of him.
T + 13 MINUTES, 12 SECONDS
‘Why did we have go to Oxford Street?’ Gene mused, irritatingly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
‘You know perfectly well why. Because you were too bloody lazy to get Chris and Shaz an engagement present.’
‘I said “congratulations” what more do they want?’
‘No you didn’t. You slapped Chris on the back and said “More fool you, son”,’ Alex scalded him. ‘No wonder you’re divorced.’
Gene glared at her. Alex instantly regretted blurting it out, for souring the atmosphere knowing that he couldn’t even kick her out even if he’d wanted to.
‘Marriage is a racket,’ he glumly replied.
‘Doesn’t have to be,’ she said sincerely, being slightly more candid than she’d have liked.
Gene craned his neck to the back seats where a bouquet of flowers were resting. ’These flowers’ll be wilted if we’re stuck here any longer.’
‘Stop being so dramatic.’
‘Me dramatic? You were the one who insisted on going in every shop until you found the perfect present.’
‘Because Gene, it gives young lovers hope that they won’t end up like jaded divorcees like us.’
Had she ever told him she was divorced? Alex wondered, Gene’s raised eyebrow, suggested that she had in fact not. She must’ve done once. She must’ve blurted it out when she was drunk, or when they were both drunk, both musing on their failed marriages.
‘They’re not even married yet and you’ve splashed out on a bottle of Bollinger for them!’ Gene said, glossing over the revelation.
‘Dom Pérignon. Philistine,’ she teased. ‘It’s a celebration! And it’s Chris and Shaz, those two were made for each other. If anyone can prove us wrong it’ll be them.’
T + 20 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS
‘This is bloody typical. Why did I ever leave Manchester for this shit hole?’
‘Do you mind? This is my hometown you’re slagging off. Our capital city.’
‘Oh great another lecture, now I suppose you’re gonna tell me how London is oh so special and important. I’ll tell you what London is, London is an up-his-arse, privately-educated yuppie that can’t smell the stench of his own farts!’
‘Eloquent as ever Professor Hunt.’ Alex said. ‘Manchester isn’t so different you know. You lot are just as snobby. You think that because your dad had a hard life “working down t’pip” that the north is some bastion of honest, hardworking people. I’m going to say two words to you: urban regeneration.’
‘What’s that some new song by Duran Duran?’
‘What? No, it’s… doesn’t matter.’
Gene smirked thinking he had won the argument.
‘So are you going to tell me why you don’t like Simon?’
‘Nope.’
‘What was it? Put too few sugars in your tea? Made you actually fill in paperwork for once?’
‘Leave it Bolly!’
‘Touched a nerve?’ Alex said. ‘Oh come on, it’ll drive me mad. How about I show you mine if you show me yours? Metaphorically speaking. You tell me why you don’t like Sarge and I’ll tell you something you want to know about me.’
‘Anything?’
‘Within reason, but you only get one shot.’
‘Umm, that does sound temping.’
‘So?’
‘Fine, I need to tell someone anyway,’ Gene said gravely. ‘I’ve been noticing that he was getting far too handsy with one of the girls in accounting.’
‘“Handsy”? You grabbed my breast the day we met!’
‘You started it! Rubbing my chest like you were about to go down on me, dressed as a prozzie. You were giving very mixed signals. Besides I knew even then that you could handle yourself.’
‘Oh well that’s alright then,’ Alex said in an exaggeratedly sarcastic manner.
‘That was supposed to be a compliment you daft mare. Bloody women.’ Gene said. ‘Whereas you see Nicole, she’s a sweet young lass, she’s tries to be polite but I can tell she’s uncomfortable.’
‘What has he actually been doing?’
‘Y’know, little things, just placing a hand on her arm or her shoulder, getting far too close to her, being overly familiar. Not be a proper gentleman.’
‘Gene Hunt giving advice on being a gentleman?’
‘Despite what you might think Bolly, I’m not a complete bastard. I like to think I look out for those who can’t look out for themselves. Men have a duty to treat women properly…’
Alex was rather touched. She had seen many sides to Gene Hunt in the past year, enough to know that underneath the tobacco-stained veneer of machismo lay a heart of gold, but for him to actually vocalise it was a welcome surprise.
‘…You are the weaker sex after all.’
‘And he’s back.’
‘Point is, Mathers can’t even show just a little bit of respect. That’s why I don’t like him.’
‘I never realised, he always seemed so sweet and innocuous I suppose.’
‘Yeah well no expects the speccy dweeb.’
‘So why haven’t you reported him?’
‘Because he just so happens to be the nephew of the Commissioner of the Police of the Metropolis. You know, you, me and every other copper in this city’s boss.’
‘Thank you.’ Alex said sarcastically, knowing perfectly well the seniority of the Police Commissioner. ‘So there’s no way of getting rid of Mathers?’
‘Perks of the job.’
‘That’s not a perk, that’s just plain nepotism.’
‘Yeah… Bastards! What’s the bloody hold up?!’ Gene shouted, honking the Quattro’s horn in anger.
‘I hate it Alex. It’s not just this station, this whole force it’s rotten and decaying and it infects everything.’
‘We’ll fight it, just like you said. We’ll fight the rot together.’
‘We’ve got to get out of this jam first.’
T + 32 MINUTES, 45 SECONDS
‘It’s fine, it’s fine,’ Alex said mainly to herself in an attempt to stave off madness. Even she was getting restless and fidgety in her seat. ‘it’s not like you and I haven’t done this before. Remember the vault at Edgehampton?’
‘How could I forget? That red basque of yours is duly stored in my memory for future reference.’
‘Charming.’
‘You know I think I preferred the vault.’
‘You’d rather be in an airtight room running out of oxygen with only a hip-flask of whisky?’
‘Exactly at least with that vault I was counting on the sweet embrace of death,’ he half-heartedly joked, not that Alex had the energy to muster even a smile.
‘We’ve been on stakeouts, we spent hours in here before,’ she said, her logical mind trying to hold onto some solace.
‘At least on a stakeout you might catch a piece of scum. We’re just stuck here.’
‘I know. The traffic’ll clear soon.’
T + 1 HOUR, 8 MINUTES, 21 SECONDS
Gene was surreptitiously looking in his side door mirror, furrowing his brow.
‘What are you thinking?’ Alex asked.
‘Not such a brilliant mind reader after all then Bolly?’ he said, not taking his eye of what he was looking at.
‘It’s because you’re concentrating, I’ve never see you do that before, it’s unsettling.’
He opened the door the tiniest crack, then a bit more. He peered round, judging how close he could open it without hitting the car beside him.
‘You’re planning a great escape.’
‘No flies on you Miss Marple.’
‘You seriously think you can get out of that gap? With your beer gut?’
‘I admit it’ll be a squeeze.’
‘How about my side?’
‘No you can’t that taxi’s parked half and inch away, doubt you can get the door open. You’re thin but you’re not that thin.’
He was, annoyingly, correct. Alex tried to open her side’s door only to find that she could only open it a sliver.
‘What’s to stop me crawling out your door, I reckon I’d have a better shot and then I’d be free of listening to you.’
‘Because it would necessitate you have to climb over me, and that cabbie’s already staring down at your tits.’
‘What?!’
Alex looked up to the taxi opposite whose driver guiltily snapped his head away from Alex and back toward the road.
‘Oh great, so I’m stuck here because I don’t want to lose my dignity.’
‘Seems so.’
Alex let a long sigh.
T + 1 HOUR, 15 MINUTES AND 45 SECONDS
‘I suppose… hmm…’ Gene thought out loud.
‘Spit it out.’
‘I suppose you’d have to drive the Quattro back to Christopher Street for me. If I did manage to make it out.’
‘Me? Driving your car? Me, driving your precious Quattro.’
‘Such is the direness of the situation I’m considering it yes,’ Gene said begrudgingly. ‘As long as you don’t stink out my boot like last time. It took weeks to get the pong out.’
‘I only did that the first time.’
‘You’ve only ever driven it once.’
‘Uh exactly, that’s what I meant.’
‘You wouldn’t have happen to drive my car since then, would you Bolly?’
‘No, of course not,’ She lied rather unconvincingly.
She loved taking his car for a spin when he wasn’t looking. The thrill of going sideways around the streets was almost as thrilling as the thrill of not getting caught by Gene.
Gene looked at her suspiciously, completely unconvinced at Alex’s admission, but then again he couldn’t exactly prove she had taken his car. He’d just have to think of a way to get her back some other time.
‘Anyway what makes you think I’d take it back to the station anyway?’
‘Because it just so happens to be next to your humble little abode, after which you can put your feet up.’
‘No, no, no. What to says when I clear the traffic I don’t go on a little joyride, do some ‘evasive manoeuvres’ and dump the car in some street in Zone 6.’
‘Because if you do I would strap half a pound of raw steak on you and set the station’s entire quota of sniffer dogs loose.’
‘Their bark’s worse than their bite. Oh no wait that’s you.’
‘Right that’s it I’m gonna go for it,’ Gene said, psyching himself up. His voice gaining a slightly unhinged quality. ‘I’m gonna get out, I can’t stay here any longer.’
‘Really?’
‘Just treat the old girl right won’t you?’
‘Of course, I was only joking. I’ll get it back in one piece.’ Alex said. ‘Okay, well good luck I guess.’
‘Thanks.’
Gene pushed the door open. The gap was deceptively small, probably no more than about 20 degrees which meant Gene had to get flexible. He was contorting himself in all different directions as he tried to get his body out of the car. Alex couldn’t stop herself from giggling at the sight of it.
Once his head was out in the fresh air and the rest of him was still in the car pressed up against the door and the seat in a tangle of limbs.
‘Shit,’ Gene said simply.
‘What have you done?’ Alex asked.
‘I appear to have gotten myself stuck,’ he reluctantly admitted as predictably Alex burst out laughing.
‘Don’t laugh,’ he pleaded.
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Nothing, just don’t cackle like a hyena.’
Realising that he couldn’t move forward with some effort Gene squeezed himself back inside, slamming the door for good measure.
‘Bloody stupid idea,’ he said.
Alex had pressed her lips together in an attempt to stifle her laughter.
‘Just promise me, promise me you won’t tell anyone down at the station, my dignity is already shattered.’
She consider the prospect but she decided to take pity on him, after all it was her fault he was stuck here, he had offered to take her shopping on his day off when he hadn’t needed to.
’Alright, I promise. But just so you know I will file it away in memory for future reference.’
T + 2 HOURS, 4 MINUTES AND 19 SECONDS
‘So,’ Alex said. ‘What are we going to do about Mathers?’
‘I said there’s nothing we can do. Not until there’s a new Commissioner.’
‘That won’t be for another couple of months, I think,’ Alex said offhandedly.
‘You know something I don’t?’
‘Uh no, just guessing. Look I’m not proposing we actually do anything but we’ve got nothing else to do in here, we might as well discuss it. How about we change the log books, little errors that would be unnoticeable to anyone else?’
‘He’d just deny it, Uncle Commissioner’d back him up and then we’d have the rubber heelers on our arses for malfeasance.’
‘Alright, something else then.’
‘Even we get him out of Fenchurch he’s still free to terrorise the women of some other station. We need it to be something unequivocal.’
‘We could murder him,’ Alex said jokingly.
‘We could murder him, there’s an idea.’
‘How would we do it?’
‘We could shoot him.’
‘Bit messy,’ she said.
‘We could poison him, cyanide in his tea. In that stupid Arsenal mug he uses.’
‘What if we got caught?’
‘We could go on the run, like Bonnie and Clyde.’
‘Or Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.’
‘Although you’re more of a Katherine Ross.’
‘I have always fancied the idea of tending a ranch.’
‘Enough of the day dreaming, I think you own me something don’t you?’ Gene said. ‘I told you about Mathers, now I get to ask you a question.’
‘Alright, fair’s fair. What do you want to know?’
‘Tell me why it is that you and Mister Drake and no longer an happy couple.’
Out of all of the questions Gene could ask her Alex hadn’t expected that one. Still after all Alex’s attempts to find out more about ‘Mrs Hunt’ she supposed it wasn’t entirely unreasonable.
‘“Mister Drake”? That’s far too generous. Stuart Little more like.’
‘Who?’
‘An annoying little rodent.’ Alex said. ‘You really want to know why I got divorced?’
‘I want to know why a divorcee is so committed to the concept of marriage.’
‘That’s two questions technically, not a fan of rules are you?’
‘Get on with it Bols,’ he gently teased.
‘It turned out we were right for each other when it really mattered he wasn’t there and it was only in hindsight when you realised that what you had in the beginning wasn’t that good anyway,’ she said. It wasn’t the whole truth but it was enough for Gene know that he should let sleeping dogs lie.
‘As for your second question. It’s because out of all the impossible things I’ve seen I still believe that… despite everything,’ she looked over to Gene. ‘that there’s someone out there that completes you.’
‘Is the traffic clearing?’ Gene asked as if he hadn’t been paying attention, looking out at the gridlock.
In truth Alex was somewhat glad of that and she turned her head back towards the road and he was right, the thoroughfare was unmistakably moving again at last.
‘Yeah I think it is,’ she said letting out a sigh of relief.
T + TWO MONTHS, 0 DAYS, 48 MINUTES AND 12 SECONDS
Gene prowled up to the front desk and stretched his arms out onto the countertop, asserting his dominance. Alex stood behind him on his right-hand side.
’Out,’ the singular word quietly but firmly rumbled out of his scowling mouth.
‘Sir?’ A confused Mathers said.
‘Out!’ This time an almighty roar.
Mathers hurriedly came out into the reception area, sweat already dripping from his brow. Suddenly Gene grabbed Mathers but the lapels and threw him through the adjacent door into the gents’ toilets.
‘Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it Simon?’ Gene said as both he and Alex entered.
‘I don’t understand…’
‘You dare to act innocent?’ Gene said angrily. ‘Your uncle’s an ex-Commissioner, sorry, disgraced ex-Commissioner. Whereas I’m still the Sheriff ‘round here. I know every nook and cranny of this station. I know when there’s a file out of a place, I know when someone farts out of turn and I can tell you who did it. Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been doing, son.’
‘Ma’am?’ Mathers plead to Alex, hoping she would be more understanding.
‘Is it true?’ she asked with a calm, tired kind of rage.
Mathers froze, expecting Alex to be the voice of reason.
‘Those things you were doing to Nicole, is it true?’
‘The lady asked you a question,’ Gene said.
‘… I was only being friendly…’
Alex grimaced before summoning all her rage as she punched him in the gut, winding him and causing him to crumple to the piss-ridden floor.
‘If I find out — and I will — that you’ve gotten another job at some other station. I will spend the rest of my life hunting you down and persecuting you every day. You got that?’ Gene said.
Mathers’ ‘yes’ was more of an eek, like a meek little mouse and with it Gene grabbed Mathers by the scruff of his collar and pulled him back up off the floor.
‘Now get out of my sight,’ Gene said definitively.
As it happened Nicole saw Mathers scurrying out of the station. And once Gene and Alex emerged out of the gents she went up to Gene and through tearful eyes said simply, ‘thank you.’
Gene gave a stoic nod of sympathy to the young woman, who quickly excused herself in order to compose herself.
‘Gene Hunt being a gentleman. I think that calls for a drink don’t you? Luigi’s?’ Alex said.
‘Yeah I’ll get me coat. But don’t worry about the drink.’
‘Guv?’
‘Don’t worry about paying for mine. Look even I’m not too proud to admit that spending two hours locked in that car with me must’ve been torture on your bony, privately-educated arse so well… let’s just call it quits ay?’
‘Just for that you’re getting a double.’
‘We should get stuck in traffic more often, Bols.’