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Dome City. Futaba’s never really been here before. Not alone, anyway. Something in her bones screamed that she should call someone else here. Anyone, really. Yet…she knew why she was here by herself. If she brought anyone else, then the chances of being unable to approach the person she came looking for here rose significantly. It was a rough truth, but Futaba understood that little requirement better than anyone else in their friend group. Even after a few years, she was still the one who understood it the best. Everyone else tried their best to understand bad little habits like that, but they’d never really understand it fully. Futaba’s felt like running off somewhere no one would find her though. Hiding from people and getting away from daily responsibilities, whether it be out of fear or out of anger or…anything.
It wasn’t a solution to be proud of by any means, but that was all the more reason she would be somewhere unlikely like here. That and Futaba was the only person she had given any indication of her whereabouts to. She wouldn’t tell anyone else. But she told Futaba. She knew that Futaba would know better than to use the knowledge in a way that would drive her away more.
It’s been a couple of days now. The fact that Futaba even got this much information was important, and she took it upon herself to excuse herself for the day, after spending an hour convincing Sojiro that she would be fine on her own out here. Still, he had claimed if an emergency popped up, to text him and he would close up shop in two seconds to get her, but Futaba wasn’t going to put him through that. She had to be the one who did this anyway. Just like this girl did way too much for her sake, she needed to step out of her boundaries for once and be there for her in return.
She would come back on her own eventually. Of course she would. That didn’t solve anything though. It didn’t help. Call Futaba crazy, but she wanted to help, not wait. They were kindred spirits after all.
Well, maybe there was a little more to her reasoning than just relating to someone else. That wasn’t a thought to ponder right now though.
With her phone gripped tight in her fingers, Futaba walked as if she tried to shrink herself down further to avoid all the other people around her. She didn’t really know where to go further than “Dome Town” and she was regretting having such little information. Every unintentional brush by a stranger and every bump and apology tightened the feeling in her chest and twisted her stomach into an additional knot. She continued her struggled, slow breaths, trying to stay calm and keep her eyes forward. She was trying to watch for familiar features. Familiar clothing. Long hair. That ribbon, maybe.
When she spotted nothing of the sort, it only made the feelings worse. Why did she try to come here in the first place? She knew this would be too much. Futaba knew that she must have been aware too. She clearly didn’t want to be found, right? She could tell Futaba where she was because she knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. After all, the former shut-in was too hopeless in these kinds of situations to get anywhere useful. Her breathing quickened, and her knuckles were turning white around her phone now. She wasn’t even aware of the quiet vibrating between her fingers, the phone call and the few messages trying to come through but fruitless through her rising anxiety.
This girl was perfect and intelligent and even when she wavered, bounced back so effortlessly. Effortless like her movements when she was performing. Even if she was left alone, she would come back eventually, right? There was no reason for Futaba to come here, wasting her time with a failure to be helpful. All she was doing was driving in the fact that outside of her former navigational abilities when they had their personas, she was useless when it mattered. She should just go home, but at this point she wasn’t sure she could make it home by herself.
“Hey! Slow down!” Someone dashed past her, laughing. A young man chased after playfully, accidentally bumping into Futaba’s shoulder from behind and causing her to stumble forward a little as he ran by, though offering a quick and passing apology before he vanished into the crowd. There was a whimper strangled in her throat as Futaba clutched her phone close, another brief vibration coming through unnoticed.
She blindly forced her way through the sporadic crowd, until she stumbled into a solid building, shoulder bumping against it and using the wall as a support. She hoped it would keep her knees from buckling, but that wouldn’t help. They still folder under her as she crouched down and curled up, phone hidden in her grasp and curled form, and head tucked into her knees while she tried to block out the world.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this. She was still as utterly useless as ever. She was just…
“Futaba…Futaba, please. It’s me. I’m sorry, please look at me.”
She was trembling. She could barely make out the voice. The soft concern was familiar. It eased the pain and the anxiety, like trying to melt away ice on a surface.
“Can you hear me, at least? Can you give me some kind of sign?”
There was some hesitation. Eventually, Futaba nods, without lifting her head.
“May I come closer?”
More hesitation. Another subtle nod. A small hand gently finds the top of her head and Futaba flinches. She doesn’t shrink away, at least. It moves to her back, where it simply moves back and forth slowly, a calming and repetitive motion to try and soothe her.
“I tried to get a hold of you and find out where you were…I realized too late that telling you would probably encourage you to come here. I’m sorry, Futaba.”
A few seconds passed of silence and lack of response. Sumire stared on in concern, before looking around. If she could get Futaba somewhere a bit quieter, at least until the crowds thinned down and they could get out of here…
“Why don’t we go somewhere else? I don’t think we can make it back just yet, but I can bring us somewhere for some time alone if that would help. Okay?”
The okay that Futaba offered in response was just barely audible. Sumire removed her hand as Futaba just barely uncurled, still staring down at the ground, but a little bit more accessible at least. Enough that Sumire could reach for the hands that grasped her cell phone tightly, and nudge one of them away. She slipped her fingers around Futaba’s now free hand, before standing up and encouraging Futaba to do the same.
“I’ll lead us, okay? Just stay close to me. Focus on me, if it helps.”
“Okay…”
Sumire nodded, reaching a hand over to adjust Futaba’s hood, raising it over the girl’s head in hopes of helping her block out her surroundings. Keeping Futaba’s hand entangled with her own opposite hand, she slipped her free arm around the smaller person and moved forward. Futaba could barely keep up with what was happening. Everything was like a blur to her right now, forgotten as soon as it was seen if it wasn’t Sumire’s presence. So she simply did as she was told and focused on Sumire. She wasn’t sure where they were going, but she chose to trust the other girl right now, wanting to be anywhere but here.
Futaba couldn’t tell how much time was passing or how far they were going. They stopped and waited a few times, but Sumire simply spoke quietly to her, distracting her with idle chat about what it was she left to eat for breakfast this morning. Things that she stopped to sightsee while hiding away around here. At one point she stopped to speak to someone else, but Futaba didn’t care.
She was guided through a gate, and a small door was shut behind them. Sumire guided her to a seat and they both sat down, where she finally gently nudged Futaba into awareness, while whatever they sat in began to move slowly. Futaba blinked, raising her head and looking around tiredly. This was…a Ferris Wheel carriage. They were on the Ferris Wheel. She turned her head and looked at Sumire, who merely returned her gaze with a softer one and a smile, before she simply leaned over and rested the side of her head against Sumire’s shoulder. Comfortable. Even in such an uncertain circumstance, even when Sumire had run off from everyone else for a couple of days, she somehow still smelled faintly flowery and sweet. Like she had never left. Then again, she never did. She simply needed to get away from something, desperately.
“I’m sorry. I came here to help you, and you ended up helping me,” Futaba said quietly, her sigh fragile and quiet on her breath.
“Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing? I made you think you needed to come here. I didn’t think about the possibility that you would go so far out of your comfort zone like that. I was so upset that I was being…inconsiderate. Selfish, maybe. After all…I did want you to come here. I was hoping that you would. But when I came to my senses, I realized that I wasn’t being fair.”
“No…I just wanted to be there for once. I know I didn’t have to come here. I just…felt like I needed to. But I…”
“Shh, please don’t say that you couldn’t help. Just trying to come here despite your discomfort means a lot, Futaba.”
Futaba was quiet, staring out at the rising and falling surroundings outside. Sumire’s hand was still in her own. She only realized it when Sumire’s thumb began to brush over her skin, small and repetitive motions once again an attempt to ground her quietly, pull her back down to Earth so she could pull herself together. Not that it did anything to help the utter exhaustion she felt, now that the panic had passed, and the anxiety was being soothed.
“Why don’t you rest your eyes for a bit, Futaba? The ride will be a while; you’ll be safe with me. I promise.”
For some reason, Futaba found it easy to believe that. She normally believed it when the others told her of course, but there was something in the certainty of Sumire’s calming voice that really drove in the point that Futaba could do something that vulnerable right now, and Sumire would make sure she still woke up perfectly safe.
She doesn’t recall when she did, but eventually, her eyes did drift closed, consciousness fading not entirely intentionally as she gave in to the exhaustion she felt.
The time passed was quiet, but oddly calming, compared to how she had felt these past two days alone around here. Even as busy as this part of the city always was, Sumire felt alone no matter how many people were around. Of course, she had her senpai for help, but there was only so much that they could do for her. Most of her fight was her own. And most of the time, that fight was too much for her. Not that she often ran off because of it. There was no doubt her father was probably pulling his hair out in worry over her. During the ride, she had texted him to tell him she was okay, and she would be home soon. Not tonight. But…soon. She wasn’t running away. She even promised herself that.
She called Sojiro as well. She explained that Futaba was still safe, and that she was with her. Sojiro seemed to understand—he was such a surprisingly patient and understanding man. It was admirable. He reluctantly agreed that they could take as much time as they needed to feel comfortable taking Futaba home. Just…make sure that she was at least home by tomorrow night. He didn’t say much further than that, but Sumire suspected if longer than that, he’d probably come and get her himself out of pure parental anxiety. It was cute sometimes, to see how their pulled together family functioned sometimes.
Futaba had such a strong family. She was a strong girl, even despite her own beliefs that she wasn’t. Despite her occasional self-loathing, her shut-in tendencies, and even her probably frail physical state, she was one of the strongest people that Sumire knew. Sumire had felt nothing but weakness and an almost crippling desire to run away from the life she was trying to put back together these past two days, and yet when she saw Futaba here, curled up and scared and trying to help her even though she needed help herself…she felt more motivation and push in one instant than she thought she could feel in such a short span of time.
What a sweet girl. She wasn’t sure she deserved this kind of connection. That she deserved this kind of person in her life right now.
When the ride was over, Futaba still hadn’t woken up. It was fine. Sumire carefully wrapped her arms under Futaba, scooping her out of her seat and lifting her in a carry in her arms. She adjusted the smaller girl so that her form leaned against her for support. Carrying the weight of another person wasn’t exactly something she was used to, but Futaba was so tiny and light, and it was a surprisingly doable task. People stared, but Sumire didn’t pay it any mind. She had a destination in mind for now and was just being careful not to wake the slumbering girl in her arms. Compared to how shaken Futaba had looked before, now she looked…peaceful. It gave Sumire a perhaps unwanted opportunity to take in how cute she looked on the way back to where she was staying, curled in her arms, and sleeping so soundly. Somewhere inside she was fighting a battle between feeling as though she didn’t deserve this sight either and never wanting to lose the memory of the sight. She just kept in mind that if she didn’t focus at the moment, she’d never make it back without getting lost in the streets somehow.
Hours passed, and daylight faded into night. It was impressive really, how deep a sleeper Futaba could be when her exhaustion was driven by anxiety and tremendous effort to fight it. By the time the girl’s eyes blinked open, she was taking in the groggy sight of artificial lamp light on a bedside stand, and the unfamiliar appearance of sheets she’s never seen before. Ah—did she fall asleep?
Futaba groaned quietly, pushing herself into a sitting position and rubbing the side of her head with a grimace. Where was she? This was…kind of a generically decorated place. Her eyes drifted to the open window nearby. Dome Town was lit up close by, though far below on the ground. A hotel?
“We’re in Tokyo Dome Hotel.”
Futaba jumped, her heart nearly escaping into her throat at the sound of Sumire’s voice. She looked towards the entrance door to see the other young woman locking the door behind her, offering an apologetic smile to her guest. “I’m sorry, did I startle you?”
“N-no, no…it’s fine. Just…is this where you’ve been?”
Sumire nods. “I was just taking care of something downstairs. Are you okay?”
Futaba hesitates for a moment, pulling herself back until she could lean back against the headboard. “I think so…um…thank you. You…shouldn’t have needed to come to my rescue like that, but you did.”
“Please don’t thank me for that. I’m the one who ended up luring you into such an uncomfortable situation.”
“No—urgh, arguments over guilt aside…what about you? Are you…okay?” Futaba frowned, and groaned again before waving it off. “No no, nevermind. Stupid question, very stupid question. Ugh, Futaba…come on.”
Sumire giggled and shook her head, before taking a seat on the edge of the mattress. “It’s okay. I’m…I’ve been better. But I’ll overcome it. I just…got scared. Overwhelmed. I wasn’t strong enough this time to face it though. I just ran from it.”
“Well…hey, at least you’re on a break right now. Not like you’re missing any competitions or university lectures, right?”
Sumire chuckled again, and nodded, though the smile on her face was solemn. Sad. “I was at father’s studio…people spoke to me. About my accomplishments lately. And…about Kasumi. I know it’s rather pathetic. Making me feel this way wasn’t their intention at all. But still…I found myself thinking about her again. I felt like I was sinking again, in everything that she was when she was alive. Everything that I thought I was when I was living like her. I felt…like I wasn’t myself, somehow. Disconnected from myself again.”
“That’s some major disassociation if I’ve ever seen it.” Futaba says bluntly, before clearing her throat and apologizing quietly. Sumire just shakes her head, quietly dismissing it as okay.
“It was frightening. I was terrified, I think. By the time evening came around, I had a panic attack in my room. I…don’t know what came over me. Too much all at once. I was suddenly scared of it all again. Far too aware that I would never stand on the same ground Kasumi did. Terrified I’d never find my own ground to stand on.”
Sumire’s voice was quiet and fragile. Nothing like the kind of confidence and bright tone she tried to speak with when around all the others. Futaba often found herself thinking about how Sumire was a beautiful individual. Someone graceful and out of reach, whether it be because of how vastly different the level she was on was from Futaba’s own, or because of the intensity of the awful circumstances and emotions she struggled with every day.
There were so many things that they identified on, yet still so many things that differed between their experiences. They were both difficult, in their own ways. Though, the end result was still so similar. Just a couple of broken, disheartened individuals shoved into a reality that was hard to cope with. A couple of girls who had to put out tremendous effort in their everyday lives just to make it through, even when they felt bad enough to believe that the escape of death would be a vastly preferable alternative to living to see what kind of atrocities the following day had to offer them.
“You don’t know what to say, do you?”
Futaba closed her eyes. She sighed after a moment. “…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I don’t…think I’d expect you to. Sometimes…sometimes I think I become aware of how unreasonable I can get. I know that there was no reason for me to lose my grip like that. Or even react how I did. End up here, escaping from my own problems and life. Again.”
“I don’t think it’s the same as you did before. I mean…I get it. Sometimes our thoughts can get out of hand. Irrational and crazy even, and we just…need some time to cool off and understand that that’s what happened. As for escaping…this is nothing like what happened before. I think…this is acceptable. Needing to get away. Step back and catch your breath. Though…maybe everyone else would benefit a little bit from you saying something before you go running off.”
“Heh…yes, that’s true. I truly am sorry for worrying everyone.”
“I guess you really would have been fine if I just stayed put huh…” Futaba crossed her arms, averting her eyes with a small frown. Sumire glanced at her and sighed while a sympathetic grin tugged at her lips.
“You’re a great help, honestly. You wanted to be here for me. You even unintentionally gave me something to feel again. An important task to feel driven for—protecting you and getting you to feel safe again. You grounded me a little.”
“Great. I’ll keep in mind that sometimes I’m helpful if I break down in public,” Futaba said dryly while rolling her eyes. Sumire giggled.
“You know that’s not what I meant, silly.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Futaba spared a tiny smirk, looking at Sumire again. “I know. I would say sorry for worrying you but…you know what, consider it revenge for making me worry.”
Another giggle. She needed to stop doing that actually…Futaba enjoyed hearing it too much.
“That’s fair. Oh…I let Sojiro know you’re here.”
“I figured. You are the responsible one after all. Is he comin’ to get me or something?”
Sumire shook her head “He said that as long as you’re back by tomorrow night, you could take whatever time you needed.”
“Wow…that’s a new one. Okay.” Futaba looked down at the sheets, thoughtful “I guess it’s an impromptu sleepover then. I say, despite the fact I just spent like. Hours sleeping just now.”
Sumire laughed a bit more sincerely at that. Futaba grinned, happy to have been the cause of that. The feelings it provoked in her chest made the tightness she felt before feel so unimportant now.
“If it’s any consolation, I’m not too tired myself. We can just talk, or…find something to do. If all else fails, we can go home early.”
“No—oh, uh…” She said no so quickly, Futaba really didn’t have any reasons for it to back it up. That was…a little embarrassing, maybe. Sumire didn’t seem to mind though. Futaba did wish that she wasn’t sitting right there to witness first-hand the slightly flustered tinge of pink on Futaba’s face though.
“It’s okay.” Sumire shakes her head. “I told the receptionist that I’d check out tomorrow anyway. I wouldn’t want to trouble them any further with more changes.”
“Overly kind as always.” Futaba leaned back again and sighed. “Geez…this is the most excitement I’ve had in one day in…months! You definitely owe me.”
Luckily, they were close enough by now, that Sumire understood that Futaba was only joking. Futaba tried to go to incredible lengths for Sumire, and never seemed to expect anything in return. She didn’t want anything.
Reluctantly, Sumire scooted further onto the bed and laid down, resting her head on Futaba’s lap, staring out towards the door thoughtfully. Futaba herself flinched, surprised and much more caught off guard than she was before, but didn’t shoo her away or ask for space.
“…I would like to be happy with myself someday. Satisfied. But…for now, I think someone else being satisfied with who I am is a rather nice start. An encouraging one. It’s different, at least.” Sumire spoke quietly, tone giving away how deep in thought she still was even now. “It’s easier to have someone there with me. When I’m alone…when I feel alone, it’s suffocating. I know that I’m not alone of course. But something about the unique attention of someone who won’t leave my side is soothing. Maybe that’s selfish of me, though.”
“I don’t think it is. And if it is…I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think you can be a little selfish, sometimes. And you, Sumi? I think you’ve earned some right to be selfish sometimes.”
Sumire chuckled weakly, turning herself a bit so she was on her back, and looking over at Futaba’s face. “Think so?”
“Absolutely. If you don’t let yourself go at least once in a while, you’re just gonna push yourself into a rut.”
Sumire smiled softly and nodded. It was an interesting piece of advice. An unusual one, for certain. But maybe she had a point. “I’m glad you came here, Futaba. Even if I wished it would have gone better.”
“Believe it or not, I’m glad I did too.” Futaba grinned. It was her usual one—goofy and seemingly pleased with herself. It was so silly to see now, remembering how she looked earlier today. It made Sumire feel lighter somehow. Like an ease to her burdens.
Without thinking about it, she raises her hand, letting her fingers brush the girl’s chin, and then the side of her face softly. It was the quickest she’s seen that shade of red come rushing back to Futaba’s otherwise light skin.
“S-Sumi? Ah, what’s up?”
“I was thinking of how I could repay you, maybe.”
“E-eh? You don’t actually owe me anything, ya know.”
Futaba looked to the side, causing Sumire’s fingers to slip away. Her hand hovered there, the redhead stalling on her options for a moment, before she finally moved. Carefully, she pushed herself up off of Futaba’s lap, but pulled herself a little closer. Her hands held her upright as she leaned towards Futaba, fingers resting against the sheets on either side of where Futaba sat.
“Yes, I know.”
Sumire is close enough that she breathes on Futaba when she speaks. Earlier it felt like her heart was going to jump into her throat, and now she was actually pretty sure that it definitely did so now. The only thing that reassured her otherwise was the way that it hammered in her chest. Despite being the one taking some kind of initiative, Sumire felt about the same at the moment, with her pulse in her ears and face beginning to attempt the shade of her own hair. She very suddenly understood that feeling of intense anxiety she read about in novels when the hero or heroine was about to lean in for a kiss with their love interest. It always struck her as seemingly odd and silly, up until now.
Lips brush, and either girl could swear there was a jolt of something , when it happens. What it is feels hard to understand fully. Sumire’s never kissed someone, let alone another girl, and Futaba had never imagined she would be in such a situation.
Sumire stops for a moment, her usual self showing through full force. She looked like she was two steps from catching fire, red up to her ears and realizing very quickly and very suddenly how nervous she was despite her boldness. Pulling her glasses away, she set them aside, before doing the same for Futaba’s. Her hand finally stops, resting on Futaba’s cheek as she leaned in for a more certain kiss. This is firmer, yet still surprisingly soft. Futaba can’t stop herself from noticing the way Sumire tastes a little like…coffee. No wonder she wasn’t tired. Nervous hands find Sumire’s shoulders and grip there gently while Futaba struggled to properly return the girl’s quiet and careful enthusiasm. It was nothing particularly spectacular, she was sure. It’d be stranger if their first kiss was something straight out of a triple A movie. But it was exciting despite that, at least for them.
Slowly and reluctantly, Sumire finally stops, though another soft kiss finds its way to the corner of Futaba’s mouth, and after to her cheek and lastly against her forehead. Normally Futaba was wary about so much physical contact—especially affectionate contact. But this…this was nice. Sumire was warm and inviting, and every little touch was like another little wave of calm that washed over her at the moment, even putting aside the fact that she was simply a bundle of worked up nerves right now. She’s not sure she’s ever felt a more contradicting bunch of emotions at once before.
Sumire sits closer and wraps her arms around Futaba. She leans close, simply holding the other girl close as she rests her head against the top of Futaba’s, and Futaba’s buries against the curve of her neck. Dare she say…this was actually really nice. Futaba would be a liar if she said she’d never thought about how nice it would be to be held by Sumire like this. Even her vague concerns about the girl’s slender appearance and sharp looking elbows were cast aside, considering at the moment pretty much all of it was damn well comfortable right now.
“Maybe it was just that selfishness that made me say I would rather wait until tomorrow to check out. You being here helped a lot today, Futaba, but maybe for now I would just…like to stay here a little longer with you here with me. If that’s okay.”
Futaba could feel that burn in her face again, and she’s grateful she has part of it hidden from Sumire’s vision. “I don’t think that’d be a bad thing. This is…kinda nice. I-if it makes you feel better, th-then I feel better too.”
Sumire giggled softly. There it was again. That nice sound. Futaba hid her face further, only hoping she was still audible despite being muffled.
“M-Maybe…maybe when you bring me back to Leblanc’s, you can…s-stick around. We could go somewhere fun afterwards, or just…hang out. Just the two of us, after some curry and coffee that’s probably w-way better than the stuff you had here.”
Sumire blushed visibly at the mention of that, if only because of the obvious implication Futaba most certainly realized she had when Futaba was sleeping, while they kissed. Despite all that bravado, that was still pretty embarrassing to have pointed out.
“H-heh…I’d love that. It’s…it’s a date, then.”
Oh, Futaba’s heart was gonna kick right out of her ribcage at this rate. “Yeah.”