Work Text:
Stand by my side
*Some lines are from ep 4 and the teaser of ep 5
The pain on the neck is still as realistic as it can be, the same as the feeling of choking and being thrown onto the floor. The only thing that seems unreal was the cross scar on the back of Kang yo han.
Is this the truth?
The deep and painful scar that this devil has been hiding under his mask of craziness and insanity.
Kim ga on stand by the door of the study and stares at Kang yo han blankly. He is born with a kind-hearted nature. He can’t stop himself from feeling pitiful for Kang yo han. All of a sudden, Kim go on thinks about his parents who had both gone to heaven also because of this cruel world. Was his anger similar to Kang yo han in some degree?
Kim ga on feels like he must have been knocked out of himself when Kang yo han almost killed him as his perspective of the devil judge changes drastically in such short period of time. The man with the cross on the back in front of him now, is completely different from that cold-blooded judge who announce severe penalties on the TV show, that minister who cheered with a table of disgusting rich and powerful villains, that psychopath who hammered a sports car on an intersection in the dark night. Are these really the same person?
The cool moonlight shines on Kang yo han through the window, making his side face half dark and half bright. How? How could a person potentially resemble all slyness, determination, madness, tenderness into one? This man in front of him is a mysterious and humongous whirlpool with irresistible charms that draws him to indulge deeper and deeper into the complete absurdity of Kang yo han's world.
Kang yo han slowly pulls himself out of the flashback and puts on his sleep gown. He stands with his arms on the table and mutters in a sigh, “Of course, human beings would always love this kind of story on a show.” The truth, the past, family, friends, lovers, there are nothing in this world that people cannot use for raising empathy of others. Now that he has been doing these for such a long time, he almost forgot how to tell a real story.
Kang yo han finishes tying his sleep gown and turns around, and suddenly finds that Kim ga on is standing right beside the door of his study. Didn’t he just leave? Then why is he back here?
Kang yo han says nothing but leaning beside the table and scans the younger man from head to toe. They are approximately the same height but his grey woollen sweater seems to be a little loose on the younger one which hides away the thin but strong waist of the little deer. Kim ga on’s eyes are slightly red-rimmed and his full beautiful lips pressed against each other. Under the moonlight, he looks like an innocent angel that just comes out of heaven. The curvature on the end of his eyes and the pure temperament are gifts given by God.
How come they are so similar? Every single inch of them, even the damn kind-hearted nature. Kang yo han thinks to himself while Kim ga on walks toward him. He is way too similar to Kang yi sak, especially now that he is not in his typical stubborn mood at work, the caring look makes him look even more like yi sak hiong.
Kang yo han locks his sight to that pair of beautiful deer eyes.
There is something truly different between Kim ga on and Kang ik sak, Kang yo han silently speaks under his heart. Ik sak hiong always looks at him with tenderness and love, while the young man in front of him always stares at him with suspicion, alienation, and anger.
It is for sure a strange day today, the typical stare of Kim ga on isn’t there. Kang yo han thought to himself. Interesting. He creeps a smile on his lips and strokes his chin, “Wei? Did our little deer get scared by the cruel story and decide to sleep by my side tonight?”
The distance between them is suddenly very close which makes Kim ga on take a step back with a reddening face, “Uhm...no, no. It’s not that.”
When Kim ga on walked out of the study, he felt like the past time pain has returned to him. It hurts so much that it feels like he lost consciousness for awhile, and he cannot take any step further. Back to the time when his parents left him, his world suddenly collapsed and he chose to escape. To run away from these extreme pain, to fight people and become a fool, to give up on himself in order to forget about how much it hurts and how disappointing this world is. Kim ga on thought to himself, maybe somehow we are the same in certain parts. Though Kang yo han acts in extremely crazy ways that he cannot understand, but that devil judge is not truly a devil, he is still human.
So that’s why he came back. As if drawn by the opposite pole of the magnet, he couldn’t help himself. Kang yo han now seem to be careless about what just happened previously and returns to his normal manner. Kim ga on frowns and starts off firmly: “There are some words...that I think I should tell you.” The crystal clear pair of eyes similar to little deer reflects the shape of Kang yo han standing in front of the moonlight, “Even if no one in the world understands you, I will understand. Maybe not everything and not exactly, but at least I can understand your feelings.”
Kim ga on stares straight into Kang yo han’s sharp eagle eyes under his bangs, “It’s anger, isn’t it?”
Even more interesting now. Kang yo han raises his eyebrow and speaks: “So I guess you still remember everything about your parents’ deaths? Ha, such kind-hearted and sympathetic people like you will never ever be able to survive in this world.” Looking at the light in the younger man’s eyes become dim, the softest part inside Kang yo han’s heart is slightly poked. Kim go on struggled so much in this stupid quagmire world, but the young deer chose a completely different road.
But at the same time, Kang yo han can't help laughing out loud looking at the Kim g on’s sincere look, "You just said...anger. Oh, please, just say the truth out loud: hatred, you might call it, perhaps?" He shrugged, "Aren't those hypocrites hateful when they can't even remember my brother's face after he decided to donate all of his properties?"
Kang yo han slowly walks around Kim ga on for a while and watches the younger man frowns even more. Finally, he stops in front of him and questions with an innocent and curious face, “Hmm...do you not hate whoever caused you to be like this?”
Do I?
Kim ga on stayed silent for a long while as he cannot even come up with an answer to the devil’s question. The pain of having no parents to protect you, the loneliness of staying in an empty house by himself, the helplessness of the injustice of the world, there are so many reasons to hate, but he couldn’t find anyone specific to be his target. He still doesn't know the culprit that swindled his parents after all these years, how ridiculous is that? The bitterness soaks into every inch of his body, into his unhealed wound under his heart, causing him to ache nonstop.
The fish now bites the bait. Kang yo han’s smile grew even wider.
He bowed down a little and leans near the left ear of Kim ga on. The devil whispers to the angel’s ear with his lowered and soft voice.
“Then...let’s make a choice now. Would you rather stand in my way, or,” he slightly pauses, “stand by my side?”
Kim ga on’s ears and cheeks immediately burned up and he swallows silently without being aware of it. His sight trembling and flustering not knowing where he should put them. He is shaken by this man in front of him. Completely.
Kang yo han smiles again in playfulness. The indistinguishable face of Kang yi sak is only inches away from him, he gently runs his fingers through the sharp jawline of Kim ga on. He sees it all. The shaken, sorrowful, chaotic expression of that clear pair of eyes. He sees everything through Kim ga on’s beautiful eyes.
How miraculous? There really is such a coincidence in the world. Two different souls with the same face, both different but all become his salvation, his glimmer in the dark.
Stand by my side, please. Walk with me in the light and darkness.
I will protect you, forever.
My little deer.
END