Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

George doesn’t fail tests. At least that’s what anyone but him would tell you. Himself however is convinced that he’s going to fail this one. Even though he’d spent countless hours of many days studying the same two chapters in his history book. Hence why he’s in the library for the sixth day in a row trying to ignore all the eyes burning his skin and the voices that flood his head.

“He’s going to pass out if he doesn’t stop soon.”

“I don’t want to have to carry him home again.”

“Should we stop him?”

“George.”

Nope he’s not going to fail. If he stopped studying he would fail. He can’t fail.

“George!”

He kept his eyes on his paper hoping to be left alone. He can’t fail this test.

“GEORGE!”

The loud intrusion made his mind pull to a speedy stop, searching for a reasonable response. Despite his better judgement he looked up at his friends. Only to be met with three concerned looks. He wished he would have just kept reading.

“Yes.” He sounded more tired than he wished he did. He gave himself away immediately didn’t he?

“It’s time for a break. Just for a bit.” Wilbur had a more sad look than the others. As if George was actively bleeding out in front of him. George let out a breath and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling. His mind told him to stop before he burned out. To stop and rest so he’ll actually make it to the test day rather than sleep through it.

“Please George, just an hour or so, you look about ready to cry.” Niki had such a wonderful voice, he thinks. Her voice calmed almost all of his nerves. Almost all of them. He dug his nails into his palms only slightly. Just enough that if he looked he could see the imprints of them in his skin. Purple crescent shaped indent in his pale skin. He should probably get out in the sun soon.

“Yeah, let’s just sit and chat for a bit. Let our minds rest.” Bad sounded so excited just to sit and talk to his friends. He doesn’t sound worried about the test at all. Why would he be? Bad has this in the bag he’s never made below an eighty on a test in his life. It almost sent George’s nose right back into his book. He can’t fail this test. If he fails they could send him back home. He can’t go back. So he let his head slowly lower back to eye level, he loosened his fist to pull the nails from his skin and opened his eyes. He hated how concerned they looked. All of their eyes on him as if he’s going to faint and they’ll need to catch him. Raising his hand up to move his hair out of his eyes he speaks.

“Guys, I really need to pass this. You know that.” The words feel like they take years to get out. Heavy on his tongue, his lips slowly crafting them before they flow out of his mouth. He felt like he was living in slow motion. Like someone was messing with time. His eyes find Wilburs only to see the sadness still there. He quickly looked away, not being able to stand it. The book below him is calling out his name, begging for his eyes once again. Just as he’s about to give in and go back to ignoring his friends, he hears a sigh. Glance moving to Bad as he begins to talk.

“If you don’t take a break we’re going to have to make you George. You’re going to burn out and miss your test again. You know how bad you felt last time, don't you?” His eyes never faltered as if he didn’t just threaten to make George stop studying. George’s heartbeat picked up a little at the thought of the last time he missed his test because he had spread himself too thin, not sleeping for days on end. His fist closed again, in the same position as before. As he squeezed into the marks from earlier a sharp pain shot through his hand. It calmed him in a way. Giving him the courage to speak.

“Bad, this isn’t last time. I need to pass this one more than ever and plus I’ve been sleeping as fine as I always do.” It was a lie really. They all knew he never slept well about a week before a big test. His mind never stopped worrying enough for him to genuinely rest. Anyone who looked at George could probably tell he hadn’t slept more than three hours a night for the past week. He knew that they weren’t going to take no as an answer so he just closed his book and rested his head in his hands on top of it. Folded like he’s about to sleep right then and there. He pretended he couldn’t feel the hours of being awake catching up to him. He pretended it didn’t feel so good to finally rest his eyes.

“George, we know you never sleep well before tests, no need to lie. And look you already seem like you’re two seconds from slipping into the best sleep of your life.” Niki reached across the table to give his head a couple light pats. It pulled a small giggle from his throat as he opened his eyes to look at his friends.

“Okay we can just talk and afterwards I’ll go back to the dorms to sleep. I’m so tired.” His voice sounded a bit more whiny than normal and a lot more sluggish, like he had just woken up.

“Good. Are you guys going home for winter break? I was thinking about going to visit L.A. since we can’t stay here and I don’t want to fly all the way to the UK just to have to say goodbye to my family again.”

“Wait what do you mean we can’t stay here?” George spoke up frantically, eyes wide and voice too loud for a library.

“What, you didn’t know that? They close all dorms and the rest of the school so all the staff can have just as long of a break as us. They lock everything up including the front gate. Something about no one in, no one out.” Bad spoke up, his voice more appropriately leveled for a room full of people with their noses in a book.

“Yeah, a few freshmen a couple of years ago stayed here over the break and decided it would be a good idea to break all the windows in the east wing and spray paint shit all over the other dorm building. You have them to blame. They started making everyone leave after that.” Wilbur spoke of it as if it was a ghost story. How had George never heard about this before?

“I still can’t believe they never caught them. Anyway on a lighter note, I’m going back home to see my family for the holidays. They’re paying for my flight and everything.” Niki has always been close to her family. Always calling when she made a good grade to brag about it. They always seemed so happy to listen.

“I was thinking about going home too. I want to see how my friends are handling college. George, is there something you want to do now that you know?” Bad chuckled at the fact that George just found out about this.

You see the problem is that George didn’t want to go visit home. Even if he did there’s no way he could afford it and his parents would definitely not pay for it. He didn’t even have the money for a good amount of food to eat for a month. There’s no way he can afford a place to stay all of winter break. All his friends are going far away for their time, so staying with them was out of the question. He couldn’t ask anyone to borrow money either, they’re going to need that for their trip. Nevermind the huge amount of guilt he would feel taking it from them. Now would have been a nice time to have a rich friend. Or maybe an accepting family would work too.

He can feel their eyes digging underneath his skin, trying to pry the answers out of him. He felt like everything was caving in around him. His eyes locked onto the tabletop, the sound of his heavy breath is the only thing that filled his ears. It felt as if someone had dropped him into the endless vod that is his mind. Falling into his deepest thoughts, the ones he has pushed so far down it’s like they never happened. The feeling of being the only one in a world full of yelling, tears and the stinging of skin coming back to him all at once.

If he just hadn't told them he wouldn’t be here right now. If he had just kept his mouth shut. Maybe if he had tried harder to fix it, done as they said. He could be in his childhood bedroom again. He could have had dinner with his family for the holidays again. If he had just fixed it he could go to his mom and ask what to do right now. She could fly him home and tell him he’s doing good. Maybe it’s not too late, maybe he can call her and say sorr-

“GEORGE!”

His head shot up at the volume of the voice. Eyes a little unfocused from having them open for too long. He took a steady breath and blinked quickly to see better. Then praying they couldn’t read his face, he looked up.

“We’ve been trying to talk to you for like a whole minute, dude. Are you alright?” It’s Wilbur's voice again. He lifted his eyes to meet Wilburs, the concern much more obvious, now that the saddest was gone.

“Um, I’m fine. Yeah, I just think the lack of sleep is catching up now.” He’s sweating. Do they know? Can they tell he’s lying? What if they ask more questions, what will he say then? He needs to leave now before they have the chance.

“I should go.” He stood up quickly. His chair legs made a loud noise against the floor as it got pushed back by his knees. The loud noise caused their table to get a few annoyed glances. He looked all his friends in the eyes. He hoped they could see that he truly did need to leave. He hoped it gave them some reassurance.

“Okay, just promise me you’ll take a break the rest of the day and get some sleep.” Niki asked kindly. She searched his eyes for any lies as he nodded his head. He hoped she couldn't see them. She must be pleased with whatever she found because she looked at Bad and gave him a small nod. George pretended he didn’t notice it.

“Yes, of course, sleep. I will do that. Thank you guys. I’m going to go now.” With that George quickly gathered his things, stuffing them into his bag messily before he zipped it and slung it over his shoulders. He muttered a small bye as he walked to the doors that lead to the rest of the building. The opposite way from his dorm but the quickest way to a bathroom. If his friends noticed they didn’t say anything.

As he broke through the doors into the halls of the school he made sure to keep his eyes on the floor. He felt the tears starting to pool at the far corner of his eyes. He tried to keep them open for as long as possible to keep the tears at bay. Stomping his way past many doors most likely full of students who needed tutoring and the teachers who supervise them. One foot after the other. The pounding of his heart drowned out all the chatter from the students in the halls. A breath in, a breath out.
His mind was fogging over quickly. He blinked so the tears would stay in, if only a second longer. Only a little bit left to go. He was about to turn the corner just a few feet away from the bathrooms when he hit something. Frantically he took his eyes off from where his shoes fell against the cold tiles. A few feet in front of him he saw what he bumped into, his cheeks lightly brightening at the sight. A person, who’s papers are now everywhere. George quickly dropped to the floor, only hurting his knees a little, and started picking up the papers neatly to hand them back to the person. Once done he raised back to his feet and handed them back. He said a quick apology and left. He didn’t even consider saying more. They would have asked what was wrong. They would have seen his eyes as they started to water quicker and quicker. They would have known why he was in such a rush. So he picked up his pace a bit. Never turning to look back.

Finally he made it to the bathroom. To his luck it was empty. He quickly made his way to the stall furthest from the door. Once George made sure it was locked, the tears started to flow freely. His back hit the wall as he slid down it to sit. George wrapped his arms around his legs and pulled them tightly to his chest before he dropped his head onto them and sobbed quietly.

If he couldn’t stay here and he couldn’t go home, where would he stay? Would he be homeless for a few weeks? Would the school allow him to stay? He could dig into his savings for a hotel room. If he did that though he might be tight on money for food for the rest of the year.

As the tears continued to roll down his cheeks he thought back to what got him here. The time he got a little too close to the new boy in grade seven. The time he trusted his best friends with his secret. The time they told everyone his secrets. It was never the same after that. They all hated him. He thought about the time he lied to his parents about why all his friends had left him. The time their words hit too hard on areas too difficult to cover up. The time no one noticed that he needed them. And worst of all the time he decided he’d had enough. So he was honest. He made new friends. Trusted new people. Told secrets he thought he never would, to people he knew he never should. And most importantly, he moved away. Which brings him back to now. The time he needed to stay. He needed to stay here. He can’t go with his friends, he can’t go to a hotel, and he definitely can’t go home. So that’s exactly what he decided he’ll do. He’s going to stay here.

The idea has a few holes in it at the moment. Like how exactly he was going to pull it off and what he’ll do if he can’t. However, for now the idea is all he needed for the tears to slow. Now he could start to actually wipe them away.

After a few minutes of resting on the dirty bathroom floor he pulled himself up. George unlocked the stall door and made sure no one had come in during the time he was crying. It was still empty, he walked over to the mirror and was met with red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. George turned on the cold water to splash some of it onto his face. He felt it cool his skin some. He looked back up to the mirror and found that he already looked more presentable, he still looked tired though. So he dried his face with a crappy paper towel and tossed it into the trash. He was ready to head home and go straight to bed. He had a plan to perfect after all.

George put his hand on the handle, took a deep breath and pulled it open. He was met with emptier halls. He was very thankful. Despite the lack of people he still kept his eyes glued to the floor. He didn’t want to risk anyone seeing his red rimmed eyes and spreading any rumors. God, please no more rumors. The walk down the hall this time is much more calm than last time. His breath was more stable and his steps were very precise. He had a plan and it’s going to work. He needed it to work.

As he turned the last corner he heard a very familiar voice. He hated the way it made him feel the need to run. The way his heart picked up like he was in danger. The way his eyes felt glued to the floor. That very voice that haunted his mind was coming from only a few feet away. If only he could move his feet, he would be able to just walk right past as if it was nothing. As if he was not shaking in anger. He hated feeling scared. This voice has no reason to make him feel scared. He never did anything to deserve this type of fear based anger. Just pick up your foot George, put it right in front of you, just like you did earlier. Just turn around and take the long way home George, that’ll just be easier. Do something George. Do anything George. His mind told him so many things, yet all of it blended together so easily. His mind was now just a bundle of mismatched words, none of them knowing where they’re supposed to be. So he did the only thing he’s ever known to do. He hid.

He quickly turned back around and hid behind the wall of the corner he had just passed. He debated if it was worth waiting for the voice to leave or if he should keep walking and risk running back into his friends. They would have so many questions. Why was he still at school? Why did he look like he’d been crying? Why was he coming from the opposite direction? Why did he leave just to come right back? He can’t handle their questions right now. So he waited. Right as he’s about to look to see if the voice is gone he heard it again. The voice is so much louder now. It’s like the person it belongs to is on fire. As if they’re burning in their skin with rage. A forest fire moving too quickly to be put out. He stopped in his tracks and listened to the sizzle of the fire burning through the wood. God, did he wish he would have just kept his eyes on his books. He wished for the words to clog his thoughts and cloud his vision. He aches with the need to shut his ears and let the same words fill his head over and over until he would burst. He however, hadn’t kept his eyes on his book and now he’s here listening to a voice that made him want to scream.

“Why can’t you just help me with this one thing? You’re standing there doing nothing for me when I’ve done everything in my power to help you. I’ve given you money when you were going to be late on rent. I’ve led practice when you were too drunk to do so for the fourth week in a row. I’ve only ever helped you, now, why can’t you just do this one thing for me?” The voice would have made his ears ring if he had been any closer. It seemed to only get louder the more it was used. It made George’s eyes water just from the thought of it one day being used for him. The thought of busted eardrums and tear stained cheeks isn’t as foreign to him as he wished it could have been. Before he could spiral any further a loud sigh was heard right before a new voice spoke, George didn't recognize this one. It wasn’t as loud as the other so he had to strain to hear it.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can pull together, but if I can’t do anything then I don’t want you to say I didn’t try because I’m going to try as hard as I can. You know I appreciate all you do for me even when you shouldn’t have to be doing anything. I’m going to do my best. Now get home, it’s getting dark and it’s Friday so all the crazies are going to be out soon.”

“Thank you. I’ll remember this. See you tomorrow coach!” After a few footsteps being heard the sound of the heavy metal doors opening then closing rang throughout the hall. George let out a breath to calm his nerves. All the yelling left his heart feeling heavier than usual, as if he was the one in trouble. George finally stood then rounded the corner again, his eyes still on the floor to avoid the other voice that was in the halls with him. He finally made it to the heavy doors and pushed hard. The cool air of the upcoming night hit his red skin making it sting slightly. He thought it felt nice. The sun had almost been replaced by the moon for the night, the stars barely able to be seen. The sky is various shades of what he would assume is orange, pink, and purple but really he wouldn’t know. At that moment he wished he was able to see the world with the correct colors.

George let out a sigh and continued to walk to his dorm building. The test he had been studying for is on Monday and Winter break started on Wednesday. As to why it started halfway through the week he doesn’t really know but that’s less classes he had to stress about so he doesn’t mind. He had almost all weekend to study. He’ll put his phone on do not disturb, turn on some music and study till his brain hurts. However, Bad is right, he needed to rest up or else he risked the chance of sleeping through his test again. That can not happen, even if he had to lose a day of studying. It's better than not even seeing the test. He still can’t believe just how much is relying on him doing well on this. He got into this school on a coding scholarship, something about the workforce needing to be more diverse. It didn’t really matter, all that mattered was that he kept his scholarship. If he lost it he wouldn’t be able to afford studying in the states and would have to move back home. Back to a place with nothing but bad memories.

George finally made it to his dorm building and swiped his card to get in. Finally he can get to bed, his eyes felt like they had bricks tapped to them. He walked to the elevator because the thought of going up the stairs made him want to crawl into a hole and die. He pressed his floor and leaned against the back wall. Avoiding the mirror next to his face at all costs. A noise caught his attention telling him he was at his floor. His door is a good ways away from the elevator which, right now, is a bit upsetting but it’s overall a good thing because he doesn’t have to hear all the drunk babbling as they stumbled back to their rooms at six in the morning. He had never been the party type. Addiction ran in his family and he’s never wanted to risk it enough to try anything. Plus it just seemed useless if he was being honest. Why do you need to get drunk or high to have fun with your friends?

He saw his door, the second to last one, and picked up the pace. As he reached his door he got into his backpack and got the keys out. He unlocked the door and swung it open. George loved to keep his apartment cold, it helped him sleep better. He closed and locked his door, dropped his bag, and slipped off his shoes before he started on his way to the bedroom.

He never bothered keeping his bed made, after a while it started to feel more like a personal nest and just felt too wrong to mess up at that point. He quickly pulled his shirt over his head and his pants to the floor as he walked over to his clean clothes, which he still hadn’t put away even after a week since they'd been washed. He pushed his underwear down in favor of some black sweatpants and threw an oversized black hoodie over his head. George grabbed his phone from his pants pocket and plugged it in. Quickly he turned off the lights. He was finally done getting ready for bed so he lied down for the night.

The coolness of the blankets quickly got replaced with body heat the longer he stayed there. The last thing to do before he could sleep is to turn on some music. George had always had a hard time calming his mind long enough to get a good night's sleep. Music seemed to help just enough so that he could fall asleep and stay asleep most of the time. So he reached over for his phone and turned on his sleeping playlist as well as setting the sleeping timer so it would stop the music after thirty seven minutes. He set his phone back down and turned his back to it. The last thing he heard before he slipped into his own mind's fantasies is the voice ringing in his ears.

Chapter Text

George’s room was cold. That’s his first thought of the day. It often was actually. He enjoyed the feeling of his nose being slightly numb and his cold feet against his warm legs. It was a part of his daily routine at that point. His eyes feel glued shut. He doesn’t mind though, it was keeping the bright sun out of his eyes. He was never really a morning person anyway. He never enjoyed being woken up, especially when it’s for school. He rolled over to face the wall, away from the light coming in from the window.

He had spent all weekend at his desk with his nose in his book. Only stopping to sleep and to use the bathroom. But at least he won’t be tired when he finally takes this test. George feels great about the test. Which is quite a new development, as he usually feels very nervous right before any sort of major assignment. He had spent twice as long studying for this as anyone he knew. There was a lot riding on this and George was not letting all of this go down the drain.

Just as he was about to go back to sleep and ignore the textbook sitting on his desk, there was a loud banging on his door. Oh right that’s what woke him up in the first place. George groaned loudly hoping the person knocking would get that he’s sleeping and leave him alone. Again not really a morning person. Apparently the person on the other side of his door can’t take a hint as they only knock louder and more persistent.

George rolled out of bed and the chill of his room set in around him making him shiver. He quickly walked to the door. He swung it open angrily about to tell the person on the other side off. However he’s stopped by the person walking right past him into his room. The interaction barely gave George enough time to realize who it even was. With his eyes wide and mouth open from the shock he slammed his door and turned to them.

“What the hell are you doing here so early?!” George spoke loud but it was obvious he was more curious than he was mad. His voice cracked a little showing that he had just woken up. Even though it was already obvious with the way he was dressed, his messy hair, and drool stained chin.

“I knew you’d oversleep again. You should thank me, really. Do you even know what time it is? It’s nine o’clock. Do you know what time your class starts? Nine thirty, you have thirty minutes to get your ass dressed, out that door and to class on time if you even want a shot at your test.” Sapnap always had his best interest at heart. It was sweet.

“I did set an alarm, thank you very much. I guess I just slept through it.” George had quickly started to filter through his clothes trying to find something comfy to wear while not looking like he just dragged himself out of bed. He was still looking for the hoodie he wanted when he replied. He can’t even begin to stress about the fact that he almost missed the most important test of his life. Sometimes his friends being in his business all the time wasn’t so bad.

“Whatever. I knew you’d be dumb anyway. I mean, have you heard your accent? Anyway I’m already done with school until after the break, I don’t have classes between now and then. Do you want to hang out after you’re done? You’ve been so busy it’s like I never even met you.” Sapnap watched with an amused look as George grinned widely with his hoodie in hand before he threw it on over his shirt. Sapnap had always loved spending time just talking with his friend even though he would never tell George that. George would just laugh at him anyway. They were never too serious with each other. Sapnap sat down on George’s bed and looked back to him.

“Yeah sure, I don’t have anything to do after class anyway. I’ve been so busy studying it feels like my brain is about to burst. And turn around I don’t want to eyeing my ass.” Sapnap scoffed but turned his head anyway, George pulled on some clean underwear and different sweatpants. He grabbed his clean socks from the laundry basket and sat down beside Sapnap. Sapnap turned back around and checked the clock on George’s phone.

“If you hurry you won’t have to run to class. Come on I’ve literally never seen someone put on their socks slower than you are right now. What are you, a hundred years old? You’re going to be late.”

George rolled his eyes but ultimately did put them on faster. After he got all his school books back into his bag and his shoes on his feet. He grabbed his phone and turned to see Sapnap already looking at him.

“Lock the door when you leave, don’t eat all my food, and absolutely don’t sleep in my bed. I’ll see you in a bit.” George put his phone in his pocket and his backpack on his back and headed for the door. Right as he stepped into the hall he felt a hand on his shoulder. Sapnap quickly pulled him into a tight hug before he even knew what was happening. He just stood there stiffly.

“Good luck, Georgie, I know you’ll do great, don’t stress about it.” Sapnap spoke in a terrible british accent to hide his sentiment but George knew it was there. George gave him a small pat before he pulled away and muttered a “thank you, idiot” He walked away not looking back.

To say George was tired would be an understatement. Waking up then taking a test right after probably isn’t the best idea ever. However he felt confident he did well on it. The air around him was warmer than it should be seeing as it’s winter. George was on his way back to his dorm after he had finished his class. He refused to think anything but positive thoughts about his test. He did well, he had to have done well right? Yes, of course because he spent days upon days studying till his eyes felt like they were bleeding. So only positive thoughts. He nailed that test.

As George pushed open his door he heard a laugh bounce off his walls. George walks into the small room to see Sapnap sitting on his bed with a controller in his hand.

“Sapnap, why are you still here?” Okay so maybe that sounded more rude then how he had hoped it would have come out. George was tired and all schooled out if you ask him. So maybe he did want Sapnap out so he could sleep. Maybe he wanted Sapnap out so he could finish making his plan to stay here.

“I wanted to hangout with you. You’ve had your nose stuck in a book for a week. I just kind of miss you I guess.” Sapnap didn’t look up at him as he spoke. He was nervous. Nervous George would make fun of him, or maybe he’s nervous George would kick him out anyway. George would never do either of those things.

“Whatever, what are you playing? We can play for a while but then I have something I need to do.” George seemed a bit off as he spoke about his future plans. So obviously Sapnap noticed something wasn’t right. He always did.

“No you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’m staying the night Georgie. Now please enlighten me on what we need to do later.” Sapnap put emphasis on the ‘we’ like it wasn’t up for debate.

George sighed and sat down next to Sapnap. He rested his head on the others shoulder. This is what was so special about their friendship. One second they’re arguing about who gets the last slice of pizza and the next they’re spilling their darkest secrets out in the dead of night. Quiet whispers filled with faith the other wouldn’t spill them out. Loud yelling with the hope the other would know they didn’t actually mean it. It was unique to them and them only. Sapnap was the first person George met at this school. He was the first person he trusted after the tragedy that is his past. Sapnap knew everything. Which is so much more than he’d even thought about telling the others. He can trust Sapnap and he knows it.

“I’m not going home this week. For winter break, I’m going to stay here.” It took a second for Sapnap to remember why George wouldn’t go to see his family. Once he did he draped an arm over George’s shoulder, he pulled him closer.

“Where is here? You can’t stay on campus, you know that right?” Sapnaps voice is softer than it usually is. It’s like he’s treading over broken glass. Like he’s being extra careful not to break George. He can’t tell if he likes it or not.

“You know I’m not rich, I can’t stay in a hotel. I absolutely won’t go with anyone else so don’t even offer because I know you will. I’m just going to sneak and stay here. How hard can it be? Once everyone leaves I’ll have the whole campus to myself. It’ll be peaceful.” George sounds confident. He sounds like he won’t budge, like he’s already made his mind up. Sapnap can tell he won’t be able to change his mind on this. He can tell there’s no way he could make George just come with him.

“Is there really nothing that I can do? What if I just pay for your hotel? You could come with me, I know you just said you wouldn’t but it would be fun. You could meet my sister, she would love you. What if you get caught?”

“You won’t change my mind on this Sap. I can’t handle the guilt that comes with spending the break with your family. If I’m honest, a few weeks alone sounds nice anyway. And I’m not going to get caught because I have the sneakiest person I know to help me.”

Their voices are soft. The air was thin around them. George lifted his head off Sapnaps shoulder. He wasn’t very fond of physical contact. Only really doing it with Sapnap and Bad.

“Will you help me figure out how to do it, please?” George knew Sapnap would say yes, he always did. Few people can actually say no to George.

“Of course” So they started coming up with a way for George to stay in his dorm and a backup plan just in case this one failed. After many hours they got hungry so they ordered food and played some Minecraft. It was finally time for bed. Sapnap, true to his word, got comfortable on the right side of George’s bed. He knew George liked the side next to the wall best. George slipped into bed that night with nothing but hopeful thoughts about both his test score and how he will spend his holiday.

It’s Wednesday. The last day to leave before winter break. The plan is officially a go. Sapnap is all packed and is excited to see his family. George on the other hand is nervous. Who can blame him? If he gets caught he could get in a lot of trouble. He’s sitting on his bed, dressed and ready to go. They’ve planned this out perfectly, at least they did in his mind. He’s been rerunning the steps in his head since they made them on Monday.

Step one: Check outs. More specifically, Sapnap checks out for the both of them. You see they all can check out of campus the day they leave just for proof incase some vandalism happens. You never want to be blamed for something you didn’t do. So obviously most students check out just to avoid getting the blame. However it’s still optional for students to do it. George and Sapnap thought it would be best if George had proof he was off campus the whole time. Even if he wasn’t. George would just check out himself but no one is allowed back on campus after they do so. Obviously that was out of the picture. Step one is relying on Sapnap‘s ability to distract people so they don’t notice he put two names down and his ability to lie in case they do. To George’s luck Sapnap is great at both of those things.

Step two: Timing. Sapnap needed to check them out just before the school does dorm checks and locks the dorm buildings. Right after that they’ll do a sweep of the campus, then lock the gates to the school after it’s all clear. He needs to do this late because if George gets caught Sapnap has convinced him to come visit his family with him. George would have no choice but to leave campus anyway and with no place to stay it was a nice backup plan.

Step three: George’s part. Since they’re going to check every single room for people there’s no way George is going to risk getting caught in one of them. So they thought of the only other thing they could do. George wouldn’t be in the dorm building. That came with two problems, he would need a way back in after they locked them and he would need a place to hide where no one would look.

George looked down to where his phone rested in his lap as it bussed. Sapnap had texted him. His hands are shaking, it’s about five minutes before they start to check dorms for any people. All George was waiting for was a text telling him if Sapnaps’ part had worked or not. Telling him if they had already got caught. What was on his phone was the make or break of his healing winter break alone. To say he was stressed would have been an understatement. He was running out of time though, he still had to finish his part of course. He checks the phone.

“IT SO WORKED DUDE!!! GET ON WITH IT OR YOU’LL BE WITH ME FOR WEEKS BABYYY!!!” The text made George laugh a bit, Sapnaps text usually did. George thinks he texts like a twelve year old who just told their crush they liked them.

“Okay, I’m on my way out now.” George texts back quickly. He turned his phone off and slipped it into his pocket as he stood up. He looked over to make sure the first part of his part of the plan was complete. In order to get back in they decide that George should put something in between the window and where it closed. So the window won’t close no matter how much someone tries unless they know how to fix it. To be extra safe he pushed his bed in front of it. If you didn’t look closely you couldn’t even tell it was open. They have a lot of rooms to check anyway. They probably won’t notice.

George let out a breath and grabbed his bag. Knowing that the first part was complete he started the second. Which just meant he had to hide. If there was one thing George was good at, it was hiding. He actually already knew where he was going to go. He already has a spot which no one knows about. A spot where no one would even begin to think to look.

George made his way out of his building and to the football field. He didn’t run into anyone seeing as everything was minutes from closing. He walked to the tree line on the opposite side of the field. There was a huge oak tree, that’s where he started his path to his quiet place.

When he first arrived in America it was really hard on him. Most of his life he had his family there to help if he ever needed it, but nothing lasts forever right? So when he was here and alone he needed a place where he could be himself. The same him that his parents kicked out, the same him that his friends betrayed. He needed a place to let out the parts of himself he now kept hidden from everyone else.

He made his way down the path, all the way to a small clearing. A stump of a tree looking out at the mountains. It was beautiful here all year long, mountains covered in snow or red leaves or flowers and rain or newly green leaves. This was his happy place. He could be himself here and no one would hear or see. No more rumors.

By the time he got there it was dusk, the bright moon lit up his seat. He threw his backpack down beside the stump and sat. He won’t stay long, just long enough so they can check the dorms and leave. Then Sapnap would call him to tell him it’s all clear and he’ll head back to his dorm to see if he can still get in through the window.

After about thirty minutes of silence and a wonderful view his phone rang. He answered the call quickly. He was getting very tired. Sapnap gave him the all clear and next thing he knew he was outside the fire escape. George made his way up the stairs to his window. Sure enough it was slightly open. He let out a sigh of relief and climbed in. He quickly called Sapnap back to tell him that he got in and that Sapnap could leave. After much persuasion he was alone. Completely alone.

George woke up to the sun shining in his eyes and breeze chilling him to the bone. He slowly sat up in his bed. Today was going to be a good day. He was going to do something fun and relax, maybe even decorate for the holidays. He felt cold and tired but the flame of hope in his chest was warm enough to pull him from his bed.

George walked to his closet to change out of yesterday’s clothes, he must have fallen asleep in them last night. He pulled off his hoodie and sweats for a cleaner version of both. Once he was dressed it was time to leave his room. He needed to go to the bathroom and get something to eat. He pulled his door open and carefully stepped out into the quiet hall. The bathroom was only a few doors down from his room. Even though he had no reason to think someone else was here with him he couldn’t shake the feeling of someone else being there too. He quickly walked to the bathroom and locked the door. After he was done he washed his hands and was back out into the hall. George hadn’t put much thought into what he would eat for a couple weeks. It should be more worrying than it actually is. He thought about where he could get food from, he had been saving some snacks in his dorm for emergencies. This feels like an emergency to him. George went back to his room, still unnecessarily quiet.

George had finished his breakfast a few hours ago, he was lying on his bed bored out of his mind. He had music on in the background. This song means a lot to him. It probably has some official meaning but to him it always felt like a loss of hope. To this day he still feels the same thing he felt the first time he ever listened to it. He feels the twist of the knife in his stomach, the pools of tears in his eyes. He feels the falling of his heart, all the hope he had left now disappearing into the void of betrayal. He feels the want of peace that comes with the end of the song. He raised a hand to his eye and just as he had expected they were damp. He was so tired of crying, he was tired of the littlest things making his whole day miserable. The last note of the song played through his phone leaving him with a few seconds of silence.

That was until he heard a door open. No, he was alone; he must be hearing things. There is no way someone else is here. So many questions ran through George’s head. What if it’s a teacher? What if someone broke into the school? What if this was all a nightmare? What if he gets caught? The sound of a door closing shook him from his thoughts. He must be hearing things. He’s alone, they checked all the dorms. At least that’s what Sapnap had told him. Although he did manage to sneak his way in. What makes it any harder for someone else? Who else would want to stay here though?

He had to stop being so paranoid. There’s no way anyone but him is here, it was probably just the air conditioning kicking on or something. George takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He doesn’t remember hearing anything before now. It was about midday, there’s no way someone was quiet for that long, he reminded himself. George’s mind was racing for a reasonable explanation. It was racing for the next step in the plan. He always had a next step planned. George however didn’t anticipate this. He didn’t have a next step. He’s been thrown into the freezing ocean with no warning. He’s drowning in the wonders of what to do next. He could go see if someone is actually there but what if it’s true. It’s an unreasonable thought he knows but he can control them. The ‘what if’s’ are getting too much. They’re filling his throat and spilling out his nose. He decided fresh air would do him some good. He pushed back all the crazy thoughts of irrational things. He’s alone and safe. He can go outside into the sun. He can do it. George repeats these over and over as he pulls on his shoes and heads out his door, down the hall and into the elevator. It really was a huge reach to think someone would want to stay on campus when they could do literally anything else. George jumps a bit at the ding but makes his way out of both the elevator and building successfully.

The sun felt good on his face. He doesn’t get out as often as one should but he doesn’t mind much. He has a weird liking for how pale his skin gets. It makes him feel like a fragile porcelain doll, something for people to be careful with. Truly the thought of someone caring enough to not let him crack made George shiver. He was walking around just enjoying the feeling of being the only person in the world. He found that his feet were leading him to his look out. The place where he truly was the only person who mattered. He’s never been there when he was completely alone. Miles of emptiness surrounded him. Geroge couldn’t wait to just be himself for the first time in months. It’s so exhausting to pretend you’re someone you’re not. He took his eyes off his shoes to look up, he knew he was closed and he was excited. He can see the tree line right across the football field. The football field that was about 10 feet in front of him. The football field that had someone on it.

George stopped with a gasp, his heart dropped in fear at who he saw. The voice was there. He was right in front of one of the most frightening people he had ever heard of. He’s heard the arguments in the hall from his classroom. He’s heard the rumors. But who was he to believe rumors. His eyes were wide and his breath was short. He wished he would have gone with Sapnap. He wished he would have stayed in his bed. He wished he would have never told anyone his secrets. He wished no one would have betrayed him. He could be safe from the horror that is this voice.

The man has yet to look up at him. He’s too busy throwing footballs down the field. If George turned and ran right now the man might not even notice. George's palms were sweating and his nails were threatening to make their mark in them. He needed to leave. He needed his special place. He needed to breathe. He got none of those things though because just as he took one step back the man snapped his eyes to meet his.

His eyes show nothing behind them. It’s like an empty shell was peering into George’s soul. It’s like he was alone again. Just not a comfortable type of alone. The type you feel when you’re eating lunch alone or reading aloud in class. The isolating type of alone. In that moment all he felt was fear. He was terrified for what was to come. He knew he didn’t react well to aggression. George knew his eyes would fill up with tears at the first sign of anger towards him. He almost ran at the voice that filled his ears. Dreams voice.

“What the hell are you doing here?” There it is.

Chapter Text

“What the hell are you doing here?” His voice ripped through George’s body like a twisted knife. The rumors of fists and blood filled his head. Dream is known for being irrational when it comes to anger. However rumors are rumors. People love to gossip, they love to make things up in order to make the juiciest stories. He’s not in a position to believe any rumors considering his past but in that moment they felt to have been proven true. George was scared.

“I was just going for a walk?” George’s breath was shaking, anyone would be able to tell he was nervous. He knows that’s not what Dream meant but what else could he say? He couldn’t say that he can’t afford a hotel. He won’t say he can’t go back home. What could he say? What won’t ruin his reputation? What wouldn’t be fuel for rumors?

“No, I meant, what are you doing here?” Dream put enfaces on here. It’s obvious what he wants. However it’s obvious that George doesn’t fold that easily.

“I could ask you the same thing.” George pushed all the voices in his head telling him to stop to the back. He's got this. Dream knows nothing about him. There’s no way he gives in just to be yet another person to feel the wrath that is Dream.

“But you didn’t. Who even are you? You look twelve, are you even allowed to be here? Or did you lose your mommy?” He pulled a mocking pout at the insult. He acted as if he was talking to an actual child.

“I literally go to school here and no I didn’t lose my fucking mommy. But from the looks of it you never even saw yours.” He had said too much already and he knew it. He wasn’t gonna give up though, this felt too important. This was George’s time to win.

“Oh really you want to do that. If you didn’t lose your mommy then where is she, huh? From the sound of your accent I would guess, an ocean away, maybe? So tell me, why are you here ‘alone’ instead of with her?” His voice wasn’t loud, it was soft and sarcastic. His voice picked him up off the ground just to stab him in the stomach with an insult. The volume of it may have been low but so was the kindness in it. That was somehow worse. Being able to feel the hatred in the air rather than just hear it. It almost made George choke from just how obviously unwanted he was in that moment. He can do this.

“You’re here in the middle of the day throwing footballs to yourself when you could be at home with your mother. Now stop projecting your pathetic life onto mine and tell me what you’re doing here.” That was it. That was all George had to give. All the breath left in his lungs. All the hate he had to give to someone seemingly undeserving. Apparently that didn’t go both ways but really who expected it to?

“I play college football. Do you look up from your book long enough to understand how much practice that takes or do you just sit and worry about if you’re still a month ahead of the rest of the class? It’s no wonder I have no clue who you are. I doubt you’ve been seen anywhere else but the library.” Dream was much louder now. George was wrong before, it’s so much worse when you can not only hear how much someone doesn’t like you but also taste it. He has to get out of here. He was supposed to be healing. He was supposed to be looking out at beautiful trees and feeling the cold air slice through his pale skin. He needs to leave.

“My name is George dickhead. Maybe if you put that ball down for five seconds you would know other people than just your own fucking team.” With that he walked past him and into the woods. Leaving a confused Dream in his wake.

George had the path memorized, of course he did. He couldn’t begin to count the amount of times he had walked here with blurred eyes. So many tear filled nights spend on this very ground looking up at the stars. This felt like it would lead to that. The sun was still up, slightly heating the chill off his face. He was running. He didn't run very often, opting out of when they would play sports in gym class in order to sit and make flower crowns. They were pretty. He still makes them now and then. Sapnap enjoys wearing them. He says they’re like fairy crowns and that George is his own personal fairy. The thought brought a smile pushing at his tear stained cheeks just in time for him to reach his own personal sanctuary. He would always feel safe here. Right?

He took a seat on the stump and sighed. The view here has always been his favorite. It’s the perfect setting to such a tragic life. The beauty of nature conflicted wonderfully with his dumpster fire of a day. He thinks about how he's sitting on the edge of a cliff waiting for the wind to pick up. The trees would whisper encouragement in the breeze. They would want to feel the wind in their leaves almost as much as he wished for a push. He has always waited for the push. Never having the courage to take control of much in his life. He let his friends ask him the questions and he would answer with trust. They would tell everyone and he would do nothing, no matter how much he wished he would have. He waited for the day he would come home to see the disappointment on his own parents' faces. When the day came he would let them say whatever they pleased. He would let them yell and scream. He was never great at control. He left and now here he is. He took control, as much as he could anyway. He fought back and it felt good. It felt good to be the one filled with rage.

However they never tell you about the aftermath. They don’t talk about the shockwaves that leave nothing but disaster in their path. He felt it now. As the tears ran down his face. He felt the pain that is hatred. They don’t talk about how much words hurt. Even if they’re your own. They stab his chest and twist the knife. It’s different being on the other side of anger. It’s different when the other person is just as, if not more, angry as you are. The guilt is all the same though. The thought of him crying at the words just like he was. What if he stabbed him too.

Some would argue that the view is too beautiful for such thoughts. That his tears seem out of place. He hoped that they would never understand his twisted view on nature. He prayed that when they look out at the sunset they don’t see the end of yet another miserable day. Maybe one day he’ll be able to look out at the shades of grey that they call a sunset and see something other than the end. Maybe one day he can see hope again.

That day isn’t today though because he just felt a raindrop. He’s not really sure how long he has been sitting here but apparently it’s been long enough for the sky to cloud over. As much as he doesn’t want to head back inside. It’s absolutely too cold to sit here soaking wet.

It takes him a few moments to stand up but when he does he’s quick on his feet. The trees provide a good cover from the rain but not enough to keep his shivers at bay. His hoodie is too wet and his legs are too cold when he finally makes it to the tree line. He’s not sure what he was expecting when he got there but this really wasn’t it.

Dream was sitting in the middle of the field looking at the trees. His face showed no sign of emotion. His clothes were littered with grass stains and dripping wet. With no trees to cover his head it was a given that his clothes would be wetter than George’s. He was holding his football in his gloved hand, it appears he had already put up all the other ones. As Dreams eyes scan the trees again they meet George’s. He stood quickly and began to walk over to George. George was shaking, it was obvious. What was causing it, not so much. It could be the fact that he was just sobbing in the middle of the woods like a child because someone yelled at him and he yelled back. Maybe because that very person was walking to him like he was his prey. Or maybe it was just that he was chilled to the bone by the wet wind.

“Where the hell did you go?” His voice holds nothing in it. All emotions have slipped through his fingers and onto the ground. It’s like they’ve got mixed in with the rain and soak the roots. There’s nothing there.

“None of your business.” George’s voice is shaky just like the rest of him. His jaw is chattering and his cheeks are pink. He wrapped his arms around his stomach to help protect from both the cold and the hungry deep inside. All he has to do is get back to his dorm for some warm clothes and a snack. No better time than now right? He makes to walk right past Dream but right as he’s almost made it something grabs his arm. He pulled it away harshly as he turned.

“Where are you going?” Maybe there’s something there. For a moment George swears that Dream looks worried. Just for a moment though. As quick as it came it was gone.

“None of your business.” George repeats. God he has so many questions doesn’t he?

“Well personally I don’t want to starve so I’m going to the dining hall. Which is definitely unlocked. You’re welcome to come if you want. I just don’t see how someone could stock up enough food for a whole break in their small dorm.” With that Dream started his way to the dining hall. Completely ignoring the downpour around them.

George stood there stunned. On one hand he did need something to eat but on the other this person clearly hates him. Let's just say George isn’t someone to easily forget and forgive. But nonetheless his stomach overpowered any other thoughts. With his pride put away he started behind Dream. The rain around him seemed to only be getting colder. If it kept on like this it would be snowing in no time.

Dream didn’t look back to see if George was with him or not. It was like he either knew he was there or he just didn’t care. He probably didn’t care. George tightened his arms around him as he got hit with yet another chilling wind. They need to get inside quickly before they freeze to death. He kept his eyes on Dreams back. Watching as his arms swung with his footsteps. He thinks about how much taller Dream is than him. He wonders why Dream even asked him to join him in the first place. It seems suspicious if you ask him.

He was so busy keeping warm and letting his mind run free that he almost missed that they had arrived. Just a few more steps and they’d be out of this deadly rain. He swears he can see icicles growing from his fingers. Dream heads up the stairs first. He runs up to them fast unlike the pace they had come here with. Why go fast now when you’re already soaked? George followed up the stairs.

He almost regretted coming. Being unwanted wasn’t something George coped easily with. However when Dream reached the door and opened it he didn’t walk in. He held the door and looked over to George to signal him to go first. So not only did Dream know that he was here but he also seemed to want him here. Odd.

The first thing George noticed when he walked in was how warm it was. The second was how weird everything looked in the dark and empty. The room wasn’t pitch black, it was only dark because of the clouds blocking the setting sun from the windows. This room was always one of George’s favorites. From the beautiful oak wood beneath his feet to the floor to ceiling windows that lined most of the room. The building was pretty tall. You could almost see the tops of the trees.

The dozens of round tables sat empty but neat. They must have cleaned them before they left. George rarely came here. All his friends run on different schedules and he’s too anxious to come alone. Sometimes Sapnap would drag him out of his dorm to go eat so much it felt like they would throw it all up. Then they would go play video games in Sapnaps room and end up passed out on top of one another. Those days were some of his favorites.

It wasn’t until Dream walked past him with a huff that he realized he was just standing in the middle of the entrance. Yet again Dream didn’t look back as he walked to the kitchens. He just trusted that George would follow. They weren’t allowed in the kitchens obviously but they also weren’t allowed to be here right now so it didn’t really matter did it?

“I told them to make sure everything was in stock for me.” Dreams' voices echoed off the empty tables as they continued to walk to the door in the back of the room.

“They who? Do they know you’re here?” George’s jaw is still chattering as his freezing clothes cling onto his pale skin.

“They, as in the kitchen staff. And yes.” His jaw almost dropped at the words Dream spoke. They knew he was here? They let him stay?

“So they let you stay here? Why?” Dream pushed through the door with a huff and held it open for George just like he did with the front door. George quickly entered to not make him stand there for too long.

“God, you have a lot of questions.” It was clear he was annoyed but George couldn’t bring himself to care.

George sat down on a stool that was facing the glass that outlooked the tables on the other side. He turned in it to see Dream pulling food out of the fridge and onto the counter.

“What are you doing?” Another question he realized afterwards. Maybe Dream was right, maybe he did have a lot of questions. Dream let out a breathy laugh but didn’t stop what he was doing.

“Making dinner obviously” George didn’t say anything back. He just turned to look out the windows on the other side of the room. It was still pouring rain and he was still freezing. He had always loved the rain no matter how cold or how warm it was. It could cause the whole town to lose power and he wouldn’t mind. Rain always meant so much to him. It just felt like the whole world was getting a break. Like all the problems were put on hold and you were meant to enjoy the pitter patter of the droplets. He loved the idea that rain was Mother Nature giving the fish a show. George had once been in a pool when it started to rain. He would sit on the bottom with his goggles and watch the rain mix in with the chlorine filled water for as long as he could hold his breath. So he only assumes it would be just as magical for fish as it was for him. He hopes that’s true.

“You’re not allergic to anything right?” George had almost forgotten that he wasn’t alone. He jumped at the reminder.

“No, I don’t have any allergies.” He turned to see that Dream had gotten out two steaks seasoned and ready and was washing some potatoes.

“I can help if you want. I’m not very good but I’m sure I can cut something.” George didn’t wait for an answer as he was already on his way off the stool and to the counter. Dream answered anyway.

“Sure just don’t cut yourself, I don’t want to clean that up.” George took his place at the sink and finished washing them. When he was done he set the potatoes on the cutting board and went to wash his hands. He dried his hands on a towel and grabbed a knife. Dream gave him a look as if telling him to be careful. George doesn’t see it.

“Are you a good cook?” George’s mind always had been filled to the brim with questions. It made learning easier because he could mentally check off each question as he learned the answer. Only for another question to fill its place. It was exhausting sometimes. His mind never really shut up.

“I’m good at cooking certain things.” Dream didn’t seem like he wanted to talk. He looked annoyed so George stopped. They both worked on their jobs separately. George finished cutting the potatoes and gave them to Dream to cook. Dream put them in a pot with water on the stove then started to cook the steaks. He gave George some vegetables to cut for their salads. They finished in silence.

“Will you get us some drinks and set a table please?” Dream was elbows deep in the cabinet full of plates.

“Sure what do you want to drink?” George grabbed some napkins and silverware and set them on the counter for easy access later.

“Water is fine.” George grabbed two bottles of water in one hand and the napkins and silverware in the other. He walked out the door and to a table right beside the window. He put the bottles down before putting the napkins in their place and then he set the silverware on them. Right as he finished Dream came out of the kitchen with two plates in hand. He set one on each side then sat down. George took the side of the table with the best view of the rain for obvious reasons.

They ate with no words shared between them. George kept his eyes trained on the rain. His brain was almost as cloudy as it was outside. He thought about how someone had to make the chair he’s sitting in and how someone way back when had to figure out how to make glass and because they did he’s looking out a window. It almost feels like he's in a TV show. Like everything around him is just a set someone built to make a pleasing view for the audience. He thinks about what Sapnap is doing as he comes close to finishing his plate. Sapnap is probably eating with his family or watching a movie in the living room with his sister. While George is here wet, cold and with someone who very clearly wants him gone. It’s okay though because soon he’ll be in his dorm under the cover with no one to share his air with. God he couldn’t wait to be alone again.

George finished first. He took his last bite then started to pick his things up to take them to the kitchen. Dream didn’t even look up from his plate as George walked away. George entered the kitchen to see the mess that they created. Of course he wasn’t going to just leave it.
Dream entered ten minutes after George to find him washing the dishes and pans they used.

“You don’t have to do that. I’m more than happy to clean up besides your almost shivering. If you don’t get dry soon you might get hypothermia or a cold.” George wasn’t going to leave him with this mess no matter how much his body rebelled from the chill of his clothes. He’s felt worse anyway.

“No, I'm not going to leave you to clean either. Especially after you made dinner. Just grab a towel and start drying then we’ll be out of here in no time.”
So that’s exactly what they did.

George’s stomach was in knots from the dread of having to get back to his room in the rain. They finished cleaning a few minutes ago. They stood in the doorway trying to get themselves to walk out into the rain. George reached his hand out to feel the droplets on his skin. It was cool but not nearly as cold as he remembered it being. Experimentally he walked in the downpour. It felt like George was being pricked by hundreds of needles at first but after a few seconds it got so much more bearable. He almost enjoyed it. He felt like a kid again as he tilted his head back and like the water hit his eyelids. It took everything in him not to stick his tongue out to collect some on it. Although no matter how much he enjoyed it, he was cold. Very cold. So he moved to look back forward only to be met with Dreams eyes on him.

“You done now?” Annoyed. That’s how Dream sounds. That’s how he always sounds. It felt like George had just been punched in the stomach. He doesn’t understand how someone can be so angry yet somehow emotionless all the time.

“And if I’m not?” It was sassy and he knew it.

“Then you’ll be too busy getting the concrete out of your mouth to explain yourself for sneaking onto campus. Now I got shit to do, that I actually enjoy, now that I’ve done my charity for the day. So move before I make you.” His words tear through George’s brain like it was nothing. They felt a sour taste in his mouth that no amount of toothpaste and mouthwash could get out. He knew Dream hated him. He just never considered that he thought George was a charity case. He never considered that he was that bad to be around. No matter how hard it was though Dream couldn’t see that it hit him so hard. So he stepped out of the way with a roll of his eyes and let him pass.

“Whatever asshole.” He just wanted to go home. Wherever home was he wanted to be there. It was a common occurrence. He had begged to be home to himself in the dark his whole life. He would beg to be home as his dad sighed before going on another rant about how much of a disappointment he was. He would beg to go home in his childhood bed for no clear reason. He was in his house most of the time it would happen. When he moved here it didn’t stop. Why would it? When he asked the walls to take him home they said nothing. When he looked in the mirror and didn’t know where home even was he just let the tear fall as he covered it back up. Maybe one day he’ll find home. But until then his dorm will have to do.

He’s numb to the cold by the time he gets to his room. He debated just going straight to bed but the rain water was making his skin sticking and it almost made him want to gag. So obviously that’s where he is now. In the shower. Well more like the shower floor. George closed his eyes and rested his head on his arms where they rested on his knees. It should be disgusting really. So many people step on this floor. But George knew this would happen so earlier in the day he took the time to clean it. Let's just say he’s glad he did. He didn’t bother turning the lights on when he came in; the music coming from his phone was enough to keep him sane. The warm water fell over him much like the rain did earlier. George almost wished it was as cold. He wished it felt like he was turning into ice. Maybe he’s sick for feeling like that but he never really cared anyway.

People often misread him, he thinks. They think he’s weak. They think all he wants in life is an A+ on all the work he does. They don’t get to see George at all. All they see is the smart guy from coding class. They don’t see all George has done. They misread him every single time. They fell to realize that George is strong. He always has been. He knows when to back down and when it’s a fight he can win. He knows his limits and when to push them. George has been through a tornado of a life and he may have some scars and dents but he has yet to fall. He didn’t let the wind take him away no matter how much it hurt to stay. Sometimes he wonders if it was worth it. It never really seems like it was.

However there’s always the possibility that they're reading him exactly how he wants to be read. He did write the story they’re looking at, didn’t he? They see what he wants them to. It’s better that way really. They don’t need to see the boy curled in on himself with a tear stained face. They don’t need to know the way he feels when he watches his whole life go down the drain. He’s been there every single time to watch the show and even he wishes he didn’t have to see it.

There’s a reason the lights are off and all of his mirrors are covered. Maybe it’s not as deep as he’s making it, maybe he’s just dramatic. Maybe Dreams words hurt more than he thought they would. Although for some reason he hoped they wouldn’t wash away with his sins down the drain. He wanted them forever. No matter what he had to do he wanted them to stay. He wanted to carve them into his skin so he could remember the way they made him sting. He needed them to be waterproof.

It was almost laughable really. After so many years of trying and failing to wash words down the drain he now wanted them to stay? He stood up to let the water rush over all of him, warming him to the bone. He rested his back against the wall and let his head fall to look up into the darkness with a thud. His mind continued to wander. It always did. Was anything ever fully waterproof? It seems like even the rocks wash away after a while. They get chipped at their entire life just to become one with the ground after years of being picked apart. It seemed pointless. Is it pointless for humans to even try to fight the erosion of life? George has always wondered why people try so hard to live if they’re just going to die in the end. Maybe their words won’t die. Maybe words are waterproof.

Maybe if they weren’t he would always find a way to remember them. It drew a sad chuckle out of him. He had done it before. He had words play in his mind over and over again until they had nowhere else to go besides with him forever. Unlike most people, George found it beautiful in some sick way. All he had to do was look and they would stare right back. It was miserable to find beauty in such pain. Sometimes he thinks that’s all beauty was made for. To hide the pain.

However as he layed in bed that night feeling the sting of the words that came out of his mouth just hours ago; as he felt the sting of the words that once filled his ears he couldn’t stop the joy he felt in his chest. The sick and twisted joy of never forgetting the hurt. The beauty of broken porcelain.

Chapter Text

The voices were so loud. George can’t believe he let Sapnap convince him to come here. The bleachers were always so cold and sticky. The people were so loud, it gave him a headache. Although he had made Sapnap give him his hoodie, he's still freezing. He knew it would be worth it when he saw the smile on his friend's face when they won. George wished his other friends would get back with his hot chocolate already. His hands crave the warm cut. He can’t wait to burn his tongue on the hot drink.

George was watching even if he didn’t understand the game, he watched Sapnap play. It was a very important game to him so of course he came. How could he not when Sapnap had the biggest smile on his face when he talked about how excited he was for it.

George’s eyes widen as the crowd starts to stand and yell. He looked to see the game over and a seemingly very happy Sapnap. George stood and started jumping and waving his arms when he saw Sapnaps eyes looking for him. When it seemed like Sapnap didn’t see him he decided to just run to him.

Next thing he knew Sapnap had him a foot off the ground spinning them in circles. When Sapnap finally put him down George made sure to tell him how bad he did and how dumb he is. They both knew he was proud. Their friends soon join them with five hot chocolates in hand, George quickly grabs his. They apologized for missing the end of the game but still congratulated him on the win. Wilbur and Niki started up their own conversation while Bad and Sapnap talked about the game. George just listens to his happy friends as they talk amongst themselves.

Wilbur, Niki and Bad didn’t stay much longer. Niki was getting pretty tired and they all drove together so they said a quick goodbye and headed to their car. George had also ridden with them but convinced Sapnap to let him ride with him back to campus. It was a short drive but George just didn’t want to worry about Sapnap doing something stupid. They didn’t stay much longer after that. Sapnap talked to a few people while George just stood by his side. They had a class early the next day so they headed out right after.

They talked about nothing important on the way to Sapnaps truck. When they finally reached it, George pulled on the handle of his door to find it locked. He gave Sapnap an expecting look asking him to unlock it. Sapnap rolled his eyes and rounded the truck as he dug into his bag for his keys. After a few moments he heard Sapnap swear and appear in front of him again.

He said that he forgot his keys in his coat on the bench. George rolled his eyes and held his hand out to hold Sapnaps bag while he ran to get them quickly. This happened more than you would think it would. George really shouldn’t be surprised. Sapnap dropped the bag into his hand and took off. He knew how cold George gets so if he went faster to save his friend some uncomfort than that’s no one's business.

It was fine. George really didn’t mind the wait. When people stumble out of the gate into the parking lot he would laugh at their tired eyes. It was almost calming honestly. So when a loud wheeze shoved its way into his ears he couldn’t help but look for who it came from. There was no one close enough but a couple just a few cars away. He couldn’t see their faces simply because of the odd angle. The man was leaning back against a car while the woman huddled in close. Most likely because of the cool air. Nothing too interesting, he went back to staring at the people leaving. Until he heard a mix of their laughs fill the air again then it stopped abruptly. Out of confusion he turned again to see why. It seemed like they had switched positions now and oh- they were kissing. They kissed like it was their last chance to do so. It was kind of repulsive if you asked him.

Sapnaps voice was heard next. George pulled his eyes off the couple to see Sapnap right beside them. He didn’t talk loud enough for him to hear but Sapnap did cause the man to move in the perfect position for George to see his face. He didn’t recognize him. Although he had only got here a few weeks ago so it’s not a big shocker. The boy was captivating, George couldn’t pull his eyes away from his face.

He doesn’t know how long he was stood staring like a creep but a chilling wind knocked him out of his daze. His shoulder was starting to ache from the weight of Sapnaps bag. Luckily Sapnap was saying bye and jogging over to him. He unlocked the truck and turned on the heat with a silent apology once they got in.

Hewas cold. He always was in the mornings but it was much worse right now. He was shaking curled up under three blankets. The sheets under him weren’t even warm like they usually were. The sun didn’t shine against his eyelids. He let out a loud groan and opened his eyes. He had to blink a few times to be able to see as clearly as he could. The room was unreasonably cold. It never got this cold on normal days. He pulled his hoodie sleeves over his hands and stood. It was even colder without his blankets to act as a shield. He picked them up and draped them over his shoulders. George glanced out the window and was met with a blinding world of white. The gasp that left his mouth when the sting of his eyes got too much was only a little bit embarrassing.

That explains why it’s so cold. The heat probably wasn't high enough to accommodate such temperatures. He slipped on some shoes and left his room in his pajamas and blankets wrapped around him. He looked soft and sleepy. It was cute. He could barely hold his eyes open seeing as he just woke up. He knew this building like the back of his hand even where the thermostat was. So it didn’t matter much if his eyes slipped close for too long. He already knew where everything was. At least he thought he did. He really didn’t expect to bump into something so hard it knocked him on his butt. But alas he did.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going.” Oh yeah. He had forgotten someone else was here.

“Sorry I just woke up. My vision is not great right now, I guess .” He picked himself back up and pulled the blankets tighter around himself, suddenly aware of his appearance. His voice was rougher than it normally was.

“You just woke up? It’s almost noon. And why do you look like a burrito right now?” A blush rose to his cheeks at the thought.

“My room is freezing. I was just coming to turn the heat up a little.”

“No you’re not.”

“What?” George was shocked. Who does this dick think he is?

“I said no. My room is a good temperature and if you turn the heat up it’ll be too hot.” He had to be joking right? George was trying very hard not to slap this man across the face.

“Well mines not. If I stay in there any longer I’ll get sick.”

“Put more clothes on then?” Dream sounded like it was obvious. What a dick.

“Or. You could take more clothes off.” George regretted his poor choice of words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

“Wait that’s not what I-“ A wheeze. He had never heard Dreams laugh before. Why does it feel like he has?

“Oh so you want me to take off my clothes, do you now? That can be arranged if you would like.” George really wanted to slap the smirk off of Dream's face.

“You know that’s not what I mean. Either way I’m turning up the heat. You can melt, I don’t care.” George tried to move around him. He was only a few feet away from the thermostat. Dream stepped in front of him before he could.

“No I'm not going to be sweating in my room in the middle of winter. Just put a hoodie on or something.”
George let a huff out in annoyance.

“I literally slept in a hoodie, sweats and three thick blankets and here I am. I get cold easily, okay? So just move and I can comfortably go on with my day without seeing your face again.”

“No, I’m not going to suffer just so you can be comfortable. I’m staying here too and I say no. If you're so cold go somewhere warmer.” George rolled his eyes. It felt like he was arguing with a child.

“Where exactly do you expect me to go? There’s no way I’m going outside in this weather just to go somewhere warmer when my room could be warm? All the other rooms in the building are locked, not that I would go in them anyway. So tell me where the hell you want me to go?” George was getting very annoyed at this whole situation.

“My room.” He swears his jaw almost hit the floor.

“Your room? Why your room?”

“Because yours is too cold, you won’t go to a different building, and I’m not letting you mess up the perfect temperature of my room. Besides, I just got food from the dining hall.” George wonders how Dream is so calm. They barely know each other and he wants George to just go with him? After everything? After what happened on the field? Somehow the thought of being cold all day was worse.

“Fine. But I’m stealing some of your food and your room better not be a pig sty.” George gave him a look telling him to go. And they did.

Dream led the way and George followed not far behind him. They weren’t very far from Dream's room. It surprised George just how close their rooms were. They were about ten doors down from one another, in a building with a lot of room that wasn’t that much. When they got to Dreams' door it was still slightly ajar. Dream pushed it open and turned to see George’s reaction. Dreams room was quite neat actually. He didn’t have clothes on the floor or papers everywhere. George’s room was still cleaner but it was much better than he was expecting. Dream walked in first then Geogre who shut the door behind him. It was weird to be in a small room alone with him. They didn’t talk for a few seconds before George decided he couldn’t stand it.

“It’s not bad. Mines cleaner.” George took his shoes off with his feet and looked around a bit, he was still clutching onto the blankets around him.

“Is it going to be warm enough for you princess?” He was still being a dick then. George pretended not to notice the smirk on Dream's face or the heat rising onto his own. He scoffed to hide his embarrassment.

“Yeah, it’s so much warmer in here. Why do you get a warm room? You don’t deserve it.” George made his way to Dream's unmade bed and dramatically threw himself on it.

“Make yourself at home then, I guess.” Dream chuckled.

“That’s what I just did obviously.” George playfully rolled his eyes and readjusted his blankets so they were draped over him. He was sitting on all of Dreams. It was warm. He layed back, his head not quite reaching the pillow, while Dream stood a few feet away holding in a laugh at the way George’s eyes droup.

“Are you seriously about to fall asleep in my bed? It’s literally noon?” If George noticed that Dreams voice was quieter than normal he definitely didn’t smile at it.

“Maybe” It was an obvious yes with the way his eyes had officially shut all the way and the way he moved up on the bed to rest his head on Dreams pillows.

“Fine. I guess I’ll just put your breakfast up for later.” George barely heard it.

“Thank you” His voice was so quiet. The last thing he heard before the heat encompassed him was Dreams chuckle and a small, you're welcome.

He didn’t sleep that much longer. The hunger deep in his stomach plus the fact that he already slept through the night didn’t let him rest very long. He didn’t open his eyes for a bit. He just laid there and enjoyed the warmth around him. The blankets underneath him kept the cold from leaking to him through the mattress and the ones on top of him held his heat in perfectly. George rolled over more so he was laying on his stomach with his head in the pillow. He took a deep breath in preparation to open his eyes. He was surprised to find that it didn’t smell like his own. Actually now that he thinks of it, nothing around him feels like his own. He stretched with a groan turning back to look at the ceiling when he opened his eyes. He blinked the tiredness out of them and sat up to look around. It seems like he is in fact not in his own room, rather in a random room he barely recognized. Right as the panic started to set in, the door opened.

“Oh. Look who’s up. I really thought you’d sleep all day.” Oh yeah, he’s in Dreams room, right.

“What time is it?” George looked around for his phone for a second before remembering that he left it on his nightstand in his room.

“A little past noon. You didn’t sleep long. Do you want your breakfast now or should I just throw it out.” Dream was holding a full plate in his hand.

“I’ll have it now.” George moved to sit in the middle of the bed, legs crossed. He reached out and took the plate, setting it in his lap. The plate had three pancakes, some fruit and some sausage on it. George had always loved pancakes so it was obviously good. Dream had made everything just right from the fluffiness of the pancake to the cut of the fruit. George let out a sound at the taste that filled his mouth. It made Dream raise his eyebrows at him.

“So I’m guessing you like it?” George pretended he didn’t feel the blush on his cheeks. Curse his mouth for the sounds that come out of it.

“Yeah it’s really good. I love pancakes.”

“You’re welcome” Dream rolled his eyes and walked over to his desk to sit. They sat in silence as George ate and Dream scrolled through his phone. George really wished he would have grabbed his. After he was done he got off the bed, finally free on his blankets, and put his plate with Dreams on the desk.

“I’m going to get my phone from my room. I’ll be right back.” He didn’t wait for an answer. The door didn’t shut all the way behind him when he left. On the very short walk he wondered what they would do all day. Probably argue. He cursed the cheap heating system of this school in his head. Once in his room he grabbed his phone, choosing to stay in the same clothes he slept in. He grabbed his laptop before he was out again. God, it was so cold in there.

He wasn’t gone long. Dream was still in the same spot when he came back. George took his seat back on the bed and checked his phone. There really wasn’t much he could do on it. He put it to the side with a sigh and opened his laptop.

“What are you doing?” George was used to the voice by now.

“I’m going to play some games. I’m bored” It was either that or code another mod to play with Sapnap when he got back. He wasn’t in the mood to code right now.

“What game?”

“Why does that matter?” George gave him an annoyed look. He rolled his eyes when Dream just followed with his own. “Minecraft”

“Oh cool then we can play together.” Dream was already on his feet and walking to his own laptop on the nightstand.

“What? You play Minecraft?” Dream sat down beside him.

“Of course I do. Who doesn’t?” They were a little too close for George’s liking but he didn’t move, he just kept his eyes on his own screen.

“I just thought that you would think it’d be weird since, y’know, you’re all sporty and stuff.”

“Oh, so sporty people can’t play video games?” Dreams tone was playful as he started up his smp. He gave George the ip and next thing he knew he was being chased and killed over and over. The air around them was full of laughter. His face hurt from how much he was smiling.

A few hours had past on the smp, they had been unsuccessful at beating the game and at building a house for the both of them. They decided to get on bedwars for a bit. Next thing they know the room is filled with a golden hue and their stomachs are grumbling.

After a lot of convincing from George, Dream goes to get dinner and bring it back to the room. Right after Dream left the room, George went over to the window to look out at him as he walked to the dining hall. The ground was covered in snow and it had just started falling for the sky again. George had missed the chill of the UK but not enough to go outside without the proper clothing. When Dream walked out of view he continued to look out the window.

It seemed too easy. They were just fighting in the hall this morning and now they’ve been laughing too close together for most of the day. It felt weird. Every now and then George would get a feeling like it was just a matter of time before Dream snapped and they went back to how it was before. It was too good to be true.

Dream returned to find George’s eyes still glued outside. He had two bags hanging from his hands when George turned to look at him.

“What’d you get?” George eyed the bags when Dream started to pull stuff out of it.

“I hope you like sushi. I went shopping for food before campus closed so I would have good food to eat. Sushi is some of my favorite. I also got some snacks because I thought you might get hungry later since you’ve only had breakfast today. And I grabbed a few waters.” George was shocked at how much thought Dream had put into it. Too good to be true he reminded himself.

“Oh, thanks. I love sushi.” Dream pulled out the tray of sushi and moved to the bed so they could eat. He put it in the middle then sat facing the other side of the tray. Once comfortable he motioned for George to get on the bed. The way they were seated gave them no choice but to look at the other.

For the first time since they started sharing meals they didn’t eat in silence. They only talked about Minecraft, but it was still something. George talked about how he loved the fish and how bad he is at building. Dream talked about how quickly he could beat the game. It was actually quite nice. By the time they were done eating, the sun had set and the only thing lighting Dreams room was the bedside lamp. It was oddly dark.

“Your room is so dark. Is that really all the light you have besides your overhead light?” Dream gave him a big smile and jumped up off the bed, he took the sushi tray with him to put it with his other trash.

“Of course not.” With that he bent over and plugged something in. Christmas lights lit up the room with different shades. George couldn’t tell specifically which ones but he could tell they weren’t like his white ones.

“I have some of these. Yours are so pretty” George looked at how they seemed to wrap around everything. The room felt so cozy now.

“What color are yours? The multicolored ones have always been my favorite. They make everything feel so warm” Ah, so multicolored it was then.

“Mine are just white but I have a few lamps with color changing bulbs so if I had something other than white it would be a little too chaotic for me.” Dream sat back beside him and fell back to look up at the ceiling. George did too after a few seconds.

“So what do we do now?” George spoke a little quieter because of their closeness.

“I don’t know, maybe we could play a game?” Dream thought for a while to come up with that idea.

“We just played Minecraft for hours. My laptop is almost dead.”

“We could play games offline then.” He sounded excited. George didn’t understand why. What games can they play without the computer? Like maybe board games but that didn’t sound very fun.

“Like what games?” Dream looked over at him from where they lay with a devilish smile. They were too close for comfort but it didn’t last long because Dream was now sitting up. He did too.

“Only the best of games” They sat across from each other like they were when they ate. Forced to look at the other.

“What does that even mean?”

“Never have I ever, obviously the best game ever”

“I’ve never played” Dream gasped at his words. George just raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh my god, what kind of shit childhood did you have? Whatever. I'll just explain how it works, okay?”

“Okay” George was hesitant to agree. It sounded scary.

“Basically you have to say something you’ve never done but you think and/or know the other has done. You put down a figure with everything you’ve done. First person with all their fingers down loses. Got it?”

“Yup but you go first.” He didn’t actually get it that much but how hard could it really be? They both held their hands up and so it began.

“Never have I ever, needed glasses” George blushes a bit but puts a finger down.

“Now I go?” Dream nodded
“Never have I ever, um, worn rings.” Dream rolled his eyes, a finger down followed.

“You’ve really never worn rings?” George just shook his head and ignored the breathy chuckle he let out.
“Never have I ever, worn a dress or skirt.” George just put a finger down, no blush present. What? All kids play dress up at one point, right? Maybe he wasn’t a kid, maybe he was seventeen but it was still the same really. Just some casual curiosity. Dream didn’t laugh, that is always a good sign. He did give him a suggestive look though.

“Moving on. Never have I ever, been in a limo.” Dream put a finger down. “Of course you have” Dream just let out a huff.

“Never have I ever, gone to church.” Three. George now has three fingers and a mind full of horrible memories.

“Never have I ever, been to a party.” Dream put a finger down so they’re still tied, both with three fingers down.

“You’ve never been to a party? What!” Dream seemed so surprised. Wasn’t he the one who said George probably never left the library?

“Nope. It’s not really my scene.” George shrugged with his words and motioned for Dream to take his turn.

“Never have I ever been drunk.” George didn’t put a finger down at that.

“You’ve never been drunk? You seem like a party man.” George spoke.

“I am. But you could say that alcohol isn’t really my scene.” He smirked at the use of George’s words from earlier. George just moved on.

“Never have I ever, kissed a girl.” Dream put a finger down and raised his eyebrow.

“Never have I ever, kissed a boy.” George didn’t put a finger down.

“You haven’t had your first kiss?” God George was embarrassed. Of course he wanted to but George never really got close enough to someone for that kind of stuff. He liked to keep people at arms distance and you can’t kiss someone from that far away. He didn’t mind though, really it was fine. His life wasn’t affected by it at all. It wasn’t something he dreamed about.

“Nope.” They felt it at that. Dream could probably feel the embarrassment wafting off George.

“Never have I ever, failed a class.” Another finger down for Dream. George should be surprised. He’s not.

“Never have I ever, done drugs.” George kept his finger up. Dream just smiled.

“Never have I ever, moved schools in the middle of the year.” Dream put a finger down. George was winning with only three fingers down while Dream had six down.

“Never have I ever, picked flowers.” Another finger down for George.

“What! You’ve really never picked flowers?” George really thought everyone did that as a kid. Who can go their whole life without picking a flower?

“I just haven’t had the chance to.”

“That’s tragic.”

“Sure, now take your turn.”

“Never have I ever, beaten Minecraft.” George knew Dream had beaten the game many times. It was no surprise when he put a finger down.

“Oh so that’s how we’re playing now?” He just rolled his eyes.
“Never have I ever, moved countries.” Another finger down for George.

“That’s not fair you already knew that.” George wined.

“You literally just did the same thing to me?”

“Whatever. Never have I ever, won a football game.” Dream now has eight fingers down. George giggled at Dreams huff when he noticed how close to losing he is. Maybe these games aren’t so bad.

“Never have I ever, been in love.” Dream said it in a funny voice to downplay the severity of the question. George didn’t put a finger down. With his cheeks tinted a light pink he hurried with his turn.

“Never have I ever, had a relationship last longer than a few months.” It was a slightly embarrassing thing to say but he knew Dream most likely had at least one long relationship. Turns out he was right, Dream put another finger down. He only needs Dream to put one more down and he wins.

“Never have I ever, been heartbroken.” It didn’t make sense. How can Dream have been in a relationship yet he's never been heartbroken? George didn’t ask questions. That game had gone deeper than he thought it would. He always believed that anyone could break your heart. It didn’t matter if it was family, friends, strangers, or partners. Anyone you give your heart to could break it. At least in his head. He, of course, had given his heart to a lot of people who didn’t deserve it. So to him it was only obvious when he put a finger down. However, he was done with this game. He had given away more than he ever wanted to. He refused to give even a piece of his heart to yet another untrustworthy person. He prepared his question with the hope that Dream, unlike him, had a normal childhood.

“Never have I ever, had a sleepover.” Dream put a finger down, meaning that he won. Before he could bathe in his win he noticed the look of shock on Dreams face.

“You’ve never had a sleepover?” He sounded so wounded.

“Well not really. I’ve had friends sleep over but it’s never actually been planned. It wasn’t like we were playing games, having snacks, and, like, staying up way too late. I’ve never had a sleepover in my opinion of what a sleepover is.”

Dream looked about ready to cry. It wasn’t that big of a deal in George’s eyes. He just hadn’t really had a good enough friend to have a sleepover with most of his life. Sapnap and him had come very close to planning a sleepover but it always fell through. If he’s honest he sometimes wonders what he’s missed out on.

“We are so having a sleepover.” Dream bounded a little with excitement at the thought whilst George just looked confused.

“When?”

“Right now, we’ve got games and snacks and hours to waste. Name a better time for a sleepover?” Dream said a little too loud.

“I really wouldn’t know.” George shrugged.

“There is no better time.” Dream jumped up off the bed. He went over to grab the snacks in the bag before returning to the bed.

“It’s going to be fun I promise. We’ve got popcorn, chocolate, gummies, chips, and little apple juice packs. If we run out of food, which we probably won’t, I’ll just get more. We can play so many games.” By the end of Dreams little tangent George wore a wide smile. No one had ever put so much effort into spending a night with him.

“Oh wow okay, more games? I’ve never really played any?”

Dream gasped dramatically yet again.

“You’ve never played any? Including truth or dare? How is that even possible? Did you grow up in a box or something?” Dream spoke quickly.

“Yeah, I’ve never played truth or dare, it seems scary.”

“We’re playing right now. Grab a snack while I explain, then I’ll start. I’ll ask you, truth or dare, if you choose truth you have to answer a question with the honest truth. If you choose dare you have to do whatever task I say.” George nodded at the instructions and grabbed some gummies to start snacking on.

“Truth or dare.”

“Hm I’ll start out with, truth I think.” George hummed a bit as he spoke.

“What’s one of your deepest darkest secrets?” George's heart stopped for a second. He soon came up with a good answer that didn’t require much exposure.

“I never actually wanted to move to America.” Simple as that.

“Why?” Dream seemed genuinely curious. Too bad that’s all George had to give.

“Only one question.” Dream groaned and motioned for him to take his turn.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Why are you here rather than at your own home?” It was a deep question. He didn’t actually care. Dream sighed and answered with some hesitation.

“There are many reasons. I didn’t want to be with my family. I needed to practice. It would be nice to be truly alone for a bit. Plus my coach owed me so I know I could get him to help if I wanted it.” Dream didn’t give George time to think it all through before he was asking George to choose.

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s go with, dare.”

“I dare you to put on your glasses.” He really tried to stop his cheeks from turning red. He just blinked in Dreams face as if waiting for him to tell him it was a joke. He never should have told him.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, really. It’s a dare you have to. Go get them quickly.” George slowly left the room to go get them. When he got back, with glasses in hand, he was sick with nerves. No one sees him in his glasses. Not even Sapnap or Bad has seen him with his glasses on. His vision is far from bad, most days he doesn’t even notice he doesn’t have them on. He just never really liked them. They felt weird on his face, he knew people would notice how he would keep fixing them when they fell out of place. He wore them at night or when he was alone in his dorm. Just never in front of people. So this was a big deal to him.

“Please just don’t make fun of me.” George kept his eyes glued on the floor as he made his way back over to his place on the bed. Dream flashed him a seemingly genuine smile.

“I would never. I bet you’ll look cute.”

George opened his glasses and put them on. His head was still pointed towards the bed. He didn’t look up after they were on his face. It’s not that he didn’t like how he looked, it was more that he doesn’t know if Dream will like how he looked. He couldn’t take being laughed at.

“Look up.” Dream trailed off when George raised his head.

“Okay, just don’t laugh.” It wasn’t a big deal. He swore it wasn’t a big deal. When he looked into Dreams eyes for the first time, he actually saw something. What it was, he really couldn’t tell.

“Why don’t you wear these they’re so cute.”

“I don’t know. I just never considered it honestly.”

“Consider it.”

“Whatever. It’s my turn. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Dream says confidently.

After some careful consideration he came up with the perfect dare. Payback is a bitch.

“I dare you to put on your rings.” George smiled with content, he fixed his glasses where they were still resting on his face. Dream, however, didn't think it was that impressive. He walked over to get his rings. Once he had them he sat back in front of George. With a smirk he put them on one by one as George’s eyes never left his hands. George’s breath was short.

“Your turn, go.” He just wanted it over with at this point.

“Truth or Dare?” Dream chuckled at George’s attempt at trying to seem casual.

“Truth.” George played it safe.

“Do you have any siblings?” It was a generic question. But at least it made the heat of George’s face cool for a moment.

“No, I'm an only child.” Dream wrinkled his nose at the fact. George was used to that reaction by now.

“Truth or Dare?” George really wasn’t enjoying this game.

“Dare.” George already had a great dare in mind for him.

“Prank call someone.” Dreams eyes went wide with shock. He probably hadn’t had to do that in many years.

“Who?” Dream surprisingly seemed excited.

“Anyone you want.” Dream grabbed his phone. Next thing George knew it was ringing on speaker. It rang for a few seconds before the person on the other end picked up.

“Hello?” George knew that voice. He’s heard it many times. He just didn’t realize Dream also knew that voice. Sapnap.

“Hello I’m trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty, it seems like-“ The line went dead. Dream looked up at George, both silent for a moment before breaking out in a painful laugh.

“I can’t believe you know Sapnap.” George let out after the laughing fit was over.

“I literally play football with him?” Oh. How could George forget. He had seen Dream at all of Sapnaps games. He remembered his dream from last night. The cold night of the game. The hot chocolate. The beautiful man. His cheeks definitely don’t go red when he realizes he’s sitting right in front of that same man. He reminded himself that this was too good to be true. It was just because Dreams room was warmer, he told himself.

“Truth or Dare? Dreams voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Truth.” It was his turn to play it safe. Or so he thought he was.

“Why did you decide to attend a college in America?” That was exactly what George didn’t want to tell people. So he answered as vaguely as he could.

“I wanted to see what it was like here and I needed a break from the fish and chips.” Dream mocked his accent back to him after his answer. George rolled his eyes in response.

“Truth or Dare?” George spoke.

“Truth.”

“What is one of your least favorite memories?” Dream took a second before answering.

“Probably when we kept moving schools for a few years. It’s hard to make friends like that I guess.” After his answer, Dream hurried to move on.

“Truth or Dare?” George decided to take a risk.

“Dare.” Dream hummed whilst thinking of one.

“Run out into the snow.” George’s jaw dropped. It was so cold outside. George would die.

“Really? It’s so cold!” George was in shock.

“Yes really. Come on, I'll even go with you.” Dream was already off the bed. George sighed and followed.

That’s how they found themselves covered in snow on their back looking at it fall from the sky. Dream had immediately pushed George to the ground as soon as they got there. George decided it was too pretty to get up. Dream soon joined him. The chill of the ground slowly made its way through his coat, well Dreams coat. The snowflakes landed all over his body burying him carefully. He wonders how long he would have to lay here for them to cover him forever. Surely not that long. He wonders what it would be like to fall that far to earth. He thinks it would be peaceful. Maybe the cold isn’t that bad. Maybe Dream isn't that bad. He thinks back on his day with a smile. Maybe if this is too good to be true that was okay for now.

Chapter Text

Unlike the night before George woke up warm. The weight of blankets on his chest was comforting. The smell that filled his nose, he had just become used to. His back was pressed against the wall, the sun wasn’t felt against his closed eyes. George smiled lightly and opened them to meet the black room. Another sleeping face not far away. He thinks back to the night before.

They hadn’t stayed in the cold very long. After a few minutes of staring up at the falling snow George started to shiver. Dream was quick to notice and usher him inside. Once they were back in the warm room it didn’t take too long for Dream to throw one of his hoodies and some clean sweatpants at him. They both awkwardly turned their backs and changed into dry clothes. George doesn’t remember how they decided that sharing the bed would be easier. He assumed it probably had something to do with him refusing to sleep on the floor. He didn’t mind much, Dream was warm and he blocked the sun from George’s eyes with his back. They fell asleep soon after that. George would count that night as a successful sleepover.

His bliss didn’t last very long because soon his phone was ringing loudly in the quiet room. Dream shuffled a little in his sleep when George reached over him to grab it off the nightstand. He quickly silenced the sound. He looked at the contact and his heart stopped immediately.

His mom was calling him. Six days before Christmas, she’s calling him. After everything she still called? George cursed the part of his brain that told him she was calling to make amends. He knew she wasn’t. But it was his mother and he knew she wouldn’t stop until he answered. His point was proven when the vibrations stop only for ringing to fill the air again. He decided to just put the phone on silent whilst he decided if he should pick up the phone.

On one hand there’s not much he thinks she could say to win his forgiveness. He had made the decision to never see her again a long time ago. He could just block her number and forget his past all together. On the other hand he could answer. He could hear the warmth of his mother’s voice. He could take what she says to heart and change. He could change and remember the good parts of his past. He could give his heart to the creator once more. He could place it in brutal hands and let them mold it till it’s perfect again. He could let her wash his sins away. In the end, there was no other choice.

He carefully climbed over Dream, phone in hand. He slipped on his shoes and made his way into the hall. The door shut quickly behind him, a sleeping Dream in its wake. Next, he did the thing he thought he would never do again. He picked up the phone.

“Hello? George?” His mother’s tone could only be described as anger. He immediately regretted answering the phone. It was odd, the sense of comfort that lingered in the feeling. He hated it. He hated how she had this power over him. He hated how he couldn’t bring himself to hang up. He hated how he loved hearing her again. There was no way he could have stopped his answer from slipping out.

“Mum?” George’s voice cracked a little showing that he had just woken up. He realized he didn’t even know how early it was. He checked quickly. He was a bit surprised to see the clock saying it was only six in the morning.

“Where are you?” Oh yeah she was definitely mad. George almost smiled at the thought of making her angry. The thought that he did something she didn’t like was enough to give him some confidence. This was his last chance to tell her everything he thought. After this call he would hang up, block her number and forget the pain he had spent so long trying to remember.

“Why the fuck do you care? You kicked me out, remember? You didn’t want me so now you don’t have me, end of story.” He hurtled out. The gasp from the other side of the phone brought a smile to his face. He was already proud of himself and he had just begun.

“Do not speak to your mother that way. I can see how this lifestyle has already changed you for the worse. Come home, we can go to church tomorrow and get you fixed up. I met this wonderful lady at the coffee shop, she said they make places to send people like you to be fixed. Please, we could-“ George cut her off with a laugh.

“I speak to you however the hell I want, seeing as you mean nothing to me. I would treat you the same way I would treat a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. This ‘lifestyle’ has been who I am since you had me. The only thing that’s ever changed me, for the worst, was you and your awful cult of hate you call a religion. I’ll never step foot in another church as long as I live and I sure as hell won’t be going to any conversion therapy shit. I can’t believe a part of me thought you would apologize. You’re insufferable.” He yelled into the phone. His mother squawked on the other end at his choice of words.

“Really you want me to apologize when you won’t even consider changing? You left us and won’t even come home for Christmas. I bet you’ve found a sinful man and he’s keeping you there. He’s brainwashed you honey. Just come home and I’ll fix you up. You’ll be good again. We can have a good Christmas. You can move back home and undergo treatment. I’m just trying to save you from those demons. You know where you’ll go if you don’t change soon? Hell, that’s right. You’ll burn forever, is that what you want? We just want you to be the boy we used to love.” His mother was shouting back into the phone. If someone was to walk by they would be able to hear her from a few feet away. George really could not believe what he was hearing right now.

“Maybe it is! Maybe I want to be happy with the people I love. Maybe I want to be loved. God knows you never loved me. You definitely don’t love me now, you said it yourself. I’m never coming back there. That place was never home and you were never my mum. You’re just some hatful lady that raised me. Mums love their kids for who they are. Mums don’t try to change their children. You’re crazy and I hate you for everything you’ve ever done to me. You couldn’t begin to fathom the shit show of a life you’ve made for me. I hope I never speak to you again. You’ll sure as hell never see my face again. Stay away from me and everyone around me or I swear I’ll get a restraining order.” He hung up the phone with tears in his eyes. That was it. That was all he had left to say. The tears made their way down his face as a smile pulled at his lips. He did it. He stood up to the person he hated most. He said what he had wanted to for years. His phone rang again. He quickly blocked the number with no hesitation. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. For some odd reason a sob left his mouth. He didn’t know if it was because he was so proud of himself or because he’ll never speak to his mother again.

Either way he didn’t get a chance to consider it. The door behind him swung open causing him to spin around quickly to see what it was. Dream was standing there with a concerned look on his face. It only deepened when he saw George’s watery eyes.

“What was all the yelling?” Dream spoke with caution. George stood up slightly at the sound of his morning voice. He wiped his tears away in hope to be more convincing with his next few words.

“Just a phone call.” Dream didn’t buy it. It was clear he was upset and Dream could see it.

“Just a phone call? Then why are you crying.” Dream eyes held George in place but oh did he want to run. He wanted to be sat on a stump in the middle of the woods. He wanted to be cold and soaked with chilling water. He wanted to feel the sting of frozen skin and see the pink fill his fingers. He craved the pain he knew he couldn’t have. It had been so long.

“I’m not.” Another lie. Dreams frown deeped and he took a step forward while reaching out to George. The action was met with George stepping back to avoid the touch. It broke him out of his trance. He turned on his heels and ran for the stairs. He couldn’t afford to wait at the elevator.

“George, what the hell!” Dream took off after him. George could hear his quick footsteps behind him. He knew Dream played football and that he stood no match for his speed. He just picked up pace anyway. All George had to do was make it to the tree line. He would have the upper hand there. Maybe Dream wouldn’t follow him that far.

George ran down the stairs with Dream hot on his heels. Dream was yelling something but it all fell deaf to George’s ears. The tears rolling down his face didn’t stop with the darkness of the early morning that hit him. Once outside he didn’t pause to think about the ice that may be covering the ground. He didn’t care. He had a place to be and a person to run from. George could feel Dream getting closer by the second. He knew he was done for. His lungs ache from their extensive use. His heart felt as if it was going to explode. George halted to a stop still a long way away from the football field. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and looked to the sky. It was as if he was asking it to fall. Asking the clouds to crush him. They didn’t, they hung high in the sky blocking the sun from his skin.

George heard Dream come to a stop not far behind him. He kept his eyes on the sky. He didn’t notice the coolness of the air around him. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. It could be sadness, no, anger no that definitely wasn’t it. Maybe he just felt free. Free from his past. Yeah that felt right. Free to say whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted to say it to. So that’s exactly what he did.

“Why the hell are you following me?” George spoke strongly, not wavering in the slightest. He turned away to face Dream, the early sun barely starting to turn the sky a warm gray.

“What do you mean? I woke up to you yelling at six in the morning only for you to literally run away when I ask if you’re alright.” Dream took a step forward, George took a step back.

“I didn’t want you to follow me obviously. I didn’t want to have to see your face again for the rest of my time here.” George wasn’t actually mad at Dream specifically. He was mad at everything. He was mad that the day had started off like this.

“Says the one who slept in my bed. Seems like you wanted to wake up to my face.” George scoffed at such accusations.

“I only slept there because, someone, has to be controlling and won’t let me change the fucking temperature of my room.” Dream chuckled at him, his voice louder when he spoke again.

“You didn’t seem that upset to have spent the day with me yesterday. You were all ‘oh I’ve never had fun Dream’ ‘oh Dream just let me sleep in your bed’.” Dream mocked George’s accent when imitating him. It made his blood boil. This morning was about to get a lot worse.

“You’re the one who suggested it! I was content in fixing the heat and going back to sleep in my own bed. You were the one who wanted to spend the day with me, not the other way around. We're not friends, Dream, hell I don't even like you as a person. Don’t get it twisted. What you can do though is stay the fuck out of my business and leave me the hell alone.” George spat. Dream showed no sign of hurt at George’s words, only flashing reds.

“You were the one who woke me up! Maybe if you wanted to be left alone so badly you should learn to keep that fat mouth shut. No one wants to hear anything that comes out of it anyway.” Dream was yelling at him. He hated it. He hated how his first instinct is to crawl in a hole and die. He hated how he wanted to apologize over and over until he just couldn’t hear the punches. He could though. He had done so much work to break that cycle. So who was he to back down at a time like this?

“Or maybe you could learn not to stick your nasty ass nose somewhere it doesn’t belong. Maybe you should be the one keeping their mouth closed seeing as you’ve already kissed half the people in this whole school. Yeah, people talk. It’s not like you were trying to hide it any seeing as half the time you're just doing it in the middle of the halls.” Dream gets up in his face fast. George doesn’t move.

“Oh so you’ve been looking for me in the halls, huh? What, are you mad that it’s not you I’m kissing? Or are you just upset about the fact that I even have people to kiss. Unlike you who spends every second of their life trying to mean something to literally anyone who cares enough to see you.” He smirked, it dropped not a second later. “Want to talk about people talking? Let's talk about your rumors goody boy. As you’ve said, people love coming to me to open their mouths. It’s not always for kissing, Georgie. They had a lot to say about you actually.” He could feel Dream's hot breath on his face. George’s heart froze over, the bite of winter stealing the warmth from his chest. Dream had to be lying. What could people even say about him?

“I would be surprised if you could even remember any of their names, not to mention their words. That brain inside your head must be working overdrive trying to remember one thing they said.” George knew it was a gamble. Dream might be able to recite, word for word, everything they’ve said about him. At least George tried to do something, given that he was on the verge of tears. His past not seeming as far away as he wished it would. On the bright side, if Dream did remember at least he would know what they’re saying.

Dream was full on wheezing directly in his face. George resisted the urge to step back. Dream would see it as a sign of weakness. George may be weak but Dream didn’t need to know that. Dream abruptly stopped and moved his face closer than before.

“Let’s just say, your friends from back home have very loose lips.” His voice was gravely from the volume he spoke at and the cold air that filled his throat. George couldn‘t help the gasp that came from him. He couldn’t help the fury that boiled deep in his veins.

“Stay the fuck out of my past and as a matter of a fact, stay the fuck out of my future. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You have no clue who I am. A few games and a lot of tortures hours spent together means nothing. It meant nothing. I still hate you as much as I did on the very first day I saw your arrogant face in the halls. I mean it Dream stay the hell away from me.” George yelled. He was slowly backing up as he spoke. Once done he started his way to the only place he’s ever felt safe at. A voice was heard from where he had just left.

“Yeah run away. I heard you’re good at that!” George just kept walking. He ignored the tears that returned to his cheeks. A wind blew past him, making him shiver. He wrapped his arms around himself and put one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t worth it. It’s never worth it anymore.

It wasn’t long till he was standing looking out at the snow covered trees. He was barely able to bring himself to go into the woods. Not because he was scared he just felt like he didn’t deserve it today. He had started a fight with two people. That’s twice the harsh words towards him. Twice the guilt from his own words. He pushed it down. He always did, push it so far down he would notice the pile starting to build.

George was laying down. Eyes trained on flakes of falling snow through the branches full of leaves above him. The snow underneath him made his clothes wet, he didn’t care. He’s always had a very active mind. Sure, he pushes a lot of it away to be ignored forever. That didn’t change the fact that it never seemed to shut up. Some may call it overthinking, others may say it’s intrusive thoughts. George didn’t really care. All he knew is that it never let him have a moment of silence. Always telling him what he’s done wrong or what he can change to be right. It argues the same points day after day. George has never really understood why he has yet to cave and just do what they say. Sometimes they say things he would never have the courage to say aloud. They tell him he’s not worth it. They say that he deserves the pain and that he should cause more. Somewhere deep down he hopes they’re wrong. He hopes that if he was ever at the end they would finally shut up and let his final moment be peacefully silent. He wouldn’t mind dying right here, he thinks. The snow could cover his body like a blanket. Shield him from the cold hard world. The trees could watch with smiles as the boy they’ve been keeping an eye on since he got there was finally at peace.

Maybe the snow was sadder than the rain was. Maybe the way snow falls slowly rather than rushing to the ground was more his style. A slow descent to the frozen ground. Finally laying rest with all the other problems of the world. Yet another messed up person in the pile.

George only layed there for a few more minutes. Lost in his mind he hardly noticed how cold he had gotten. The tears no longer had the strength to face the world. The fate of freezing all they could count on. George wished the clouds would go away long enough for him to see the sunrise. He doesn’t get to see many anymore with how busy school keeps him. Maybe one day he’ll find time to sit and look at the shades of gray that would fill the sky. Today however, was not that day. No matter how much he wanted to, he was unable to lay on the ground trying his hardest not to do something he might regret any longer. He stood slowly. He made the decision right then and there to never give second chances. They never deserve them and they’ll always disappoint.

George had forgotten his phone that was in his pocket. It began to ring once again, reminding him it was there. This must be what people mean when they say it feels like the whole world stops. It felt like the end. Holding his ringing phone in his hand felt like he was holding the weight of his life. The act of him turning it over to see who was calling felt like it took years. The snow seemed to slow to a stop where it rested on top of the air. He had no other choice though. He flipped it. The world sped back up and he let out a breath. Sapnap. He didn’t hesitate to pick up. His chattering lips were completely forgotten, yet they didn’t stop.

“George!” He was greeted with a shout, he always was. He didn’t wonder why he was calling at such an early hour, Sapnap never slept. He was also not very considerate about the others' sleep schedule. It’s not odd from George to get a call from him at this time.

“Hello” George regretted it immediately. The effects of the crisp air was so obvious in his voice. It was rough like the air had dried it all up. His teeth were loud in his ears as they clinked together repeatedly. His lips felt thick around his tongue as he spoke. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t quite sound happy enough for Sapnap to not think something was wrong. His point was proven in less than a second.

“George? Why do you sound sick? Why is your teeth chattering, actually just- are you okay? You sound off.” Because of course Sapnap knew the second he spoke one word. He shouldn’t have answered the phone.

“I’m fine. I’ve just been outside in the snow s’all.” It was only half of a lie. He has been outside in the snow.

“For how long, you sound next to death idiot. Go back inside right now, and stay on the phone so I know you didn’t pass out in the snow or something.” Sapnaps motherly tone was met with a wince from his side. Of course today was the day Sapnap decided to be his mother.

“Whatever. It’s not a big deal or anything.” George walked cautiously through the trees, making his way to the field. The faster he gets inside the faster he can forget this day forever. They talked about how Sapnaps break was going all the way till George reached his dorm building. Sapnap would tell him about how happy they all were and how much fun they were having. George would give a half hearted response. Once he was actually in the building he gasped at the warmth of the air cutting Sapnap off mid sentence.

“What? Are you okay?” George looked around to make sure Dream wasn’t near before he chuckled at Sapnap. He hadn’t noticed how worried Sapnap actually was. It made George’s stomach churn, the thought that he made Sapnap worry for nothing. Just some silly snow and a bad start to his day.

“Yes idiot, it’s just really warm in here.” George walked to the stairs, not risking the elevator.

“Obviously, it’s warmer inside than outside. Why were you out there anyway?” George could tell he had been holding that question back. George was tired of lying. So he told the truth. Not the whole truth but it was still true.

“Bad day.” Sapnap understood. He knew George had bad days more often than not. He knew that George’s good days were sometimes so similar to his own bad days. He’ll never understand how George could count that as a good day. He didn’t ask for more than George was willing to give on his own. So they left it at that. They were silent all the way up the stairs, through the hall, passed Dreams' door, and into his own room.

“So, what have you been doing?” Sapnap broke the silence. George sighed, he didn’t really want to talk anymore. He pulled off his soggy shoes at the door before entering.

“Enjoying alone time.” George lied. He had decided not to tell Sapnap about Dream being there. He didn’t actually know why, maybe to avoid teasing.

“You sound tired, you should get some sleep.” George had never been more thankful for Sapnaps ability to pick up on everything he was feeling.

“Yeah I’ll do that, thanks.” He heard Sapnap let out a shaky breath before he spoke back to George.

“You know you don’t have to lie right? If you’re having a bad time I’ll drop it all and come get you. All you have to do is call and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” George knew this, of course he did. Sapnap was his best friend; he knew he could count on him.

“I know Sap, I would call you if I ever want to leave. I promise.” Sapnap just hummed in response, not quite buying it. They said goodbye quickly after that.

George flopped down onto his cold covers. After such a long day he was ready to throw on three hoodies to combat the cold in his room. He was just looking up at the ceiling trying to convince himself to get up and finally get warm when the urge hit. The urge he had been avoiding since he answered the call. The urge he knew would come. It has always been the only constant in his life.

He had no tears left to cry as he caved in. It wasn’t a big deal. It never was after this many years of caving at every chance he got. It would be over in a few minutes and he would be on the floor alone again. Always alone. As he gets what he’ll need for his task and a shower he thinks back to what Dream had said. They know about his friends back home. They might know what happened to him.

Suddenly it made sense why Dream wanted him to have fun at a sleepover. It wasn’t that Dream cared or was even having fun himself. It was that he felt sorry for George. He found out what he had tried so hard to hide. Dream knew how bad George’s childhood was. It was all pity.

George’s bad habit, that he’d had since he was twelve, wasn’t enough to bring him to tears. He’s long gone numb to it, but this. This hurt more than he ever thought something could. He hadn’t felt like this since he had first started. It felt like his entire chest had been ripped apart and left for the worms.

He found himself under the warm water quicker than you’d think. He was always quick with the process. The heat tried to wash the hurtful words off his skin to mix with the cherry water. If only they weren’t on him forever. It was always the same, he watched it all wash down the drain time and time again. Then there was nothing left but the taste of regret on his tongue. God, George couldn’t stand to be there any longer. Convinced he would just wash himself tomorrow he reached out to turn the water off. Only to be interrupted but the sound of the door opening. He held his breath in hope that Dream would leave. His hope was not granted.

“Of course you’re in here. Probably jerking it off to the thought of me aren’t you.” Dreams voice got closer and closer to George. He looked around for anything to hide himself with, he came up empty handed. He was naked, vulnerable, and definitely with things to hide. He can’t even look at them so obviously the thought of someone else seeing them made his skin crawl.

“Just leave, I’m about to get out then it’s all yours.” George hoped it was enough. Dreams huff could be heard over the running water. It had to be enough. Footsteps filled the silence once again.

“Whatever you say princess.” Then the door shut. George let his arms fall from where they gripped the other in hopes to hide. It’s going to be hard sharing a space with him.

He turned off the water and dressed the fastest he ever had. With his things gathered and clothes on he left the room. The hall was thankfully empty however they weren’t quiet. Dream had music playing so loud it vibrates the floors. George couldn’t care less.

He had decided to take a nap since it was still quite early and he hadn’t been up for very long. It wasn’t long until he was bundled in four layers and wrapped in all of his available blankets. The ones he had left in Dreams room just this morning had somehow made their way to his bed. He ignored the way it made his heart clench.

He was tired. Tired of sore legs. Tired of harsh words cutting through his head all the time. This break was supposed to help him forget, not remember. It was to get himself away from the website that was supposed to fix him. To get himself away from the voices tell him he was wrong. Somehow he never thought his mother’s voice would join them until it was too late. Hers’ always hurt the most, cut the deepest. Sometimes it’s a nice reminder.

Dreams' yelling voice was the newest addition though. There’s something about the blade of such sharp words that leave awful scars. George doesn’t think he’ll ever unhear the harsh words spoken to him by that mouth. He definitely won’t forget the meddling in his past they did. He doesn’t know how he’ll cope with the fact that he too spit out harmfully memorable words.

His eyes grew too heavy to hold but the thought didn’t stop. They never will. With him being too tired to turn on the music it would be a nap full of them. Whispering hurtful things into his soul, convincing him to hate himself like they despised him. So if his mother’s deadly words were the last thing he heard before his eyes slipped closed for his rest, that was his business. Or rather his nightmare.

Chapter Text

George doesn’t remember much, he hadn’t in a long time. His childhood is just a blur in the back of his mind. You really couldn’t blame him for it though. He has a lot of stuff he hopes to never remember. That being said, his mind after he wakes up is somehow much less blurred. It was weird when he first noticed it, almost any memory he wanted could be accessed right after he woke up. However he never got to choose which it was, if he revisited one at all. His morning memories were almost always bad. So it was no surprise to him when his brain went wild right before he even opened his eyes.

“Why would you do this?” Julius Leighton, George’s childhood best friend, said. They had been friends for as long as he could remember.

“I didn’t think-“ George knew this was bound to happen. He just figured that since they were thirteen Julius would understand. He should have known better.

“Of course you didn’t think, you only ever think about yourself.” George really did think they would be okay but at the sounds of it, they won’t. It feels like all the air was sucked up out of the world. Like even if he could, it was never worth speaking again. His words have only ever brought pain. “I’m sorry, I can fix it I swear!” He had to fix it if he ever wanted to be normal again.

“You can’t fix something this bad, you disgust me.” George’s sobs filled the air. He was used to being called that by now. The last few days have all been very similar to right now. Yelling and crying and hitting, it all hurt the same. He’s so over emotional pain. Yet the tears kept rolling, his voice kept shaking, and whimpers still suffocated him at night.

“I promise to try! I’ll try so hard I promise, I promise.” George begged. He begged for his only lifeline left to stay. Without Julius he was nothing. He was just another disgusting person with absolutely no one to turn to.

“Do you really not see it? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you hear me? I don’t care if you can change, I don’t want to be near a faggot. Stay the hell away from me.” George couldn’t handle this. It felt like the last straw, like the last punch in the gut. He fell to the floor, arms wrapped around himself. He was practically holding himself together at that point. Louder sobs made the other laugh.

“Look at you, on the floor crying. Fag already soft? Just wait till the rest of the school finds out, then you’ll wish you were dead.” George just shook his head at the footsteps coming towards him. This can’t be happening. He felt a fist grab his hair and yank his face up to meet the others.

“I’ll be the first to throw the punch. I never liked you anyway. Just some nerd to get answers from, aren’t you? See you around Gogs.” Julius smirked at the nickname and walked away. He left George there on the floor. Forever alone in the world from this moment on. At the end of the day he’ll always end up alone sobbing on the cold tile, even till this day.

“I’ll fix it.” He had promised himself. Realistically he knew he couldn’t ‘fix’ anything, it didn’t stop him from trying for a while. The tile was cold against his skin. It was that moment, alone on the floor, that he decided he hated the cold. Ironically it was from that moment on that his body had a constant chill to it.

Speaking of which, somehow during his nap his layers of clothing hadn’t failed him. He cracked his eyes open and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. He’ll forget the memory again soon, he always does.

He sat up in the bed and looked around the room, he had clothes scattered around the floor. The sun peeked through the windows just barely lighting up his room. The walls were empty with only a few pictures of Wilbur, Niki, Bad, and Sapnap every so often. He smiled at the thought of his friends, they all cared for him so much. He made a mental note to call them. For now, the stack of books on his desk was calling his name as always. It never hurts to do some extra reading, maybe even study a bit. He could even write if he got really bored.

When he finally managed to pull himself from his warm chacon and onto his feet, his stomach growled at him.
Right, he hadn’t even had breakfast yet. He checked the time, a little after noon, time for lunch. He decided that even if he and Dream didn’t really like each other, Dream wouldn’t mind if he ate his food from the dining hall. If he really had a problem with it, what could he do? There’s no way he’s mean enough to tell George to starve, right?

George pulled open the door to the empty dining area, or so he thought. The muffled sound of Dreams' voice bounced off the walls and into his ears. He couldn’t understand what he was saying or to whom but he knew he was saying something. George wasn’t the type of person to eavesdrop but he was curious. He stepped into the room and let the door click shut quietly behind him. His feet quickly brought him close enough to be able to make out what Dream was saying. “I called you to rant not for you to bitch at me.” He didn’t sound angry, mostly frustrated. George walked closer hoping to hear the person who might be on speakerphone. Thankfully he was right.

“-guage! But you know I’m right. You can’t go around saying things you don’t mean.” George barely kept his gasp in. He knew Bad was friends with Dream; most of the school was. Bad had met Dream and Sapnap in high school and they all made sure to choose the same college to attend. So it wasn’t a surprise that they were talking.

“I can’t help it, he just opens his mouth and I just want to get him to shut up before he even starts talking!” Bad just sighed. “Now Dream, you’re doing that thing again.” He sounded disappointed. “What thing?” Dream said. “The thing where you’re mean to my friend and expect me to agree with you. I honestly don’t know why you called me for this.” It was obvious they were talking about him. His eyes went wide because that means that Bad knows he’s here. He can only pray that he doesn’t mention it to him. Dream's voice cuts his thought off short. “Sapnap said he was busy.” George could practically see the shrug of Dream's shoulders. “Sapnap is his friend too.” George quietly chuckled at how annoyed Bad sounds. He went still in the silence that followed it. “I just don’t know what to do.” Dreams voice was much quieter than before, causing George to walk closer to hear clearly. “Try getting to know him, he’s lovely I promise.” George’s cheeks definitely didn’t heat up at the compliment. “Maybe.” A deathly silence followed before Bad seemed to have heard enough. “Well I got to go, bye.” Bad said. “Thank you , I’ll text you.” The sound of the end of the call was heard next.

George had nowhere to go but forward. He walked slowly into the kitchen, where Dream was, the door slammed closed behind him. Dreams head shot up accompanied by wide eyes and a limp jaw. George rolled his eyes and moved to the fridge. He grabbed the things he needed to make a sandwich. When he turned back around all he saw was the kitchen door shutting, no Dream in sight. George couldn’t find it in him to care.

He decided eating in his room would be best. He was sitting with his back pressed against his bed, a sandwich and bag of chips in his lap. If he was being honest Dream had good taste in food. The turkey was fresh and the lettuce was crisp, what more could he ask for? Well he can think of one thing. That thing being the cause of his numb fingers and the fact that he’s ever so slightly shaking.

A lunch and a book later George has had enough. He was going to get that heat up. He didn’t care if Dream was mad, or sweaty. He was cold and it’s winter and snowing and he can’t concentrate on his studies when he can’t feel his toes. It’s frustrating and infuriating for Dream to be so controlling over something so trivial. George tried to deal with it for as long as he could but it’s too much now. He's already had a bad day, his mom calling and then a random memory haunting his brain. They joined together to taunt him with their cutting words. They stabbed his heart and clawed out his eyes, then laughed about it. He wished to never think again for his mind seems to hate him. Or maybe he wished to never do anything again. He wished to be alone, cold, and silent for the rest of time. That kind of cold didn’t seem so bad. However, the kind that’s making the little hairs on his arm stand up is that bad.

It was a simple mission. Exit the room, walk down the hall, turn the heat up, run back before Dream notices. What could go wrong? He could lock his door and pretend not to hear when Dream would inevitably come bang on it. It was foolproof.

When he opened the door the hall was ghostly empty, it still freaked him out a little to be in such a quiet space. The quietness gave him the confidence not to tiptoe to the thermostat. It seemed that Dream may be out at the moment. When he got there he turned it to a more suitable temperature for him. If he actually did run back to his room after that, no one had to know.

As George had expected it wasn’t long till he heard Dreams' door swing open and loud stomps flowed into the air. His door was locked the second he had gotten back into his room. He had grabbed a new book and was sitting on the bed reading with some chill music playing in the background. His room slowly got warm enough for him to comfortably take off his layers and actually sit on top of his blankets rather than under them. He had only been comfortable for a few minutes before Dream had seemingly gotten too uncomfortable.

Deep in the back of his mind he knew it was scary to be locked on campus with someone he didn’t know, not to mention the arguments. He knew that there was always a possibility that Dream was very violent. However, in the forefront of his mind, he didn’t care. He somehow knew that Dream wouldn’t actually hit him. He knew it was all words. That didn’t stop the dread filling his chest. Nor did it stop the way he jumped when a fist started to pound on his door.

The plan had been to ignore it. He was supposed to turn his music up and tune out the constant rhythm of Dreams fist. That way he didn’t get to see Dream all mad, which was supposed to be the point. He also doesn’t get to see him all hot and sweaty. He ignored the way the second made his stomach drop. It was common knowledge that Dream was attractive; everyone at the school would overlook anything he has ever done just to get in his pants. Anyone but George, supposedly. George has prided himself, for as long as he’s been here, on the fact that there was nothing Dream could do to make George excuse his vile personality. There was no sweat, muscles, height, or games won that could convince him. So why’d he ache to open the door? He could chalk it up to his desire to feel all the pain he could. He could say it’s because he’s in the mood for a fight. He’s in the mood to cause hurt. That seemed more fitting in his the puzzle he told himself he was making. Whether or not it was the actual reason was not up for debate in his mind. Even though George knows the guilt that comes from his mouth after these things, in the moment he didn’t care. Just like a lot of things he does out of instinct, it felt worth it.

He threw his book to the side, after marking his page, and hurried to the door before he could change his mind. He pulled it open, he stepped back a bit just in case. Dream was mid knock and red faced. It could have been from the heat, or the anger that George would assume was bubbling in his chest up his throat and out his ears, or maybe a combination of both. He probably didn’t look much better. Listening to someone knock on your door like it’s on fire for more than a few minutes was sure to cause a headache and a fist full of frustration. It definitely did if the pounding in his head and the nails in his pale skin were anything to show for it. He was face to face with the beast just like he wanted.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” George yelled, might as well strike first before he loses his confidence.

“Me? You’re asking what’s wrong with me? You know what’s wrong with me.” Dream stepped into the room, George just let him. There was nothing he could do to stop him even if he wanted to.

“Why would I know what’s wrong with you?” George played dumb. Dream visibly tensed, moving further into his room.

“Unless the building magically got warmer than you have at least some idea.” Dream spat.

“Okay so maybe I turned the heat up, but I’m cold and you’re a dick so really it was a win-win situation if you ask me.” George took another step back just for some extra distance.

“I’m the dick? Really. That’s what you’re going with? You were acting crazy this morning. I genuinely thought you’d become manic or something. And not to mention that the second I try to help you, you blow up in my face. If you ask me you sound like the dick.” Oh. George’s cheeks flushed a bit because Dream was right. George may have seemed a little crazy. But that didn’t excuse the yell and the rumors and the chasing. He just wanted to be alone, why couldn’t Dream see that? Or maybe Dream did see and just chose to ignore it. Maybe Dream wanted to see him weak so it was easier to stab the words in. Yeah that seemed more like the loud jock everyone hates.

“Or maybe I just wanted to not be around you. Do you realize how many times you’ve bossed me around like some child or pushed into my space as if you own it? I’m not your kid or your friend. We’re just two guys suck here. There is no fun, there is no gossip. Not to mention all the digging you did on me. Who even does that? Then you go spill your guts to my friends like they’d take your side.” George emphasized his words with a mighty step forward pushing Dream back.

“How do you know about that? Where you spying on me? So you bitch at me for being in your space and in the same sentence reveal that you’ve been sneaking into mine. Did you even think about how weird that is.” Shit. George hadn’t meant to say that. He’s dug himself a hole.

“I didn’t think-“ Dream cut him off. Blowing up in his face.

“Of course you didn’t think, you only ever think about yourself. It’s always about you, isn't it George. Always what someone can do for you and never what you could do for someone else. At least that’s what they said, your friends from back home. They seem to think that you’d taken something big for yourself and left them in the dust. I always had a feeling you were selfish, it’s always the snobs with their noses stuck in between the pages.” The words rang in his ears, the same ones said to him so long ago. It's crazy what sticks. What seeps into the carpet like a deep red splotch of blood.

“Get the fuck out of my room.” He spoke through gritted teeth. Pushing Dreams chest until he was out of range of the door swinging shut. He didn’t hit, just pushed. He would never hit anyone, not after he’d felt the sting of a punch too many times.

“What the fuck, Geor-“ The door slammed shut. He was quick to turn and sit on the floor. Shock clearly written on his face in big black letters.

“I’m fixing the temperature.” Dreams fading footsteps were the music to his falling tear. They streamed down his face at lightning speed. Broken promises and harsh hits filled the space between his lungs. They reached up and shoved their fingers in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I can fix it I swear.” He gasped for air. His silent sobs didn’t make the sentence any less impactful. He never thought he would say it again. He never thought it would apply to his life again. He had accepted that he was unable to be fixed a long time ago. He knew it was his fate to be broken. He was there for people to laugh at, he was there to be the punching bag. Literally a punching bag.

“Aye! George over here!” It was his first day of 6th Form. It was a new start and George was excited for it. People weren’t supposed to care for this long so he was in the clear. He’ll be able to make new friends and maybe regain some old ones. He had a pep in his step and a smile on his face when he approached Berwyn Mullins. Berwyn wasn’t known for being the kindest person ever but George didn’t care at the moment.

“Hey guys, how was your summer?” George hadn’t done much that summer. He chose to stay inside safe from any harm. He’s heard the rumors that if someone was to see him out they were going to beat him. He didn’t want to risk it. Instead he sat in his bed playing video games and reading a book he doesn’t even believe in, thanks to his mother.

“Oh, it was great. I went on vacation to New York City. George, you’ll never guess what I saw.” See, he knew he was right. No one cares what you are in 6th Form. They’re all almost adults, it was time they started to become more mature. It was going to be nice for him to have friends again.

“What was it?” His cheeks hurt from just how big his smile was. It had been years since he’s had a conversation that was positive.

“Two men kissing, but that wasn’t even the best part! Want to know what I saw next?” George should have known. He shouldn’t have been as stupid to think that this could have gone any other way than where it was heading. But he's a kid and he still has hope in those who hurt him. Although he did have an idea of what was to come he still answered.

“Um, yeah?” The hesitation was clear in his shrinking voice. He should have known that one small break wasn’t going to change anything.

“A big group of guys came up to them.” George heard the footsteps before he felt them all around him. He looks behind him to find himself also surrounded by tall strong guys. He should have fixed this a long time ago. “They surrounded them, like this.” Berwyn gestured to the boys that were around them. George’s heart started to sink. He knew at this moment that no one can truly change. He knew he would be going home covered in cuts and bruises, again. “Then-“ He hesitated. “Come a little closer it’s a secret.” George didn’t move any closer. After a moment of everyone just standing there he was pushed and held closer by the people towering over him. He wonders if this is how people feel around skyscrapers. He wonders what happened to the two men kissing in New York. He didn’t have to wonder long. “They beat the fags to death, right in front of my eyes. Limp bodies left for the birds.” Berwyn spit on George’s face with how hard he spoke. He shook at the name he’d been called more than his actual one. He shook at the story. Who knows if it was actually true, it didn’t matter. It was supposed to send a message and it did. “Wha-“ George tried to speak but was cut off by a punch in the gut. He bent over in pain only to be pushed to the floor. He doesn’t remember how long they kept him there. He was their punching bag, their rock to kick down the road, their can to spit in and all he could do was take it. His ears were ringing by the end of it, his body had gone numb from the pain. “This is what fags get, alright?” It was accompanied with wads of spit landing on his bruised body. “Catch ya for more later, Georgie. Or maybe you’ll die choking on a cock before then. Either way is fine with me, you’ll get to hell soon enough I can assure you of that.” George had never enjoyed the sound of people leaving more than he did at that moment. He turned his head so his cheek was pressed against the tile, he ignored the wetness of it. His eyes open just enough to see the retreating figures. George wished he could say he was surprised to see Julius with the group; he wasn’t.

George hadn’t noticed how long he was sat with his back to his door. The dorm room was much colder now but not as cold as it was before. It was fine. He could get by with just wearing a hoodie and sweatpants in this temperature. He pulled himself up and wiped his tears. He wonders when he’ll stop crying. It feels like he’s always got something wrong. Maybe he’s just dramatic. The hoodie and pants he had on now are good to keep him from shivering.

He sat on his bed, eyes glued to the door. He knew he couldn’t hate someone for something this small. What were they even fighting about? The temperature of their rooms? They fact that the others there? It made no sense. Maybe it was because Dream knew. He had talked to people from his past. They wouldn’t hesitate to spill out how nasty he is. Maybe Dream was homophobic. Either way George was done. He was done with the yelling, he was done with the crying. He was done hating someone for doing exactly what he would have done. George would have never guessed the rumors could follow someone across the ocean but they do. People talk, they search and dig then they spread their findings. He told himself a long time ago that he would fix it. Or maybe he could just lay in his misery surrounded by books instead of bullies. He could shove his nose into words that don’t hurt. He could maybe even do a little digging of his own. Not with malicious intent. Just some digging on Dream to see if his rumors were true. Maybe he could save an enemy and make a friend. For now he’ll settle for a phone call to his friends. He missed them a lot on days like this.