Chapter Text
I wake up to a cold and empty room.
Rays of blue-gray light shine through the window shutters and lay gently on my face, stirring me from my dreams and painting the white walls a mild splash of colour. Still bleary-eyed, I glance over to the clock. It reads 12:00pm, midday. Morning has escaped me once again.
I’ve been trying to sleep a little better in this new life of mine, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I live in the city now. It can be noisy, but somehow it feels quieter than Faraway. Something empty. Inorganic. Yet exciting. Sometimes I go out late at night just to explore it. Vast oceans of fluorescent lights blinking into forever. Cars racing up and down the streets, and I’m left wondering where it is they could possibly be going. I saw a fast-food place open at 3am. 3am. I think about going in there sometimes.
The city is always awake, even when people shouldn’t be, when I am.
Against my better judgement, I roll off the bed in a desperate attempt to squirm my way out of it’s tempting grasp. It’s warm and incredibly cozy. But I should get up. It’s a special day, after all.
I’m meandering my way into the kitchen, past empty shelves and blank corridors, when I catch the phone blinking idly in the corner of the living room. One new message. I figure I know who put it there already.
“Hey Sunny, it’s Mommy. I’ve got your usual favourites in the fridge, and a little money in case you want anything else. Make sure you eat something before you head out!
I hope you enjoy yourself today! I’m glad you’re keeping touch with all your old friends. It’s not always an easy thing to do, even without everything that’s happened. They must care about you an awful lot, I hope you’ll show them that you care back!
Okay, that’s it for now! Mommy loves you! Bzzt.”
Hm. Food. That’s a good idea, I’ve become pretty fond of the kitchen now that I no longer want to shove my head into the microwave every time I see it. I’ve even learned to make some of my own stuff when I’m not in the mood for reheated steak. I’m no Hero, don’t get me wrong. But I can make sandwiches and cook bacon and even some frozen pizza. (it’ll never top Gino’s, but hey. It’s something.) Just little things that get me through the day.
Eventually I make my decision, cereal! Easy and tasty.
I take my idea of a meal to the living room; I consider turning on the TV before realizing I won’t be able to pay attention to it. Not today, anyway. There’s a far more pressing issue weighing on my mind currently.
Today is Basil’s birthday.
Distance. There’s been a lot of that since The Truth event, if that’s what we’re going to be calling it. Aubrey, Hero, Kel. They need time to process everything that happened, and after everything I’ve done to them, it’s only fair I give them that time. All the time they need, in fact. It’s been slow, but I think that promise we made- the one where we’d always be there for one another- has turned out to be even more enduring than I thought it would be.
There’s been a couple of birthdays in that time, yet Basil’s is the one event we can all manage to make, not that he knows it. In fact, Basil doesn’t expect anybody to do anything for him at all. So, we’re planning on showing him otherwise, with a surprise party! Despite whatever they might be feeling, the Faraway gang really want to try for both me and Basil, and today is another step towards that interest. Closing that distance even one more step.
“They’re only doing it because they feel sorry for you.”
It’s not me who speaks, although I recognize the voice as similar to my own.
He’s that voice, you probably have one just like it. The kind that calls you ugly, no matter how you might look. The kind that insists you won’t be worth anything, no matter how hard you try. The kind that will always, always be there and always, always be whispering your darkest thoughts and deepest fears.
I have a voice like that. His name is Omori, and he’s a part of me now, whether I like it or not.
My therapist had told me it’s a good idea to externalize my problems as a separate entity. I could never bring myself to mention how prepared I was for that. Omori is my other, my alter. He’s the embittered snapshot of a better time. A warm memory printed onto damp toilet paper. Blurry and distorted. Cold and distant. Malevolent, but now only to itself, ourselves.
He had a lot more power over me once, or more correctly: I let him have a lot more power over me once. Now, he’s just a voice that speaks against me, impotently. I don’t hate him for it, he’s only doing his job. The one that I gave to him: to protect me against myself.
“That dream you had last night; do you remember? A whirlwind of technicolour noise that could last an eternity. The sun on our face, the taste of candy on our tongue. Cold smiles and warm blood. I liked that dream. Go back to bed, let’s just stay there.”
No, I have to face them, no matter how uncomfortable it might make me.
“Faces, faces. Do you remember the looks on their faces, when you told them what you did? I do. Poor Kel, he believed in you so much. Poor Hero, he had held it all together for you. Poor Aubrey, she had already lost everything.”
That isn’t how it went.
“And how did it go, exactly? Was it all a group hug and a laugh? Did you break Kel’s enduring heart and let his mind go with it? Did Hero, ever the patient, comforting soul, completely snap and hit you as hard as he could? Did Aubrey, destructive in every meaning of the word, break everything she could?”
It was quiet.
“They’ll never forgive you. Not really. Not truly.”
I don’t expect them to.
“They probably forgot about you, since you’re so far away. Fitting term, isn’t it? They’re all out of your reach.”
They don’t feel so distant anymore.
“It just isn’t worth your time. It definitely isn’t worth theirs, so give it a rest! It's easier that way."
I don't want it to be easy.
A flurry of footsteps and a hard knocking on the door interrupts our conversation, I can feel Omori retreat into the depths of my mind. He’s quiet when there’s others around. He’s listening. Searching for truth in his own words, and weakness in mine. I wonder if he’ll ever find it.
Getting up to answer the call, my hand wavers over the door for just a moment, I feel my blood turn to ice and my heart do a 10-point swan dive into my stomach. I think the cereal is giving it a standing ovation. With a deep breath and a brief recollection of some choice words, I open it slowly, dramatically, to the sight of a familiar face.
“Hey, Sunny!”
Before I can respond, Kel has already scooped me up into a big hug. I’m noticeably higher up into the air and I already miss the sanctity of precious ground.
“How’ve you been, bestest buddy?! You look taller, have you gotten taller?” He looks over to his older brother, who has managed to gently squeeze through the doorway past the intense reunion hug action.
“Hero. Taller? Yes or no?”
“Let the poor guy down and we’ll have a look, you’re gonna crush him!”
“Whoops! Sorry pal.” He returns me to the sweet, sweet earth, and then sidles up next to me. It’s at this point that I realize something. Kel smells.
“Eh? Ehhh?” He’s hovering a hand over my head, gauging my current height against his memory. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot another figure outside the front door, leaning against the railing. Her pink hair practically glowing amidst an otherwise gloomy overcast afternoon. I put on my best smile and wave meekly to her. She smirks at this, before turning away briefly, and then finally sauntering into the house behind the other guests.
“I think you’re right Kel, he might have grown a few inches.” Hero puts a hand on my shoulder. “I swear Sunny, you don’t age a day. You’ve got to tell us how you keep the eternal youth look.”
“Don’t go outside.”
Hero laughed at that. It was a warm laugh, like he’s finally managed to get some life back in him. I remember how he had been when seeing him for the first time in four years. There were a lot of big changes, like the guy who sprung up several feet next to me, for example. Aubrey’s change had been quite dramatic too, but there was something more heartrending about how Hero hadn’t visibly changed at all, but if you looked carefully enough, it was there. A deep and horrible sadness that continued to eat at him. But now, his smiles didn’t seem so fake, and seeing him laugh so genuinely only seemed to make Kel even more giddy, somehow.
Aubrey is looking around the living room, examining what little in the way of decorations there are. “Nice place.” She says, looking forlornly out of the window to our tiny garden, before settling on a framed photo of Mari sitting alone on a desk. I can't see her expression, but knowing she sees it is enough to make my heart do some more bouncing off of my other organs. Maybe I should have put that away.
“Of course! You haven’t seen Sunny’s new house yet!” He gestures dramatically, beckoning to the rest of the house. “Shall we give you a tour?”
“It’s not much to look at.” I insist.
“It’s cozy! Just has to be lived in a little, is all.” Kel forms a frame with his hands. Surveying the room, the frame eventually settles onto me. “A couple of good times, and then it’ll feel like a home.”
“And we’ll be there for those.” Says Hero, patting his younger brother on the back. “But we have another home to improve today.”
“That’s right! Can’t keep the big man waiting! 17 years old, huh? Sometimes I can’t believe me and him are the same age. You and Basil are so tiny!” Kel ruffles my hair playfully.
Hero checks his watch. “We should head back to Faraway soon, got everything together, Sunny?”
“Yeah.” Is my absentminded reply, currently focused intently on unruffling. “Let me get my stuff.”
I scamper off into my bedroom and grab a small backpack sitting in the corner of the room. I take the time to triple-check I have everything I need. A sleeping bag, a change of clothes, toiletries, things like that.
There’s a small present next to the bag. It’s gift-wrapped with smiling suns printed all over it. I thought it was cute when I got it, but I’ve realized the incidental joke with my name and now I find it cheesy. Stupid.
Nonetheless, I pick up the bag in one hand and the gift in the other, tightly wrapping it around my chest.
I amble back in with my travel gear, Kel has made himself at home on the couch, lying down and kicking his feet up into Hero, who’s sitting neatly next to him. Aubrey is leaning into the kitchen island, her gaze almost dramatically looking away from the desk on the other side of the room. I hear the brothers conversing as I make my way in.
“-We’re lucky Sunny gave us such good instructions, it’s like a maze out here.”
Kel is practically bouncing off of his seat. “We passed a sushi place and a shopping mall and a HUGE sports stadium that I really wanted to go in and a WEAPON store. Like a bunch of old swords or something!”
Aubrey's still looking off at nothing in particular. “We could have had a little look…”
“Adding to your weapon collection, Aubrey?”
“Hey, I got rid of the nailbat! The nails, anyway.”
I dump the bag onto the table. “Should be everything.”
“Awesome!” Hero clasps his hands together. “Well, if you’re all set, we should-“
Kel’s hands reach for the bag. “Hey, one of the zippers are open!” He attempts to close up one of the pockets, when it gets caught on something.
I open it up and pull out the offending item. It’s a slightly worn photo album.
“Basil’s photo album! I forgot he gave it to you.”
“It’s his favourite thing ever.” Aubrey says, joining us on surrounding the table. She has a hesitant look on her face, as if she was afraid to so much as touch it again. “I can’t believe he could pull himself away from it.”
“You’re incredibly special to him.” Hero says gently. “He talks about you all the time. I hear you two send each other letters.”
“W-we talk. About stuff.” I stammer, trying to stop my face from heating up with all of the eyes suddenly on me. What had Basil told them!?
“I’m just glad, is all. I was worried you two might not get along anymore, after…” His voice trails off.
“But we shouldn’t go there, not today at least. How about we get going?”
“Yeah, let’s- “
Aubrey stops me as I turn around. “We’ll catch up in just a sec.”
“Uh, sure thing, just don’t take too long! I don’t want Polly to get worried about us.”
“Don’t get too busy, lovebiiiirds!” Kel teases loud enough for the rest of the block to hear, before running off to the car.
“Ugh.” Was Aubrey’s attempt at a response to that. She pauses briefly, turning off to the side, I can see her glimpsing at the photo of Mari again.
She speaks, but doesn’t turn to face me. “I didn’t get to say hey earlier. So. Uh. Hey.”
“Hi.” I greet back.
She turns back to me a little too fast.
“You look good.”
I’m not sure what the face I’m making is, but I bet it looks silly enough to make Aubrey realize the possible connotations of what she just said. Her own face briefly shifts into a look of horror as she attempts to addend that last statement.
“Healthy, I mean! Like you’ve remembered to eat something for the first time in years.” She elbows me a little too forcefully, as if to bat away some superstition of mine. It works.
“Thank you. You look good as well.” It was true. Aubrey had looked dishevelled before I left, her radiant pink hair unkempt and her expression constantly shifting between a sneering malice and shameful regret. Today, she looked remarkably cleaner. She still had that edge to her, but I figured that was going to take a long time to go away, if ever. She’d be changed now, like how a lot of us have changed. There’s something approaching warmth in her smile in response.
“Ha! I like this new, talkative Sunny. You must get all the girls in this new school of yours.”
“Mm.” I continue my commitment to being chatty. I suppose I’ve never been much of a talker. It used to be that I had a sister and friends speak for me, and they had grown used to having to ask me everything in yes or no questions that I could shake my head to, or simply accepting eerie silence as an answer. Nowadays, I’m a little more on my own. I still don’t make for a glowing conversationalist, but around the people that I trust- and especially the ones who I believe deserve it, like Basil and Aubrey and Kel and Hero. I try to speak more.
I still think a lot more than I say, mind you. Hence the lengthy diatribe spawned from an “Mm.”
Aubrey snaps me out of my inner monologue as she makes her way to the car. “Now come on, I think Kel is trying to steal the front seat. No way I’m giving up shotgun.”
“I was only keeping it warm for you.” Kel pouted as he nursed his arm.