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Hakkai is fifteen when he finally works up the courage—as the result of years-long pining—to confess his very real, very honest love towards Mitsuya. His face is beet red and his ears are burning, and he hears, rather than feels, himself bravely saying the words, “please be my boyfriend.”
And, almost as expected, Mitsuya rejects him with a soft smile, telling Hakkai that he doesn’t see him in the same light.
It’s disheartening, a terrible feeling that can only be known as heartbreak, but when he asks, “can I keep trying?” in a small voice, stating that he wants to give it his all before accepting defeat, so that he has no regrets, Mitsuya agrees, giving Hakkai a stern warning that it might not work, but otherwise telling him, with slight enthusiasm, “give it your best!”
—
The first step in Hakkai’s Make Taka-chan Fall Head Over Heels In Love With Me plan is to ask Yuzuha for advice. After all, it’s probably best to ask a girl for this sort of thing, and Yuzuha’s older, so she has more experience when it comes to love and all the affectionate feelings that come with.
He decides he won’t tell her who he’s courting, but he barely gets the question out before Yuzuha is blurting “Mitsuya?” and Hakkai rushes over to smack a hand over her mouth, looking around and praying nobody heard.
“D—don’t say it out loud, stupid!”
Yuzuha rolls her eyes, swatting his hand away, giving him a look. “Give me a thousand yen and I’ll help you out.”
“That’s not fair,” he protests, but Yuzuha holds out her hand anyway. It’s always something with her. She can never help him simply from the goodness in her heart. He mutters bitch under his breath, scavenging through his pocket to pull five-hundred yen out.
“This is all I got on me,” he slaps the money he's been saving for a new video game into her hand bitterly.
She inspects it, sighing, but otherwise stuffing the money away for safekeeping. “Now take notes, kid brother, because I’m about to give you valuable information that puts the internet to shame.”
Hakkai nods, taking out a note-pad and pencil he had prepped, listening earnestly.
—
In the end, it feels as if he wasted five-hundred yen for some advice that he could have easily gotten at the library for free. Still, he would be a fool not to take it, so he begins step two of his plan accordingly.
—
Step two: be approachable and friendly.
That’s easy enough. Mitsuya approaches him daily, so that shouldn’t be a struggle. Maybe he can work on the friendly part, but he isn’t quite sure how to go about that. He isn’t unfriendly per se, but his appearance might give off that impression.
Hakkai learns that he needs to have a welcoming smile and open body language. So, the next time he sees Mitsuya, he smiles almost painfully wide, rows of teeth on full display, and stands straight with his arms tight at his side—open, friendly, approachable.
He thinks he did good, except Mitsuya starts laughing, and now he feels like he messed up somehow, perhaps misinterpreted something Yuzuha said.
“Why are you standing like that?” Mitsuya’s now doubled over, clutching his stomach from laughing too much. “You look like a scarecrow!”
“You’re mean, Taka-chan!” Hakkai says, embarrassed.
“Sorry, I just can’t take you seriously when—“ he doesn’t even finish, too busy trying to catch his breath. “Seriously, what are you doing?”
Oh, Yuzuha also said something about direct eye-contact. Maybe that’s what’s missing. But, lucky for him, he still has time to fix it, so he stares at Mitsuya with wide eyes, giving him his full focus.
“Uh,” Mitsuya coughs. He waves a hand in front of Hakkai’s face. “Hakkai, did you hear me?” his hand turns into a fist, reaching up and lightly knocking on Hakkai’s forehead. “Are you feeling alright?”
“Oh, um, yeah, I am,” he stutters, rubbing at the spot. “Sorry I was just—trying something?”
“Okay…” Mitsuya nods, eyes squinting suspiciously, questioning. “You weren’t blinking there for a bit. Had me worried. But we need to get going. We’re late to the meeting.” Right, the gang meeting, where they should be.
Well, his intention wasn’t to worry Mitsuya. He smiled—friendly. He kept his arms at his side—open body language. He maintained eye-contact—engaged.
Where did he go wrong?
Step two: failed
—
Step three: show interest in him
He’s been showing interest in Mitsuya since the day they met, so it’s safe to say this mission will go smoothly.
To: taka-chan
> 1:25 pm: at the store with yuzuha
> 1:25 pm: picking up vegetables
> 1:26 pm: and fruit
> 1:27 pm: and ramen
> 1:27 pm: and chips
> 1:27 pm: and milk
> 1:27 pm: and eggs
From: taka-chan
> 1:27 pm: hakkai
> 1:28 pm: i got it
> 1:28 pm: and meat
> 1:28 pm: and bread
> 1:28 pm: ur blowing up my phone
> 1:28 pm: …
> 1:34 pm: and water
To: taka-chan
> 8:43 pm: with the gang.
From: taka-chan
> 8:43 pm: i know
> 8:43 pm: talking to angry
> 8:45 pm: i can literally see u
> 8:52 pm: about to go say hi to takemichi
> 8:52 pm: and mikey
> 8:52 pm: cause they're together
> 8:54 pm: have fun
To: taka-chan
> 5:47 pm: at the arcade
> 5:47 pm: with takemichi and chifuyu
> 5:47 pm: peh’s coming too
From: taka-chan
> 6:01 pm: win me something
> 6:05 pm: really???
> 6:05 pm: :0
> 6:05 pm: what do u want????
> 6:06 pm: surprise me
> 6:06 pm: i will do my best!
> 6:29 pm: i lost T-T
> 6:30 pm: haha
> 6:30 pm: it’s okay
> 6:30 pm: i’m sorry :(
To: taka-chan
> 9:04 am: at school
> 9:04 am: taking a test
From: taka-chan
> 9:07 am: hakkai
> 9:07 am: focus on ur test
> 9:07 am: just finished
> 9:08 am: really?
> 9:08 am: maybe
> 9:08 am: not important
> 11:26 am: eating lunch now
> 11:26 am: with takemichi
> 11:26 am: his buds too
> 11:26 am: chifuyu too
> 11:26 am: eat well
> 11:54 am: finished
> 11:54 am: going back to class
> 11:56 am: hakkai
> 11:56 am: seriously, u don’t have to text me all this
> 11:56 am: i’m showing interest though
> 11:56 am: by texting me all about ur day?
> 11:56 am: oh
> 11:57 am: right
> 11:57 am: how rude of me
> 11:57 am: how’s ur day?
Step three: failed
—
Step four: get to know his friends
This one’s confusing, because Mitsuya’s friends are his friends, so how exactly should he go about this?
“How much do you really know about them, though?” Yuzuha counters when Hakkai asks her to clarify.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you know Takemichi’s birthday? Or Chifuyu’s favorite color? Or how many victories the twins have? Or how tall Mikey is? The list goes on and on,” she continues tapping on her phone.
She has a point. He doesn’t know any of those things. So, as any reasonable person would, he asks.
He learns that Takemichi’s birthday is June 25. He learns Chifuyu’s favorite color is blue because it’s the color of his eyes. He learns the twins have a total of seventeen wins between the two, but he avoids asking how many defeats. He learns that Mikey is one-hundred sixty-two centimeters short, which isn’t surprising, but Draken is one-hundred eighty-five centimeters tall, which is only a couple centimeters taller than himself.
He continues to ask, learning more about Mitsuya’s friends with every passing day; favorite food, favorite game, favorite drink, favorite movie, favorite show, and, in Chifuyu’s case, favorite manga. It’s fun, Hakkai realizes. They spend most days together, but there’s actually a lot he doesn't know about his own gang.
“Hakkai, why’ve you been asking the guys so many questions lately?” Mitsuya asks on day five of his mission. His cover has been blown.
“To get to know you better,” Hakkai answers easily.
“…and asking about their lives will help you get to know me better… how?”
Step four: failed
—
Step five: find common ground
He shares lots of interests with Mitsuya, such as the gang, and video games, and best spots to grab a quick bite. However, Hakkai knows there’s another hurdle he needs to cross if he wants to get closer to him.
Sewing.
His first idea is to join the home ec club at his school, but registration ended months ago, so they kick him out quickly enough, before he gets a chance to learn what a sewing machine is. (There’s a machine that does the work for you? Like a robot? That’s news to him.)
His second idea is to ask Yuzuha, because maybe she picked something up from their mom when she was alive, but, not to his surprise, Yuzuha is useless.
His third idea is to ask around the gang, see if one of them can help him, but every member Hakkai questions stares at him as if he has two heads, before directing him to his captain, because Mitsuya is the resident expert on all things housework.
Though, Hakkai wanted to avoid that situation. He wanted to show up one day and impress Mitsuya with his extraordinary sewing skills, but that possibility doesn’t seem likely anymore.
Finally, he caves in and asks Mitsuya himself.
“You want to learn how to sew?”
“Well, I thought it’d be useful to know. I’m always getting into fights and ruining my clothes.”
Mitsuya studies him. “But I always fix it for you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to bother you with that stuff. It must be annoying.”
Mitsuya’s brows knit together in confusion. “I don’t mind. I like helping you out.”
“But it must be stressful having to do that all by yourself. No one ever helps you out.”
“You’re young. You don’t need to worry about stuff like that. I can handle it.”
Hakkai pouts. “I’m not a kid. I’m a man, you know.” He blushes, because that was a bit too embarrassing to say out loud, especially in front of his crush, but he’s not someone Mitsuya can view as a kid. He wants to be viewed as a romantic prospect.
Mitsuya blinks, taken aback. Then, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t like it when you overdo things. I’m fine, really.”
“I don’t like it when you overdo things either.” Mitsuya does so much, too much, and in hindsight, it’s always been this way. Taking care of his sisters, taking care of him, taking care of the members—it’s always been Mitsuya doing it all. It makes him feel guilty. “You’re always helping me, Taka-chan. I just want to help you too,” he says, small.
Mitsuya gives him a long look. Hakkai shifts under his gaze, nervous. Did he go too far? He hadn’t meant to offend Mitsuya by making him feel inferior, but maybe that’s the way it came across.
A long second passes.
“You’re definitely not a kid,” Mitsuya smiles. Hakkai’s eyes widen. “Come here then. Peh got his uniform all torn up. I’ll show you how to fix it.”
It takes Hakkai three seconds for his brain to reboot and forcefully move his body, his heart pounding irregularly in his chest.
Perhaps it would have been best to begin practicing on clothing that doesn’t belong to the gang. Peh came that night to pick up his uniform, and, well, he couldn’t exactly leave with it in the condition it was in.
Peh-yan was livid.
Step five: failed
—
Step six: meet his family.
At this point, Hakkai is starting to doubt where Yuzuha gets her knowledge from, because he’s already met Mitsuya’s family. Yuzuha has too, so where is she getting at?
Oh.
Oh.
Maybe she meant he needs to bond with his family. That seems like a tricky one, because Mitsuya’s mom spends all day working, and his sisters are kids who are solely interested in dresses and dolls. Hakkai has no interest in that.
He doesn’t need to ponder much, because Luna and Mana make the decision for him.
The girls try dressing Hakkai up first, but Hakkai is too tall to fit any of their clothing, so they settle for hair and makeup. Except, Hakkai doesn’t exactly have much hair for the girls to play with, so they settle for makeup. Except, the girls don’t exactly own makeup, so they settle for non-toxic markers they have lying around in their coloring box (at least, Hakkai hopes they’re non-toxic, but the girls brush off his question without so much as a glance in his direction).
Hakkai sits placatingly on the floor, eyes closed as the girls assault his face, and even though he has no clue what is happening, he can feel the harsh rub of markers all the way up to his hairline, and he can hear Yuzuha laughing from her spot across the room, and it might just be worse than getting pummeled.
At one point he hears Yuzuha yell, “I think he needs more pink,” and just as he’s about to open his eyes to inspect the situation, the girls poke at his eyelids some more. It hurts, and he worries he might go blind, and he comes to the conclusion that sisters honestly, truly, are the worst type of evil.
Hours must have passed, and the next thing he registers is the sound of the door unlocking, and Mitsuya’s voice calling out to them, “I’m home!”, and Hakkai realizes that this might have been his worst idea yet, because Mitsuya comes into view with a paper bag in hold, takes one look at Hakkai, proceeds to drop the bag—apples bruising on the hardwood floor—and bursts out laughing.
Well, great. He might as well add a big red nose and a wig, because he’s been taken for a clown.
Step six: failed
—
Step seven: talk about your hopes for the future
Utterly lost. Hakkai is utterly lost on this one. He doesn’t even know what he plans to do in the future, what career he wants or what he wants to study, so how is he supposed to discuss these things with Mitsuya?
He takes the simple route instead.
“Do you want kids?” he asks one night after school. Mitsuya has just put the girls to sleep, and they are sharing noodles and drinking coke in Mitsuya’s home, a place Hakkai is quite familiar with.
Mitsuya hums. “Not really. I’ve spent half my life raising Luna and Mana, and as much as I love them, I don’t think I’d like to spend my adulthood taking care of kids.”
Hakkai sips his soda through his bendy straw. “Good,” he says, perhaps a little too bluntly.
“Why?”
“Because I’m a guy.”
“What—“ Mitsuya starts, but realizes the implication of it, and rephrases. “You don’t want kids?”
“No. I think I’d be a bad dad.”
Mitsuya contemplates for a moment, then, “I don’t believe that. You’re great with my sisters. They love you.”
Hakkai scratches the back of his head for lack of anything else. And I love you, he’s tempted to say, but refrains. That’s not what he wanted to discuss tonight.
“We can always adopt.” Compromise, since they can’t have children.
Mitsuya stares at him, not having expected that response. “You’re getting ahead of yourself.”
Of course he is. After all, he came with the intent to talk about their future. Yuzuha said it’s important to establish what you want in a relationship, to see if you’re compatible. Well, Mitsuya doesn’t want kids, and he can’t exactly conceive them, so it works out great.
Hakkai sulks.
Mitsuya sighs. “But, maybe we can discuss that in the future. Not when my sisters are sleeping next door and we’re drinking soda at ten p.m. on a school night,” he adds, and this time, Hakkai’s the one caught off-guard.
‘In the future’ implies that there is a future for them, right? He’s got to confer with the internet before he makes a conclusion on that statement, but it’s okay if he feels a little hope, right? It’s okay if his cheeks heat up and his heart stops, isn’t it?
“Okay,” he says meekly. He had planned to discuss the topic of marriage as well, but the words catch in his throat and he figures that he’d rather not bombard Mitsuya with too much information at once.
Step seven: success?
—
Problem: there are no more steps.
Hakkai has reached the end of his list. There are no more missions he can complete in attempt to win Mitsuya’s affection. He doesn’t know where to go from here.
Should he start over? No, that’ll get repetitive. If they didn’t work the first time, they won’t work the second. Should he try a new tactic, maybe get advice from someone other than Yuzuha? That’s certainly an option, but who can he go to that will actually give him useful information. His friends consist of teenage guys with little to no relationship experience. Well, save for Takemichi, but Hakkai’s positive that an idiot like him won’t be of any help.
“Hakkai, you daydreaming?”
“Huh?” He looks up, watching as Mitsuya sits in the vacant spot across from him. “Taka-chan? What’re you doing here?”
“I can ask the same to you. You shouldn’t be out so late.”
“Just came to buy a snack.” He only meant to buy himself a drink at the convenience store—to step out of his apartment for a bit and get some fresh air, clear his head—but he had some change on him, so he purchased a bowl of ramen and seated himself outside in a plastic chair and table.
Mitsuya sighs. “Really? You seemed kinda out of it yesterday. Something going on?”
No. Not really. Hakkai’s life is at a high point, the best it’s ever been. Taiju’s gone—left one morning with nothing but a suitcase and a curt goodbye to Yuzuha—and he’s finally gained some level of confidence in his ability to protect his sister, and everything is great. More than great. Perfect.
Well, it should be perfect, but love is a stubborn thing with no regard for the situation or his efforts.
“I heard you gave my mom flowers.”
Ah. He did send her flowers when he was working to complete step six of his plan. Mitsuya’s mother is a nurse, she works long hours and her schedule is never constant, always on call or picking up extra shifts when she can, but Hakkai still wanted to do something, to show his determination, so Yuzuha said he should buy her flowers, which is exactly what he did. It took a bit of planning, he had to consult Luna and Mana to figure out the timing, but once he did, he showed up at the hospital on her lunch break, careful not to rob too much of her time, and thrusted the flowers her way. He’s met her plenty of times before, but she wasn’t expecting him to show up at her job, and he was especially nervous then.
He wanted to declare his love for her son, but couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Not yet, not when she was exhausted and other nurses were eyeing him warily. It didn’t matter, because she seemed to have understood his silence anyway, and she smiled just like Mitsuya would, soft and gentle, and told him that she’s glad her son has someone like him by his side.
He never told Mitsuya that, though.
“S—she told you?”
“Yuzuha did.”
Stupid Yuzuha, going behind his back, all sly and shit. “Oh.” He’s surely blushing now, his ramen forgotten. “Sorry. Don’t know why she said anything.” It wasn’t exactly a secret, but after failing miserably like this, he wished it stayed one.
“I’m glad she did.”
“Why?” That’s even more embarrassing.
Mitsuya smirks. “It was sweet.”
There’s something unspoken left lingering. Hakkai doesn’t understand.
“You don’t have to do that.” Is this what pity is? Is Mitsuya pitying him? He hates the thought. That’s not like Mitsuya at all.
“Do what?”
“That,” he repeats, which clarifies nothing, so he continues. “Taka-chan, I gave it my all. I did everything I could and it didn’t work, but I have no regrets. Really. It just sorta... hurts right now. I don’t feel much better even after trying, but I’ll be okay. You don’t have to feel sorry for me.”
Mitsuya quirks a brow. “And who said it didn’t work?”
“I—” how does he respond to that? He doesn’t need verbal confirmation to know that Mitsuya will only ever see him as a friend—or worse, as a little brother. He’d rather not have Mitsuya reject him again.
“There’s somewhere I wanna go. Come with?” Mitsuya stands, not waiting for Hakkai to catch up, much less answer. And, of course, like always, Hakkai follows.
—
“Why are we at a playground?” The walk was fairly short, and the location is a nostalgic one, with rusty swings and monkey bars he used to love playing on. It was the only time he could feel like a real kid.
“This is where we first met, idiot. You were beating the shit out of some kid right here.” Mitsuya recalls the memory, taking a seat on the bench and gesturing Hakkai over.
Hakkai’s come a long way since then. He’s proud, almost, of the person he became. He’s not half-bad.
“Why are we here?”
“When we first met, I thought of you as a brother, you know? There’s only girls in my home, so I thought having a little brother would be fun. Teaching you how to fight, trying out my new barber skills on you, riding bikes together—I’m really happy you were by my side, Hakkai.” It’s his worst nightmare come true. Mitsuya does, in fact, see him as a sibling. That’s almost worse than being rejected. Twice.
“I think that’s why I resisted as much as I did.”
“Resisted?” Hakkai asks.
“Yeah,” Mistsuya nods. “I didn’t want to take advantage of you. You’ve blindly followed me since the beginning, and when you confessed, I worried that you might’ve been confusing admiration with love. I thought that rejecting you properly would make you realize that, but it looks like I was wrong.”
“I’m not confusing anything,” Hakkai defends shyly. “I’m not a kid, Taka-chan. I know what I feel perfectly fine.”
“Yeah, you do. Sorry it took me so long to realize,” he agrees.
It’s quiet for a moment. The wind picks up for a while, and it’s a harsh reminder that February is in a few days and they are sitting in a park in the middle of the night, not at all dressed properly for the cold.
“I definitely didn’t expect you to put together a full-blown plan.” It’s Mitsuya who finally breaks the silence, and Hakkai can’t help but whip his head around in shock that Mitsuya knew of his plan. Again, stupid Yuzuha. She’s never been this much of a gossip. “You know she was just messing with you, right?”
No, he didn’t know. If he knew, he never would’ve followed the advice of his deranged sister. She likes to see him suffer, apparently.
“She made me pay her five-hundred yen,” he groans. “She’s so annoying.”
Mistuya chuckles. “Maybe, but she cares for you a lot. She’s the one who told me where you were, actually.”
Hakkai blinks. “What?”
“You honestly thought I found you by mistake? It's eleven, Hakkai. Who do you think is at my place right now watching my sisters?”
He thinks. “Yuzuha?”
“Yuzuha,” Mitsuya confirms.
Oh. Well, maybe he feels a little bad for calling her a bitch, rather repetitively, in his head for the past five minutes. He’ll buy her a drink to make up for it later.
“Your plan was pretty crazy. I was worried about you half the time.”
“... sorry. I didn’t realize how bad it was.”
“Bad, yeah. But it did work.”
A beat.
Another one.
Then another.
It takes ten seconds for the words to register, for his brain to catch up. “What do you mean?” his voice cracks, and if Mitsuya notices, he doesn’t say.
“You had a bad plan, and you failed all the steps miserably, and I was confused on what you were doing the whole time, but somehow, somewhere along the way—whether it was before or after your ridiculous plan, I’m not really sure—I started to like you too. So yeah, your plan to make me fall ‘head over heels in love with you’,” he air quotes (damn, did Mitsuya see his written list as well? As if it couldn’t get any more embarrassing for him), “did work, because I am head over heels in love with you, Hakkai.”
He wants to hear it again, because he simply can’t believe it. It feels like all the air has left his lungs and he’s going to float away to heaven any minute now, because Mitsuya just said that, and now Mitsuya’s leaning in, and now he’s kissing him, and it’s Hakkai’s first kiss, and it’s with Mitsuya, and he is too shocked to believe it’s true, that this is really happening, that he is kissing his crush who he has been in love with for years now. This has to be a dream, he rationalizes, and it wouldn’t be too off of an assumption to make, so he almost believes it’s true.
Then...
“Idiot. It’s kinda awkward to kiss someone who has their eyes open like that,” Mitsuya smirks, not a breath away, and Hakkai hadn’t realized that his eyes were open in the first place, because he wasn’t really seeing. “Close ‘em.”
Hakkai obeys, wants to hurry and get back to kissing, and he might have shut them too fast and too tightly to seem casual.
He can hear a soft laugh escape Mitsuya’s lips, and he can only imagine how flushed he is, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because Mitsuya’s lips are back on his, and it takes Hakkai a few tries before he learns how to move his mouth in line with Mitsuya’s experienced own rather than against.
Internally, in the very back of his mind where some sanity remains, he gives himself a pat on the back for failing his plan so successfully.
—
And when they arrive at Mitsuya’s apartment an hour later—Hakkai flushed deep red and lips plump and swollen while Mitsuya, unsurprisingly, looks like they hadn’t just been making out on the playground bench—Yuzuha gives a knowing, cocky grin, and Hakkai blushes even more, grasping the very obvious fact that Yuzuha had been toying with him from the start.