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Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
That’s what Katsuki’s mother told him. However, what she didn’t tell him was that words were like water rushing against rocks. While they don’t directly hurt in the short term, words have the ability to break someone down until they are the smallest, most shriveled up form of themself.
Self-worth is like a boulder. The hurt that others bring upon you slowly breaks you down. Ignoring it doesn’t even help because deep down you that the words hurt. Slowly the strong boulder of self-worth you thought you had, turns out to be a pebble and at that point, you have to swim above that. Lest you not be able to swim above them… You risk drowning.
Katsuki could say that he was sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt Izuku as badly as he did with his words. But even he knew that was bullshit. Even he knew that his actions were reprehensible, deplorable, and the vile that he spewed from his were things completely unacceptable of a person who wanted to go to Yuuei and be a hero.
Katsuki wanted to save people and stop people from getting hurt. Right now it seemed though that the only thing that Katsuki had done was cause more hurt. Not only to De- Izuku, but to his parents and the few people who did care for the greenette.
Almost a week after Katsuki had screeched and yelled at Izuku to jump off the school. Izuku took that advice one day after school, and jumped in what couldn’t even be described as a “freak accident”.
Katsuki remembers that day and hated how fucking useless he was. His ears rang at how he remembered his classmates yelling at Izuku to get down, and not to jump. All of them yelling shit how “suicide wasn’t the answer” and “he had a life to live”, which in Katsuki’s opinion was bullshit.
Katsuki knew that all the people that were there that day didn’t give two fucks whether or not Izuku jumped. They just didn’t want the blood of the quirkless boy on their hands. They wanted to be able to make themselves feel better.
Katsuki remembered that day and how empty Izuku looked. His eyes were dark, and the ever so bright sparkle in his eyes that he usually had. His spindly arms clutching the notebook that Katsuki had ruined the week prior, and his face was streaming with tears and snot.
Katsuki honestly preferred that over what he saw now. The blond wasn’t allowed to enter Izuku’s room. Nobody was allowed to enter Izuku’s room though, the doctor’s made that fact very clear. So Katsuki was forced to look at the corpse of his friend from a glass window.
It was laughable really.
Izuku was hooked up to all of these big machines meant to keep him alive and breathing. A traque shoved down his throat and bandages and casts on his arms barely holding the greenette together.
Izuku was lucky to be alive. From what Katsuki had overheard, he suffered a massive head and neck injury from falling face-first into the concrete, but also broke his arms and some ribs from trying to break his fall at the very last second.
Katsuki remembered how he had tried to catch Izuku, but ended up with a bunch of blood on him. Izuku’s blood no less.
Blood was very red, Katsuki had learned that day.
It shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did that day. Izuku wasn’t a fucking alien with blue blood. He was a person, just like Katsuki. It broke and tormented Katsuki that it took Izuku to attempt to end his own life for him to realize that.
Katsuki realized in these weeks that he truly was a selfish and shitty person. Sitting here, staring at the living corpse that was Izuku, Katsuki knew that he didn’t even deserve to be in this hospital and near the greenette.
Katsuki didn’t deserve to feel upset. He was the one who drove Izuku to this point. Katsuki knew that he should take his dumbass and leave before Izuku’s parents got back. They’d ask him questions that Katsuki didn’t have the energy to answer.
Staring through the window harder once again, Katsuki realized that Izuku was either really fucking small, or the machines around him were huge and just managed to swallow him to the point where he looked like he was small.
Either way, Katsuki had to strain his eyes to see Izuku’s green curls. Izuku’s curls had slowly been losing a life the longer he remained in his comatose state from what Katsuki had seen. The green in his hair darkening, and the galaxy of freckles that Izuku had when he was still truly living slowly fading from his cheeks.
Katsuki stood for a while longer. Hoping that maybe if he stayed that Izuku would open his eyes. Maybe then Katsuki could tell Izuku how he had fucked up, and would spend the rest of his life making the wrongdoings to Izuku right.
This slow train of thought brought Katsuki to sit down in a chair nearby as he reached a solemn realization. The feeling of doubt plaguing his ever so torn mind.
Would Izuku even want Katsuki to apologize?
Katsuki is thinking about how to apologize and make up with the greenette but didn’t even think about what the dying boy even wanted. This realization just reminded Katsuki of how truly selfish he was, and with that, he decided to leave the hospital.
Katsuki didn’t realize how long he had been at the hospital until he walked out and the sun was setting. The sun burned its brightest orange and purple hues as it went to bed and made room for the moon to watch over the sleeping people of Japan.
Katsuki walked home slower than he usually did, taking in the scenery around him. He had been taking a lot of time to get home these past couple of weeks, and his parents didn’t really ask. They probably knew he was at the hospital.
They also probably knew that Katsuki had not been sleeping a lot. Ever since Izuku’s suicide attempt Katsuki had been plagued by that day. His brain replayed it over and over, reminding him of how he sat there and watched. How Katsuki was too slow to catch and break Izuku’s fall.
How Izuku’s choice to attempt suicide was his doing entirely.
Oh my god!
Bakugou! Are you okay!?
Someone! Anyone! Call an ambulance!
Holy Shit…
Katsuki’s ears rang. After Izuku fell, it was a horrible split of people trying to help Izuku, and people trying to see if Katsuki had gotten hurt by Izuku’s fall. That memory disgusted him greatly.
Katsuki remembered how he pushed past those people, to try and just hold Izuku together while the ambulance arrived. It felt like hours as the blood poured into his hands. Izuku’s painful cries shook Katsuki’s entire reality.
“W-What was I t-thinking! I-I don’t w-wanna die!” Izuku sobbed.
Katsuki walked faster, as the memory of the day slowly upset him. His eyes and nose began to burn hot with tears. He wasn’t too far away from his house.
Katsuki remembered how it took his parents hours after the fact to convince Katsuki to wash the blood off of him. His dad had to peel the ruined uniform off and basically wash it off of him. That night was a blur, but Katsuki remembered sleeping in his parents’ bed that night. He hadn’t done that in a very long time.
The weeks after the fact were a blur. Katsuki’s parents temporarily pulled him from school the next week so he could fully come out of his shock. Maybe the screaming himself awake from night terrors gave them an inkling that he wasn’t as okay as he claimed.
God...how far was his house?
Katsuki finally turned the street corner to his house and decided to book it home before he fully broke down. His entire body was shaking and felt hot in frustration and grief. Finally, Katsuki had made it to his house.
Cursing himself as he patted himself down for his house key. Katsuki’s shaken fingers were barely able to open the door. His body seizing up with grief and forcing him down to the floor. Katsuki felt the tears well up, and he finally let it all out.
Katsuki wanted Izuku to wake up. He wanted to turn back time, and actually catch the greenette so maybe he wouldn’t be stuck in a fucking hospital with a tube down his throat so a machine can force him to take a breath.
Katsuki wished that everything could be different.
However it wasn’t, and this was the reality that he had to live with. Reality being like bitter medicine that has finally been forced down Katsuki’s throat. Now all he could do was swallow it and try to pick himself up and try to become a better person.
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.