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Peter sits down on the roof of his building, releasing a breath he didn’t even know he was keeping trapped. The sun is winking at him on her way up, and the clouds shift peacefully above him, just like any other day. Showing the difference between the tops and bottoms of the concrete jungle he calls home.
He pulls the mask over his head, squinting as his eyes try to adjust to all the extra input around him. He peels the glove off his left hand, and fumbles to dig his necklace out from under his suit with trembling fingers.
The golden band he’s keeping there, safe and secure and grounding, a constant in this rollercoaster of a life, is almost taunting him with how heavy it’s been these past months. Cold against his chest, reminding him every minute of every day, of what he could have had. What he lost. And everything he’s got left.
He never thought he would come to a time like this. Where memories of the love of his life would make him feel guilty. Where they no longer gave him the comfort and strength he needed to move forward.
He swirls it around his fingers, stares at the letters inside, the tiny numbers he added to it. Thinks of the matching one in his bedside table, waiting for his new owner to grow old enough to understand the meaning behind it.
He swallows thickly, forcing down the sob resting in his throat as he frees the ring from the silver chain, and with unsteady hands, slips it onto his ring finger.
It still belongs there. It’s still meant to sit there, prideful and strong. But so should the man who once wore the other one. The man he grew up with. The man he spent years trying to understand. To protect. To love. The man he decided to share his life with. A home. A child.
He can hear the soft breathing of his son a few floors down, shifting in his bed, rustling of bed sheets. At peace, in a far away land where no one can come and take his family apart.
He sniffles, caresses the jewelry. The promises he made. The memories they made. The life they shared. And it’s all riddled with guilt and hurt and pain. Even 5 years later.
Normie barely even remembers his own father. All he knows is what he’s told. Pictures he’s seen. Videos and audio clips. But it’s still his father. And Peter would never try to replace him. He shouldn’t do that. He can’t do that.
He can’t replace Harry for either of them. He can’t replace the feeling he got when Harry smiled at him. When he laughed at a stupid joke. The pride in his eyes when he held his son. The joy when he found out he was gonna be a dad. Their first kiss. The sweaty hands when they intertwined their fingers to confront Norman.
He can’t replace that. He doesn’t want to. Yet — Something has changed in the way he acts and talks and feels when he’s around another certain superhero.
Butterflies and goosebumps and uncontrollable smiles and heated cheeks. All for a man he didn’t even want to know. A man he despised and did all he could to hate. A man he didn’t intend to have any deeper connection to, than the mutual agreement to help each other get off from time to time.
It was never supposed to go any further than that. It was supposed to be a quick, post battle hook up to get rid of the extra adrenaline pumping around.
He exhales slowly, shakily, and worries his lip between his teeth. How is he supposed to tell Tony everything he doesn’t know? How does Tony even know that he wants anything more than whatever they already have?
Peter hasn’t told him anything. Tony didn’t need to know anything. He knows a face and a first name.
He can hear the repulsors somewhere still too far away, and braces himself for… he doesn’t even know. He just took off. No wonder Iron Man is scouting Queens for him.
The least Peter can do, though, is tell Tony why this would never work. Why this is a terrible idea. That he can’t go against his family like that.
Till death do us part . Peter is still alive. And he’s determined to keep Harry alive through him until he no longer can. He won’t betray Harry’s precious memory. He won’t betray Normie . The innocent little boy that looks at him like he’s keeping the world turning just for him. Like he has all the answers. Like he’s the one keeping the monsters away.
There’s a clink behind him, and the sound of all the tiny nanites retracting fills his head as he continues to stare at the shiny promise on his finger, even as his vision blurs and falls out of focus.
He sniffles again, wondering what his husband would think if he was here to see how pathetic he is. How vulnerable and chaotic and weak he is.
“So, this is where the infamous Spider-Man takes off when he wants to be alone?” Tony walks up to him, slowly, expensive shoes crunching pebbles on the rooftop. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little confused.”
Peter hums, blinks away tears and moves his eyes up to look at the slowly rising sun. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” The words come out a little strangled, and he cringes to himself, clearing his throat.
“Wanna tell me what I did wrong?” What he did wrong. Did Tony do anything wrong? As far as Peter’s mind can comprehend everything, this is all his fault, and Tony is just the unfortunate guy who got tangled up in it all.
“It’s not—” It’s not you, it’s me , doesn’t really feel like a genuine thing to say. It’s the truth, but Tony probably won’t appreciate that. He takes a deep breath, looks back down at his hand, rubs his thumb over the smooth, cold surface.
“You’re married?” Tony sounds like someone just did the most incredible magic trick on him, and Peter cringes again.
“Well— no, yes. Kind of.” He never got a divorce, so he is technically still married, right? He’s been telling people that he's married for the past seven years. But does the marriage really continue when only one half is able to keep going?
“That’s just even more confusing, Pete. You gotta help me out here.”
Peter sighs. He doesn’t even know where to start. How is he gonna make Tony understand all the turmoil going on in his life? “Remember the whole green goblin mess that happened a few years ago?” He clears his throat again, regretting the words as soon as they’re out. This is probably not the best way to tell this story.
“You married a maniac?” The deadpan tone doesn’t really help Peter with his struggles, but to Tony’s defence, he doesn’t know who was under that sickly green skin and high pitched laugh. He doesn’t know the lengths Norman would go to, just to terrorize his only son.
“No. I married the person underneath. I grew up with him. We were best friends from childhood, and started dating in college,” he starts, and smiles at the clumsy, awkward tip toeing they danced around each other when everything suddenly took a sharp turn and none of them understood what the hell was going on.
“The green goblin is Norman Osborn’s invention. He used it on himself to cure an illness, and when it didn’t really do what he wanted it to do, he figured he could mess with his son instead.”
Tony doesn’t stop him from talking. He sits down next to Peter, silently, and listens as Peter opens up about his relationship with Harry, his dad, the struggles he went through to keep Harry from drowning in the scrutiny from his father. How Normie came to be, and the issues with Liz and the pregnancy and everything that came along with it. How Peter ended up adopting Normie after he was born. The wedding, the short-lived marriage.
“Wow, Pete, that’s… wow.” is all he gets when he finally takes a second to breathe. He looks over at him, and is both confused and a little relieved to see the empathy seeping from him. Tony isn’t exactly a guy who shows a lot of it, and even though they’ve kind of known each other for a while now, Peter wasn’t expecting it.
He knows a lot about the billionaire, but he’s a very public person. Peter, on the other hand, hasn't shared a single detail about his personal life, until now. And it all comes out at once, in a rush of words and stuttering and feelings that would easily drive anyone away in an instant.
And isn’t that the plan? He can’t have a relationship with Tony. He needs him to understand that. But Tony is still sitting there, looking at the sun with him. Not even the slightest sign he’s about to take off.
A warm hand finds his own, and curls around it, comforting and soft, yet riddled with scars and history. The rough thumb caresses the back of his hand, his fingers, and traces the ring. So much care and understanding radiates off of him, and Peter’s brain cuts off completely as he tries to figure out what’s going on.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Pete. I really am. No one should have to go through that shit. Ever. And I would never put you in a position where you felt like you were betraying your family.”
Well, that certainly didn’t help at all. What the hell happened to all the snarky remarks and quips and emotional distance he’s been showcasing all his life? Not that Peter is complaining at all, but this is a lot more authentic and honest from Tony’s side, than Peter could ever even imagine would be reality.
“But I still stand by what I said. I want to see where this is going if we put some effort into it. But we can take it slow, I’m not in a hurry to become a family man.” He shrugs, but offers a smirk and a wink, and then he bumps his shoulder into Peter’s for good measure.
“How do you even manage being spidey and a single dad, though? What do you even work with?”
The high pitched tone that leaks out from Tony’s mouth at the end just makes the entire conversation easier. It’s like it never even occurred to him that some people actually have normal jobs outside of saving the day.
“I’m a science teacher,” he offers, and bumps his shoulder back, offering a small smile. Not that it helps with Tony’s inner struggles at the moment. It looks as though he might fall off the roof any second if Peter keeps talking. “And my aunt lives with us, so Normie is never alone,” he shrugs, and tips his head back to look at the yellow, pinkish morning sky.
He should take Normie out here sometime, when he’s done being so incredibly grumpy every morning.
“You’re a teacher .”
“Yes, Tony. I show kids how not to handle chemicals.” Because that’s exactly what he does. Some of the kids in his class are bound to end up as a villain, he’s absolutely sure of it with how excited they get whenever they get to mess around and experiment on their own, and the sheer glee when Peter makes something explode.
“You’re a teacher ,” he repeats, as if the statement didn’t really go through the security systems in his brain the first time.
“Is it that hard to understand?”
“I don’t know exactly what I thought you worked with, but it was not this. How the hell did you end up there?”
Peter snorts, shaking his head slightly. “I like science, and I want to show kids how fun and exciting it can be,” he smiles, looking at Tony, the pride of what he’s accomplished in his life shining in his eyes.
“And your son? What’s he interested in?”
“Well—” Peter starts, and scratches at his chin, trying to figure out how to word it right without fueling Tony’s ego too much. “ — He’s 8. His interests shift from week to week. Right now I think it’s racing cars, after we met up with Johnny a few days ago.” He doesn’t need to say that the kid has his entire room filled with Iron Man merch, does he? That his own son thinks Iron Man is cooler than Spider-Man.
“You hang out with Johnny? As in Johnny Storm?” Now, this interrogation is getting kinda old, and Peter isn’t about to go into detail about his past with the blond supernova flying around New York. If Tony hasn’t yet caught up with all the messages they leave for everyone to see, then that’s not really Peter’s problem. Written notes in the sky are pretty hard to miss, after all.
It seems Tony gets the idea though, because the next thing that happens has nothing at all to do with Johnny or Normie or superheroes or careers.
His entire expression shifts, and he takes Peter’s hand up to his mouth, kissing his wedding ring, and looks at it with so much fondness, someone might have thought it belonged to him. “I would never make you give up the love of your life, Pete. But you deserve happiness. And I don’t know about you, but I think we’re having a pretty good time together. Would you like to try and see if this could work? With me?”
And isn’t that the million dollar question? Would he want to try? Is he even capable of doing this? He really does enjoy Tony’s company, but it’s not… he made a promise to Harry. And he can’t break that. He can’t replace what they have. But then again. That’s not what Tony is asking of him. This is different. It’s not a life changing decision, or a declaration of love. It’s just the two of them, trying to figure out if they fit together in this cluster of puzzle pieces scattered around the world.
If he finds out he can’t do it, then that’s okay, too, right? That’s why they’re doing this. To find out. Experiment. Test the different possibilities.
“Yeah, we can try,” he manages to croak out after way too long, still staring at his own hand, securely wrapped in Tony’s. Like it somehow belongs there. Like it found a new companion to lace it’s fingers with. “We can try,” he says again, a little firmer, nodding his head and frowning in determination.
“Good, so, Can I take you out next Friday?”
Peter smiles, eyes sparkling and chest just a little lighter than a few hours ago. “Only if I get to pick where to go, and pay.”
Tony sighs, tilting his head back, but offers his pinky as a way to make the agreement official. Peter laughs in victory and grabs the offered finger with his own, sealing the deal before he can change his mind.
It’s gonna be one hell of a date night at the arcade, that’s for sure.