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Knowing what you have to do and knowing the steps that make up what you have to do are two very different things.
John knows he needs his magic back. He needs it for himself, to teach Astra, to protect his team, to keep Zari safe. He knows that to get his magic, he needs to find the Fountain of Imperium. He knows that to find the Fountain, he needs to leave the ship.
He knows that to leave the ship, he needs to say goodbye to Zari.
Zari meets him in the corridor. She’s wearing a striped sweater and a black skirt, and her hair is half down and curls gently across her shoulders. She looks so soft, more so than usual, and John can’t smother the rush of warmth at the sight of her.
Zari smiles, approaching him with her usual coy swagger and expression. John tries to rustle something up in return but his usual mask just isn’t up to par that afternoon, and Zari notices something is amiss immediately.
“What is it?” she asks suspiciously, stopping her forward motion. “You have that look on your face that makes me think that I’m not going to like what comes out of your mouth very much.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t say it, then” John says with a rueful smile.
Zari stares him down, unamused. “I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of that little agreement we made not so long ago.”
Hey John? No more lies.
No more lies.
No more lies.
“I found a way to get my magic back,” he says in a rush, eyes unable to leave her face in some slightly masochistic need to see her reaction. “But it’s not going to be easy, and… I’ll need to leave the ship for awhile.”
Zari shrinks a bit away from him. “Let me come,” she pleads immediately. “Superhero girlfriend, remember? I told you I’d help you out.”
“Zari, love…” John steps forward and grasps her biceps. “I’m trying to find the Fountain of Imperium.”
Zari gives him a blank, borderline irritated look.
“The Fountain of Imperium,” John repeats, more deliberately. When Zari still doesn’t react, he lets out a groan. “We really need to work on your magical legend history.”
“How about you let me in on John Constantine’s present first?” Zari snaps. “Why do you need this stupid fountain, and why can’t I come with you? Why can’t the whole team come with you?”
“I can’t risk it, love,” John sighs. “This fountain- people have been searching for it for centuries without success. Besides, I have no idea what kind of dangerous situations I’ll be running into. I can’t risk dragging the whole team into this mess. I’ve pulled them into enough of my bull as it is.” He gives her a faint smile. “No more selfish John Constantine.”
“You just have to prove me wrong, don’t you,” Zari huffs, but she doesn’t seem mad anymore, which John takes as a win.
John reaches out and pulls her into his chest, pressing his hand to the back of her soft brown hair and breathing in her perfectly distributed perfume. He knows what they both do: There’s no telling how long they’ll be apart. There’s no telling if John will even come back from this alive.
Zari lets out a shaky breath, stepping back and pressing her fingers right to her bottom lash line like she does whenever she’s trying to save her mascara from oncoming tears. “Will you- will you be able to contact me, at least?” she asks tightly. “Check in every once in awhile? Just so I know you’re still- still-“
John shakes his head dubiously. “I’ll try to find some way to reach you. But you know how connection is on the ship, and it could be even worse where I’m headed.”
Zari huffs. “I know. If it’s taken people this long to find the Fountain of Imperium, I can’t imagine they had a chance to put up cell towers.”
She eyes John again, drinking in his face. “I trust you, John,” she says finally. “I trust that you’ll do whatever you can to stay alive and get home to me in one piece. Magic or no. Just come home to me.”
John can’t truthfully say that this is the first time in his life that a person has been his home instead of a place, but he can say that it’s been awhile. The comfort and protection he derives from Zari’s proximity is almost enough to sway him in his mission.
But he needs to do this. What kind of Legend would he be without an integral part of himself to offer? What kind of boyfriend?
So instead of deciding to stay with her and abandon his quest, John just nods. Zari reaches forward and cups his face, drawing him into a kiss. John makes sure that it lasts awhile, that he gets one last chance to kiss her in every way she likes best: nibbling at her bottom lip, stroking just under her sweater with his thumbs, her hands gripping the lapels of his coat like they’d come to do over and over.
Finally, Zari rips away from the kiss, squeezing her lips together and barely able to meet his eyes. “Bye, John,” she whispers, running her thumb along his cheekbone before turning around and quickly striding back down the hallway in the direction she’d come from.
John sighs, leaning up against the wall and letting his head fall back. Zari hadn’t been angry. She hadn’t tried to stop him.
And that’s good. Because if she had tried to stop him, John honestly thinks he might have stayed.