Chapter Text
Beth shifted uneasily on the hard leather sofa, but she couldn't get any further from the man sitting on the other side without getting up and moving to a different seat, which were coincidentally all full. He turned to look at her and she diverted her gaze back to the questionnaire she was supposed to be filling out, but not without covering her wrist out of habit first.
She wasn't sure why she did it. The campus counseling office surely was no place to be hiding her self-injury scars, but old habits die hard. In fact that was why she was there in the first place. After several years of self-harm and a suicide attempt two years ago, Beth had dedicated herself to recovery and had achieved it. That was until she started university and the stress had become too much for her to handle. Not that she was planning to take her own life, she just craved that feeling of control. It scared her though, which was why she decided to make an appointment with a counselor before it got too bad.
She completed the questionnaire as quickly and honestly as she could and returned the clipboard to the receptionist. She awkwardly returned to her side of the sofa and the man on the other side looked up at her through his long brown hair and their eyes met for a brief second before Beth quickly looked away.
Looking away only served to remind Beth why she was at counseling in the first place. It wasn't like her to be so cold and avoidant. She was usually very warm and friendly, especially in a setting like this where she knew everyone in this waiting room must have been struggling with some kind of unhappiness, some kind of pain.
Two women appeared at the edge of the waiting room, the first called Beth's name and she got up to follow.
“Daryl Dixon.” the second woman called and Beth watched as the man sitting next to her stood and walked with his head down in the same direction.
“Tell me a bit about yourself.” Beth's counselor, Megan said. “What's your year? Your major? Where are you from?”
Beth glanced out the large window that overlooked the large campus and briefly admired the beauty of the autumn leaves before answering. “I'm a freshman and I'm majoring in music. I grew up on my daddy's farm outside of Senoia.”
Megan nodded and jotted something on her clipboard. “So what brings you to counseling, Beth?”
Beth took a deep breath and held her wrist in her other hand. “I tried to kill myself a couple years ago after my mom died.” she paused, needing a breath after lifting that heavy weight from her chest. “I was doin' fine til I got here and then I kind of just fell apart.”
“What do you mean by fell apart?” Megan asked.
“Everything just feels so weird.” Beth elaborated. “Like it's not what I'm used to. I'm homesick all the time and I feel like I just don't fit in. Everyone's partyin' and hooking up, but that's not me so I didn't make any friends during frosh week. The workload's a lot to handle too. The other night I was sittin' alone in my dorm room, thinkin' about all this stuff and I cut again. I just need some help so it doesn't get bad again.”
“How was your summer, Daryl?” Erin asked when Daryl took his usual seat across from her in her office.
Daryl shrugged. “Alright I guess. Same as usual, just workin' at my uncle's shop every day.”
“How did you handle being around your family again?”
Daryl grunted in response. “Well, my dad had a heart attack and died, so it was nice not havin' to listen to him anymore.” he paused when he realized how terrible that sentence might sound to anyone but himself. “That's wrong a' me to say, ain't it?”
Erin shook her head. “Sounds like a perfectly rational thing to say from what you've told me. Is there anything else you're feeling about his death though?”
Daryl shook his head. There was plenty he was feeling, but he did not possess the words to describe it. He was used to letting his feelings out in a physical manner, or sometimes a self-destructive one, which was what had landed him in here in the first place his freshman year.
“What about your brother?” Erin continued. “How was it seeing him? How did he take your father's passing?”
“Merle's still Merle.” Daryl replied. How could he explain his relationship with his brother? No one would ever understand. Merle could be an asshole, but they were bound to each other by the horrors of their childhood and their need to survive. Erin had described it as co-dependency once, but Daryl had no idea what that meant. He figured he could look it up, but he could never understand any of the Psychology books he'd seen at the campus library. “Drank a lot more when it happened though. Made him an even bigger asshole for a couple weeks, but then he just went right back to normal.”
“And your using habits?” Erin asked. “Did you have any trouble being around Merle and his habits?”
“I was doin' fine, just a few drinks after work and on the weekends and the occasional joint.” Daryl replied. “Til the day we had to clean out the old man's trailer. It was too much. I took a bunch a' pills and what shoulda been a one-day job took almost a week cuz Merle an' I got so fuckin' high we just fought or broke shit til we passed out.”
Erin nodded. “It's hard to deal with that kind of thing when you don't have any emotional supports. The pills were the only way you could have been in that house, weren't they?”
Daryl nodded.
“What about after?”
Daryl shook his head. “Nah. 'm over it.”
Beth left the campus health building feeling worse than she had before she had went in. She hadn't realized just how much everything was weighing on her until she had let it all out to her counselor. She had hoped some of that weight would be lifted at the end of her appointment, but quickly realized it would be a few more sessions until they reached that point. Maybe she could start some of that work on her own though and she resolved to find a nice spot on campus to write in her journal after her next class which she just so happened to be late for.
Beth looked around her, hoping she might be able to find a short cut to the humanities building where her introductory Religious Studies class was, but she wasn't that familiar with the large campus yet. All she saw were science and engineering buildings and all her other classes were on the other side of campus. She gripped the straps of her backpack tightly and broke into a sprint, praying she would make it to class in time. She was quick on her feet, but there was a spot where the pavement was cracked and she tripped, falling hard to the ground and twisting her ankle. She was about to pull herself back up and keep running to class when she noticed a shadow come over her.
“Hold on.” a rough man's voice said. “Might be broken.”
Beth looked up to see the man whom she had shared the sofa with in the waiting room. Daryl, she recalled.
“No,” Beth said. “I've broken it before, riding. It's nothing. I'm late for class.”
Daryl offered her his hand and helped her to her feet, his eyes on her foot.
“See, I can walk.” Beth said, taking a step forward.
“Where's your class?” Daryl asked.
“Price Hall.” Beth replied.
“C'mon.” Daryl said, jerking his head to the side.
Beth followed him the next few steps to where he stopped beside a motorcycle.
“Oh, no, it's fine.” Beth protested. “I can walk, it's fine. Thank you though.”
“You can't make it there by 1:30, get on.” Daryl ordered as he mounted the bike and flipped back the kickstand.
Beth had never been on a motorcycle. He daddy would have had a heart attack at the thought of it, but Daryl had a point, she would never make it to class in time. She swallowed her fear and hopped on the back.
She was so nervous. She didn't have a helmet. What if she fell? Why was there no seat belt? Not even a backrest? Where was she supposed to put her hands? She would have asked Daryl, but he had started up the engine and there was no way he would hear her.
Almost as if he had read her mind Daryl called back over his shoulder, “Hold on!” and took one of her hands in his and wrapped it around his torso.
Beth blushed. She could feel Daryl's rock hard abs under his shirt. She had to press her whole body right up against his back to fit her small arms around him. The wind whipped her hair all around her face and she had to bury her face in between Daryl's shoulder blades to avoid tearing up and ruining her make-up. She had never been this close to a boy.
Within minutes Daryl brought the bike to a stop at the bottom of the Price Hall steps and let Beth off. “Thanks Daryl!” Beth called as she took off to her class still buzzing with the adrenaline of her first motorcycle ride.
Beth slid into a seat in the back row of the lecture hall as quietly as possible and extracted her laptop from her backpack. She turned on the device and opened a new word document, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not focus on what her professor was saying. Her heart was still racing and she knew her cheeks were flushed. The minutes she had spent on Daryl's bike had been exhilarating. It was like it had awoken something inside of her that had been dormant for a long time.
She gave up on trying to take notes and opened her browser to Facebook, eager to find this Daryl Dixon and ask him for another ride. Of course she knew it was crazy. He'd only driven her to be nice, but Beth was incredibly lonely in her new environment and hoped that maybe if she tried hard enough this man would be her friend. She typed his name into the search bar, but nothing came up. Weird.
Beth remembered that he had looked to be a few years older than herself and recalled something her older sister, Maggie had told her about college seniors deleting their social media accounts or changing their names to hide anything embarrassing from potential employers. Maybe that's why she couldn't find him.
Beth used the rest of her time in class to shoot off a couple messages to her friends back home to see how they were doing and messaged Maggie to ask her when she was free. When the professor concluded the lecture Beth packed up her laptop and left the room quickly, hoping to beat the lines in the meal hall.
She was disappointed to see that when she walked through the doors of the meal hall it was already fairly busy. Not that she minded the wait, the real issue was seating. Beth preferred to arrive early so she could take a seat alone instead of awkwardly asking to join groups that were already there. The weather was still exceptionally nice though so Beth decided she would take a salad to go and find a place to eat out on the quad where she could write in her journal. Maybe she might catch another glimpse of Daryl while she was there.
Dear Diary,
Something good finally happened since I came here. I met someone today and he even offered me a ride on his motorcycle. Daddy would have a fit if he knew I'd ridden it, but it was actually fun!
The guy who drove is Daryl Dixon. I met him at my counseling appointment. Well, I saw him there, but I didn't meet him until after. I was running to class and fell. He offered to drive me cuz it was on the other side of campus.
He seems nice, even if he does look a little rough. He's the first person who's been genuinely nice to me since I got here and since he was at counseling too, maybe he understands. I really hope I see him again.