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Skyhold was amazing. An empty castle in the middle of the mountains, unclaimed by anyone. It seemed too good to be true, and yet the advisors and Solas all insisted that the castle was theirs for the taking. It required some renovations of course – what old building doesn’t – but was in good condition considering how long it must have lain abandoned.
Leonora had taken some time to get used to the new conditions. Aside from the new landscape, much had happened in the past few months, not least the destruction of Haven. So many lives had been lost, and Leonora had been distraught that she could not save everyone, though she had tried her best. Vivienne insisted that the help she had given had been excessive anyway, though she secretly smiled every time they had pulled rubble away and found someone still alive. Everyone they had found had recovered, and Leonora comforted herself with the thought that she had done all she could, including sacrifice herself.
Her “resurrection” ensured that rumours of her being the Herald of Andraste would never rest. In fact, she had been declared the leader of the Inquisition because of it. She hadn’t died, of course, but she had been willing to. Had even attempted it in her determination to destroy Corypheus, the creature that had attacked Haven. She had somehow survived the collapse of the mountain, and walked miles through uncharted mountains in her lounging clothes. Though Cassandra told her a group of them had found her passed out at the bottom of a crevasse, the only voice Leonora recalled hearing before she fainted was Cullen’s.
The tension between them was becoming clearer, and Leonora began to suspect that it wasn’t all in her head. When they had first set up at Skyhold, Cullen seemed to be flirting with her. That was unexpected. Cullen had always seemed so unsure how to respond to her whenever she flirted or joked with him, but she had gone over the scene in her mind time and time again and she was sure he knew what he was doing.
Then came their nightly meetings. To save burning through hundreds of candles every week, she and Cullen had arranged to spend their nights working alongside each other in Leonora’s suite. Neither slept much anyway, and this way they could collaborate on tasks and save Inquisition money for more pressing demands. Also it gave Leonora time to read all the new books that people had been sending for her new library. The meetings had been awkward at first, neither being quite at ease with the other, but Leonora had a way of making people feel comfortable, and before long they had become good friends, though it seemed that sometimes she still managed to say exactly the wrong thing. Like last night when she had inadvertently insulted him, though he had reassured her that he wasn’t bothered by it. She still felt horrible though. She wondered if he could even see past the foot that was perpetually lodged in her mouth and realise that she was trying to get to know him. Trying to see if he saw her as Leonora the woman, Leonora the person, or Leonora the mage. He was far more formal outside of their nighttime meetings.
The group would be heading to Crestwood the next day, and Leonora felt that it was time she and Cullen talked, before everything got too much for everyone. She walked the bridge from the main hall to his office and found him thankfully without a party of troops. “I was hoping we could talk. Alone.” She said, the room seeming suddenly smaller. Cullen seemed confused. “Alone? I mean, of course.”
Their walk along the ramparts was silent for some time as Cullen pretended to check the security of the new wall supports. He had done it at least thirty times already. It was obvious he was stalling. This was a disaster. Even when behaving formally, he hadn’t seemed this awkward around her in weeks. Obviously he knew what was coming and wanted no part of it. She should have just kept her mouth shut and gone to Crestwood without mentioning anything.
Eventually the silence was too much for him. “Nice day, isn’t it?” he asked mildly, refusing to make eye contact.
His voice knocked Leonora’s train of thought away. “Huh? What? Yes? What?”
“I said it’s a nice day.”
Leonora’s eyes widened as she struggled for a response to a question she hadn’t expected to be asked. Thankfully Cullen didn’t want the awkwardness to last any longer than she did, and reminded her that she had wanted to say something. Screw it, she thought. If you’re going to confess your feelings for someone you don’t know reciprocates, what better time than just before you leave town for a month? She had gone over the myriad ways that she could bring up the tension between them, but all of them had disappeared when he had spoken. She forged on.
“Cullen, I care for you and… Uh.” She sighed. She had never worked out how to ask him about the rumours she’d heard. He was a man widely known for hating mages, but in all their conversations it didn’t seem to her that he did. But how does one ask someone they’re attracted to if they secretly fear them?
“What’s wrong?” Cullen’s voice softened, a more familiar tone these days.
Reassured, she drew breath. She had to know. “You left the Templars but do you trust mages? Could you think of me as anything more?” The question didn’t hang in the air as long as she had expected.
“I could. I mean, I do. That is to say I do think of you. And what I might say in this situation.“
Oh, Maker it was actually happening. She hadn’t imagined it. She hadn’t screwed it up. Keep calm. Breathe. “…So what’s stopping you?”
He looked shocked.
“You’re the Inquisitor, and we’re at war… I didn’t think it was possible.”
“And yet I’m still here.”
His response was silky and dark. “So you are. It seems too much to ask, but I want to.” As their eyes closed and they leaned in to each other the sound of a door slamming nearby startled them both. Cullen straightened and clenched his jaw as one of his messengers rushed towards them with some papers. Leonora groaned inwardly, the moment between them swiftly killed by the eager young man.
“Sister Leliana’s report, sire,” he said, shoving the papers towards the Commander, who turned and glared at the young man. Leonora had never seen anyone with a scowl that fierce. He almost looked like a lion. The young man pushed the papers forward again: “You said you wanted them right away, ser. Here they are, as you requested. Right away.”
Cullen continued to glare at the messenger while Leonora stared studiously in the other direction, hoping to preserve at least his reputation, if not her own, from the Skyhold rumour mill. A futile attempt. The messenger looked from the Inquisitor to his Commander, then back to the Inquisitor, as the situation suddenly dawned on him. “Ooor I can put them on your desk. Right. Sorry ser”.
Leonora waited for Cullen to begin an apology for behaving unprofessionally and tried to interrupt him before it began but instead his hands grasped her waist so strongly she would have cried out had his lips not already met hers in a kiss so forceful she was pushed against the battlements. Her hands flew outward in shock but in seconds she was kissing him back, her hands now trying to find a non-armoured spot on his body to grip him. His lips were cool from the mountain breeze but his breath was hot and she deepened the kiss in her haste to taste more of him. All of a sudden she felt him pull back. Had another messenger arrived?
“I’m sorry.” Cullen’s voice was almost questioning, “That was… really nice.”
Silly boy. Did he need a written invitation? Her response was clear: “That was what I wanted.”
“Oh… Good.” He flashed a crooked smile, and his gloved hand brushed her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her again.