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The group were leaving at daybreak, a long ride ahead of them before they would reach Crestwood. All mountains too, which meant slow going. Leonora wished they could simply sail across Lake Calenhad, but apparently the winds were the wrong direction at this time of year. Horses it was, and an early start.
A hurried kiss was all they could find the time for, their final reading night taken up instead by last-minute meetings to deal with forgotten problems before the company left. He confronted her on her way to the main hall, dragging a packed saddle-bag behind her.
“A moment of your time?” He asked. He locked eyes with her and smiled.
Her returning smile was sad. “Unfortunately a moment is all I have. If only the world would save itself for a little while.”
“If only. But at least we have this moment.” He cupped a hand behind her head and gently pulled her towards him. She didn’t resist. He had to lean down to kiss her, his plate boots making him taller than she was used to now. She relished the feel of his soft lips against hers, though something was different this time. She realised as she reached up to stroke his cheek that he had shaved recently, his skin softer than usual. She deepened the kiss and he pushed her gently backwards, the wall behind her serving as a wonderful prop to lean against. Her heart was pounding faster as their hands tangled in each other’s hair, grasping at anything, each trying to pull the other closer, deeper.
Maker, why did she have to leave so soon?
Suddenly, Cullen pulled back, his golden eyes dark as he stared at her. She tried to pull him in for another kiss but he held her back. “If I kiss you again, I’m not going to stop. You’re already late.”
She groaned and butted her head against his chest. “I know.” His arms circled behind her gently and he leaned his head against hers. His fingers brushed through her hair and he breathed deeply. She smiled. “You know, you can still have some of that soap. It’s just sitting in a crate in my room.”
Cullen snorted. “As I said, it’s better on you.”
Leonora started. “Actually, that reminds me. I have this for you.” She pushed a heavy iron key into his gloved hand and he stared at it, confused. “It’s to my quarters,” she offered. Cullen turned his stare to her.
“Leonora, I-I’m not sure I’m-“ She cut him off.
“It’s not like that. I have all the library books in my room at the moment. Also a lot of your books, and the box of candles we’ve been using. I thought you might want to be able to get to them.”
Cullen flushed. Of course she wasn’t asking him to move in. The idea was ridiculous and he felt like an idiot for even thinking she might have been about to suggest it. He fingered the key in his hand. It did feel nice to have it though.
She continued. “I know Leliana could have let you in but I figured this way you could get things as you needed them instead of asking her all the time.”
“Leliana has a key to your room?” He wondered when he’d missed that exchange. Surely they hadn’t? He knew that both women were flexible when it came to their attractions, but together? His eyes glazed over for a second.
Leo laughed. “Well she’s going to be spying on us all anyway. At least this way she can save her lockpicks for Inquisition use. In any case, you’ve got the key and I’m late. I’ll leave you with the mental image you’ve so clearly conjured.” She hefted the saddlebag over her shoulder and winked as she kissed him lightly on the cheek.
The door opened and a scout rushed into the hallway. “Inquisitor, your companions are waiting in the stables.” His voice was polite but firm.
She nodded, then turned to Cullen. “I’ll see you in a few weeks, Commander. Do try to play nicely with our Spymaster. She might seem unbending, but she can be quite flexible when she needs to be.”
He licked his lips, smiled a crooked smile, and nodded. “Inquisitor.”
Three weeks in Crestwood had been enough for a lifetime. She was sure the countryside would have been lovely any other time but unfortunately when she had arrived it had been overrun by undead and demons, pouring with rain, and with both a wyvern and a dragon threatening the local villagers. The group had managed to deal with all of the threats and had also managed to take a keep for the Inquisition, but the work had been hard and unforgiving.
Hawke’s friend Stroud had revealed that Corypheus was making every single Warden hear the Calling at the same time. She worried for Blackwall. He insisted he wasn’t afraid, but he seemed to be hiding something and she suspected the strain of blocking out an archdemon’s song was getting to him.
In any case, what she really wanted was to have a long, hot bath, then lie down in her own bed. A camp roll was never exactly comfortable, and even the protection of Caer Bronoch had done little to allay the misery of a month of travel. The ride home had taken less time than the ride there, thank the Maker, but even so, she had pushed the company to ride through the night for the last leg of the journey. She knew the others were craving a proper bed as much as she was, and they didn’t mind. They arrived at Skyhold in the dead of night and as soon as the horses had been handed over to the ostlers she made her way to Cullen’s office. He had her key to her quarters, and she knew he’d still be awake. It wouldn’t bother him if she stopped in, even if she did smell like a horse that had rolled in dung for a week.
She tried one of the side doors to his office but it was locked. Her knocking brought no response, and she shrugged. Probably off on a midnight walk. He did that from time to time to calibrate the siege machinery, or to check on the watchmen. He liked the night air. Oh well. She had little chance of finding him now. He could be anywhere. Her best bet was to get Leliana’s spare key and give it back in the morning. Leliana never seemed to sleep.
As expected, Leliana was wide awake and writing notes for her scouts when Leo trudged up the stairs to her loft. The Spymaster laughed. The Inquisitor’s red hair was black with mud, her coat had burns up the right side all the way to her waist, and her left sleeve was ripped up past the elbow. She was walking with the gait of someone who had been stuck on a horse for days on end, probably because she had been stuck on a horse for days on end.
“Inquisitor, you look terrible!”
Leo pulled a face. “Thanks Leliana. I love you too.”
“Oh shush. You know what I mean.” The spymaster’s face was kind as she pulled up a seat for Leo to fall down onto.
“Actually, I wasn’t going to stay long. I really need a bath and some sleep but Cullen’s off somewhere with the key to my quarters.” Leliana didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Leo had known she wouldn’t. Her and Cullen’s first kiss on the battlements had hardly been secret, though both had thought it would be best to keep their public relationship as professional as they could.
“Of course, Leonora. You can bring it back to me in the morning.” Leliana seemed to dance as she moved over to her lockbox on the other side of the loft. One of the perks of bard training, Leonora assumed. She found the key and tossed it across to Leonora.
She managed to catch it – due more to Leliana’s good throw than to her own catching skill – saluted the spymaster, and hurtled down the stairs. “Will do, Lel. Good night.”
“Good night Leonora,” came the singsong reply down the stairs.
Leo made her way as quietly as she could to her room, nodding to Solas as she passed through his studio. The elf was still awake, painting. Did anyone in the castle ever sleep? By the time she got to the door of her quarters she could be slightly louder, the only rooms near her own being Josie’s office and the war room. Neither would be occupied at this time. The moonlight through the balcony doors was enough to light her way and she slumped up the stairs and threw her saddlebag on the floor, groaning about the mess of books Cullen had left on the bed but grateful to whoever had set up the bath that was sitting in front of the fireplace. The cauldron on the fire had been kept simmering and as she added it to the cool water in the bath with the soap that was on the floor nearby, she swirled her hand to release the heat and the scent of magnolias. Heaven.
She pulled off her boots, noting the hole in the toe of one of them, and tossed them onto the floor, making a mental note to ask Josie for Fereldan boots this time instead of Orlesian ones. Maybe they would hold up better. Her coat and shirt she tossed onto the floor next to her boots. Both were possibly salvageable, though she couldn’t be bothered thinking about it at the moment. Pants next. They had somehow managed to escape the dragonfire that had wrecked her coat, but they smelled like horse sweat and burnt leather. She collected the pile of clothing and draped everything across the balcony to air out. At least this way the room wouldn’t smell. Her small clothes and the leather tie in her hair all got tossed down the stairs to be dealt with in the morning. At long last she could sink into hot oblivion.
The water up to her neck, Leonora drifted off in a reverie of senses. She was home, and she could relax - for a while, anyway. The fruity scent that both she and Cullen enjoyed so much wafted up around her, finally drowning out the smell of a month of dirt. She ducked her head and let the water soak into her hair, mud staining the water brown as it washed out of her normally-red locks. She foamed the soap in her hands and ran fingers through her hair, pressing into her scalp and massaging away the tension and the mud at the same time. Another duck of the head to rinse her hair off and she lay back, letting the heat soak into her skin and melt away the pain in her hips and back and legs. She closed her eyes and listened to the silence of the castle at night.
Only, it wasn’t silent.
Leonora suddenly realised she could hear something.
Breathing.
Someone was in her room, watching her.
A flame blazed from the palm of her hand as she cast about to see who would dare to invade her quarters like this. The bright light from the flame illuminated her room far better than the moon had earlier and she realised her bed wasn’t covered with books. It was covered with Cullen. Her eyes widened. Hadn’t he panicked when he’d thought she was asking him to stay in her quarters? Why would he be here now?
She snuffed the flame in her hand and grabbed a towel that was sitting on a nearby chair. She wrapped it around her body and ducked into the closet behind her bed, fumbling as she looked for her single pair of pyjamas and tried to pull them on in the dark.
Tiptoeing back into the room, she looked at the man on the bed. He wasn’t in his armour, so he must have arrived after the day had ended. His boots were still on, she noticed, the mud dried onto the quilt at the end of the bed where his feet brushed against the wood. Well, at least she could get her key back straight away, she grinned to herself.
She stole back into the closet for the spare blanket, slid lightly onto the bed and tossed it over them both. She’d find out what had happened in the morning. Right now she needed sleep. The fade enveloped her almost before her head hit the pillow.
Leo woke with a start. The bed was shaking. The builders had mentioned that Skyhold could be unstable. Had something collapsed? She jumped out of bed quickly, then sank back down as she realised she had been feeling Cullen moving alongside her. His eyes were clenched shut and he shook his head, raising his arms to his face as though blocking a blow. The blanket had twisted around him in the night and she tugged it away as she leaned over him.
What were you supposed to do with nightmares? She couldn’t remember whether it was better to wake them or if waking them was dangerous. She settled on putting her hand on his chest and calling to him.
“Cullen?” Her voice was soft. Too soft. He would have barely heard it if he’d been awake.
“Cullen?” Louder this time. Still not loud enough though.
“Cullen!” She nudged his chest now, determined to stop his panic. Her voice was loud and insistent. Enough to get his attention.
His eyes shot open and he jumped, the sudden shock making Leonora jump with him. They both stared at each other.
“Maker, I’m so sorry!” He threw himself off the bed and into the centre of the room.
Leo was confused. “What for? Having a bad dream?”
He groaned into his hands as he rubbed his face. “I should not have come here. This is incredibly unprofessional and I am so, so sorry.”
“What? Cullen, I gave you my key. You’re welcome here any time.” She sat on the bed and stared at him. This seemed like a leap backwards.
He refused to look at her. “You gave me your key so I could get to the books. I should not have stayed the night without your permission, especially when you’re not even here. I-It was an accident. I came to ensure the room was set up for your arrival and became distracted by the books in the corner. I sat down while I was cataloguing them and I must have fallen asleep unintentionally.”
“Oh.” She looked at him sadly. He hadn’t intended to stay with her at all. It was all a mistake. The silence stretched for a few moments.
He suddenly caught sight of the murky bathtub. “Did- Did you arrive last night?” He massaged his neck as he looked from the tub to the clothes on the balcony.
“Early this morning. I-I didn’t realise you were here until I had already bathed. I decided to let you sleep so I could too.”
“You slept alongside me?”
Leo blanched. She had only slept. She had been exhausted and not thinking. It was entirely innocent, but she suddenly felt as though she had wronged him. As though she had taken advantage of his vulnerability to push on him an intimacy he wasn’t ready for. She looked at the floor and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Cullen’s body tightened as she said the words. Why was she acting as though she had done something wrong? He was the one who had come to her quarters at night when she wasn’t there. He was the one who had fallen asleep in her bed without permission. He’d killed any chance she’d had for peace or comfort and probably made her feel as though even her own quarters weren’t safe. He ducked his head as he tried to look into her eyes, but she wouldn’t look at him. He felt sick. “Maker, Inquisitor, you have nothing to be sorry for. You have done nothing wrong. I’m the one who–“ Once again, Leonora interrupted him.
“Cullen I was glad you were here. I missed you. I looked for you when I first got here but I couldn’t find you and when I found you here, in my bed even, I was excited. I slept next to you – I swear that’s all I did – but I should have woken you up and made sure you were okay with that before I did it. I’m sorry. If you… want to leave… I understand.”
Once again her words had stopped him dead. She wanted him there with her. She wanted him. There. With her. When she was exhausted and sore and wanting peace and comfort, she wanted him there with her.
He crossed the room to her in three strides and wrapped his arms around her. She tensed for a moment, then melted into his arms.
“Oh, Leo. I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was gentle.
“Good.” Came her soft reply.