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"It’s pouring rain outside Marls", Dorcas says with one of those smiles that would make people take deep breaths because of how stunning she looked. "Do you want to wait here or just face the scary water that comes from the sky?”
Of course she would mock Marlene for not liking the rain. Dorcas and her undying love for everything that did not came from the hands of people and could be found in the middle of the jungle. Rocks, plants, those ugly little insects that she saw some kind of beauty in it. Not Marlene though; she was definitely more into things that would not sting you in the feet or ruin your perfect eyeliner.
"Ugh, I'm not afraid of it, alright? However, having wet socks makes me want to scream at strangers. They make me a bad person. Also my hair looks way too good to ruin it." It was true, her hair looked fantastic: the perfect wolf cut that looked even brighter on contrast with her leather jacket.
"Fine. We'll have to wait then because my favourite narcissist can’t have her hair wet." she said while sitting in the wooden bench again that was in front of the restaurant, but at this point they were completely alone. Marlene ignored the butterflies she felt when she heard favourite.
The restaurant (an old place that made Brazilian food, Marlene's favourite place ever that she found when she was taking a walk to smoke while skipping math class) was closed by now. The girls just loved it excessively much: the soft mpb that played on the back, the smell of the seasoning that gave the place an inexplicable warmth, the tables filled with families that talked way too much and laughed way too loud. It was kind of like home: to Marlene, the place with the sounds and looks of her country; and for Dorcas, the abundance of family love, like her dinner table with six occupied chairs and kids running in every direction.
They couldn't get enough of it. Even when all of the others went to a pizza place, it did not feel the same. But it was never quite the same between them, was it? No, it was different. Something about the way Dorcas understood Marlene in a way no one else did, like when she just gave her a look and that was all it took: words going around in complete silence, little smiles shared in the in between of moments when no one was looking.
“Do you think we´ll all still be friends after? School, I mean” Dorcas asked. Marlene was about to make a stupid joke like “who said I´m friends with these crazy people”, but Dorcas question sounded so genuine, it was hard not to answer it properly.
“Of course Cass. We´ve been friends since we were what, eight, nine? There´s no way we won’t be friends after. No way at all.”
“Its just… I´m scared of growing up, I guess. Like when school is over and we all have to make a living and stuff. I don’t know the answers yet.” She looked so concerned, eyebrows frowned and eyes searching for something in Marlene’s face.
Seeing Dorcas like that felt… unnatural. She was always the one that was positive, the calm on the storm with that soothing voice of hers and saying the right words when people need it the most, a comfortable shoulder for tired souls.
While Marlene emotions were always written in her face all the time, Dorcas was harder to decipher. She didn’t see the world in black and white, but understood every nuance of it, every shade of grey. Marlene thought that that Dorcas had a kind of an ancient soul, somehow, like she knew more about life than most of eighteen years olds did.
So selfish of me, she realized, to think that Dorcas never felt scared like me. Or sad, or confused, like she’s always the one that had to comfort people.
“You don’t need too. We´re not actually running out of time, you know? I bet it won’t even be that different anyways. We´ll share an apartment just like we share our dorm now, we can find somewhere near so we can still eat here at Bela´s every Friday. We´ll also have to be close to Sirius because even though he´ll probably share an apartment with Remus, he still is a danger to society and needs advice for everything. He and James have this weird twin like bond and no way they´ll live too far from each other, and Lily and James are probably getting married and having a bunch of babies with amazing hair. Can you imagine it? They are so the type of couple that get married at twenty-one and start having kids before learning how to properly smoke. See, Cass? It´s all going to end up the same, we´ll just be more independent”
“What about Mary? Will she live near too?”
“Oh yes, of course. She´ll open a fashion store or a hair salon or something, and Pete will be the manager, obviously, because he’s the only one that knows math.” She said it and they both laughed, because it was true. How was he the one that was good at maths anyways?
“Yeah, that sounds like a good life. We could adopt a cat too”
God, Marlene hated cats.
“Of course, a bunch of them. Anything you want.” Anything for you, Cass.
“I´ve realized we spent more time living together than apart. How cool is that? I don’t even know how it would be like to not share a room with you and your clothes spread all around the floor,” Dorcas teased.
“Well I think my clothes make the floors way more fun to look at, not like your incenses that have that strong strawberry scent.” She teases back.
Dorcas gasped loudly, putting a hand on her heart dramatically, “you love the incenses, you liar!”
Only because they remind me of you.
“Fine, fine, I´ll admit it, you´re a very good roommate.”
“Thank you for your honesty madam”
“It is my honour, miss.”
They were quiet for a second, both thinking about their lives after the boarding school. Yes it would be different, without all the rules and Director McGonagall waking them up at 7am and the terrible breakfast, but they would be together, that was a fact, so it couldn’t be that bad.
Marlene started thinking about it, living with Cass. They´ve been sharing a room since they were eight, how different could sharing an apartment be? Not much, she would just have more floor space to toss her clothes on and Dorcas could finally have her vicious cat. The house would be filled with her plants, Marls guitars and bass on the corners of the walls, pictures everywhere and music on every minute of the day.
Growing up didn’t sound as scary as it did before, but that was just the effect of Dorcas Meadows for you: making the hard sound easy, the sour taste sweet, the night-
“The sun´s kid.” Dorcas said suddenly while looking at the moon, blurred by the violent rain that was pouring that night. Is it night already? Time went by so fast, Marlene thought.
“What?”. She looks so beautiful under the moonlight. Did she say anything before that? God Marlene, focus.
“When I was a kid, I thought that the moon was the sun’s kid and if it was up during the day, that was the moon throwing a temper tantrum and refusing to go to bed" Dorcas said with a smile on her face and then they burst in to laugh together.
“God I love children sometimes”, Marlene started, “there´s something so pure about seeing the world like that. When my older brother was learning about space, he told me the sun is a star and that stars explode. My seven-year-old self just imagined starts exploding into a glitter rain. I thought the sun was all of the stars, and that during the day they would come together to be the sun and at night they would explode and separate into millions of tiny glitter stars.” And they started laughing again. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with your favourite person in the world while everything was falling apart in cold rain, the moon as the only witness of their stupid childhood thoughts, their laugh followed by that comfort silence that only Dorcas and Marlene had. Dorcas and Marlene. Dorcas Dorcas Dorcas Dorcas.
“Yeah, there´s something about it. Sometimes I wish we could have stayed like that forever, looking at stars and seeing glitter. It all looks so much more complex now, doesn’t it? We are soon to be adults. Sounds unbelievable” she said it with a chuckle “being an actual adult. I have that weird feeling that I am still thirteen and looking at those teenagers that looked so much older, wiser, and thinking they were so cool. Do you think they felt like we do now? Wondering who the fuck they are and feeling completely lost?”
I know who you are. You´re Dorcas, my brave, kind, beautiful, big hearted Dorcas. And you’re not lost, I’m right here with you.
“Yes, I do” Marlene answered instead “I think everyone feels like this. Or felt like it at some piont, at least. It´s part of growing up, I guess, trying to leave that kid behind. But I think that that’s when people make their biggest mistake, you know? They just abandon that part of them like it never existed and that is when they feel completely lost, because we need it. The little girl that thought the moon was the sun´s son still exists in you, somewhere. She is the one that doesn’t kill the bugs in our dorm, but takes them out with a piece of paper. And she’s the one that likes to go out in the rain even if it makes your socks wet. You can´t make her disappear, alright? Promise me that little seven year old Dorcas will always exist in you?”
She didn’t mean to get all emotional on her, but there was something about hearing her best friend say she felt lost and scared that made Marlene feel over protective. It was one thing for herself to think that, but Dorcas? No, she was too good, too kind, too much of a good person to not know that. How couldn’t she? Know how amazing she was, how essential. You existing is the best thing Mother Nature has ever done to me, Dorcas, Marlene thought.
“I promise Marls. Only if you do too, because eight year old Marley was a total badass. You used to wear those red rain boots every day, remember that? Could be the hottest day of the year and you’d still be wearing those damn boots,” she said it with a smile “and God, that haircut? Totally visionary.”
“Ugh, don’t mention the hair cut. I was trying to explore my artistic side all right? The lack of symmetry wasn’t the original plan but it did give me a very post apocalyptical look.”
“Oh I thought it was very… French” said Dorcas with a very straight face and then they were both laughing again until their bellies hurt. But Marlene couldn’t focus on anything else, the rain, the people talking loudly on the streets, the cars going by in the traffic, it all disappeared when Dorcas let out one of those glorious laughs of her, that sound that tasted like spilling gold. How did I end up so lucky?
“I loved those boots.” Dorcas said while wiping out the tears of the corner of her eyes.
And I love you. I love you I love you I love you.
“Yeah, me too. I think Sirius stole them for me on sixth grade, the jealous little prat. Can you believe it? His rich ass borrowed my red rain boots and never gave them back.”
“Oh no, what a tragedy” she responded with a loud fake gasp.
“A true crime indeed. I´ll have to steal his favourite doc martens to make it up for it.”
“Justice will be finally made.”
“And the world will finally know peace again.” They were both grinning now, looking at each other and that unexplainable love filling their silence. If felt so, so good. Too good.
“I remember you too, you know? The first day of class and you with that yellow dress. You had your hair in those tiny little braids with the colourful hair ties and you couldn’t stop smiling. I was miserable, waking up that early in the morning, not knowing anyone, absolutely hating math class. But not you, no, you looked indestructible. Like nothing could bring you and your little colourful braids down. God, I remember envying you so much.” Marlene admitted.
“Envied me? Why?” Dorcas sounded genuinely confused.
“Because you were like sunshine, making friends so easily while I spent all lunches alone. You were always happy and smiling and I don´t know, it was like everyone was drawn to you while I just made everyone go away”.
Dorcas was quiet for a few seconds, the rain in the background not as violent as it was before. “I can´t believe this. I didn’t talk to you because I thought you hated me, and honestly looked way too cool for me”, they chuckled, mostly because they both knew that that was a complete lie, “but you made friends too. I remember watching you and Sirius together all the time”,
“Oh yeah sure, only when he and the other dumb asses Marauders weren’t pulling pranks on me. They were the most annoying eight year olds I’ve ever met, I swear to god. James being smug since an early age, Peter never getting caught for anything, Remus and his anger issues, Sirius not knowing how to shut up, ever. “
“Oh my God, the pranks!” Dorcas said while throwing her head back “they were so sneaky with those. How did you manage to stop them from doing it on you?”
“I buried all of their clothes and said that I would only tell them where if they promised to never prank me again.” She told her with a smile. She was still very proud of eight year old Marley for that, thank you very much.
Dorcas let out a shocking gasp, “Marlene Mckinnon, you clever girl.”
“I did what I had to do. Historians say that that was the origin of feminism”.
“Oh indeed, our first feminist icon” Dorcas agreed. After a few seconds, she added with a frown face “I don’t really remember them pulling any pranks on me either, actually, just Lily and Mary.”
“The map.”
“The what?”
“I made a map with the actual spots for them to find the clothes, you know, because I buried them all over the place. The price for the map was you; they had to promise to never pull any pranks on you too.” She had never told that to anyone, at first because the other girls were going to be upset for not being included in the deal, and later because no one ever mentioned it, so she wouldn’t either.
“You did that? Really” after Marlene nodded silently in agreement, Dorcas added “why? We weren’t even friends back then.”
“You just looked so happy, it didn’t seem fair. And you were so easy to love. You still are.” She answered it honestly.
There wasn’t an actual reason why eight year old marls did that, except for the fact that she just really liked the little girl in the yellow dress´ smile. That part of her never changed, and never would. Kid Marlene knew very little about life, but she understood that Dorcas was, without a doubt, a good soul.
“You are an easy person to love too, Marley.” Dorcas said it while looking at her with those ravishing brown eyes.
But she wasn’t, not really.
She was strong, that’s was fact. Metal build an thick walls all around, protected by layers and layers of these different versions of Marlene until the true one was buried so deep she couldn’t even find it herself, most of the time.
“Come on Cass, you know that’s not true. “
“It is”, she sounded almost offended with Marlene’s words, “it is true. Marley, you are as loveable as is possible to be.”
Looking at her, something shifted. Sitting there in that little wooden bench, she felt as she was drowning in it; love. As if it belonged more in her lungs then air itself. And standing so close of her, Marlene realized that sharing everything with Dorcas wasn't enough. She needed more; she needed to touch her and oh my god, she needed to kiss her so, so bad.
She moved closer, her hand on Dorcas waist, skin against skin and just pure sun in the middle of their night. Because it was theirs, it couldn't be anyone else's, not when Dorcas looked at her like that, with those caramel eyes that showed every ounce of love she ever felt and more, so much more. She put a hand on Dorcas face, right were her jaw met her neck, their breath mixing hot and anxious.
A tender touch and a soft stroke on her beautiful, beautiful face, and Marlene was both lost and found, but it hardly mattered. She was there, her Dorcas with her hand on Marlene´s hair, gently bringing her closer. I love you I love you I love you I love you.
And when their lips touched, Marlene found out that love is truly a masterpiece of a tragedy. It was a tyrant, stealing everything on sight and she was giving in, every little part of herself and all of her metal walls stumbling down. For a few seconds, their night was finally eternal. Looking at each other, hands on hips and love all around, the starts became glitter again.
The rain had stopped pouring, and Marlene was finally, finally home.
Three Years later
Marlene was struggling to put those damn keys in the door while holding the groceries in both arms. She was back from Sirius apartment down the street and decided to stop on the market after Lily called her, because apparently baby Harry needed more milk and she wanted some company since James was out. Marls had a hard time going shopping (even for food) because there was always something she thought her and Dorcas needed, not to count that she just absolutely loved spoiling Harry.
When she finally got the keys right and entered the flat, trying not to hit any of the plants along the way, Dorcas and Tom (one of their five cats) were waiting right in front of the door.
“You do know that my birthday is in September, right? I mean I won´t refuse a surprise birthday party, but still…” Marlene said jokingly, but it was weird. Why was Dorcas looking like that?
“Not a surprise party, but definitively a gift.” Cass responded, tears in her eyes and smile brighter than ever.
It took Marlene a few moments to understand it, and even more until it finally sinked in; had it worked? After all the time hoping and all those tries?
Oh my God, had it?
“Wait, you´re saying what I think you´re saying?” Marlene finally managed to say, stepping closer to the love of her life, looking her in the eyes and feeling that unexplainable wave of earth shattering love.
Dorcas shook her head in agreement, placing something in the living room table.
Red rain boots. Baby sized.