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I was in my class when I got a message from my best friend telling me that he needs my help in the kitchen.
It’s not something new that Felix wants my help, but it’s a bit concerning the fact that he wants to cook, because that can end up either with one of us getting injured or the house burned down. Regardless that thought, as always I said that I will help him after I leave from university.
When I arrived at his house I entered using my spare key, not bothered to announce my presence since I knew his mother and older sister were at work and his little sister is usually out with her friends at this hour, so he must be alone. I left my shoes in the hall and went straight to the kitchen. What was waiting for me there left me with my mouth wide open, a complete disaster. There was flour spread all over the floor, a mountain of dishes was coming out of the sink, the counter and the table were full of ingredients and something that looked like burned brownies. But most importantly, my friend, Felix, was in the middle of everything and the cause of it.
“Yah! I told you I will help you, so why did you start without me?? Look at this kitchen Felix, your mother is going to kill you!”
“In my defense, I thought baking some brownies would be easier, but unfortunately I was wrong. You’re gonna help me clean this mess and cook like you promised, right?” He was looking at me with his best puppy eyes, but I won’t get caught in his trap. At least not this time.
“I will help you, with one condition.”
“Sure, go on.”
“You’ll let me throw you a birthday party this year!” I said grinning at my friend’s already sour look.
“Anything but not this one.” He said it with a serious look and in his deep voice that always makes me shiver.
“Buuut.. Felix, I want you to have a party... It’s your 20th birthday, pleeease!” I was whining like a little kid that didn’t get his favourite candy.
“Why is it so important to celebrate? You know I don’t like parties. So choose something else.”
I knew he didn’t like parties, but that was just because they reminded him of his father, who threw him an amazing birthday party 5 years ago just to announce that he’s leaving his family right in the middle of it, the reason being that he fell in love with someone else. It was a birthday and goodbye party at the same time. From that day onwards Felix hated parties. He only comes to my birthday party and to our other 7 friends. He turns down all the invitations in campus. I tried to change his mind but he would firmly refuse to go every time. But today was going to be different, I will convince him to accept having a birthday party this year.
“Felix, don’t you think is time to forget the past and live the present? I know it was hard for you, I was there when it happened, and I know the pain you went through after that. I will always be here for you, I only want you to be happy and forget about it, because now nothing bad can happen at your party anymore, you know that, right?“ I was talking calmly, trying to convince him through my eyes that I’m right. Felix knew that what I was saying was nothing but the truth, but the idea of having a birthday party after so many years was still on debate. I could see how much he was thinking about what I said and what decision he should make from the way he was frowning his eyebrows, and when I decided speak again he beat me to it first.
“Y/N, I know your intentions are good and all but... I don’t know what to say.”
“You just have to say “Yes” and I will do the rest. You don’t have to worry because I will make you the most amazing party ever, I promise!” I saw he was still hesitating to answer, so I asked him: “Don’t you trust me?” His response to this was almost instant.
“Of course I do.”
“Then say yes!”
“Fine! Yes...”
“Yayyy!! I promise I will do my best! Love you Yong-bok!”
“You only love me when I say yes...” He looks at me playfully this time and I start laughing.
“I know you love me too even if you don’t say it back!” I say happily hoping to lift up his mood.
“Yeah, I do.” He said while having an expression that I couldn’t really read on his face... His look was so full of... affection, and something more that I couldn’t catch since he changed his expression into an waiting smile. That snapped me out of my thoughts, realising he was waiting for my help with cleaning and cooking.
“So, do you know how to make brownies?”
“Yes, but you didn’t tell me why you need them so urgently?”
“Oh yeah, Chan hyung told me his grandparents are visiting from Australia tomorrow, and I promised to make them some brownies as an welcome gift.”
“Aww that’s very kind of you, but why would you promise something you can’t do?” I raised an eyebrow at him playfully.
“I don’t have money to buy a present and the ingredients were already brought by my mother, so I can use them for free. You know I’m a broke student just like you.”
“Fair enough. Let’s start cleaning first.”
He got in the military position of salute and shouted “Yes, ma’am!” I chuckled at his cuteness.
We start to clean the kitchen together and discuss about our classes today and the homework we have to finish for the next week. We’re done with all the work in about half an hour, afterwards we start working on the brownies. By the time we finished baking them, the kitchen was dirty again, but not as bad as the first time.
Felix was looking at me while biting his lip, a habit of his, then got closer to me with a napkin and started tapping my nose to clean it. I could feel my heart beating faster than it should because of the close proximity between us.
“You got some flour on your face.” He whispered.
I couldn’t make my brain send any words to my mouth. I was lost staring at his face; he was wearing blue contact lenses that matched perfectly with his blond fluffy hair. Having him this close allowed me to give a better look at his freckles. They make him look so adorable and that’s always killing me. I felt that I couldn’t breathe properly anymore, so I took the napkin from his hand and started cleaning myself, not before taking a step back to put some distance between us, hoping this would calm my racing heart.
When I looked back at Felix, he was cleaning the counter with an expressionless face. I didn’t say anything and started washing the dishes, both of us doing their own task quietly.
After the brownies were done, his mother and sisters came home too. His mother asked me to stay for dinner and I gladly accepted, because I love her cooking. During the dinner Felix was quieter than he normally is, but I brushed off the thought of asking him what happened because I assumed it must be about the party.
After dinner he drove me home and invited me for lunch tomorrow with the rest of our friends.
We went for lunch at our regular restaurant where we ordered our usual.
“So guys, I finally convinced Felix to let me do his birthday party this year and I need your help.” All the boys looked at me like I grew another head and I knew it was because they couldn’t believe me.
“You really did?” Seungmin asked after he recovered from the shock.
“Yeah, well after 5 years of putting pressure on him, he finally accepted.” I rolled my eyes dramatically.
“You’re amazing, Y/N!” Jisung and Hyunjin said in unison very excited.
“I know, I’m the best.” I said trying to look cool but failed when I started laughing.
“Ok. So we need to make a meeting without Felix to discuss the details later.” Came from Minho.
“You should probably stop talking because I’m right here guys, and it’s my party.” My heart melted when I saw Felix’s cute pouting face.
“You’re right, let’s meet this Sunday to make the plans at my house, ok?” Changbin suggested, to which we all agreed and continued eating our food.
The Sunday came fast and we all agreed to throw the party at Changbin’s place since his house is big enough and his parents told us they would leave to some friends so we can have all the house for ourselves.
Felix’s birthday would be on next Friday, so we still got plenty of time to prepare everything, from buying the decorations to inviting all his friends. We bought plenty of food and alcohol and Chan agreed to be the DJ.
The big day was already here. I decided to wear a grey plaid skirt, a black blouse that exposed my shoulders and clavicles, long earring and finished the outfit with a pair of black heeled boots. As for the make-up, I decided to go with a light natural look and put my hair in a bun.
The party looked exactly how we imagined it to be. Everyone arrived before Felix, and went he came in we all shouted a loud “Happy Birthday, Felix!”
Everyone went to hug and say their congrats to Felix, only I stood frozen on the spot, because at the moment my eyes landed on Felix I swear I forgot about anything else. He always takes my breath away with his looks.
It’s been awhile since I started to think I might develop a one sided crush for my best friend. But now I’m starting to believe it’s something more than just a crush. I don’t know how this happened, but I think I felt in love with Felix. I’d wanna confess to him, but there are two things stopping me – I fear he probably doesn’t feel the same for me, but most importantly, I’m afraid I’ll lose him as a friend. I couldn’t live knowing I lost his friendship. He’s my sunshine, the person I spend most of my time with, he’s the one who truly understands me and knows everything about me. He’s the only one that’s able to make me comfortable enough to show my true self without fearing rejection because he likes me the way I am.. But the problem is that he likes me just as his best friend, nothing more. While here I am, in love with him. I tried to overcome it, push my feelings aside and hoping they’ll fade away, hoping it’s just a crush and nothing more, but being together with him all the time didn’t made this an easy task, it just made me fall even more for him.
Right now Felix was wearing a black leather jacket that he paired with black leather trousers, a white t-shirt. His hair was now a light purple and styled up, exposing his forehead. He looked alsolutely stunning.
He caught me starring at him and that made me blush instantly. He was trying to make eye contact with me, but I was trying to avoid his gaze.
He started coming my way.
“Hi.” He was looking at me with an intense look that made me feel like he could read my mind and and know exactly what I was thinking about.
“Hi. Happy birthday, Felix!” I tried to sound and look as much as possible unaffected by his presence, especially since he was closer than usual.
“What? No hug for me?” he said with a little pouting and I never wanted anything more than to squeeze his cheeks, which I didn’t, instead just giving him a warm hug. He was smelling like lavender, a perfume I gave him on his last birthday. The thought of him wearing this made me smile.
“Thanks for the party, Y/N.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Let’s go and have fun, ok?”
“Sure.”
I dragged him to our group of friends and we all started to dance. After a few songs we decided to get some drinks. I suggest Felix that he should have fun and get wasted, offert that he turns down, saying he doesn’t wanna do something he might regret tomorrow.
After a few other songs, Bang Chan played some slow ones. He told me to go have a dance with Felix, saying this is a good chance to try and confess my feelings for him. I told him that I’m not ready and left to get another drink. Bang Chan is the only one that knows about my feelings for Felix, and he promised he won’t tell anyone, but he always tells me that it would be better to tell Felix the truth. He says Felix won’t end our friendship even if he wouldn’t feel the same way for me, so I shoudn’t worry about this; unfortunately I’m too much of a scaredy cat to take initiative.
I feel a tap on my shoulder so I turn away from the bar to face the person. Surprise, surprise, it’s none other than Felix.
“Y/N, do you wanna dance with me?”
“Y-yes.” He caught me off-guard with his question, I didn’t think he would want to dance with me during a slow song.
“Why did you ask me and not another girl you know? Maybe you can make a girlfriend.” I ask as we are making our way to the dance floor. Even if I don’t wanna see him together with someone else, I think having a girlfriend might make him happy, not to mention that I heard the guys telling him he should find a girlfriend, or at least a girl to have fun with, especially today.
He didn’t answer my question, so I assumed he might’ve not heard me because of the loud music.
When we got to the dance ring he put his hands on my waist and pushed me closer to him. I awkwardly put my hands on his shoulders and he started to speak.
“I don’t want to dance with another girls.” He said in his low deep voice, sending shivers down my spine.
“W-why?” I shutter the second time already. My heart started beating so fast that I think he might feel it too, considering how small the space between us is right now.
“I have something important to tell you. After the party I want to talk privately with you.”
“Okay.”
Perfect! Now my mind wild go crazy until the end of the party. What does he want to talk about? He said it’s important, so why wait until the party is over?
He’s biting his lips again and I want nothings else but to kiss him right now. I would need to lean only a bit to finally feel his soft lips on mine.
Why am I even thinking about this when we’re only friends! This is just a simple dance and what he wants to tell me later must be just a simple thanks for organising his party, it’s probably nothing more.. I should stop thinking about both his lips and about what he wants to tell me.
I was once again lost in my troughs until I hear him chuckle.
“My eyes are a little bit higher, you know?”
I avert my gaze from him to look at the people behind him, I can’t look at his face anymore after he just caught me starring at his lips.... This is so embarrassing. And why is this song so damn long! Chan surely enjoys to see me struggle.
He just laughed at my reaction and after a few seconds the song finally came to an end. As soon as it ended I excused myself lying that I need to use the bathroom, so I won’t do something embarrassing in front of him again.
After that dance I didn’t have another encounter with Felix, and I was glad, because I don’t think my heart could bear more of him right now without going in cardiac arrest.
The party came to an end and I hoped that maybe Felix forgot that he wanted to talk, but of course that wasn’t the case. He was coming my way looking a little bit nervous and biting his lip.
“Can you come upstairs in the guest room to talk?”
“Sure.” I reply equally as nervous as him. I let him lead the way, and while we were passing through Chan I saw him sending me a wink then mouthing a “good luck”. But why?
After we enter the room, he’s standing right in front of me and locks his eyes with mine. He takes a deep breath before he speaks.
“Y/N. I wanted to tell you this for a long time already but never had the courage to do it...” he then licks his lips and I follow the action with my eyes.
Wait.. Is he about to say what I think? Is he maybe trying to confess? Are his feelings towards me the same? Maybe I shoudn’t jump to conclusions and get my hopes up just to be hurt even more in the end, I should let him talk and see what this is about.
“Y/N? Are you listening to me?” He looks a little amused now at my face. “Because you spaced out a little.”
“Oh. Yeah, sorry. Please continue.” I manage to say a little flustered now.
“Actually, what I have to tell you is a confession.... Y/N I liked you for a long time and I thought maybe I could get over you, so I won’t risk losing you as a friend, but as time passed by I just fell more for you and I want you to know that I love you. I did for some time now, but I was too scared to tell you. I understand if you don’t feel the same and want to get some space after what I told you to clear your mind, but please don’t push me away as your friend, because our friendship is very important to me. You are important to me, and I don’t see my life without you being part of it, but I really needed to tell you how I truly feel even with this risk.” He’s looking at me waiting for a reaction but when I try to speak I can’t let any word leave my mouth due to my shook.
Did I heard him right? Did he really said that he loves me?
When I see him looking at me with so much affection and nervously waiting for me to say something in return, I decide that words are not enough. So I get on my tip toes, put my hands at the back of his neck and brig him into a kiss. Our first kiss. His lips are so soft and I already feel addicted to them. At first he didn’t responded to my sudden action, but after a moment I feelt his lips moving against mine gently. After bit he reaches to hold my jawline whit one hand and puts the other one on my waist to bring me as close as possible and deepens the kiss. I hope he can feel me pouring all my feelings for him in this kiss. I kiss him with passion and love and try to give my all. I feel fireworks exploding in me. I don’t want this to ever end.
After we break the kiss, he looks at me with so much love and adoration in his eyes. His beautiful smile is bigger than I ever saw it on him and I’m sure I smile the same at him because this is the happiest moment in my life.
“I love you too, Felix. I did it for a long time, but I never had the courage to admit my feelings either because I was also scared I’ll lose you.”
“Really? Wow we really are made for each other.” He laughs cutely at our similarities in thinking.
“I can’t believe we could have been together for a long time already, but we let overthinking stay in our way.”
“Well nothing can come between us from now on.”
He then places a quick peck on my lips and grinns at my blushing face.
“I’m glad that now I can say how I truly feel about you out loud, not just in my head.”
“And what would that be?”
“That you are the most beautiful girl, kindest person I know, you are really smart, that you’re driving me crazy when you act cute and the only thing I want to do hold you in my arms and never let you go, which now I can because you are mine, sweetheart.”
I’m a blushing mess in Felix’s arms now and I try to hide my face in his chest so he won’t see it, but of course he did so he put his hands on my face to make me look at him again. He brings me closer, then whispers: “Will you make me the honor to become you boyfriend?”
“Yes!” I can feel my cheeks already hurting from so much smiling, but I just can’t help myself.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Then he kisses me again.