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Mirio let out a soft huff as he rolled over onto his back, blindly reaching for his phone in the darkness. When he felt his hand close around it he lifted it towards his face, bracing himself for the blinding flash of light before turning it on. The clock read 3:45 AM.
It was going to be another sleepless night...
Sleep had never come easy to Mirio, even before everything had happened. His brain just never liked to shut itself off when it needed to, which led to him staring up at his ceiling for hours at a time before sleep finally claimed him. It had never been unmanageable though, and Mirio had found ways to work around his, admittedly, unhealthy sleeping habits. Most nights he just texted Tamaki until the two of them fell asleep, which had always worked, but now things were different.
Now Mirio was quirkless and without his mentor.
He hadn’t gotten much sleep at all after that incident. The only night he had was the day everything had happened. The hospital had been gracious enough to supply him with medicine that would help him sleep, and he had had Tamaki to pull close to give himself some comfort that night. After that night his sleep had become more restless than ever before. Nightmares plagued his mind as he slept, dreams of Sir screaming as blood poured from countless wounds, the searing pain as he’d been shot, the horrifyingly numb feeling that had spread through as his quirk was destroyed… Mirio normally woke up in a cold sweat, tears running down his cheeks as he heaved for air. After those nightmares started, Mirio found sleep harder and harder to come by, the anxiety of what he’d see in his dreams plagued his thoughts.
After hearing about that Tamaki had let him borrow some of the medicine he took that helped him sleep, but it unfortunately didn’t work as well for him as it did for Tamaki, and neither did the countless other methods his dad had found for him. Glancing at his phone now, a thought crossed his mind to call Tamaki, talk to him throughout the night until they both fell asleep like they used to when they were younger, but as he reached for the phone he froze. He would have to call Tamaki.
Before it had been so easy to see Tamaki when he couldn’t sleep. Slipping an arm through Tamaki’s closed door to open it in the dorms didn’t cause the boy to wake up, and Mirio could curl up next to him without much issue, but things were different now. Now Mirio didn’t have a quirk, he wasn’t even on the campus currently. Now Mirio would have to call him, possibly wake Tamaki up and scare him, maybe even make him too tired to function for class the next day. Everything was too different, too foreign for him-
The thoughts made Mirio sick to his stomach, forcing the anxiety to coil deeper in his gut.
The smarter option would be to just retreat into the living room where he could just watch a movie until he passed out on the couch until his dad woke him up that morning, but his selfish desire to see Tamaki again plagued his mind. He couldn’t deny that having the other boy around did make him feel much better.
He hadn’t seen much of Tamaki since their stay at the hospital after the raid, and he knew that that was mostly his fault. The words they’d left unsaid to each other from their shared kiss at the hospital always ate him up inside when he thought about Tamaki and it made the guilt grow to where his stomach started hurting. The guilt was still there, but so were the more childish urges that wanted his friend with him. Mirio let out a small groan.
He wasn’t going to be able to relax until he'd at least heard Tamaki’s voice.
Fuck…
Mirio took a deep breath as he pulled his phone towards himself against his better judgement, unlocking it with trembling hands. He hit Tamaki’s contact but his thumb hovered over the call button for a few moments. It took him plenty of time just staring at that call button, his heart racing so loud it felt like it echoed in his head.
Ok… If he doesn’t respond to the first call you’ll know he’s asleep and you won’t call him again, simple as that, he reasoned with himself, taking the leap and pressing the call button.
It began ringing and Mirio felt his stomach twisting with knots as it rang. With every ring it felt like time slowed down, his anxiety only rising. For a moment he was sure that Tamaki wasn’t going to wake up, and he felt relief that he wouldn’t have to wake his friend up or deal with that awkward energy hanging around them, but then he heard the line get picked up. His stomach clenched uncomfortably.
“Hnn… Hello…?” Tamaki’s voice sounded exhausted, like he’d just woken up.
Mirio felt absolutely horrible.
“H-hey, Tamaki!” Mirio greeted him, rubbing the back of his neck, “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you up!”
“You didn’t wake me up, Mirio.” That was a lie. Mirio could hear how tired he sounded. “What’s up? Are you ok?”
Mirio was quiet for a few seconds, trying to find the right words to say. There was so much on his mind, so many thoughts that swirled in his brain that he didn’t even know where to start.
“I… It’s been… Really rough lately…” Mirio finally said after a few moments, turning to fiddle with something on his bed, “I’ve had a lot of things in my head and… They're all really loud tonight.”
It didn’t make much sense, but he couldn’t really make much sense of his feelings either. The whole situation made his head hurt the more he thought about it. He felt like such an idiot for calling Tamaki now, not being able to even tell his friend how he was feeling. They used to be able to tell each other everything, but despair cut through him as he realized he just couldn’t now. He woke him up for absolutely nothing and he felt like the worst person in the world. Tamaki was quiet for a few moments, and Mirio briefly worried that Tamaki had fallen back asleep before he heard the boy shifting on the other end.
“Can you leave your house now?”
Mirio was completely baffled by the question. Tamaki sounded like he was more awake than before so he couldn’t chalk the question up to him just being tired. The sounds coming from the other end of the phone sounded like Tamaki was getting up and actually moving around, which wasn’t something he expected at all.
“Uh… Well yeah I think so, why?”
“Let’s go down to that cafe, the one that’s right by your house.”
Mirio was absolutely flabbergasted. They hadn’t gone to that cafe in years, not since they started going to UA. There hadn’t been a reason to go, but Tamaki sounded so sure of himself, so determined. It wasn’t something that he was truly used to hearing from his usually shy friend.
“Right now? But aren’t you staying in the dorms right now?”
“I’m… home tonight, actually.” Mirio didn’t know if it was just his excitement but he could’ve sworn Tamaki sounded a little embarrassed saying that. “I could be there in thirty minutes, if you want?”
Mirio didn’t hesitate before getting to his feet, grabbing the jeans he’d thrown to the floor earlier that night and slipping them on quickly. He felt a little embarrassed at how eager he was to see Tamaki again, but it was easily overtaken by the raw excitement that flashed through him. The opportunity to see him again, to get closure for what happened, it outweighed anything else that might’ve been swirling in his mind.
“Alright! I’ll see you in thirty minutes!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting at that cafe alone made all of Mirio’s earlier anxieties slowly come back.
The cafe itself was a small one, kind of quiet and rundown with a smell like a nursing home, but it was open for 24 hours a day and it was a great meeting place for the two of them. They’d been going to the cafe ever since they were in middle school, the first night having been when Tamaki’s anxiety had gotten so bad they needed to get out for a while and they had stumbled upon this place. They’d gone to the place ever since, going in whenever they needed to just get away from the world for a few hours, and tonight was definitely one of those nights, but the anxiety Mirio felt sitting alone made it seem difficult.
He sat in their usual booth by the window, staring out at the darkened streets for any sign of Tamaki. He’d only been there for about fifteen minutes, his trek to the cafe much shorter than the one Tamaki had to take, but just sitting there with only his thoughts to keep him company only did more harm than good. It didn’t help that the lady who stood behind the counter wasn’t making her disdain for him unknown. He felt guilty for just sitting in there without ordering anything, sinking into the booth more as he clenched and unclenched his fists. His desire to get some sort of closure for what happened at the hospital weighed heavily in his mind, but he was starting to second guess his choice in going there. He was about to call it quits but then he saw him.
Tamaki-
The darker haired teen was just down the street, approaching the cafe at a brisk pace. As he got closer, Mirio’s heart soared when he saw that he was wearing the hoodie that he’d gotten him a few months ago. He could recognize the swirling purples and blacks anywhere, and the idea that Tamaki was wearing something that he’d gotten for him just made him feel so much better.
Seeing Tamaki in general made all of his fears melt away. Tamaki had always compared him to the sun ever since they were kids, but to Mirio it was normally the other way around, and this moment made that more clear than ever. To him, Tamaki was a bright beacon in the midst of the turmoil plaguing his mind, a sign that they were going to be ok no matter how fucked up everything got around them. There was something else too, a feeling that made his cheeks heat up and those butterflies in his stomach to start going crazy, but the memory of what happened in the hospital added an almost nauseous feeling to squirm in him. He stubbornly pushed that away, getting to his feet as Tamaki approached the cafe. Dark eyes met his and Mirio almost fell when a smile was sent his way.
The small bell on the door jingled as Tamaki entered the cafe, immediately turning to Mirio and making his way over to him. Mirio didn’t hesitate to meet him halfway and sweep him up in a tight hug. It was a little fast, especially with someone like Tamaki, but thankfully he didn’t push him away. Mirio was absolutely elated when he felt Tamaki’s arms wrap around his torso to return the hug. He let himself just enjoy it for a few moments, resting his chin against Tamaki’s head. He could faintly smell the scent of lavender from the shampoo Tamaki used and he couldn’t stop his smile. The familiarity of it all made him feel so good, so at ease after everything that had happened. He pulled away a few moments later, absolutely beaming at Tamaki. He still seemed a little tired, but Mirio was happy with the smile he was being given in return.
“Hey!” Mirio greeted him, his overly loud voice ringing in the empty cafe. The lady behind the counter gave him a harsh look.
Mirio felt a slight stab of self consciousness hit him, but Tamaki’s small giggle made warmth spill through his chest and erase that feeling.
“Hey Mirio,” Tamaki replied happily, his voice causing a sense of calm running over him, “Are you thirsty or hungry at all? I could get us some drinks if you want.”
Drinks. Drinks were a good start. He could handle that.
“Yeah that sounds good actually!” Mirio replied with a large grin, “I could go for some milk tea right now.”
Mirio turned, ready to walk up to the counter, but a hand gripping the sleeve of his jacket stopped him in his tracks. He turned his head in time to see Tamaki pulling his wallet out of his pocket, a small grin on his face.
“I’ll get them, you go sit down ok?”
Mirio paused, giving Tamaki a surprised look. “Are you sure? The lady up there seems kind of annoyed…”
Tamaki glanced over at the lady standing behind the counter. “Hm… Yeah I think I can handle it. Milk tea you wanted?”
Mirio smiled, nodding in relief. He felt guilty for making Tamaki go up there and talk to someone, but he felt mentally exhausted. The less he had to do the better.
Mirio walked over to their booth, sinking down into his seat. He kept a close eye on Tamaki, making sure he was handling himself alright, and he was pleased to see that Tamaki seemed fairly relaxed up there. There was still the tightness in his shoulders as he spoke, but he didn’t look ready to bolt like he usually did. Mirio smiled, but he forced himself to look away.
They still had to talk about what happened, but the thought made his stomach churn with discomfort.
He didn’t know what had happened. He hadn’t been thinking clearly after everything that had happened, and when he’d kissed Tamaki he knew he’d made a mistake. He’d had a crush on Tamaki for as long as he could remember, but deep down he knew Tamaki didn’t like him back like that. Tamaki had a crush on someone else, someone he wouldn’t name, and he knew that.
Tamaki had looked so shocked when Mirio had kissed him, it was far from all of the fantasies Mirio had had of that moment. Tamaki seemed to want to get away from him, quickly excusing himself from the room after it happened. Mirio had tried to tell himself it was just nerves, but he knew the truth. He’d messed up badly that night and now things were awkward between them. Mirio let out a soft sigh, resting his head in his hand as he gazed at the table. He wished he could take that night back, let things go back to the way they were before. Tamaki was being nice to him now, but Mirio could tell there was some awkwardness there that hadn’t been there before that night.
“Here you go- one milk tea with peach flavored boba, just how you like it.”
Mirio glanced up as Tamaki set his drink down in front of him, effectively jostling him out of his thoughts. He smiled up at him, pulling his drink close to himself.
“Thank you.” Mirio told him, removing the plastic from his straw to stab it into his drink. “…I’m sorry for calling so late… And for waking you up…”
“I wasn’t really sleeping.” Tamaki told him, reaching for the sugar packets for his drink. “Besides, your wellbeing is far more important to me.”
Mirio couldn’t stop the way his face heated up and he glanced down, smiling slightly as he took a small sip of his drink. The cool taste made him let out a happy sigh. Despite how run down the cafe seemed, they truly did make the best milk tea.
“I don’t know why you like it like that.” Tamaki’s voice shook Mirio from his thoughts and he glanced up at the darker haired boy. “Peach boba and milk tea just. Doesn't go well together.”
Mirio grinned at him, stirring his drink absentmindedly with his straw. Tamaki was already beginning to pour in a few sugar packets into his coffee, his third one from the looks of it.
“And I’m not sure why you get coffee when you’re just going to put a ton of sugar in there.” Mirio teased back.
Tamaki let out a faint chuckle, continuing to pour another sugar packet into his drink. Mirio counted that to be his fourth one.
“It’s 4:30 in the morning.” Tamaki told him, reaching for a fifth sugar packet. “Tea doesn’t wake me up like coffee does.”
Mirio chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink. He happily popped a few of the boba that had come up through his straw, the artificial peach flavoring filling his mouth. He knew his tastes were a bit odd, most people got a different type of boba in milk tea, but it was just how he enjoyed it.
“The lady up there gave me a strange look when I ordered that for you.” Tamaki explained, a sixth sugar packet in his hand. “I almost had to run back here.”
“Well, she just doesn’t know what good taste is!”
Tamaki giggled, the sound making Mirio’s heart soar with joy. He wanted to say more, but for the first time in his life he found himself struggling to find words to say to Tamaki. It had used to be so easy to talk to Tamaki about anything and everything, but now things were different. Mirio stirred his drink again, watching the boba move in his drink.
“So uh…Why were you home tonight, anyways?”
Tamaki paused, holding what must’ve been the seventh sugar packet over his drink. There was a faint blush on his cheeks as he glanced away, pouring the sugar into his coffee. Mirio suppressed the snicker that bubbled up in his throat.
“Oh… There was a break and… I also wanted to be home just in case you needed me.”
Oh-
Mirio’s mouth went dry as his heart sped up. The fact that Tamaki went home for him - He swore he’d stopped breathing for a split second, slowly coming back down to reality.
“Oh! Well- Thanks for that!” His voice was loud, way too loud. The lady behind the counter gave him another harsh glare and Mirio felt his earlier elated mood shrivel slightly. “I’m glad you were home! I mean- for tonight and everything!”
He sounded like an absolute idiot. Mirio wanted to smack himself, but Tamaki didn’t seem turned off by anything, only giving him a small smile in response.
“Of course… You're my friend, I want to be there for you.”
Friend.
Mirio tried not to let that hurt him so much.
“So… Why were you up so early…?”
Mirio paused, turning to look back at his drink. He wasn’t entirely sure what to say. He didn’t know how to explain the dark thoughts that already plagued his mind, and the thought of the hospital incident still made him feel sick to his stomach. Before it would’ve been easy to open up to Tamaki, but now everything had changed. The words wouldn’t come to him, and he could feel the guilt and shame pooling in his gut stronger than before.
He had to tell him something, he just-
“Uh... Mirio? Are you still there?”
Mirio realized with a jolt that he’d been silent for way too long. Tamaki was now watching him with an almost apprehensive look on his face, nervously fiddling with his cup. Mirio wanted to open his mouth, he wanted to confess to everything, all of his thoughts he’d been having, but he couldn’t. His mouth felt dry, he probably wouldn’t be able to get a word out even if he wanted to.
He had to do something and fast.
Without thinking he took the small wadded up paper from his straw and quickly flicked it at Tamaki. He wanted to scream the moment the realization of what he did hit him, and watched in horror as the small plastic ball hit Tamaki square on the nose, causing him to flinch with surprise.
What’s wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with you?? Mirio silently berated himself, his stomach sinking when he saw Tamaki’s reaction. Why did you do that?? You should’ve made a joke, done something funny! This isn’t funny!! This is like the farthest thing from being funny!!
Mirio opened his mouth, trying desperately to find the words to apologize, to say anything, but he was cut short when Tamaki suddenly laughed. The sound was so pure, it made Mirio’s heart speed up. He watched in surprise as Tamaki picked up the piece of paper, looking at Mirio with a coy grin on his face.
“You’re such a brat,” he chuckled softly, his cheeks dusted a light pink, “I don’t have any ammo over here. That was a cheap shot and you know it!”
Mirio didn’t think he’d ever feel as relieved as he did in that moment as Tamaki gently tossed the paper ball back at him, the mini projectile hitting his collarbone and falling into his lap. Tamaki was so amazing, even if he didn’t truly believe it at times. Tamaki shook his head slightly, giving him a look that made Mirio’s heart start racing.
“You know- if you didn’t want to talk about it you could’ve just said so,” Tamaki told him, “you didn’t have to throw something at me.”
Mirio winced slightly. “S-sorry- you know my hand moves before my brain truly gets a chance to process it! Besides I- I do want to talk about it I just… don’t know how…”
Mirio looked down again, his face heating up with embarrassment. He sounded like such an idiot. Tamaki thankfully didn’t say anything about how awkward he was, only nodding in understanding as he finally took a small sip of his drink, clearly satisfied with the mountains of sugar he’d added.
“I get that,” Tamaki told him, offering him a small smile, “I can’t put my feelings into words sometimes myself.”
That was true. Tamaki was probably one of the best people for a situation like this, though Mirio knew he couldn’t rely on him too much. He didn’t truly have the right to after everything that had happened. Mirio took another sip of his drink, looking out the window at the slowly brightening sky. The sun would be rising soon, and he was a bit surprised to find that he wasn’t at all exhausted after staying up all night. He was sure it'd hit him later on, but for the time being it felt nice being up with Tamaki.
He glanced at his phone, seeing that it was starting to go on 5 AM. The sun would be rising soon, and the thought gave him an idea.
“…You know, we could go and watch the sun rise.” Mirio offered, looking at Tamaki. “We haven’t gone to see it since we started going to UA. It’d be fun, don’t you think?”
Tamaki blinked in surprise, and for a moment Mirio was worried that he’d refuse, but eventually he smiled.
“Yeah- that actually sounds like it’d be fun. Let’s do it.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Oh god, I haven’t been here in years. I don’t think I could fit through that anymore!”
Mirio laughed a bit as he climbed a bit higher on the playground jungle gym, the metal creaking ominously beneath his feet. The park was completely deserted at this time, and Mirio absolutely loved it. The world was completely still, only a few cars driving by as people started getting up and ready for work. It reminded him of those quiet mornings when he and Tamaki were younger, sitting together and watching the sun rise at this park, though as he climbed up the playground equipment he knew it wouldn’t be like those times. He didn’t think he could keep going before the thing broke on him!
“You’re a lot smaller than me.” Mirio reminded Tamaki, giving him a playful grin. “I’m sure you could squeeze through!”
Tamaki shot him a dirty look, but he still didn’t budge from his spot on the ground. “Well not everyone is blessed with the physique of a Greek God, you know… Can you get down from there, you’re starting to worry me.”
Mirio chuckled and hopped down onto the ground below, feeling his knees protesting slightly at the drop. Tamaki had never really liked going on the playground equipment at this park, always saying that it just seemed like it was going to fall apart at any time. It always made Mirio laugh before, and now wasn’t any different.
“Alright alright, I’m sorry.” Mirio told him, grinning at him. “It’s just so fun!”
Tamaki didn’t look convinced, but there was a small smile on his face. “Yeah yeah, let’s go find a good spot to watch the sunrise before you hurt yourself.”
Mirio giggled, following Tamaki as he walked towards their usual spot. It had been a while since they’d last been there, and being there now filled him with so much nostalgia. Times had been far simpler back when they were younger, discussing their dreams to become heroes. Mirio felt a small twinge of guilt settling in him at the thought.
He really couldn’t avoid talking about what happened any longer.
They got to their spot and Mirio settled down on the ground beside Tamaki. The grass was a bit wet still, but Mirio hardly cared. The spot they sat at was a nice clear space near the park, well secluded from prying eyes with a good view of the sunrise. Mirio couldn’t quite remember how they even found that spot in the first place, but it was nice. It was an amazing spot for them, and while Mirio really didn’t want to ruin the nice mood they’d set up he really couldn’t stay quiet any more. He took a deep breath, his hands absentmindedly pulling up small blades of grass from the ground.
“Tamaki I… We need to talk about what happened at the hospital…”
The reaction was almost immediate. Tamaki had been fairly calm throughout their time that morning, but at the mention of the hospital his demeanor changed. An awkward tension filled the air, and Mirio felt his stomach clench at the sight.
“…Yeah… I know…” Tamaki sighed, running his hand through his hair.
He didn’t sound enthusiastic at all, not that Mirio could really blame him. Mirio let out a faint sigh, looking away.
“I… Don't really know what to say other than I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have kissed you then, it was… Wrong of me…”
Mirio absolutely hated how he sounded when he said that. He’d never been good at things like this, and it was extremely evident in that moment. Tamaki was quiet for a few moments before he turned to look at him, his expression unreadable.
“Why did you kiss me, Mirio…?”
Mirio flushed, his heart beginning to speed up. “I… Well… I did it because I… I like you, Tamaki.”
Tamaki’s eyes went wide and Mirio wanted to smack himself. It really wasn’t the way that he wanted to confess how he felt, but he supposed it was necessary. Mirio took another deep breath, turning to look somewhere, anywhere, else.
“I-it’s not the way I wanted to tell you, but when we were at the hospital I just… I don’t know…” Mirio ran a hand through his hair, his stomach starting to churn. He really regretted having that milk tea now. “I just… I didn’t think, and I know you have a crush on someone so I shouldn’t have but-“
“Mirio.”
Mirio fell silent when he heard Tamaki’s voice. He didn’t sound angry or hurt like he had expected, which was a surprise. He turned to look at Tamaki, noticing the blush on the darker haired teens cheeks.
“I’m not angry with you,” Tamaki said after a few moments, “I… I really shouldn’t have ran out of the room when you kissed me… I… I just thought you had regretted it, you looked so scared after you did it-“
“Wait- hold on-“ Mirio was completely dumbfounded, his heart beginning to beat faster in his chest. “You- I thought I had messed up- you have that crush on that other guy and I-“
“Mirio.” Tamaki actually looked extremely embarrassed now, yanking up blades of grass in his fists. “I… That crush was more of a puppy-love type thing, I never- I know I couldn’t ever get with him.”
Mirio was stunned. It was true that Tamaki had never actually tried pursuing a relationship with that mystery person, but Mirio had only assumed it was due to his anxiety. Tamaki had seemed pretty serious about it at the time, but thinking about it now it was possible he’d misread everything.
Had he been too caught up in his own thoughts to realize that Tamaki actually hadn’t been as serious as he thought?
“I… I thought that you were awkward around me because of the kiss…” Mirio admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I… I thought I’d ruined everything between us honestly…”
Tamaki gave him a kind smile, reaching over to place his hand on top of Mirio’s. “You didn’t ruin anything, Mirio… I honestly thought I had offended you by just running out like that, you seemed so shocked I didn’t know what to do…”
Mirio let out a faint laugh. “I guess we should really talk about that stuff then, huh? Avoid awkward moments like that in the future!”
Tamaki giggled as well, squeezing Mirio’s hand gently. “Yeah… That’d be smart, huh?”
Mirio laughed again, this time a much fuller laugh. The sky was starting to turn a light pink, the sun starting to rise in earnest now. Tamaki still hadn’t removed his hand from Mirio’s, and the thought made him blush.
“I’m sorry I never called after that…” Mirio murmured, squeezing Tamaki’s hand gently. “I was… embarrassed, and I was afraid I’d lose you… things changed so much after the raid I just- I guess I couldn’t lose you too…”
Tamaki looked at him, his expression soft. The way the rising light of the sun showed on his face made him seem almost ethereal.
“You’d never lose me, Mirio… I’m here to stay…”
Mirio felt his chest filling with such happiness that he found himself unable to speak. No words needed to be said as they sat closer together, their shoulders brushing as they watched the sun rise. For the first time in weeks it felt like the claws of fear and dread were finally releasing their hold on him.
For the first time, Mirio truly believed that everything was going to be ok.