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Steve was 13 when he realized he was into more than just women. Naturally, it was his best friend who made it known to him. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, the boy who wormed his way into Steve’s teenage mind and never left. The way he would care for Steve when he was sick, after a fight, and just doing homework, it was all enough to show Steve what he felt love was and what love was supposed to be.
And it was.
After Steve lost Bucky, the world turned and left Steve behind. Sure, he was alive, but he wasn’t living. He was merely existing in the shadows of what was left when Bucky’s hand slid from that railing. When he put himself in that ice, he thought he’d return back to the hidden bliss he had found himself to be comfortable with. Instead, he was thawed like a piece of meat and brought back to live his days in a new world with no family, no friends. The Avengers eventually became his friends, for that he was grateful for something in this new life.
But then Bucky came back, a piece of him still trapped behind the stormy gray eyes being hidden from the world with dark eyeshadow. A metal limb replaced one of the arms that Steve saw reach for him as he fell. Steve did everything in his power to get pieces of Bucky back. Eventually, he had the beautiful mix of the old and new man that he fell in love with.
And he fell in love all over again to the same person. They both did. It was a romance for the ages.
Except that it wasn’t. Steve wouldn’t tell anybody except the Avengers. Bucky was open and proud to be a Bisexual man out of time. It was different for Steve. He was never an ex assassin who had his time in the spotlight and then sort of receded. He was constantly in the spotlight. Constantly being viewed by everybody, a camera on him wherever he went. A warm flesh and blood body on display, always.
They both moved to New York and got an apartment, much more modern than the one they grew up in, and lived in beautiful bliss. The public didn’t know. Anytime they went out together, it was always headlines of “Best Pals out of time!” Bucky always would laugh, joking with Steve that they should use the articles as toilet paper because they were shit. Steve would laugh too, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
And living in New York City in such a new time, Steve has seen countless Pride parades. Something he grew up with in the same city to be terrified to be was being celebrated in the streets where he would try to defend people like him, people not like him even, and end up bruised by the cool pavement. It was beautiful, it was thrilling. Sometimes, he would catch a glimpse on social media, a livestream of colorful floats and bright, happy smiles of people waving flags. Sometimes, he would sit in front of his window, watching with his own two eyes the happiness that emanates from the people down below, singing and dancing in the streets.
Bucky never knew Steve watched from a distance. Every year, it was Bucky who was out there wearing Pride colors all over his body. Steve always shrugged a shoulder when Bucky asked if he wanted to go, said “maybe next year” and that was that. Not that it stopped Bucky from going to the pride parades. Though, he would grumble about how much more fun he would have with his love by his side. He understood Steve’s fears though. And Steve… well he just wished he could be more carefree like Bucky.
Bucky came back each year, rainbow glitter covering his face, stuck in his hair, and the rainbows Steve had painted on his metal arm just a little smeared. He’d give Steve a sloppy kiss and tell him how much he loved him. How valid his sexuality was as a Pansexual man. How valid Steve was to live and exist in a world he helped shape. Was continuing to help shape.
Steve would never admit it, but he was jealous.
~~~~~~P~~~~~~R~~~~~~I~~~~~~D~~~~~~E~~~~~~
Bucky is gearing up to go to this year's Pride Parade. Radiating energy as bright as the sun as he pulls on his swim trunks that have small rainbows all over them. “Is it obvious they’re swim trunks?” He asks, tying the purple strings into a bow.
Steve shakes his head, his eyes sweeping over Bucky’s torso. “You want any body paint?”
Bucky shrugs, looking in the mirror. As he reaches for his brush, he quickly glances at Steve. “What I do want is for you to come with me.” He strokes the brush through his hair, splitting it into three chunks.
Steve frowns and stretches out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. “You know I can’t.” He watches as Bucky starts to roll his eyes but stops himself. The media didn’t bother Bucky, not like it did Steve. Bucky didn’t care what the media had to say about him, it always seemed to blow over much quicker than when it was a Steve headline. Regardless, he sighs. “Look, people noticed you and--”
“And it worked out fine each year. I’m an ex-assassin and I’ve even made friends.” Bucky interrupts, his eyes meeting Steve’s in the reflection of the mirror. “You should be there, too. Celebrating love, our love, with me.”
“Does it even count?”
“Does what count?”
“Ya know,” Steve says, waving a hand dismissively.
Bucky’s fingers freeze in their process of braiding his hair. Pursing his lips, Bucky raises his eyebrows and slowly turns around to face Steve. “Well gee Stevie, I’d sure hope so.” The attitude drips from his voice mixing beautifully with his Brooklyn drawl. “Since I, myself, your fiancé, is also Bisexual. I would really hope it counts.”
Steve sucks in a breath and looks down at his hands, his fingers wringing together. He knows it’s legitimate, his sexuality. Steve’s pansexual label created with his true feelings. Not that he needed a label, and he didn’t have one for a long time. Then it hit him that he fell into this label's category comfortably. It’s real, the way he feels about all genders. He knows it's legitimate, he knows it’s him. But sometimes he gets into his head. The years of seeing biphobia and homophobia catching up to him. Always during Pride. Always when he should be celebrating, embracing himself.
He never told Bucky he felt invalid sometimes. Bucky would, just like he did, get a bit of attitude. He understood Steve like the back of his hand, but sometimes he would let his own internalized fear and emotions drip from his voice whenever somebody made him feel like he couldn’t be who he was. Bucky was always so strong, Steve can’t help but smile softly at Bucky’s sass.
Bucky’s now sitting by his legs, his hand gently squeezing Steve’s hip. “I know,” He whispers, his thumb stroking his hip bone. “Stevie, look at me.” Bucky’s voice is gentle. When Steve looks up, he’s met with steel blue eyes that sparkle just like they did the first time they said “I love you.”
“I’m sorry, Buck. I just… people don’t get it. They just say I’m gay because I’m with you but I have so many feelings all the time,” Steve says, his eyes pooling with tears. “Or they say we’re best friends because God forbid two men love each other. It isn’t fair, Buck.”
Bucky nods, his eyes never leaving Steve’s face. Gently, he reaches with his metal hand and pushes Steve’s soft blonde hair off his forehead. “I know, love.” He leans down, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “But you know. And I know. And your friends know.” He runs his metal fingers through Steve’s hair, gently grazing the scalp in the way that always relaxes Steve. “Society is… society is sometimes full of people who are ignorant. Who don’t care, don’t care enough to learn. Probably a mix of both,” Bucky says with a slight chuckle. Reaching down, he wipes the tears that escape from the corners of Steve’s eyes. “But you and your feelings, they are real. The world has taken a lot from you. Don’t let them take this away from you, too.”
Steve nuzzles his face into the palm of Bucky’s hand. His words repeat in his mind, soothing over the dull ache like the best medicine. Steve knows he’s right. He has spent the majority of his life in the public eye. He’s been told how to be, who to associate with, how to dress, how to fight, how to exist. He’s been told how to talk with the show girls, but never how to talk to actual women. He’s been told how to fight, but he’s never been told how to cope with the hardships that come after. Steve’s been taught how to exist in a world that doesn’t truly care how he exists.
But Steve is retired now. Has been three years. He lives with Bucky, the love of his life, in a nice apartment in New York City. Engaged and happy, Steve hasn’t really worried about much because he doesn’t have to do much. He stays home and he paints. Occasionally, they go out to dinner or the two of them will go to the Avengers compound to see the others. Other than that, Steve has been allowed to be him. Open and pansexual and all he wants to be- well, to his small inner circle.
And damn if he shouldn’t be allowed to show this true side he’s embraced for so long.
Bucky’s thumb is stroking Steve’s cheekbone, a gentle hum coming from his lips as he does. He’s comforting his love.
“You’re right,” Steve says softly.
Bucky hums in response. “I’m not usually wrong.”
“Shut up, ya jerk.” Steve sits up and wipes his face with both hands. “Alright, I’ll come with you.”
Bucky’s bright blue eyes light up like the sun. “You will?” He wiggles to face Steve. “This is very Steve of you to just suddenly decide to do something.”
“I will quickly change it right back.”
“No!” Bucky shakes his head. “I just, you don’t have to go just for me. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”
Steve smiles softly. “I know,” He says, leaning up to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “But I want to.”
Bucky beams and hops off the bed. “Then let's get you pridefully ready!”
~~~~~~P~~~~~~R~~~~~~I~~~~~~D~~~~~~E~~~~~~
Steve knows how he got here because he did agree to get exactly to this moment. However, the whole process was a blur and he’s left starstruck, staring up into a sky of rainbow confetti and people cheering and kissing.
The rainbow suspenders hug his almost bare torso, the rainbow crop top exposing his abs with Bucky’s rainbow handprints. As they were walking out, Bucky took his hands, painted them with the rainbow paint Steve used to paint Bucky’s metal arm, and pressed handprints into his exposed skin.
Now the world was seeing it.
Sucking in a breath, Steve grasps Bucky’s hand tighter. “This is…”
“Beautiful?” he asks, turning his head and looking at Steve. “It’s a lot more radiant with you here.”
Blushing, Steve gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. As he does, he hears screams. “Captain America!” comes one. “Holy shit!” comes another.
Bucky waves at them, a bright and shiny smile expanding across his face. “Hi!” He opens his arms as somebody practically jumps into them.
“Oh my gosh, I had no idea!” Pulling away from him, they turn to Steve. “I’m Ryan, this is my partner Terry!”
Steve smiles softly at them. Ryan is wearing a yellow sunflower tank top with rainbow printed shorts. Their hair is styled up into a perfect swoop on their head, rainbow hair glitter decorating the hair on their temples. Terry’s hand is firm in Ryan’s, his tank top bright red with the words “Love yourself like you love others!” It’s cute, and for a split second Steve wants to get that tank top for Bucky, but in purple. Terry’s hair is curly on top of his head, rainbow glitter decorating some small curls.
They look like a perfect couple. Steve feels his smile grow wider looking at them, feeling the happiness that comes off of them in waves as they greet their friend, his Bucky.
Bucky beams. “I’ve seen Ryan and Terry the past couple of pride parades.”
“And we got brunch once!”
Bucky nods enthusiastically. “That we did. Except Terry couldn’t come.”
“Work calls.”
Steve is smiling while trying to push his tears back as Bucky talks to two people he’s never met before. It’s not that he has to tell Steve everybody he’s friends with, it’s just… these are people he met at something that means so much to him. Sure, he’s heard Bucky say he’s hanging out with somebody named Ryan, but he had no idea the level of friendship.
Ryan is pushing their hair back as they turn to Steve. “I had no idea Bucky here was with his childhood best friend.”
Bucky smirks. “I always told them it was a secret.” He points to Terry. “But I did tell him.”
“What?” Ryan turns to Terry. “You never told me!”
“It was a secret!” Terry laughs, wrapping his arms around Ryan and kissing the side of his head. His lips come off with a small shine of hair glitter.
The next few hours are spent in the middle of crowds celebrating what it means to love. Steve learns quickly what it means to love is to love another human being unconditionally, another living and breathing soul that pumps blood through their hearts just like he does. It’s exhilarating, being around people who support him, who are just like him. Steve begins to feel less alone and much more valid.
As the cheering gets louder, Steve begins to chant alongside Bucky, “Love is love!”
Bucky beams, wrapping his arms around Steve. Scooping him up, he wraps his legs around Steve’s waist. “Love is love.” he whispers softly, leaning in to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips for the first time during the parade.
They both can hear the clicks of the cameras, the gasps. Steve isn’t surprised, he knows people were doing that all in hidden pockets of people. But this is up front, center stage. In this moment, nothing else matters but the swirling blue orbs of Bucky’s gentle and happy eyes, the plush curve of his lips as they form around the word “love.”
As they pull away from each other, reporters who were covering the parade are now pushing their way through the crowds. Bucky rolls his eyes, throwing his arm up in a shooing motion.
“No,” Steve says, suddenly feeling a rush course through him. He has things to say.
As the cameras approach him, people move back and a crowd gathers around Steve, Bucky, and a handful of reporters .As they start to shove microphones in his face, he squeezes Bucky’s hand tightly. “It’s okay.” Steve whispers, seeing the visible irritation and rage emanating off of him, replacing his bright mood.
“Captain America is gay!” One reporter yells.
Steve talks directly into the microphones. “I’m not gay,” He says calmly.
“How long have you been with Sergeant Barnes!” Another yells.
“My whole life,” Steve says, and moves a little closer to the microphones. The reporters edge closer, all eager faced and ready to capture every word. “I’ve been a pansexual man my whole life. Not that I could embrace it growing up. Not that I could even embrace it fully now. How crazy, right? I fight for freedom yet I couldn’t be freely myself?
“I wanted to do what was right my whole life. All of you learn about me, create visions of me in your heads. Learn about the Howling Commandos, about ‘me and my best pal James Barnes’ because in no way could it ever be that maybe the LGBTQIA+ community existed in a time it was criminalized! It’s shocking really!” The sarcasm drips from his voice causing Bucky to snort and laugh.
“All I wanted was to take my partner to dinner, to Coney Island,” Steve continues. “To hold his hand on the streets. To dance with him at the clubs. I never got that chance. Here our love story comes around seventy years later, literally beating all odds as we both become men out of time. Think about that, the way everything was trying to align for us and the one thing we both fought for, this country, was what was keeping us apart.
“I have spent my whole life living inside a bubble of close friends to know about my pansexuality while continuing to protect everybody else's freedom. What about my own? Am I not allowed to be free? All because I’d rather hold hands with a man than a woman? I never even take my fiancé out in public with our rings on for fear of what the media will say.” Steve sucks in a breath and stares directly into one of the cameras. “I didn’t fight for freedom so people like me, people a part of this beautiful community, cannot be free. Freedom does not work that way.”
Bucky claps. “Let’s hear it for Captain America!”
Smiling, Steve picks Bucky up and kisses him for the whole world to see. And he does it with the biggest smile he’s ever worn.
~~~~~~P~~~~~~R~~~~~~I~~~~~~D~~~~~~E~~~~~~
That night, after rainbow paint and glitter swirl down the shower drain, Bucky curls into Steve’s lap on the couch. Smiling, he reaches down and runs his fingers through Bucky’s damp hair. “I had fun today,” he says, his fingers lightly massaging his scalp.
Bucky hums, curling closer to Steve like a cat. “ I’m so glad you came.” Turning, he looks up at him with the brightest blue eyes. “The way you stood up for yourself, for everybody, for love.”
Steve blushes, leaning down to place a kiss on Bucky’s nose. “I couldn’t help myself.”
Scoffing, Bucky pokes him in the side. “Can you ever? Righteous old man.”
“Didn’t see you complaining.”
“Yeah well… it’s hot when you’re right.”
“Hot all the time,” Steve retorts, raising an eyebrow down at Bucky.
Rolling his eyes, Bucky turns in his lap so he’s looking up at Steve with his back on the couch cushions. “You are,” He says, biting down on his lip. “Thank you for coming with me, Stevie, really. It means… a lot to me.”
Steve smiles, cupping Bucky’s cheek with his palm. “Of course.” He whispers as Bucky presses a kiss into Steve’s palm. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He whispers, his eyes glossing over with tears. “I love you so much.”
Leaning down, Steve presses his foreheads against Bucky despite it bending him in half. “You’re pretty.”
Bucky releases a wet laugh and shakes his head. “Only for you.”