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"Wheels up in 30. See you all on the jet."
As Aaron left the briefing room he felt his phone go off. He didn't have time to pause, there were two missing girls in Ohio and the team was on a clock. But as the Unit Chief, he didn't have the luxury of ignoring his calls.
Without checking the caller ID, he lifted the phone to his ear, "Agent Hotchner."
Hello, Agent Hotchner. This is the trauma wing of the Flynn Medical Center in New York. I have you listed as the emergency contact for Sean Hotchner, is that correct?
If anything was capable of stopping Hotch in his tracks, it was his brother. The two hadn't spoken in years. Sean hadn't even bothered to come to Haley's funeral, or call, or even send a sympathy card. Honestly, Aaron had so much going on in his life right now as a widower, a single parent, and as a part of the team that he hadn't given his brother a thought in ages. And yet, after all these years, Sean still had a way of derailing his life. Aaron had no clue that Sean had even listed him as his emergency contact. Why him? And what happened?
Was it drugs again? Was this hospital calling to tell Hotch that someone had found his baby brother OD'd? Hotch couldn't stand the thought of his brother - someone with so much potential and passion - wasting his life away. But that's what happens when someone lets childhood trauma stew instead of dealing with it. Aaron would know, he's seen it play out every day for the last ten years.
Realizing this woman was still waiting on an answer, Hotch swallowed his fear and answered her question.
We are calling to tell you that Mr. Hotchner has been in an accident. We don't have all the details yet, but it seems as though there was an attempted assault at the bar Mr. Hotchner worked at. Somehow, he got mixed up in it and was shot. We are calling his next of kin to get consent for an operation. We would have to resect a large part of his liver, but he has not regained consciousness in order for us to ask him.
Assault. Shot. Operation. Not regained consciousness. His little brother. Hotch couldn't lose anyone else. Not this year. Not ever.
Aaron managed to choke out, "Yes, I consent. Please do what you need to do to save my brother."
We will try. He will be in surgery for at least a few hours. It would help his recovery if someone was here when he woke up.
When he woke up, not if. This woman sounded so sure. "I'll do my best ma'am."
Aaron hung up the phone and looked up to see David not-so-discreetly watching him. The rest of the team was busy prepping for the flight, but Dave had stayed behind. He knew that tone of voice from Aaron and was worried about his teammate.
"Your brother?"
"He's in surgery. Shot in the abdomen. I'm not sure what happened or how he's involved."
"Maybe he wasn't involved at all. Maybe you're too willing to believe that it would be his fault if something happened."
Dave was right. Hotch didn't have all the facts. But after all these years, Aaron had grown accustomed to assuming that Sean was the one who had messed up. It's one of the reasons why they were constantly fighting. Aaron never gave Sean the benefit of the doubt and Sean was well aware of that fact.
"Are you going to fly up? He could use somebody right now."
Aaron was trying to ignore Dave's raised eyebrow and his leading questions. Of course, he wanted to be with his brother, but there were more pressing matters at hand. The team was expected in Ohio in about two hours. All of the team. How could Aaron justify leaving right now? How would he feel if he was sitting in a hospital lobby while these girls were murdered, or worse?
"You know that I want to be there for my brother, but it's complicated. Jack would need a sitter-"
"You know as well as I do that Jessica would be more than happy to watch that boy."
"The team is expected in Ohio and there are two women missing."
"Then it's a good thing that this team knows what they're doing and that their leader has set a great example for them to follow in his absence."
Aaron paused. He knew that Dave was right, but Aaron had another for not wanting to see Sean.
Quietly, Aaron said, "I don't even know if he wants to see me when he wakes up. I haven't exactly been the best brother. And he hasn't exactly made the effort to reach out to me either. He might not want me there."
Dave sighed. It didn't take a profiler to have seen through Hotch's first two rebuttals. "Listen, Aaron. Things are only going to get better if you make them better. Forgive me if I'm overstepping, but I think you know that not spending time with Haley is exactly what ended your marriage. Don't let those same mistakes ruin another important relationship before it's too late."
How could Aaron have let things get this far? He knew that Dave was right. There was so much unsaid between Sean and himself. When Hotch turned 18 he left home without looking back, going to law school and beyond. He didn't stop to think about what it meant for Sean, living in that house alone. Growing up, Aaron had always received the brunt of their dad's anger - his rage. How could he have known that once he left, their dad would have no problem changing targets? At least, that's what he's been telling himself all these years of regret.
"Just- just wait to tell the team until I'm gone. I'll get the next flight to New York."
The hospital was chaos, and brought back too many memories for Aaron the second he stepped through the doors. It took him a few tries before he finally found a nurse that was familiar with Sean's case. In that time he kept entertaining the thought that maybe the woman on the call was just playing a horrible prank. Maybe Sean was fine, working in a bar somewhere, and Aaron came all this way for nothing. But, all of that shattered when the ER nurse said, "Sean Hotchner? Are you his next of kin?"
Aaron's heart dropped to his feet. Was this the moment he found out his brother was dead? "Yes, I'm his brother."
"Sir, your brother is still in surgery. There were a few complications, but the doctors are working hard to get him through the procedure. Why don't you have a seat in the waiting room while you're waiting? Is there anyone else that we can call for him?"
Aaron didn't know. He didn't know if Sean had a girlfriend, or who would want to be here for him. Aaron didn't know anything about Sean's life. He answered the nurse and followed her direction to the waiting room. As he sat the wait of the day crashed over him.
He hadn't seen Sean in years. He may never see him again. Aaron was always headstrong. He needed to be right before he needed others to feel seen. Sean never stood for that; he never let Aaron make him feel less than. Growing up, Sean's hot-headedness was enough to rival Aaron's and the two of them could fight like no other. The anger they got from their father, but the two of them never wanted to turn out like him. How could they? Why would they want to turn out like the man who beat and emotionally manipulated them them - especially Aaron - for their entire childhood?
The nurse came out with another update, letting Aaron know that Sean was still doing well and that the surgery was expected to take at least another hour. Each time the medical staff came to the waiting room, Aaron's stomach twisted up, expecting to hear the worst.
After the nurse left Aaron got up and walked to the coffee kiosk around the corner. It might not taste great, but it was a welcome distraction from what was happening in his life. But there were other means of distraction that could prove fruitful too.
Taking out his phone, he rung Garcia. The technical analyst didn't even give him time to say anything before launching into her spiel.
Sir, hello. I heard about what's going on up there. Are you okay? I am sending you two all my love and prayers and every good thought possible. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to fly up? I can do what I need to do from there. Please let me help you somehow.
Her rambling earned a small smirk from the unit chief. "No, Garcia, thank you. I'm okay. Sean's going to be... he's going to be okay."
Aaron hoped that she didn't hear how his breath caught. He knew that if anyone was likely to drop everything and hop on a plane, it would be Penelope Garcia.
"Listen, Garcia, can you find me information on this assault that Sean was involved with? I haven't had a chance to speak to the police here yet, and the medical staff don't seem to know what happened."
Of course, Sir, of course. Just give me one minute.
He listened for the tell-tale sounds of her scouring through data and waited for her update, the anxiety gnawing away at him.
Okay, well there isn't much here. The police report just says that a man walked in looking for a server who was on shift that night, there was an altercation between the suspect and a couple of the employees, and that one of the bartenders was shot by a weapon that was hidden on the suspect’s person up until that point. It doesn't say who the man was looking for or why, I'm sorry Sir.
"Thank you Garcia. If anything else comes up please let me know."
He almost hung up, but paused, "How is the team doing?"
They have a suspect already and are narrowing down the geographic profile for where the unsub would be holding the girls. After a pause she added, Hotch, don't take this the wrong way, but they're doing great without you. You have always set a good example for us to follow. Just stay focused on your brother.
"Thanks Penelope"
He hung up the phone and sighed, thinking about his brother was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. In the field, Aaron could create a profile and take down the unsub. He was sure of himself and what he needed to do to get the job down and bring the victims home as best as he could. Here, in the waiting room of a hospital, Aaron was at his weakest. The blinding lights and the bleached smells reminded him too much of ER visits from his childhood. Aaron telling the doctors that he had fallen off his bike or out of a tree or whatever the lie was that time. Hospitals reminded him of his team members getting in over their heads and ending up here. Worse, they reminded him of his own powerlessness against Foyet, the stab wounds, sending Hailey and Jack into witness protection when he found their photo in his wallet. Subconsciously, Aaron held a hand to his abdomen, where he could feel the bumps and ridges of his past with Foyet underneath his shirt.
The sound of the doors sliding open caught his attention, but it wasn't the nurse who came out this time. As the doctor came to the waiting room, Aaron wasn't sure if he was ready. He wasn't ready to hear that the last of his family was dead. But he didn't think he could handle waiting anymore either. Slowly, he got to his feet and rose to meet the doctor.
"Next of kin for Sean Hotchner?"
"Yes, I'm his brother."
"We were able to resect the entirety of the bullet without too many complications. Luckily, the liver is regenative; however, it looks like your brother had a past of alcohol abuse, which means that his recovery is going to be tougher than it would with a healthier liver. He coded once, but we were able to bring him back. Unfortunately, until he wakes up, we won't know how brain function was affected. He's currently in the ICU. Visiting hours will be over in a couple hours, but you are welcome to sit with him until then."
Aaron shook his hand and took a seat before his legs gave out from under him. He was out of surgery and it was possible he would make a full recovery. He wasn't surprised about the alcohol abuse, but he was disappointed. Some grow up to be like their fathers and others grow up to be everything but.
Grabbing his jacket, he followed the signs up to the ICU and asked a nurse for his brother's room number. Aaron's hand hovered over the door handle. He knew that physically, his brother would look pretty much the same as he always had, but there was something different about seeing a loved one in the vulernable position of a hospital bed. It's not something that you forget, nor does it ever get any easier.
Regardless, this was about Sean, it wasn't about how Aaron felt. For once, Aaron needed to think about Sean's best interest, so he pushed the door open without another moment's hesitation. His breath caught at the lifeless way Sean lay in the bed. His skin was pale and clammy, but at least he was breathing on his own. Aaron would never forget the last days of his father's lung cancer. The way that the breathing tube seemed to be sucking the life out of his father.
Slowly, Aaron crossed the room, took the seat next to Sean's bed, and gingerly placed his hand over his brother's. For a while, Aaron sat uncomfortably on the edge of the seat, awkwardly touching his brother's unresponsive hand. It felt as though any movement or noise would break the thin ice Sean was walking on at that moment. It wasn't until the nurse came to check his vitals that Aaron realized how ridiculous he looked.
Why couldn't he just be emotional for once? He knew that his walls protected him well over the years - and why they went up in the first place - but Sean never deserved to be shut out. Could Sean's life have gone differently if Aaron had just protected him better? He thought that he had protected Sean by taking the beatings and the focus of their father's anger, but that hadn't done any good for the emotional suffering Sean had been going through all those years. Instead of teaming up, Aaron tried to go at it alone and stoicly, not showing his fear and vulnerability to his little brother. Would Sean have been shot today if Aaron had bothered to just be present in his life?
The last time he was waiting like this, it was when Penelope was shot. At the time, he was much more focused on the case than he was at being by her bedside. But she had Derek, JJ, Reid, and the rest of the team to give her their attention and affection. Aaron assumed that she wouldn't need, or even want him there. But now, at Sean's bedside, Aaron felt like it was his duty. How many times had he missed being there for his brother? He even debated coming here this morning, just because it made him uncomfortable. The surgery was over, but he could still lose his baby brother. Who knew what complications would arise from all of this?
Aaron felt the prickles of tears start to form in his eyes, but there was no way that he was about to start crying.
A knock on the door broke Aaron out of his pity-party, and after a moment, a distressed looking young woman came through the door. She had on a shirt from the bar that Sean worked at and was looking past Aaron to his brother on the bed.
She opened her mouth to speak, but it was a while before any sound came out.
"He didn't have to. I thought that I had handled it."
She started to cry as she choked out the words, coming to the other side of the bed. Based on her body language, she didn't seem romantically involved with Sean, but there was clearly some connection between them beyond co-workers. The woman reached for his hand, but at the last minute pulled her own back, not sure what to do. So she wasn't comfortable being here, but it seemed like she felt compelled to be. He waited patiently for her to elaborate on her brief statement.
"We work together, but we've been friends since I started there. He always looked out for me, you know? I think that he could tell my boyfriend was abusive and it seemed to strike a nerve for him. Sean was always getting mad when I talked about Ricky or when he would see my bruises. Somehow he always saw through my lies about how I got them."
Aaron could see the pieces of the story coming together faster than she was explaining them. He easily believed that Sean would come between an abused and their abuser. After all these years of festering anger at their father, it wouldn't be difficult to project that anger on a surrogate.
"Last week I broke up with him, and Sean offered to let me stay at his place while I was looking for a new apartment... and just as some protection in case Ricky decided to do something stupid. This morning when we were closing, Ricky came in all angry. Sean saw him coming for me and just stepped in. No hesitation. Sean looked so determined and Ricky seemed crazy, and drunk. I think Ricky found out that I was living with Sean and got it all twisted up, I don't know. But then I saw the gun, and before I could do anything he pulled it out and shot-"
The woman started hyperventilating and wiping at the tears in her eyes. Aaron was nothing if not well-versed in talking to traumatized victims, but it was different when one of the victims was his brother. He pulled moved the box of tissues towards her and took a deep breath. So Sean really wasn't involved in anything stupid. In fact, he was trying to do the right thing and protect someone who needed protecting - something Aaron tried to do every day.
"Miss-"
"Laila"
"Laila, it wasn't your fault. Often, we try to blame ourselves when things like this happen." Goodness knows Aaron had been blaming himself all day. "But I have seen a lot of bad things happen to a lot of good people in my line of work, and it never fails to surprise me how quickly we forget to shift the blame to where it belongs. It is not your fault that Sean was shot, it was not Sean's fault that he was shot. Ricky made the decision when he came to the bar looking for you and when he pulled out the gun. There is no way you could have prevented this."
The woman hiccuped as she caught her breath and calmed her crying. Aaron sat back down in his seat and took Sean's hand in his own before looking back up to face Laila, "There were a lot of things that I could've done better for my brother, but the only thing I can do now is be here for him and to listen when he's trying to tell me something."
Aaron was so focused on Laila and his own thoughts he didn't hear the change of rhythm in his brother's breathing, or feel the slight movement of his hand. He did, however, hear his brother's voice when he says, "Listening. That's a new one."
Aaron jerked his attention down to his brother's fluttering eyes and tried to catch their attention. Before too long, Sean was able to keep his eyes open and focus them on his surroundings. Laila let the brothers have their moment and excused herself to track down a nurse.
"You didn't have to come out here. I know that you have a lot of people to save."
"You didn't have to jump in front of that bullet, but here we are." Sean made a weak attempt at a laugh before grimacing and reaching a hand for his stitches.
Aaron stepped back as the nurse came in and checked Sean's vitals. Everything apparently seemed good and they were happy with the progress he was making so far. The nurse left and Laila made a comment about calling their co-workers with an update before slipping out herself.
Sean took a minute before meeting Aaron's gaze. "What?"
"What do you mean, What? Sean, I've been in panic mode since I got the call this morning. I didn't even know that you had changed jobs, let alone all this other stuff going on."
"Well, it's not like you keep me updated on the ins-and-outs of your days at the BAU. Why should I feel obligated to tell you everything?"
Aaron felt his frustration rising, but remembered that Sean hadn't had time to think about all of this like Aaron had. In Sean's eyes, life was going the way it normally was, he got shot, and when he woke up his absentee brother was sitting by his bedside.
"Sean, please. You don't owe me anything, but I want to hear from you more. I want to know what's happening in your life. I think- I know I made a mistake by leaving you behind when I went to law school and never looked back. I guess I was blind to how things would be for you if I left you alone, and all these years, I think I've been too afraid to face you again after running away."
Sean didn't meet his eyes and didn't say anything for a long time, but slowly, he moved his hand so that it was next to his brother's. Aaron hesistated, but grabbed Sean's hand.
"Just- just don't leave me again. I mean, obviously you have to back to DC, but I want you to be a part of my life. I want Jack to be a part of my life."
Aaron nodded his head and rested his free hand on Sean’s arm.
"I'll be there."