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“Tell me,” Emma breathes, staring into dark chestnut eyes as her hands fist at her sides in an effort not to touch. She never thought Regina would come after her, never expected the woman to stand there in the pouring rain and beg—beg Emma not to leave.
But she had.
“You make me weak,” Regina confesses, all the walls she had hidden behind from the day they met are non-existent and all Emma can see is the genuine look of adoration staring back at her.
“My mother always said that love is weakness and I never understood what she meant until—until you.” Emma opens her mouth—to question, to protest; Regina doesn’t know but she doesn’t allow a single word to fall from pale lips before she presses on.
“My chest aches at the thought of never seeing you again, of never hearing your voice or—or seeing that shine in your eyes when you’re teasing me and I don’t quite understand that’s what you’re doing until you laugh in that way that steals the very breath from my lungs.”
She takes a step closer and Emma tries, she tries not to reach out but even though she does, even though her hands find their place on hips as though they belong nowhere else, Regina doesn’t stop and the feelings spill from her without pause.
“I love you,” Regina says and Emma’s breath catches in her throat, tears pricking the corners of her eyes and slipping down her cheeks. “I have loved you from the moment you showed up on my doorstep and I was afraid, afraid that if I let you in then I would have nothing when the curse broke and you discovered who I really am.”
“Were,” Emma mutters, sparing little thought for the correction but the smile Regina wears tells her what is coming next as she shakes her head.
“I am still her,” she admits, hands reaching to cup wet, pale cheeks. “If not for her, I would never know true misery but I would also never know true happiness and to deny her the right to exist, would be dismissing a part of my very soul.”
Emma is silent, unable to find the words to explain how badly she understands what Regina is trying to tell her but it doesn’t matter because Regina still isn’t finished. “If you want me, then you need to accept her as well and I know the full extent of what I’m asking, so I will understand if you decide you can’t but please, please don’t leave.”
“I…” Emma closes her eyes and presses their foreheads together, allowing a moment to pass in which thumbs tenderly brush along her cheekbones before she breathes in deeply through her nose and nods.
“It never felt right,” she admits, opening her eyes to a look of confusion that causes her to chuckle softly. “Denying her, it never felt right and I always had this sense of wrong whenever I said you weren’t her anymore because—even the darkest parts of our past come with lessons we learn, that stick with us for the rest of our lives and saying she isn’t you is like saying I’m not that little lost orphan.”
“My childhood is responsible for the person I am today, abandonment issues and all so I do understand and I can—I do accept her,” she says, permitting herself to do as she wanted the second she turned to see Regina running after her in heels as she slides her hands from hips to back, tugging Regina against her. “I love you, all of you and the thought of leaving you again—nothing has ever hurt me more than that.”
Regina whimpers, relief flooding into her chest and soothing the ache that had resided there from the moment she’d heard those words leave the blonde’s lips. “I’m going back to New York, with or without you, kid.” Henry had unknowingly chosen her, the mother who cared for him for ten years, thinking he would be enough to make Emma stay, not knowing it was because of her she couldn’t.
For too long, she has denied her feelings for the blonde. Too long, had she spent going through life knowing Emma was deeply in love with her, hurting her, saying and doing things that affected her in the worst of ways. She regretted every moment, every venomous word spat in anger and every longing look she met with a forced, derisive sneer.
“I am so sorry,” she whispers, returning the blonde’s embrace and holding on tight as she buries her head in the crook of her neck. “I hoped you would realise you were better off and find someone who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I made you think I still hated you and it hurt, Emma, so very much but I couldn’t stop myself. I know I’m not good enough for you, but I need you and I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you.”
Emma scoffs, pulling back and coaxing Regina to look at her as she speaks. “I love you, Regina,” she repeats, now the one brushing tears from cheeks. “I’m the one living my life, therefore I’m the one who decides who I want to share it with and that’s you. My happiness has always been you, always and neither you nor anyone else will ever convince me otherwise.”
Regina nods. She knows this already because Emma has told her, time and time again but never, not once has it ever kicked in as strongly as it does in this moment. Out here, in the rain, faced with the very real possibility of losing the woman she is so madly, deeply in love with; she truly understands the love that is returned to her.
"I'm sorry," she says because what else is there? She has hurt Emma beyond all reason and if nothing else, Emma will know that she regrets what she has said and done to cause the pain that finally forced the blonde to make a decision for the good of herself rather than everyone around her.
All her life Regina has had people dictating what she should and should not do, and she should know better than anyone what it's like to be told your feelings, your choices—that they don't matter, that as long as there is someone who disagrees with you, that you're wrong and should change the way you do/see things. It's been months since Emma confessed her love and Regina has being pushing her away ever since, denying her the right to feel what she feels and invalidating her every step of the way.
"You said that already," Emma jokes and Regina sobs because already; she can see the forgiveness seeping in to those beautiful green eyes and she doesn't deserve it. She is a horrible person, forcing her hurt on to everyone else.
"I don't deserve you," she confesses quietly, once more burying her face within Emma's neck where the feelings of love and safety are strongest.
"I think you said that too," Emma murmurs, her smile evident in her voice. "I'm afraid though, that I need to tell you that decision also isn't yours. I deserve to be happy, and the only one who makes me happy is you so no matter what you think; if you want me, truly want me, then I'm yours."