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"There is also one more issue," Mu Qingfang says, after he and Yue Qingyuan have finished trying to blame themselves for not preventing the demon attack in general and Shen Qingqiu getting poisoned with Without-A-Cure in particular. Shen Qingqiu maintains that it's neither of their faults — it's his own, for forgetting that the protagonist is immune to damage! — but there's only so many times he can repeat that.
"Oh?" Shen Qingqiu asks, trying to think of anything else that's happened recently. He doesn't know! He's been unconscious! He figured that getting poisoned with an incurable demon poison was the only thing he had to be concerned about. "Something from the demon attack?"
"No," Liu Qingge says. He sounds very angry about it and, frankly, Shen Qingqiu isn't entirely sure why he's here at all. Not that his help wasn't appreciated during the battle — it had been a very good last minute save! Dramatic timing worthy of a hero! Very much appreciated! — but having him sitting at the table drinking tea with a sour face isn't exactly improving the atmosphere around here. "My qi deviation. In the caves."
"Ah?" Shen Qingqiu says, even more confused as to why this is an issue that he has to care about right now. "Hasn't Liu-shidi recovered?"
If he hasn't, it still doesn't really have anything to do with Shen Qingqiu! Mu Qingfang is right there! Go bother him about it!
The three peak lords in his house look at each other, as if seeing who will break first and have to tell him something bad. Such brave souls.
Liu Qingge scowls down at the table and apparently, as the youngest martial brother, the task falls on the head of Mu Qingfang who closes his eyes briefly and looks very pained about it. Come on, Mu-shidi! This shixiong's temper isn't that bad. Anymore.
"Several years ago," Mu Qingfang begins delicately, "Liu-shixiong was placed under a curse."
Shen Qingqiu tries to look as if this enlightens him in any way whatsoever. And also tries frantically to remember if there were any possible plot threads that might give him more information. There aren't! Liu Qingge wasn't even a character — he was just a name sometimes associated with Liu Mingyan and an excuse to hate on the scum villain for being the worst!
"That… caused his qi deviation?" He guesses. That sounds like a curse thing. Qi deviations are the big threat in most xianxia novels, along with bottlenecks and blockages. The internal man vs self conflict made literal and thematic. Or, as in Proud Immortal Demon Way, made cliche and clunky.
Although, speaking frankly, it's pretty embarrassing for a peak lord to be under a curse. Not only does it mean someone got the drop on you to curse you in the first place, it means you haven't managed to get rid of it since! Not even with all of Cang Qiong Mountain Sects skills at your disposal! Even more so when it's someone like the undefeated war god of Bai Zhan Peak.
But none of that explains why they're bringing it up right now. Fairness? Because Liu Qingge knows about his embarrassing demonic poison problem, he gets to know about Liu Qingge's embarrassing curse problem?
A pretty rough trade, honestly.
"No," Liu Qingge says again. He takes a deep breath as though he really doesn't want to explain, but does anyway. "It would come into effect if I was ever beaten in a fight."
Shen Qingqiu nods. Pretty safe then, bro! Undefeated war god! Is this character motivation? Has he unlocked the secret backstory by saving Liu Qingge's life? If so, that's pretty cool! The guy literally has to win or die. No wonder he's the strongest fighter in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, who could only be brought low by qi deviation.
Then Shen Qingqiu pauses. He squints at Liu Qingge who gives him a bitchy look, as if this is somehow Shen Qingqiu's fault. He looks at Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang who look like they're preparing to give an eulogy at a funeral.
"That can't possibly count," Shen Qingqiu says, hastily. "It was barely a fight. You can't say I won when he fell over from his own qi deviation, can you?"
"It counts," Liu Qingge says, forebodingly.
"Apparently so," Mu Qingfang seconds. "Whatever means the curse uses to measure such things… it has activated."
Oops. Well it could be worse, Liu-shidi! You could be dead. This master did his best. Don't kill him! He did tell you he didn't know what he was doing.
"My apologies, then," Shen Qingqiu says, figuring he probably should. Does that shoot his 'make amends with Liu Qingge' plan straight to hell? Probably! The villain halo really is too strong! No matter what kind of move you make, it always turns out to be wrong. Shen Qingqiu is going to have to be way more careful in the future, clearly! "Is… there a reason I'm being informed? Do I need to lose a fight back?"
That sounds easy enough, if painful! Maybe if he's pitiful enough about it Liu Qingge won't actually break him in half while he does it. He's already sick, shidi, be gentle with him!
"It's… the nature of the curse," Yue Qingyuan says, very carefully.
No one is meeting anyone's eyes.
Shen Qingqiu considers exactly what kind of book he has transmigrated into and quickly flicks his fan open in front of his face. Don't be a sex curse, don't be a sex curse, he thinks frantically, closing his eyes as if he's praying.
There's a thunk like someone angrily setting a tea cup down on the table. "I have to marry whoever beats me in a fight," Liu Qingge says.
Oh thank god. Shen Qingqiu breathes out.
"The way you were all grandstanding made me think it was going to be worse than that," he snaps, not quite over the fright they'd given him. Did you have to draw it out? Where's the expert level exposition dumping you usually give, sect leader? Then he realises that probably isn't the most politic way to address the issue. "Not that that's good. It's not good. But what precisely does that mean? How does it enforce the 'have to'?"
For Proud Immortal Demon Way, that's not actually that unusual of a curse! Or at least, of a binding. Shen Qingqiu can think of at least twelve wives who had to be beaten in a fight before they could be married, for various reasons. Practically the easiest thing in the world for the protagonist to do!
But Shen Qingqiu is no protagonist. He's an anti-fan, primed to spot plot holes and logical ways things could have been resolved that the narrative missed — and if that means he's ready and willing to exploit curse wording loopholes, then so be it. You'd think these guys who actually lived in a fairy-tale-logic world would already be all over that!
"We aren't entirely sure," Mu Qingfang says, casting a glance at Liu Qingge. "The person who cast the curse was… no longer in a position to explain themselves."
Shen Qingqiu is betting that's a massive understatement! Who would even think that they could curse the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and get away with it? Curse him and beat him in a fight? Get real! You're dreaming!
Liu Qingge frowns, less an angry-murder-face and more of a thinking-about-it face. "Proximity, I think," he says, pressing the heel of one palm against his chest like it aches. "When you left the Ling Xi caves I… felt it. When I try to leave Qing Jing Peak… it's difficult."
Wisely, Shen Qingqiu chooses not to say that sounds like a you problem.
Having Liu Qingge stuck to him as a permanent bodyguard sounds like a good thing but actually, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want him that close. Liu Qingge can go and terrorise Bai Zhan Peak, not stay here and throw his Qing Jing Peak into disarray!
"Hm," Shen Qingqiu says, waving his fan. "And what does it count as 'marriage'? Signing a piece of paper? A ceremony? A specific ritual? There are dozens to choose from."
The three Peak Lords look at him blankly.
"What?" he snaps, self-consciously.
"Shen-shidi is taking this remarkably well," Yue Qingyuan says tentatively. His expression is doing something complicated that his usual calm look can't seem to contain.
Shen Qingqiu scowls at him, automatically. I'm free of the OOC lock, bro. Don't you start to enforce it! "No one has implied I have a choice in the matter," he says, making his voice extra icy just for that. If you don't want nice he won't be nice! "Sect Leader."
Yue Qingyuan cringes like Shen Qingqiu has leapt out of bed and smacked him across the face. You were really asking for that! He's trying to fix the original goods' reputation here, zhangmen-shixiong! Don't make it so difficult!
Liu Qingge is squinting at him suspiciously. "You're really going to do it."
"Is saying 'no' going to get me anywhere?" Shen Qingqiu says back, equally suspicious. It really doesn't sound like it is! If he's going to get bullied into it anyway, he'd rather just get it over and done with! "I assume you would have led with that if it were an option. Because I can say that right now. No, I don't want to marry you. Get the hell out of my house."
Liu Qingge's lips go bloodlessly white with how tightly he presses them together, and he sweeps out of Shen Qingqiu's bamboo house in a flurry of white sleeves.
"Shen-shixiong," Mu Qingfang sighs.
"Don't Shen-shixiong me," Shen Qingqiu says, irritated. He leans back against the headboard of his bed, feeling actually exhausted. Give him a break! He's poisoned! He just woke up. This is a lot to deal with! "I say yes, you all complain. I say no, you all complain. Just tell me what I'm supposed to do here."
Mu Qingfang pats him on the hand. "Yes, you're right, Shen-shixiong," he says, with an amount of agreement that sounds almost patronising. "We will… come up with a plan to address the matter."
"There would be no harm in starting small," Yue Qingyuan says, as if offering an olive branch. A very small and possibly withered olive branch. "Shen-shidi is right in suggesting that a simple marriage certificate might be enough… and could be easily reversed afterwards."
Which is why, two days later, Shen Qingqiu arrives at Qiong Ding Peak to sign some paperwork. Ming Fan and Luo Binghe trail along behind him as his retinue, because all his disciples seem to interpret 'demonic poison' as 'shizun will fall over and die'. Very dramatic, the lot of them. He has no idea where they get that from.
Liu Qingge is there already, looking slightly pale with bags under his eyes that are only really noticeable if you look. It only makes him look artfully unwell, like a character in a period drama sadly wasting away while looking longingly out a window into the distance. Maybe with some light sprinkling rain.
"Shall we use my office?" Yue Qingyuan asks, ushering them into his office without actually giving them a chance to protest. He has everything organised already, because he's a bro like that and apparently signing marriage certificates is within his job description if he wants it to be!
Does Cang Qiong Mountain Sect have a booming wedding industry? It's certainly pretty enough! People would come from all over for these views, to get photographed next to the rainbow bridge and beneath the immortal falling plum blossoms.
Maybe that's too touristy. A little undignified for a cultivation sect that prides itself on being above the sway of the world.
Beyond that little internal digression, the whole thing is… pretty much exactly like what Shen Qingqiu had always assumed going through the Civil Affairs Bureau for a marriage registration would be like – boring and administrative. Yue Qingyuan also seems to want to keep asking if they're sure when actually the whole point of this is that neither of them wants to be here.
"Just show me where to sign," Shen Qingqiu says, cutting him off and pulling out his Qing Jing jade stamp and using the cinnabar ink pad to colour it. He's glad he found it in his desk. He actually has no idea what Shen Qingqiu's signature looks like! This is so much simpler.
Meekly, Yue Qingyuan points out a space on the certificate for him to apply it. Liu Qingge applies his own next to it, and then Yue Qingyuan and the disciples sign it as witness. There you go, universe! Legally married! They have the paperwork to prove it! Goodbye curse, nice knowing you! The divorce will happen as soon as it's settled!
"I will have copies delivered to your peaks," Yue Qingyuan says, holding the certificate in his hands as if it's made of gold leaf — precious but fragile.
"Don't bother," Shen Qingqiu dismisses. Why would he want that! What if someone saw it! He'd have to explain things! "Well? Did it work?"
Liu Qingge gives him a sardonic look. "I don't know. Go away and I'll find out."
Shen Qingqiu sniffs and sweeps out of the room, his disciples tagging at his heels like little pale-faced shadows. Fine. Whatever. Suit yourself Liu-shidi! You're the one who's cursed!
Liu Qingge shows up at his bamboo house that night, barely giving Ming Fan enough time to announce him before barging in. He's lucky Shen Qingqiu is only reading a bestiary and not asleep or anything!
"Didn't work?" Shen Qingqiu asks, as mildly as he can. Inside his heart, he's cursing up a storm. That really seemed like the easiest way out! He doesn't want to have to do any of the Proud Immortal Way marriage ceremonies! Some of them are really weird!
Liu Qingge grudgingly admits, "it worked somewhat."
So why are you here?
"Somewhat," Shen Qingqiu repeats. "Which means what exactly." You aren't really helping, shidi! Be more precise!
"I got as far as the Hei River," Liu Qingge says, coming closer and kneeling next to the low table like he's an actually invited guest. It's better than looming and glowering, so Shen Qingqiu rewards him by pouring him a cup of tea to drink instead of being an ungracious host or whatever.
"Hm," Shen Qingqiu says. He had brushed up on his geography when heading out with his disciples the first time — no prizes for guessing that the webnovel hadn't exactly put consistent layouts and travel times as its highest priority! — but it takes him a minute to picture the area in his head. It's far enough that Liu Qingge can leave the mountain, slightly further than the little town near the base of the mountain range but— not that far.
There are probably not a lot of monsters to hunt that close to the sect! "Well, what's Liu-shidi's solution?"
Shen Qingqiu had offered his! No one had liked them! Not his fault!
Liu Qingge glares at him like he's being deliberately cruel to force the man to come up with a solution for his own problems. Tough! Own your own curse, bro!
He grits his teeth, looking physically pained, then eventually says, "tea ceremony."
How very traditional of you! Old fashioned and formal, but not horrible.
Shen Qingqiu taps his finger against his tea cup. "Unfortunately, I have no family for such an occasion," he says.
"None at all?" Liu Qingge asks dubiously, as if he thinks that Shen Qingqiu; noted loner, is actually hiding a large extended family from him.
Well, probably none! "Hm. Unless Zhangmen-shixiong counts?" He'd already signed their wedding certificate so what's one more marriage based request thrown into the pile! Who wants more people to know about this! That would just make it harder to go 'whoops, just some curse removal, hahah, no big deal, no marriage, really' afterwards.
These sensible justifications don't seem to hold up under the cold light of day when he goes to ask Yue Qingyuan and the Sect Leader goes appallingly teary eyed over the request.
"I take it back," Shen Qingqiu says hurriedly, covering his face with his fan as if he can protect them both from this unseemly emotional outpouring. Sect Leader bro! Why are you like this! He thought you were cool! "Liu Qingge can just stay on his peak. Maybe he'll learn how to train his disciples."
"Xiao Jiu," Yue Qingyuan says and— it's weird. It's one thing to know that the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect had held fondness for the scum villain and allowed him to get away with basically anything but…
It's another to hear the emotion in his voice. The nickname. Shen Qingqiu can't imagine anyone referring to the scum villain with such informality. It's wrong! Wrong!
"Of course I will stand as your family. I would be grateful to do so."
Shen Qingqiu continues to not look at him. What does he do with any of this! He clears his throat. "Right. Fine. Take it up with Liu Qingge."
Then he very promptly flees back to Qing Jing Peak where no one is crying over him — well, except for some of the younger disciples, who are always crying about something or other. He can cajole them back into happiness by teaching qin lessons, which is simple and straightforward. Well, maybe playing 'the moon over the mountain pass' doesn't make them not cry, but crying about music is a different kind of thing!
He doesn't hear anything about the matter of the tea ceremony for several more days, during which he immerses himself in the life on Qing Jing Peak. Very calm, very pleasant. Absolutely no curses or marriage based drama! Luo Binghe and Ming Fan were very strongly told to keep their mouths shut about it and since Shen Qingqiu hadn't heard any whispers, he assumes they have! Good work, disciples! He appreciates your discretion!
The marriage based drama resumes full force on Qiong Ding Peak! Yue Qingyuan has decked an entire meeting hall — the kind that other sect leaders get invited to to talk about important things and show off how fancy Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is — out in red and gold.
"This is not even remotely necessary," Shen Qingqiu says, horrified at what he might have unleashed. Who knew the sect leader was secretly a bridezilla! Good thing he didn't joke about Cang Qiong Mountain being a hot tourist wedding destination spot!
Yue Qingyuan breezily ignores him. "It was already like this," he lies. "It simply seemed a fitting choice to have it here."
Don't make it weird, Zhangmen shixiong! Shen Qingqiu wails in his head. You're making it weird!
Both Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge commit themselves seriously to the tea ceremony thing, instead of treating it like the farce of play acting that it is. Liu Qingge manages to make everything he does look graceful, from kneeling to pouring tea.
It's very distracting! This man is a one-man-wrecking-ball! But looking at him here you'd never know!
Yue Qingyuan even gives them dragon and phoenix bangles which is probably an expense the sect doesn't need! Neither of them are a jewelry-wearing daughter-in-law, zhangmen-shixiong!
"For whatever reason, two of our Peak Lords are getting married," Yue Qingyuan deflects this with the skill of a man whose day job is making excuses for things out of his control. "Even though you're both… content to remain private about this, the sect should celebrate in some manner."
"Private. Yes. That's one way of putting it," Shen Qingqiu says before turning to Liu Qingge and making a gesture like he wants to shove him out of the room. Or off the peak. Both would be good. Look at what you've done to their cool, collected sect leader! "Well? Did it fix anything?"
Liu Qingge rolls his eyes but leaves.
Unfortunately, that leaves Shen Qingqiu to bear the brunt of the sect leader's sudden attack of wedding-induced affection, but he bravely perseveres and only makes up a non-urgent excuse to flee back to Qing Jing Peak instead of blurting out 'oh look, it's all on fire, gotta go'.
Shen Qingqiu is even not surprised when Liu Qingge turns up at Qing Jing Peak that night. This is getting to be a habit, shidi! What do you want?
"We're married," Liu Qingge says, abruptly. He sinks down on the opposite side of the table and his stare is sharp enough to drill a hole in wood. Calm down! Shen Qingqiu's house is now declared a no-stabbing-zone! Those are the rules!
"That is," Shen Qingqiu draws the word out slowly, "the point of all this nonsense." He was there, shidi! You don't have to say it like it's news!
"So why hasn't it worked?" Liu Qingge scowls, clearly frustrated. "The range increased again, but the curse isn't gone."
Only a week or so of not being able to go anywhere he wants and he's like a caged tiger. So far he hasn't really held it against Shen Qingqiu, but that would probably change pretty quick the longer this goes on. Shen Qingqiu doesn't actually want to be on the receiving end of that kind of anger!
"We did what you consider a wedding, and what my family considers a wedding… why hasn't it worked?"
It's not that Shen Qingqiu thinks that only the paperwork is the important part! Come on, shidi, give him a little bit of credit. Especially considering that 'legal' in a xianxia setting like this is basically just 'whatever the most powerful sect says'. Their legal marriage document is probably only valid within Cang Qiong Mountain Sect territory!
"Where was the curse from?" Shen Qingqiu asks, instead of getting into any of that. That would only lead to 'so what do you really think a marriage is'! He can see the trap! He's not falling for it! "Maybe it's tied to whatever they meant."
Marriage could mean pretty much anything! Especially in this world! Binghe had had six hundred wives and the only thing they'd all had in common was—
Shen Qingqiu pauses, tea cup halfway to his mouth like he's frozen solid.
You may kiss the bride taken to the nth level!
Please don't be a sex curse, he thinks desperately.
He's not consummating a stupid fake marriage. No matter how pretty Liu Qingge is, he's still a guy! Shen Qingqiu isn't going there! It's one thing to put his name on a piece of paper or to pour some tea, but he's not putting his chrysanthemum on the line here! Too far! No way!
"Never mind," he says hastily. Nope! Not addressing that at all, ever! Sorry about your curse but maybe you should have thought about that before you got cursed in the first place! "Maybe it just needs… time to wear off."
The dubious look he gets for this suggestion implies that Liu Qingge doesn’t buy it — but he also doesn't seem to have any better suggestions either!
Time doesn't really improve the situation, but it also proves that the situation isn't totally unworkable. It's not like they're trapped in the same room or handcuffed together. It very largely doesn't impact on Shen Qingqiu's day at all — except for when Liu Qingge shows up at his house glowering at him like it will solve any of their problems.
"Mingyan thinks we might need to… get along," Liu Qingge announces on one of those visits. His mouth is twisted like he has tasted something extremely unpleasant in the words. "Like each other."
Shen Qingqiu pauses. It's a valid suggestion. "I have no objection to getting along with Liu-shidi," he says. "I have already expressed my opinion on leaving the past in the past."
He had kind of thought that the whole curse issue had scuttled that plan, but maybe not! It could still work. Liu Qingge seems to take his debts and oaths seriously so it's pretty likely that Shen Qingqiu could hide behind him for a minute or two when the protagonist comes to kill him. What's a wedding or two for that?
Liu Qingge scoffs. "I don’t know how you expect anyone to believe that," he says.
Shen Qingqiu keeps his expression mild. He doesn't know either! It's really hard to fight against the inertia of the scum villain's reputation, okay! He can't just say 'I'm possessed and don't want to die!'. "Liu-shidi should just observe and form his opinions based on the evidence, then," he says. "If my words are unconvincing."
Liu Qingge gives him a prime resting-bitch-face. It's a good expression! Ten out of ten! Would scare multiple children! "What do you think I've been doing?"
Crashing his house for no reason? Trying to share the misery around? Terrorising his disciples?
"Well then," Shen Qingqiu says. "I look forward to… Liu-shidi's friendship."
Liu Qingge goes back to frowning, as though Shen Qingqiu assuming they will get as far as friendship is horribly presumptuous. "We're married," he says, out of nowhere.
Shen Qingqiu hums, waiting for a continuation to that statement to explain literally anything. Maybe Liu Qingge is just complaining about his situation again. Fine. Shen Qingqiu definitely understands ranting about the terrible things in your life and there are no internet forums here! He can listen. Let it all out, shidi!
Liu Qingge only stews for a moment longer, then leaves. That works too! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
He does seem to take the 'getting along' thing to heart though! There are presents! Granted they are mostly bloody monster things that he expects Shen Qingqiu to eat — delivered dead after the Qing Jing disciples had taken one look at the living short haired monster he'd brought the first time and decided to keep it as a pet — or other trophies from monster slaying.
Shen Qingqiu even gets him to unbend enough to talk about his monster hunting, once or twice. It's nothing like reading about the interesting fauna of the world, and Liu Qingge isn't exactly an exciting storyteller, but he does know a surprising amount of detail about the things that he's fought.
The man might not pay much attention to anything outside of a fight, but once he's in one apparently no detail escapes his eye.
Eventually, though, there comes a mission that specifically needs Liu Qingge's skills — or Liu Qingge is desperate enough to go on a dangerous mission that he makes the Sect Leader say it needs his skills. Shen Qingqiu doesn't necessarily blame him for that, but it means that Shen Qingqiu also has to leave the sect so… a little bit of blame!
"We received word there was a demonic Baihu spotted in the Xue Feng mountains," Yue Qingyuan says, gravely. "So far the reports have been… inconclusive, but if they're true I wouldn't send anyone else."
"And I'm just expected to tag along?" Shen Qingqiu says, dryly. Okay, sure, he'd like to see a legendary white tiger. But you could at least make it sound like you're sending both of them, and not like Shen Qingqiu is just some inconvenient luggage to be included!
"Well," Yue Qingyuan. "We have actually had a request for aid from a nearby town — since you were asking for missions suitable for your disciples, I thought Shen-shidi could deal with that while Liu-shidi was hunting."
Shen Qingqiu flicks his fan over his face. Okay! Fine! He doesn't get to see a legendary white tiger! He's not upset! "Hm, they did appallingly in Shuang Hu City. I suppose it's time to see if they've improved."
Well, in that sense — having Liu Qingge nearby is a bonus! No need to repeat that whole Skinner situation! Firstly because it was embarrassing and secondly because deliberately and cruelly putting the protagonist in dangerous situations is only bringing the guillotine closer to his own neck!
That's the opposite of what he's trying to do.
The mission starts easily enough — oh, there have been some missing people and oh, some inconvenient fires and oh, goodness, is this a secret tunnel beneath the city — and then goes appallingly badly very quickly!
"Head back to the city and hunt down those firebreathing spider minions," Shen Qingqiu says grimly when they reach what is apparently an entire nest of Entangling Newlywed Spider Women plotting to roast the entire city alive and then apparently feast on the corpses! Charming! "Don't let a single one escape!"
"Yes, shizun!" his disciples cry, racing through the twisting interconnected web of tunnels — filled with plenty of spider minions and sticky spider web. He watches them go for long enough to be sure they have gone, and then steels himself to fight.
It isn't pleasant!
The Spider Women are lithe and fast and very tricky. Also poisonous! One grazes his wrist with her fangs and his entire arm feels like it's on fire. He accidentally brings down the tunnels around them with a poorly aimed blast of qi — which at least squishes a large amount of them! Xiu Ya cuts through several more and he stumbles his way up and out through the collapsed ceiling to find himself somewhere in the mountains. Probably. There's snow.
Excellent.
Shen Qingqiu clambers onto Xiu Ya, trying to guess whether he has the ability to make it back to the city before the poison gets him… and then falls nerveless into the snow as Without-A-Cure flares and his spiritual energy judders to a painful halt.
"Well," he says into the freezing cold air, not even bothering to rise. The snow makes his arm feel less like it's on fire. That's probably helping, right? Or is it like hypothermia, where the better you feel the worse it is? "It's a good thing that didn't happen five minutes ago."
Not that it happening here and now is much better. Forget being killed by the protagonist — he's not going to make it that far!
The next thing he knows, he's waking up! A surprise! He hadn't been aware of passing out. He's floating in water, feeling surprisingly warm. Liu Qingge is frowning down at him, arms curled underneath him to hold him up and feed qi into his back.
Shen Qingqiu blinks and tries to muzzily piece together what the fuck happened. "Ah, shidi. Excellent timing," he says. "How was the Baihu?"
"Just an overgrown Sabertooth Snow Leopard," Liu Qingge says. He makes a face that might possibly be concern. "You were poisoned. Again." Aww, are they friends now?
"Yes, I remember that part," he says. "Are we in a river? Why?"
"It's a healing spring," Liu Qingge says. "Mu Qingfang suggested getting a sample, to see if it would help you." He looks away, as if having been tasked with retrieving healing reagents for Qian Cao is an embarrassing task for a Peak Lord of his standing.
Shen Qingqiu feels a wave of fondness for him. It's probably just from the near death experience. "I think I should be insulted that he assumed I would be injured."
Liu Qingge gives a single hah which isn't exactly a laugh but Shen Qingqiu is going to count it as one anyway. "To help you with Without-A-Cure," he amends. "Which it hasn't. But it has cured the other poison. What was that?"
"Spider nest," Shen Qingqiu says vaguely, absently testing his spiritual energy and finding that Liu Qingge has cleared the blockages away. It moves sluggishly on his command, but it moves. He stands up, shivering a little as his wet clothing picks up the chill from the air. "Oh, is this the Three Springs Floating Clouds Pool?"
Another famous plot device cure-all! Though not too much of a cure-all or Airplane-Shooting-Towards-The-Sky wouldn't have needed to introduce six million other cure-all plot devices! Still, it is very beautiful! Fantastic getaway spot! Almost a pity that it's being used by the two of them and no beautiful fairy maiden in sight.
Shen Qingqiu barely has time to reach for his fan and find it gone, before Liu Qingge is holding it out to him. Still dry, even! Who says Liu-shidi is thoughtless!
"Hmm," Shen Qingqiu says. Liu-shidi has just saved his life. That merits at least one more attempted curse removal, right? Quid pro quo. "There's a waterfall up one of these tributaries that we should visit."
"Another healing spring?" Liu Qingge asks, following after him as he wades through the water to the shore, seeming unfairly unbothered by the temperature.
"Something like that," Shen Qingqiu says vaguely, then decides it's probably not a thing he wants to spring on Liu Qingge by surprise, actually. He might get stabbed. "It might help remove your curse. It's called the Bride's Kiss Waterfall."
Did he say there were dozens of marriage related rituals in Proud Immortal Demon Way? He meant hundreds. Take some innocuous action in the wrong place and bam married. Kiss a pretty girl beneath a waterfall and she's your five hundredth and twenty seventh wife. By that point, had anyone cared how thin the excuse was?
The waterfall is thankfully a very delicate stream of water, throwing a fine spray of mist into the air and making everything look romantically hazy, rather than the kind of thick torrent of water that would be torture to stand beneath. It's still cold though, and Shen Qingqiu shivers as he wades back out into the water to stand beneath the fall.
He tucks his fan away into his qiankun pouch first, of course! If it's survived his first unceremonious dunk into the water, he's not risking it a second time.
"Well?" he says to Liu Qingge, beckoning with one hand. "Come here."
Liu Qingge does and the way the water hits him is just unfair. It makes Shen Qingqiu look and feel like a drowned rat, but Liu Qingge gets to be cover-of-Vogue-photoshoot about it.
"Don't stab me," Shen Qingqiu warns, stepping closer and cupping a palm along one side of his jaw. Liu Qingge freezes under the touch, and even more so when Shen Qingqiu leans in and brings their mouths together.
It's chaste! It's very chaste! He's only doing it for the waterfall!
Absolutely nothing happens to indicate that the curse is broken or improved, so he mostly just feels really foolish about it all! Shen Qingqiu pulls back, and turns away, yanking his fan out so he can have something to cover his face.
He's not fast enough to not see the flush that has bloomed across Liu Qingge's cheekbones but—
Sometimes sacrifices have to be made! That's all!
Shen Qingqiu coughs. "Well. That's that. I'll head back to the city and see if my disciples have set it on fire. Liu-shidi should see if his range has increased."
Liu Qingge, surprisingly, doesn't take the opportunity to flee and save them both the awkwardness. "Later," he says, voice a little hoarse. "That can wait."