Chapter Text
it was way too early for this, the brunette thought. he hadn't felt so cornered like this in a while, and it was bugging him.
the classroom was large, with hundreds of students piled inside. the windows were open too, the smooth breeze easily entering the room. still soobin felt trapped there.
choi soobin lived an overall quiet life. his world was tranquil, bland and sometimes a bit boring. as sad as this sounds he preferred this type of life.
he didn't want any changes to it, he wanted to keep the exact same friends. exact same routine, the endless cycle he was thrown into since birth.
just last year he was doing just fine, he was content with how it was going. it was all going to be fine he thought - you should never think like that. changes are bound to happen despite your wishes.
he might be scared of these changes so he stays standing to his spot, his life unchanging as a result. lately the world has been against him. they flagged him down as a target of its misery.
drastically his routines started changing. all of a sudden there were many more people around him, all of whom he didn't want to engage with. luckily they felt the same. except one person, one very annoying person.
"hi there!" the blonde boy walked up to him, soobin groaned. not him again.
he did this every day. every morning they had a class together, soobin knows every sound the boy makes with his rather fancy boots.
every morning, after the classroom starts settling down one of two things would happen. the first: the blonde-haired boy busts into class late loudly rushing to his seat. or the second: he is already in class and waits to greet soobin.
either way, it was bothersome to soobin, he didn't really like whatever bit of attention the boy drew to them. most days he would just nod or mumble a response, not wanting to deal with him.
other days soobin sat still avoiding any eye contact, just waiting till the blonde boy rocked away. today was one of those days.
soobin kept his head ducked, staring at the other boy's shoes. he had his unkempt brown hair falling over his eyes.
today their little game of who moves first lasted longer as the other boy came to class a bit earlier. soobin tried focusing on his notebook, eyes going back and from their shoes.
he had a peculiar taste in footwear, the brunette noted. by today he had seen almost every shoe the blonde owned. they looked rich, and well soobin understood rich very well.
accidently he looked up at the blonde, catching a small glimpse of his face before throwing his own hoodie on. oh my god.
comes to think of it, soobin has never properly looked him in the eye or even got the chance to see his face. he was always busy avoiding the boy to notice.
in the few seconds, his face met the blondes all he could see were his eyes. in that time the image had already imprinted on his mind, now playing over and over again.
soobin started feeling anxious, he couldn't tell why. please just leave me alone.
after a while he did retreat to his seat, which was thankfully way in the back. soobin stayed hidden in his hoodie, unable to stop picking at his lip.
a few more minutes past and that trapped feeling disappeared. slowly coming to his senses, soobin realized how tightly he was clutching the pencil.
soobin would describe himself as a diligent student. he worked hard and tried his best.
he was proud of his art and was more than grateful to have been able to study whis craft despite family pressure. carrying the title of the only son came with its troubles.
his family never liked some of his habits, well old habits to be exact. he wasn't too happy with them either, that part of his life was at a depth he couldn't control.
in an attempt to see the world's monsters - or as they are normally called humans, soobin messed up a lot as a first-year. did some very regretful things.
he wasn't the best in terms of people. people were annoying and loud. yet there were still those people who were overly angelic. soobin detested them.
detest might be a strong word but he meant it. he has always had unexplainable hate for loudmouths who suck up to everyone. he assumed the blonde to be one of those too.
god why are you still thinking about him?
there were countless eyes staring at him. it felt horrible, his mind throbbed at the feeling of being exposed in public like that.
he didn't want to be seen by these people.
just as class finished, the brunette practically ran. fuck knowing where he was going, he just needed to get out of the room. no one would notice how he ran off anyways.
no one probably saw the panicked look on his face. or tried calling him from behind, worried that he might get hurt. no one cares right?
soobin hid behind the shelves of the library. it was a hybrid cafe x library, so noise followed him everywhere.
annoyingly someone knocked on the sketchbook in front of his face. no peace anywhere on this fucking planet.
he had two things in mind, one: kindly tell the boy to please leave him alone. or two: tell him to fuck off. by the events of today the second option seemed better.
his tongue was tied at the sight of who stood in front of him. "can you please fuck off," he barely whispered.
he doesn't normally swear. hell, the boy finds cursing a taboo in his life, you would seriously have to make him angry to even hear a bit of vulgar language.
still his words are louder than anything in the world. very offensive, and somehow effective as well.
soobin looked up. a frown challenging his face, as he met the other boy's eyes soobin tried to hide how shitty he felt.
it was the blonde boy again, he still had a smile on his face. the look in his eyes said otherwise. "sorry for bothering you," did i make you sad?
he backed away. soobin felt a rush in his heart, something about the way that boy looked at him was awful. he felt horrible for it. i didn't mean to hurt him.
this was the second time today their eyes met. every second trapped in that gaze felt like an eternity.
he quickly shrugged the feeling off seeing how that boy was already endorsed in a conversation with another person.
_________
soobin focus
i could see him through the corner of my eye. the blonde boy. i've known him for two months now, well i "know" him.
i have never talked to the boy, and i don't plan on it either. he is weird and is hellbent on being my friend.
something about the way he is so cheery ticks me off. everyone seems to love him, i can't force myself to love him ever. that boy pisses me off.
just a few minutes ago he was laughing away, practically howling at something whispered into his ear. for some reason his eye's kept glinting at me.
i looked down at my page. there was already a doodle of him printed down. did i do this while zoned out? what the heck.
i looked back at him and the rough paper. there were graphite marks smeared along with his sketch. the body was messily drawn, the proportions were all wrong too. making these types of images was second nature for. why did his one look so bad?
a few more minutes of hushed laughter and the sound of the librarian nearing could be heard. i peeked up from my drawing to see her standing over the blonde boy.
she was probably just as annoyed as everyone else in the room. i almost caught myself laughing at him being scolded.
i looked back one last time. this time eyes locking, i had never met his eyes before. that was really scary.
________
the boy who admired soobin from so far was none other than class topper choi yeonjun. not the classes they shared specifically, but he was a pretty good student.
hands sweaty from wearing his favourite maroon sweater, yeonjun bit his tongue frustrated from trying to get the brunette's attention.
from afar it was clear these two are from different worlds.
the elder of the two yeonjun sat on the chair, legs spread and blond hair slicked back with mountains of gel.
he was loudly reading a book, commenting on the ridiculous story every now and then. he wasn't interested in reading, this was just an excuse to stalk his real interest, choi soobin.
he wore a silky button-down, one which was too hot for a sunny day like this, but who cares fashion was more important.
the shirt was tucked into a pair of washed-up jeans, which gave him a nice figure. he was proud of the ensemble, pairing some nice combat boots with it.
yeonjun had a few jewels encrusted in his ears, pulling together his sophisticated yet stylish look.
opposite to that, soobin sat cross-legged silently drawing something in his sketchbook. he had his puffy hair hidden under a hood.
the black hoodie was oversized even on him. from a distance the boy just looked so small despite his actual height.
yeonjun is a people's person. he liked making others smile and found joy in socializing. a true extrovert you would call him.
he would always be found chatting with strangers and surrounded by people who want to be his friend. it was a delightful lifestyle.
people were always there to listen to your midnight ramblings, or learn the meanings behind what makes your eyes shine. very little of them cared, but that's not the point.
it was always nice to be heard. even if it wasn't from genuine ears.
he couldn't deny it though, yeonjun is a liar. he had been lying to himself. it all felt fake.
the smiles he drew on his face to impress others, the annoying favours he complied with for the sake of "being nice".
it was tiring being so outgoing. what was more tiring was dealing with those who didn't find the need to talk back.
people who sat silently at his friendliness. it made him feel a sense of vulnerability. it was almost like they saw right through his act. he hated being noticed for his weaknesses.
it was certain these people might be the ones who would care more about him. that was even scarier, he didn't want that.
yeonjun had made it his job to avoid these types of people. he loathes them, still, this one, in particular, sparked his interest.
something about the drained look in his eyes jogs the blonde's heart. he feels a tingling sensation creep up his arms while looking at the boy.
it started months ago, the first time yeonjun was charmed by soobin.
they never interacted. guess it was better this way, they were way too different anyways. yeonjun never liked such quiet people, it drained his energy.
this boy screamed that energy. yet he was so captivating.
yeonjun first properly looked at him when the boy randomly bumped into him. he got a good look at his face. really handsome.
he totally forgot about that encounter.
the next run-in they had was when yeonjun almost walked into the street. that same boy didn't say a thing, just guided him back into the street with a tug.
yeonjun started noticing him more and more. each time getting more flustered with how the brunette would easily understand what he was doing.
still, after every encounter, they wouldn't meet for a long time. gradually though yeonjun started looking out for him more.
it started when the blonde once caught soobin walking to the skating rink. at first, he didn't know where he saw this boy, he just seemed uncannily familiar.
he then put two and two together, figuring it out it was the same boy from school.
the boy never skated or anything, he would just sit near the bleachers sketching something. yeonjun found that adorable.
he could openly admit he was extremely fond of the boy's every action.
the brunette hated coffee he notices. a red-haired boy usually accompanied him, drinking a sort of cappuccino while the brunette cringed at it.
later he started noticing him more in class. little habit's the boy had been just so endearing.
they shared only one class. the one class yeonjun found impossible, arts.
he still doesn't know why he needed to take this shitty course. he is pretty quick to learn things, but honestly, it was more boring than he expected.
it was an apparent requirement, one which most students at this academy needed to take.
the only fun times he has had was when the teacher decided the non-paint driven-artists get to try that form of art. it was funny seeing the art majors pull at their hair while he messily attempted to draw.
he knew his calling wasn't art, he couldn't hold a pencil straight for his dear life. he called it dancing on paper.
yeonjun admired people who could do such magic.
when he found out the brunette boy's name, it made him literally giggle. soobin, it just felt so right. what was funnier was that they shared the same last name too.
yeonjun tried for weeks to get his attention, but soobin would just run away every time. sometimes seeing him leave ached, bringing a rough weight on his shoulders.
other times it just determined him more. it might have been super fucking annoying, he knew that. yeonjun just really wanted to be friends at least.
_________
yeonjun focus
i was immersed in practice today. the weight of the world seemed to disappear on the rink, it felt free in a way.
perhaps that freedom took me too far from reality, before i knew it the sun had already set outside. everyone was leaving.
today was very active, i literally can't breathe. i need water. at this rate i will probably be hospitalized, i need to hide these breaths from the coach or he would get mad.
coming to a stop, i almost slipped on the ice. yes, i am an ice skater.
even with the cold air on the rink, i was a sweaty mess. it felt nasty, how long did i practice for? looking out the window it was already pretty dark. fuck, beomgyu will kill me.
my eyes trailed to where he usually sat. the boy was already gone, i think it was a bit too early for him to leave. i slid my way over to the bench.
there was nothing there, nowhere along the bench. shit, i missed him again.
i couldn't stop a frown and started walking off when a little plastic bag came into view. who's is this?
i took a peek inside, just a small unopened water bottle. there was also a small note inside, on a peculiar bread-shaped sticky note. cute.
"drink water you idiot," wow whoever this is meant for has a great friend. i look around for anyone who this might belong to, when i see no one, i just drink the water.
fuck it, i am dehydrated and some angel left this here. thank god i was about to die.
freshened up in the locker room, making my way out to leave, i was hoping maybe soobin didn't entirely leave and was somewhere still in the building.
"what are you looking for?" a pitchy voice came from behind me.
it was yeji, one of the girls who train here as well. from what i knew, she liked me a lot. wish i could say the same, she gives off weird vibes. "nothing really, did you see soobin leave?"
"who?"
"oh brown-haired boy, much taller than me. he was wearing a black hoodie today i think." i moved my hands around to exaggerate his height. as salty as i am about it, he is really tall. ever taller than kai i think. and that boy is a monster.
she had a grim look on her face. an awkward feeling invaded the air, causing me to nervously laugh. "you good yeji?" she didn't say anything.
"it's late, you should get home. listen to what the coach said, don't overwork yourself." i gave her a small smile.
"you can drive, right? drop me off!"
"i doubt your brother would like that, he hates me." i could see hyunjin standing near the door. "there he is anyways, gets home safe then,"
she grunted, picking up her bag and tossing it to hyunjin. he had his eyebrows furrowed at me. i don't know why this guy hates me so much.
the second i entered the house, i was greeted by kai trying to do a handstand. "kai my love how have you been," i pipped at him.
he groaned rolling back on his feet. "that is so weird stop doing it,"
"can't you just accept my love?" he first made a disgusted face, pretended to spit on me and finally walked away.
i walked into the kitchen, beomgyu punched my gut. "you fucking whore, it is like 8 pm where the hell have you been?"
"you are such a brat,"
"bitchboy," he retorted.
"how am i the bitchboy, i am the most broke one here."
"that's because you spend all your money on food,"
"that's a bold remark from someone who i used to carry around when he was a baby."
"you were four, and you dropped me the first time." he deadpanned.
"you should thank me, now you're ugly so people will leave you alone."
beomgyu pushed me away. "very funny,"
"hey i didn't mean that you know," i tapped his shoulder.
"of course i do, you have a shrine of my pictures,"
"it's just my appreciation,"
"seriously though your room is filled with pictures of us," beomgyu follows me to my room. it's nothing grand, pretty spacious for the shitty rent we pay for this house. we aren't well off, just lucky.
it wasn't a lie. i had strings of polaroids all throughout my walls. beomgyu and i are cousins, we grew up together. kai too, but he was our neighbour for years.
coincidently when we moved to the city, a few years later he and his sister moved right beside us. we have been friends for years. an inseparable group.
kai sat on my bed, while i changed. beomgyu also followed us here. "yeonjun, how has practise been going? you haven't been pushing yourself too hard right?"
"i've been fine, how's your day been?"
"perfectly fine too," he and kai shared a look. kai looked between us and sighed. "he bumped into someone and almost had an asthma attack."
beomgyu stood up right away. "hyuka what the fuck?" he then turned to me. i couldn't hide my worry, he knew that. "i just didn't want you to stress.."
"beomgyu, why didn't you call me? are you okay now? how are you feeling? how did it happen?' i bombarded him with questions.
"i am fine i swear, i just got winded okay. you know how hot it gets at the hospital."
"next time you better call me okay," i hugged him. i wasn't mad, i could never be mad at beomgyu.
he is more than a brother to me. i just get sickly worried about him all the time, kai is the same. he is very mature for someone so young, he understands.
dragging beomgyu to kai, i pulled the youngest one of us into the hug too. he didn't like affection much, but melted when it came to hugs.
the next hour was us basically reminiscing about memories. lately this has happened a lot. we would just talk with each other for hours with no end.
it was fun remembering the stories of my first hair dye failures. or when beomgyu used to be a track star. kai would complain about how they were always too protective of him.
"seriously though, the arena is looking for another youth team. you were always good with skating, why not try out again? plus you get to spend time with your favorite person," i nudged him.
he shrugs, turning to me. "last time i checked my mom doesn't do any sports."
"hey!" i pinch his arm, earning a childish glare back. "besides i don't think i can really afford time for that stuff anymore. graduation is only a few months away."
i understand it very well. "kai look, once you drown yourself in grown-up shit there's no going back. so do what you want," i pat his head.
"woah, that was seriously mature." he looked shocked. "that was so nice of you," i rolled my eyes.
"i just want the best for my friends," i said goodbye to kai. he lived down the hall and had a test tomorrow.
i also bothered beomgyu a bit before settling into bed. he usually enjoys the times we spend together, so he didn't complain when i fake punched him.
thinking about what i told kai, they don't feel like my words. it feels like advice i heard before not gonna lie, just don't know where from. i hopped into my bed. where did i hear these from?
an almost blurry voice in the smallest corner of my mind spills wise words when i need them most. it's surprising i could come up with these thoughts sometimes. they feel aged but in a good way.
_________
soobin entered his own home. a large contrast to yeonjun's home, he lived in a very rich neighbourhood.
it was very late and dark outside. the street lights went out hours ago, the police already starting their nightly rounds.
soobin walked into the dark house, only a few lights on which were set to go on after sunset. thank god for technology or he would have stepped on something and broken his hand...again.
setting his bag down, the first thing the brunette did was discard his shirt. throwing it onto the laundry basket he made his way to the downstairs washroom.
while washing his face a small purr came from behind him, a smile immediately coming to his face. "rin! i was looking for you."
the little feline hops at the sight of its owner, going straight to curl up at his feet. soobin laughs, feeling the soft fur against him.
soobin dried his face, stepping outside the washroom and urging the cat to follow him down the hall.
he found a random shirt slipping it on while sitting down on the couch. his cat jumped on him the second he was fully clothed. this was their daily routine.
he holds up the small ginger cat. lifting him up in the air and watching his little paws scrabble around.
rin was a rather frail cat, much too small for his age. soobin still loved him, and would always be there for him. they were each other's best friends.
the brunette had picked him up at a shelter a few years ago. at first, they didn't get along no matter what soobin did.
the cat was very feisty despite its weak outlook. but soobin was persistent in his tries, he wanted to take care of the cat.
ever since he first met the animal, it was an interesting specimen. always hidden in the corner somewhere, not interacting with the other cats. "how have you been today?" soobin said, smiling brightly.
the cat only responded by licking his arm. "good to hear." he set it down beside him, kissing between rin's ears.
immediately after he sneezed. yes, soobin is allergic to cats, does he care? no.
he needed someone to keep his sanity, that someone happened to be A four-legged ginger who enjoyed tearing up the sofa.
of course, soobin didn't mind that. hell, he bought a mini sofa just for rin.
it was a lonely life, his family lived too far from him and rarely ever checked in. they weren't the worst, just not present in his life. soobin learned to be alone easily. he didn't have to rely on people and he certainly didn't want to either.
in the solitude of his room the brunette put on some light music. the soft sounds flowing around the space.
art was an escape from reality, just his own thoughts drawn onto canvases. he didn't have to worry about fear plaguing his mind.
honestly, soobin has always been afraid. what of? he can't tell. how pathetic.
all he knows is it has been eating him up in the form of nightmares. god knows how long it has been happening.
at this point sleep without them was a luxury richer than a jade throne. he could afford anything except one night without feeling terror.
soobin continued splatting whatever bottled-up emotions he had onto the canvas. his hands were messily stained with black paint.
as fun, as it seems, colors were a hard thing to do. there was nothing colorful enough to draw.
thus the hundreds of pigmented paint tubes were collecting dust on his shelves. the brunette didn't mind though, as long as he could express his feelings it didn't matter how dull a piece looked.
his cat yawned beside him, rin always seemed to be interested in anything soobin did. he didn't bother him though, just sat beside the boy observing.
sometimes soobin could swear this cat was like his guardian angel or something. it was so well-mannered.
an overly angelic feeling came from the cat. his mind suddenly thought of the blonde boy again. this time the image was distorted. a cold whisper flashed past his ear as soobin started losing vision.
he was already sleepy, it was past midnight no wonder he felt so woozy. calling rin, soobin hiked up the staircase with the cat following him; not bothering to change, he jumped into bed.