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A teen sits on the top of a building. His lanky legs dangling off the edge and his blonde-turned-white hair dances in the wind. He moves his boney fingers to tune the guitar he's holding.
It's a fairly old guitar, definitely used, but somehow still in pristine condition. Small engravings give character to the wooden instrument, almost an exact replica of the previous owner's personality. Before he went insane.
But Tommy decides not to think about it too much. After all, he has better things to do. Such as getting women and Primes! But he doesn't really feel up to doing that either. It's an off day for him.
So that's why he's on the roof of his booming business: The Innit Hotel! There's no real reason why he's sitting on the edge. There's no real reason why he's tuning his dead brother's old guitar. And there's definitely no reason why he's about to yell out his thoughts into song. No reason at all other than to enjoy the view of the once beautiful SMP.
But let's not dwell on the past for too long, Tommy needs to let his feelings out!
As he strums the guitar once with his pick the wind stops blowing so harshly. He pays it no notice, however, as he proceeds to strum the guitar. Slowly picking up a tune, he chooses his first thought.
"I wanna rip out my intestines, throw them in the sea"
He'll agree if you tell him he decided on a grotesque first topic, but it's not like you can do anything about it. It's the famous TommyInnit after all!
"I wanna raise the money to invest in plastic surgery"
He's started to hate his scars with a strong disgust ever since exile. After Dream gave him a giant red mark that covers half of his lower face with jagged lines. After Dream blew up Logstedshire.
"I wanna cover myself head to toe in super sexy scars"
Even though this thought may seem like it's contrasting against all his others, he wants to finally feel something other than manipulation and constant fear. So he took to self-inflicted pain to keep himself grounded.
"'Cause I mean aren't you supposed to burn if you're a star?"
He remembers vividly the moment that Technoblade released a whole army of Withers onto L'manburg. He remembers the same man who he fought against in SMP Earth, with the Business Boys, yelling at him to die like a hero. Telling him he's a coward and a selfish child who follows around Wilbur like a sheep to a shepherd. That stung coming from his past brother figure.
"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly"
Tommy doesn't notice when a few members of the SMP start to gather around at the bottom of his hotel. Doesn't notice when a few begin raising their hands towards their mouths in shock.
"I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me"
A few recognisable faces start gathering round, a certain few start tearing up at his words. The rest stare in disbelief.
"The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed"
He scares himself constantly when he doesn't hear a mob crawl up behind him, or when he gets flashbacks to Pogtopia Wilbur.
L'manburg Wilbur and Pogtopia Wilbur are two completely different people and you can't change Tommy's mind about that.
"The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed"
After Dream killed him in the prison he's started seeing hallucinations in the corners of his eyes and he's gathered unnecessarily harmful voices that constantly belittle him. He's scared out of his mind to sleep as he's now taken to sleepwalking - he once woke up to a knife against his throat, he had to ease his own hand away from his neck.
"I wanna take a knife and draw a line across my chest"
The pace of the guitar strumming changed slightly, gaining a sickeningly sweet tone that rebels against his words. The crowd down below gains more people, a few more tearing up, some still stunned in shock, whilst a couple begin to realise how stupid they were to blame a child for their misery.
"I wanna feel much better than I do when I'm at my best"
He's had his fair share of good days lately, his thoughts were clearer and the hallucinations weren't as harsh on his eyes or mind. But it still isn't enough for him to finally genuinely smile.
"I wanna fly away from my own skin and find a better place"
His voice calms slightly, following smoothly with the melody he's been creating for the past minute or so. His body doesn't feel like his own anymore after his final prison visit. After he was resurrected. He wants to get away from this land and live peacefully with his old friends back in Business Bay. He just wants to go back to how things used to be.
"I want to slash across what used to be my face"
Tubbo and Tommy have gotten more comments about their scars lately. More specifically, the scar on their faces. Some said they looked even more similar now, others said they always copied each other. Both comments were said with a condescending tone.
"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly"
The strumming went back to its dejected and lonely pace. He's decided that this would be the chorus in order to loop the song together nicely (so it's basically spitting on Tommy's life).
"I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me"
Majority of the crowd are now either in tears or are weeping over their own stupidity.
"The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed"
He misses Wilbur, he misses Business Bay, he misses Badlinu and Cyberonix, he misses old L'manburg. Most importantly, he misses his family.
"The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed"
He hates how he was only ever described as a nuisance-child by his friends. He just wants to go back and fix their first impressions of him.
"They say that it's gets better but I guess that was a lie"
His strumming picks up pace and then drops again, almost as if it was mocking his hopes of ever gaining back his family. He was constantly lied to throughout his years on the SMP. He was told everything would be fine as Eret led them to their demise. He was told they would gain independence as Schlatt won the position of President. He was told he would always be missed as L'manburg blew up twice.
"I guess we all just fake it 'till we die"
There was - and still are - a lot of two faced mother fuckers on the DreamSMP. Almost too many to properly count.
"Sympathy and love we can extend to someone else"
He's tried loving before but it never went the way he wanted it to go. He either got betrayed or one of them got killed. So in order to avoid that, he instead took the role of an "annoying child" to get rid of the unwanted emotions.
"But it's harder when you have to live yourself"
He could always stick up for somebody else, but when it came to himself being picked on and criticised, he was a pile of putty. And not the fun kind. Tommy always struggled with self-love, it never came easy to him. So he ignored his own problems and became selfless, but he was still called selfish no matter how many times Ranboo said he wasn't.
"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly"
He's decided to end the song on his worst thoughts. Maybe it would get through their thick skulls that he was fed up with their bullshit.
"I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me"
He kind of felt bad for people like Niki and Jack. They didn't deserve to feel as much anger and utter disgust they felt when they saw him walk by. He feels bad for a lot of people.
"The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed"
The tune picked up again, to give them a false sense of hope that he could possibly end it on a happy note. Wrong. They were always wrong.
"The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed,"
"The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed,"
"The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed,"
He finally looked down at the ground. The wind had picked up again, sending his hair flying in every direction, but he didn't care. What mattered to him right now was how many people were at the base of his hotel, staring up at him in pity, regret or horror.
He's glad he finally got through to them.