Archive of Our Own ^beta

He saw him everywhere, the boy with the wide chest and the bunch of flowers.

He’d come in on his black bicycle, lock it up outside the store, buy a newspaper, and a fresh half pan of baguette. Then he’d buy a bunch of flowers, fresh purple lilacs with a scattering of baby’s breath, without fail.

Hyunjin thought whoever the person was that got to receive them, was incredibly lucky.

Hyunjin had been watching him for a while. He’d been in the year above him at high school - often writing freestyle raps and hanging out in the music studios with a bunch of other guys even older. He’d taken his name for an electronic package delivery at the mail slot; so he knew his name was Changbin, and he also knew that he lived across the road from him on Labetdeo street.

And yes; he knew it was weird that he he knew that, but it wasn’t like he was ever going to act on his crush, anyway…

This particular Saturday, was a slow day. It had been raining all week, the sky dull with ashen-grey clouds and all of the usually colourful store-front signs pulled inside to protect them from rain damage.

He approached the counter with a different bunch of flowers than usual; some purple, yellow and white pansies. He was dripping wet from the rain, only wearing a sodden denim jacket and sweatpants that had shifted from light to dark grey through the weather. He had adorable helmet-hair, the top of his head totally dry and the ends soaked and pooling at the tips.

“Switching it up, today?” Hyunjin instinctively asked, taking the bunch from him to scan the barcode, without really thinking.

“Sorry?” he responded, looking up from his watch.

“You usually get a half pan and a bunch of lilacs, that’s all,” he said, nonchalantly.

Hyunjin looked at him, noticing the tinge of confusion across his face before it slipped into realisation of what he was actually talking about. He felt a little swirl of panic as he said it; maybe it was unprofessional to talk about what the customer bought, maybe he’d complain—

“—Oh, you mean the flowers! Well, they’re for my grandma, she doesn’t usually care what type of flower they are as long as they’re purple.”

“Oh?” Hyunjin said, slightly more animatedly than he’d anticipated, at the realisation that there was no significant other being handed those flowers. “Well, I hope she likes them.”

“Thanks, I’m sure she will. She’s just been given the all clear to come home after an eight month hospital stint. Purple is her favourite colour so—“

Hyunjin stared at him, mouth suddenly dropping open as he placed the half-pan back down on the counter.

“Oh, t-that’s great. Congratulations,” he said, with a slight bow and an anxious smile as he stared straight at him.

“Thanks.”

He paid for his items on his phone, scanning it against the panel, before gathering everything up and shoving them into a tote bag with ‘j’adore’ written across it in cursive.

As he turned to leave, he halted for a moment. Hyunjin thought perhaps he was just being a gentleman and allowing another person into the store, until he turned around again.

“Random question, but, did you used to go to Yeonin High School a few years back? You look familiar. I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.”

“Um, yeah. I did, I left a few years ago though,” Hyunjin added.

“You were- you were the dancing kid, right? You won that award when Li Kim visited our school?”

“You- You remember that? I barely even remember that…” Hyunjin said.

“Yeah, well, I remember. You’re pretty talented. Do you still dance?”

“Oh, no, I don’t really. It’s kind of— it was just a hobby. I still enjoy it, but I don’t really do it anymore.”

“That’s a shame. Anyway, I best get these in water. Have a good rest of your shift.”

“You too!” he shouted after him, before the mortification of what he’d said washed over him...

You too... What was he, an idiot?

★✧★

Every time Changbin came in, he’d get butterflies in his stomach. The kind of butterflies that were ludicrous because Hyunjin had no idea who he even was.

Regardless, every time he’d ring the bell for the mail slot, with his half pan and purple flowers, Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile, and Changbin was so gracious and polite, always smiling back. He’d even ask him how his shift had been, or if it’d been busy today; just mundane questions that didn’t mean anything, but he’d be one of the only few customers that ever thought to ask.

Hyunjin had specifically starting putting the purple flowers near the back, just so he had to rummage around, stay a little longer. Hyunjin would watch him feel the petals and smell each bouquet, just to see which ones were up to scratch.

This particular afternoon, he was wearing a large, black t-shirt with some nice pair of gun-metal coloured earrings, and Hyunjin had tried to focus on bagging up the items in front of him, but he was distracted.

“Sorry, I know this sounds really off, but I was wondering if, if you’re still interested in dance...” he reached into his pocket, pulling out three tickets. Hyunjin glanced at the golden, foiled ticket, reading it off; The Royal Seoul Conservatoire of Ballet and Contemporary Dance presents: Swan Lake.

His mouth fell open, gawking at them.

“Oh?! How the hell did you get—“ he slapped his hand over his mouth, trying to appear more professional and hoping that his Manager out the back hadn’t heard him screaming like a banshee, “how did you get tickets? It’s been sold out for months? Wow.”

“Well, my grandma is a fan. She said she wants to see the ballet as one of the first things she goes after coming out of hospital so...”

“Oh, it’s just— Three tickets?”

“Well... That’s kind of what I wanted to ask. Look, I know this seems really insane, but most of my friends are out of town and none of them are really interested in this kind of stuff. I know you used to dance so, I just thought maybe you’d want to go?”

“With... You and your Grandma?” Hyunjin said, realising how ridiculous it sounded out loud.

“I mean, my Mom and sister are coming too, it’s just she got an extra ticket for... My boyfriend.”

He watched Changbin awkwardly chuckle to himself, rubbing at the back of his nape as his eyes darted down to the floor, then back up to him.

“Your— Oh? I mean...” Hyunjin stuttered, his cheeks starting to flush.

Of course Changbin had a boyfriend, and of course the only reason he was being asked was because the boyfriend probably wasn’t interested in something as ‘lame’ as ballet.

Hyunjin heard one of the other customers from behind start to cough, staring daggers at him from the queue that had started to build up behind Changbin, trailing nearly to the shop entrance.

“It’s just— Look, I know you’re working, your shift finishes at four, right? I’ll meet you out front, to talk about it, if you want?” Changbin said, placing his money on the counter and taking his usual items, waving him off.

“S-sure, that’s— Okay,” was all Hyunjin could manage to muster, before the bell for the door was chiming, and Changbin had disappeared, leaving him with a gaggle of annoyed pensioners to deal with...

It was only after he’d left, and an angry, older gentleman slammed his newspaper and book of stamps down on the counter, that he realised...

Changbin knew when his shifts ended.

★✧★

He looked around, it was getting darker as the afternoon dwindled on, and the rain hadn’t quite let up let, a thin sheen of mist spraying down on him from above. It was always dreary around this time, but Hyunjin was just thankful to not be working the close.

He pushed the safe key in through the small letterbox for the next shift employee, before patting himself down, checking his pockets for everything.

As he glanced over to the bike stand that Changbin would usually set his bike in, he realised it was totally empty.

He didn’t really know why he was surprised in the grand scheme of things. He should have known Changbin wouldn’t be here. It must’ve been some kind of elaborate prank; maybe he’d noticed Hyunjin’s slight crush on him and wanted to rub it in, or something.

He slipped his hands into his backpack to retrieve his umbrella as he ducked under the awning and pulled it open, starting his dreary descent down the road.

His street was about a fifteen minute walk, and he lived at the top of the hill, so it always felt like an impossible feat in the rain.

He waved to a few of the other shop owners down his stretch, recognising the florist, the patisserie owner, the small, independent women’s clothing shop. He liked his town, it was quaint, if not totally uninspiring.

Before he could even reach the corner of the street, he was nearly taken out by Changbin appearing frantically in front of him, nearly knocking the breath out of his lungs.

“Shit, sorry! My bike’s playing up,” he panted, as if he’d run here, placing his hands on his knees as he doubled over, “the chain is so shitty, I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s—It’s okay?”

What exactly was he late for, anyway?

It was awkwardly quiet for a moment as he regained himself, catching his breath. Hyunjin decided it would be the polite thing to hold the umbrella over him, as he was a little taller, not that it really mattered; he was utterly soaked already after bounding down the hill.

“Listen, should we get out of the rain? How about that little Café, on the corner, or something? I’ll buy you a coffee, they close at eight?” Changbin suggested.

“Oh, sure?”

Hyunjin thought back to school, when he was told under absolutely no circumstances should he accept a strangers invitation to anything, especially when they could buy him drinks. Then again, most strangers weren’t men that he’d pined over for well over a year, and he didn’t think there was anything particularly heinous about a caramel, iced frappe.

★✧★

The waitress that Hyunjin knew placed their coffees down on the table, and Hyunjin was acutely aware of the way that she was looking at him, wriggling her eyebrows to insinuate something about the two of them.

Hyunjin could only dream, right?

That being said, he was sitting in a café, about to be talked into going to the theatre with Seo Changbin for some reason...

How else could someone interpret this?

He felt his hands sharking against the porcelain as he tried to focus on his breathing. Whenever he’d get nervous, his stomach would do backflips and make him feel nauseated, and he figured throwing up wouldn’t be the ideal courting gesture.

The café was peaceful, and they were one of two tables with any actual inhabitants, the rain scaring all of the customers away. He'd come here on occasion just to finish some work off or relax into the cute, duck-egg blue decorations and bunting. 

“This place is cute,” Changbin announced casually, walking back over from where he’d placed his jacket on an empty chair next to the heater.

Hyunjin couldn't help but notice his t-shirt was dampened and stuck to him, highlighting the definition of his arms and the outline of his chest; it was almost breath-taking, and it was clouding his trail of thought. 

“Um, yeah. It’s—I come here a lot, before work,” Hyunjin replied, taking a sip of his drink, trying not to get whipped cream across his face.

“Do you like your store?” Changbin asked, slinking down into his chair nonchalantly.

“It’s okay. I’ve worked there since I left school, so...” Hyunjin started, trailing off.

He was trying to find something interesting to say, but he was drawing a blank; nothing about working in a convenience store was particularly ground-breaking.

“Sorry, I know this is really weird. You don’t even know me, or anything,” Changbin said apologetically, rubbing the back of his nape with his hand.

On the contrary, Hyunjin knew quite a lot about him, but he wasn’t about to expose his weird stalker-ish ways quite so early on in their budding relationship...

“Well, look. When I said the ticket was for my boyfriend, well. My grandma thinks I have a boyfriend, which I don’t. She wanted to meet, said boyfriend, but unfortunately said boyfriend does not... Actually exist.”

Hyunjin blinked a few times, trying to work out the thought processes going on inside Changbin’s head.

Once again, he was drawing a blank.

“Right...? So where do I come in?” he asked nervously.

“Well, when I told my family about said boyfriend, I said he was a little younger, maybe just a year, and I described him as taller, with longer hair and...”

“—Oh.”

Hyunjin didn’t hide his surprise well, judging by the way Changbin started defensively holding his hands up in front of him, flapping them around like some kind of gameshow host.

“I’m sorry, it’s just you’re the only person I can think of that fits the bill, you know? Plus, you seem nice enough?” he replied, his voice slightly shaken with concern, his usually cool and calm demeanour starting to waiver.

“So, you want me to watch ballet with you and... Pretend to be, your boyfriend? Is that it?” Hyunjin confirmed, trying to take it all in.

“God, it sounds so dumb when you say it like that, I’m so sorry. This was so out of line of me,” Changbin apologised. He pulled up from his chair, hands against the flat surface of the table.

Hyunjin could see he was embarrassed, a slight flush transcending over the top of his ears and across his cheeks.

“No, no, wait!” Hyunjin said, gripping his arm to stop him in his tracks.

He was sure in that moment he almost collapsed, feeling the muscle of his bicep, tensing under his grasp.

“It’s fine! Honestly, I’ve been wanting to go there for a while and I’ve never seen Swan Lake. Plus, you must be nice too, right? All the flowers and stuff. You seem—Yeah. Okay?”

Oh god.

You seem nice too. 

What was he, an idiot?

He was so nervous, he felt the energy bubbling upside him like it was about to erupt. He had no idea why he was particularly nervous, considering this was entirely Changbin’s own suggestion, but it was a welcome change of tension as Changbin let his shoulders relax, exhaling through his relief. 

“Oh, that’s—That’s great to hear, thank you so much, you’d really be doing me a solid.”

“N-no worries,” Hyunjin chuckled nervously, as he sank back down to the table, placing his hands around his mug again to try and stop them from visibly shaking out in the open.

Changbin slunk back to his chair too and exhaled, immediately taking his phone out of his pocket and tapping away on it, probably to confirm said boyfriends attendance at the ballet.

“My name is Hyunjin... By the way,” he added with a laugh, realising that this had all moved so quickly, Changbin probably didn’t even know his name, yet.

“Oh shit, sorry, yeah! You don’t even— I’m Changbin.”

Hyunjin pretended like he didn’t know, shaking hiss hand as it was presented to him, even though he’d taken tons of his mail to the depot, and seen him in the yearbook.

They listened to the rain for a little while, sipping on their drinks in the peace and quiet as Changbin continued on his phone. Hyunjin didn’t mind the awkwardness, after all, this was arguably the most awkward situation two people could find themselves in.

Suddenly, Changbin let out a little gasp, his head snapping back up and eyes meeting his in an instant.

“Okay, so. The other thing I forgot to mention, is that... The show, it’s kind of... Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” Hyunjin shouted, alerting the few members of staff that were huddled around the countertop, chatting away in the absence of customers, "as in, tomorrow, tomorrow?" 

“I hope you’re not working or anything! I should have checked first, sorry,” Changbin apologised again. 

“No, I’m not, it’s just— I don’t really know anything about you, and I don’t really have anything fancy to wear or anything like that?” Hyunjin stammered, trying to gather his composure; he hadn't worn a suit since high school graduation.

“That’s okay, just some dark jeans and a shirt?” Changbin added, Hyunjin’s eyes widening at the concept of wearing jeans to The Royal Seoul Conservatoire of Ballet and Contemporary Dance...

“But, it’s the ballet! You’re meant to wear a suit!" he responded, and Changbin looked confused, like he had no idea of any of the theatre etiquette at all. 

“Okay, well, do you wanna go and get something? Mall’s open until nine,” Changbin responded, glancing at his watch.

“I don’t get paid until next weekend, it’s kinda—“

“My treat, c’mon.”

“I couldn’t possibly,” Hyunjin said, “plus you bought the coffees—“

“Hey, you’re the one bailing me out. Besides, we need to get to know each other, right?”

★✧★

When he was back home, at gone nine thirty, Hyunjin stared at the black suit presented neatly atop his laid bed. It was a three piece, a black blazer and pants, and a grey waistcoat with some navy, paisley detailing. It cost a lot, more than he’d be willing to ever let anyone spend on him.

He’d insisted that they only rented it for the night, but Changbin had decided to buy it flat out, stating that he didn’t much believe in credit cards... Hyunjin could only dream.

His train of thought was pulled from the fabric, as his phone lit up on his desk and the chime of the iPhone sound pinged. He waded over, swiping it to unlock it, seeing a notification from an unknown number. He had a message.

Unknown number [9:42pm]

hey, it’s changbin

here’s my number

thank you again for this, i know it’s kinda weird

You [9:44pm]

Heyyyy

It’s okay, it’s... Different!

Unknown number [9:46pm]

yeah you could say that!

sooooo tomorrow, meet at 2:30ish near your store

and then we’ll go over some stuff and then we can get a tram to the theatre is that okay?

oh, and my family want to eat beforehand at the venue, if that’s cool too?

my treat! you won’t have to pay for anything!

You [9:48pm]

Yeah, that’s fine, no worries.

I don’t mind paying though!~

Unknown number [9:49pm]

nah dw about it, this is my stupid idea

we’ll have to have a study session on each other before the theatre ㅋㅋ

You [9:51pm]

yeah, that's alright. we can study on the train there!

He hovered over the ‘x’, immediately back tracking. 

He couldn't help but smile at his phone, before he snapped himself out of it. He couldn’t get wrapped up in this; he needed to know his boundaries, but it was difficult when Changbin was just so nice, all the time. He peered back across to the suit, still with the tag on before he was nearly falling out of his chair at a sudden voice.

“Hyunjin!” a voice screamed from downstairs “Mom’s nearly home, you haven’t washed up!”

He sighed, leaning back in his chair to direct his voice towards his door in annoyance. It was his younger sister, screaming like a banshee, as per usual.

“Most of that crap is yours! Wash it up yourself!”

“It’s your turn! I helped with cooking!”

Hyunjin exhaled, turning back to his phone, before he suddenly heard the door abruptly open.

Yeji had barged in, dressed in full pink pyjamas and face mask slicked against her skin, her hair in two messy space buns on top of her head, wearing a face like thunder - if he could even see it through the sheet. 

“Uh?! Ever heard of knocking?!” Hyunjin shouted, “your face alone is enough to give me a heart attack!”

“Oh please, get over yourself. Hurry up, Mom’s back in five,” she groaned, before her eyes suddenly latched on to the new clothes over his bed. “Ooh, what’s the suit for?”

“None of your business? Now get out,” Hyunjin spat back.

“What, you sneaking out to go to some fancy art thing again? Trust me Hyunjin, Mom would like it if you actually got out of the house for a change...” she scoffed, wandering over towards it, to look at the 342k₩ price tag.

“No, it’s for tomorrow, I have a date, actually,” Hyunjin scoffed, pushing his wheelie desk chair across the laminate to swipe her hands away before she got any serum, or lotion, or whatever, on the material.

“Whatever,” she replied, pacing back across to the door, before she suddenly turned around again, a shit-eating grin spreading across her face. “Wait... You, have a date?” she responded, in overexaggerated surprise...

Hyunjin turned back in his seat, again, exhaling and spinning himself around to look at her, perched against the door frame in a strop, her arms crossed over her chest and a cocked eyebrow.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Hyunjin asked, in offense.

“Because you’re totally unlovable and gross with a shitty job?”

Hyunjin pushed himself back towards his bed and reached across it, grabbing one of his throw cushions and launching it across the space at her. She immediately ducked, holding her mask on her face for dear life, squealing as she did.

"At least I pay rent, freeloader." 

“So, what’s his name, then?” she droned on, ducking in through the door, swinging against the frame. 

“Like I said, none of your business.”

“Pfft, nice try, Hyunjin. I know everything." She peered her head back inside one final time, “now wash up, 2 minutes, Jackass.”

The door slammed behind her, and the hall filled with the patter of feet lumping down the staircase.

“I’m older than you, you know!” he shouted after her, in exasperation, before he let his body slump over the desk.

He really had to save up enough money to move out of this house...

He looked back to his phone one last time, suddenly illuminated again with another notification bubble.

Unknown number [9:54pm]

sounds good to me

well, have a good night!

see you tomorrow

thanks again

★✧★

As Hyunjin readied himself, he had to keep running his hands over his nice new pants, the sweat starting to become overwhelming. It was a lot more humid today after yesterdays rain, and he’d styled his hair for the occasion; not that it mattered now.

He felt tense, like it was a real date, even though he knew it wasn’t. In reality, he actually didn’t even know much about Changbin's actual personality; only the one he'd made up in his mind, but he figured that was about to dramatically change.

He was just in his pants and shirt, unbuttoned two buttons, holding onto his blazer, and his tie away in his satchel tucked behind his back. He didn’t want to ruin the shirt before the day had even started, and they still had a few hours until the performance, so he figured he’d try and air himself out for a while.

He waited outside the store under the awning, and Changbin was a little late, which put him even further on edge. Hyunjin had been a calm and collected 24 minutes early, for no particular reason. 

He finally wandered up the hill, phone to ear, giving him a little excitable wave as he shoved it back down into his pocket.

“Hey! Sorry, that was my Grandma, she’s excited and wants to make sure it’s still on...” he groaned. 

“Well, I hope so, otherwise I got dressed up for nothing,” Hyunjin joked, wafting his hands down his body.

“You look great, Hyunjin. Thanks for doing this, again.”

“T-thanks, you too… As in, you look great, not thanks for doing this. No-not that I mind! It’s fine.”

Oh god Hyunjin stop, just stop.

And he did, look great. He was wearing an all-black look, crisp shirt and pants. He had his hair pressed down neatly, like it had been straightened or something, with just a peek of his undercut showing through.

They started wandering back up the till towards the town centre, trying to pace themselves to keep the humidity at bay and risk ruining their hairstyles any more than they already were. The walk was one Hyunjin knew too well, and probably Changbin too. They'd lived fairly close to each other for as long as Hyunjin could remember since he'd transferred here, but he'd just never had the courage to say anything or strike up a conversation that wasn't 'cash or credit'?

“So,” Changbin started, chuckling to himself, his hands firmly in his pockets.

“So...”

“Sorry, I know this is, kind of awkward, or whatever,” Changbin responded, nervously, “would it be easier if we got drunk?”

Hyunjin laughed, “at two in the afternoon?”

“Hey, it’s happy hour somewhere...”

The walk to the train station was pleasant considering the humidity, and consisted of just talking about their days. Hyunjin discovered that Changbin helped out at a sound engineering firm, and had a sister, just like he did, only his was older. He also frequented some of the places that Hyunjin was always too scared to go. Talking to him felt relatively relaxed, which was lucky, because in a few hours, he was going to have to know everything about him, not that it phased Changbin.  

He seemed outgoing, relaxed.

The train pulled up perfectly on time, and it was relatively quiet on the platform, just them, the flower-filled swinging baskets and the ticking clock above head. There were a few other people in the B carriage, but he considered that perhaps half past two on a Sunday afternoon wasn’t a particularly busy time. They both squeezed into one of the booths, with a table in the centre, Hyunjin on one side and Changbin on the other. Hyunjin had explained that travelling backwards made him feel queasy, so Changbin offered to swap with him.

He seemed caring, understanding.

The journey was over an hour and a half, giving them enough time to piece together some kind of tangible alibi for whatever it was kind of situation they’d found themselves in. Changbin had brought out the notes app on his phone, jotting down a few things that Hyunjin was saying.

He seemed interesting, attentive.

Hyunjin had to catch himself every now and then as Changbin was talking, acutely aware that he’d stare at his lips; perfectly plumped but a little smaller than his own. His cheeks were doughy, it was a strange juxtaposition with his dark features and build body. It felt overwhelming, the handsome man the other side of him, the beauty of nature whizzing past his eyes off in his periphery. 

“Okay, so you’re the year below, you like dancing, and art, and you have a dog called... Carm... Kar...

”—Kkami,” Hyunjin added, raising a finger in correction. 

“Yep, Kkami, oh and, you can speak English pretty well.”

He scrolled up through his notes with the pad of his thumb, trying to find another interesting topics, not that Hyunjin thought anything in his life was that interesting—

“Oh! I lived in Las Vegas,” Hyunjin suddenly said, with a snap of the fingers, “that’s how I first started learning English.”

“Oh, that’s a cool thing to note.”

Hyunjin took a deep breath, readying himself to recite what he knew of Changbin, too. He spread his hands across the table in front of him, tapping his fingers excitedly.

“So, you’re a studio tech at a sound engineer firm, you have an older sister, you were born in Yongin but you moved to Seoul aged thirteen. Your two best friends go to Seoul Tech and you can’t swim.”

“Perfect,” Changbin laughed, before he realised, “Oh wait, hey! Come on now.” He playfully tapped at Hyunjin’s wrist, “we can’t all be on the swim team, can we?”

“How’d you know that? I didn’t tell you that!” Hyunjin laughed in response, eyes disappearing into his cheeks.

“I remember from school.”

They stared at each other across the table, that same semi-awkward silence rearing it's head, but this time it felt sweet, like Hyunjin couldn't stop smiling through his nerves.

He really had to rein it in, but he just couldn't help himself, so he tried to change the topic.

“Okay, so... When’s your birthday?” Hyunjin asked.

“11th of August, yours?”

“20th of March.”

“And how exactly did we meet?”

“Good question...” He thought for a moment, glancing out through the train window, watching the trees zoom by him. “Uh... How about, just... In the store I work at?” he responded, glancing back over.

It was probably easier to keep it simple. 

“I think, maybe we should do like—I saw you dancing at school, and then we 'reconnected', or something just a little more interesting.”

“If you make it too interesting I’ll forget the details!”

Changbin started typing on his phone again, and Hyunjin's curiosity got the better of him as he stared across the table in awe. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what’d you want to know?” Changbin replied, barely even looking up from the screen. 

“Why don’t you just say that you and your boyfriend broke up, or something? Rather than create this elaborate fake boyfriend?”

Something in the air shifted, and Changbin's expression became a little unreadable. He wondered if maybe he'd said something wrong, or if he shouldn't have pried in the first place. Catching his gaze felt strange, and it seemed like he was searching for the right words to use. He halted for a moment. 

“Well, it’s just that, there was a time when... When- we didn’t know if she was gonna pull through, and she said she really just wants me to find someone. She’s getting older and she’d like to think that I’d settle down with someone before she ‘passes’, I guess. God, it sounds awful. She’s fine, it’s just, she’s always worried about me. I just thought it would be nice." 

Hyunjin went silent, his head lowering to his chest, a timid 'oh', rolling off of his lips. 

“But hey, it’s all good. We’ll just show our faces for the performance and then get out of there, right?”

“Right, sounds good.”

★✧★

As soon as they arrived at the theatre, Hyunjin couldn't stop himself from shaking. He'd always loved ballet; studying it when he used to dance. He preferred contemporary and street dance, but there was something inheritantly mesmerizing about ballet and the way it demanded the stage. It was alive here, hundreds of people gathered outside of the venue. Changbin kept looking at his watch, waiting for his family's arrival, obviously noticing Hyunjin's discomfort out of the corner of his eye. 

"Hey, you okay?" Changbin asked him, "excited or nervous?"

"Bit of both," Hyunjin replied sweetly, hands clasped together in front of him.

Changbin perked up suddenly, waving across to some of the stone steps towards the entrance doors, summoning the rest of his family over. His mother was quite tall, surprisingly, as was his sister. They were both wrapped in long, black puffer coats, and his mother was pushing his grandmother along in a wheelchair, a smile so bright and welcoming that Hyunjin found himself beaming back at her. 

Changbin nodded at his sister, and Hyunjin was glad to see that it wasn't only him and Yeji that were at each other's necks on occasion, before he slipped into his mother's embrace. He could hear how hard she was squeezing him, the way he groaned and squeaked under his breath.

He leant forward, bowing to his grandma and planting a peck on her left cheek, before his face was consumed by her hands. She was clutching his face, withered fingers stroking at his doughy cheeks, eyes sparkling and excited for the nights' events. 

“Mom, Grandma, this is Hyunjin. Hyunjin, this is... My Mom and Grandma...”

“Call me Chaewon, Hyunjin!” she reached her hand out, and he took it into his own palms, bowing graciously down to her. 

“Oh gosh, I couldn't. T-thank you though, nice to meet you.”

“Wow, what a handsome young man,” his grandma responded, smiling directly at him. 

Hyunjin’s throat suddenly felt dry at the compliment, and he hoped he wasn’t showing it.

“Grandma, come on...” Changbin mumbled, embarrassed at his families cooing.

“Oh I’m sorry darling! I’m just very excited!”

“Well, don’t get too excited Mom, you shouldn’t really be out and about,” Changbin’s mother added. 

“Oh, nonsense!” she responded, flicking her tiny hand in dismissal. 

They walked in through the front doors, mingling with the other guests, the air abuzz with the hoards of civilians. Changbin escorted him in with a gentle hand to the small of the back, and Hyunjin knew these kind of touches were necessary, but he was secretly mortified at how sweaty his back was…

They scanned their tickets through, and Changbin politely waited for the ramp access to help his grandmother up to the main entrance hall after they’d checked in, his mother glancing at the map for their seating area. 

They all sat down for some nibbles and refreshments in one of the bars situated in the venue. It felt posh, refined, and Hyunjin found himself totally drawn by it all. He missed dance, he missed the theatre, he missed all of it. 

He saw the cost of the drinks here, and he thought they were probably paying for the performers entire wage slips, seeing how pricey they were. 

They ordered some soft drinks and some food that Hyunjin probably couldn't pronounce; something about Antipasto Cup Canapés, or something. All he knew was, they were delicious, and they were on Changbin. He even offered to pay for the rest of his family, too. Hyunjin wondered if he’d been saving up just for this occasion. 

He honestly thought guys like this were a myth…

It wasn't long before the questions started, as they lingered on their table; he and a Changbin on one side, and the rest of the family on the other. 

“So, how did you two meet?” his mother began, “I feel like Changbin’s been keeping this whole thing a secret!”

“Yes Mom, because I knew you’d be like this, about it,” he scoffed, laughing it off.

“Uh, well, we went to the same school. I did dance and he did music, so it just kind of worked,” Hyunjin said politely, summoning his courage. 

Changbin turned back to look at him, clearly slightly taken aback by his confidence in the story. He was trying to play it as cool as possible.

“And how long have you two been together?” Changbin’s sister added, slipping at her expresso martini, looking at him with kind eyes.

Perhaps she wasn’t quite as bad as Yeji could be.

“Just, five months? Wasn’t it?” Hyunjin responded, looking to Changbin for confirmation. They hadn’t actually worked out too many of the logistics. 

“Hyunnie, it’s been nearly six,” he laughed, and Hyunjin laughed along, pretending act as if he wasn’t internally breaking down at the pet name and Changbin’s hand suddenly appearing across his wrist.

“Oh yeah, sorry, time flies,” Hyunjin added, playfully patting at his arm back. He hoped it didn’t look quite as awkward as he thought it had.

“Well, I’ll never! It’s taken six months for you to introduce us, Changbin?!” his mother said, “I’m surprised at you!”

“Well, I just—I wanted to make sure we were, something, serious, you know?” he looked back, "before we made it official."

Oh god.

Hyunjin’s heart swelled, panic starting to set in.

Of course Changbin would be the time to be looking for something long-term and official. 

He swallowed down a gulp of his cola, near enough gasping for air afterwards. 

“Oh darling. I’m just joking, I know you’ve had a lot on your plate, we all have,” his mother responded, placing a reassuring hand to the back of her own mother’s back, rubbing affirmations across it.

It felt strange, being involved in such a tender family moment, but he rather enjoyed the gentle smile Changbin was wearing at the sight. 

★✧★

They walked through to join the queue to the disabled area to settle his grandma in first, his mother and sister taking the two carers spaces and he and Changbin sitting on the row in front.

He couldn’t exactly complain, getting to see a performance of Swan Lake was definitely on his bucket list, and to do it with Changbin felt otherworldly. The theatre was gorgeous, all stone arching and heavy velvet curtains throughout, the whole place smelling like turpentine and aged wood. 

He felt the warmth of Changbin’s palm, reassuringly placed against his kneecap and tried to keep his composure.

It was fine; this was totally fine.

Just an attractive guy, a year older, sitting next to you, at one of the most expensive theatre dates he’d never been on, with said attractive guys entire family...

This was, fine.

”It’s going well,” Changbin muttered, a little too closely to his ear. “You’re a good actor, I should’ve known from when I used to see you perform.”

As the curtain went up, Hyunjin thanked the gods that he could finally sink a little lower in his chair. Changbin removed his hand and they focused near enough entirely on the performance for the remainder of the first act.

He settled into the grandiose costumes and set, occasionally just glancing over to see Changbin’s reactions to some of the more impressive dances, not that they weren’t all impressive, and he seemed pretty enthralled. He assumed Changbin wouldn’t be into the arts of any kind, but he figured since he was a music student, there had to be some common ground.

Mostly, all he could think about, was the profile of his lips.

Get a grip, he reminded himself. He was sitting in one of the most beautiful venues of his entire life, watching a royal company performance. 

Throughout the rest of the night, he simply enjoyed the ballet, watching in awe as the dancers finessed around the stage in beautiful embellished costume. He heard the crowds little whispers and gasps, the female lead carrying out a perfect pass de chat followed by a beautiful arabesque.

Changbin's own mouth fell open at the Odile's 32 fouettes, and the entire audience erupted in applause as the dancer smiled on, happy with the outcome. Hyunjin had never felt so alive, he couldn't even believe he was sitting here as he found himself almost rising to his feet every now and then through suspense and amazement.

Suddenly, he felt Changbin's hand come down to a casual resting point on his kneecap again, but this time it felt a little higher, more of his thigh. He could feel the heat burning just from just his palm.

"Isn't this amazing?" he whispered, leaning towards him, before he immediately hushed himself. The hand stayed in place, and Hyunjin became hyper-aware of it for the whole of the second act.

It had been a while since he’d been this close to having a date with anyone in years, so physical contact didn't even cross his mind most of the time.

Of course he'd pretend to give you physical contact; he's supposed to be your boyfriend, he thought. Though saying that, the lights were down, and there was no one to even pretend around. Hyunjin considered maybe he'd gone all Stanislavski, getting a little too far into character. 

During the interval, they all chatted about the performances, their favourite parts whilst Changbin's mom escorted his grandma to the rest rooms. Changbin’s sister was pretty keen on ballet, as it turned out, having had done ballet herself, inspired by her mother and grandma. They actually had quite a lot of common ground, so he made easy conversation with her. 

He quickly peered down at his phone, turning it on just for the interval to stifle the ever-so-slight awkwardness, and when it lit up, his phone immediately buzzed, it was a message from... Changbin.

Changbin [8:27pm]

Is it okay if I hold your hand on the walk out of here?

Just checking

You [8:29pm]

Of course, we’ve been together nearly six months!

I’d be offended if you didn’t!

He saw Changbin smiling, as he tried to read the message inconspicuously from next to him. 

★✧★

After the performance had ended and the dancers had taken their final bows, Changbin had taken his hand and escorted him out of the venue, swirling through a barrage of well-dressed onlookers all murmuring and chatting about how great the show was, as they exited.

Hyunjin had planned on getting the train back, the time already dwindling on and the sky blackened through how late it was.

He’d have to endure another train ride home, but this time, on his own. It wasn't the worst thing, at least he could spend a little time re-energising himself after the theatrics of the night, but he was slightly bitter about not having any extra time to spend with Changbin. 

They both walked through the exit, bracing against the cold air and his family following closely behind. Changbin immediately pulled his jacket off for him, before Hyunjin could even put his blazer back on. He was just, that kind of guy.

”Where aboutst are you, Hyunjin?” Changbin’s sister asked.

”Oh, I’m just near Labetdeo street, near the main shopping block,” he replied.

”Oh my gosh that’s so close to ours, we have to drop you off, right mom?”

”Honestly, it’s fine!” he replied, waving his hands out in front of him, “I don’t mind getting the train.”

”Nonsense, baby,” Changbin suddenly perked up, gripping his arm, “come on, mom has plenty of room.” 

Baby.

He was sure he’d heard that right...

Oh god.

Changbin tugged him down the stonework steps, and they headed towards the direction of the parking lot.

They came to his mom's car, and all piled in, loading the wheelchair first, then the rest of them, the buzz of the night finally settling. Changbin had offered to sit in the front, but his sister insisted that they sit in the back seats together. 

As they pulled up to near Hyunjin's on Labetdeo street, Changbin immediately stepped out of the car too, placing his hands in his pockets as he walked him towards his front door, out of sight of the car.

They said their goodbyes, rather awkwardly considering how close they'd been all night, but Hyunjin figured that was just what being 'fake boyfriends' entailed. 

He headed up his steps, Changbin watching him from the path, before he stopped, summoning as much courage as he could. He turned around suddenly, nails pressing into his palms. 

“Changbin, before you go. Can I ask you a favour?”

He turned around in tandem, a slightly puzzled expression on his face.

“Sure.”

“You don't have to say yes. It’s kinda weird…”

“Nothing weirder than you pretending to be my boyfriend, for me.”

“Actually, it’s kinda... About that.” Hyunjin grumbled, rubbing at the back of his nape. “You see, my sister has a dance competition next Saturday and I kind of told her...”

“That, your boyfriend would come?” Changbin finished, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Oh god... I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—It’s just, she saw the suit and I’ve been single a while and she’s kind of a little shit so she got under my skin and I just panicked... Then she told my Mom and then my Mom was excited to meet him and— and just... I’m sorry.”

He blathered on, bowing and apologising over and over, until Changbin placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s fine, Hyunjin. I’d be happy to be your fake boyfriend for the second time. Consider it me paying you back for the first time!” Changbin chuckled, his warm smile settling Hyunjin's nerves. 

“Okay and... Maybe, my Mom has invited you round for dinner, beforehand...”

“Oh, okay. I mean, that’s no worse than my family grilling you before the theatre, right?”

“Okay but, just so you know, my family are a little more... Let’s say, intrusive, than yours.”

“Intrusive?”

“—Nosey, they’re nosey.”

Understatement of the century, Hyunjin thought. 

“Ah. So, I’ll have to study up on my Hyunjinology a bit more? I’m already struggling to retain what I already know.”

”Well, better get started, then.”

★✧★

Hyunjin loved waking up every day and to a text message or voice note from a Changbin, it gave him something to look forward to through the mundanity. 

Changbin would text him as he woke up, offering up a new piece of information to solidify the basis of their fake relationship. Information such as:

Changbin [8:34am]

so when i was 8, i got lost in a bathroom store

and they found me six hours later in an empty hot tub

turns out i'd gotten really hungry and had a tantrum and fell asleep in it

You [8:36am]

that's great changbin but

when would that ever come up in conversation? 

It made him smile, whenever he'd see his name appear in that little notification bubble, butterflies fluttering around in his gut. He often found himself curled up in his bed, rolling around like a schoolkid with a crush some mornings - Actually, that’s pretty much exactly what he was.

The following Friday, Hyunjin noticed Changbin slip in through the front door of the store whilst he was on shift. It was busy, and there was a considerable line, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than Changbin in a sleeveless white tank, loosely hanging under his armpits.

He was sure he undercharged the man in the queue, but it wasn’t like he really cared that much.

Changbin waited for the line to run down, before perching over the counter to buy some snacks, leaning over it so much that his chest was almost exposed. 

“Hey, you,” he said, smiling brightly.

“Hey Changbin. How’s your grandma?” he asked, searching for something to say to distract him. 

“She’s good, feeling a bit worse for wear after the other night so she’s resting. How’s my fake boyfriend doing, this afternoon?

Hyunjin scoffed, shaking his head, hoping that his flush wasn’t obvious.

“He’s overworked and underpaid, how is mine?”

“Pretty good, got off work a little earlier, decided to study up on my Hyunjinology for my trip to the in-laws tomorrow.”

“Oh stop...” Hyunjin said, failing to hide the tiny smile that slipped through. 

“Do I get friends and family discount, now?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Changbin, not even my actual friends and family get discount...”

It was like this, every time he came in. He couldn’t pretend like it didn’t feel good, finally having someone to talk to after most of his friends left for college.

He still spoke to Felix and Jeongin nearly every day, and Seungmin on and off throughout the week, but having someone there physically felt different, more comforting. 

He’d tried to play it coy for a little while, trying to distance himself from his feelings, but they were growingly exponentially, every time Changbin stopped by his store or sent him a link to a flash mob or ferret video on YouTube.

As if their strange pseudo relationship wasn’t confusing enough, a handsome stranger walked in through the door, Changbin immediately taking notice. 

He was fairly broad, too, overwhelmingly handsome with a chiselled jaw and a sleek nose slope, hair pushed off of his face in the centre to reveal his forehead. He was wearing a casual cardigan, and a hat tilted off to the side.

It went quiet again, Changbin watching him walk through the first aisle with a keen eye.

Hyunjin couldn’t actually be jealous of Changbin ogling this guy?

They weren’t even really together.

”Well, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes,” Changbin suddenly said, voice loud enough to garner the other man’s attention.

”Changbin?!”

”Minho!”

The man trundled over, and the realisation hit that Changbin wasn’t checking this guy out, he actually knew him. 

In fact, Hyunjin realised that he knew him too.

It was Lee Minho, one of their high school’s known ‘it boys’, captain of the street dance team, the year above him. Hyunjin knew he was studying just a little way out of Seoul, still touring with the same troupe.

Of course Changbin was friends with someone as attractive and successful as him...

”What’re you doing here?!” Changbin said excitedly, accepting his hand and pulling him in for a half hug. 

“Uh, it’s a convenience store?” Minho responded, before Changbin cocked an eyebrow at him, “I’m cat-sitting whilst my Mom’s visiting some distant relatives, or something. Something about some old dude that's gonna die and leave her money, blah blah.”

”Well, I'm sorry for your loss?!" Changbin chuckled, "nice to see you, man."

“Likewise. Hey, Bin, you going to Channie’s next Friday night?”

“Ah, I wasn’t sure, might just blow it off."

”That’s the spirit,” Minho replied, with a wink.

“Not like that, moron,” Changbin laughed, punching him in the arm. 

Hyunjin shied away, trying to back himself behind the counter and look busy, but it wasn’t long before Changbin was engaging him.

“Hyunjin, this is Minho, he was my year at school.”

“Oh, hey there,” Hyunjin responded, nodding. 

“Oh, hey. Yeah, I think I recognise you from dance? How’d you know each other?”

“Just from here, really,” Changbin said. 

“Awesome. Anyway, I should buy this cat food and get out of here, but text me if you’re coming. Channie said feel free to bring a plus one..." 

He looked between them, and Changbin chuckled, rolling his eyes. 

★✧★

'Saturday with the in-laws' came around much quicker than Hyunjin anticipated. It was like he’d blinked and 24 hours had passed.

He’d readied himself for any quick fire questions his family might ask, the night before, playing twenty questions with Changbin over text.

He’d slipped into some plain, loose fitting light-wash jeans and a white shirt, with a long beige cardigan over top, nothing too overzealous for a casual family night and a trip to the high school…

Though, he definitely had snuck in and used some of Yeji’s peach mist from her room to douse himself before Changbin arrived, after hearing it was his favourite fruit…

“Hey, Jackass, what you smiling about?” Yeji snorted from the other couch, looking up from her phone, “trying to trawling through the internet to find a make believe boyfriend?”

“Whatever, Yeji. Don’t you have community service to do, or something?” Hyunjin snapped back. 

“Well, I’m gonna go and get prettied up for my leading role, can’t wait to meet ‘him’” she said, gesturing bunny ear emphasis marks with her fingers. “Can’t wait for him to have to ‘cancel short notice’.”

She stuck her tongue out playfully, disappearing up the stairs to change out of her dressing gown and Hyunjin simply rolled his eyes. 

He wasn’t trawling through the internet to find a make believe boyfriend... That would be ludicrous. In fact, his make believe boyfriend had found him, actually.

He looked across to his Mom, preparing the dinner for this evening, way too excited for Hyunjin to bring back his first boyfriend. He should probably feel some semblance of shame that the first person he’d invited here was actually not even his real boyfriend, but hey, at least Changbin was attractive.

He’d get over his burning sense of shame, eventually.

The doorbell suddenly rang, and Hyunjin nearly jumped out of his seat.

“He’s here!” he shouted, almost instinctively, before looking around at the surprise in his parent’s faces. “S-sorry, I just haven’t seen him in a while, that’s all. Just excited.”

He bounded across, pulling the latch down, and perfectly on time (this time), stood Changbin. He looked up from under his bangs, pushed a little away from his face, and Hyunjin felt suddenly winded.

“Hey, Hyunnie,” he answered, with a sweet smile across his face. At that moment, Hyunjin was sure he’d forgotten how to speak. That was, until Changbin’s eyes widened, his head flicking forward to encourage Hyunjin to say something.

“Hey, Bi-by,” he scrambled.

Oh god.

He’d gone for ‘baby’, but thought it was too much, trying to trace back and default to ‘Bin’.

Oh god, this was the worst start.

Changbin shook it off, reaching for his hand and giving it a little squeeze, before suddenly pulling him into a hug, his hands sliding around Hyunjin's waist and pulling him in tightly.

"Mmm, you smell good," he hummed quietly, a little too close to Hyunjin's ear for his own sanity. 

As they pulled apart, Changbin wandered through, taking his shoes off and wading across the open space of the hallway, into the living area. 

“Good evening, Mr and Mrs Hwang. Nice to meet you,” he said, looking around the room, “Wow, Hyunjin, you have such a beautiful home.”

Changbin was so smooth, so smooth he couldn’t stand it.

Everything he said was like torture, the way he slunk around the room and immediately demanded all of his brain cells.

He shook his Dad’s hand, and his Dad had even commented on what an impressive grip he had. Changbin’s biceps were as big as Hyunjin’s head, so he wasn’t exactly surprised.

They piled across to the living space for a moment and sank into the couch cushions, Changbin perching next to him and giving him a reassuring nod, placing a hand over his. It was the perfect amount of sweetness to feel just believable.

Changbin and his Dad started getting to know each other, talking about cars, of all things. Hyunjin just nodded and went along with it, feigning that he knew anything about automobiles, just simply admiring the fact that they had some common ground.

Without an ounce of subtly, Yeji came bounding back down the stairs again, dressed in her performance outfit - a black, sparkling two piece with her dance shoes hooked over her fingers. She slung them down to the bottom of the stairs, bringing her hands to her hair to try and pull it up into a pony tail, turning around.

“Mom, have you seen my hair donut? I’m out of bobby pi—“

She turned around, and Changbin gave her a confident wave, her face falling immediately at the sight of him.

Hyunjin 1, Yeji 0.

It felt so good to win, for once.

“Hi, I’m Changbin,” he said, with a wave.

“I’m—Ye—“

“Changbin, this is Yeji, my little sister, queen of barging into my room.”

“Nice to meet you,” he laughed.

★✧★

When his Mom eventually called them through for dinner, the smell of cheese and garlic was wafting through. When it was served, Hyunjin was keen to see his Mom’s carbonara sitting in a large, communal bowl in the centre of the table. Her cooking was always amazing and homely, nothing too fancy, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but hope that Changbin agreed.

He almost couldn’t believe he wanted his parents approval of his fake boyfriend...

They all stood around the table as it was served up, and Changbin instinctively put a hand behind his back, rubbing a circle over his shoulder blades before they wandered into the kitchen.

“This smells amazing, Mrs Hwang,” he said, bowing to her before graciously pulling out a chair, for Hyunjin.

“Yeji, sit on the other side tonight so your brother can sit with Changbin,” his mom said, and Hyunjin felt his ego jump through the roof.

It was 5:30pm by the time they sat down to eat, and they had two hours until Yeji’s presentation. Luckily, they were getting through it well, completely unscathed, until the grilling started...

“So, Changbin,” Yeji said, with a slight flex to her tone, “how comes I haven’t heard about you?”

“Yeji...” Hyunjin warned with his eyes, staring her down from across the table.

“I’m serious! I just wanna know, if you’ve been together six months I felt like I would’ve seen you around...”

Changbin looked to him, but he didn’t falter. He kept his composure perfectly.

“Well, after school let up quite a few of my friends went on to college, so I’m was up and down the country a lot because I visit them. Plus, I work at a music studio full time so—“

“What kind of stuff?” She asked, her stare unflinching.

“Oh, just like, production music, sound effects, that kind of thing. I really like working on songs though. I hope I can release my own someday.”

“Have you written one for Hyunjin?” she asked.

“Yeji! Will you stop?!” Hyunjin groaned, squeezing his cutlery in his palms.

“I’m just asking!”

“I mean, Hyunjin’s great so I’m sure I could piece a song together for him,” Changbin laughed, placing his palm over Hyunjin’s hand, the one that was holding the knife so tightly he could have bent the metal with his grip alone...

“So, Changbin, what do you expect to do, moving forward then?” his mom asked, changing the subject.

“Oh, well, I think, just keep doing what I’m doing until something bigger comes along. I’m quite happy being here, plus, it’s close to Hyunjin, so—“ He turned back to look at him, Hyunjin trying to hide a shy smile, that felt all too real.

“Gross,” Yeji muttered, under her breath.

“Well, that’s good, at least you’re enjoying working life, Changbin,” Hyunjin’s father said, holding his glass up to initiate a toast. “And unlike Yeji, Hyunjin has brought home someone well-adjusted, and not fresh out of jail, so I’ll drink to that.”

“Whatever.”

They all toasted to the family event, and dinner went perfectly smoothly, Changbin taking the lead in a lot of the conversation.

Afterwards, they had around twenty minutes for ‘a house tour’; Hyunjin’s mom highlighting every baby photo of him, every swimming medal, every dancing competition trophy... He may have left dance behind, but he was still happy with what he’d achieved, so far. Still, it was pretty mortifying. 

He was so bored of listening to his mom drone on about the family’s achievements, that he gripped Changbin by the wrist, rolling his eyes and tugging him towards the direction of the stairs. 

“Come on, Bin. I’m gonna freshen up before we have to leave...”

”Door open, please!” his mom shouted after them as they ambled up, and Hyunjin was sure the ground could have swallowed him. 

“Mom, I’m nineteen!” he shouted in annoyance, pushing a sniggering Changbin forward with both hands on the back of his shoulders. 

He hoisted him up the stairs, Changbin laughing the entire way. He wanted to stay annoyed, but the sound of his giggling broke his character, and Hyunjin found himself laughing along, too.

They came to Hyunjin’s room, and he pressed the handle down, pressing into the space and leaving the door just a smidgen open.

Changbin looked around Hyunjin’s room, in awe. Staring at all the family photos, the little trinkets and drawings he had strewn across his desk. The smaller beechwood bookshelves were filled with script books and novels, a few mangas in between.

There were more trophy’s in here, but mostly it was images and collages of photos with his friends. He’d tidied up a little before Changbin got here, but tried to make it look ‘lived in’. He didn’t want to make it too obvious that he was trying...

“Wow, you’re so tidy. I should’ve known by how expertly you stack newspapers,” Changbin tittered, pushing aside up some of the drawings on his desk, revealing some recently developed polaroids.

“Oh ha, ha. Very funny.”

“Who’s this?” Changbin asked, peeling a photograph of him and his friend Jisung out of the pile, Hyunjin pulling a face and Jisung with his wide heart-shaped grin when they were last at the amusement park.

“Oh, that's my real boyfriend,” Hyunjin replied, casually.

“What?!” Changbin shouted, turning around immediately. 

“I’m kidding,” Hyunjin scoffed, “obviously... I don’t think my parents would be particularly happy about me having two boyfriends.”

Hyunjin dropped down against his bed, allowing Changbin to wander freely. It wasn’t like he had anything to hide, plus, he just wanted a moment of comfort, just to breathe for a little while.

“Well, it did cross my mind when I asked you that you might have already had someone, to be honest,” Changbin replied, neatly tucking the photo back into the pile as he wandered around, his hands sliding into his pockets again.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, at school, everyone would talk about how good looking you were, and stuff, even in my year.”

Hyunjin cocked his head, eyes fixated on the back of Changbin’s as he pried.

“Really?”

“Come on, don’t play dumb,” Changbin joked, turning back around to lock their eyes together.

“I’m not! I didn’t have a single admirer throughout the entirety of high school. It was honestly my sister that all all of the attention.”

“I find that hard to believe. You’re a catch,” Changbin replied casually, slipping down into his computer chair at the other side. He started spinning himself back and forth with his foot, and Hyunjin thought that if it were Yeji he'd be annoyed by it, but since it was Changbin, draped over the chair in a straddling position, he'd let it slide... 

“Y-you barely even know me,” Hyunjin stuttered, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“What are you talking about? You’re my boyfriend? Of course I know you.”

God, Hyunjin wished he wouldn’t do that.

Changbin stared him down, so far down that it felt like he was going to evaporate into thin air. He knew Changbin was confident, but it was the way that his gaze always lingered a little too long.

Hyunjin would always have to try and play it cool, shaking it off like it was all a joke, but internally he was despairing; knowing that someone, some day would actually hear those words, and it wouldn’t be him.

“Say, wanna have a little fun?” Changbin asked, suddenly pushing himself forward in the chair, sliding across the laminate.

“I’m gonna guess you’re not gonna say sudoku...?” Hyunjin responded dryly.

“You said your sister always barges in your room, right? Well, how about we give her something to barge in on?”

Hyunjin felt the blush transcend his cheeks, this time, it was totally unmistakable.

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“Makes it more realistic though, right? Considering she’s suspicious?” Changbin challenged, wiggling his brows.

Hyunjin didn’t even have a chance to respond before Changbin pressed him backwards, with the pads of his fingers; not forcingly, but with enough enthusiasm that Hyunjin had no choice but to allow it. With enough strength that his back was pressed firmly against the bedding.

Without another word, Changbin joined, piling over him, entrapping him underneath. He was laughing the entire time, but Hyunjin was finding it difficult to see the funny side when he felt like he was about to actually catch on fire. He felt the weight trapping him down, the sight of Changbin’s thick, broad chest in front of him.

His hands were pressed backwards next to his head, and Changbin leant down towards him. They were so close, that Hyunjin could feel the warmth of his breath tickling his nose.

“Wait, are you gonna actually—What?” Hyunjin murmured, trying to clarify what was happening. He wouldn’t be opposed to kissing Changbin, but having his emotions laid out to dry for the sake of tricking his sister would probably cut a little deeper than he’d like.

“No, no, no, Hyunjin, it’s just—just your neck, or something,” he chuckled, as he started nuzzling at the space just under his chin, "just acting." 

He wasn’t kissing him, he was simply running his nose across the stretch of skin to simulate something spicier, but for Hyunjin, it was enough to leave him marginally terrified that his body might just 'react'.

Think about things you don’t like.

Think about that wrinkly, nasty pensioner at the store who never brings bags, and always buys two books of 1st class stamps... Why does he even do that? Who needs that many stamps?

Changbin moved around a little, before he suddenly started moaning against his neck. It was so close to his ear, that it sent a shiver down his spine.

“Changbin?!” he stage-whispered, “you’re being so lo-loud!”

“Isn’t that the point?” he laughed, looking back up to him.

“I mean?!”

Hyunjin gritted his teeth together, trying to pretend like just the feeling of Changbin groaning against the shell of his ear wasn’t in any way sexy, and it was in fact, just a ploy; it was all just fun and games.

It’s not real, it’s not real, he’d tell himself, trying to calm his body down throughout their proximities.

Suddenly, a voice barrelled from across the hallway.

“Hyunjin, we need to go, you’re gonna make me late!”

As if perfectly on cue, Yeji burst in through the door, swinging it wide open, until her face totally dropped.

Changbin pulled himself back, looking around over his shoulder, pretending to scramble off of him to the side, face like a deer in headlights.

“Oh my god!” she screamed, slamming the door behind her, “geez, the door wasn’t even shut!”

“I told you to knock!” Hyunjin shouted after her, joining in with the game that Changbin was playing, both of them bursting into giggles afterwards.

Changbin's hand found a comfortable resting place against his chest, as the laughter dissipated, teetering off into tiny little scoffs. He dabbed the corner of his eyes with his other hand, glittering from tears.

“That was good... You seemed into it,” Changbin joked menacingly, turning to look down at him.

“Well, you did say I was a good actor, right?”

“Absolutely.”

★✧★

The atmosphere inside the car was palpable. Yeji had a look on her face that seemed like she’d seen the afterlife, his Dad was jabbering on about fuel consumption and it’s effect on the atmosphere, and his Mom was nodding along, trying to re-do her lipstick in the fold down mirror, smearing it a little whenever they went over a speed bump.

Changbin couldn’t help but let out a little titter every now and then, through the awkwardness. He let his hand settle on Hyunjin’s knee, but this time, he’d come to expect it. He’d come to enjoy it, actually.

He confidently placed his hand overtop, and he saw Changbin look towards him. He knew it was in confusion, but he masked it well, smiling at him from his seat.

Yeji grimaced again, moaning about how long it was taking to get there.

She was the first one to pile out of the car, as soon as they arrived at the parking lot of the high school, bounding immediately towards the gymnasium entrance, trying not to be seen with any of them. 

The performances were in the high schools auditorium, hundreds of bodies pressed into the plastic, fold up chairs that would spring back if you got up.

The energy was honestly amazing, all of the family members and panellists murmuring filling the room.

“Don’t you think Hyunjin would look pretty great, up there?” Changbin asked his mom, turning around in his chair and making small talk. “He’s so talented.”

“See, Hyunjin! Everyone thought you were talented, you shouldn’t have dropped out!”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Mom,” he responded, with a groan.

Changbin faltered for just a moment, enough for Hyunjin to notice it, but he shrugged it off.

“Changbin!” a voice suddenly came, and Hyunjin glanced across the other set of gym stairs to see a curly blonde man walking over to him.

“Chan?!” Changbin responded, immediately standing to attention.

“Yeah, hey man!”

The curly blonde started wading through their set of chairs.

“What are you doing here?!”

They launched themselves into each others' arms, Chan patting his back hard enough that Hyunjin could hear the slam of his palm. 

“Good to see you, man!" the man responded. "My sister’s performing in this so I travelled down with Minho for a night as his mom got back! What’re you doing here!?”

Hyunjin tried to swallow down some air. The other guy was so loud, he'd clearly gotten his parent's attention. 

“Uh, my boyfriend's sister, is—She’s performing here, too.”

“Your what?!” the guy said, taken aback, immediately looking over to him. 

Hyunjin felt suddenly sick, his stomach startling to rattle inside of him, and he was sure it wasn’t the carbonara.

“Yeah! Are you feeling okay Channie? Short term memory loss? Remember, Hyunjin?” Changbin’s eyes widened in horror, flicking them to the side to feature towards Hyunjin’s parents. It seemed like the other man got it, playing along. 

"Oh, yeah, Hyunjin. How's it going?" he asked. He was a terrible actor, and Hyunjin felt like a part of him had died on the inside.

"Great thanks, Chan," he responded. 

“I forgot you said you had a sister, weird coincidence that they’re both here, huh?” Changbin laughed. 

"Totally... Anyway, I'm gonna... I'm gonna leave you two love birds alone," Chan said, before his expression turned to a mischievous grin. He glanced across behind, “nice to meet you, Hyunjin’s parents.”

His mom waved along, thinking he was one of Hyunjin’s friends. 

“Guess I’ll see you two at my house on Friday? So nice of you guys to come up and see me,” he finished, winking at Changbin as he walked back across to the other steps, where Minho was waving at them like a crazy person.

“I am gonna owe him so many drinks, I can tell…” Changbin said, slipping back down into his own chair. 

“That was a close one,” Hyunjin whispered,

“Maybe we should amp it up a little?”

“Amp what up?”

Before Hyunjin could say anything else, Changbin gripped his hand, interlocking their fingers together.

“This okay?”

”Of course.”

The presentation went by pretty swiftly, and Hyunjin actually enjoyed watching all of the dance teams that participated.

No matter how much he and his sister argued, he still loved her dearly, and he was pretty proud of what she’d actually achieved in her dance troupe. It was almost like he'd been living vicariously through her, when he saw her performing. 

They’d advanced to what he would consider a pro level, and they'd definitely head to Nationals. He’d wished he’d found the same path, but he was still happy for her, nonetheless.

Yeji’s troupe far outperformed the rest of them, and unsurprisingly, they won, progressing to the next round.

The drive home was cosier, both of them feeling kind of sleepy after the performance, stomachs full and voices shattered from screaming so loudly for each team.

Usually, Changbin would message him, asking him if it were okay to touch his leg, or if it was okay to stroke his hair, but considering what happened earlier in the bedroom, all of those rules seemingly went out of the window.

Changbin’s fingers slid from his kneecap, to his hand. This time, he pushed his fingers in between Hyunjin’s, interlocking them again like at the auditorium, as he dozed. He was nearly falling asleep, and Hyunjin thought that to any external eyes, this would definitely look legitimate.

He panned around the back of his mom’s mini van. They were sitting directly opposite Yeji, but she was fast asleep.

So, why was he holding his hand, if there was no one to convince?

★✧★

It played on his mind.

Of course it played on his mind.

And as his Dad dropped Changbin off outside his own house, he gave the two of them a ‘moment to say goodbye’ outside or the car.

He wandered out of his side into the darkness, wrapping his arms around himself, bracing his chest against the cool air. 

“Thanks, for everything, tonight,” Hyunjin said, “my family seem to like you.”

“Hey, what are fake boyfriends for, huh?” Changbin chuckled.

Suddenly Hyunjin’s heart hurt, and he knew why.

This was their last planned 'event' together, and now Hyunjin would have to say goodbye, only occasionally seeing him at the shop for quick glances and too-fast goodbyes. 

“Yeah. Well, my sister seemed pretty impressed that I’d managed to find someone like you.”

“Like me?”

Hyunjin puffed out his cheeks and opened his arms out wide, holding them beside him to mime someone stocky, and Changbin laughed. It probably looked ridiculous, but Hyunjin was dopey and spent, the night drawing to a close but him not entirely wanting it to.

“Should we, should we like, pretend to kiss?” Changbin laughed, gesturing back to the car, his parents both staring at them and Yeji facing away on the other side tapping on her phone. 

“Wow, that’s not awkward at all,” Hyunjin groaned.

“What are you, a kid?” Changbin laughed.

“N-no, thank you. It’s just, most people our age don’t have their parents watching them from the window...”

“Well, most people our age don’t tend to have to have fake boyfriends either, but here we are...”

Hyunjin sighed, as Changbin suddenly cupped the side of his face, pulling his gaze back again. He leant in, turning his head slightly to the side to cover them from his parents angle, puckering his lips.

Hyunjin’s heartrate accelerated, watching the same lips he’d been pining over coming closer to his own, he was sure he might have even moistened his lips.

Changbin came impossibly close, so close that anyone else would have thought they actually were kissing.

But, they weren’t.

After that, he drew Hyunjin into his arms, gripping tightly at his waist and letting his head fall over his shoulder, and Hyunjin squeezed, probably harder than he should've. 

“Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

“G-goodnight. I guess—I’ll see you around the store?”

“Totally, always got time for a half pan."

Changbin headed up the path to his front door, dragging his feet along the cobbles before he came to his veranda.

“Changbin!” Hyunjin shouted.

“Yeah?” Changbin asked, halting in position and turning back to him.

"Just... Actually, never mind, it's nothing."

There was an awkward silence as Hyunjin swallowed his words down, terrified of being rejected by the guy he’d been doting over— 

"Say, Hyunjin, do you wanna come to my friends' party on Friday? Not as fake boyfriends or whatever, just, I like hanging out with you. I’ll drive?”

★✧★

He'd never been to a party with people he didn't really know.

Most of his parties consisted of drinking wine coolers with Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin. This, was a whole new ballgame.

It wasn't like he was sheltered, he'd gotten drunk plenty of times, made out with a few people in a hot tub, but internally he was terrified that he'd drink too much and end up embarrassing himself in front of Changbin.

He just had to make sure he didn't drink too much, that was all; which was definitely easier said than done at a dorm party.

"What the hell are you doing?!" a voice came from outside of the bathroom, accompanied with a loud thumping on the door, "you've been in there ages Hyunjin, hurry up!"

It was Yeji, growing impatient that he’d been trying to make himself look somewhat presentable for the last thirty minutes. She was going to another house party tonight, Hyunjin assumed. 

"I'm getting ready!" Hyunjin replied to her, trying to tap in the concealer he'd applied too thickly under his eyes. 

He sighed, pushing his hands through his hair and checking the damage, spritzing himself with whatever mist was in the bathroom, before he finally unlocked the door. 

Yeji was standing outside with two rollers on either side of her face, curling her bangs. Her face immediately dropped at the sight of him.

"What the hell do you look like?" she asked with a cocked brow.

"What? Is it bad?" Hyunjin replied, a whiny tone as he looked back towards the mirror in annoyance.

"Is it bad? You look like a ghost..."

"Well, I don't know! I don't really wear makeup,” he groaned, throwing his head back. 

"Look, let me finish my hair and then come to my lab, jackass," she replied, rolling her eyes.

★✧★

"Look, this part has to be darker, it accentuates your jaw, see?" she said, pulling back to admire her work, fluffy buffing brush in hand. She held her hand mirror out in front of him, tilting it so he could see himself. 

"Wow, this is- this looks good?" he said, looking at himself from different angles.

"You sound surprised?" she scoffed.

"Well, I thought you might, like, draw all over my face, or something," he retorted. 

"Why would I do that?"

He shrugged, allowing her to yank his head around again as he'd moved, wiping the foundation from the edge of his lips. As he he looked at her, he noticed a shift in her expression.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had a boyfriend?" she asked, suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Like, why did you keep it from me?"

Hyunjin tried to think back to what Changbin had said, something about waiting for the right time… 

"Yej... We just, wanted to make sure it was something official, that's all. You know I don’t date much.”

"But I'm your sister... I tell you about all the guys I date..." she said, dejected, tapping his lips with a dab of balm on her ring finger. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure."

"It's okay. I like him though, you're…” she exhaled, closing her eyes dramatically, “you’re good together…”

Hyunjin turned around to look at her, his face rising in shock before she placed her hands either side of his head and abruptly turned his jaw back to face the mirror with a smirk on her face.

”Don’t you dare tell anyone I was nice to you.”

"Thanks Yej, and... Thanks for this, too."

They smiled at each other in the reflection, an unspoken appreciation between them.

"Hyunjin, Changbin's here!" his mother’s voice came from downstairs. 

Hyunjin immediately launched himself up, and ambled over to the window, noticing the older man leaning against his black car, denim jacket illuminated by the nearby streetlamp.

He peered up just as Hyunjin looked out of the window, noticing him and waving with a two finger salute.

Oh god, he looked so good, his undercut trimmed in a little deeper and his skin-tight black jeans… 

"Okay, how do I look?" Hyunjin asked, exhaling through his nerves. 

Yeji simply smiled, opening her door and gesturing for him to get out.

"I've already complimented you once, I won't do it again..." she said, with a wink. 

Hyunjin near enough ran down the stairs, pulling his slip-on vans on, grabbing his satchel and shoving a brown cardigan over his shoulders. 

“Have fun, sweetheart!” he mom called from the kitchen, before he slipped out of the door and patted himself down. 

“Well, well, if it isn’t my ‘boyfriend'… You’re late,” Changbin said, his arms wrapped over his chest. 

“Firstly, you’re always late,” Hyunjin replied, “and secondly, I thought we were hanging out as friends today, not as fake boyfriends,” he replied, sticking his tongue out. 

He piled himself into the front passenger seat, swinging his bag over into the back and strapping himself in. 

"This is gonna be fun. I should just pre-warn you though, some of the guys are… A lot,” Changbin scoffed, pulling his own belt across. 

“What, and you think I can’t handle it?”

★✧★

"Down in one! Down in one!" A booming voice came from the kitchen, Chan pouring a pint of something down Minho's throat, through some kind of makeshift tube as his hands were strapped behind his back.

Hyunjin looked on, almost in awe at how out of control the party already was, at only 9:00pm. The music was so loud he felt like his eardrums were vibrating beyond normal limits, and there there were drunk girls falling all across the countertops, giggling to themselves about how attractive Minho was. 

The entire dorm was swimming with people, and Hyunjin found himself teetering around the edges of the kitchen, trying to keep with Changbin as best he could. 

"Hey! Changbin!" Minho said, wiping his mouth with the inside of his arm, "time for the execution chair!"

"The what, chair?" Hyunjin asked under his breath.

"It's where you sit in the chair, and everyone's allowed to pour whatever they want into that jug, and then you have to drink it,” Changbin replied. 

"That sounds... Horrific."

"Welcome to the dorm," Chan said brightly, immediately pulling Changbin into the biggest bear hug he'd ever seen, squeezing the air out of his lungs.

"Chan—You're going to—Break me," Changbin replied, as he squirmed around in his grasp. 

"Nah, big, strong dude like you?!" he laughed, before he turned his attention to Hyunjin.

"Uh, and Changbin’s ‘boyfriend’!"

"Changbin's what?!" Minho suddenly piped up, head peering over the crowd of people that had ascended the kitchen.

"No, no, it's not like that," Changbin laughed. "It's a long story, but, we're not together. It was just pretend.”

His heart dropped. He know it shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help it. 

Hyunjin nodded, smiling through his teeth, internally trying to cope with how overwhelmed his senses were, as well as Changbin verbally confirming that they were nothing more than friends. 

It hurt, for some reason; he'd almost made up the entire scenario in his head. He'd thought that maybe after spending some time together, Changbin might suddenly realise he was madly, and utterly in love with him, and whisk him away on a romantic vacation and profess his undying love for him. Obviously, it was wishful thinking. 

He put on a brave face, confidently introducing himself to Chan and Minho, the latter of which immediately pushed two drinks into their hands. 

"I can't drink tonight, man," Changbin said to Chan, his immediately dropping, "I'm driving, tonight. I have to get Hyunjin home unscathed."

"The fuck?! The Seo Changbin, not drinking?!" Minho shouted, slapping his hand down against his bicep.

"Just stay over, most people are," Chan said, "plenty of people are visiting family so it's the perfect opportunity to steal a bed."

"I don't think I'd feel right stealing someone's bed," Hyunjin said timidly.

"That's because, you're not drinking yet,” Chan responded enthusiastically, reaching for his hand, tugging him forwards towards the chair.

"Oh, no, no! I couldn't! I barely even drink that much," he said, waving his hands around in front of him, "I'd probably die if I drank that!”

"Makes for good entertainment!" Minho said, winking at him off from the side.

"Guys... Come on," Changbin said.

"He's gotta be initiated if he's gonna be here tonight!" Chan declared, picking up some kind of makeshift broom stick that had dints and welts out of it, wrapped in ribbons with a blown up condom on the end. "Arise, Sir Hyunjin, it's time for your sentencing!" he shouted, and everyone immediately surrounded their zone.

"Wait, maybe Hyunjin can have a few drinks first, and then he can try it later?!" Changbin piped up, cutting back into the circle, a tinge of fear to match his own, “it’s a little early for the chair!”

Chan titled his head to the side, remoistening his lips with his tongue. 

"It seems, Sir Hyunjin… Sir Changbin is making a bid for your spot at the throne; will you concede…?”

"Oh god, yes! Yes please," he laughed, attempting to launch himself out of the seat.

“I can’t, I’m driving!” Changbin responded, to a chorus of boo’s.

“Well, Sir Hyunjin, back in the chair!” Minho shouted. 

“We’ll stay! Won’t we Changbin!” Hyunjin replied, in utter horror. If he had to steal a bed for a night if it meant he wasn’t subjected to that, he’d have to live with it… 

“I—“

“That’s the spirit!” Chan shouted, “Sir Changbin takes to the stand!" He whisked him back across to the chair, and suddenly a chant of 'Changbin, Changbin was travelling around the room.

He knew Changbin visited Chan's dorm a lot, but he wasn't expecting so many people to actually know him.

Hyunjin watched on in terror, as Changbin took a seat in the ratty, old computer chair covered in paint from god-knows-what happened at the previous party. 

Minho folded his hands behind his back, and Chan, or 'The Executioner', suddenly lifted the drinks jug.

"Fill the vial, townspeople!" he shouted, and everyone rushed forwards towards it and started pouring whatever was left in their cups in.

Hyunjin was sure he saw a whole beer, numerous shots, a couple of mixers and something bright green thrown into the mix, too.

This was a terrible idea.

"If Sir Changbin appeases the gods, he will be in receipt of one free drink from everyone in the room, tonight!"

Another cheer carried across the room, and Hyunjin found himself scuttling backwards. He couldn't even watch...

He heard the sounds of 'chug, chug, chug' calling out, and winced through the pain, hearing Changbin coughing and spluttering around twenty seconds in.

Much to Hyunjin’s horror, and rather strange sense of feeling impressed at how well he’d handled it, Changbin managed the entire jug, aside from the bottom eighth that had poured out over his front.

“Sir Changbin rise!” Chan said, raising the makeshift staff to the sky.

“I don’t think I can… After that,” he winced, managing to bring himself to his feet. Hyunjin didn’t even want to imagine how his stomach is going to feel in the morning.

This is why Hyunjin barely drank, he was such a lightweight he was sure something that heinous would probably send him to an early grave. 

“You did not have to do that!” Hyunjin said laughing, dragging him across the kitchen, scurrying them off into a corner.

“It’s fine, Hyunjin! I didn’t want your first experience of my friends to be you throwing up. Someone like you couldn’t take that.”

“Someone like me?!” Hyunjin asked, his eyes widening. 

“Well, I mean like…”

“You think I can’t handle it?!” he scoffed. He reached for his satchel, pulling out a small bottle of spirit, a clear glass with a red label.

“Vodka?!” Changbin shouted, “well…”

“I maybe went halves with my sister…” he said, cocking a brow, before pouring an amount in, filling up the cap. “Don’t tell my mom, now, will you Binnie?”

“I wouldn’t dare. I’m a positive influence on you!” Changbin responded.

He a plastic shot glass off of the table, allowing Hyunjin to pour him one too. They shotted them together at the same time, the burn of the vodka travelling down his throat, making him shudder afterwards. 

Changbin obviously handled it fine, ever the show off, barely even wincing. 

In hindsight, drinking was a terrible idea. 

★✧★

Roll on two hours, and Hyunjin found his vision delayed, the sound of music spurring him on to try and play beer pong across a broken air hockey table. He was sure someone had convinced him that you have to drink the cups the ball doesn’t land in…

Changbin had stayed with him most of the night, half looking after him from afar, half drinking along with him as he mingled. 

He and Changbin had headed outside to the communal garden area outside the dorm for a moment, watching some of the first years carrying out horrific dares that they'd probably never let down.

Most of the time, they were mingling in the kitchen, or hanging out in the living room. It felt so comfortable, much more so than he'd ever anticipated.

He wasn't sure if it was because he'd been looking through beer goggles or if he was just particularly keen on the company.

He also wasn’t sure at which point his near-enough shirtless, interpretive dance started, all he knew was, his cardigan was long gone, thrown aside into the depths of a random bedroom to mop up a puddle of spilt tequila after a girl insisted on asking him to show her how he did his eye makeup.

He found himself jumping in time to the music with the rest of the dorm, most of the guys shirtless by this point, Changbin playing some drinking-infused card game off in his periphery and calling out to whoop and catcall at him every now and then. 

He pretty far gone, he was convinced that he looked sexy as he writhed around, enjoying the fact that Changbin would notice whenever he swirled his hips. 

Changbin was so warm, it was getting hard to believe that they weren’t even in each other’s lives before this all started. It was strange to think that he’d pined after him from afar, and now they were so comfortable with each other that he couldn’t imagine being here with anyone else. 

Minho and Chan made decent company too, but he was sure that in another version of reality, maybe they’d all be friends. 

As he swigged on another beer, he felt a warm hand around his waist, a large hand that near-enough covered the span of his abdomen, warm breath against the shell of his ear. He shuddered, as someone had pressed up against him, their built chest against his back.

"It's about time," Hyunjin responded, all too confidently, so far out of character that it shocked even himself.

As the body moved closer towards him, he realised, although they were built, they weren't ‘Changbin built’.

Changbin had a slight amount more fluff, and this person was taller than him, placing their chin against the side of his face. He realised through his stupor, that the large hand didn't belong to Changbin.

He played along, shoving his hand behind the guys neck, as he felt teeth against his lobe. He didn't even know what this guy looked like, but it was the only real attention he'd gotten all night.

"Hyunjin," a stern voice came, and it was Changbin bounding over to him through his slight double vision. "Let's just... Let's get out of here for a second, some peace and quiet," he said, gripping his wrist and attempting to tug him away from the particularly handsy guy.

"What's your problem, man?" the guy asked in annoyance, Hyunjin finally able to get a look at him. He was decent looking, and tall with a few piercings, but he didn't hold up to how attractive Changbin was.

"My problem is, my boyfriend's been drinking and you're out here attempting to take advantage of him, you fucking moron."

The murmurs of the room ceased, until only the music was playing through the tension.

Hyunjin was sure half of the conversations were about Changbin openly calling this guy out, and the other half were confused titters about that Changbin had called Hyunjin his boyfriend.

His head was spinning; only an hour or so ago he was telling Chan and Minho that they were nothing more than friends, and now he was announcing to the entire party that Hyunjin was his.

The guy held his hands up defensively, backing away at Changbin's threat, immediately conceding. Changbin took Hyunjin by the hand and lead him out of the door as they stumbled across the booze-soaked carpets.

★✧★

They made their way through to the hallway, seeing the sheer amount of passed out students all pressed up against the walls. As soon as he was out of the dizzying living room with the loud obnoxious music, he realised he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears and a high pitched whine in his left. 

Changbin walked him to a specific room, Room 16, fiddling around in his back pocket for keys. Hyunjin looking around in perplexity as he pushed the key into the lock and turned it, hearing the bolt clack.

"Where are we?" Hyunjin asked, almost whispering as if they shouldn't be here. 

"Don't worry, this is Chan's room, I have specific friend permissions," Changbin laughed. 

As soon as they wandered in, and the silence was almost deafening. The window was just slightly ajar, a cool breeze blowing inside, swaying the curtains slowly. It was sobering, and Changbin exhaled at the relief of finally being away from the sweaty bodies and trays of shot glasses that they'd be subjected to all night.

"Why are we here?" Hyunjin asked, "and why did you call me your-"

"I just... I needed a little break, you're a handful when you're drunk and I told your mom I'd look after you," he chuckled, leading him inside and shutting the door behind them. 

"When did you promise that?!" Hyunjin asked, blinking at him.

"On that first night at your house. She took me aside and asked me to look after you, because you're precious," Changbin replied, falling down against the navy blue comforter stretched over the bed. “I take those responsibilities seriously!”

“My... Mom... Oh shit, I never texted my mom and told her I was staying! Shit, it's nearly eleven, she'll be so mad!” Hyunjin said, reaching to retrieve his phone from his back pocket, stumbling over his own drunken fingers. 

"She'll be fine, she thinks you're with me."

"That's... That's true, I guess, but what if—"

Changbin placed a hand over his own, squeezing his palm and lifting his chin up to lock their eyes for a moment.

"—I'm sure we can explain everything tomorrow, Mr. 'Door Open'', Changbin teased. 

"Oh, shut up..." Hyunjin giggled, smacking him, a tight tap against the chest, before Changbin was suddenly laughing again, wandering across to sit on the edge of Chan's bed. 

"I texted you earlier, and you didn't respond," he said, leaning backwards against his palms. 

"Well, we're at the same party, couldn't you just have found me?!" Hyunjin laughed, shaking his head. 

Changbin didn't say anything, and Hyunjin stared at him dumbly until he conceded, puffing out his chest and reaching into his back pocket for his phone. His eyes rolled back, and Changbin let a little titter out. Hyunjin knew he'd never win against Changbin. 

He unlocked his phone with face ID, and pulled open the notification to eight messages.

Changbin [10:18pm]

there's a guy whos trying to follow you around and i know he's bad news

i'm gonna lay low and watch him from a distance

i'll step in if he tries anything that makes you feel weird

okay? xx

Changbin [10:37pm]

hyunjin???

Changbin [10:49pm]

alright well.

maybe he's your type or whatever

make sure you leave the door open with him at least

your mom would be mad

"Changbin..." he said, lifting his head up from the message, eyes dopey and wide, half in annoyance and half in relief.

Changbin had been watching him, looking after him from a distance, just to make sure he was safe around people he didn't know.

"Sorry, I know the last ones probably sound kinda off. I guess I'm not used to you not messaging me back, straight away," he laughed, rubbing at the back of his nape in embarrassment. 

"Well, trust me, if I liked him I would have at least found a room with a lock..."

"If?" Changbin said, "I mean, I wonder what would’ve happened between us if the door wasn’t open, that time at your house," he replied, and Hyunjin locked eyes with him, the realisation sweeping over him like a crashing wave. 

"Changbin... Just, shut up,” Hyunjin said, "don't be like that when you've kinda ignored me a lot of the night," he finished, trying to hide the slight venom in his voice.

He'd tried to keep the mood up, acting jovial like nothing was even wrong, but the façade was slipping, the alcohol spurring him on. Changbin cocked an eyebrow at the slight tinge of aggression built up inside of him, suddenly spilling over. 

"Ignoring you? I was just letting you unwind, you're always working and I just wanted you to have a good time."

"Yeah well, I have a good time with you, too," Hyunjin said, slumping himself down to sit next to him, bouncing one of the cushions off of the bed.

He fell backwards against it, laying flat on his back as he relished the feeling of the fresh duvet covers underneath him, pulling another cushion against his chest. 

"You know, I'm starting to think that maybe if it was closed… I might not have been able to hold back from kissing you for real, that day,” Changbin scoffed, Hyunjin suddenly acutely aware of how close they were, as he pulled himself up to rest against his elbows. 

“Wh-what?” 

"Like, right now, I’d kiss you, but I promised my future mom-in-law that I’d be responsible. Doing that now would be... Not right, I guess.” 

Hyunjin swallowed down a thick breath, the air suddenly hot and stuffy around him. Changbin’s eyes looked so pretty tonight, so dark and glassy as he looked back over his shoulder, leaning down to connect their gazes.

"Why? It's not like we're actually dating, or anything..." Hyunjin said playfully, "after this night I'll probably tell my mom we broke up or something…”

He was feeling brave through the fog of alcohol, hand reaching for his fake boyfriends. It had almost become normal now, for their fingers to automatically intertwine without any prompt, just like clockwork. 

"Damn, how are you gonna do it?" Changbin asked, feigning offense and clutching at his chest with his other hand, "how are you gonna break my heart?"

"I was thinking... Maybe I’ll drive you to a bathroom store, lock you inside of a hot tub, and leave you there.” 

"Oh yeah?" Changbin said, moving in towards him, ambling over to lay next to him on his side, their hands still interwoven as they perched themselves up on their elbows. 

"Yeah. I figured it serves you right for not leaving my mind for the last year."

"The last year?"

"You and your dumb flowers." 

Hyunjin nodded in between their solitary stares, the feeling of his tipsy stupor starting to waver through the realisations of what was happening. Changbin moved towards him, then closer, bridging the distance between them as their hands separated and Changbin's palm came to settle against his cheek. His eyes were smouldering and a little glossy, much like his own. There was so much tension between them, his heartbeat pounding against his chest.

"Do I at least get a goodbye, break-up kiss?" Changbin asked, this time, sounding more serious. His jokey tone had shifted, into something more needy, something more real.

"Isn't it a bad idea to kiss your, ex?" Hyunjin challenged.

"Probably."

Hyunjin reached for the neck of his shirt, pulling him in closely, crashing their lips together in an instant, the tension between them too thick and heavy to fight any longer.

His hands found the back of Changbin's hair as his fingers spread over the back of his scalp; it felt like everything he’d ever wanted, and more. 

Changbin's hand slipped up his back, cradling his waist in place to secure them. The kiss was bruising, and Hyunjin was sure he could barely even breathe through how desperate they were for each other.

Changbin pulled back again, panting, before he kissed him again, pushing him backwards and throwing his leg overtop, locking him in between his arms. 

His hands met Hyunjin's wrists again, and he felt a strange sense of de ja vu...

"My sister isn't here to barge in on, this time," he purred, his needy lips pulling Changbin back down again.

Changbin gripped at his waist, fingernails pressing against his sides, making Hyunjin let out tiny gasps through the humidity of the air.

At first, he'd felt an inkling of remorse for whatever was about to happen in Chan's bed, but by now, he'd long forgotten to care.

"You look, really amazing, tonight," Changbin said, in between kissing him, "I've always thought you were attractive but like... Wow.”

The praise filled Hyunjin's chest, fireworks exploding inside his ribcage.

"Changbin... I have been waiting for you to say that, for real." 

They kissed for what felt like hours, foreheads meeting through a sticky-sweet glaze of sweat, lips puffy and swollen from their friction. As they settled down against each other, Hyunjin felt relief, like everything he'd wanted was suddenly coming to fruition.  

Before Changbin pulled back.

"Hyunjin, I just—"

"What's wrong?" Hyunjin replied, slightly confused as to why his mouth was moving and words were coming out, rather than moving against his own lips.

“We’ve both been drinking," he replied, "are you sure you want—"

His words were cut off, by Hyunjin pressing his lips against him again, tongue darting in and out of his mouth. Changbin followed suit, allowing his body to relax into the feeling of Hyunjin's fingers pressing into his forearms before he was pulling away again.

"I'm serious, Hyunjin," he laughed, totally undermining the 'I'm serious' comment, "we could just... Let's talk about this tomorrow, yeah?"

"Ugh. Fine, but... We're at least gonna sleep in this bed together, right?" Hyunjin asked, all too aware of just how desperate he sounded. “I’ve been wanting to have your arms around me for real, for too long.”

"Sure, of course, we can."

"I need another cushion though," Hyunjin whined, throwing his head back against the bed.

"You can have mine, you drunkard...”

They settled against each other for a little while, deciding whether or not they wanted to go back to the party and say their goodbyes, or if they just wanted to stay like this for the rest of the night, away from it all.

Ultimately, Changbin made the choice for him, falling asleep with his arm across Hyunjin's stomach, pulling him in tightly against his chest. 

They didn't even hear Chan banging on the door to let him into his own room at 3am, instead opting to fall asleep pressed up against the door. 

★✧★

When Hyunjin woke up abruptly the next day, he was laying in Changbin's arms, a bicep curled around his stomach, Changbin's head pressed up against his collarbone. A solitary glass of water and some painkillers had appeared on the nightstand, and he wasn't sure exactly how. 

He groaned through the morning sun, wincing at the brightness of his eyes bursting open.

His mom was calling him, the sound of her fog-horn type alarm ringing. Changbin was obviously a heavy sleeper, barely even stirring as it sounded.

"S-shit," he responded, scrambling for his phone which was now on only 16% battery, "oh god she's gonna..." 

Changbin's eyes finally started to peel open at the commotion as Hyunjin rolled off of the bed to answer it, in a tangle of sheets and blankets. 

"H-hello? Hyunjin responded timidly, wincing through the sunlight.

"Hyunjin! Where have you been?! I was worried sick! You told me you'd be home before midnight! I messaged you multiple times and tried to call!" she screamed out in fury, Hyunjin having to hold the phone away from his ear through the deafening screeches. 

"Mom, I'm 19, I don't need to be babied—"

"—Babied?! I'm your Mother! You could have been in an accident, or kidnapped or in a ditch somewhere! What the hell were you thinking?!" 

"I'm—I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't think about it, I'm just with Changbin, it's not like—"

"—With Changbin?! Well, Changbin better count his blessings!" 

"Mom..."

He looked across at Changbin, who was perched up in bed against his elbows, listening to both sides of the conversation through the sheer volume of the call. He looked down remorsefully, and Hyunjin shook his head as a subtle kind of 'don't worry, she's just being dramatic' kind of sense. 

"I told him to look after you and here you are staying out all night! Even Yeji at least called to say she'd be late home!" 

"I don't need looking after—"

"—Well, so long as you're living in my house you should respect the rules, Hyunjin!" 

The phone call cut short, the beep, beep, beep droning on in his ear from where she'd hung up.

"Shit..." he said, exasperated, throwing his hands all over his face, feelings the remnants of cakey concealer and clumps of mascara across his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, Hyunjin," Changbin said, pulling himself up to sit at the edge of the bed, his hair a static mess at the back as he tried to pat it down, "I told her that I would... Shit, I feel awful. You even said you should've called her." 

"I better get home, Changbin, she's already upset at me and I don't want to make it worse," Hyunjin responded, and Changbin just nodded in understanding, eyes flitting around the room.  

"Yeah, no problem. Sorry, for all that. I'll get my keys." 

★✧★

Luckily, Yeji coming home with a nose ring was enough to take some of the attention off of him, his mom screaming out that her 'beautiful, little girl was ruining her face'. It was a good distraction as he slipped in through the front door, his sister also sitting on the edge of the couch with makeup smeared all over her face and red eyes. Hyunjin wondered if she'd pulled an all-nighter with friends and slept in her contact lenses. 

Hyunjin had at least cleaned himself up before leaving, so he didn't look too awful, it was mostly just inner pain from the wealth of alcohol he'd consumed the night before...

"Hyunjin!" his dad shouted, "finally!"

"I'm—I'm sorry, guys, I was just—" Hyunjin tried to reason, keeping his voice down, but once again his words were cut off by his mom. 

"You two are becoming so difficult!" his mom said, throwing her hands up in the air, "you're staying out all night, and you're getting piercings?!" she pointed at them in sequence, both of them looking like deer in headlights, "Where would you even have gotten that done at that time of night, Yeji?!"

"A friend did it..." she responded with a huff, twiddling her braids in her fingers as she sulked. 

"Oh my... It wasn't even sanitary! I cannot believe this! I am losing the both of you!" 

Hyunjin placed his bag down and waded across to her, now facing away from them with her hands on her hips. As he guided her back around, he could see the tears in her eyes, the way she tried to hide them.

"Mom, me and Yej aren't kids anymore, we're both able to make our own choices. I'm sorry that I didn't call, I just got distracted, but I promise you, you're not losing us." 

He pulled her into an embrace, Yeji bounding off of the couch to join, too. Hyunjin allowed it, wrapping his arm around her waist and allowing them to be engulfed in his mom's arms as she tried. Yeji looked at him and smiled, just like before, mouthing 'thank you' to him.

Maybe sometimes, and only sometimes, she was bearable.

His mom gushed on for around an hour about how much she loved them, and how accomplished they both were, how proud of them she was. The same kind of thing she'd usually do after a few glasses of wine with her cougar, book-club friends, and both of the siblings simply allowed it, knowing they'd caused her some pain today. The least they could do was listen to her ramble on about how great they were. 

She insisted on making them breakfast, both of them chewing down thick pancakes and syrup through incredibly woozy stomachs, Hyunjin's head pounding and Yeji's eyes beaming red.

He wouldn't tell her he'd been drinking, and neither would Yeji, that was a heart attack for another day.

After everything had settled, they retired to the comfort of their own bedrooms for a lazy Sunday. Hyunjin swallowed down some pills that Yeji had leant him, and Hyunjin gave her some soothing eye drops to try and bring her corneas back to some kind of normality. 

As soon as he entered his room, he launched himself on his bed in happiness. The lingering feelings about his family's argument long-gone, and only the fuzzy feelings of his newly blossoming relationship with Changbin in his mind. 

Whether or not it was make believe at the start, he knew his feelings ran deeper than he’d ever anticipated they would.

They ran so deep that he felt breathless whenever he’d laugh at a stupid joke, or anxious whenever he didn’t text him when he’d gotten home. It was like Changbin had become his routine, a part of him. He couldn't even stop thinking about their kiss, or their kisses, as it turned out. The way Changbin had run his hands along his side, the way their bodies were so close. 

He'd grown bored of waiting for Changbin to text him that day, as he sprawled out on his bed with his laptop. He'd been scrolling through photos of last night that had been uploaded by Chan, who'd added him as a friend immediately.

He decided to swallow his pride and be the first one to contact, this time. It was a big step for him, but he considered after last night he'd laid it all out, even if he could exactly quite remember how he'd worded it. He was sure whatever it was it was probably awful and embarrassing, but at least he reciprocated...

You [3:17pm]

Hey, hope everything’s good with you

do you think we can talk about last night? 

we should do something this week (: x

Changbin [3:58pm]

hey, sorry for the lateish reply

i have to head to the hosp tonight w grandma, she has to stay in another night -.-

but yeah, definitely!

can't express how happy that would make me

xxx

You [4:03pm]

me too, i'm really

dfjdhfs i just feel really glad that we got everything all out in the open (kind of)

ooh, tell your grandma i say hi!

and there's a few films coming out soon i wanna watch, let me know when you're free ^^

xxx

★✧★

Hyunjin didn’t get a reply.

Not that night, and not a week later.

In fact, three weeks went by, and still nothing.

Changbin had even stopped visiting the store every other day, like he'd been doing recently, and he wondered if he’d done something inheritantly wrong.

Maybe Changbin gotten cold feet, deciding that they weren't compatible, their lifestyles too different. 

Or maybe he was so upset at what his mom had said, that he'd decided to distance himself, tearing himself away in fear of getting Hyunjin into trouble. 

He even wondered if Changbin had been attempting just to get him into bed that night, which was why he had the key to Chan's door. Every excuse and reason sifted through his mind as he tried to understand what it was exactly that he'd done wrong.

It didn't make any sense, Changbin had been the one to tell them to wait, he'd been the one who wanted to speak about it.

It just didn't make any sense.

He felt heartbroken, knowing that he’d somehow messed it up.

His own friends were at college, his shifts had picked up and his sister had a new boyfriend; it was just too much.

Being apart was like a piece of his existence had been taken away; he'd grown too accustomed to the older man. 

It felt dramatic, everything about this felt dramatic, but at least it felt real.

His regular close shift of the week was the longest, most drawn-out precipice of hell that anyone could imagine. He’d have to unload the afternoon delivery, get the papers set for the next day, accept all the parcels in, sort the stockroom, and lock up, near enough all by himself. That, and ever other customer was someone he couldn't stand, the lady who would pay him in the smallest amounts of change, the busy working mom that would get him to tape up some of the largest boxes he'd ever see, the man who'd buy too many stamps and yell when there weren't enough. Hyunjin had no idea who would need that many stamps. 

It was torture, only exemplified by the overwhelming feeling of having nothing to look forward to after work now. No one to meet him at the bike stand. 

Whenever he'd get home from work, he'd go back to his regular routine, television, scrolling empty pages of social media, skincare, and then bed, ready for another day at work tomorrow. 

He couldn’t help but sigh, trying to get everything done. He’d come to expect a hello or good morning text from Changbin, or a text in his breaks to get him through the day. He tried not to dwell on it, but it didn’t make him feel any less lonesome.

It wasn't until another three days had passed, that he suddenly got another text, his work pants' pocket buzzing. He'd assumed it was Seungmin or Felix, so he let it vibrate on silent, only opening it when he got to his last coffee break of the day.

His eyes widened, at the realisation, that it was Changbin's name in the bubble. 

Changbin [4:15pm]

i’m really sorry i didn’t reply

my grandma took a turn for the worst

she had a heart attack that night i texted you

You [4:18pm]

Oh my god changbin

that is understandable, please don't worry about it!

i'm here for you if you need anything

we can go and see her whenever if you want?

Changbin [4:15pm]

she passed away a few days later

in hospital

Hyunjin leant back in his chair, dropping his phone against the wood of the staffroom table, one other employee looking towards him with their headphones in. He panicked, his heartrate suddenly picking up. He scrambled for the phone again, barely able to text through his sweat-sodden hands.

You [4:18pm]

changbin

i don’t even know what to say

i’m so sorry

Changbin [4:20pm]

i’ve had a bit of time but it really hurts

so fucking bad

i’m sorry i didn’t want to drag you down or anything

You [4:22pm]

No, no, you haven’t!

I know i can’t say anything to make it better but

I’m just really sorry

Changbin [4:24pm]

tell, at least she thought i was happy and settled before she passed

that was really all she wanted

You [4:26pm]

i really am here for you, i just can't even find the words right now 

i'm so sorry 

Changbin [4:28pm]

do you want to meet up tonight?

my friends are all back to classes and i just feel

kinda lonely

being around you makes me feel kinda

i don’t know

sorry i know you're working

You [4:31pm]

of course!

meet me after work? i finish at 8

xxx

★✧★

The hours dragged on, and on.

Luckily, it had started raining, driving away most of the customers.

His mind was racing, wishing the day away until he could finally see Changbin after all this time.

It hit 7:50pm, and he started cashing up, frantically, not even really caring if he was counting it correctly; the only thing he could think of was getting to leave this place. He grabbed his things from the staff room, wrapping himself in his raincoat before setting the alarm. 

He pulled the sign in, covered in dirt and rain, muddying up his hands. He blew back his rain sodden bangs as he tried to pull it in, the sign's wheels jamming in the dirt as he grunted out into the air. The ground smelling like wet tarmac and water doused purple leaf, sand cherry trees.

As he glanced over to the stand that Changbin would usually set his bike in, he realised it was totally empty when he locked up the newspaper cages' chains.

He didn't know what to expect. It had been nearly a month since he'd even seen Changbin, and maybe he needed more time. 

He was about to give up. Ten minutes after shift and still no messages, still no sign of him. All of his clothes were soaked, standing in the rain under the awnings that weren't even wide enough to shelter one person.

“Hyunjin!" a voice suddenly sounded, just as he'd decided to leave, wandering down the steps. 

It was Changbin, rushing down the same street like before, soaked through in a large navy hoodie and a black cap. 

"Sorry! My bike’s still playing up,” he panted, as if he’d run here, placing his hands on his knees as he doubled over, “the chain is so shitty, I’m sorry I’m late.”

"Don't be, it's totally fine—"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Changbin reached for him, placing his hands either side of his waist and tugging him close to his body with all his might.

He had no time to react, he had no time to even speak, so they just stood there in the rain, as Changbin nuzzled against him. Hyunjin allowed himself to melt into it too, placing his head over the other man's shoulder. 

“Hyunjin...”

“Y-yeah?”

"I'm sorry, I should've said something."

"Please don't be sorry, Changbin, you don't owe me anything. This is your family, you're talking about. I'm the one that's sorry."

"I just didn't want to drag you down—"

"—You didn't, you never could." 

“You wanna know something...?" Changbin muttered, "I’ve been keeping it a little secret for a while...”

They pulled apart for a moment, Changbin reaching for both of his hands to interlock their fingers. Hyunjin looked at him in perplexity, rain dripping down his ponytail at the back, but he didn't care, all he cared about was what Changbin had to say.

“When I asked you to be my fake boyfriend, remember we went to that café, after?”

“Yeah? I remember,” Hyunjin responded, staring into his glistening eyes. 

“I pretended like I didn’t know your name, but I did. I’d been kind of... ‘Distantly fond’ of you, let’s just say, for a while.”

“Distantly fond?”

“Yeah, at school, I used to see your performances. I thought you were, pretty incredible, actually. I told my grandma you were my boyfriend before I even asked you, I'd even shown her pictures..." he laughed pathetically, his head dipping down in embarrassment. 

“Wow... I don’t even know what to say, thank y-you,” Hyunjin replied through a stutter. 

Say something, Hyunjin, anything, he begged himself.

"It was so embarrassing when I had to ask you, and I was just so happy that you agreed because... I just—Sheesh, then it just so happened that you turned out to be incredible, and here we are...”

"Well, I'm grateful you did, because... I knew your name too, by the way. I guess I’d been... 'Distantly fond', for a while, too. I'm mortified I only told you at that stupid party...”

They both laughed, tired from the antics of the last few months, Hyunjin squeezing his hands so tightly he was sure he'd leave marks. 

“I don’t want you as my fake boyfriend,” Changbin started, “I’d like it, actually... If you were my real one. I think that'd make me, and my grandma really happy." Changbin stroked his hand, and it felt strangely familiar. Hyunjin had been missing this, missing them, even the way he laughed through his own embarrassment.

"Are you sure? You've been through a lot, Changbin and I just want to be there for you, whether or not it's as a friend, a fake boyfriend, or a real—

Changbin suddenly leant forward, pressing their lips together, cutting him off mid-sentence.

One side of their hands unlocked, and Changbin instead snaked his fingers through the back of Hyunjin's wet hair just off to the side of his chin, as they angled towards each other. Hyunjin kissed back after the initial shock dwindled, allowing his eyes to flutter shut and enjoy being back in each others' company. Their lips were freezing and soaking wet, sliding against each other. Nothing about it felt rushed, it was slow and languid, both of them forgetting where they were. 

Hyunjin had kissed him before, and for days he'd been wondering if he'd taken things too far, too fast. Now, he felt reassured, Changbin telling him how he was feeling, kissing him first. 

As they pulled apart, their foreheads still lingered, pressed together and water spilling down both of their chins in a tiny stream where their faces met. 

“I should have kissed you way before all this. I guess sometimes it just takes a bit of courage, and I didn’t have any. I’ve never had it in me,” Changbin said, "I was so glad you kissed me first." 

“That’s okay, I didn’t either. I just want you to know, that I do... I do care about you. You can lean on me, if you need to, ever, Changbin." 

The older man smiled at him, and Hyunjin wasn't sure if he was crying, or if the rain was getting heavier, but the moment was well and truly bittersweet.

He wanted to be happy that they were okay, but he felt a hole in his heart for Changbin, the way his eyes reflected dejection and upset, and all Hyunjin could even do was be there, for him. 

“I’ll walk you home, come on," the older man said, taking his hand in his own. 

“My Mom’s waiting for me to get home and eat, she’ll invite you in if she sees you...”

“I mean, that wouldn’t be the worst thing, right?” Changbin laughed, "she does make a mean carbonara..."

“No, I guess not, but you'd definitely get a firm talking to after making me stay in that college dorm room, that's for sure." 

★✧★ Epilogue: 6 months later ★✧★

"I got in!" Hyunjin replied, bounding in through his front door, Changbin wandering in behind him with Hyunjin's gym back and his own bag over each shoulder. Hyunjin was maniacally flailing some paper and a ripped open envelope in his hands, alerting all the rest of his family.

"You didn't even wait to open it with us, Hyunjin!?" his mother said, before Yeji was clambering over the back of the couch and attempting to grab it from his hands.  

He pushed her back, hands flailing around as Changbin placed their things down near the back of the couch, exhaling at the relief of the mass of Hyunjin's clothes and back-up clothes being removed from his shoulders. He had a bouquet in his hand, wrapped in purple tissue paper that he immediately wandered into the kitchen to find a vase for. 

"Hey, stop! I'm gonna read it, it's my letter," he said, spinning himself around from Yeji's hands, he coughed loudly, clearing his throat. "To Mr H. Hwang, it is with great pleasure that we offer you secure admission to to our fall 2022 program at Seoul Conservatoire of Modern and Contempory Dance!" 

"That's fantastic, Hyunjin his Father said, bobbing his head up from his newspaper, sitting in his armchair, "you're going to smash it." 

"Yeah, now you can drop that shitty job you have," Yeji teased, sticking her tongue out at him, a tiny glint of silver jewellery shimmering off of it...

"Yeji, language-! And what is that, in your mouth?!" their mom boomed, her eyes widening as her mouth fell open. 

"Nothing!" she shouted, before slapping a hand over her mouth, immediately sprinting for the stairs.

"You get down here, young lady!" his mother shouted, following her in tandem.

"I'm eighteen!" a voice barrelled back down...

Changbin reappeared and placed himself down on the couch opposite where Hyunjin's dad was sitting, watching something about cars, of all things. Hyunjin just nodded and went along with it, still feigning that he knew anything about automobiles as they settled into the sound of screeching tyres. Hyunjin placed his leg overtop of Changbin's, settling in comfortably and the older man's hand slid into his, like it always did. 

Changbin leaned closer to him, out of ear shot of his Dad.

"You probably shouldn't tell your dad about that bellybutton piercing you got, then," he scoffed, before Hyunjin was batting him away with a sly smile. 

He pretended to be interested in his Dad jabbering on about fuel consumption and it’s effect on the atmosphere, before Hyunjin peeled himself away from the couch, stretching his arms out above him.

"We better freshen up before we go to see The Nutcracker, Changbin," he said, pulling the older man up from his newly-acquired spot on the couch with a groan. 

”Door open, please!” his dad shouted after them as they ambled up the staircase. 

“Dad, I’m nearly twenty!” he shouted in annoyance, pushing a sniggering Changbin forward with both hands on the back of his shoulders. 

They kissed lazily across Hyunjin's bed for a while, the sound of Yeji and his mom's ridiculous arguing from across the hall making it impossible to keep a straight face as they lost themselves in each others' presence.

"The flowers are a nice touch," Hyunjin said, resting his head across Changbin's chest, hand settled comfortably in between his pecs. 

Changbin had brought him a bunch of flowers, fresh purple lilacs with a scattering of baby’s breath dispersed through the bouquet, as a congratulations for being accepted into his program. It stood pride-of-place in the centre of his windowsill surrounded by his other dance trophies, that he'd decided to display, absorbing the bright white daze of the sun, beaming in through his bedroom window. 

He saw Changbin every single day from that point, finally belonging to the boy with the wide chest and the bunch of flowers. The one that would come in to his workplace on his black bicycle, lock it up outside the store then buy a newspaper, and a fresh half pan of baguette.

★✧★