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It is two days before Lan Xichen and Lan Rujin’s wedding.
The whole of Caiyi Town was buzzing with excitement, and Cloud Recesses is crazy busy with people coming and going to celebrate the wedding of the century.
But the wonder of Nie Huaisang lives on. He manages to kidnap Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to drink with him.
Although Jiang Cheng has to leave early. One of his twins is throwing up pretty badly, and Wen Qing needs him to take care of the healthy one. He is such a good father (not, he was grumbling all the way when the Jiang’s disciple showed up to bring him back to his family).
Anyway, it is just him and Wei Wuxian now.
They don't drink much.
Wei Wuxian has lost his high alcohol tolerance during the years he avoided drinking because of his traumatic past with Lan Wangji.
Whatever suffering his past brought, now he has overcome all his obstacles in life and leads an almost perfect life with his adoring husband, his three children, and a very strong golden core. Lan Wangji himself has encouraged him to go out with Nie Huaisang tonight so he can relearn to enjoy alcohol (although Nie Huaisang suspected that Wei Wuxian was kicked out of the Cloud Recesses tonight because he was bringing more chaos than he usually does due to his overexcitement about the wedding of his firstborn).
Lan Wangji refused to join because alcohol reminds him of the time he lost his memory of Wei Wuxian, so he never wants to experience it again.
Here they are, at Caiyi Winehouse together, and for once, Huaisang realizes that maybe Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng are the only friends he has. Jiang Cheng is indeed his closer friend, but Wei Wuxian knows him better. And right now, he is in need of a friend who knows him well to listen to him pour his heart out.
He is tired.
He has done a lot in the last two lifetimes. Is it really two lifetimes?
“It is three for me,” Wei Wuxian answers, sounding gloomy.
Yeah, understandable.
He spent his first life dying for 16 years, then his second life was a short and happy 2 years before he had to travel back in time and suffer for the next 8 years without his beloved.
However, it was also bad for him to lose his brother because a maniac was killing him softly with his song (pun intended).
He can laugh about it now that Wei Wuxian has somehow saved his brother during his third life (Nie Huaisang's second life).
“I know everything about both of your lives, Nie-Xiong. And although I am not happy being your tool for revenge in my second life, then as a means for your salvation in my third life, still I understand the need to save your brother and your sect.”
“Do you still have grudges against me?” Huaisang asks, hoping that Wei Wuxian’s understanding means he has forgiven him.
“Lan Zhan said that without you, we wouldn’t have our happy ending. I have to agree with him.” He pours himself another cup of Emperor’s Smile. It has been an hour, and he just finished two cups. His tolerance really went down.
“However, contrary to Lan Zhan’s belief, I feel that we don’t owe you anything, because you got what you wanted from using me, from using us. Indeed, I have to be responsible for the amount of suffering that Lan Zhan and I went through, mostly because of my stupidity. But, let’s admit it, you put me there... ”
“I apologize?” Nie Huaisang apologizes, insincerely. His scheme did manage to save his brother.
Wei Wuxian notes that. “Don’t say anything you don’t mean, A-Sang,” he smirks.
He shrugs.
“Anyway, when I say that I don't owe you anything, it also means that you don't owe me anything. We did what we did because we had selfish reasons. Still, we accomplished a lot together," Wei Wuxian says in kind.
Nie Huaisang chuckles. "So? Are we good? Should we become sworn brothers?" he teases.
Wei Wuxian looks at him absently for a long second before giving him his lopsided grin and asking, "Do you want to be my sworn brother? I guess I am pretty famous right now because somebody actually wants to be my sworn brother. I am honored, A-Sang. Sure, let’s do it…. Although I don’t have a good track record as a good brother. Ask A-Cheng.”
Wei Wuxian winces. Their first life as brothers may still bring him pain, although Jiang Cheng doesn’t remember any of that. But Wei Wuxian might still have lingering feelings about their broken brothership.
“Ah, Wei-Xiong, thank you for the offer. I might take you up on that,” he answers, taking his chance at this friendship. Being a sworn brother of Wei Wuxian will not hurt him.
“Should we close the deal by conducting a ceremony for that?” Wei Wuxian laughs, taking the almost empty jar and pouring the remaining wine into his mouth.
Maybe the offer was the wine talking, but he will still take the offer.
“We can do a bloody shake thing,” Nie Huaisang suggests. “I think doing it in front of a crowd is overkill.”
Wei Wuxian nods. He doesn’t look like he needs to think further when he unsheathes Suibian half way into its scabbard, slices his own palm, and lets Huaisang slice his own palm, then performs the brotherhood shake with him.
“Officially brothers?” Huaisang asks, knowing Wei Wuxian well enough to know he wouldn't back up from this.
Wei Wuxian grins, “You are the didi, right?” he sheathes Suibian back to its scabbard.
“I think I am older, Wei-Xiong,” he snorts.
Wei Wuxian retaliates, “You are smaller. Let’s make you my didi.”
“Okay, as long as you spoil me,” he jokes.
“What do you need, Didi?” Wei Wuxian asks, and for once, he doesn't tease, like he knows that Huaisang really needs something from him.
A few seconds pass before he admits, “I need someone to talk to. And to keep my secret.”
Wei Wuxian gently laughs. “Did I just fall into your scheme again?”
Nie Huaisang returns the smile, professing, “Probably. But I really need a friend right now.”
Wei Wuxian smiles, too. Nie Huaisang knows his smile is Wei Wuxian’s ultimate weapon, more potent than his super golden core, since his smile commands the best cultivator of their generation.
However, he doesn’t need a powerful smile, he needs a genuine smile, which is what Wei Wuxian is showing him.
“You got a sworn brother, instead, A-Sang,” he says sincerely.
So Huaisang starts.
He is tired. He is lonely.
And he feels like the world doesn’t need him anymore. It has used up the objective of having him in this world. He will be useless….
Almost. One last deed.
“Do you remember my wish for the beast?”
“You wished to erase the Nie's blade curse without diminishing the Nie's greatness. You paid it with a personal loss and knowledge about us,” Wei Wuxian says, reciting Nie Huaisang’s words word for word from his admission a few months ago.
Whoever said he has a faulty memory doesn’t know Wei Wuxian well.
Huaisang nods. “I only told you half the truth.”
He looks at him questioningly, a sign for Nie Huaisang to elaborate on his statement.
Huaisang inhales before taking out a white talisman. “I gave them the knowledge, but I haven’t made my wish.
The only fair exchange to pay for my wish was either my brain or my heart. I love my brain too much, so I chose to never find love.”
His sworn brother abruptly stands. “You are a fool, Didi," his tone is filled with pity and regret. "You should know that love can make your life much better."
Huaisang chuckles, “I still have my brain, and I thought you would agree that I have an awesome mind, Gege.”
Wei Wuxian just stares at him. His disapproval is shown clearly in his eyes, but he returns to his seat, waiting for him to explain more.
He knows how subjective Wei Wuxian is in his opinion of love. He would do anything for love. That means he makes sacrifices. For his family, for his friends, and for his beloved Lan Wangji. It is true that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have the greatest love that he has ever witnessed. But it came at a high cost and not for a lack of suffering.
If anybody knows the cost of love, it is him.
“I am giving up my chance at love to save generations of Nies, Wei-Xiong. Don’t you think it is a small price to pay?”
Wei Wuxian does understand, which is why he stops questioning his decision.
Instead, Wei Wuxian attacks his doubt, “If you truly believe that, why haven’t you lit the talisman? The fact that you waited means that you don’t want to use it.”
It is true, he thinks , but does he have any options?
“If you were me, what would you do?”
Wei Wuxian is the only person who truly understands and experiences the true sacrifice.
He doesn't answer, so Huaisang continues, “I cannot wait any longer. My brother will soon have an heir, Mian-Jie is almost carrying to full term. I will have to light it soon.”
When Wei Wuxian keeps his silence, he adds, “Also, love is overrated."
"Have you ever been in love?" Wei Wuxian sneers.
"I think I am in love with Lan Xichen," he confesses.
That makes Wei Wuxian laugh bitterly, “No, you are not.”
“I am, Wei-Xiong,” he says, offended that Wei Wuxian belittles his affection toward the groom-to-be. “He is the only person who sincerely wanted to help my brother when he was deranged. Nobody is as kind as him.”
Wei Wuxian shakes his head and says, “That is gratitude, A-Sang, it is not love. You would have done something to win him if you truly loved him.”
He sighs, ”How can I when I also used him to kill my archenemy? I love him, but whenever I see him, I am reminded of his look of hatred toward me in that first life.”
He huffs, "That's guilt, A-Sang. You know, for someone so smart, you are pretty clueless."
He shrugs. "Whatever my feeling is for him, call it gratitude, call it guilt, it is the closest feeling that I've ever had toward someone who is not related to me."
Silence.
“So you are going to light the talisman because you are heartbroken?" Wei Wuxian inquires, raising his eyebrow.
“Love doesn't move me, so it is easy to sacrifice," he confirms. "And because a baby Nie is about to be born, it is time for me to light it."
Wei Wuxian holds his gaze, and asks softly, "If you're already set on your decision, why did you call me?"
Huaisang nods. "I used you as a tool for revenge once, and for correcting my world. Maybe I also want your forgiveness." He stands up, raises his hand to give him a proper bow, "Wei-Xiong... thank you… and I am sorry.
But maybe I want someone to look at me and see the sacrifice I made.
And appreciate me."
Even in his first life, where he was the Sect Leader, he never got to be appreciated. That was why he asked for Wei Wuxian, so that one person in this world would know his sacrifice. And who better to appreciate it than a person who made his own sacrifices?
But Wei Wuxian has another idea. He fists his hand that he just sliced a few minutes before. The wound reopens, and fresh blood flows from it. He grabs the white talisman from the table and uses his bloody palm to stain the white talisman. It absorbs his blood, turning the white talisman red.
When lighted, a white talisman fulfills your wish, but a red talisman will bring you back to meet the beast.
He takes Nie Huaisang's wrist to drag him outside with force. He is very strong now, courtesy of his very powerful golden core. Nie Huaisang almost trips several times. Then he pulls Huaisang along to ride with him on the Suibian, carefully holding him by his shoulders.
Nie Huaisang suddenly remembers how jealous Lan Wangji can be. He shivers just imagining the icy death glare he would receive.
They don't go far. Wei Wuxian lands them on a big meadow and lights the now red talisman.
Soon Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan arrive in the shape of a double-headed cobra.
"Cobras?" Wei Wuxian gapes. "For real?”
Nie Huaisang shakes beside him. The beast in front of him looks ungodly scary, huge, and formidable, although he has to admit that the air of intimidation has decreased significantly from the previous owners of those bodies.
"It is fun to experiment," Song Lan hisses, deadpan. "Why did you call us, Master Wei?"
Wei Wuxian bows, grins at the majestic beast, and says, "Forgive me for not greeting you. Master Xiao, Master Song, I hope life treats you well."
Huaisang follows suit, letting Wei Wuxian lead the conversation.
"Life is awesome, Master Wei," white snake answers. "Loving every minute of it."
Wei Wuxian nods, "I see that you have not separated?"
"We are learning to trust each other and to communicate well. As heavenly beings, time moves differently for us. Don't worry, we will not waste your wish for us. How is your husband?" Xiao Xingchen asks, smiling.
"Ahh, Lan Zhan is well, he is helping with the preparation for the wedding. Our son is marrying his brother."
"Ah, I see… We wish them the best of luck in their marriage. Is that why you came to see us?"
Wei Wuxian grabs Nie Huaisang's forearm, pulling him to stand beside him.
"This is Nie Huaisang, my sworn brother. I don’t know if you remember him because he used to deal with the previous ‘you’, but he is one of the people who made your exchange with the beasts possible.”
“Yes, we remember him. Master Nie, how are you? How can we help?” Xiao Xingchen asks.
Huaisang is too scared to answer. Also, he doesn’t know why Wei Wuxian calls them here.
“He has a wish that hasn't been granted. He wants to change his payment," Wei Wuxian answers for him.
Nie Huaisang is shocked.
He doesn't want to change his wish. He is content with giving his heart. There is no way he is sacrificing his brain.
Song Lan grudgingly asks, "What does he offer instead?"
"His existence."
"What?" Has Wei Wuxian not forgiven him?
Noting his distress, Wei Wuxian turns his body to face him. "A-Sang, as your sworn brother, I honor the fact that you don't want to sacrifice your brain, although personally, I think you need to stop abusing it with your over-the-top planning.
But I also cannot let you sacrifice your heart. Loving and being loved are the two greatest feelings in the world. You just haven't met the right person, or you have, but you took him for granted. Lan Xichen doesn't count. What you feel toward him is definitely not love.
By erasing your existence as the second Nie, you will have a clean slate. You will not carry the burdens of being a Nie heir anymore. You don't have to mastermind another event to save the people you love. You paid your dues. You will only be responsible for yourself. You can seek your own happiness."
Huaisang is stunned.
Maybe Wei Wuxian is right.
He has lived his life trying to please his brother, trying to become a cultivator, trying to pull his weight as a sect leader, trying to bring down an evil person and avenge his brother, trying to bring his brother back to life, trying to wipe his sect's curse.
He succeeds. His brother is happily married, about to hold his firstborn, who will never experience the curse.
Maybe he deserves to be loved then, for all his sacrifices.
"I see you've made up your mind," Song Lan says, another white talisman appearing in front of him.
Has he made the decision?
He cannot say no to that image, though, of him having what his brother has, and if he is lucky, maybe he will have a love that is close to what Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have.
"I-I... thank you, Master Song, Master Xiao," he stutters, bowing to the beast.
The cobras hiss, their hoods open, and then smoke envelopes them.
When it clears, they are gone, leaving him and his sworn brother in that big meadow.
They stand there in silence for a while, Nie Huaisang needing the time to arrange his mind while Wei Wuxian is basically there being smug.
But it is not smugness that he sees when Nie Huaisang lifts his gaze at him; it is a breathtaking smile, the one that made Lan Wangji fall for him all those years ago. "A-Sang, before you light it, I would like to advise you.”
Huaisang can just nod, too blinded by that mesmerizing smile.
He gazes deeply into his eyes. "This is your chance for a new beginning, fight for your happiness, okay? You deserve it."
Huaisang nods again. “I promise.” It was, after all, the kindest advice he has ever received. "Wei-Xiong, thank you.... for everything."
Wei Wuxian looks content with that promise. He continues, “I will not remember you, but please use your big brain to make me your sworn brother again."
That request touches him. Even after what he made Wei Wuxian go through—the suffering, the pain, the sadness, he still wants to be his brother. Huaisang starts to tear up as he can only nod.
He indeed has a big heart.
Wei Wuxian pulls him into a hug. "Life brought us together. From the first time we met until now, so many things have happened. I will not remember any of it. For what it's worth, thank you, A-Sang... and I am sorry."
Nie Huaisang hugs him back as tightly as he can. Nobody will remember him after this. But his sworn brother is right, he will have a new life, better chances.
Wei Wuxian leaves him to return to Cloud Recesses, knowing Huaisang needs time alone to ponder before lighting the talisman.
He takes his time, running memories through his head and silently saying goodbye to the people who mean something.
For his brother, he wishes him a good life.
For his unborn nephew/niece to have a chance of surviving the curse.
For himself to have a better life, a chance at love and happiness, without adding more burden toward his brother.
It is painful, to say goodbye when he is not truly seeing the people to whom he is saying goodbye; he knows that even if they do meet again, they will not remember his goodbyes, and they won't even remember his existence.
He gives himself time, and he cries. He sobs. Two lifetimes, or almost 50 years of life, will be completely erased with the memories that remain in his mind, and his heart.
Wei Wuxian has opened a door called 'want'. Now he wants more. Now he dreams of chances.
He steadies his heart, stops his tears, and focuses on the promise of those chances.
He sighs, looking at the sky to say his last prayer as a Nie Huaisang.
It takes a long minute, but he thinks he is ready.
He hopes he is ready.
No regret.
It is now time to light the talisman.
A last sob escapes, but he is confident now. There is no turning back; he uses his spiritual energy to light the white talisman.
His hand shakes as the talisman slowly burns in his hand. When the talisman is completely burned, he loses his consciousness.
***
Huaisang wakes up still in the meadow. Nothing seems to change. He is still wearing the same robes he wore yesterday, and he still has his pouches of money.
He still feels like himself.
He takes him time to return to the inn. But once he is about to climb the stairs to his room, he is stopped by the inn's owner. It is then when new reality hits.
"Excuse me, Master. This inn is fully booked. The Gusu Lan Sect is marrying their Sect Leader tomorrow. We are terribly sorry, but there is no empty room left."
Huaisang is confused. "I have a room on the second floor, the one in the corner."
"You must be mistaken, Master. That biggest room is booked by the Second Master Nie."
Oh.
He is no longer the Second Master Nie.
Somebody else is.
It brings contradicting feelings, a relief that he is no longer burdened by the responsibility of being an heir, of being a cultivator.
But it also feels like his identity is being ripped from him. He doesn't know who he is anymore. It is somewhat painful.
He nods to the inn owner, buys a jar of Emperor's Smile and goes back to the meadow.
For the better part of the day, he spends sulking, thinking of his old wonderful life where he had a home, where he did not have to hold a job, where he was respected as the Nie’s Sect Leader, then as the Nie’s heir.
After he is able to accept his situation, he starts planning his future. He is glad that his money pouch is intact, so he can live comfortably for a while. He checks his cultivation. Still mediocre, he chuckles. Then he thinks about jobs. He can be a fan painter, art collector, or porn book author, something that he could never be before because of his neverending responsibilities.
He decides to live in Qinghe area so he can be close to his brother and his family. He likes Qinghe, it is home.
Life starts to look better. He is smart, he still has his powerful brain. He will survive.
When evening comes, he attends the pre wedding banquet at Cloud Recesses, going to Caiyi town to buy some nice robes for tonight and for the party tomorrow. Who knows if he can persuade Wei Wuxian to get him a room at Cloud Recesses.
Apparently, he is thinking too far ahead. He isn’t allowed entrance to Cloud Recesses without an invitation. For a while, he is lost. Nobody has ever asked him for identification. People had always known who he was.
He is racking his brain for an excuse when a familiar voice greets him, “Can I help you?”
Huaisang turns to glance at the owner of that voice.
It is Nie Zonghui, another person alive because of him.
Huaisang bows to him and says, “Ah, I don’t have an invitation, Master Nie. I am afraid I cannot attend the wedding.”
Nie Zonghui frowns, “You have already come all the way here. Come as my guest. You can sit with me. I am the only representative of the Nies, there are plenty of seats in my section.”
Huaisang guesses that Nie Zonghui is now taking his seat as the second son of the Nie sect. And that this person, who is dear to him, just flirted with him.
“Thank you for your kind offer, Master Nie. I will take it.”
“What’s your name, Young Master?” Nie Zonghui asks, giving him a once-over.
Huaisang enjoys the attention and appreciation. “I am Wei Huaisang, related to Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch. Too bad he forgot to invite his handsome cousin to his son’s wedding.”
Nie Zonghui laughs. “Handsome, indeed. I somehow feel familiar with you. You do have a Qinghe accent. Have we met?”
Huaisang smiles, “Probably, a long time ago.”
“Call me Hui-Ge. And I’ll call you A-Sang. Come, let’s be acquainted,” he winks.
There is something coiling in his stomach, and he also feels his heart thumping at the wink.
Wei Huaisang, he realizes, is not related to the Nies at all. The beast has erased his Nie blood, but the ease of being with another Nie is still there. The connection and chemistry with Nie Zonghui are new, he has never experienced them with anybody else before. Wei Wuxian is right, the beats in his heart are different from the comfort he feels with Lan Xichen.
Nie Zonghui was off limits before, but now things are different, and Hui-Ge has never looked more handsome. That chiseled face is so different from his own soft features, but he has always liked that kind of face. It was the face of his previous father, the one that he didn't inherit. He knows this man, too. Loyal, kind, and brave.
So if this person, whom he admires, flirts with him and invokes pleasing sensations from his body, Huaisang is definitely taking a chance.
“Sure, Hui-Ge. Let's be acquainted," he smiles, feeling himself blushing and taking his fan to hide his face so his eyes are the only things Nie Zonghui can see. He knows that even with all his scheming, his eyes always tell the truth. The window to his soul , his brother used to say.
This, whatever it is, may be foreign, but he is diving headfirst into it. He is not taking this for granted.
Nie Zonghui offers his hand, which Huaisang takes. The contact sends warm currents throughout his body. Together, they walk past the gate, maybe toward a better future.
Huaisang can't wait for it.
His happy ending awaits.