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Oil and water mingle together on damp asphalt. From a certain angle, they mirror a rainbow of chrome accents and flaming car wraps as if beckoning you to fall into a world of iridescent oil slicks and sweet benzene.
Everyone gathers at the edge of the streets, a loud clamoring of people buzzing with excitement as the cars roll in and rumble their engines.
The air is laden with summer heat and humidity, even in the dead of night, making Taeyong’s hair stick to his forehead. He climbs out of his car and scans the crowd but doesn’t see anyone worth looking for.
“You look good,” Yuta slinks over.
Taeyong casts a suspicious glare, “Thanks?”
“Not you, the car I’m taking home when I kick your ass,” he smirks, leading Taeyong to roll his eyes.
“Ay yo listen up!” Mark climbs atop his glossy black Porsche. “You all know the drill by now, the police show up you don’t know nothin you didn’t see nothin. Also if you lose money on a bet, Haechan will find you so just pay up. Finally….you ready?? What are y'all excited for??”
“Pinks slips!” The crowd cheers enthusiastically.
“That’s right. For our finale this week we racin for pink slips! First place gets both loser’s cars. This is what the season has been gearing up for,” Mark jumps down and takes a bowl from Jaehyun.
He pushes it toward Taeyong and Yuta, “Ready to pick your handicap? You know we gotta keep it interesting.”
Yuta rolls his eyes and fishes in for a slip of paper, “JPS. What the hell does that mean?”
Mark unsuccessfully stifles a laugh, “That means you don’t get a route in your GPS, you get this.” He hands him a walkie-talkie and points to Jaehyun who dangles the other overhead. “Jaehyun tracks you on maps and tells you when to turn. So better not go too fast or you might miss it.”
Mark opens his own piece of paper and feels the world crumble around him as he mumbles a small word.
“What was that?” Johnny shouts from the crowd.
“Nickleback!” Mark yells, and this time it’s everyone else’s turn to laugh.
Jaehyun syncs a playlist to the Bluetooth in Mark’s car, “Once the race begins you’ll have to blast that Nickelback playlist on top volume. Good luck concentrating.”
Johnny sighs loudly, “He’s gonna get pulled over for that damn music instead of his shitty driving. Haechan can I change my bet??! I just know he’s going to jail.”
Haechan sits in the bed of a tye-dyed truck counting a wad of cash, “No. Bets are final.”
Mark can see the child-like glee on Jaehyun’s face swirling around in those damn dimples and whines, “Aren’t you enjoying yourself too much? You’re supposed to be the referee. Neutral!”
Taeyong ignores them all and pulls the last slip of paper out, “Handcuffs?”
Mark looks up at him, finally managing to move on, “You get to drive handcuffed to someone in the passenger seat. Question is, who’s it gonna be?” The crowd starts screaming and pleading, everyone wishing to get picked.
“How about Ten?” Jaehyun asks cooly, forcing everyone into silence.
“My god that’s low, are you that mad about losing the last round?? It was just a couple thousand dollars at least you didn’t lose your ride,” Mark protests but everyone clears a path to Ten, who sits at the back with his headphones on, drawing in his sketchbook.
Ten feels eyes rake over him and looks up slowly, “What?”
“NO! Not a chance in hell. I’m not getting in that car while you guys race and I’m sure as hell not getting in, handcuffed to him!” Ten’s voice tiptoes the line of whining loudly and shouting. “I’m just here to design car wraps for the winner. That’s what you guys are paying for.”
Yuta’s customer service smile makes an appearance from his real life and pulls Ten over to the side, “Please.”
“No.”
“I heard you got into that fancy graduate school in Seoul. I also heard your parents aren’t gonna help you pay for it. Look, I just want Mark’s Porsche. It’s sexy, I’m gonna get hella laid and I want it. You can have Taeyong’s BMW if I win. Sell it and you can pay for that art school twice over and then some.” Yuta winds his proposal around Ten, hoping to reel him in with carefully tailored words.
There’s sighing and then there’s what Ten does. His chest cracks open and spills out all the air it can into a single disapproving breath.
“Fine. But don’t get your hopes up. Out of the three of you left he has the best odds, he has in every round. Oh and if you lose, you get to pay double what everyone else does for my work,” Ten spits his tongue out and finds his way over to Taeyong, “Cuff me.”
“Why did that just give me Deja Vu?” Taeyong responds with a smile.
“Be careful taking the turns and shifting gears,” Jaehyun reaches over Taeyong and clicks the metal around their wrists. “I’ll see you at the finish line with the keys. Have fun kids and try not to kill each other.”
The cars roll up to the starting line and turn their engines, well Mark and Yuta do.
Taeyong is busy trying to unsuccessfully open a strawberry candy with his teeth, a sight Ten has had enough of. He plucks the red translucent treat from Taeyong’s fingers and opens it easily then pops it into the racer’s mouth.
“You look so cool and yet so…” Ten trails off as the word cute blares across his mind, and sits back into his seat.
“What?” Taeyong looks at him with sparkling boba eyes.
“Nothing,” he answers as he looks out the window and locks eyes with Yuta next door. He spits his tongue out again but jerks back as Taeyong slams the gas pedal and peels out in front of everyone after getting the signal.
Ten rubs his neck and grimaces slightly, so that’s what whiplash feels like.
“You good?” Taeyong asks sincerely.
“Of course,” Ten turns his attention back to the window where street lights pass by in a blur, leaving glowing trails of light behind them, like shooting stars that can’t quite keep up.
Quiet nestles between them, the way it always seemed to as of late. The sound of the road and screeching of the tires provides the only background music to a multitude of invisible words hanging in the air, desperate to fall.
“You got into that art school.” Taeyong finally manages. “I’m happy for you. I got into their engineering program so maybe I’ll see you around. We can hang out,” he pulls the cuff slightly and shifts gears.
“Why would we do that? We’re not friends,” The words are harsh but Ten’s tone is matter of fact, without a single trace of venom or malice, as if he were talking about the weather or what he’ll have for dinner.
“Then what are we?” Taeyong questions carefully. Trying to navigate the road with Ten seems somehow trickier than the one in front of him.
“Nothing,” Ten focuses on the humming of the engine that helps him wade through his thoughts. “We were convenient so we fucked for a few months and then you ended it. That’s it.”
“You didn’t want anything else?” Taeyong’s question almost sounds like a statement but comes out loaded either way, as if something lurks behind it but refuses to reveal itself, adding more to the unspoken.
“You don’t do relationships, everyone knows that and I don’t make a habit of wanting things that aren’t going to happen,” Ten’s body hugs the door as the car drifts along a bend in the road.
Months ago, when Taeyong and Ten met, they watched as crackling sparks of electricity ignited between them, burning bright and searing hot.
They bewitched Ten, with enchanting lustrous curiosity that spun a golden thread around him, tethering him to something unseen yet inescapable. Eventually, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and allowing them to dance around his fingertips till he scooped them up and swallowed them whole. They buzzed around his stomach like fireflies and, for what seemed like the first time, he found warmth and comfort in another person.
‘How frightening,’ he’d constantly think, refusing to allow himself to put stock into something hollow, yet yearning for it to be anything but.
Taeyong, on the other hand, watched with insatiable hunger, eager to fan the flames they caused, wanting to burn everything in the way just to get a centimeter closer. Those sparks made his heartbeat in a unique rhythm that felt more right than anything else in the world.
The only thing that burned brighter than his desire, ended up being his fear. Fear of the uncertainty and the very words that hung like ornaments above them never to be known.
“Why are we talking about this?? Yuta said if he wins I can have your car and sell it to pay for school so you should hurry up before it becomes scrap metal,” Ten tries to lean closer as Taeyong takes a sharp turn.
“Shouldn’t you want me to lose then,” Taeyong asks as Yuta appears in his rearview mirror.
Ten takes note of the racer behind them, “No. You love this car. I don’t want you to lose something you love.”
“Is that so?” Taeyong steals a glance at Ten who sits obliviously beside him. “Does that go for anything?”
“I guess,” Ten watches as Yuta approaches quickly. “You should really hurry, I don’t see Mark but Yuta is pretty close.” Ten turns his attention back to Taeyong who seems unfazed.
“I’m not worried about Yuta,” Taeyong makes a sharp turn following the GPS directions. “We all have different routes we just meet towards the end, which means we’re close.”
He takes an abrupt sharp turn, “I could never tell what you were feeling. You were always upfront with your thoughts but your feelings….it always seemed like I was being kept at arm's length. I could never get closer than that.”
Taeyongs route makes a series of turns, each more angular and difficult than the last, especially for someone with only one free hand.
“What does it matter?” Ten holds a handle anchored into the roof of the car.
Taeyong looks over to Ten calmly, though something in his eye seems aflame, “It matters. To me, it matters a lot.”
Taeyong slams the gas pedal into the floor and heads down a straight strip of road where Ten can finally see the finish line.
“Look, just forget it and hurry up,” Ten urges, catching a glimpse of Yuta’s neon yellow Audi.
Taeyong takes a deep breath, “Ten, I love you.”
Ten gives himself whiplash this time by how fast he turns to Taeyong, “What did you say?”
Everything slows softly, almost as soft as Taeyong’s words, “Be with me. Let’s go to Seoul and live together.”
There’s stunned and then there’s what Ten is. The whole world stops along with his breath as if one wrong move might cause a rip through space and time because this cannot be real. Ten doesn’t move, or blink, or breathe as Taeyong leans over and kisses his cheek.
It’s not until a bright flash of yellow passes by does Ten turn his head and realize the car stopped mere inches away from the finish line, never having crossed.
“Everyone and I do mean everyone hates you right now,” Yuta places a beer in front of Taeyong who sits at the bar alone. “You have no idea how much money people lost just so you could what?? Tell some pretty boy you like him?”
“I just know someone is gonna hit me,” Taeyong sips the beer and feels the heated gaze of the other people around them, “You gave Ten my car right?”
“Yeah. He looks like a deer in the headlights. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this quiet,” Yuta watches him nod and shrink in on himself just a bit. “You know you’re banned right?”
Taeyong lets out a breathy laugh, “Yeah. I didn’t care much for it anyway. I just wanted to talk to him and he hung out with you guys.”
“You’re hopeless,” Yuta rolls his eyes. “Instead of hanging around here hoping he’ll come find you, want a ride home? I got a shiny new riiide…” he sings.
“Stealing Mark’s Porsche isn’t gonna make him fall for you, especially since he only lost because that cop pulled him over,” Taeyong gets up as Yuta chokes on his beer. “And thanks but I brought my bike since we were racing for keeps, just in case.”
Yuta can feel the sting of the beer burn his nose, “Go home then and be careful! No one likes you right now!”
Taeyong lets out a delicate albeit almost sad laugh, “It was worth it. Even if he did walk away.”
The creaking of Taeyong’s bike echoes through the quiet street as someone follows him. They inch closer and closer till they tap his bicycle lightly, but with enough force to throw him off balance and make him fall.
He gets up to dust himself off and is stunned to see his own car, well ex-car, waiting beside him.
Ten rolls down the window, “Get in.”
“You just hit me with a car.”
“Just get in,” Ten gets out and pushes him in the passenger seat.
“I cannot believe you hit me with a car,” Taeyong continues whining.
“It was just a tap, don't be a baby,” Ten starts driving and it doesn’t take long for Taeyong to realize where they’re headed.
Surely Ten doesn’t know, but this is where it all changed for Taeyong, this small secluded space by the lake, a space that felt like it existed only for the two of them.
This is where he realized he was in love with someone he could touch but never have. This is where the flames in his chest burnt everything inside him till nothing but a blank slate remained.
Ten turns off and leaves the car without a word as Taeyong watches him take a seat on a fallen tree and slowly follows suit. “Do you remember this place? This is the last place we were together before everything ended.” Ten fiddles with his necklace nervously, “I need you to explain it to me because there is this massive block in my mind keeping me from understanding what the hell just happened.”
Taeyong nods and takes a deep breath, “After all those months of being together...I wanted more. I needed more. It was strange, realizing what we were doing wasn’t enough. So I had to do something. I was scared but it had to end for there to even be room for something else. It didn’t occur to me that I could hurt you and I didn’t expect that you’d stop talking to me. I’m sorry,” Taeyong self-consciously inches closer and reaches over to trace his finger over Ten’s.
Ten moves, the slightest devastating breath away but doesn't remove his hand, “If I’m being honest it was nerve-wracking being together. I never felt like that with anyone and we weren’t anything but fuck buddies so managing my expectations was hard. It was better to break my own heart than let someone else do it. Then when you ended it, it was like all my fears just confirmed themselves.” Ten hands a piece of paper to Taeyong. “Take back your car. I’m going to Seoul one way or another but thank you. You absolutely did not have to be so dramatic but thank you.”
“Sorry,” Taeyong laughs breathily. “It felt like I was running out of time.”
Ten takes his hand and intertwines their fingers, “Well seeing as how I love you too, we have all the time in the world. Should we go together?”
“You what?” Taeyong blinks hard and holds Ten’s hand pulling him close. “Please say it again, I didn’t hear you.”
“Shut up, you heard me,” Ten tries to wiggle out of Taeyong's arms but it’s no use so he sits back and gets comfortable against his chest. “Do you have my portfolio?”
Ten can hear Taeyongs heart race under his ear, “I never applied to that art school. I always thought it was one of my friends who did it for me but now that I think about it, I probably left it in your car….along with half of the clothes I own.”
“I knew you could do it, I wanted you to have all the options in the world...including me,” Taeyong nuzzles Ten’s temple.
Ten lifts his head up and turns to Taeyong, “If you’re too good to me I won’t be able to live without you.”
“That sounds good to me,” Taeyong smiles into a deep unyielding kiss that makes them both breathless.