Work Text:
Name:
Jane Foster
From:
Manhattan, NY
Age:
32
Interested in:
Men
I’m an astrophysicist who just moved to New York from New Mexico for work. I like reading, taking walks through the park, going out at night to watch the stars. Since I’m new to the area, I’ve been looking for some friends to show me around. Maybe we can get drinks sometime and talk about our lives. I’m open to almost anything and happy to discuss things either here or in DMs.
Comments (2)
Mancandy25 01-09-2021
You like stars, huh? I can show you some stars. Hit me up, babe: /s3425t643fd
Dave-Roberts 01-11-2021
R ur boobs that small irl? If so, no thankz.
**
L-Odinson 07-10-2021
Hello, Jane. A pleasure to meet you. May I ask what your research entails?
JaneFoster81 07-10-2021
Wow, I just happened to look at this page for the first time in months. Didn’t think I’d have a new comment, and one from today no less. Nice to meet you, too! :) I’m currently studying wormholes and their potential usage for interstellar travel. It’s all technically theoretical right now, but I’m making progress. My boss is more than happy to fund my research. Sometimes I worry I’m going a bit too far off the deep end, but let’s just say he’s a bit of an eccentric himself.
Anyway, tell me more about yourself. I mean, aside from the fact that you’re apparently a Norse god. Lol
L-Odinson 07-10-2021
It seems you are already aware of who I am and my past exploits. I don’t know what more there is to tell. But if you insist, I work in finance, though I am thinking of moving on to other ventures. My current place of employment has become stagnant and I feel my talents would be better served elsewhere. Believe it or not, it becomes tiresome talking to people whose main concern is buying a second boat.
JaneFoster81 07-10-2021
I don’t know about that, but I have had to deal with my fair share of asshole professors. Fortunately, they no longer control my funding so I feel no shame in saying that about them.
L-Odinson 07-10-2021
There is no greater feeling than superiority, is there?
JaneFoster81 07-10-2021
Now I can’t tell if you’re serious or if you just have a really weird sense of humor.
L-Odinson 07-10-2021
It can be both, my dear. It can be both.
**
JaneFoster81 07-11-2021
So are you looking for a casual thing or something more serious?
L-Odinson 07-11-2021
I’m playing it by ear. What about you? Anything special you have in mind?
JaneFoster81 07-11-2021
Well, when I first made this profile, I wasn’t thinking too far ahead. I’d just moved and left all my friends behind, so I was kind of lonely. Not to mention my last relationship ended pretty badly. Don’t really want to get into that. Anyway, I guess a dating app wasn’t the best place to go to find new friends, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
L-Odinson 07-11-2021
Hmm. It seems your motivations were far more pure than mine. I made this account to tell beautiful women they light a fire in me.
JaneFoster81 07-11-2021
I haven’t heard that yet.
L-Odinson 07-11-2021
You just did.
JaneFoster81 07-11-2021
Lol. Well, aren’t you charming?
L-Odinson 07-11-2021
I very much am. And I’m happy to speak casually with you while you decide what you are looking for.
JaneFoster81 07-11-2021
That’s sweet of you, but it might take some time.
L-Odinson 07-11-2021
I am a patient man.
**
L-Odinson 07-12-2021
I saw your article in Astronomy Magazine. It was quite impressive. I must have read it three times now. I hope to find your name in more scientific journals to come.
**
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
Hey, sorry for taking so long to respond. I keep forgetting to check this thing. Anyway, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I’d love to talk more, but I’m getting ready for a meeting. Later on, I can send you links to some of my other papers.
L-Odinson 07-15-2021
How important?
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
Very important. A bunch of big time investors are interested in our work. I’m at the meeting now. Only one guy is here so far and he’s on his phone. Trying not to stare.
L-Odinson 07-15-2021
Is he handsome?
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
Lol really?
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
I mean yeah, he is. At least as far as I can tell. He hasn’t looked up yet.
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
Wait, he just did. He’s looking at me and smiling. He looks kind of familiar.
L-Odinson 07-15-2021
Oh, does he?
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
Wait a minute…
JaneFoster81 07-15-2021
WHAT THE FUCK??
L-Odinson 07-15-2021
Language, dear. We’re in a meeting.
**
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Okay, so I don’t know whether to kill you or kiss you right now.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
I can tell you which one I prefer.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Just tell me you didn’t offer all that money because of our conversations here.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
We haven’t had that many, Jane. I’d be a fool to invest so heavily in a passing fancy. The money is yours because you deserve it. I would love to spend my twilight years travelling the stars. You will make that happen.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
At least you’re realistic about how long it’ll take.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Look, I don’t mean to seem ungrateful. I really am, so much more than you know.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
I mean, having one billionaire believe in me and fund me was enough of a miracle, but two? I’m still waiting to wake up back in New Mexico in my trailer behind the old furniture store.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
Furniture store? That does sound terrible.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
It’s just that maybe we shouldn’t talk like this anymore. Since we have a working relationship now, it might be inappropriate.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
Says who?
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Says… everyone basically.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
I just think for both of our sakes, that it’s better if we keep things professional. I’ve been talking to a guy on another site anyway. I hope you understand.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
I take it you have a date with this ‘other guy.’
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Well… yeah, tomorrow.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
It’s just time to move on, you know?
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
If that is your wish.
L-Odinson 07-16-2021
I wish you and your new friend well, and I will see you at the next board meeting.
JaneFoster81 07-16-2021
Thanks, Mr. Odinson.
**
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
Are you there?
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
Please tell me you’re there.
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
Well, this is unexpected. I thought you’d be on your date right now.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
I am and you have to get me out of here. This guy is freaking me out.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
He keeps talking about introducing me to his parents as his ‘future wife’ and he asked for a lock of my hair to make a necklace out of. A necklace for him, not me.
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
That is a bit odd.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
Also, he’s been a jackass to the waitress all night and I’m pretty sure he’s a flat-earther.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
God, he seemed so normal in our chat.
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
They often do.
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
If you don’t mind me saying, I’m surprised you’d come to me for help. Are your friends unavailable?
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
They’re all half a country away. I haven’t had much time to meet new people and Tony is in Madrid until Monday. You’re the only one I know who's nearby, so please.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
Before I went to hide in the bathroom he asked me if I’m interested in vore. I just googled what that is. Help me!
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
Calm yourself, my dear. What restaurant is it?
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
It’s called Rose Petal Cafe on Eighth.
L-Odinson 07-17-2021
Right. Stay where you are and I will be there soon.
JaneFoster81 07-17-2021
Really soon, I hope.
L-Odinson 07-17-21
I am in the car on my way to you now.
JaneFoster81 07-17-21
Thanks so much. You really are a great guy.
**
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You are such an asshole, I can’t believe it!
L-Odinson 07-18-21
That’s an interesting way to say thank you, but I accept. You are very welcome, my dear.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Why would you make the restaurant close like that? I asked you to help me leave a bad date, not have him arrested!
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Well, as it turns out, this date of yours was wanted for several counts of check fraud across three states. I was only doing my duty as an upstanding member of society.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Pretending to be an FBI agent and handcuffing him to the hostess stand was being an upstanding member of society??
L-Odinson 07-18-21
I was afraid he would run. Or else try to harm you.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Oh yeah, he sure looked dangerous pissing himself like that.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Ugh forget it. I’m just glad it’s over.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Are you angry with me?
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Would you care if I was?
L-Odinson 07-18-21
That depends on whether or not I can make it up to you.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
If this is a lead-in to asking me out to dinner, I swear, I’m going to kick your ass tomorrow.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
I was thinking coffee, but I can check my schedule and see if I can squeeze a dinner in.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
God you are such a pain in the ass. I can’t believe I’m still talking to you.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
My last comment made you laugh, didn’t it?
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Shut up.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Oh, you’re still laughing. Good to know.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You’re an asshole!
L-Odinson 07-18-21
And you’re repetitive. I can be repetitive, too. I’d be honored if you would join me for dinner or coffee or even just a friendly discussion about your research at your earliest convenience.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You’re really that determined to get a date with me, huh?
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Yes. Yes, I am.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
I invested in your research because I believe in what you’re trying to do. I continue to talk to you here because I find you just as remarkable in your everyday life as I do in the lab. I could sing your praises all day long, list every lovely thing about you, and not only would I never finish, but all I’d be saying again and again is that I like you. I like you very much.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
I only hope that you like me, too.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You’re… okay.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Maybe even more than that.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
But next time I need help getting out of something, just call me in for a meeting.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Inform you that a meteor is heading for earth and will cause catastrophic damage to the planet’s ecosystem unless you and I fly into space together to divert its course. Understood.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You think you’re so funny.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
You’re the one who’s laughing again.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Yeah, I guess I am.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
Maybe you could make me laugh again tonight.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
I would like nothing more.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You know, all these conversations we’ve been having are technically public. Maybe we should keep things a little more private from now on.
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Hmm, you do make a fair point. Why did we never switch to DMs?
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
That’s a good question.
JaneFoster81 07-18-2021
You don’t think anyone else is reading all this, do you?
L-Odinson 07-18-21
Only if they have absolutely nothing better to do.
**
DarcyyyyLewis 07-19-21
Woah dude! I can’t believe this is real! yahoo.com/news/billionaire-and-scientist-have-online-romance
DarcyyyyLewis 07-19-21
Why can’t I find any hot single rich guys online? Clearly, I’ve been using the wrong dating app.
**
This account has been deleted.