Archive of Our Own

      September 3, 2016.

     Lee Minho isn’t a liar.

     He’s the farthest from a liar that you will ever get. If he could describe himself in two words, it would be Brutal Honesty. It takes a while to figure it out; the stern expression he usually wears betrays none of his mind, his closed-off demeanour prevents people from figuring him out, but everything Minho shows is real.

     There’s a reason he was unanimously voted to continue as his school newspaper’s editor for the second year in a row (something Minho gave a heartfelt gratitude speech for, meaning every word.) There’s a reason his critic pieces are notoriously feared to make or break a club’s reputation. There’s a reason his school’s production of The Lion King was forced to shut down early after his scalding review prevented people from showing up (he’d remember. The drama club sent him death threats for weeks after the incident.)

     It all leads up to the fact that Minho wears his heart on his sleeve and his thoughts on his face. That makes him your best friend or worst enemy. Minho doesn’t try to pretend to like people he knows he’ll never tolerate. He doesn’t try to hide when he does favour someone either, allowing him to pick up many acquaintances and even friends. People find him intimidating. Maybe he is. He simply doesn’t like pretenders, doesn’t ever want to become one. In his opinion, life is simpler without secrets, and his inner thoughts are as public as the school newspaper that gets released every month.

     In fact, it is right now at 10 pm at night that Minho’s friend, Han Jisung, is reciting those very facts to him as Minho takes the biggest step of his life.

     “Remember, Minho, you’re our school's editor because you don’t mind tearing people to pieces!”

     “Calm down, Jisung, or I might just accidentally end up writing some of what you’re telling me.”

     “Fine, let me talk in newspaper lingo to make it easier for you. Honesty is your headline and your entire hook and information stems from it. Do it well and those college administrators will eat it up like a five-course meal!”

     “Ya think?”

     “Of course! English professors love honesty. They want to read free thought and expression and they don’t like pretenders either. You are the very definition of a non-pretender and- are you done writing yet!?”

     Minho can’t help but laugh over the stress. From an outsider’s perspective, it would seem like Han Jisung is a distraction and these types of tasks are best done alone. But Minho knows he needs Jisung by his side. Without him there pushing Minho to hurry up and without his set deadline, Minho will never finish this and it will become an ongoing battle of nerves. Minho knows that Jisung probably has only about 5 minutes, give or take 15 seconds, before he loses his patience entirely, and that lasers Minho’s focus to do his best work in that time span.

     “Minho, it’s the best it can be. Just submit it.”

     “You really think so?” Jisung, unlike Minho, has no problem telling lies. But he will never lie to Minho.

     In seconds, Minho feels a warm hand in his, squeezing it with all the confidence in the world (read: universe.) “I’m really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really-”

     “Okay, okay!” Minho says, giving up on his tense posture entirely and falling back on the bed. “I’m hitting submit!”

     “Go, Minho! Go, Minho!”

     One press of a button. Now, Minho’s future is in the hands of some faceless people miles away. That fact will continue to weigh on his mind, chewing down on his fingernails and making his head spin until the acceptance, or rejection, letter comes in.

     But for now, a boy with bright cheeks and an even brighter smile is looking at him like he’s climbed Mount Everest; like he’s done the best in the world, so maybe Minho can hold off on the nail-biting until tomorrow. “Okay, I've submitted my application. You know what that means!”

     Jisung’s eyes light up even wider than his cheeks and in hoots of celebration, he throws a handful of popcorn into the air. “We can officially enjoy the last day of summer vacation! Let’s go baby!”

     “Jerk, we need to eat that popcorn!”

     And that’s how the new school year begins. Minho knows the university of his choice is releasing early applications. He knows that he wants to be the first person in the senior year who has already submitted their applications. He knows he wants that burden off his back to truly enjoy his final year of school. And when Minho knows what he wants, that’s exactly what he’ll get, with Jisung by his side.

     “So you know Yale has a good literature program?”

     “One of the best,” Minho says, already daydreaming about it. “Their newspapers are also highly reputed, and they even hold press conferences for editors. If I succeed there, journalism school will be at my fingerprints.”

     Jisung sighs. “You really do have everything all planned out, don’t you?”

     “Yes, I do. But it’s not like it’s a bad thing not to be prepared. You’re only going into the 10th grade, Sungie. You have lots of time to decide.”

     “I’ve already decided. I’m going to Yale.”

     Minho chokes on a popcorn kernel. Luckily, Jisung is well versed in the art of first aid and hits Minho on the back several times before Minho can get lung damage.

     “I’m not that dumb. Was that reaction warranted?”

     “No, it’s not that. Sorry…” On the contrary, Minho has no doubt Jisung can probably get into Yale if he tried. Sure, he doesn’t have Minho’s grades or his fiery passion for a certain field, but he has a huge list of extracurriculars and volunteer hours that the boundaries of time run away from in fear. Ivy Leagues eat that stuff up even more heartily than honesty. “It’s just that… I wasn’t aware you figured out what you want to study.”

     “I haven’t,” Jisung says simply. “But Yale is where you are and wherever you go, I’ll follow.”

     Good thing Minho has made sure not to put another piece of popcorn in his mouth for this conversation, because he’s not sure even Jisung’s Heimlich Maneuver can save him this time. “B- but!”

     “Did I stutter?”

     “But you don’t even know if I’ll even get in-”

     “You’re a shoe-in.”

     “But even so - don’t you want to find your own path? Why go down mine just because I’m on it?”

     “Lee Minho, your path will always be mine.”

     The way Jisung says those words makes Minho shut up. Minho can write the most controversial of pieces, can set fire to the best of stories. He will debate stone-cold facts and evidence with his own statistics and opinions until he’s blue in the face, his hand is shrivelled up from writing and his mind can argue no more. But when Jisung says a statement with the type of certainty that will shatter a debate podium, Minho has no arguments to give.

     “... really?”

     “Yeah!” Jisung grins. “You know me. I’m an explorer. I know that even after I get to university, I’ll still be exploring. So I might as well do it with you on my side.”

     Silence.

     Minho shuts his laptop, looking Jisung right in the eye. “So you promise? You’ll always be by my side?”

     Jisung gives a sly smile. “If you don’t get sick of me.”

     “I never will!” This time, it’s Minho who takes Jisung’s hands in his own. The statement may be a joke but Minho isn’t very good at jokes. They’re never honest yet can hold all the honesty in the world. Minho prefers things black and white.

     “Han Jisung, you’re my Soulmate, and I’ll never get tired of you. The stars have bound our lives together and as much as I think the whole thing with the stars and universe is a load of crap, it’s also true. And as long as it’s true, I’ll always be by your side and you’ll be by mine.”

     So about Minho’s honesty? This is the side of him people love, if they’re lucky enough to see it. One where Minho looks you in the eyes, tells you you matter, makes you feel like the best person in the world, and you know he means every word. Tears sprout from Jisung’s eyes because even though he’s probably seen this side the most, Minho knows he’s emotional.

     “And I’ll always be by yours-”

     If Jisung was going to say anything more, it’s cut off by a scream. One followed by Jisung clutching his hand like a lifeline, grunts of pain accompanying more tears.

     “Jisung! What’s happening-”

     Before Minho can even begin to panic, he too understands a moment later. His left hand feels like it’s on fire and he can’t stop a scream from escaping his mouth either. The room swims in his vision because the only thing in his mind is his desperate wish for the pain to stop; an iron-hot blade on the back of his hand.

     Then, as soon as it's started, it’s over. Both boys are breathing heavily, the back of their hands still covered by the other. But neither of them makes an attempt to remove their hand. Because they know what this means.

     In fact, Jisung starts laughing, this one warm of sunshine and as high as bells. “Did we… get it?”

     Minho lets a smile trickle in before it explodes into a full-toothed grin. “I think so!”

     “Oh my gosh, Minho! We have our lifemarks!”

      Lifemarks. The final stage of a Soulmate journey. One where one’s Soulemate’s lifespan becomes forever etched on the back of their hand. The final rope tying two people together because now, they know something about each other that nobody else will know. A secret between friends, between lovers, between family, between soulmates.

     All Soulmate pairs get their lifemarks at different times. Nobody knows what triggers them. It’s entirely up to the stars, complete crap to Minho but as usual, it’s true. Some people get it upon first glance of their special person, others wait decades without a sign.

     Today was the day both boys swore to always be there for each other, no matter what life throws at them. Now, today’s the day they will get to see how long that life will be. They have reached their final stage and now, it’s time to see how long after that they will have.

     “I’m too nervous,” Jisung says, teeth chattering. “You first!”

     “Youngest first,” Minho says with a strained smile, horrible at masking his own fear. This is the time. It’s a lot more nerve-wracking than what the media portrays. Two teenagers waiting to see what the stars have spelled out for each other.

     Jisung sucks in a large breath and uncovers his hand. Either way, Minho can’t see what’s on the flesh. A lifemark is only visible to the one holding it.

     “Come on, how long do I have?” Minho asks, trying so hard to crack a joke, but like he's said before, he’s terrible at jokes.

     Jisung’s eyes pop out of his socket. “That’s a huge number of years! Minho, are you immortal or something!?”

     Minho can’t help but laugh. “Idiot, a lifemark shows in days. You’ll have to divide by 365.”

     “Oh… right,” Jisung says with a nervous chuckle. Minho would think he’s lost his head if Jisung ever had one in the first place. “Where’s my calculator…” He shuffles around absently until he finds one. “Okay…”

     Minho feels like he’s just gotten a university letter. Will he be accepted or rejected? His heart is beating so loud, he’s sure the entire street can hear it. Oh, that thundering sound? Young Minho must have gotten a lifemark!

      “... 80 years.”

     Acceptance. Minho falls flat on the floor. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! That’s great!”

     “Told you fruits help you live longer,” Jisung says, his nerves apparently all gone.

     Minho frowns, looking at his still-covered hand. “It’s your turn.”

     “Do it, I’m ready. Here’s a calculator. Though I doubt you need it.”

     Minho smiles. One more and they’re free. They can brag to the entire town tomorrow now that they’re truly one.

     “Okay. Here goes nothing…”

     Minho takes the calculator.

     He uncovers his hand.

     He stares at it for a moment. Dark bold numbers take up the entire surface.

     Jisung’s right. Minho doesn’t need the calculator.

     “Well…” Jisung is almost giddy in anticipation.

     Minho looks up at Jisung and smiles. “85 years.” His voice cracks and Jisung cheers.

     “Hah! I knew I’d outlive you!”

     Jisung can usually read Minho like a book. Minho wants Jisung to read him now, to look between the lines and crack the secret on the final page. He wants Jisung to figure out the entire story now because Minho can’t bear to read it to him.

     “Let’s stay up later to celebrate! Screw school, we’re growing old, baby!”

     Nope. Jisung is too elated to do any reading. His world has been made.

     But Minho’s has been shattered. But even so, he smiles. “Of course…”

     “And we have so much more time in the future! Minho, we have a full life ahead of us!”

     And Minho wants to cry.

     That was the first time in his entire life that Minho told a lie. To his Soulmate, no less.

     He realized he was good at lying.

      2006.

      Soulmates were one of Minho’s biggest aggravations.

     As a kid, he just doesn’t get it. He knows his parents are Soulmates. But he has no idea what that connotes.

     “A Soulmate is like your other half,” his mother patiently explains to him. “Someone who truly understands you. Think about it this way. There is someone in this world who is waiting just for you and you are waiting for them. You’re made for each other.”

     Minho frowns. “Like… a lover?”

     His mother scrunches her eyes together, thinking. “It can be a lover, like your father and I. But it doesn’t have to be. Lovers can understand each other, but so can friends, so can siblings. The stars have matched you with someone from birth, and it can be anybody.”

     Minho still doesn’t get it. He knows the stars, sees them every night in his small town sky. How can such little lights in the infinite sky match two people together? That too, for everyone in the world. It’s too big of a job, too taxing, and a bright spot in the universe can’t do it all.

     He expresses that concern to his mother. She sighs and then proceeds to search up Soulmates on the internet.

      A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

      Minho doesn’t know what “ideally” means. He doesn’t understand “suited.” He definitely doesn’t understand how friends and lovers can be the same thing.

     His mother closes the laptop. “Just think about it as magic, Minho.”

     But Minho doesn’t believe in magic. Never has. He woke up when his father had tried to put money under his pillow when he lost his first tooth. For his first conscious Christmas, he sat out on his home porch under the snowfall, looking for a sled in the sky. He concluded that it doesn’t exist. 

     At this point, his mother just becomes agitated. “You’ll figure it out, sweetie. You just have to wait.”

     That’s the only answer Minho ever gets. He asks everyone he knows (It’s a small town. He knows everyone.) It’s all the same.

     “The universe matched you with someone.”

     “Like a string tying two people together.”

     “It’s fate.”

     “It’s magic .”

     Minho most certainly doesn’t understand metaphors. He’s quite tired of them. He doesn’t get why people need to shower their words in fancy language when the core meaning is quick and easy. Perhaps that’s why he’s always leaned towards journalism. The news isn’t fancy or colourful. It’s black and white and something either is or isn’t. But nobody can explain Soulmates to Minho without the euphemisms and fantasies that come with it.

     So when Minho is in the third grade, he doesn’t think about Soulmates and doesn’t know how to find one either. The only thing he focuses on is fishing out his art supplies for his class’s special project.

     The blue pencil crayon is missing.

     Minho needs the blue pencil crayon. His project isn’t complete without it. He’s planned everything to the last detail and the colour blue is part of it. He’s ruined without it. He can feel his body shaking from the lack of the pencil crayon in his sight.

     “Uh… Miss. My teacher sent me.”

     Minho’s teacher is looking at the door and she smiles. “Jisung, come in.”

     Oh, it’s just a kid from the first-grade class who comes to Minho’s classroom to deliver a message everyday. The first grade class assigns jobs to the students and Class Runner is one of them. They must have switched up the jobs because it’s a new kid who’s delivering the message today. Minho doesn’t bother to pay attention because he still doesn’t have the blue pencil crayon.

     “Uh... do you need a blue crayon?”

     Minho snaps to attention. Had he accidentally voiced his thoughts out loud!? He’s done that before for sure.

     But no, it’s just the first grader, Jisung, he’s pretty sure, standing in front of him. “You looked like you were missing the colour. I have one.” It’s almost like Jisung can tell it’s the reason for Minho’s frantic state.

     In his hand is a blue pencil crayon and Jisung is giving it away like it is nothing. Like he wouldn’t mind not having it, like he could adjust without it. Maybe Jisung also needs all of his pencil crayons for his own art projects, but unlike Minho, he seems to be someone who can go with the times, fixing plans at the tip of a hat if the situation calls for it.

     Minho, on the other hand, takes the blue crayon without hesitation because he can’t imagine having to switch plans, to change at a moment's notice. How different the two already are. “Are you okay with giving it to me …”

     “It’s no problem!” The kid smiles and that’s when Minho notices how Jisung’s cheeks puff out at the action, making his face look like a balloon. A smiley-faced one.

     Yes, they are different. But… Minho can’t look away. What is happening to him? Logic can’t explain it. Logic has no way of making sense of why Jisung has suddenly become a magnet and Minho is its south pole. Opposites attracting.

     And when logic can’t explain it, Minho knows the only thing that makes sense. 

     “Well… bye!” If Jisung feels the same pull as Minho, he doesn’t show it. But as said before, Minho is different, and whatever he feels has to be acted on.

     So when Jisung is about to leave, he can't. Because Minho’s hand is on his arm. Not letting go. He can’t let go.

     “Um…” Jisung is at a loss for words, his eyes stunned. He looks straight at Minho and that must have been when he also feels it. He lets out a gasp, quickly covering his mouth with his free hand.

     “Minho, what are you doing to Jisung?” The teacher has noticed the commotion and is at the desk. The entire class's eyes are turned forward.

     Minho feels his face heat up. “Miss, he’s my Soulmate!”

     Collective gasps. Even the teacher raises a brow but doesn’t say anything to contradict Minho’s statement. Soulmates are never a joking matter and nobody can pretend to understand what each person feels like once they’ve encountered their own.

     Instead, the teacher looks to Jisung. “Do you agree with Minho, Jisung?”

     Saying nothing, Jisung only gulps and then gives a firm nod. “Uh- um… sorry!”

     And with that, he pulls out of Minho’s grip and runs out of the classroom. But Minho still keeps his arm out as if he’s still holding the person he just might be tied to for life.

     Soon, he’s the talk of the class. Everyone is full of questions. How did it feel? How did he know? Why did Jisung run out? Were they really Soulmates? Minho has no answers. Even from a young age, he can only explain what he sees, hears and thinks. How can he explain a feeling? How can he explain complete certainty stemming from nothing but a pull of a magnet and the puffed-up face of a boy? For the first time, he can completely understand why Soulmates are such an unexplainable concept.

     Minho hopes he didn’t do anything wrong. Scare Jisung away, possibly. Surely he knows they’re Soulmates, right? Does he understand? Minho can hardly remember what he understood about it when he was six years old.

     But school lets out and in the parking lot, a voice calls out for him.

     “Your name is… Minho, right?”

     Minho looks down on Jisung. Even with only a two-year age gap, the height difference is painfully noticeable, but Jisung doesn’t shrink away. He stands up straight and Minho feels like his equal. Jisung is holding a picnic basket of some sort.

     “Um… I had prepared a bunch of gifts for my future Soulmate. I thought my mom would bake something and I’d find a bunch of toys. But since I never knew I’d find you today, I had to make do with this.” He trusts the basket forward.

     Lost for words, Minho takes off the cloth on top. He stares at the contents dumbfounded.

     Seashells. The town has a lot of them scattered around, being so close to the beach. They’re such a natural occurrence that Minho hardly thinks about them, doesn’t try to scavenge for or even notice them. Now, all in one place and presented to him, Minho realizes they’re quite beautiful. Different colours and each is different from the rest. It’s like a mosaic in a basket.

     “What am I supposed to do with a bunch of seashells?”

     Minho hates his brain-to-mouth filter sometimes. Because there isn’t one. There are so many nice things he can say but it’s always the harshest question in his mind that comes out first.

     But Jisung doesn’t look hurt. He only shrugs. “Keep them in your room? It can be a memory of our first time meeting. My mom likes memories. I’m supposed to make a lot, but I’m not sure what that means…”

     A series of honks come from the drive-through lane. It’s Minho’s parents coming to pick him up. They gaze curiously from the window at Minho with a stranger.

     “Jisung, come on!” In the distance is another couple waiting on the sidewalk; probably Jisung’s parents.

     Minho doesn’t want to leave. This might be one of the most important moments of his life. He looks at Jisung instead.

     “Want to ask your parents if we can go for ice cream? I’ll ask mine too.”

     Jisung’s face brightens up. “Yes! Be right back!” He almost takes off into a run before Minho calls him one more time.

     “Oh, and I forgot to thank you for the blue pencil.”

     Jisung responds with such a casual smile, one would think he gives out pencil crayons every day like candy. “You looked like you really needed it.”

     “You guessed right.”

     “Yeah, I heard Soulmates can do that.”

      Soulmates. Minho matches the word with Jisung now chatting animatedly to his parents. It fits perfectly, like a puzzle piece snapped satisfyingly into place. He likes this. He likes this a lot.

     So when the two of them are at the ice cream parlour (their parents are spying on them from the back of the store,) they lick their sweet treats in complete silence yet they understand all their unspoken words at the same time. Minho keeps the basket of shells in his lap, not wanting to see them fall. The more he looks at them, the more beautiful they seem. Even ten years later, the basket still has a front-row seat on his room desk.

     Minho looks at the smaller boy, ice cream all over his face, his cheeks chewing the food more than his lips, and he can’t believe this is the boy he’s fated to for the rest of his life. It’s not a bad thing but it’s still hard to believe the universe has matched him with someone whose name he had never even known until today. It’s crazy how the stars just know when two people are meant to be. None of it makes sense.

     Then again, from the moment they met, Minho knows that nothing about Han Jisung makes sense either. So maybe it does make sense.

      September 4th, 2016.      

     The world may be conflicted on many issues, but the one thing it unanimously agrees on is the charm of small towns. They’re talked about, written about and romanticized to hell because they seem perfect. A close-knit community, a sense of home, and the ideal scenery of reuniting lovers in every rom-com known to humanity.

     Minho feels special being a small-town dweller. It’s like he has the inside scoop, knows the ups and downs of a life people can only dream about in their bustling city apartments. And honestly, he wishes he could agree with every idolized aspect of this kind of life.

     But there are things he hates. Yes, he knows everyone. Everyone knows him. And everyone may just be the nosiest people Minho has ever seen walk the earth. And on his way to his first day of school, it's moments like these that make him wish he was a city kid, because he’s seconds away from bursting into tears.

     “Minho, is your hand bandaged!?”

     “Oh my gosh, young Minho has his lifemark!”

     “Minho sweetie, when did it happen?”

     “I always knew it was about time for you and Jisung!”

     Some even have the audacity to ask Minho what their results were. Everyone knows lifemarks are private, never asked about, only shared if the holder is willing. All Minho does is offer thankful smiles and nods, not feeling thankful in the slightest. 

     The cloth wrapped around his hand is the telltale sign that he has a lifemark and is really the only thing anyone has to show that they have been marked. The numbers on the mark count down every day. Nobody wants to see their partner’s lifespan shorten every day, no matter how great the number, so wrapping it up is pretty much a necessity. Jisung, as usual, helped Minho bandage his hand with the ease of a trained first aider. Minho just wished that as the number disappeared from his sight, so would its truth.

     That was the first night he ever sent a prayer to the stars, begging for a change of heart. Him, a non-believer. How much he has broken.

     He stumbles his way into the town diner, waving over further congratulations and inquiries. He sits at the counter and slumps his head on the desk.

     “I know I’m not of legal drinking age yet, but please hit me up with something.”

     In seconds, a very familiar worker is by his side, done bussing tables. He has shaggy black hair, a worker's apron, is a year younger, and just so happens to be Minho’s best friend.

     Seo Changbin frowns at Minho’s state. “Whoa there, pal. I know Ms. Deller asks questions that make you wish for a brick wall to slam into your head, but even that’s a bit desperate.”

     Because Minho is desperate. He scrambles to hide his left hand but Changbin has already seen it. His eyes widen.

     “You finally got your lifemark! Congrats! No wonder the townspeople must have been straggling you!”

     Bless Changbin for the decency to not ask what the number is. But even so, the number flashes again in Minho’s head and just like that, tears swell in his eyes. Changbin notices.

     “What’s wrong?”

     Minho has already lied for the first time. He never wants to do it again. “Changbin, I- the number- please -”

     Changbin is already on his feet. Shielding Minho’s face from the rest of the nosy customers, he leads him into the kitchen at the back, technically off limits to non-employees, but Changbin has broken many diner rules for Minho.

     “Am I allowed to ask what the number is?”

     Minho nods in between sobs, knowing he would share anything with Changbin.

     People often get confused when they hear Minho has a Soulmate and a best friend. Oftentimes, Minho can’t explain the difference, not in proper words at least. All he can do is explain the instances that distinguish the two. Jisung can guess Minho’s feelings at a glance. Minho often has to tell Changbin his feelings. Minho sits with Changbin during lunchtime because Jisung has his own group of 00 liners. Minho seeks Changbin, whether at school, or the diner. Jisung just so happens to be wherever Minho is. Other than that, Minho can’t describe what separates the person he has a natural connection with, and the people he’s made connections with.

     Jisung also has a best friend. Lee Felix. Who just so happens to be Changbin’s Soulmate, so it all works out. The two got their lifemarks years ago (“75 years!” they both proudly bragged.) Minho doesn’t envy Felix and Jisung doesn’t envy Changbin. When you’re connected to someone past normal means, there’s little that threatens you.
   

     So now, Minho is about to tell Changbin a secret he didn’t even tell his own Soulmate. He hopes Jisung won’t mind.

     “Tell me the number, Min. It’s okay.” Changbin puts his arm around Minho’s shoulder and Minho holds his composure enough to say it.

     “365… days. Well, now 364.”

     Changbin freezes, his hold on Minho stone cold. “Oh gosh, Min, I’m so sorry.”

     “It… wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Minho says. He feels like he’s underwater and the waves keep on choking him as he’s struggling to gasp for air. “We’re supposed to have time. Jisung is supposed to go to Yale, figure out what he wants in life. He’s supposed to have my back and I’m supposed to have his. We promised. We’ll always be by each other’s sides and now-”

     By now, Minho is full on sobbing. Everything is crashing down on him and he never wants to get up again. Who cares about senior year, about the newspaper, about Yale? He’s going to lose his Soulmate. A part of him is going to break away and get lost forever. And the worst part is…

     “Does Jisung know?”

     “No! I lied to him!” Minho wails. “He thinks he has a whole life in front of him! I gave him false hope! I’m a horrible Soulmate, the worst person to-”

     Minho is shut up by a hug, one of strength and sincerity. Changbin pats his back, prompting Minho to take deep breaths.

     “Minho, you never lie. Stop lying to yourself.”

     “I’ve already lied to Jisung. I might as well have lied to myself.”

     “That’s different,” Changbin says with confidence. “You must have lied for a reason. He’s your Soulmate, everything you do and say to him is for a reason. You need to believe that.”

     “I… need him,” Minho says softly, too exhausted to even cry again. “I need him by my side and I can’t imagine life without him. I don't want to lose him. Please… he can’t die!”

     The stars laugh at Minho and all Minho wants to do is trust a good middle finger at the sky, but even that won’t change the life mark and the numbers it brings with it. Numbers going down with each passing day.

     “Do me a favour,” Minho says after a few moments of silence. Changbin says nothing as his body wracks in sobs and surprisingly, that’s all he needs. “Don’t tell Felix. Let him enjoy his last year with his best friend without worries.”

     “But what about you?” Changbin says. “You deserve to enjoy this year the most.”

     “How can I?” Minho says. the words caught at the back of his throat. “Not when I’ve betrayed Jisung. The universe stuck him with me and now it's going to kill him. I don't know if I’ll be able to survive another day without telling him. Maybe he’ll really live his life to the fullest then.”

     More silence. But this time, Changbin is thinking, evident by his furrowed brows and his lack of attempts to push his hair from his eyes. Finally, he speaks.

     “As your friend, can I possibly suggest something you’re not going to like?”

     “I hate everything right now, so go ahead.”

     “You should talk to someone.”

     Minho’s head shoots up. “Like… a Soulmate therapist? That exists?”

     “You… know what I mean,” Changbin says, seeming to hold his breath.

     And suddenly, Minho does. “Wait, what!? Oh, hell no! Not him !”

     “He’s an expert!”

     “This expert just so happens to be a freak with most likely no idea of what he’s talking about!”

     Harsh, yes. Minho can be like that sometimes.

     “There’s a reason he’s popular,” Changbin said. “There has to be something about him that makes people pay for what he has to say. He might be your answer. Plus…”

     “Haven’t you been chasing his story for forever?”

     Minho perks up at that. Changbin knows how to convince him. The idea he’s suggesting just so happens to be a scoop Minho has been trying to get his hands on for years for the newspaper, and now as the editor, he’s made it his goal to get a headline no matter what.

     So Minho sighs. His head still feels like it's been pounded under thousands of boulders. He still feels sick to the stomach and raw in the throat. But school is starting soon and Minho has a school year starting. He needs to find a way to cope. A way to put his mind at ease.

     “Okay, fine. I’ll pay a visit. But not to get advice. Just for the story, okay ?”

     Changbin only shrugs. Minho knows he would smile if it wasn’t for the tragedy of the situation. “That’s enough for me, Min.”

      2008.

     Minho was eight years old when he found his Soulmate and realized why Soulmates are so difficult to understand. He is ten years old when he learns that people still judge what they cannot understand.

     By now, most of the student body knows that Minho and Jisung are Soulmates. Like lifemarks, a Soulmate isn’t anything to be asked about. People can make assumptions but unless a pair publicly declare themselves as Soulmates, the question Are you Soulmates? will never be answered.

     Of course, Minho and Jisung, being the kids they are, run around and tell their entire bloodline that they’re Soulmates.

     But it's quite obvious as time flies by. The way Jisung can always tell when Minho is sick even when he doesn’t know it himself (“Your right ear turns red,” Jisung has said as he leads Minho home,) the way Minho just knows whenever Jisung is in trouble or distress (“A feeling like I’m being struck by lightning,” he calls it as he finds Jisung having tripped over a rock and twisted his ankle.) It's the numerous sentences they finish for each other, the captivating way they can read each other like a picture book, and how no matter where they are, one will always find the other.

     So now, it’s the middle of summer and the two boys are lazing around at the park. Eventually, they settle down on a bench and in a few minutes flat, Jisung is snoring, his head perched on Minho’s shoulder. Minho doesn’t bother to wake him up. Wherever there’s silence, Jisung falls asleep. The sweltering sun doesn’t help matters.

     That’s when a young couple ‘stalks’ them. Doing quite a bad job, if Minho says so himself. They whisper in the corner, having smiles as if they’re looking at a newborn baby. Finally, the woman walks forward.

     “You and that boy… you seem to be very close friends.”

     “We’re Soulmates,” Minho says bluntly, because he knows that's what the woman is really asking.

     The woman suddenly looks taken aback. “Both of… you boys?”

     “Yes. He’s one of my best friends,” Minho says, not understanding the shock, not understanding why what he’s saying is such a peculiar thing.

     This isn’t the first time. The odd looks, the whispers, the hidden questions continue, until Minho is finally told why.

     “When most people think of Soulmates, they think of a couple,” his father explains. “So people aren’t used to it when that isn’t the case.”

     Minho frowns. “But I thought Soulmates could be anyone.”

     “They are. But most people can’t wrap their heads around that fact as quickly. It’s easy to understand when two people who are meant to be get married and build a life together. It’s a lot harder to understand when none of that happens yet those two people are still meant to be.”

     Minho’s head spins. “Are Jisung and I… wrong?”

     His father cuts that question down with an appalled look. “Never question what the stars have given you, Minho. You and Jisung are magic in your own way and you’re happy. It just might take people a bit longer to get used to.”

     Minho doesn’t believe in magic. But… he gets the point.

     It isn’t like he and Jisung couldn’t be lovers. But from the moment they met, they both knew that just wasn’t the case. Their hearts belong to each other but not in that way. They will guide each other through life and live it together even when it may be separately. Many more people will cross their paths along the way but both boys know that’s perfectly fine. Distance does nothing to their connection. 

     All Minho wants is Jisung’s friendship. With that, he will always feel like he has a harness over the world and can lead it wherever he wants to go.

     He never knew that ten years later, he'd discover that the stars don’t even want to give him that.

       September 11th, 2016.

     Small town fact #23: It’s very easy to become famous.

     Making a name for yourself isn’t a very difficult feat when half the town already knows your name from the day you’re born. All there’s left to do is be either very talented or very crazy. Soon, everyone on the streets will be uttering your name, be it for good or bad.

     Minho’s town is no exception to this rule. There’s a kid who’s made this name bright and bold for almost five years. Out loud, everyone decimates the name. At least half of those people probably worship the name in secret.

     All Minho wants is a story with that name on the headlines.

     The first week of school goes smoothly enough for Minho, ignoring the fact that he's holding a funeral on the inside. Schoolwork will never be a cause to party but this is Minho’s last year on the school newspaper team and as the editor, he throws himself into the work with ease and determination. Orders are given, plans are made, and the first newspaper of the year is bound to be a good one.

     The school newspaper office is bustling as usual with pencils, paper, and papers crossed out with pencils when Minho walks up to one of the club members, one of his most trusted intellect gatherers.

     Kim Seungmin looks at Minho with a bored expression. That’s something Minho respects. Seungmin isn’t scared. He’ll take Minho’s scolding with a straight face and indulge him when he’s in a good mood. Minho wouldn’t call them friends but when he needs Seungmin to get something done, he will do so and he’ll do it well.

     “He goes to this school this year, right?” Minho asks. “That will make it easier to find him.”

     “That’s right. He’s a freshman. You still trying to seek him out?”

     “If I gave up a good story because it’s difficult, I wouldn’t be giving you orders right now,” Minho deadpans. “So how can I find him?”

     Seungmin smiles, always glad to open up his wealth of knowledge. “His friends have already claimed the back right corner of the cafeteria. There’s suspiciously a lot of traffic that goes to and from that table. 

     Minho raised a brow. “You’re saying he’s having his friends act as in-betweens?”

     “Seems so. They’re your best bet.”

     “Do they take cash upfront?”

     “They’d get in trouble collecting that much money on school property, so I assume not.”

     Minho sighs. “Thanks then. That’s all.”

     “Anytime.” And just like that, Seungmin returns back to his work. He’s closed off but reliable. That’s enough for Minho.

     Lunchtime approaches and Minho invests in the cafeteria’s roadkill as an excuse to approach the back corner table (the things he does for a story but oh well, he’s not afraid of crossing lines.) Jisung waves at him from across the room, sitting with Felix and their other friends, and Minho smiles in return. If only Jisung knew why he was here in the first place.

     The table is easy to find. For a kid who keeps his presence hidden, his friends are a rowdy bunch. Then again, freshmen are always a tornado on earth before the demands of high school mellow them down.

     One of the kids sees Minho approach and soon, everyone is elbowing each other. Minho rolls his eyes. Here goes nothing. He clears his throat.

     “We know who you are, school editor. Jeongin told us to be especially wary of you.”

     “Will this Jeongin you protect so highly ever make an appearance?” Mingo retorts back, not surprised in the slightest. A story can only be chased when it runs away.

     “That depends. He’ll be easy to find if you actually have money and you need him. If you just need to grill him for your stupid newspaper, screw off.”

     Freshman these days. No respect for senior students; Minho might as well be an ant on the ground. But he can’t blow up now. Changbin’s advice rings in his head and he decides to humble himself.

     “I… have money.”

     “Oh?”

     “And a reason to see him that's not the newspaper,” Minho adds. “Jeongin will probably turn me away anyways if it wasn’t so.”

     “What's the reason?”

     “You guys aren’t Jeongin, are you?”

     The freshman exchange looks but they’re tempered down easily. They just shrug. “He always favours the closet by the front staircase. He used that place in middle school too.”

     Minho inwardly groans. He knew this kid was an oddball but he really didn’t think it would get this far.

     Yang Jeongin. Self-proclaimed Soulmate Counsellor. He began offering his service a few years ago and at first, nobody took him seriously.

     But of course, like any crackpot business, it always has a few takers. Those takers started talking. That led to more takers. It wasn’t a surprise that Yang Jeongin started to win some legitimacy in this small town. 

     Nobody knows Jeongin’s soulmate, or whether he even has one. Nobody knows how a mere kid can claim to know so much about Soulmates, claim to be able to solve troubles that nobody can even understand themselves. But eventually, a wanderer will find themselves seeking out Yang Jeongin’s services. They will never openly admit it, so it's hard to tell whether it works. But it’s something worth a try.

      September 12th, 2016.

     It’s the next day and Minho skips lunch to go to the front stairwell, his eyes on the apparent storage room next to it. He’s equipped with a small notebook, pencil, and recording device (Real journalists don't risk recording incriminating evidence on their phones.) At least it looks like he’s here for a different reason than he actually is. How far he has fallen. He does end up giving the sky a middle finger before knocking on the door.

     The door opens a peek. An eye comes between the cracks and then droops down. “I’m not interested in you interviewing me. Go away.” The door is about to close.

     “Wait!” Minho says, keeping the door open with his fingers. He hasn’t been given the time he needs to make a final decision, so this is the one he lands on. “I actually… need advice.”

     The door does not close. A sigh comes from it. “If you’re lying, you get kicked out.”

     “I don’t lie. You have my word.”

     So the door opens. Minho recognizes the person standing there. He’s definitely seen Yang Jeongin around town before. He’s grown taller over the summer, but his fox eyes and bright face don’t match him for someone who’s practically operating the black market. “Come in.”

     “Are you legit?” Minho asks. He’s genuinely curious. This conversation isn’t on the record so it’s not like he can use this information for the paper.

     “You can make that choice after the session, when you decide to pay me or not.”

     “I don’t need your assurance, I need your silence,” Minho says, whipping his head back and forth to make sure nobody comes passing by.

     Jeongin laughs. “There’s a reason why you don't know of a single person who’s ever come to see me. My lips are sealed. Who knows, I might have even spoken to the people you are close with.”

     “Wait, really?”

     Jeongin shrugs and leads Minho inside, revealing a single table with two chairs. “You’d be surprised how difficult a battle Soulmates can be. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Problems come up and some people just can’t turn to anyone for help. When you have a problem, you tell your Soulmate. But who do you tell when your problem is the Soulmate? That’s what I’m here for.”

     That… makes sense to Minho; one of the first things that actually does when it comes to Soulmates.

     “Though you probably already know that, seeing that you’re here.” Jeongin puts his hand out. “Yang Jeongin, pleased to be of service.”

     “I know,” Minho says, accepting the handshake. “I’m Lee Minho.”

     “I know. Take a seat.” For a freshman, Jeongin carries a sort of wisdom well beyond his years. It’s in his even tone, his straight but relaxed posture, and the ease with which he speaks to Minho. Minho can see why Jeongin has gained at least some credit.

     “So, what’s the problem?” Jeongin eyes Minho’s recording device warily. Minho sighs and puts it away. He’ll have to find a chance for a story later.

     Minho fidgets and puts his hand on top of the table, revealing the bandage. Jeongin clicks his tongue in approval. “Congrats.”

     “No, this isn’t a celebration,” Minho says. He takes a deep breath, knowing he’s about to put his trust in this kid like so many others before. “My Soulmate only has a year to live. But I didn’t tell him.”

     Jeongin’s face falls. “I’m so sorry.”

     “Yeah…” Minho masks his face into neutral but the sting remains. “I don’t know what to do. It feels cruel, keeping something so major from him. But I can’t even begin to imagine breaking the news to him. How will I ever tell him something like this?”

     Jeongin listens intently, sitting upright, his eyes laser-focused on Minho and afterward, he hums in thought. Minho feels bad burdening such a dark problem on him. What would anybody say to a plight like this?

     “Who’s your Soulmate?”

     The question throws Minho off. The way Jeongin so casually throws away the etiquette about asking about Soulmates alerts Minho that there’s definitely something special about this boy.

     “Han Jisung.”

     “Tell me about him.”

     Minho freezes. “What… do you want to know?”

     “Whatever you feel like sharing. I need to know about you guy’s relationship and what kind of person Jisung is in order to offer advice.”

     Understandable. But choosing a few things to say about Jisung is like opening a box of treasures and trying to figure out which one is the best to take home. Minho doesn’t know where to begin; what’s the best way to describe someone like Han Jisung.

     So Minho does what anyone with a journalist's mind would do. He simply starts with what exists.

     He tells Jeongin about the List of Impossible Things to Make Possible.

      2009-10.

      The List began when Minho started middle school. He remembers the first thing on the list as clear as day. In a way, he’d thank his English teacher for that.

     The class was given a creative writing assignment that counted for their final grade. They had recently finished a class read-aloud of a story with a sad ending. The task was to write an alternative ending to the story provided it fit with the story’s worldbuilding, events, and characters.

     When Ms. Mater hands the marked assignments back, Minho is the only one who doesn’t receive one. He’s about to point it out when Ms. Mater walks by his desk and tells Minho to see her after class.

      Sure, Minho had found the assignment difficult and a bit boring, but he has no idea what he’s done wrong. That is until Ms. Mater brings out Minho’s story and places it on her desk. An ink-heavy C+ stains the corner of the page.

     Minho gulps and begins to open his mouth until his teacher beats him to it.

     “I called you here because I want to explain to you why you got the grade you did.”

     So Minho stays silent as she explains.

     “You have a strong narrating voice, Minho. You have a clear opinion on why you think your version of the ending is the best and you definitely explain it. But have you ever heard of the phrase ‘show not tell’?”

     Minho shakes his head, not understanding where his teacher is going with this.

     “It means you let the actions of your characters and the story’s events explain your intentions more than you yourself, the writer. You weren’t able to explain the thoughts and feelings of the characters. You explained why the new event is good but you didn’t do a proper job of describing the event and how your character feels amidst the situation.”

     Minho’s face contorts with confusion. Maybe he does understand what Ms. Mater is getting at, but he isn’t sure what he needs to change. How is he supposed to write what a character is thinking if he doesn’t know the person? They don’t exist, how can he tell their thoughts and feelings?

     Minho voices this concern and Ms. Mater only gives a knowing look. “Minho, you have trouble portraying emotion and stakes. Readers won’t be able to understand when a character is terrified, or sad, or happy.”

     Minho frowns. “But I said so.” He points to his paragraphs. Character A was sad. Character B was cheerful. Character C does not trust Character D.

      The teacher laughs. “But there are far more expressive and impactful ways of explaining those feelings. You remember our unit on literary devices. You used very little.”

     “What’s more impactful than telling something as it is? Then I’m not keeping anyone guessing.”

     Minho shuts his mouth immediately, waiting for the scolding for talking back. Ms. Mater is on the chill side but no teacher likes an outspoken student.

     But Ms. Mater only smiles. “I get where you’re coming from, Minho, I really do. And that is why I want to give you the opportunity to raise your mark to a B.”

     Minho gasps. “Really?”

     “That’s right. I wanted to save this for our future unit, but I think giving this assignment to you now will be beneficial. You know what a newspaper is, right?”

     Minho nods. His parents read it every morning and Minho always takes a peek at it too. And not at just the comic sections either.

     “Instead of writing your new ending, I want you to report it. You’re an outsider but you need to write about the event, taking a favourable viewpoint on it. Think of interview questions to ask the characters about the event. How would they respond? Overall, why is this new ending a good thing and who does it benefit? You already wrote a lot about that in your story, but I think it would fit more in a newspaper article.”

     Minho blinks twice. “You want me to… write a newspaper?”

     “Just a short article, no more than a page. Look at the articles in the newspaper for inspiration. I won’t mark you on format or anything; that’s for our later unit. I just want to know that you understand the book we read and its characters. It’s your choice, of course. You can decline, but this is your mark that will be part of your overall grade.”

     Minho has never written an article before. He’s never thought of trying. He still has no idea why his teacher wants him to start now. But a raised grade is a raised grade, so Minho accepts. He thanks Ms. Mater and walks away before he can change his mind. He knows he'll be lucky if he even fills out a page with this strange new task.

     Minho surprises himself. He is able to fill in a full page. In fact, it’s one of the easiest things he’s ever done. It’s similar to how he wrote for his creative writing except this time, he’s allowed to write this way. He imagines interviewing the book’s characters. It’s a lot more simple to portray how they are feeling when they are just saying so. 

     And most importantly, Minho’s enjoying himself. This is a story the world doesn’t know and it’s up to him to tell it. He makes his voice heard and he’ll take no other answer other than what he’s put on that piece of paper. Minho submits his work feeling a lot more confident.

     The next week, the paper is returned to him with an A.

     “Your overall writing grade is a B+, but this is an A paper, Minho. You might just be on to something.”

     “On to what?” Minho asks. But Ms. Mater simply walks away with a smile, leaving Minho to figure it out himself.

     Minho tells Jisung about all of this. The fourth grader thinks for less than a few seconds before his face resembles a lightbulb. “My class is running a lemonade stand to raise money for a new town library. Report the event.”

     “You want me to… write an article for fun?”

     “Will it be fun for you?”

     Minho thinks it might just be.

     It is. Jisung invites Minho to his class for an hour to interview his classmates. Minho learns some interesting information about why building a new town library is important. He decides to change the angle of his report to the importance of libraries, especially in small towns, which will in turn encourage people to buy lemonade. It’s a convincing tactic and Minho is going to convince people or will die trying.

     He shows his first draft to Ms. Mater. There is that knowing smile again. “You’re a good writer, Minho. Here’s a challenge: try doing some research to make your arguments more convincing.”

     A new way to convince people? Minho takes to it like fish to water. 

     When he’s finally done, Jisung helps Minho print copies and stick them around town like flyers. Townspeople stop Minho on the streets. They tell him his writing is good, that they will definitely stop by to buy some lemonade, that he has convinced them. Jisung’s class makes more than enough money for the initiative.

     To Minho, this becomes one of the best feelings in the world. He never imagined it, but somehow, with a pencil in his hand, he has managed to change minds, to influence action. Ms. Mater is right about him having a strong voice. And Minho wants to make it heard.

     Journalism (Minho looks up the word for his new hobby,) becomes a pastime for him. Whenever the town has an event (small towns have a lot more festivities than people think,) Minho takes out a notepad and sets out to learn about it. When there’s a dispute, Minho takes a side and tries to get people to join it. A small binder is filled with papers of scribble notes, but also clean, typed copies. Minho shares every piece with Jisung. He shares a few with the new boy, Changbin, who seems to take a liking to Minho. Minho might even post a few around town. But eventually, it’s not enough.

     “There needs to be a student newspaper,” Minho declares. “So kids my age can submit their writing and kids in this town have a more accessible way to learn about what’s going on other than the boring old newspapers our parents get.”

     “The high school has a newspaper team,” Jisung says.

     “But that’s eons away!” Minho says. (It’s really only two years away, but Minho isn’t waiting.)

     Jisung suddenly begins jumping up in excitement. “I’ll help you start one! Sign up for my club!”

     “Club?”

     “I’m starting a club,” Jisung says. “It’s called the ‘Start a Club’ club. It’s a club to help other people start clubs and if I help you start your club, that will be a lot of help in helping my club start up to start up clubs.”

     Minho gets a stroke just from listening to that. Yet he’s not surprised in the slightest. Han Jisung has joined practically every club in town so at the rate he’s going, it’s about time he made his own club to continue overachieving in.

     Jisung calls himself an explorer. He’s called himself that ever since he was little, and lets Minho know it. It’s a fancy way of saying that Jisung doesn’t know where his heart lies so he participates in every single club, class, and event short of learning how to breathe to figure it out. 

     Minho learnt when they first met, that Jisung had volunteered for numerous class positions (“Line leader and snack passer outer are my favourite ones!” Jisung says.) Jisung is also part of the junior swim team, junior track team (he’d do more, but he never makes the cut for sports teams,) elementary student council, the movie club (yes, it’s a thing,) and helps out in every town celebration in whatever way he can (he’s usually on clean up duty.) And as he grows older and more opportunities open up, Minho knows for sure Jisung’s name will be at the top of the sign-up sheet.

     So yeah, Jisung is hella busy but he loves it. Maybe it’s because since he hasn’t found his drive in any of these things, he doesn’t stress himself out over commitment or 100% effort. Yet he stays committed nevertheless. Minho admires Jisung’s work ethic. He could never put his time towards something he’s not completely certain he’s going to enjoy.

     “You do realize that in order to help others start up clubs, you probably need some help to start up your own club to help others start theirs’, right?”

     Minho also gets a stroke from saying that but Jisung only grins.

     “I don’t need help. I’m a natural. And you can be my first test subject!”

     Jisung grabs Minho’s arm before he can run away. “Now come on, this will be fun! First step, we need a petition…”

     Without Jisung, Minho would have never seen the whole thing through. It’s not like Jisung does most of the work. That’s on Minho. Mostly because Jisung can’t walk up to someone and boldly talk to them if his life depended on it; meanwhile that’s the one thing Minho can do right. But it’s Jisung’s moral support that means everything; that makes this possible when Minho would have considered it impossible a long time ago. So as per Jisung’s wishes, Minho promises to give Jisung credit for this achievement. 

     Thanks to Jisung , an official kid-friendly newspaper gets established in the town, to report on town events and making publicity more available to the younger population. At first, it’s only Minho writing his articles and putting them in the newspaper. Soon, other kids begin submitting; more budding writers who share the same drive.

     Many ask Minho to edit their pieces, as the ‘founder.’ He still can’t quite wrap his head around the highly coveted title. Being an editor doesn’t come as naturally as writing. It takes a few tries and along the way, he learns a lot more about layout and style. He isn’t used to learning about things he doesn’t have to. It’s nice to have something he’ll willingly put in the work for.

     So now kids in town read the newspaper more and even the grownups have admitted to preferring the works of young writers as opposed to the town’s dreary official newspaper. The club used to be all Minho devoted his time towards. 

     Of course, after joining the highschool newspaper, he became too busy for it. But he still stops by occasionally to see how it’s doing; his name still whispered as the one who started it all. Minho doesn’t like to boast about his involvement in its creation. It’s really only grown because of everyone else.

     Jisung’s ‘Start a Club’ club becomes a hit, with several people joining. A lot more clubs get started up too and Jisung ends up joining at least half of them. Minho has a suspicion that it’s not really Jisung’s help that people need; it’s the notion that their ideas can become reality. Jisung has always been a big believer in that.

     Soon, the first mention of the List is brought up. It begins with a simple wish; another idea that Jisung wishes to make possible.

     Minho’s mood is at all time lows one certain day and Jisung is the first one to notice. Minho doesn’t hide the reason why.

     “You know those moments where you kind of feel… insignificant? Like, you do so much, but in the large scale of things, none of it is going to matter. I’m having a blast at this writing stuff but where do I want to go with it? How do I make it matter?”

     Jisung stays silent at that. Minho doesn’t think he really understands. Afterall, they’re both still young and he can’t quite understand himself.

     But Jisung being Jisung, he still tries to help. “What do you think will matter?”

     Minho thinks for a moment before a seed of an idea sprouts in his head. “Writing something big . Something that everyone pays attention to; something that will make a huge difference. More than just advertising fundraisers and stuff. You know when you watch a movie so good, you’re thinking about it for days? I want to make people feel like that.”

     Jisung listens, then shrugs. “So do that.”

     Minho scoffs. “As if that will ever happen. Nobody has any reason to listen to what I have to say.”

     Jisung frowns. “Why not?” He then grins. “I know! Do you know what goal setting is?”

     “Yeah. But like- why?”

     “My parents have always told me to set goals since I was really young. I’m not good at sticking with stuff so I do it all the time. I write down what clubs I want to join in the future and what grades I want in school, and then work to reach them. So if you write down your goal, you can reach it!” Jisung says.

     Minho laughs sympathetically. “Oh Jisungie, it’s not that simple.”

     “Try it right now before you mock me.”

     Minho rolls his eyes playfully but obliges. On the first line of a new sheet of line paper, he writes as neatly as he can:

• Write something important.

     “Very specific,” Jisung says. He gets a jab in the shoulder for that but laughs it off effortlessly. “Now title it! Make it official!”

     Minho sighs but obeys.

      List of Impossible Things

      “You’re hopeless!” Jisung exclaims, dramatically flopping himself on the back of his chair.

     “What? I’m being truthful.”

     “No, you’re being a party pooper,” Jisung retorts. “Give me your pencil.”

     Jisung is not taking no for an answer so Minho hands it over. Jisung takes the list and adds something to the title. His writing is a lot more sloppy compared to Minho's stick straight letters.

      List of Impossible Things to Make Possible.

      “There,” Jisung declares. “That’s your goal list. Make use of it.”

     Minho doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into. “Do you have any goals currently, Jisung?” he asks to change the topic.

     Jisung smiles, one more wistful than teasing. He takes the List and adds something else.

• Go on a trip with my parents.

      “Oh…” Minho stops smiling. Jisung’s parents are both very important people and are barely at home. But this is the first time Jisung has ever indicated being bothered by that.

     “See? It’s on the list, so now I make it happen,” Jisung says, his voice holding so much confidence that Minho feels like it’ll happen the very next day. 

     “I guess this is our list now,” Minho jokes.

     Jisung nods. “It sure is.” He’s not joking.

     “Oh!” Minho recovers quickly. “Then… we should make a list of things we want to do together, as friends.”

     “That’s a great idea!”

     And just like that, Minho warms up to the List.

     The List of Impossible Things to Make Possible is not something that’s made. It’s something that grows. Minho and Jisung add to it over time whenever they get a new dream, a new goal. Sometimes, it’s related to both of them. Other times, it’s for themselves. But either way, both want to see each other achieve their goals.

     And they do achieve a lot. But some are still unanswered. Jisung still hasn’t gotten a trip with his parents. Minho still hasn’t written a sensation.

     But after all, that’s why they’re on the List of Impossible Things to Make Possible. Two different penmanships to create one word. Anything on the list will be made possible by the two of them.

      2011-13.

      Most of Minho’s memories from the top of his head are the times when Jisung helped him. But he’s also done his fair share of saving the younger out of ‘dire’ situations.

     Jisung begins middle school and middle school means exams. The school tells the students the date of the exams within the first few weeks so the student can have the year to study everything they’re taught reasonably.

     It sounds easy enough and Minho’s pretty sure Jisung will have no trouble passing a much grander test than he’s used to. But one large obstacle stands in his way.

     An exam date is a deadline. Jisung and deadlines go together as well as baking soda and vinegar. Disaster.

     Deadlines have been the biggest struggle for Jisung. If Minho could get a dollar for every time Jisung has frantically called his phone and even showed up at his front door with no notice, freaking out over a new project due in a few weeks time, Minho could buy the entire town.

     The thing is, Minho knows that Jisung is perfectly capable of completing a task in a set period of time. But it’s the knowledge of the time that terrifies him. Give him a timer counting down every day, every hour, every minute, and the boy is reduced to a wailing mess.

     So Jisung now knows the date of the exam. He’s told to mark it on his calendar. It’s eight months away. But knowing those months are counting down sends Jisung into a frenzy that lasts the entire year.

     Minho only learns how bad it gets when a few months into the school year, he gets a frantic call from Felix.

     “We’re at the library and Jisung just… powered off? Anyways, I can’t get to him in any way so there’s a reason I have you on speedial.”

     Minho groans and gets his coat. To most people, Soulmates can often play the parental figure you call when a child is misbehaving. When even friends can’t resolve an issue, calling over the Soulmate is a surefire tactic. Minho has been with Changbin many times when he’d get a call from Jisung or one of Felix’s friend freaking out that Felix refuses to enter the gaming store with them (“Tell Felix the creepy lady who hates dyed hair isn’t on her shift today,” Changbin would deadpan into the phone before hanging up and going back to washing dishes.)

     So Minho is at the library and surely, Felix and Jisung are sitting at a table with their other classmates. Jisung’s has his head down, his textbooks shoved aside, crumpled pieces of paper surrounding it. Felix notices Minho and visible relief shows on his face. “Has this happened before?”

     “Yes.” Minho sighs. “Damage control is here.” He pulls up a chair next to Jisung. “Hey, Jisungie.”

     “Yeah…” The words are slurred, like Jisung has just gotten up from bed. Minho’s suspicions are confirmed. Jisung’s in so much fear that his body simply shuts down and nothing can reach him. There’s only one cure.

     “You’re finally studying in a library, huh? Thought you avoided those places like the plague,” Minho jokes, though he’s horrible at it. He needs to shift Jisung’s focus elsewhere; work his way to a proper conversation.

     “I need to prepare for the exam. It’s 5 months away .” Jisung’s voice goes up a scale at the timeline, like he has it permanently etched into his brain. Minho knows he does; that’s just how he is.

     Minho doesn’t try to reassure Jisung that he’s ready, or that he still has a lot of time. Once Jisung has a deadline, there is never enough time.
 

     “Is the library helping?” Minho asks instead.

     “Kinda… it’s too quiet.”

     “Isn’t that the point?”

     Jisung shrugs. Bodily movement. That’s a good sign. “It feels dead. It’s not helping with my mood.”

     “Anything else contributing to this mood of yours?”

     “I… accidentally submitted my English homework to my math classroom and my math homework to my English classroom.”

     “... okay, wow. Tell me about that.”

     For the next few minutes, Jisung’s voice slowly goes above the water, clear words instead of mumbles. By the end, he’s full on ranting with huge volumes of noise and the librarian has to shush him from behind.

     “I’m going in tomorrow to resolve everything,” Jisung says with a groan.

     “That’s too bad,” Minho agrees. He looks at Felix and the rest of the boys. “Anyways, I gotta go. Good luck with the rest of your studying.”

     “Wait. Why did you come then?” Jisung looks genuinely confused and Minho bites back a laugh.

     “Just stopped by.” He sends Felix a wink and Felix smiles back gratefully. “Anyways, see ya!”

     The last thing Minho sees before exiting the library is Jisung looking at him curiously and Felix saying, “Hey, if this place is too quiet, let’s study outside.”

     Disaster averted. Needless to say, Jisung ends up passing the exam (practically fainting in Minho’s house afterwards.)

     Of course, Minho doesn’t want a similar disaster to occur again. So when the next year rolls around, Minho tells Jisung to skip his school’s assembly.

     “But they’re announcing the exam date today-”

     “Exactly.”

     Jisung has a billion question marks over his head until his eyes widen. “O- OH! Okay!”

     So for the rest of the year, Jisung is absolutely clueless about how much time he has until the deadline. He studies here and there, reviews his notes everytime, and files away his tests to look at them later. Felix drags him to the library more times and Jisung makes the most out of it.

     Minho is in high school by then but gets the exam date from Changbin. So he knows if Jisung is on the right track or not.

     Soon, one night, Jisung takes Minho’s hand excitedly. “Want to sleepover tonight?”

     “I don’t think you should.”

     “Huh? Why not?”

     Minho gulps. This is the final part of his experiment. Will it succeed or not? “Jisung, your exam is in two days. You should study.”

     A pause. Seconds feel like hours. Jisung looks at Minho with a blank expression.

     Then, he shrugs.

     “I think I’m all set to go. Now, about that sleepover?”

     Jisung got an even better mark that year. Years later, he still tells the story of how Minho saved him from the most stressful experience of his life. Years later, he still never bothers to learn the exam dates.

     The List of Impossible Things to Be Made Possible has no deadline. Jisung has given the two of them all the time in the world to chase their dreams and as corny as it sounds to Minho, even he begins to appreciate the idea of time, the idea of having infinite of it.

     He never figured he’d begin to hate how little of it he now has.

      September 12th, 2016.

      Jeongin is like a camera, focusing his lens on Minho as he speaks. When he’s done talking, Jeongin is in deep thought, like he’s trying to crack the riddle. Minho desperately hopes it has an answer.

     “So you did the right thing.”

     Minho doesn’t understand why or how Jeongin can say this, but it still feels like a raging inferno has been lifted from his entire being. He gasps in relief. “But… why?”

     “If your Soulmate hates deadlines, then giving him the ultimate one will be the end of him,” Jeongin said. “You may not know it, but the night you got your lifemark, you subconsciously already knew that telling Jisung the truth would be the wrong choice. So the lie came easily to you.”

     Minho can’t believe how much sense that makes. His head is clear and he imagines telling Jisung the truth. He wouldn't last a week. The burden of having so little time will destroy him. He can’t live anything to the fullest with that ticking clock in his head. The only way Jisung will be able to enjoy his last year of living…

     Will be if he doesn’t know he has only that year in the first place.

     “So… I don't tell him,” Minho concludes.

     “Exactly,” Jeongin says. “Instead, you should use that knowledge to, in a way… control this year. Make sure it’s one of the best times of Jisung’s life. Make sure he enjoys it with no regrets. That’s the best thing you can do for him as a Soulmate.”

     Minho feels a lump in his throat. “That’s a pretty tall order.”

     “It is,” Jeongin admits. “But… you have a list, don’t you? Why don’t you use this year to fulfill as much of that list as possible? Won’t that be the best way to go?”

     That’s… one of the best ideas Minho has heard. “I should…” No. “I’ll do it,” Minho says, doing his best to mimic the cocky confidence Jisung always has in his voice. “You’re right. Thank you so much.”

     “It’s my job,” Jeongin says with a small smile. “This Jisung person seems like someone worth doing it all for.”

     “Without a doubt,” Minho says. It’s so worth it, Minho would steal the stars from the sky if that was on the List. He fishes around his wallet. “How much…”

     “No, no payment!” Jeongin immediately says. “Think of it as a token of my condolences. You’re already going to lose a lot more than money.”

     “... okay,” Minho says, not even trying to argue. Jeongin’s right; he wants to try losing as little as possible.

      About to leave the room, Minho pauses and turns to Jeongin, who seems way too calm for all the troubles he learns about in his job. 

     “Do you have a Soulmate?” he blurts out. The confirmation of the existence of one isn’t technically a taboo question. Jeongin can give a mere yes or no answer.

     Jeongin smiles sadly. He doesn’t say yes or no. What he does is so much worse.

     He takes out his own wallet and fishes around for something. Feeling his heart drop, Minho knows what. “No…”

     After the death of a Soulmate, uttering their name to others simply isn’t enough. It’s too simple of a word, too basic to truly commemorate their lifetime and how much they mean to their living counterpart. That’s why it's an unspoken tradition to always carry a small photo of them to show to others. To engrave in other’s memories, to make sure nobody forgets a life the stars have claimed.

     So when Jeongin pulls out a small photo of an older boy, Minho almost feels tears spark to his eyes again. To add insult to injury, he recognizes the photo. “Is that… Chan?” It’s the older boy Minho used to bike down the streets with when he was in middle school. He had been in shock learning that a stumble down a steep cliff had taken his life.

     Jeongin only nods. He takes out another photo, this one with a young grinning Jeongin also in the photo. But that’s not all. A man and woman stand behind the two smiling children. Their… parents!?

     Before Minho can open his mouth, Jeongin also nods to his unspoken question. “People didn’t believe that siblings could be Soulmates. I guess the stars didn’t like it very much either. I was only ten.”

     Minho’s heart breaks for the freshman. “No wonder you know so much about my problem. I’m so sorry.”

     “It’s fine.” Jeongin smiles but his eyes are dim. “Channie was always curious about the relationship between Soulmates. As siblings, we fought a lot, so he knew that Soulmate relationships couldn’t be perfect. He always thought it would be nice if there was a way to help those in trouble; to give advice to people about their own relationships when they have no one to turn to. He always shared his research with me. After losing him, I did a lot more and… I think he'd be proud of what I’m doing.” 

     Minho’s face is wet but he makes no effort to wipe away the tears. “And I thought you were a freak. Now I feel like crap.”

     “I am a freak. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be doing this,” is all Jeongin says, not seeming bothered in the slightest. “You are the first one who’s shown interest in my story. I know that’s not saying much considering it’s your job, but still. Do you still… want an official record?”

     Minho doesn’t even need to think about it. He shakes his head. “This is all off the record. This talk will be shared with no one.”

     Jeongin’s eyes brighten up just a little, almost like a fading star. “Thank you. I appreciate it. Have a good day… and year with Jisung. I wish you luck.”

     “You too,” Minho says, opening the door. “Tell Chan I say hi. I’m sure he’ll hear you. Good luck with… everything you do.”

     As Minho closes the door, he makes a note to thank Changbin for the advice to come here. It was one of his best ones to this day.

     But now, there’s something he needs to start. The biggest lightbulb in his head yet.

     List of Impossible Things to Make Possible.

• Write something important.

     Minho takes out his notebook and doesn’t even bother to walk the extra distance to the school library. He sits on the floor, his back against the school lockers, and begins writing. After his talk with Jeongin, inspiration is growing in his head. A story the world needs to understand; one he wants to tell loud and clear.

      This is the story of a boy who is…

      And Minho is already stuck. Who is what? Amazing? A good friend? Funny? Now, the words feel bland. They’re too weak to describe the power Minho is trying to unleash. Special? No, too big-headed. For the first time, Minho can understand what Ms. Mater told him all those years ago. Sometimes, plain, honest words are not enough to portray a feeling too deep for marks on a paper.

     Minho sighs and closes the notebook. He’s stuck but there’s no point getting unstuck. His brain will give him more ideas when he’s ready.

      Jisung is reading the List like it’s an exam review booklet and the urge to kick him in the legs is so strong that Minho has to strangle the edge of his chair to prevent himself from doing so.

     Jisung finally looks up. “So you’re saying… you want us to set a challenge to see how much of this list we can complete in a year?”

     “Exactly. I’m going to college next year so this is the best year to do it,” Minho says. He chooses his words carefully. Telling Jisung they should try to complete the entire list in the year would be setting a deadline, and nothing will get done. But with this challenge, Minho can tell by Jisung’s scalding focus on the paper that he’s aiming only for the top; the entire list.

     “Coffee!” Changbin is at the table again to refill the mugs, doing his best to make it look like he’s fully dedicated to his shift at the diner.

     “We’re discussing something important, worker boy,” Jisung snaps with no bite.

     “Okay, no coffee for you then.”

     “No, no, I need caffeine!” Jisung practically lunges at the coffee pot.

     “Spare my Soulmate for today, Changbin,” Minho says with a playful wink. “He’ll never listen to me without his coffee.”

     So Jisung is once again 80% sugar and caffeine and the two return back to their discussion. Jisung smirks.

     “Well, I’m all up for this and as it turns out, I’m going to be fulfilling one of the items on the list soon.”

     “Really!? What?” Minho asks, already elated.

     Jisung points to an item on the List:

     2. Go on a trip with my parents.

     Jisung looks so over the moon that Minho feels even better. “When?”

     “Tomorrow!” Jisung says, practically squealing. “For my birthday! I’m turning 16, so my parents want to do something special. We’re going to L.A.!”

     “That’s amazing!” Minho says. “When will you be back?”

     “Probably the night of the 14th. It’s a short trip but it’ll be a blast!”

     “So… you’re not going to be here for your birthday.”

     “Unfortunately not,” Jisung says.

     Minho smiles again to distract himself from the feeling of his body collapsing on itself. “That’s too bad.”

     “Yeah, but it’s okay, right?” Jisung says. “I feel bad that you won’t be able to see me during my birthday, but wait until next year. We’ll plan something so big-”

     “I’m fine, Jisung,” Minho says, forcing the words so much, it’s like he’s running them through a guillotine. But he knows he’ll no longer be able to fake a smile if Jisung continues to talk about a next year; about a future.

     “That’s great!” Jisung says. “I’m so excited!”

     Jisung goes into his chatterbox mode and Minho lets him, his body sinking into his chair.

     “See ya later!” Jisung says once he needs to go. He leaves the diner and walks into the road without checking twice. The front of the diner is usually where Minho and Jisung part ways; Jisung crossing the road and Minho taking a left. There’s no traffic light in front of the diner but that’s okay, since everyone knows cars will stop their already snail-like movement the minute they see someone crossing. It’s a running joke in the town that in order to tell the difference between a tourist and a resident, you simply need to see who looks both ways before crossing and who just walks ahead like the town is their Oscars and the road is their red carpet. Jisung is a town resident at first glance, without a doubt.

     Changbin is back with the coffee. “You know, if you said you wanted to be there for Jisung’s birthday, he’d understand. You can’t tell me it doesn’t hurt like hell right now that you won’t see him for his last birthday.”

     Minho shakes his head. “I… can’t do that. This has been Jisung’s wish for forever. Plus…”

     Minho’s heart aches. “His parents. This is the last birthday they get to spend with their son and they deserve all the time in the world with him. Just because I’m the only one who knows about this, doesn’t mean others shouldn’t get to make the most of the time Jisung has left either. If I need to make sure Jisung lives a full final life, it also means the people who love him the most need to live that life to the fullest too.”

     Sacrifices. Minho realizes how much he’s going to have to make this year. For Jisung. For his parents. His friends. Minho suddenly knows that it’s not about him; it was never about him. It’s about Jisung, and if he has to bear the feeling of having his Soulmate slip from his hands numerous times in order for Jisung to spend time with everyone important to him, Minho will bear it. He has no choice.

     “You’re a really great Soulmate, Minho. You know that, right?”

     Minho doesn’t respond to that. Being a great Soulmate won’t make Jisung spend his birthday with Minho. It won’t make the stars bring him back. 

     But nevertheless, Minho still has to be the damn best Soulmate he has the capability of being.

      September 14th, 2016.

      Minho wakes up sick to the stomach.

     No, it isn’t because he’s missing Jisung. It isn’t because he knows that this will be the last birthday his Soulmate will ever have and Minho can’t even see his face. Sure, it hurts. But right now…

     Minho physically cannot move his limbs. He gasps, more out of fear than pain, and can only lie still. His stomach hurts, but it doesn’t feel nauseous enough to be a stomach ache, nor stabbing enough to be a wound. It doesn’t feel like anything and in that moment, Minho feels like he’s filled with so much nothingness, he can hardly breathe.

     Around ten minutes pass before he can feel himself again and pull himself out of bed. But the pain remains. Like a throbbing in his heart, a bang of a gong every minute. He can barely manage to acknowledge the picture Jisung sent him of him holding a wand in Harry Potter world, and quickly sends a text back wishing him a happy birthday.

     The pain lessons during the school day but Minho finds himself at the front staircase again. Before, he avoided it and now, he can’t stay away.

     To Jeongin’s credit, he looks genuinely surprised to see Minho back. “Something’s wrong.”

     “Yes,” Minho says, hunching down on the chair as a dampening exhaustion waves over him. “There’s a strange sensation all over my body and I think it’s related to Soulmates.”

     Jeongin frowns. “Describe it.”

     That’s the thing Minho has been struggling the most to do today. “It’s like… I’m short of breath yet I’m breathing just fine. Or like I’m bleeding yet there’s not a scratch on my body. I feel horrible, but it’s the fact that I can’t tell why that hurts even more.”

     Jeongin’s eyes widen. “Does today happen to be a special day or something? Where is your Soulmate?”

     “It’s Jisung’s birthday today. And he’s in LA with his family.”

     “Ah ha!” Jeongin snaps his finger. “You’re having spells. They’re coming earlier than I expected but then again, I only have myself to use as a comparison.”

     Minho furrows his brows. Whatever these spells are, it doesn’t seem like a pleasant diagnosis in the slightest. “What are spells?”

     Jeongin closes his eyes, thinking for a few moments. “Think about them like… withdrawal symptoms. And your Soulmate is the drug. Your body is feeling the separation from your Soulmate and is trying to cope. In this case, Jisung being away from you on a special day has seemed to trigger it. Of course, normally your body won’t react that violently, but it’s the fact that Jisung doesn’t have long to live that is making it sensitive.”

     Minho eyes Jeongin, horrified. “You’re saying that I’m going to be in this type of pain throughout the year!?”

     “No, don’t worry!” Minho visibly deflates like a balloon.

     “Technically speaking, spells are only supposed to kick in after… the death of your Soulmate,” Jeongin says, his face scrunched in discomfort. “They'll be particularly severe for the first week and then die down as your body gets used to knowing that your Soulmate is no longer of this world and it’s time to recover.” He makes a sour expression. “I missed school for over a month when I got spells, particularly because I was at a really young age to get them. It’s basically an insult over injury to the emotional pain you’re already feeling.”

     Minho groans. “So why am I getting them now?”

     “You might get them occasionally as the clock ticks down. Just when you’re especially missing Jisung and your emotions are running high. Intensity varies, but think about this time as more or less, a once or twice occasion.”

     Minho sighs in relief. Maybe he should be freaking out even more over the prolonged suffering he will face once the end of the line comes to pass. But he still can’t think about that. He still can’t truly process the day that will break his entire world in two. “Thank you. That explains everything.”

     “No problem. I personally think spells should become more common knowledge. But nope, experts don’t want to scare people, especially since most are blessed with long lives with their Soulmates.” Jeongin sighs. “Anyways, if the spells get worse today, just call it a day and go home. No need to suffer more than you need to.”

     Minho ends up doing exactly that. The spells get worse in the afternoon and after excusing himself to the nurse’s office, he races back home, climbs into bed, and tries to brave the feeling of waves rocking him back and forth, threatening to toss him into the deep waters.

     It’s almost 11 pm when Minho gets a call from Changbin, who lives on the streets across from Jisung’s. “His car pulled up into his street. He’s home.”

     Minho jumps out of bed, barely acknowledging the fact that the pain has numbed. He calls Jisung, who picks up on the first ring.

     “Minho! I thought you had already slept by now. I’m home!”

     “It’s not 12 yet, so it’s still your birthday. Can I come over?” Minho feels a tinge of desperation making its way into his voice and he does his best to shove it down. “Please?”

     “Of course! No need to ask!”

     So Minho is at Jisung’s doorstep with a cake and the List. Jisung opens the door with a smile that means everything. “Hi!”

     “Happy birthday.” Minho smiles and hugs his Soulmate tightly, with terror. Only an hour left. An hour before this milestone ends. An hour until it will end for the very last time. “Hope you still have room for cake.”

     “You know me,” Jisung says with a grin.

     “Tell me about your trip.”

     It’s like the stars claim Jisung at that moment. He looks happy, so happy. “It was AMAZING! Get this, my parents always left their phones in the car when we went somewhere, cause they wanted to pay attention to me-”

     Jisung talks for ten minutes straight, no breaks, his voice filled up with so much adrenaline that Minho just can’t feel sorry for supporting this trip at all. He made the right choice. He knows how to make the right sacrifices.

     “Well… looks like that’s an item off the list done,” Minho says, taking a pencil and satisfyingly crossing off the item with a clean line. After all, the point of the List was for the boys to feel happy for each other. So that is what Minho is going to do.

     “Did you miss me?” Jisung asks through mouthfuls of cake.

     Minho tries to search for lingering effects of the spells on his body, yet finds none. “You have no idea.”

     The clock strikes 12 and Minho laughs along with Jisung as a day he will never celebrate again comes to pass.

      October 25th, 2016.

      For the next two months, Minho wonders exactly when Jisung is finally going to crack the code and figure out something is off about Minho. He knows he’s not hiding it well enough; his smiles slip too often, his words are too strained. Minho can keep tears in his eyes but that’s pretty much it.

     Minho expected he would not be able to handle his 18th birthday. He’s right.

     With the way Jisung celebrates, it’s as if it’s his birthday all over again. They see an awful movie and go for dessert before dinner. Minho tries to enjoy it. He tries to make the most out of the last birthday he’ll celebrate with Jisung. He tells that to himself over and over again.

     And it only makes it worse.

     It’s getting dark as the two walk over to the diner for dinner and Jisung finally says it.

     “Something’s wrong.”

     “What do you mean?” Minho asks, hoping to hide for just a little bit longer.

     “I just know. You didn’t make fun of the movie. Not even once. You ordered an ice cream cone instead of a sweet crepe. You didn’t put me in a headlock when I made fun of your age. You’ve been more subdued than usual this past month too, so something’s wrong. And I think I know what it is.”

     Minho’s not an idiot. He doesn’t fall for the cliches of worrying that his friend has guessed his secret correctly. He knows Jisung will give a completely incorrect assumption and Minho is going to have to pretend it’s true. Wishing that the worst Jisung could come up with could be the truth.

     “It’s getting cold, let’s reach the diner soon,” Minho says instead, walking away faster, knowing he has given all of his cards away. He can’t run anymore.

     Jisung catches up to him in front of the diner and pulls his arm. “You’re scared of university.”

     … what?

     “I’m right, aren’t I?” Jisung says. “You won’t be able to see me as often and you think you’ll be all alone. You’ll leave this town and face something completely unfamiliar. That’s why you also came to my house late at night to celebrate my birthday. Because we might not celebrate it together next year. Same for this birthday. You’re trying to enjoy it, but you feel sad that it may not happen again.”

     At that moment, Minho wants to envelope Jisung in a hug, shield him from the world and the stars that litter it, keeping him safe forever. He knew Jisung would be wrong. But he never expected him to come so close to the truth. To still be able to read Minho perfectly. 

     “I feel like… time is slipping away,” Minho says, feeling the words catch in his throat. He is so grateful that just for this moment, he can wear his heart on his sleeve and share some truths with Jisung, even though he will never know them fully. “I don’t know what to expect in the future and I’m so scared of leaving this all behind. I don’t want things to change.”

     Tears fall down his face and Minho hopes his reaction isn’t too dramatic to be warranted for his problems. But he can no longer hide the time bomb suffocating him every day; taking away so much from him when he just wants to hold on. 

     “Oh, Minho.” Jisung pulls Minho into a hug. “I know all about feeling like there’s not enough time. A strategy that really helps me is just zooming into the moment. It’s hard, but don’t even think about a minute into the future. Focus on opening the door. Then, focus on walking to the table and sitting down. Then on ordering. No more. I don’t want to promise things won’t change in the future. So it’s best to clear it from your mind entirely. Besides, I’m not worried. If there’s anyone that can handle change, it’s you.”

     He lets Minho go and smiles. “Turn the handle and let yourself into the diner.”

     Minho nods. He feels… lighter. Maybe not better, but more like he’s been blessed. If Jisung had tried to reassure him that nothing would change, that things would be okay, Minho knows he would have broken down completely. But no, Jisung has offered him a solution for the present. He’s trying to get Minho to believe in himself, that he’ll be able to brave the waves in the future. Even without completely understanding, he completely understands Minho.

     Minho still doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to be strong without Jisung. But that’s not the problem now. The problem is getting the door open to the diner. The problem is figuring out if he wants to order a light sandwich or a mega sized burger with fries. The problem is figuring out how to kill Changbin when he’s definitely going to bring out a cake with candles and embarrass Minho in front of the entire diner. 

     “Minho, happy 18th birthday. You’re an adult, enjoy it.”

     Minho’s problem is figuring out how to make the most of this day. Nothing else matters.

     Changbin’s shift ends once he brings out the cake, but he comes in later in the night to lock up. Minho always teases him for taking his part-time job at the diner way too seriously, but he kind of gets it. Sure, the pay is mediocre, but it’s the atmosphere and the constant positive chatter that make Minho believe that he’d almost get a job here himself.

     Either way, Minho knows Changbin will stop by that night, so he hangs back at the diner long after Jisung leaves. Changbin greets him with a smile and no surprise.

     “Happy birthday!”

     “Thank,” Minho says, waving it aside, putting a lock on the occasion. “I need to ask you something.”

     Changbin looks at him curiously. “Spill.”

     “You and Felix are friendship Soulmates, right?”

     Changbin almost drops the key he’s holding. It’s an unusual question, that's for sure. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

     Minho takes out his notebook, one he carries so often, it’s like it just appears in his hands whenever he wills it. “I need to ask you guys a few questions. For my article. I’ll start with you first.”

     “What article?”

     Minho explains it. By the end, Changbin’s eyes have lightened up and he responds with a warm gaze.

     “You’re really going somewhere, Lee Minho, you know that?”

     Minho doesn’t know much at the moment. He doesn’t try to. He just focuses on the task ahead.

     “Maybe. Now, on to question one…”

      October 26th, 2016.

      Jeongin doesn’t even try to look surprised this time when Minho is back at his secret headquarters. “Please don’t tell me this time that you’re here for an article.”

     “Sort of-”

     Jeongin almost slams the door in his face before Minho grabs it. “No, no, hear me out!”

     Sympathy is probably the only reason Minho is sitting in Jeongin’s office right now, but entrance is entrance, so he ignores it. “I’m writing an article, but not about you. But I need your input.”

     “Mine? But why?”

     Minho takes a deep breath. “You said not many people really accepted you and Chan’s Soulmate bond, right?”

     Jeongin rolls his eyes. “Nobody said it outright, but you know this town. Whispers speak louder than words.”

     Again, the notebook makes an appearance. Along with the recording device.  “I want to know you guy’s story. Tell me about your relationship. Why it matters as much as any other Soulmate relationship that can exist. This is on the record, so say whatever you want to share.”

     Jeongin’s eyes soften, filled with pain and longing, but also reminiscing at the same time. “What’s there to say? Channie… was a mind reader. He knew me inside and out and we often fought just because of how well we knew each other. People don’t understand what it’s like to have someone under the same roof as you understand you that well. It’s an eternal comfort. I’d wake up every morning feeling happy that he was in the next room.”

     Minho writes down everything as fast as he can, knowing he’ll probably not have the strength to listen to the recorded tape again. “Anything else?”

     Jeongin smiles. “I could be here all day.”

     “Well, lucky for you, I don’t like the concept of time very much anymore, so I can be here all day too.”

     Neither remember if they really were there all day. But Minho exits with pages of notes that feel too precious for him to have, and he knows Jeongin has opened his own box of treasures and is taking his time admiring each one, taking every piece home.

      December 24th, 2016.

      Minho never gets any more spells. He doesn’t expect any; not when he and Jisung are practically glued side to side. He tries to erase them from his mind entirely.

     That’s until he wakes up on Christmas Eve with something he’s sure can’t be a spell, because he doesn't remember his first spell being this damn painful . He wakes up at 8, drifts back to sleep until noon, and then lays in bed feeling like he’s burning hot with a fever while his forehead is ice cold.

     Jisung left early this morning to go ice skating with Felix and his classmates. Minho’s fine with that. He knows he gets Jisung for the evening, and either way, he’s happy about the equal time Jisung is getting with everyone he cares about. Minho doesn’t miss him, but his body disagrees with that notion.

     A text from Jisung chimes in around the late afternoon.

      Jisungie: Will you order pizza, or will I?

      Minho feels guilt so strong, it’s almost worse than the spells. This is their last Christmas together. Moreover, they have planned to complete another item on the List, Minho’s idea. Pull an all nighter. Staying awake until Christmas morning is so damn perfect for a final Christmas but in the state Minho is in, he’s doing everything not to throw up.

      Minho: I’m sick. We have to call it off :(

     If Minho feels any pain from feeling Christmas slip away from him, the spells still overtake it. The spells are controlling him like a puppet on a string and there’s nothing he can do about it.

     Time blurs together when you’re in a spell and that’s no exception for the stupid manifestation of separation anxiety in his body. It’s evening when the doorbell rings and Minho’s phone chimes at the same time. 

      Jisungie: surprise!!!!! open door!

      Making his way downstairs, Minho feels himself recovering with every step. His energy is back and his head is no longer spinning. It’s perfect timing.

     He smiles as brightly as he can when he sees Jisung at the front door with a bowl of soup in his hand.

     But Jisung frowns.

     “Your right ear… isn’t red.”

     Jisung looks so heavily hurt by that one statement that Minho is left startled. True, red ears have been a constant symptom for him whenever he gets sick, but he’s never thought of them as the be all and end all. Jisung apparently has.

     “I… guess not-”

     Before Minho can even finish, Jisung’s hand is on his head.

     “It’s not hot.”

     “I’ve gotten better.”

     “You look just fine.”

     “I’ve gotten better.”

     “Then why didn’t you call me?”

     Jisung sounds so accusing that only air leaves Minho’s mouth. What can he say? That Jisung’s arrival has magically cured his ailment? That his particular sickness is because of Jisung and shows no regular symptoms? Minho can only speak the truth and has nothing to say when not even the truth will be able to convince someone.

     “Did you… lie to me?”

     Minho can suddenly speak again. “What!? God no, why would I-” Now, Minho’s the one who feels a knife to the chest, because this might be the worst accusation he has ever received. From his Soulmate, no less. One he would never lie to, and Minho has stopped counting the first instance a long time ago. “Why would you think that?”

     “I don’t know… you text me that you’re sick, don’t text me when you’re better, and when I come over, you look perfectly fine. Plus, you’re really such a trooper when you get sick. You used to go to school not even caring until I found you.”

     Again, Minho can’t explain anything. He can’t explain how spells are probably infinitely worse than any form of sickness, and not even the biggest troopers can bear it. “That’s… not enough to call me out like that,” is what Minho says instead.

     “Maybe not. But you’re not telling me something, I can tell.”

     Out of all the times for Jisung’s perception to be heightened. Two can play at that game. “And I know you’re thinking it’s something bad. Why would you think that?”

     “What else am I supposed to think!?” Jisung says, his hands up in exasperation. “If there’s a reason you don’t want me to come over, just say so!”

     “I can’t do anything when you’re giving me that look, Jisung. I can’t believe you're jumping to conclusions!” Minho is adding fuel to the fire but it’s what he wants to do. He can never calm his temper down once it’s flared. He can’t hide his emotions.

     “Whatever, Minho. If I’m not invited here and you have nothing to say, then I’m leaving.”

     Minho would have called Jisung back, but he’s too shocked to even process that his Soulmate has walked away. In anger. From him. Like they’re fighting. They’ve never fought, not in their ten years of being friends.

     In his despair, Minho fails to remember that Jisung’s cheeks were pink from a day of being outside. He fails to remember that when Jisung has been consistently active and outdoors, he’s moodier than usual and cannot think rationally. He fails to remember that Jisung is not a patient person and refuses to wait around to dig deeper when something’s not presented to him on the spot. Right now, he’s angry at his Soulmate for his assumptions and is fine to let him walk away.

     The spells return so now, Minho is in too much pain to also remember that Jisung walking away also means one more day lost in the flimsy time they already have.

     The phone rings again at 11:50 at night and Minho already knows who it is.

     “Hey, this is the clown who took over Han Jisung’s body this afternoon and I’ve called to say he feels sorry for his actions.”

     Despite the confident words, Jisung’s voice is shaky and nervous. Minho isn’t surprised. Jisung has never had to apologize. Not to Minho. Not when they’ve never fought. Not when he’s never been one to walk away from anything, much less Minho. Minho has never known what it’s like to receive an apology from Jisung either. Now he does, and he realizes he would forgive Jisung for murder after hearing that innocent voice timidly meaning every word.

     “Can this Han Jisung speak to me directly?” Minho croaks, playing along, because Jisung likes games and Minho will forgive him and play one.

     “He’s too nervous right now because he feels bad for what he’s done. But he has realized that you really don’t sound well. Are you alright?”

     “I wasn’t,” Minho says. “I told you, I was sick.”

     “And I didn’t believe you…” Jisung fades off but then dramatically clears his throat. “I MEAN, Jisung didn’t believe you. He can’t believe he’d not trust the word of someone who’s never lied to him.”

     “And I can’t believe I got so defensive when Jisung’s concerns were legitimate,” Minho says. “I had no right to get mad and push you away when we could have resolved everything so easily. I’m not good at taking the easy way out. I’m sorry for that.”

     “... Jisung forgives you.”

     “Will you ask Jisung to get his butt over here? It’s almost midnight and I think he’d want to at least step inside my house before Christmas Eve ends.”

     “Jisung is on his way!”

     The line clicks and Minho bursts into laughter, then a fit of coughs. But none of that matters when another day just might be salvaged.

     The bell rings and Minho opens the door with a smirk. “Thank goodness. I was worried it would be the clown and I’m not in the mood for that tonight.”

     “I figured you wouldn’t,” Jisung says, panting but all smiles. “That’s why I told him not to come.”

     Silence. Minho knows Jisung is going to apologize in person now. He should too.

     “I’m sorry.” The words come out at the same time.

     “I knew it!”

     “So did I!”

     It’s almost midnight, so Minho pulls Jisung into the house (the latter almost tripping over his feet,) and onto the couch. “Hope you’re not tired. We still have an all- nighter to pull.”

     Jisung doesn’t respond. Instead, he leans over to hug Minho and Minho lets him. His grip is lazy, yet feels the most secure at the same time. “You’re not contagious, right?”

     “I… actually feel fine.” It’s cruel. Too cruel. That Minho needs to feel such pain and Jisung is, quite literally, his medicine. He isn’t supposed to need Jisung this much. Not when he needs to let him go soon.

     He isn’t supposed to be pushing Jisung away for the day when their days are already numbered.

     And just like that, the tears come. Not sticking to his eyes like glue, not with small whimpers. Minho lets it all out and he can barely breathe.

     “Minho, what’s wrong!?”

     “I- I’m sorry.” Minho now knows a pain worse than spells. “I shouldn’t have let you leave. There’s already so little time and I wasted even more. God damn it- we even fought! There’s- there’s no freaking time for that!”

     “What do you mean no time- is this still about university? I promise we have time-”

     “Don’t say the word 'time'.’ Just… don’t.” It’s less of a command, more of a pleading. Jisung follows it either way.

     “Okay… it’s okay, I’m here.”

      Not for long.

     Just like that, almost half an hour passes before Minho is cried out. Christmas arrived somewhere in that time but neither are celebrating.

     “Are you still sick? Do I need to leave?” Jisung asks, voice heavy with concern.

     Minho shakes his head frantically. He can feel the spells pulling at him like dark threads from the corner of his room. He needs Jisung so much right now, it’s unbearable. “We still need to pull an all-nighter. Let’s watch a movie. Sorry… just a little shaken, that’s all.”

     It’s not a lie. Minho has been saying a lot of ‘not lies’ lately. Jisung still doesn’t question them. “Are you sure?”

     “Positive.” Minho smiles. He wants the night to continue, savouring the darkness and dimmed lights until the sun rises with the dawn.

     “Okay…” Jisung also smiles. “In that case, let’s look at our List.”

     He pulls it out, then crosses out an item. He shows Minho, who bursts out laughing.

13. Have a fight.

     “I forgot you added that!” Minho says. “I barely acknowledged it.” Jisung had been insistent that fights were part of friendships and it just couldn’t be true that he and Minho would never have one. Minho had been content enough to believe in the idea of perfect.

     “I guess our fight was a good thing then,” Minho says. “And if we don’t fall asleep, we’ll have another thing to cross off.”

     “You mean when. We’re not falling asleep!”

     So they watch a movie. They pretend the previous hours held no fights or breakdowns. They have their fun and really enjoy themselves, because it’s what they would be doing any day and night they’re together.

     Up until dawn, Jisung, being the kid he is, still tries to crane his ears to hear Santa’s sleigh bells. Minho doesn’t even try. He’s absolutely positive that magic can’t be real at this point. If he wants to cherish the rest of his time with Jisung, it will be by his will and his will only.

      December 31, 2016.

     Streamers and lights bury the town. Fireworks fill up so much of the sky that the stars cannot be seen. Minho doesn’t mind. Fireworks are pretty to look at. Stars, on the other hand, are deceptive; they look so beautiful in the sky when in reality, they’re already dying fireballs, trying to wreck their last bit of destruction before they fade forever.

     “Here’s to a prosperous new year!” Those praises are sung through every street, store, and vendor, and everyone wants to believe it. Minho also wants to, but he knows he can’t always have what he wants.

     “We need to complete even more items on the List next year!” Jisung declares. They’re spreading out on a carpet to see the fireworks and the countdown will soon begin. The whole town will chant it and dream of the future together.

     Minho wonders what Jisung is dreaming about. He hopes they aren’t too big, then feels guilty immediately for wishing so.

     “We definitely will, Jisung,” Minho says.

     Right, the present. Unlike everyone else, Minho is not going to think about the next year. He is going to take Jisung’s advice and think about the itchy felt rug under his legs. He’s going to watch red fireworks light up the sky and argue with Jisung on whether or not it’s an angry colour. They’re going to eat candy apples until their stomachs hurt and they can’t open their mouths.

     Most importantly, he’s going to watch Jisung and hope he’s dreaming big, because big dreams can be held until the very end. They never vanish.

     “10!”

     “9!”

     “8!”

     “7!”

     “6!”

     “5!”

     “4!”

     “3!”

     “2!”

     “1!”

     “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

     Some eccentric town dwellers knock down the stands, others go crazy on firecrackers and sparklers. The civil ones politely clap and pat each other on the back. Jisung is having a go at five sparklers at once, reaching out for a sixth, and Minho looks him in the eyes and says the words he means with all of his heart.

     “Have a great new year, Jisung.”

     May 20th, 2017.

      Jisung is a hopeless romantic.

     He was 12 when he watched Titanic (Minho covered his eyes for half of it,) and ever since then, there has been no turning back. Jisung is a sucker for anything with a satisfying romance and happy ending. It’s later when he discovers he also loves sad stuff. Kill off a person, animal or attack helicopter, and Jisung is hooked. He likes crying. He likes the feeling of  his heart tearing apart. Minho will never understand that.

     Jisung got gifted the book, Dear Evan Hansen, for his 13th birthday from his family. He later discovered it was originally a musical and proceeded to read the book while playing the soundtrack at the appropriate times. He cried ten times (Minho counted. He was in the room doing homework while Jisung was reading. He stopped offering tissues after the fifth time.) But tears meant that Jisung loved the story. And unfortunately, he got Minho hooked too.

     Minho doesn’t find the story particularly emotional (it’s a sad story, but Minho has a thick skull.) What fascinates him is how deceiving the soundtrack is. The songs would seem happy; like an innocent story about two friends, to one who listens to them without any knowledge of the play. But hidden in the songs is a dark tale; a lonely boy’s wish for acceptance, for family, for love. The songs don’t lie about it. They just tell the story in a way where one might not be able to tell the truth right away. As someone who writes only about truth, it shocks Minho that there is more than one way to tell it.

     That’s how a new item got added to the List:

10. See Dear Evan Hansen live :D

      Unfortunately, no musicals are happening anytime soon in their small town and neither of the two get the time to take a mini vacation either. It stays that way for many years but now, this year is the last, and Minho has to do something.

     It’s the final stretch of school and both of them, especially Minho, are cramming to get exams done and assignments turned in. The school newspaper room is as busy as always. Both of their parents are also too busy to take them to a place like New York City to see a musical.

     Minho reaches a sombre conclusion. A musical isn’t going to happen. But he is sure as hell going to accomplish something close.

      End of May or Early June

     This picture- perfect afternoon we shared

      Minho has the lyrics for “For Forever” blasting from his car and he waits in Jisung’s driveway. Jisung cheekbones rise up from recognizing the song, immediately beginning to belt it out.

     “Shhh. Enjoy the vibe!” Minho says as Jisung climbs into the passenger seat.

     “Whatever you say. Where are we going on this fine, picture- perfect afternoon?” Jisung asks, not missing a beat to quote the song.

     Minho smirks. “Watch and see.”

     “Oh, so we’re doing surprises now? Can’t say I’m complaining.”

     The song plays on, calming the atmosphere, but also filling it with a certain buzz that predicts something good will happen. For Forever is a song of two friends, a boy’s recollection of times with his best friends; having someone that understands him like nobody else can. Minho would say the two boys are Soulmates, if Soulmates exist in the Dear Evan Hansen universe.

      Drive the winding country road

      Jisung’s head is out the window as the town fades away and soon, a worn out, gravelly road replaces it, long stretches of grassy field at each side. Jisung almost hits his head against the car multiple times as Minho harshly makes numerous turns on the winding road, no sympathy detected in his driving.

     “I hate you, Minho.”

     “I can turn this car around…”

     “Never mind, you’re great.”

     “That’s what I thought.”

      Grab a scoop at À la Mode

      “I’m always down for ice cream!” Jisung says when Minho finally stops at Apple Hills Ice Cream Parlour. It’s the local stuff; the kind they both unanimously agree is superior.

     Minho tries to hide a smile. Jisung still hasn’t figured it out yet, but maybe he will at their final destination. He can hardly wait as they climb back into the car with sticky hands and sugared teeth.

      And then we’re there

      Jisung gets out with shaky legs, looking around. “What-”

      An open field that’s framed with trees

      “Apple Hills is an orchard?” Jisung asks.

     “It is. With lots and lots of trees,” Minho drawls, waiting for Jisung to crack the code.

     Jisung looks into the distance, where huge oak trees cover the plain. “Oh- OH!”

     “Now you get it?” Minho says.

     “The country road, the ice cream, this orchard… are we recreating Dear Evan Hansen!?” Jisung squeals, jumping up and down, because Minho knows Jisung is also a sucker for that cheesy stuff. He might even like this better than seeing the play.

     “Well, the good parts of it, at least,” Minho says.

     “I’d hope so. What are we waiting for, let’s go!” And just like that, Jisung takes the wheel, dragging Minho to the open fields, grass tickling their toes but not enough to scratch them.

      We pick a spot and shoot the breeze

     Like buddies do

     Quoting songs by our favourite bands

     Telling jokes no one understands

     Except us two

     And we talk and take in the view

      Minho and Jisung don’t need a song to tell them to speak in a language only they two can understand. That’s everyday life for them. Minho isn’t a ‘taking in the view’ type but for today, he tries. He notices how the grass is tinted a golden colour under the hot sunlight, how the light breeze is just enough to cool them off but not enough to chill them to the bone, and how the trees tower over the two of them like they’re ants in this huge orchid and maybe what they do won’t matter as much they think it will. It’s a clear sky today and Minho has never noticed how beautiful it can be; how this huge infinite space can hold so much of a pure colour, not a speck in its vast sea of nothingness.

      All we see is sky for forever

     We let the world pass by for forever

     Seems like we can go on for forever this way

     Two friends on a perfect day

      “I feel stupid. I’m not an outdoors person,” Minho says.

     “Now you are,” Jisung retorts. “This was your idea.”

     “Why do I always have to come up with the good ideas?”

     “I mean, you called it stupid, so…”

     “Just shut up and take in the view, Jisung.”

     “Yes sir.”

      A few moments of silence pass before Jisung sighs, his eyes closed, like he’s asleep. He looks at peace. Almost like-

     “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Jisung says, breaking the silence.

      He looks around and says to me,

     “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be”

      Except this time, Minho doesn’t know if Jisung is following the song or if he really means it. Minho has seen Jisung happy many times. It’s the chaotic kind, the one where sugar buzzes through his veins whether he even had any or not, and the world becomes his playground. This time, Jisung looks fragile, but perhaps the strongest Minho has ever seen him. Like he could stay here forever and not even the seasons and elements could wear him down.

      And I say, “me too”

      “Me too.”

     Minho gets the answer to his question the minute Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise, as if he has just remembered the song lyrics. “Do you… mean it?”

     “Of course.” Minho isn’t talking about this place. But if he could freeze time at this moment, he would, because maybe people can only truly cherish time when it stops forever.

     Suddenly, Jisung stands up, exiting the shade and letting the sunlight bathe his body. He looks behind him to the trees. Then, just like that, he takes off.

      And there he goes

     Racing towards the tallest tree

      “Follow me!”

      From far across the yellow field, I hear him calling, “follow me”

     There we go

      Minho reluctantly gets up and follows the sound of Jisung’s voice, until he meets him in front of a tree, their heads craning up to find the top of it.

      Wondering how the world might look up from up so high

      “You still scared of heights?” comes Jisung’s voice.

      Yes. But little things like that don’t matter to Minho anymore. “Not enough to not do this.”

     Jisung studies Minho a little bit, searching for a lie, but gives up quickly. “I’ll go first. You follow me and I’ll guide you.”

     Of course Jisung has taken rock climbing classes. He’s practically a natural, his feet finding each branch, his hands wrapping firmly around the wood like it’s an extension of himself. Minho, on the other hand, is a scared kitten, cautiously taking one step after another, listening to Jisung’s instructions for each foothold. 

      One foot after the other

     One branch then to another

     I climb higher and higher

      Minho tries to breathe, sure his pulse is going crazy. The urge to look down is like the urge to scratch a mosquito bite. But if he does, he knows he’s not going to meet Jisung at the top. He has to meet Jisung at the top. Already, he can see Jisung getting further away, his back barely in his vision. So Minho climbs faster.

      I climb till the entire

     Sun shines on my face

      Minho is blinded, almost slipping. But the feeling of heat on his face feels amazing, like the light at the end of a tunnel. Like he accomplished something; created something worth treasuring forever. Exhilarated, he takes another step.

      And I suddenly feel the branch give way

      In Minho’s defense, he had NOT been planning to re-enact the entire song, because everything goes downhill from there (literally.) The main character falls from the tree and that’s the story on how he breaks his arm. 

     So when he feels the branch fall from the tree, leaving his foot hanging and his arm barely clutching the branch above, Minho is terrified. He gives into his urge and looks down, immediately screaming. He’s going to fall, land on the ground, broken and bruised until-

     Minho’s thoughts are interrupted when a hand clutches his arm, holding it still. “Pull yourself up! I got you!”

     Jisung. In the end, it’s always Jisung. Jisung balancing himself on a branch to the right while using his free hand to pull Minho up. “Come on!”

      And everything’s… okay

     So with all of his strength, Minho pulls himself up, his chest shuddering from the action. He swallows huge gulps of air, his hands shaking so badly that he can hardly keep his grip on the tree. “I- think- we’ve gone high enough today!”

     “I think so too. But can we just look at the view? Just for a minute?”

     Minho would have said no before. Because before, there would have been a next time to visit this place. There would have been a forever to visit this place. Not anymore. “Of course.”

     “Sit down.” Jisung helps Minho find his balance on the branch, giving him the courage to place his weight on it and sit down. Then… they take in the view. The view of the golden fields, swaying to the beat of the wind, with the trees giving it shelter. Minho lets himself skip to the end of the song; the part where maybe things are okay.

      All we see is sky for forever

     We let the world pass by for forever

     Buddy, you and I for forever this way

     All we see is light

     Cause the sun shines bright

     We could be alright for forever this way

     Two friends

     True friends

     On a perfect day

      It’s a perfect song. To a perfect friendship. A friendship that’s as simple as two friends on a summer day, taking in the view from the tree tops, conquering the world because they have each other.

     Except none of it is real.

     Suddenly, Minho feels like he’s suffocating. Because after all, For Forever is a fabrication. A lie the main character makes up of a best friend he’s supposed to have, to make himself believe there are people out there who care about him and that he’s not alone. The main character is the biggest liar Minho has ever seen and Minho can’t imagine the loneliness he must have felt to drive him to make up such stories.

     Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Because sitting next to Jisung, Minho wonders how he’ll cope when he’s gone. Will he also be making up stories? Trying to remind himself of a light that has long been extinguished? In panic, Minho wonders if any of this is real. Is he actually sitting on top of the tree tops conquering the world with his special friend, or does he just want it so badly that he’s imagining it so? Ridiculous thinking, but Minho’s mind has stretched it’s limit and nothing can make it see sense again.

     “You haven’t thanked me for saving you for falling.”

     Jisung finally speaks. He’s obviously joking but Minho has never been good at jokes.

     “Thank you. Really.”

     Jisung rolls his eyes. “Obviously I did that. Any friend would.”

     Just like that, Minho is sane again. He realizes something. He knows why this is real. Because Jisung saved him before he hit the ground. Unlike the main character who had already fallen before his ‘friend’ had come to get him, Minho’s friend had been with him all along. Real friends save you at the breaking point every time. No matter how close you come to losing control, someone will be there to pull you back, and that’s when you know that person is real.

     “I think we’re paying a special homage to Dear Evan Hansen, because our friendship is real,” Minho blurts out.

     Jisung snorts. “Dang, you really did my guy Evan dirty like that. But true. They should change the story of the musical and cast us as the leads.”

     “Totally. Then we’ll get fame and money. What will you do with yours?”

     “Since it’s my idea, I think I should also get your share.”

     “Okay, douchebag, but my question?”

     Jisung shrugs. “I’ll save it until I know what to do with it. I have time anyways.”

      We could be all right for forever, this way.

     Two friends.

     True friends.

     On a perfect day.

      “Let’s head home before it gets dark,” Minho says, hoping the sunlight masks the shadows in his words.

     “Awww!”

     “I’m the mature one, so come along, Sungie.”

     “Awwww!”

     But they head home. They cross off 10. See Dear Evan Hansen live :D on the list, because their day was everything they could have asked for and more. They high five on a job well done, because they’re all a roll.

     Minho falls asleep satisfied. But he also falls asleep wishing so, so badly that all of this could be for forever.

      June 10th, 2017.

14. Go to a party!

     Nothing more needs to be said. Minho and Jisung are in high school and attending a party is an essential criterion. But invitations are scarce for wide age groups and Minho and Jisung want to experience their first party together.

     As the school year is coming to a close, Minho thinks their chances are dwindling away. But then, Seungmin saves the day. He lives in one of the nicer houses in town and his parents are away for the weekend. He gets to hold a ‘last month of school’ party and invites everyone on the newspaper team, saying they can invite their friends too. Minho thanks him profusely, inviting very odd looks from the latter.

     “Guess who’s going to be a party kid!” Minho holds the shiny envelope (Seungmin is extra like that) up to Jisung, a grin on his face. “And it’s a costume party!”

     “Oooh, let’s go with Soulmate costumes!”

     “What would that even be-”

     “Leave it to me! I’ll be at your house at 6!”

     So the day has arrived but unfortunately, Minho would right now rather fall off a tree a hundred times than attend the party. Why? Because it is Seungmin’s party. And wherever Seungmin is, there will be a Hwang Hyunjin.

     To back it up, Hwang Hyunjin is another staff member on the newspaper team. He’s Seungmin’s friend and the two stick together like glue. There are rumours around school that the two could be Soulmates but neither of them is jumping at the chance to prove them. Minho doesn’t see it as far- fetched but that question is far from his problems.

     The week before, he had given constructive criticism on Hyunjin’s piece on the ups and downs of the entertainment industry. Okay- maybe it hadn’t exactly been constructive. Maybe Minho had been stressed because of the coming newspaper deadline and had said a few choice words about Hyunjin’s article. And maybe those words hadn’t been per say… very nice .

     Long story short, Hyunjin kicked a chair against the wall. “You’re a real jerk, you know that?”

     “If you find me a jerk, you’re going to love the people in the real world,” Minho deadpanned. “So either redo the piece and have it on my desk by next week, or you can pack up your stuff and quit. I assure you, it won’t be a huge loss.”

     By this point, Hyunjin’s face was completely red; by anger or embarrassment, Minho didn't know. He stalked dangerously up to Minho, his fist clenched. “Why you…”

     “Hyunjin, leave it. He’s not worth it.” Seungmin took Hyunjin’s arm, pulling him away. “Let’s just go.”

     Minho would have been thankful to Seungmin for saving him from a possibly fatal injury if his cold tone weren’t directed at Minho. Minho knows he and Seungmin aren’t really friends, so insults aren’t out of the question. But it still does bruise his pride as an editor to have one of his most trusted colleagues speak of him like he’s a mere insect on the wall.

     Hyunjin shot Minho a death glare before leaving the room. “This isn’t over, Minho.”

     Minho’s face stayed neutral, unwavering from the threat. But the threat still feels real and Minho isn’t particularly eager to figure out its legitimacy at his first party.

     He’s mid panic when Jisung comes crashing through the window, armed with a bulky backpack. “I have the solution!”

     Minho blinks multiple times. “Okay, first of all, just because the window is open, doesn’t mean you come through the window . And second of all, solution to what?”

     “Your Hyunjin problem!” Jisung says, completely ignoring the window remark. “How you can avoid him!”

     “How- how did you know I was worried about that?”

     “Because we’re Soulmates?” Jisung says, his tone so obvious that Minho feels stupid. “You were ranting to me on and on about how frustrating Hyunjin is, but you were definitely scared. But fear not, your trusty Soulmate is here to save the day!”

     Minho arches a brow. “How?”

     Jisung rummages through his backpack until he pulls out two bags. He throws one at Minho. “Here’s your costume!”

     Minho opens it quizzically. He becomes even more confused, seeing what it is. “A… Robin costume?”

     “And I’m Batman!” Jisung says, holding up his costume, his face glowing with pride. “Both have masks, so Hyunjin won’t recognize you. What do you think?”

     “I have concerns.”

     “State them.”

     “First of all, why am I the sidekick ?” Minho asks, starting with the most important question of all.

     “Because I’m cooler. Next?”

     “My hair gives me away, so it doesn’t matter if my face is covered.”

     “Ah hah! Luckily, your incredibly cool and smart leader thought of that too!”

     Jisung throws Minho a cowboy hat.

     So now, Minho is a cowboy Robin. “Great…”

     “With that attitude, everyone will recognize you. Now get changed and let’s go!”

     The party is hella crowded, so at first, Minho is sure he won’t even run into Hyunjin.

     But you know, life hates him, the stars hate him. So who should he and Jisung meet near the drink table but Seungmin and Hyunjin. Hyunjin is rocking the ice prince look, his eyes stuck in a cold facade (doesn’t help that his costume is a prince,) and Seungmin is next to him, donning a knight costume and frantically tapping what must be a checklist on his phone. “Hello, Jisung. And…” Minho nearly sighs in relief when not even Seungmin can recognize him.

     “Yeah, hey. Who’s your friend?” Hyunjin asks nonchalantly.

     “That’s my… cousin!” Jisung says, and Minho nearly chokes on his apple juice. “His name is… Lee Know.” Minho wants to slap Jisung at that moment.

     “Lee Know, huh… interesting name.” But Hyunjin doesn’t seem to care less, only giving Minho a subtle wave which Minho barely returns. “Thought you’d be with your Soulmate .”

     Thank goodness Minho is in disguise. He would have definitely been screwed with the way Hyunjin talks about him like he already has a knife through his gut. 

     “He’s sick today, couldn’t make it.” At least that’s a convincing lie.

     “Well, nice to see both of you,” Seungmin says, rushing through the formalities. “See you around.” Hyunjin grunts in agreement.

     “Yeah, that!” Jisung waves as the two walk away. He puts his hand down. “Okay, coast clear.”

     “I’m never trusting you to cover for me again!”

     “It worked, Minho, stop whining.”

     Minho is beginning to wonder if maybe he really should slap Jisung, when a few calls interrupt him. “JISUNGGGG!”

     It’s Felix. Along with Jisung’s other friends. “Come over here!”

     Jisung looks at Minho apologetically. “Is that okay?”

     “What? Of course, I’m not your guardian. I’ll go find some of my friends too.”

     “Okay, meet you here at midnight!”

     When the clock strikes 12. Minho allows himself to laugh at the reference as he goes to find some other friends. The party passes by leisurely. It was definitely worth coming and at least Minho can cross this experience off his list. It’s almost midnight when he finds himself alone again, giving himself a breath of fresh air outside.

     “Minho.”

     Minho recognizes the voice immediately, dread building up in him as he turns around.

     Hyunjin. Minho is still wearing his mask and hat yet Hyunjin recognizes him. “How do you… know it’s me?”

     “Jisung told me. He told me to find you. Apparently you have something to say to me.”

     Minho stands there dumbstrucked. Did Jisung… go behind his back? No, there must be another reason.

     Wait- there is.

      I don’t know, Minho… maybe you were a bit harsh to Hyunjin. I would get angry hearing stuff like that too. You should apologize. That was what Jisung had told Minho the past week; a statement Minho had promptly ignored. But Jisung clearly hasn’t forgotten.

     And that’s when Minho remembers another item on the List. One added by Jisung against Minho’s will:

15. Resolve a conflict instead of walking away from it.

     But Minho is good at walking away. He sees no need to communicate with someone who can’t handle the truth. They either deal with it, or go elsewhere where they will be lied to. It’s Minho's job to tell the truth and tell it right.

      Telling the truth the proper way doesn’t always mean the harsh way, Minho. Minho has heard that statement several times. From his teachers, parents, Jisung, Changbin, newspaper colleagues, lots of people in short.

     “Is this… about the newspaper incident?” Minho asks, deciding to stay still for just a moment before walking away.

     “I hope it is,” Hyunjin says. “I’m still furious with you about that.”

     “Furious that I told you the truth?”

     “Not that,” Hyunjin says, his voice more subdued, but also determined to get a say. It’s a journalist voice. “I wrote that article sleep deprived, I know it’s crap. But you made me feel… like it’s worse than that. Like none of my work mattered, like I don’t deserve a spot on the team. That hurt . Even more when I know you don’t lie.”

      Minho doesn’t lie. But didn’t he? Did he really think that low of Hyunjin? Hyunjin is a dedicated worker and his articles always have a unique edge to them, whether it is a hint of humour or the extra mile of research. He and Seungmin get along extremely well and contribute to the group dynamic of the team. One mishap doesn’t take that away.

     “I… didn’t mean those things then,” Minho admits. Hyunjin’s face morphs into shock and Minho continues, realizing what he has to say. “Some of what I say… can come off as really harsh. It’s a flaw I have and it can get me into really hot water, like it did with you. Don’t take what I said seriously.”

     “... really?”

     “Yeah.” Minho cracks a smile and swallows his pride. “I’m… sorry for that. You’re essential to the team and I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on you. I hope you can forgive me.”

     Hyunjin is speechless and Minho would find that offensive if he didn’t deserve it. Maybe it doesn’t hurt to owe up to the flaw he always denied he had. Jisung was right to add it to the List.

     “T- thanks! I forgive you. Sorry for almost going all Godzilla on you also.”

     “All forgiven. But don’t let this sweet moment make you forget about that article I still need done.”

     “Yes sir!” Hyunjin laughs at his own casualness. “So we good now?”

     “We’re good.”

     “Then see you at school.” Hyunjin leaves with a final smile, heading off to where Minho can bet his entire journalism career that Seungmin will be waiting. That's another good thing about making up with Hyunjin. He might just learn the answer to that.

     “We have this party item off the List!” Jisung cheers when Minho meets up with him again.

     “Yes,” Minho says. He gives a sly smile. “And… one more.”

     Jisung stares blankly at Minho for a second before widening his face into a grin. “You talked to Hyunjin! Let’s go, character development!”

     “I hope you know I hate you.”

     “I hope you remember when you’re old and crumbling that I was the one who made you a better person.”

      Jisung, you always have been. But instead, Minho slaps Jisung on the back of the head. “As if!”

     “You’ll thank me when more people see you as a nice person!”

     Soon, a hoard of sophomores rush in and drag Jisung. “We’re having a sophomore party, so we’re stealing Jisung,” Felix tells Minho, having the decency to look sympathetic. “We’ll have him back by 2.”

     Minho rolls his eyes playfully. “Nah, keep him for the night. I know I steal him away enough.”

     “Well, I know I steal Changbin away a lot too, so we’re even.”

     “Touche.”

     “See ya, Minho!” Jisung hollers as he’s whisked away by his classmates. Minho waves back, knowing another day with Jisung is gone, but this time, Jisung’s classmates deserve to get the next day. When has he gotten so selfless? He really should be giving himself a pat on the back.

     The day ends with two items on the List finished. The List is almost complete.

      June 25th, 2017.

      Minho is practically screaming on the phone. Jisung can’t hear him properly so he comes over instead.

     “I got into Yale!” Minho is smiling so hard, his teeth hurt. But it doesn’t matter. This is it. The endgame he has been working so hard towards. The acceptance letter is like gold in his hands.

     But Jisung, being Jisung, celebrates even harder. “I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!”

     They jump around like little kids again, because this is a special moment for both of them. They share each victory, whether it’s for them or not.

     “Now I just need to get in!” Jisung says.

     Minho can’t celebrate anymore.

     “Hey, let’s watch a movie.”

     “Okay…”

     The screams of people driving off cliffs does nothing to make Minho forget that Jisung won’t ever get the chance to even try to apply for his future. Now, his acceptance letter only feels like a drab piece of paper on his lap. He lets it fall beside him, not batting an eye when it collects dust on the floor.

      June 28th, 2017.

      Black, flat hats are thrown in the air, falling all around them like bullets. Minho smiles, but feels heavy in the chest at the same time. Graduation was always meant to be bittersweet but nothing prepared him for this. A lot of his classmates have already begun to cry.

     “If you need to cry, I won’t laugh,” Jisung says when he meets Minho at the end of the ceremony.

     “I think I need a trip to the diner for my wounded heart.”

     “Don’t you need to say goodbye to your classmates?”

     “All done. Let’s go.” Minho shared a final toast to the newspaper club, passing on his editor duties to Seungmin with a heavy heart. But he knows Seungmin will keep the club in its shining glory. That’s what a trusted worker is. He has to leave this all behind but he’ll never forget it. Graduation really is bittersweet.

     Jisung is also in a pretty good mood himself and Minho knows why. Exam results came in and he scored an 80. That would not be as much of a spectacular thing as it is except for the fact that Jisung was told the exam date a few months before. He asked for it specifically, in order to complete another item on the List:

16. Handle a major deadline.

     It was stressful, but Jisung has grown up. He can now take deep breaths and push himself through it, one study session at a time. He’s giving his full effort to complete the List and Minho can’t ask for anything more perfect than that.

     Now, only summer remains. For most people, the end of summer means school starts. Nobody wants it to end.

     For Minho, summer is his final time with Jisung. It was on the last day of summer when his life mark changed his life. He needs to make these final two months count. They can’t pass quickly. They need to last.

     “This summer will be so fun, time will pass by before we even know it!” Jisung says enthusiastically.

     Minho smiles, but it’s only on his face. He has no intention for time to pass at all.

      June 1st, 2017.

      Minho wakes up early to put pen to paper. He’s always been a morning writer, feeling energized by the rush of ideas in his head. He has a final task in front of him. The final, but also the very first, item on the List. He’s armed with his interviews and research, and he’s ready.

     Before, Minho had been at a loss for what to write. He didn’t have enough words, enough ways to explain something beyond explaining. Now, he still may not have the words, but he’s willing to search for them.

     Minho now understands that truths can be told in different ways. They can be told like lies, like in Dear Evan Hansen. They can be told in a direct, but understanding way, to avoid hurt feelings and still get results (something Minho is still trying to learn ever since his talk with Hyunjin.) Truths are allowed to be exaggerated, and they’re allowed to use words that are imperfect. Minho just needs to explore.

     There’s a certain word he’s been toying with. A word that’s always been foreign to Minho, and one Minho is still reluctant to believe in. Minho can’t explain the word, but the word itself explains so much. He doesn't understand it, but Minho can’t think of a better one.

     He writes it down. And the rest of the article comes like magic.

     SEPTEMBER 3RD, 2017.

     The day is too beautiful.

     Minho doesn’t find it fair at all. It’s ridiculous how after today, his world will turn dark yet outside, it’s as bright as ever, because everyone is so happy and nobody understands that someone special is leaving this world. Minho wants rain. He wants lighting, thunder, blizzards, floods, anything to show that the world is also mourning and he’s not the only one who will be destroyed after today.

     When Minho wakes up at 6am, the first thing he does is unwrap his hand to see the number that has been ticking down this entire year.

     0.

     For a moment, Minho’s terrified that it’s already too late. That the stars started working at the crack of dawn and now their damage is done. Frantically, Minho calls Jisung’s number.  

     “I hate you, I hate you, I hate youuuuu!”

     “Jisung, hi!” Minho almost faints from relief.

     “No, don’t ‘hi’ me! Why are you calling me this early!?”

     “Wanna go to an amusement park?”

     “This early!?”

     “Good parking.”

     “Okay, I slightly forgive you for ruining my beauty sleep.”

     So by 8am, the two are at the park closest to town, but Minho still feels like it’s too late.

     “So what do you want to do?” Jisung says, his sentence almost incomprehensible with how much he’s yawning in between.

     “Everything.”

     “Wait, really-”

     “Everything.”

     “So you’ll even go on the scary rides with me?”

     “When I say everything, I mean everything.”

     Jisung whoops in joy. “If this is some ‘final day until you’re a college student’ type of buzz, I’m lovin it!”

     School begins in a few days. But Minho has to leave earlier, so he can get settled in his dorm and choose his courses. He’s supposed to already be packed by now to leave tomorrow, but he hasn’t bothered. He’s going to be given a few weeks break from school anyways to mourn. Minho doesn’t understand what good those weeks will do when he’s already been mourning the entire year, but he refuses to do anything else right now except stay by Jisung’s side.

     Minho feels like throwing up several times during the day, mostly due to the heavy roller coaster drops, but Jisung is having the time of his life. There’s a nagging voice in Minho’s head, pushing him more and more until he’s barely holding on.

      Tell him.

     He has to know.

     Tell him now.

      But ‘now’ is never a good time. Minho can’t wipe the smile off Jisung's face yet. He needs to make it last. He needs to keep it there until it is erased forever.

     So Minho keeps his mouth shut.

     But something else is bothering Minho and he blurts it out when the two are eating a greasy pizza lunch after several rides.

     “Did you find this entire year worth it?”

     Jisung doesn’t respond right away, chewing his food like a squirrel and taking forever to swallow. Finally, he raises a brow. “What d’ya mean?”

     “This was the final year before I leave for college. Did we make the most out of it?”

     Jisung nods profusely, with so much certainty, Minho wants to put Jisung in front of a podium so he will try to convince him.

     “I mean, we’ve completed most of the List. We had a blast doing it too. I finally got to spend more time with my parents and my friends, and most of all, you. I think you need to brag about this year as your best senior year you could have.”

     Jisung pauses for a moment before continuing. “We have completed most of the List, right?”

     Minho nods. “Except… one.”

     “Which one?”

     “The very first. About writing something important.”

     Jisung only shrugs. “You’ll get it done. You have time.”

     Minho decides not to tell Jisung about his progress for that List item. That’s another thing he will save until the very end. 

     They’re at the diner that evening when Minho feels like the last shred of his willpower is crumbling away. He holds his breath for every moment, terrified that every time he looks at Jisung, it will be the last, and therefore, never takes his eyes away from his Soulmate. He knows that any car, any stumble, any shock, can end it all. It’s worse knowing that it will all end no matter what.

      You need to tell him.

      It’s now or never.

     “I should get home. My parents are waking me up early tomorrow for school supply shopping. But I’ll come by your house in the afternoon to say goodbye.” Jisung gets up.

      No, you won’t! “Can I walk with you home?” Minho asks instead.

     Minho has done this before, so Jisung doesn’t bat an eye. “Come on.”  

     They’re barely outside the diner when Minho knows he can’t wait anymore. Call it a Soulmate feeling, call it anything, but in front of the street with no traffic lights, Minho grabs Jisung’s wrist so tightly, he knows his knuckle will turn white.  

     “Minho, what’s wrong?”

     Minho doesn’t take his eyes off Jisung, trying to commit everything to memory. His concerned face, looking at Minho like he’s the only thing that matters at the moment, his raised cheekbones, neat brown hair hidden behind a baseball cap, everything. But Minho knows he will remember all of it no matter what.

     “Jisung-” Minho’s voice cracks. The only blessing he has is that the streets are empty. Usually, the darkness brings out more people, but maybe just for today, the stars have taken pity on Minho.

      Tell him.

     TELL HIM.

      “This is- This is… the last day I’m going to see you.”

     Jisung stares at him blankly and Minho wants to hide it for longer. But truths never disappear for long and Minho is the last person who can do such a thing. “What do you mean? We’ll still see each other during breaks, even if you’re at Yale.”

     “No, it’s-” Minho can’t say the words. Instead, he rips the bandage off his hand and takes out his journalist pen. Holding out his wrist to Jisung, he traces the mark so he can see the bolded 0, taking everything away from them. Time has ended and Minho can no longer grab it and make it stay for longer.

     Jisung just stares.

     He stares until now, he’s only breathing and it’s the only thing he seems to be able to do until he chokes out words.

     “But you said- you said 85-”

     “I lied.”

     Jisung’s eyes widen and Minho, with horror, realizes that Jisung can hate him in his last moments. That it’s possible he will never forgive Minho for keeping all of this locked inside of him, trying to lock Jisung out of that dark space for as long as he can.

     “So today, I’m going to…”

     “Yes.” And now, Minho is crying and it’s not fair of him. He needs to be there for Jisung but all he can focus on is his thumping chest, his ringing head, and the voices screaming in his head. This truly must be how it feels for the world to end.

     Minho brings Jisung close, knowing he’s squeezing all of the air out of him, but none of that matters anymore, because even if time is working against him, it can’t take his Soulmate away from him until the stars finally decide to.

     Minho is terrified that Jisung will push him away. That will be the worst pain of all. But he doesn’t. He stands there limp, not returning the embrace, but not rejecting it either.

     “You… really are my Soulmate.”

     “... good thing you’ve noticed, or we’d have a problem on our hands.” Minho must truly be going crazy if he’s joking at a time like this.

     “No. I mean it. This year must have been literal hell for you and you endured it just so… I could be happy?” And now, Jisung is crying.

     “You know I can’t handle deadlines! So you… didn’t tell me! I was blindly happy and what about you!? Were you happy too, Minho?”

     Minho barely processes the question as he tries to comfort Jisung, sobs shaking his body whole.

     “Tell me you were happy! Tell me you didn’t give all of that up just because I can’t handle not having time!”

     “I was happy!” The words boom out, because Minho needs them to be a part of Jisung, a final treasure to carry to the afterlife. “I can never not be happy, Jisung, when I’m with you. I know that sounds cheesy, but don’t think for a second that this year wasn’t worth it for me either. Everything we did was worth every second, because time stands still when I’m with you, Han Jisung.”

     And Minho had wanted time to stand still so many times.

     “So your worries about not having time... it wasn’t about college?”

     “No.”

     “And you let me spend my birthday with my parents, and spend so much time with my other friends, because… you were dividing up the time?”

     “Exactly.”

     Now, Jisung’s crying is quieter, but in a way, it’s far more painful, like the hurt is too much to let out in sounds. “I… don’t want to die. I was supposed to stay by your side. I was supposed to get into Yale, decide a path for myself, have you help me figure it all out.”

     He finally hugs Minho back and it feels desperate, like he’s holding onto a cliff edge with an abyss below. “I… don’t want to die!”

     This has happened before. Where Jisung lets himself feel trapped by the limits of time. Where it’s rushing at him like an approaching train and he’s terrified it’s going to hit him. Minho knows just what to do.

     “Hey, Sungie. Remember our first fight?”

     “Y- y- yeah?”

     “You felt sorry and arrived at my house at exactly 11:58. You were so particular to get there before midnight. I’ve never met anyone as stubborn as you.”

     “I mean… you’re the one who made sure to call me before midnight on my birthday, so we could celebrate before it ended.” Jisung laughs a little. It’s working. He’s distracted.

     “But we still had fun. I hope you had a great time with your parents.” Minho musters a smile, even though it feels like a 10-tonne weight of lead is pushing it down.

     “I told you- they were amazing. I… really liked that trip.”

     “How about our trip to the orchard?”

     “That was nice…” Jisung says in a whisper. “It was just like… Dear Evan Hansen. I can’t believe you thought of all of that.”

     “And you caught me before I fell. You always were by my side, Sungie.”

     “Does saving you at Seungmin’s party also count as being by your side?”

     “How can I forget about that beautiful Robin costume?” Minho lets his words brighten up, like there’s a bubble surrounding their final moment and nobody can enter it. “But I’m never forgiving you for getting me to talk to Hyunjin.”

     “It- worked out, didn't it?”

     “I guess so. Why do you always end up rescuing me?”

     “Because- I’m a great Soulmate, aren’t I? Was I really always by your side?”

     “Always.”

     “And you were by mine.”

     “That’s nice to hear.”

     They stand there together in silence, the dark sky littered with stars cocooning them, the warm air shielding them from the coldness waiting for them. Jisung has stopped crying. Minho knows this is the moment to share his final piece of news.

     “Jisung, I did it. I wrote a story.”

     Jisung doesn’t even ask what he’s talking about. He’ll always know. “... really? What’s it about?”

     Minho pulls away from Jisung, just for a second. He reaches into his bag until he brings out a typed copy. “See for yourself.”

     The streetlights are just enough for Jisung to make out the words. His face gives everything away, for every line. He’s surprised, then happy, then completely immersed. When he’s done, he’s looking at Minho with a huge smile on his face.

     “You wrote… our story?”

     “Pretty much,” Minho says. “I want people to understand that Soulmates can be anything, whether it’s friends, family or lovers. No form of Soulmates will ever mean less than another. That’s why I interviewed people like Felix, Changbin... and Jeongin. I also… want lifemarks to be less celebrated. Jeongin had everything taken away from him because of a lifemark. And now…” Minho can’t say it.

     He just pulls Jisung back, because the distance is becoming too much and they need to close it before it widens forever.

     “It’s beautiful,” Jisung says. “It’s a story the world needs to hear.”

     It’s a story that may not even escape the confines of their small town. But no matter where it goes, Minho knows it holds something that’s worth reading. Maybe that’s what it means to write something important. It’s the impact, not the quantity. 

     So mentally, Minho checks off the final item of the List.

     “I guess… this is goodbye,” Jisung says. He bursts into tears again and holds onto Minho because he can’t let go. Minho already knows it will be over the minute he does.

     “I love you.”

     There’s nothing romantic behind the words, and there doesn’t need to be. After all, love is unconditional caring. It’s a bond with no expectations or beliefs. It’s a connection where another’s happiness becomes your own and their sadness tears your world apart. Minho can say he loves Han Jisung with his entire heart because even in the days after, he will continue to care about him, to remember him, steal a moment every day to think about him.

     Nothing about Han Jisung was supposed to make sense. Now, Jisung is the only thing Minho can make sense of and he knows nothing will make sense once he’s gone.

     “I love you,” Jisung whispers back, because Minho knows Jisung will always be by his side; that’s how much he cares too.

     And now, he needs to let go. Minho can already feel the rising pressure.

     Time has finally caught up. There’s no more running.

     Jisung’s hand is in Minho’s and soon, that won’t be there either. Jisung steals one last glance back at Minho, his face shiny with tears.

     But through it all, he gives a small smile. Barely an upward curve of his lips, but it brightens his entire face and Minho will see that expression forever.

     “Goodbye, Minho.”

     Minho swallows his tears, afraid his voice won’t work anymore. But just this last time, it does.

     “Goodbye, Jisung.”

     And soon, he’s off. But Minho’s eyes stay glued to his back, even as it disappears further and further away. Even when a honk of a car and a sound of a body hitting the ground crack the atmosphere, Minho still thinks about the high-cheeked, brown-haired, smiling boy walking away, towards a world he deserves. It’s hard to extinguish light. The stars can try, but they will never manage it.

     For the first time ever, Minho wishes there had been a traffic light in front of the diner. But he knows it wouldn’t have made a difference.

      September 3rd, 2028.

      The newspaper office is celebrating today.

     Even after so many years, people are a sucker for love stories. And the story of the two Soulmates who have just gotten engaged is the latest buzz in the office. Everyone is congratulating the new couple and begging to see the ring.

     Lee Minho, age 30, smiles at hearing the commotion, even though nobody will see it. He doesn’t bother to congratulate his workmates. Nobody minds that he doesn’t. They know Minho’s own skeletons in his closet prevent him from meaning the praises he’s supposed to sing, and they much prefer it when Minho means what he says.

     He’s not a bad person. Minho is happy for the pair. They’re living a story everyone dreams to be the main characters of. Who’s Minho to tell people that stories don’t always have happy endings? Some truths are best left in the drawing books.

     Minho knows that eventually, he too will settle down. His future partner won’t be a Soulmate, but still someone who means something to him. Both will know that each other’s hearts will always belong to someone else, but that’s okay. It will be a comfortable relationship and that’s all Minho can ask for.

     Minho settles to think about the nice things of today. His boss has been hinting at a promotion for quite some time, and one of his articles has been put into consideration for the New York Times. Dreams don’t always come true but Minho’s happy that his has. That’s the one gift he’s been given.

     Remembering it’s September 3rd, Minho reaches into his wallet, taking out a small photo that has never left its shelter for the past 12 years. A single seashell is taped at its corner.

     The photo is stuck in time. A 16-year-old boy’s grin is plastered there forever and although time has swept Minho along, he forever belongs back in the years of this picture. 

     The second photo accompanying it, of his 18-year-old self giving a polite smile while his Soulmate sticks his tongue out at the camera with no shame, only proves this point.

     “That’s a nice photo. Who is he?”

     Minho didn’t notice someone was by his desk. He doesn’t mind the company. “That’s Han Jisung.”

     The photo in his wallet already speaks volumes. It spells out Minho’s entire story and Minho is thankful for that. It’s one too painful for him to tell anyways.

     “Are you the one who wrote that Soulmate story?”

     Right, that story. The story that did manage to escape town. The story can got more people talking than Minho had originally predicted. It’s still not a story the world knows. But it’s a story that people will still be talking about, even today. Even if one more person in the world can look at a pair of Soulmates and congratulate them no matter who they are, it will be enough. Even if one more person doesn’t ask about a lifemark and the future it’s spelled out, that will be enough.

     “Yes, that’s me.”

     “Han Jisung… who is he to you? If it’s okay for me to ask.”

     Minho pauses all of his actions. It’s an odd question. But the person asking the question asks it with caution, but also openness. They ask it in present tense, like they understand that a Soulmate is a Soulmate forever, whether in life or death. Their tone holds sympathy, but also perhaps a story of their own. For the first time in a while, Minho finds himself curious to know it.

     He looks at the photo one last time. Who is Han Jisung? Years ago, he sat at a desk, struggling to find the right words to answer such a question. Now, the answer comes quickly, because it’s an answer he’s grown accustomed to over the years. It fits perfectly.

     Minho doesn’t believe in the word. But perhaps it’s also a word he’s believed in ever since a young boy offered him a blue pencil crayon, reading him whole with a single gesture. Maybe it’s something Minho has believed in all along.

     “He’s magic.”

      This is a story about a boy who is magic. His name is Han Jisung.