Archive of Our Own

“I’m gonna go out again,” Dream calls from the entryway, and Sapnap hears keys jangling. “I’ll be home late tonight!”

And before Sapnap can say goodbye or even you promised you’d watch Death Note with me tonight , the door shuts and Sapnap knows he’s going to see his girlfriend that he’s repeatedly been seeing for a month and 12 days now. Or “girl that’s a friend,” as Dream calls it. But Sapnap sees right through him, as he always does because they’ve been best friends for ten years. 

Best friends.  

The title still stings, despite having put up with it all these years. “Best friends” as in one of them wants to be more, wants to bypass whatever stupid zone he’s stuck in and demolish the damn title. Because who wants to be best friends if you could be boyfriends; maybe even husbands one day?

Because while Dream tells the public that George’s future is his future, Sapnap knows that Dream is in his, more than anything, more than anyone else. His future, whether Dream’s married by then or not, whether they live together anymore, whether they’re in constant contact, will be spent sitting at home, longing for Dream until the end of time. 

And yeah , he notes, as he sits down to watch football, alone tonight, maybe the end of time is a long shot. But it doesn’t feel like it. Sapnap knows, deep down, that he will never stop loving Dream. Even if his heart shatters a million times over, even if it’s in pieces by the end of all of this, he will still have a place in it for Dream, and for Dream only. 

And it hurts, yeah, knowing that Dream is probably out holding hands with a girl Sapnap’s never met, kissing maybe even and being all soft and disgusting . Sapnap stifles a gag, despite being alone where he sits. 

The football that’s being displayed on the TV bores him, and he hates how familiar this feeling is. He doesn’t like either of the teams, and neither of them are very good. It’s not the same when Dream’s out of the house; not when he would usually come in mid-game and sit next to Sapnap after making his special popcorn for the both of them, because he knows how Sapnap likes it made. 

His heart twists. Dream.

Dream. Dream. Dream. Dream. Dream.

It was painful, to say the least.

He turns off the TV. His stomach hurts too much to pay attention. 

He was supposed to watch Death Note with me tonight. 

But instead, he’s out with a girl that Sapnap knows is just Dream’s type. 

Everything he tries to do to distract himself takes too much energy, and his chest is too heavy to actually really focus on anything, so he just turns off his phone, shoves it in his pocket, mopes all the way his room, shuts the door, locks it even though he has no reason to, and lays on his bed and turns on the fan and stares right up at it so when the tears fall, they stings his eyes. 

—

At one point, he had turned off the fan and fell asleep. 

He doesn’t know what time it is when Dream knocks repetitively on his door. 

“Sapnap! Wake up! I made pancakes!”

And he wants to cry all over again. 

Because Dream’s voice sounds like sunshine, because he sounds happier than he normally does this early in the day, because he made pancakes and he’s so goddamn excited .

“Really?” he calls out in response sleepily, trying to keep his voice steady. “You never make breakfast!” His voice cracks and his heart might a little as well. He tries, so hard, to match Dream’s joy. 

“I did! All by myself! I think they’re really good too, so you have to get up and try them!”

Sapnap feels his face crumble and his lip quiver, but he takes a deep breath and pulls off his sheets, his legs immediately cold from the previously-chilled air. He tries not to think about the night before as he pulls on some pants, unlocking and opening the door. 

Dream is still waiting for him. 

“Goodmorning!” 

Sapnap collapses into his chest, wrapping his arms around a slim waist and tightening them so that he’s held close. Because if he needed anything at all, it was a hug from Dream. Dream squeezes him once. 

“Hi,” he says gently into Sapnap’s hair, wrapping his arms around his chest. He slides a hand into the brunet’s hair, rubbing his scalp in circular motions. Sapnap hides his face in Dream’s chest. 

He doesn’t say it back, worried that if he speaks too much, his voice will break again. However, multiple questions enter his mind. Did you remember that you promised to watch anime with me last night? How was your night out? Are you guys dating now? 

Do you know how much pain I’m in?

“C’mon, Sap,” Dream coaxes, pulling away ever so slightly and tugging on his loose white t-shirt that might actually be Dream’s. Or, had been Dream’s to start with. It was his now. “You have to eat my pancakes. They will blow your mind.”

Sapnap wants to cry. But he just pulls away from Dream slowly and Dream takes his hand, pulling him into the kitchen. His mind is foggy and his chest hurts. He doesn’t let go of his hand until they split and go on separate sides of the island that’s attached to the wall. 

He almost doesn’t catch the plain mini pancake that’s thrown towards him without warning. It makes it into the crevice between his bicep and forearm, and he picks it up and takes a bite of the fluffy food. 

His face immediately lights up at the taste; they’re very good. Whether it was the recipe or the fact that Dream made them all by himself, they taste amazing.

“Wow, Dream!” He shoves the entire thing into his mouth, and Dream snorts. “These are amazing!” He talks with his mouth full, and Dream just shakes his head fondly and goes to plate more for Sapnap to eat. 

Sapnap is about to ask if Dream has any plans tonight when he speaks up. 

“Hey, by the way, I think I’m gonna go get some work done now, because Audrey and I might go out later,” Dream says, and Sapnap almost chokes. Thankfully, Dream doesn’t notice, too busy rinsing plates in the sink. 

“Like- um,” Sapnap swallows, “Out on a date or…?” He means to sound teasing, like a friend should , but it just comes out more nervous than anything. 

Dream smiles to himself and shrugs, keeping his eyes trained on the dishes. “No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” It’s a bit more aggressive than he had expected, and Dream’s expression completely shifts, furrowing his eyebrows and frowning slightly. 

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t know yet.”

Sapnap takes a deep breath and picks up the last mini pancake. He takes a bite and swallows, choosing his next words carefully, breathing in thick air and exhaling tension. “O-okay… um, I can finish up dishes if you want?”

Dream shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m almost done anyway.”

Sapnap’s heart twists. He attempts to be joyful. “Thank you for the pancakes.”

Dream nods. “No problem. I might make them more often, they’re actually kind of easy.”

The air has shifted and Sapnap can feel it, but he doesn’t comment on it. “Maybe you should,” he says, stuffing his mouth with the last of his breakfast. “They’re amazing.”

Dream smiles at this, finally, and a few of the cracks in Sapnap’s heart fill. He puts away the last of the sink dishes and grabs Sapnap’s, rinsing it and filing it into the dishwasher. He mumbles a thanks and Dream nods in response. 

“Maybe I will,” he states simply on his way out of the kitchen. 

Sapnap sits blankly at the island for a moment. 

He was going to ask if Dream was free tonight so that they could maybe start Death Note, but it seems like that plan is already ruined. He sits, pathetically, stupidly, and wonders what Dream will be doing tonight. He wonders if they’ll end up dating, wonders if they’ll end up staying together, wonders if he’ll make Sapnap help him buy a ring—

Fuck.

His stomach hurts again, too much to do anything, so he lays in his bed and spends an hour moping. 

He thinks he fell asleep at one point, because there’s a gentle knock on his door that he knows is Dream. 

He hums a noise as an equivalent to what? and Dream laughs lightly. His heart swells at the sound. 

“I’m gonna go now,” Dream whispers from the open doorway. “Do you need anything for when I come back?”

You, maybe . “No, that’s ok,” Sapnap says quietly. Before Dream gets too far, he even manages a sleepy, pained: “Have fun.” 

“Thank you, Sapnap. Bye!”

Sapnap hums.

And when he hears the front door close, he lets a few tears fall. Not because Dream doesn’t deserve to be happy; because it could have been him that he went on late outings with and spent most of his free time with. It could have been him that he made time for even when he promised his best friend something. It should have been him, and he hopes, maybe one day, there’s still a chance for him to be. 

He randomly wonders if Dream would push his hand away if he ever tried to hold it, saying, “Sorry, I have a girlfriend now, so it just feels kind of weird.” Or maybe if he tried to cuddle him on the couch and he makes him back up a bit, saying, “I do this with my girlfriend and it just feels a little odd, sorry.”

A few more weighted tears fall, sliding near his lips. He brings up a finger and spreads the salty liquid on his lips, tasting his sadness and wondering if Dream has ever thought about kissing them before. He wonders if he’d kiss them even with teary lipgloss. 

A month and 13 days. 

—

Dream comes home and Sapnap is still in his room, still motionless on his bed. He hasn’t slept any more, though he wishes he could just stay unconscious and forget about his pain for a while. 

When he hears the door open and close, it sounds different than normal; Sapnap can sense it. The opening was a bit more rushed, the slamming of it a bit louder than it usually is. 

“Dream?” he calls out without thinking, his reflex of making sure he’s okay getting the best of him. 

“Hi,” Dream calls from what sounds like the kitchen, but it’s shaky (only barely) and Sapnap notices it. 

He rushes out of bed only in his plaid boxers and the same white t-shirt, not bothering to fix his sheets or shut his door like he usually does. He walks to Dream quickly and finds him at the island, his head placed in one hand while the other draws circles on the counter. He sniffles, and alarms go off in Sapnap’s head. 

“Dream?” he asks tentatively, gentler this time, sitting next to the boy who has now started shaking ever so slightly. 

“Sapnap…”

And it’s so pained that Sapnap winces internally, feeling like all of his bones have just shattered and his heart has cracked into two. 

He pokes him in the arm, his sweatshirt folding beneath his touch. “Dream, Dream what’s wrong? Are you—“

Dream just spins on his stool and falls into Sapnap, crashing his head onto Sapnap’s shoulder and wiping his eyes on the fabric there. Sapnap immediately reaches for his soft hair, playing with the waves and attempting to soothe him. 

“She’s—“

It’s muffled and quiet and Sapnap almost misses it, but he doesn’t and he stands up and makes Dream face him where he sits.

“Is everything okay?” They’re eye level like this, where Sapnap stands and Dream sits. 

Dream shakes his head and his face twists in. “She’s moving. To another— another country.” His voice breaks and a little piece of Sapnap does as well. 

Sapnap frowns, at Dream’s sadness more than anything, and takes his hand to lead him over to the comfort of their couch.

Sapnap sits down and Dream sits on top of his legs, technically straddling him despite being bigger. Sapnap almost laughs at the irony, but it dies in his throat when Dream wraps his arms around him and nuzzles quietly into his neck, hiding like Sapnap once has. 

He has little words when it comes to things like this. It feels like he never says the right thing, especially when it’s Dream. He wants to be the most supportive friend that he can be, even if it feels like he loses ten years off of his life when he lies right to his face. It takes him a while to muster the courage, and by now Dream’s crying comes to a slow end. 

“I-I’m sorry…” Sapnap tries, but it comes out strained. He couldn’t help but feel only slightly happy, even though necessary guilt choked the feeling up more than anything. 

“I know you’re not,” Dream mumbles timidly onto Sapnap’s neck, his tone accusing. 

“What?” Sapnap asks incredulously. What was that supposed to mean?

Dream sniffles and wipes his face rid of crying. He sits up to face Sapnap, and he feels little under his narrow gaze. 

“I know you’re not sorry. You don’t like her, right?” His voice is small. 

Sapnap’s jaw drops and he tries to compose himself enough to deny it, but no words fall out. 

“You’re probably happy she’s leaving, huh?”

Sapnap scoffs. What? Where is this coming from?  

“No, I— I don’t hate her, what are you talking about? I’ve never even met her, why would I…”

“You just can’t be happy for me, can you?”

Sapnap’s heart drops. 

“Of— of course I’m happy for you, I just—“

“Why do you get so… I don't know… weird when I talk about her, or hang out with her?” Dream shakes his head and Sapnap is painfully aware of where he sits, his thighs tingling with electricity. He’s dreamed of him sitting on his lap, but not like this .

He tries to be as honest as possible, unsure if he could even handle another lie. 

“I— I don’t know, she just takes a lot of your time and—“

“Well, now she won’t,” he interrupts with pained finality, his voice weak. Dream scoffs and sniffles sadly. “Are you… are you jealous , or something?”

Sapnap takes a breath in surprise. Yes, I’m fucking jealous , why can’t you see it?

“…No….”

“Sure you aren’t. Why don’t you just own up to it?”

“I—“

“Own up to the fact that you get mad when I’m happy without you, when I have fun without you. We don’t need to be attached at the hip, Sapnap, we’re not oceans away anymore!”

Sapnap feels his lips drop apart and and his entire face fall while tears form in the edges of his eyes, the hot sting in the bridge of his nose growing. There’s a hole in his heart and it grows, almost until there’s no heart left anymore. But there’s still a piece for Dream . It hurts. 

“You promised you’d watch Death Note with me, and I don’t think you even remembered.” His voice is a whisper, strained with the promise of tears that were already well on their way.  

“ That’s what this is about? A show ? You know—“

And no . It’s not about a show.

“I’m sorry she’s moving, Dream! I can’t do anything about that, and neither can you, and I’m sorry .” His voice is hoarse. “I really am. But am I not allowed to be sad when you forget to spend time with me? Am I not allowed to miss you when we literally fucking live together and we barely hang out together anymore?”

“We’re adults , Sapnap. We’re not kids anymore. How much time do you—“

“I would spend every fucking minute of my life with you, Dream. You think I care if we’re adults?” He sighs and sniffles, wiping a tear he didn’t even realize had fallen. “Time still passes the same as it did nine years ago.” I still love you the same way I did nine years ago. 

“Maybe I have better things to do with my time.”

“Like failing to keep your promises?”

Sapnap swears he sees something different flash through Dream’s eyes momentarily before his expression closes again. “Like leaving the house once in a while and getting a girlfriend.” 

Sapnap’s face falls and a wounded breath escapes him, his chest hurting more than it ever has before. His lungs feel like they’ve collapsed. 

Dream moves to get up off his lap like he’s accomplished something. It’s infuriating the way his face shows no sympathy, no care for a single thought of Sapnap’s. Before he gets very far, Sapnap grabs his wrist lightly. 

“Are you guys dating?” His voice is strung tight and it’s obvious that yes , he's jealous. But not for the reason Dream thinks. 

Dream stops and softens only briefly before furrowing his eyebrows once more. “No. It wouldn’t work out.”

Sapnap nods once, lets go of Dream’s wrist, and watches him walk away with blurry vision, Dream walking further and further out of sight. He feels his heart sink with each heavy footstep he can hear, falling and falling until he can’t hear anything anymore and his heart is left in an empty abyss. There’s a gentle close of Dream’s door, and a tear falls and runs down his face with aggrieved history.

Sapnap knows he won’t sleep tonight. He might cry, he might hurt, but he won’t sleep. When it gets bad, rest doesn’t come easy. 

He wonders if Dream will come around.

Sapnap knows he’s partially in the wrong, but the rest still hurts despite the fact. Did Dream not care? Does he not care that he ditches all of their plans, regardless of how exciting they were? 

He remembers when they had made the plans on stream, how excited he was. With Dream only growing and growing in popularity, he only got busier and busier. Setting some time off to watch his favorite anime with Dream was all he could ask for. 

And why had he attacked him? So maybe he didn’t go out much, maybe he didn’t have much to do. But maybe, subconsciously, he was waiting for Dream to come into his room voluntarily and hang out with him, waiting for them to do something other than work together for once.

Something like watch Death Note . It was simple, really: Sapnap wants to spend time with Dream, and maybe fall in love with him all over again along the way.

However, it was clear the feelings were not reciprocated. So he gets up from his lonely, familiar spot on the couch and heads to his lonely, familiar bed and lays in a lonely, familiar position. 

He was lonely; it was all too familiar.

He barely even realizes he’s crying at first. It takes more than a few hot, heavy tears to escape his red eyes before he fully clocks it. 

The realization, the implication of it all has barely reached him. 

Dream doesnt love him. And even if he’s said it a million times before, it wasnt in the way that Sapnap wanted.

Dream doesn’t have time for him. If he does, it's for work and never lasts very long.

To put it simply; he doesn’t care. He ditches simple plans, never spares time, and never even tries to make time. Sapnap moves from his hometown to live with the person he’d kill to call home; and this is what he gets in return.

Sapnap throws off his blankets that have suddenly become hot and sticky. He gets up, walks over to his closet, and picks out Dream’s hoodie, discarding the hanger angrily by throwing it across his room, hitting his carpet with a small thud that he wishes had a louder, dismayed landing. Part of him wants Dream to hear his own damage, wants him to at least acknowledge the pain he’s caused. He tugs on the hoodie as if he has the intent to rip it. The soft material feels only slightly comforting, but he takes what he can get; especially if it’s unavailable from who he needs it from.

He wonders what is left to do as a heartbroken individual. 

He feels a little empty, as he glances around his messy room with a broken gaze. 

It’s empty and Dream isn’t in it, but it’s also dirty and messy from the past few days, maybe even weeks, of wallowing and crying over the milestone that is a month and something days. He doesn’t try to remember, especially not right this moment. 

He blankly starts picking up scattered t-shirts, his body absently busying himself without real intent. He guesses he’ll just clean his room to start; something to distract himself, to make the pain deepening in his gut a little less.

It’s as he’s picking up a black shirt that he stole from Dream when they first moved in.

He realizes.

They will never share a room, they will never be in love enough to share the same room and share the same bed, much less fall asleep together in the same bed. He knows Dream keeps his room tidy; they will never share a room for Dream to pick up every morning while Sapnap just makes it back into a mess throughout the day. Dream will never love him enough, not the way he wants at least, to pick up his shirts for him and keep his— their room clean.

Dream will never love him enough.

Not the way he wants.

He falls to sit on the floor and hug the shirt to his chest, letting his sobs come quicker and less held back. He uses the stupid, unwashed shirt be his tissue, because it still smells like Dream and he realizes he hasn’t been close enough to smell him in a long time, not even enough to vaguely remember his smell. 

Extra tears litter themselves on his cheeks. It hurts, everything hurts, and he lets himself feel it. How every muscle feels like it's torn, how every movement he makes is heavier than it was yesterday. How every tear on his face is more scalding than the last, how they fall and rinse the shirt with salt and hurt. How every thought he thinks only punctures his heart harder, how, despite all this , he still has room for Dream.

And if he walked in here and apologized, Sapnap would have no second thoughts.

Because it was Dream, and there was still room for him, even if his bed was unmade and there were shirts all over the floor, something Dream would never let happen if it was his room. However, with as big as the room is and as small as his heart feels, there will always be room for Dream. 

—

It’s 2 in the morning when Dream knocks on his door, shy and unsure with each tap. Sapnap hasn’t slept at all; he lets him come in without even thinking. Sapnap scrolls through his phone, barely even paying mind to Dream. 

“You cleaned your room.”

“I didn’t have anything else to do.” And he can already feel his heart breaking at the mere sight of Dream, his dry eyes already beginning to dampen once more. Dream just nods at his response. 

Dream doesn’t wear Sapnap’s hoodie or shirt or anything worth crying over, but he does look a little disheveled. It’s dark in Sapnap’s room, the only glow of light being the moon through his window and the blazing light from his phone screen. He turns it off, the light vanishing with a small click . Though he can’t see him, he wonders if hes been crying. He gives off that type of vibe; Sapnap would know what that vibe is. All too well. 

Dream closes the door behind him even though they live alone. It feels oddly secure, the way it was like second nature. He watches his hands as they move, and that’s how he notices the hoodie that’s draped over Dream’s arm. 

“What’s…” he clears his throat, his voice hoarse and exhausted, “What’s uh, what’s in your hand…?”

Dream looks confused before Sapnap points his head towards his arm and he nods in understanding. “It’s… its yours. I didn't know if… if you’d want me to still, like, have it or—“

“You’re really fucking stupid, Dream.” It’s said through what sounds like tears, even though his eyes are still tired and dry.

Dream appears puzzled. Sapnap doesn’t explain what he means.

“Why would I want it back?” Before Dream can answer the question, Sapnap cuts him off again. “Keep it, please.”

Dream furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “But why—“

“Listen, Dream, its 2 a.m. and I was doing slightly better than I was on the couch, and every additional second that I have to look at you makes it worse.” 

Better?

“Oh. Um, okay…” 

But he doesn’t move. He takes the hoodie from his arms and scrunches it in his hands, looking down on it with droopy eyes. The door is closed, and he doesn’t move. Somehow, it doesn’t feel like he plans to.

“Dream?” he asks nervously, shakily as he watches the hoodie tremble in Dream’s grasp.

“I… I….” He sounds lost.

Sapnap just waits. He sits up in his bed criss-cross, the warm comforter over his lap. He tries to appear patient for Dream.

He looks up from the hoodie and makes eye contact with Sapnap, even in the dark. They can both see relatively well, considering the house has been dark for multiple hours now. He takes the hoodie and brings it with him as he sits down across from Sapnap, mirroring his position and clutching the hoodie to his chest like it could run away at any moment. He buries his nose into the material.

“I love you.” 

Sapnap’s heart drops, but he brushes it off. He knows that’s not what he meant. 

Dream continues in a rush. “I- I know you don’t—“

“I know, man, I love you too, but—“

“No. No, that’s… I mean it, Sapnap. I love you, that’s what it is.”

Sapnap’s jaw hangs open with shock, eyes staring blankly into nervous ones.

Dream shifts uncomfortably and continues, aware that Sapnap’s not in a state of mind to speak. “I love you. That’s… that’s it.” He says it like there’s nothing else to say; and maybe there isn’t. 

He chuckles nervously, his infectious laugh that Sapnap will never ever get tired of hearing.

“No,” is the first thing that comes out of Sapnap’s mouth. Not only is Dream taken aback, but Sapnap is surprised himself. The last thing he expected himself to say when Dream confesses his love was a blatant no , but here he is. “You don’t get to… I can’t….”

“I’m sorry?”

“Sorry, sorry, I just— I can’t… after all of this? Do you really? How can I believe you?”

“Yes, god, of course , after all of this. I promise. I just… I lashed out at you because I didn’t want to listen. You were right. You are right, I just didn’t want to face it…”

“Didn’t you have an almost-girlfriend, like, just a couple of hours ago?” They both hesitate. “I don’t want to be your rebound.”

Dream shakes his head immediately. “No, no, no, you’re not my rebound. If anything, Audrey was the rebound.” Sapnap quirks his head to the side and Dream sighs. “I thought it would help me avoid my… my stupid crush, or whatever. And… and I actually just ended up avoiding you altogether, so…” Sapnap stays silent. “Which I’m not proud of, like at all. I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, I… I mean, I understand. I’m not… you have to know I’m not mad at you. I can’t be, ever, actually. I’m just… hurt, I guess. I mean, now I know, so it’s okay, but I’m still… recovering, and stuff.” His voice is so shaky. He wishes it took longer to forgive Dream, but it’s the way it is. 

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s okay, don’t worry. I was trying to come up with a reason that excused me, like, completely neglecting you. I… I was unnecessarily… mean? I think that’s the right word.”

Sapnap nods with humor. “Yeah, that’s definitely the word.”

Dream laughs lightly. “I’m so sorry.” His voice is soaked in honey, dripping with sweet drops of genuinity.

“It’s okay, it really is, I just… I have to process it.”

“Can I sit here while you do?”

Sapnap smiles and it feels forgein, like it splits his face, cracking the unused muscles into use, but it feels happy and if anything, it’s a nice change from everything else he’s felt recently.

“Yes, oh my god yes. Please stay, actually,” he pleads with a laugh. 

Dream smiles and Sapnap lets himself fall all over again, his heart melting at the sight. Dream crawls over next to Sapnap, sitting beside him before tugging Sapnap’s hoodie over his torso, keeping the hood up. 

“I see you’re wearing mine,” Dream teases playfully. “Now we’re matching.”

Now we’re matching . Sapnap could cry of happiness.

All Sapnap can muster is an enthusiastic nod. Dream understands, and Dream leans down to lay his head against Sapnap’s thigh before pulling out his phone. 

Sapnap’s heart pounds in his ears. He sits up straighter and is suddenly completely aware of Dream’s hair tickling his skin. He reaches a tentative hand into the golden mess, rubbing lovingly on his roots. It’s domestic and its wholesome and its all Sapnap has wanted for years . 

“Did you plan on sleeping tonight?” Dream asks genuinely. Because Dream knows him; sometimes he sleeps zero hours, sometimes he sleeps for fourteen. And Dream knows this. He remembers. 

Sapnap scoffs a laugh. “Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now that you’re here I might be able to. Why?”

Dream smiles; Sapnap can feel the muscles tighten against his skin. “Do you want to start Death Note tonight?”

Sapnap almost cries again. “Yes, please. Oh my god, that would be perfect.” His voice cracks happily. 

Dream smiles even wider and hums, and Sapnap knows he’s fully recovered. Because, of course, it’s Dream, and he could never really stay upset for long anyway. He has plenty of reason to be mad at Dream, and maybe, at the very least, enough reason to hold some sort of a grudge. But no; it was Sapnap against Dream, and it’s Dream’s sunny smile and contagious laugh that he’ll always lose to. 

With every moment that passes with Dream’s light pressure on his thigh, he feels his heart piece itself back together again. The pieces it was broken into weren’t too small; he could pick them back up and melt Dream’s presence into glue. 

Dream insists they move to his room so that they can start the show on his TV, and Sapnap nods and smiles with a smile that’s starting to feel more normal. Dream takes his hand and jogs there, gently pulling Sapnap along with him. 

Dream’s hand feels so normal in his, like it was made for them to end up here. He doesn’t think he could even dream of how it felt in real life. Hours in total of holding his own hand and hugging an arm around his waist as he drifts off to sleep would’ve never amounted to the real feeling.

And as he settles in between Dream’s legs, he feels two arms wrap around his waist and pull him close, and a much happier realization hits him.

Dream loves him, and they’re about to watch his favorite anime together. 

And even if they fight next week, even if they end up right back where they started, Sapnap is finally happy . With Dream holding him close, with them wearing each other’s hoodies, with the silent promise of a familiar presence when he wakes up; he wasn’t lonely anymore, and somehow, this feeling feels even more like home. 

Dream might even love him enough to drift off to sleep in this exact position, sharing the same bed, one that’s perfumed with the familiar smell of Dream that he takes in through easy breaths. 

Maybe, he was never actually alone.